It was hard to play through the tears blocking my view, but it was the only thing keeping me from falling into that deep, dark hole of depression. I didn’t really care about the fact that I could barely play the piano, I just needed to get out my emotions in some way and this was the first thing that came to my mind.
I heard footsteps coming close to me and I panicked. I quickly took my hands off of the piano and hoped I would become invisible and the person behind me would go away.
“Sorry if I woke you up.” I muttered an apology. Of course you woke him up with your terrible playing!
“It’s fine, I had trouble sleeping anyway.” Adam’s sleepy voice sounded through the room. He approached the piano and sat next to me.
“You’re not so bad, but try this instead.” He moved his hands in such a beautiful way I found it hard to focus on the melody instead of his fingers dancing on the tiles.
When he was done he looked at me and expected me to repeat what he did, since I seemed to watch him play so intensely.
“Um, could you repeat it once again?” I awkwardly laughed and broke the eye contact between us. He surprised me when I felt his hands placed over mine and played the melody.
“I know this must be very enjoyable, but I don’t have to do all the work here.”
I was so mesmerized I forgot to cooperate with him. I tried it again, this time on my own, without his help.
“I knew you had it in yourself, just a bit of training and it’s going to be perfect.” He smiled at me and got up from his sitting spot. I was a little disappointed to be left alone as before, be he outstretched his hands to me and his look was silently asking me to go with him. I followed him to the kitchen and he started making coffee for both of us, while I sat on the counter.
“I didn’t know you could play the piano.” He interrupted the silence between us.
“I can’t,” I answered him shortly and looked at the ground.
“What was that then?”
“Nothing special, just attempted to do the same things as you.”
The silent chuckle made me feel a little embarrassed, because I just admitted I’ve been watching him playing.
“Well, you did a good job to be honest. It’s not the easiest song to play.” He handed me a cup of coffee and stood in front of me. We got silent once again, sipping on our coffee and thinking of ways how to start another conversation.
We were currently in the middle of the Surrender tour and we had a weekend off, so we decided to spend it together. I didn’t know how Adam was feeling about this, but I was tired. We finished the Exile tour and barely took a break before putting out Surrender and went on tour again. I had to literally push myself on the stage every night and it didn’t feel good. Don’t get me wrong, I loved performing and meeting the fans, but it was becoming too much for me to handle.
“I know you most likely don’t want to talk about it, but I noticed you’ve been crying.” He looked at me with sympathy and silently let me know I could talk to him. I knew that and I had full trust in him, but I wasn’t so sure this time. We all had these ups and downs and it was common for musicians to be tired once in a while. After all, we were all human.
He would understand me, but I didn’t know where to start and how. Maybe it was just a wave of emotions that caught me in the middle of the night and by the time the sun comes up I’ll be okay, but there could also be a serious issue behind it.
“I’m tired, Adam.” I started off with the first thing that came to my mind.
“I mean, I don’t really know what’s happening anymore. I think it’s just one of those moods that come and go, but maybe it’s not.” I paused for a few seconds, thinking about what am I going to say next.
“I’m exhausted from this tour. It feels like we’ve been on the road non-stop for years and I’m not even excited for the upcoming shows anymore. It’s simply too much.”
He carefully listened to everything I was saying and it encouraged me to slowly open up about everything going on in my mind. By the end of my monologue he set his cup down and pulled me into a tight hug. I finally relaxed and felt better now that I wasn’t carrying so much baggage on my own.
There was something so calming about him. I felt safe in his arms and I wished he would never let go. After a while he unfortunately began to pull back and I tried my best to control myself, but in the end I let out a few sobs and pulled him to myself again. He tightened his grip around me and held me until I, myself, decided to finally pull back.
“Thank you.” I wiped the few tears away and drank the rest of the coffee.
He kept opening his mouth only to close it repeatedly.
“You’re actually right,” he finally spoke.
“I think we hurried it too much. We should’ve delayed the release at least for a few months. I know we were excited and wanted to give the fans something new as quickly as we could, but we should’ve been more patient.”
“Yes, I don’t regret it and I’m happy about the album, but we rushed to put it out and then immediately went on tour. We should’ve took a break.”
“But we’re in it together. No matter what we go through, we’ll somehow get through it. Like we always did.”
His hopeful speech made me smile and brought some of my own hope back. Maybe everything wasn’t so bad after all.
“Guys, I’ve been desperate to finally ask you this question. You’ve put out Surrender pretty early and it seems like you’ve been working practically non-stop. What was the process of writing this album?” The interviewer asked us and Adam gave me the microphone, silently letting me know I should handle this question by myself.
“Well, after Exile we travelled through the world and it really inspired us. We were writing almost every day at that time and by the end of the tour we had so much music that we just put it together like puzzles. It didn’t take too long before we were done with it and we were so excited about it we just decided to put out the first few songs and the reaction from fans only encouraged us to put out more and more of the stuff we created until we introduced the whole album to the world.”
“Wasn’t it too exhausting for you?”
“Yes, it can get exhausting from time to time, but we always try to support each other and so far we’re doing just great I would say.” I looked at Adam who dedicated a little smile to me. His look was telling me he agreed with everything I’ve said and it was one of the things that supported me and kept me going even at times like these. It was him.