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The Flavor of Evil

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The Flavor of Evil
A Heavy Metal Movie/Hale Noche Guu crossover

As always I do not own the rights to the source materials.

Congrats if you are old enough to remember the latter series, let alone the first. For its time Heavy Metal was incredible.

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All my stuff is stored at and ao3


The glowing green, basketball-sized orb floated through space on a flight to one of its favorite planets. It knew joy, or at least the closest form of malevolence that could pass for it, given its base nature. After millennia, the eternal conflict with the Tarakians was over. The last guardian had not simply fallen, but been obliterated from existence. No more rebirths. No more appearing before it to undo its schemes.

There was no longer anything to stop the Loc-Nar, the sum of all evils, from infesting the entire galaxy with its vision of destruction.

All the sins were its tools, and it was a craftsman that would make so called ‘masters’ weep at their inferiority. Given time, it could infect and infest anything. It had corrupted saints and driven sinners into frenzies they could never manage on their own. No depredation was inconceivable in its presence.

In time, it would rot the universe from the inside out.

It flew above the planet known as Earth. It had wreaked much havoc on its sojourns there over many times and many places. But this was the final time. It would not leave until this planet destroyed itself, then the Loc-Nar would journey elsewhere. Elsewhen.

All of time and space would fall before it.

It chose a spot it had not been to before, some jungle on one of the continents. It could sense the people there. Those ripe for corruption. It would infect these innocents, make them a horrendous army, and have it pour forth slaying and corrupting others. It would be glorious.

It flew through the atmosphere and toward its target. Tropical trees abounded all over the lush terrain. It would set down outside the nearest village, let one of the residents find it, taint it, and spread that taint to the other denizens. It would savor a slow boil of evil as it spread like a cancer until the host was totally consumed.

It shrank down to pebble size and slowed its descent. It landed peacefully in the middle of a path, glowing faintly to attract the eye. It sensed the approach of a being. Once in sight the human would grow curious, pick the Loc-Nar up, and then it would truly begin.

Ah yes, it appeared. A short girl, exceptionally youthful with pale skin and light pink hair. The young were the easiest to corrupt. Their passions ran hot and would be their undoing.

She paused in front of the Loc-Nar and scratched her head. Then she picked it up. It sent out waves of malevolence toward her.

And in response she tossed it in her mouth.


From his position further up the path, Hale saw Guu reach down and pick up something. Lord only knew what. She’d pick up anything. It wasn’t like it mattered since nothing could harm her. He once saw her put her head in a vice and squeeze it just to freak him out. It worked. It also did no damage as she could be exceptionally pliant when she chose, and she instantly went back to her usual self.

She had stopped for some reason. It allowed him to catch up to her. Her back remained to him as she simply stood there. Curious. Which meant it would probably be something bad for him. He supposed he should get it over with. “What’s up?”

Guu turned, and before him was a pink-eyed cherubic face filled with happiness and delight that made one feel they were looking upon lightness and joy itself.

But Hale knew better. Tiredly he asked, “What now?”

Guu smiled and said in a melodic voice, “I have tasted the most wonderful thing in the world.”

That made Hale back up with a start. Nothing tasted good to her. Everything she ate she claimed, ‘tasted terrible.’ Which was for the best since she tended to eat anything, including people, and she would then cough them back up. “What was it?”

She continued smiling beatifically. “An artifact of immeasurable evil.”

Now Hale felt the pit of his stomach drop out. This couldn’t be good. Guu wasn’t evil, not completely, but she wasn’t far from it. He could see her being infected by an ‘artifact of immeasurable evil,’ and things turning hellacious for the rest of humanity. It was already hellacious for him, but the rest of them could be saved from her. “Guu, I think maybe you’d better spit that out.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because there’s no telling what it might do to you since it’s evil.” And then there was no telling what she would do to everyone else since she’d be evil. She was already unimaginable as far as he was concerned. He didn’t want to add ‘evil’ to that equation.

“I don’t know what you mean I… hold on a moment.” She then produced a belch that actually shook everything like an earthquake. A mild one that only made you shudder as opposed to opening the earth below you and hurling you into it.

As the belch passed Guu reverted to her ‘normal’ look with a flat line of a mouth and featureless coal black eyes devoid of anything. A shark would burn in envy at seeing those eyes. “There, I digested it.”

“You digested an artifact of immeasurable evil? Is that a good or bad thing?”

“I believe it would regard it as very bad if it still existed” Guu said.

Hale was still concerned. “But how do we know it hasn’t permeated you in some way and made you evil or something?”

“Evil isn’t like baked beans. It doesn’t give you gas when you eat it.” She promptly released a fart so foul it killed the flora directly behind her. She noted the destruction. “Okay, it does. But once it’s consumed, it’s gone for good.”

Hale was about to argue with her, then realized not only was it a fight he couldn’t win, but how did he know if he was right? He had to concede Guu knew more about ‘evil’, and whatever her digestive system qualified as, then he did. He’d have to take her word for it this time and let it go.

They started walking back to the village, he in front of her since her gas now qualified as a defoliant. As they did so, she said, “How about we go out to eat for dinner? I know this place that has a book called ‘The Darkhold’. Supposedly Atlantean sorcerers created vampires with it. I bet it would taste fabulous.”

“I do not want to go out and eat artifacts of immeasurable evil with you!” Hale insisted.

“Maybe with the right condiments some of it would taste good to you?”

“Never! I don’t want to meet Atlantean vampires with evil books! I want to have a normal life!”

Guu placed her hands comfortingly on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. “I can honestly say that ship sailed over the horizon a long time ago.” And unleashed her sardonic smile.

Hale’s shoulder slumped in defeat. This was true from the moment he met Guu. Maybe an evil version of her would have been less stressful for him.


[End shortfic.]
I was thinking about Heavy Metal and this one popped into my head. I have no excuse for it. And I’m pretty sure Guu is enough of an Elder God thing that she probably could digest a Loc-Nar with no ill effects. And there’s not enough Guu in the world, so I decided to add to it some. As well as dabbling in Heavy Metal, which I’m sure had very little fanfiction of it.

Okay, one just made in 2019. So it beat me by a little. But now there is two.