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Linger

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He hadn’t been able to think clearly for hours; he figured this is what people meant when they said they were on a warpath. And he needed to think clearly. He had lost so much recently – his mom, Max, the realization he could have had a (somewhat) happy childhood – that he couldn’t risk losing Alex too. He was pissed off – his genius was supposed to increase when he was pissed off. A new power, that’s all he needed; one where he could simultaneously find and rescue Alex while making the bastards that took him hurt as much as he did. He had to focus so he could bring him home safe.

But he just couldn’t concentrate.

All he could think about was losing Alex.

He always had to be strong. After all, if he broke down who would be there to help him back up? He always wanted to be that rock for his family when really all he wanted was a rock. And he hadn’t realized Alex was that for him, always had been.

He slumped against the nearest wall and slid to the ground, knees bunched up against his chest. His hands found his curls and the tears that had been threatening all day sprang to his eyes.

This would not be another time that he didn’t get to say goodbye. This would not be another time that he regretted his last words and actions to Alex. This would not be another time he lost him.

Alex had made a plan for the day that he was to leave for the Air Force. They would meet in back of the UFO Emporium and then drive into the desert. They would park in their spot under the tree, listen to music and just be. Then he would drop Alex off for Jesse to take him, effectively making him Alex’s final memory of Roswell.

He may have agreed to it but he never planned on following through.

He didn’t want to put any burden on Alex, he wanted Alex to forget him. He had to concentrate on the Air Force and getting home safe, anything that may distract him from that had to stop. He thought it would be best this way. Easiest, for both of them.

So he made sure he wouldn’t be able to see Alex that day even if he wanted to give into his heart.

Kyle had just gotten a new car as a graduation gift; it was exactly what the biggest dick in the class deserved. He knew that he could time it right and Kyle would see him leaving with the shiny hubcaps (that he took off using his powers; he didn’t want to put in too much work after all). And he knew that Kyle would run to his mommy crying about it immediately.

His plan had worked, he was in jail before lunchtime. He smiled as he was escorted to the cell; in his eyes he was a true Robin Hood as well, making Kyle pay for how he had been treating Alex lately. Two birds, one stone.

He really had thought that it would be better this way.

But he didn’t get to say goodbye. He didn’t get to tell him he loved him. And that hurt left him with a broken heart that never healed.

He drove to the desert that night and parked under the tree, sobbing uncontrollably. He had lost him.

As he sat with his back against the wall, he couldn’t help but feel as if history was repeating itself. His heart clenched tighter than ever before. Why did he ever let him walk away?

Maybe it was selfish, but he just couldn’t let the feeling of regret linger any longer. He tore himself from the wall, dried his face with his sleeve and left with a renewed clarity.

He would do anything to make sure Alex was safe.