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Left in the Dark

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It had been a couple weeks since Envoy had picked up his bike. Nearly three weeks since he’d given Zhao Yunlan the ride of his life. Three weeks in which Zhao Yunlan hadn’t even thought about calling any of his other occasional hook-ups. Envoy hadn’t even stopped by to hang out since they’d fucked. Zhao Yunlan was getting antsy.

He glanced at his phone as he climbed the stairs to his place over the garage. Almost 2am. Was it too soon to see if Envoy was up for another round? And there hadn’t been a race tonight. No reason Envoy wouldn’t be available in the middle of the night, right?

Usually Zhao Yunlan kept it a few months between encounters with any one person. It got tricky when riders thought they had some sort of sway over the guy servicing the various things between their legs. This was different. Zhao Yunlan didn’t want to think about why. Instead, he distracted himself with the how. What was the best way to phrase a booty call to the guy whose first time had rocked Zhao Yunlan’s world?

At the top of the stairs, he leaned against the doorjamb. He stared at his phone for a moment before starting a message.

zyl
Wondering if you’d like to try topping that first time. No. Delete.

zyl
Maybe this time you could gag me instead. Uh, no. Delete.

zyl
Need anything else overhauled? God, no. Delete, delete, delete.

With a sigh, he entered the tiny apartment and took off his boots before shrugging out of his coveralls. Chewing his lip, he crossed to the kitchen in his socks and underwear to grab a beer. He took a long swig before picking up his phone again.

zyl
I’m all alone darling. Deep breath. Send.

By the time he finished the beer, Envoy still hadn’t responded. Well, Envoy had said whenever he was available, not whenever Zhao Yunlan was horny. Zhao Yunlan turned on the shower and considered rubbing out a quick one under the hot water. What if Envoy texted back during, though? He hurried through the shower and to his delight, a notification blinked when he stepped out of the tub. Still dripping wet, he opened the message.

Envoy
My apologies. I am unavailable until Tuesday.

Zhao Yunlan’s heart—no, not his heart, his libido—sank. It was better than a no. Or silence. The message was only three minutes old but he tapped out a quick answer. Envoy shouldn’t think he was sulking.

zyl
Tuesday’s good. I’m squeaky clean right now tho, u sure?

He dried quickly, and was pulling on a pair of undershorts when the reply came.

Envoy
Trust me, I would rather be with you.

Zhao Yunlan grinned and flung himself down on his ancient, bouncy mattress.

zyl
What would you do with me?

The reply took another several minutes, during which Zhao Yunlan’s hand crept into his shorts and started stroking.

Envoy
I’ll show you on Tuesday.

Zhao Yunlan frowned, disappointed. Not even some sexting?

zyl
No hints?

Envoy
Tuesday. Sometime after 1am.

Disappointed but not surprised, he used both hands to type the last messages.

zyl
Ok ok I get it c u then.

zyl
Come upstairs when you get here. I’ll leave the back door open. 😁

zyl
Looking forward to it.

Envoy
As am I. Sleep well.

Zhao Yunlan sighed. Only one way he was going to sleep, now. He pushed his shorts down his thighs, indulging in the memory of soft hands on his hips, eyelashes brushing his neck, a cock in his ass vibrating at 6,000 RPM. He could almost smell the leather and the sweat and he really needed to figure out what cologne that was. Cinnamon and clove, more sharp than sweet. His mouth started to water.

"Zhao Yunlan." The memory of Envoy’s soft, rich voice, unmuffled by the helmet brought him close. He ran two fingers over his parted lips before pressing them inside. On Tuesday he was getting Envoy’s cock in his mouth. He didn’t care what Envoy made him wear over his eyes as long as he could get his mouth on the man. He sped his hand, and sucked his fingers hard, lips pressed tight, running his tongue along the seam between them. Envoy under his hands, under his mouth, panting beneath him, those long-fingered hands in his hair…

He came, strong and sudden, but vaguely unsatisfied. Jerking through his final shudders, he already wanted more. His breath blew cool over his wet fingers as they slid from his lax mouth. Not enough, not nearly enough. Fuck. Tuesday was too far away.

What in the world could take until Tuesday?


Four excruciating days later, a bit after midnight, Zhao Yunlan tossed a wrench in the tool bin and stood, rolling his shoulders. He wanted to be showered and shaved, looking as good as possible when Envoy arrived. The back door was unlocked. The security light was sufficient that Envoy wouldn’t trip on something making his way through the workspace. He paused at the top of the steps. Did Tuesday mean Tuesday, like now Tuesday? Or did it mean Tuesday night—so, after 1am on Wednesday? Shit. Would texting now seem desperate? Probably.

With a sigh and curse, Zhao Yunlan skimmed out of his coveralls and started the shower. Envoy didn’t show up while he was bathing. His phone sat silent on the back of the toilet as he shaved. Pity. He drank a beer while he sat naked and still a little damp on the bed.

The space barely boasted enough room for a kitchenette and tiny table for two with just one chair. A couch was out of the question. He’d spent the last few days tidying the place, but it still smelled a bit like the shop below, oil and metal with a touch of rubber. There was no way to get rid of that. Zhao Yunlan wouldn’t have wanted to, anyway. It was the smell of home. The bedside clock told him it was 1:45. When he picked up his phone two minutes later, it rudely informed him that it was 1:47.

He finished the beer and brushed his teeth. Envoy must’ve meant tomorrow. Pushing down disappointment, he turned off the lights and stuffed in his earplugs. As he fell asleep, he hoped the morning shift wouldn’t worry about the unlocked back door.


“Zhao Yunlan?”

His eyes shot open at the quiet voice next to his bed. He barely registered Envoy’s silhouette in the blue light of the clock before Envoy’s jacket fell over the glowing numbers. Zhao Yunlan had thoroughly blocked the windows years ago and the loss of the glowing digits plunged the apartment into complete black. Well, at least he wouldn’t have to wear a blindfold this time.

“Um,” he said, hoarse from sleep, removing the earplugs with hands unsteady from adrenaline.

“I knocked, but you didn’t answer. I’m sorry I woke you,” whispered Envoy. “Should I go?”

“No! No, please stay,” he said quickly, reaching in the direction of Envoy’s voice. He dropped the earplugs on the bedside table. “I just didn’t know if you meant this morning or what so I showered and you still weren’t here so I…”

He shut up as Envoy’s hand slid unerringly along his jaw, his thumb tracing over Zhao Yunlan’s lower lip. Sighing quick and sharp, Zhao Yunlan dipped his head to catch the digit in his mouth. Envoy whimpered—actually whimpered—and with a quick rush of shifting weight and air, knelt beside the bed.

“Now’s all right, then?” Envoy asked breathily. He pulled his thumb out and ran it, wet and trembling, over Zhao Yunlan’s lips.

“Oh, darling,” Zhao Yunlan said with a sigh. “For you, anytime’s all right. Come here, come to bed.”

With a quiet moan, Envoy grasped his jaw in both hands—large, warm, so soft—and closed his mouth over Zhao Yunlan’s. His kisses were still a little clumsy and Zhao Yunlan smiled. He’d make every opportunity to give Envoy more experience in that arena. Right now, though, he wanted skin. Well-developed forearm muscles, strong from racing and who-knew-what-else flexed under his fingers. His skin was soft, even softer than his hands. Zhao Yunlan ran his hands up Envoy’s arms, bare to the cuff of a soft, short-sleeved jersey shirt. Zhao Yunlan ran his thumb around the lightly-defined bicep and carefully didn’t react when it brushed over what felt like a scar on the left one.

Envoy sighed and moved from Zhao Yunlan’s mouth to press gentle kisses to his eyelids, eyebrows, and cheeks.

“You’re so beautiful,” Envoy murmured between kisses, his lips brushing Zhao Yunlan’s eyelashes. “Do you know? Your eyes are perfect. They say so much. Even more than your—” Envoy’s quick exhale, sharp and hot against Zhao Yunlan’s temple, made him shiver. “Even more than your mouth. They’re gorgeous.”

Zhao Yunlan had definite ideas about things he could say without words. His mouth tingled at the thought. He couldn’t deny the chance to try a question, though, and took the risk.

“I bet yours are, too,” he whispered. “I don’t suppose I can turn on a light to find out, can I?”

Envoy’s cheek rubbed against Zhao Yunlan’s on a long sigh. His weight sagged and Zhao Yunlan immediately regretted asking.

“Never mind,” he said quickly. “It’s not important. Kiss me again. Get naked and in this bed and kiss me.”

A quick, laughing kiss later, Envoy stripped out of whatever he’d been wearing and slid between Zhao Yunlan’s sheets. It took every bit of Zhao Yunlan’s will not to plaster their naked bodies together. This time might not be Envoy’s first, but Zhao Yunlan would do his best to make it memorable. He encouraged Envoy onto his back and then perched above him on his knees and elbows. There wasn’t even a slip of silk between them, now. Painfully aware of the proximity of their dicks, he kept his hips as still as possible. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself.

“Lemme kiss you?” he asked, still whispering. The darkness inspired quiet. “Don’t kiss back, just…let me. Okay?”

“All right,” breathed Envoy.

As Zhao Yunlan’s mouth slowly descended, Envoy moaned again, high and soft, sounding almost pained. Zhao Yunlan wanted to enfold him and take him apart at the same time. Instead, he brushed their lips together, side to side and then in a tiny circle. Cautiously, he touched the very tip of his tongue to the center of Envoy’s upper lip. His wasn’t as full as Zhao Yunlan’s but it was at least as shapely, his cupid’s bow forming a delightfully sharp V. Zhao Yunlan sucked it into his mouth and bit it gently.

Beneath him, Envoy gasped and trembled. The intensity of his obvious need sent a dizzying surge of lust straight to Zhao Yunlan’s belly. He pulled away to take a calming breath and pressed their foreheads together. How did this near-virginal man, whom he’d never even laid eyes on, have such an effect on him?

“You’re so fucking hot,” Zhao Yunlan muttered before bringing their mouths together again.

Tiny, teasing tugs of his lips encouraged Envoy’s to part and he gently licked the rest of his way inside. He slid his tongue over sharp, even teeth—he’d bet good money they were perfectly white—before running it quickly over the roof of his mouth. Envoy’s lips pursed, and his tongue twitched under Zhao Yunlan’s. He whimpered again and Zhao Yunlan took pity. That was enough of kissing lesson number one. He shifted his weight to rest his hands on Envoy’s shoulders and kissed down his jaw and neck.

“Been dreaming of finally getting my hands on you,” he murmured as he squeezed the firm deltoids capping broad shoulders. “Getting my mouth on you. Wanna suck you.” Envoy’s loud groan broke the quiet and Zhao Yunlan held his tongue against the vibrations of Envoy’s throat. “Wanna taste you, smell you.” He moved back up to speak against Envoy’s lips. “Can I suck you?”

“Yes!” Envoy panted into his mouth. “Please!”

Zhao Yunlan licked their lips and they both gasped. “Have you been with anyone else?” he managed to get out.

“N—no. Why? I—”

“Shh, shh,” Zhao Yunlan reassured him. “It’s okay, I was just hoping I could get my mouth on you. No condom. If last time was your first time and you haven’t—”

“No one,” Envoy interrupted, panting. “There’s nobody else. Just you, Zhao Yunlan. Only you.”

The admission had no place being so breathtakingly arousing. Zhao Yunlan had never been anyone’s only before. He’d never wanted to be. Until now. Oh, this was trouble. He gripped Envoy’s shoulders, tight, and sighed into his neck. Trailing wet sucking kisses, he slowly made his way down Envoy’s body, broadcasting his movements, making sure nobody received an ill-placed knee or elbow in the dark. The distracting salt of skin under his tongue made his mouth water. Envoy’s breath grew faster and more ragged the lower he went and his hands fluttered over Zhao Yunlan’s shoulders.

“You can touch me,” Zhao Yunlan reassured him, voice pitched just loud enough to carry. “Put your hands in my hair.”

He could sense Envoy’s cock, near his jaw, untouched and, he hoped, leaking. Envoy’s shaking fingers fumbled gently through his hair. Zhao Yunlan breathed through the urge to chuck slow seduction out the window, swallow Envoy down, and just stay there, sucking and groaning, until they both came. Envoy tensed under his lips and Zhao Yunlan pressed a soft, restrained kiss low on his belly. “You can pull a little, just don’t try to, you know, direct anything.” He grinned and nipped the skin, gently. “I know what I’m doing.”

Envoy let out a sharp, whining gasp and flinched from his teeth. Hm. Ticklish? He’d explore that some other time. Right now…

He cautiously pressed his knee between Envoy’s legs, encouraging them to part. After some shifting and rustling of the sheets, he slid between Envoy’s thighs. Envoy’s hand remained on his head, fingers softly massaging his scalp while his belly rose in deep inhales followed by shaking sighs. Zhao Yunlan rested his hands in the vicinity of Envoy’s hipbones and he stroked soothingly with his thumbs.

“You okay?” he asked. “Still here with me for this? It’s okay if you want to stop.”

“Don’t stop,” Envoy answered, sounding more confident than his physical responses indicated. “It’s just, the dark. It makes everything more…”

Zhao Yunlan huffed a laugh. “Yeah, it does. Believe me, I know.”

Envoy breathed a shaky laugh. “I suppose you do. I’m sorry.”

“Shh, no apologies,” Zhao Yunlan reassured him. “It’s okay.”

Steadying his own breath, he wrapped his hand around Envoy’s erection. Envoy’s hips shuddered and his fingers jerked, tangling in Zhao Yunlan’s hair. Recalling the surreal intimacy of Envoy’s bare hand on his face the previous time, Zhao Yunlan rested his cheek against the velvet skin of his cock. He inhaled quick and sharp at the sensation, Envoy’s scent filling his nose and mouth. The salty-spice fragrance made him dizzy, and he bit his lips against the temptation to swallow him down. Instead, he teased them both, nuzzling along the shaft and in the curls at its base. He pressed dry, gentle kisses up the shaft before running the wet tip of his tongue along the underside. Envoy’s fingers clenched again, and Zhao Yunlan grinned at his soft cry.

“Still good?” Zhao Yunlan asked.

“Yes.” The panted response was barely audible.

Zhao Yunlan licked his lips, wetting them as much as possible. “Okay,” he whispered, half to himself. “Okay.” Closing his eyes against the darkness, he slid his mouth slow, slick, and snug over Envoy’s cockhead.

Fuck, Envoy tasted good, felt so good. The warm, soft flesh fit perfectly against his hard palate and he ran his tongue in a short, steady roll against the underside’s small vertical ridge. The sharp smell of cinnamon was strong here—was it cologne or Envoy’s natural scent? Zhao Yunlan’s mouth watered more and he closed his mouth slightly to swallow. Envoy moaned and pushed briefly up before his hips stuttered back down to the bed. Zhao Yunlan didn’t bother reassuring him with words. He loosened his jaw and slid the rest of the way down to his fist in one smooth descent. Bobbing his head, he followed the movement with his hand in gentle shallow strokes.

“Zh—Zhao Yunlan, you’re… you’re so… Yun—Zhao Yunlan…” Envoy mumbled, near-incoherent but still low, quiet, as if Zhao Yunlan had to worry about neighbors and thin walls. The fingers in Zhao Yunlan’s hair pressed hard, ten small points of pressure that spoke to Envoy’s arousal and also his restraint. What would it take for him to lose control?

Setting that aside for a future goal, Zhao Yunlan found a pace that worked for both of them. With smooth, steady strokes and sucking, he floated, blissful, between Envoy’s sighs above his head and the faint flex of muscles beneath his hands. It felt safe and right, intimate in a way few fucks were. He wanted to make it last, but this bordered dangerously on love-making and that was treacherous territory. He shifted his angle and lowered his grip so he held the base of Envoy’s cock with two fingers and a thumb. Opening his throat, he sank down as far as he could and hummed as arousal slammed back into him.

Envoy cried out, one sharp sound in the darkness, and his fingers pressed harder into Zhao Yunlan’s skull. Zhao Yunlan hummed again, and pulled away in a long, slow glide before descending again, faster and rougher now as his unoccupied hand wrapped around his own cock, pumping in a matching rhythm. He’d been thinking about this for days—weeks, really—and his last few jerk-offs hadn’t done much to ease things. Envoy’s thighs slid sweat-slick against Zhao Yunlan’s skin where they touched, his taste and smell driving Zhao Yunlan higher and faster. Lost in his own dizzying rise, he didn’t register Envoy’s soft, pleading moans until fingers tightened in his hair.

“I’m, I’m,” he panted, sounding near tears. “Zhao Yunlan, I’m…”

Moaning, Zhao Yunlan sped his fist, chasing his own release as the first thick spurts of Envoy’s orgasm spilled down the back of his throat. Cinnamon and clove combined with salt and musk as Envoy’s cock pulsed under his lips. A hand disappeared from Zhao Yunlan’s head as Envoy muffled his cry, high and desperate, a stark contrast to his usual low, measured voice. Zhao Yunlan took everything he could, sucking and swallowing, nursing Envoy through the last of his spasms as his own climax crested. With a groan and a shudder he fell over the edge. Mindlessly sucking Envoy’s spent cock, he worked himself through a gorgeous, rolling orgasm. The depth of it made him dizzy, fulfilling and satisfying in a way he hadn’t felt for way too long. Panting through his aftershocks, he relaxed the suction and rolled his tongue around the softening shaft. Envoy made a muffled squeak and Zhao Yunlan quickly pulled his mouth away.

“Sorry,” he murmured, smiling against Envoy’s thigh. “Little sensitive?”

Another quiet whimper sent him scrambling back up the bed as quickly as was safe. He cupped Envoy’s face with his dry hand and wiped the other quickly in the sheet. Envoy’s hands scrabbled for him and Zhao Yunlan pulled them to their sides, faces close.

“Hey,” he whispered. “I’m here. I’m here.”

Envoy sighed, sounding comforted, and he relaxed under Zhao Yunlan’s hands. He was still breathing hard, but steady. Zhao Yunlan kissed his forehead, lost in a haze of endorphins and aching, unfamiliar tenderness. His heart hurt with how much he wanted Envoy to stay the rest of the night. He busied his mouth with brushing soothing kisses over Envoy’s face instead of asking.

They lay facing each other on the small bed as they returned to quiet, even breaths. Zhao Yunlan opened his eyes pointlessly wide, wishing for any scrap of light that might illuminate even the smallest part of Envoy’s face. His efforts to block any light from invading the small space had been all too effective. He traced a finger over Envoy’s full eyebrows, long nose, and high cheekbones.

Envoy chuckled and grabbed his hand. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” he muttered against Zhao Yunlan’s fingers before kissing them.

Zhao Yunlan laughed. “Can you blame me?”

“No,” he answered, and sighed. “No. I don’t. I’d be curious, too.”

Zhao Yunlan ran his hands through the short hair, over shapely shoulders and lightly-defined pectorals. He avoided the scar and Envoy’s ticklish belly.

“I bet you’re gorgeous,” he said.

Envoy didn’t respond, and they lay in silence another few moments. When Envoy shifted, minutely, probably in preparation to leave, Zhao Yunlan slid his hand to the back of Envoy’s neck. He chewed his lips, mind racing for anything to get him to stay just a moment longer.

“Hey, listen,” he said, letting his mouth follow through with the first thing that came to mind. “Can I text you sometimes? Just to talk? You never come by the shop anymore. I miss our conversations.”

He hated not being able to see Envoy react to the question.

“All right.” The answer seemed hesitant.

“Only if you want to,” Zhao Yunlan reassured him, trailing his hand to rest gently on Envoy’s chest. “If you don’t have time or you’re not interested, that’s cool, I just thought—”

“No, I’d like that,” Envoy interrupted. “I like being your friend.”

Zhao Yunlan grinned, relieved. “As long as I get to keep these benefits.” He nosed closer to Envoy’s face and felt around for his lips.

Smiling, Envoy kissed him back. “Yes,” he said. “You get to keep all of them.”

Stupid and full of post-orgasm endorphins, Zhao Yunlan reveled in the flood of happy butterflies that filled his belly. He deepened the kiss and Envoy’s tongue slipped past his lips. It ran over his teeth, palate, and slid over his tongue, searching—perhaps for a taste of himself in Zhao Yunlan’s mouth? The chances of Zhao Yunlan getting hard again so fast were slim but not impossible. He pressed his softened cock against Envoy’s thigh and gave an experimental roll.

Envoy’s hand gripped his hip, the other slid between his neck and the pillow. He drew them tightly together before pulling away with a sigh.

“I have to go,” he said. “I wish I could stay.”

Well that answered that question. The words were all too familiar. Zhao Yunlan had no reason to be disappointed. “I wish you could, too,” he said anyway.

Envoy’s hand traveled from his hip to cup his jaw. His hands were so incredibly soft, and still sure, even in the dark. He brushed his lips over Zhao Yunlan’s.

“At least this time I was in a bed with someone who knows me.”

Zhao Yunlan frowned. “Do I?”

Envoy pressed a kiss to his forehead and chuckled, perhaps amused by the frown under his lips. “More than you realize.” He sighed and sat up, disentangling their limbs. “I… I need to get dressed. Um.”

“I’ll keep my eyes closed,” promised Zhao Yunlan. “Here, I’ll even turn my back.” He immediately did so, sloppily, making sure the sheets rustled as loudly as possible.

As Envoy pulled on his clothes, Zhao Yunlan’s mind played out useless, needy suggestions that might entice him to stay. He would sleep blindfolded. He would unplug the clock, promise not to peek. He kept his mouth closed along with his eyes. The mattress sagged when Envoy sat, presumably to pull on his socks. Zhao Yunlan curled his back a bit more to press briefly against Envoy’s hip.

“Hey,” he said quietly against the pillow. “There’s a key to the back door hanging on the tool pegboard. It’s behind the oversized socket wrench. Take it. So you can lock the door behind you.” He bit his lips, nervous at Envoy’s sudden stillness.

“All right,” said Envoy after a short pause. “I shall.” He stood and unerringly placed a kiss on the edge of Zhao Yunlan’s ear.

Zhao Yunlan let one eye crack open. Envoy had donned the jacket covering the clock so the area by the bed was again faintly lit by glowing numbers. Zhao Yunlan closed his eyes again as Envoy walked to the door. At the click of the knob turning, though, he couldn’t help opening them. The illumination from the safety light downstairs threw Envoy’s shadow onto the wall Zhao Yunlan faced. He took in every detail he could—the familiar silhouette of the racing jacket, open at the collar, and the spiky hair Zhao Yunlan had only seen with his hands.

“Darling,” he said. Envoy’s shadow paused. Zhao Yunlan kept his back turned but his eyes wide, drinking in the sight. “Good night.”

Envoy’s head turned to the side. If Zhao Yunlan turned over right now, he would see his profile. He hugged his arms around himself and lay still, gripping the sheets.

“Good night, Zhao Yunlan.”

The door closed and Zhao Yunlan flung himself to his other side, facing the door as if that would help him better hear the footsteps descending to the shop. He closed his eyes as his ears strained. Was Envoy taking the key? Several moments passed before Zhao Yunlan heard the door close and latch. With a sigh, he saw 4:28 staring at him from the bedside table. He fumbled around for the earplugs and put them back in. He threw an extra pillow over the clock to block the glowing numbers and closed his eyes in the darkness. With any luck, he’d be fast asleep by the time the morning shift came in.