His face was wet when he woke up. It didn't surprise him but maybe that thought just scared him more.
Shaky hands shot to the nightstand where he knew his phone would be. Mirio only had one thought on his mind and it was getting Tamaki to him now. He barely even registered himself punching in the familiar number or the ringing. Even the short conversation slipped his mind.
He dropped the phone by his side just as his eyes started to sting again, resulting in him doubling forward. “Fuck…” He whispered under his breath, fingers shoving his blonde strands back and out of his face.
The memory was ingrained in his mind, repeating every night over and over. It haunted his waking days and terror filled nights. He could still feel Sir’s body pressed against his own, blood soaking through both of their clothes. Mirio sometimes even convinced himself that he had felt warm tears dampen his hair but he also couldn't imagine his mentor showing himself to be so vulnerable even in that state.
The sound of the door opening silenced his thoughts, eyes shooting to stare Tamaki down. He wasn't dressed in anything special, just his blue cardigan, t-shirt and lounge pants but even then, he looked just as beautiful as ever.
Just one look at Mirio told Tamaki everything he needed. “Oh Mirio....” His shyness seemed to disappear in the moment, knowing Mirio needed him to be strong. Tamaki rushed forward and crowded as much of Mirio in his arms as he could. “Same dream?”
Mirio couldn't even get out a word but his answer was clear. The burst of sobs told Tamaki everything he needed to know. “I-I…” Mirio tried to say but the tightness in his throat got the best of him and completely cut off any efforts he dared to have.
“You don't have to say anything. Just get it all out.” Tamaki muttered, knowing his presence was going to be more comforting than his words. He knew Mirio’s thoughts were going to drown out anything he tried to say. It was why the blonde’s body shook so harshly.
It took about 20 minutes before he finally could calm down and speak without the threat of sobs leaving his throat again. “...sorry.” Tamaki’s grip tightened on his friend, eyes shifting close.
“You never have to apologize. Definitely about something like this.”
“I keep waking you up at night. You’re probably tired from all this.” It was true that Tamaki had been awoken almost every night for the last two weeks but he had to be there for his friend. His best friend. His sun…
“I promise that it's no issue. I care about you a lot and whenever you need me, I’m here. I know you would do the exact same.” Tamaki thought fondly of his own disturbed nights, Nejire and Mirio comforting him for hours until he could finally ground himself again. It had been a while since he had one of those but they were never far off. Either way, this was about Mirio for the night. “Want to talk about it...?”
The shakiness of his voice was more obvious then he would ever want but Mirio didn’t seem to notice or care. “You know what it's about. I can’t stop thinking about him. What I could have done but didn’t. Because I’m so weak.” Mirio whipped his head backwards out of Tamaki’s shoulder. He blinked quickly, forcing the tears from his vision. “Everyday I try to smile and move on. I want to bring joy and laughter to the world but I can’t stop thinking about it and my body just wants to cry and break down.”
Mirio pulled away and shoved a hand over his eyes, still hopeless in stopping the flow. Instead, his body betrayed him and let out a wet and empty laugh. “I should move past it. It’s what he would have wanted.”
Tamaki’s sigh was registered before he grabbed his friend’s wrist and pulled it away almost harshly. “You can honestly be so stupid sometimes. You don’t even realize the burden you’re putting on yourself and not allowing any time to be sad. I know what you said his last words were but it was the image he wants you to project to the world. He never meant for you to be invincible. The Mirio I know feels something. He gets angry and disappointed. You’re not just Lemillion. You’re Mirio Toogata.”
Their eyes met, moonlight keeping the room lit enough so Tamaki could see the shimmering in Mirio’s blue eyes. His very beautiful but sad dark eyes... All he wanted was to drown in them.
Before Tamaki realized it, lips were on his and his body froze in shock. Was this really happening…? Was Mirio really kissing him right now?
Tamaki pushed him away a second later, cheeks blazing a clear red and eyes stuck on the white carpet below. “Shit. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened to me. I just had this urge but I should have thought it through.” Mirio pulled back and copied Tamaki’s stance, also looking just as unsure.
“Please. Don’t apologize. It was good.” Tamaki squeezed his eyes shut, beating himself up mentally. He was only slightly upset with himself. He wanted to continue kissing Mirio, it being something he has thought about for years amongst other things. But no matter how long he waited or his body yearned for his touch, Tamaki stayed pulled back. “But this can’t happen right now. When you’re so… vulnerable. I don’t want it to be something you regret and I can just pretend that nothing happened.”
He didn't notice Mirio’s powerful stare until he cupped Tamaki’s cheek so he could connect their gazes. “I can’t regret something I have wanted to do forever. Just seeing you sitting here, the 10th night in a row in the moonlight,” Mirio glanced at the window, tracing the moon’s rays back to Tamaki’s cheeks which have become more pink by now. “You care about me. You’re always there and you make me want to keep going. You inspire me and every moment with you makes me so at peace…”
When Tamaki tries to recall what he did exactly, it never can come to mind. He only remembers sitting up then suddenly laying down with Mirio’s face in his chest. “You’re just so damn goofy.” Tamaki whispered and nuzzled his face into the blonde strands, legs tangling themselves with Mirio’s. “We can talk about this in the morning. But I think you need sleep.”
A million thoughts ran through his head and he didn't doubt that his friend could feel his heartbeat through the thin shirts they both sported. “Stay as long as you want.” Mirio muttered, sounding more exhausted than he did a few moments ago.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” Tamaki whispered, willing his heart to slow. A thought interrupted his mission and he was tossed right back into overdrive. “I can kiss you better then.”
“I’m counting on it.” The words had left far before his brain could catch up but it seemed to do the job. After Mirio had responded, he seemed to fall right back asleep with his grip tight around Tamaki.
Tamaki did make good on his promise in the morning, having slept all the way through the night. Past that, Tamaki came every night for a month. No longer at 2 am but whenever Mirio was going to retire to bed. It worked well for the both of them and neither suffered as many night terrors as they had before. Now, they had each other.