Chapter 1: Aftermath
"Yaz, please..." The Doctor begs grabbing for Yazs hand one last time.
"This is as brave as I know how to be Doctor." Yaz kiss her hand, tears in her eyes. "Look and me and tell me I was brave..." They both begin to weep.
In that moment the Master pulls her away from the Doctor and teleports away.
For a moment everything is quite, no one dares to move. That is until the Doctor lets out a sop, pulling herself up off her feet and running towards where Yaz had just been. "No, you're not doing this to me again!" She shout into the air.
Graham is the first of the boys to recover and he cautiously steps towards the Doctor and tries to hug her but she pulls away and begins to claw at the wall. "Not her, not again." She whispers, collapsing to the floor. Again Graham tries to pull her into a hug but this time she accept, cling to him for dear life. "How could I of let this happen again?" She whimpers into his shoulder.
"Hey... This wasn't you Doc and we can get her back." Graham tries to comfort her but she just begins to sop again. Ryan comes to join them on the floor, sitting close by but giving the Doctor some space.
"We can get her back though, can't we?" Ryan asks. At this the Doctor lifts her head and pulls away the Graham.
"It's complicated, even if we find the Master, we are both time travellers. It's could of been hundreds of years for him and only a few hours for me. It's not that simple... I need time." With that the Doctor picks up the dentenator and runs out of the flat. After the boys had recovered from there shock they quickly ran out the room after her.
"Doc, where are we going?" Graham asks jogging to keep up with her. She doesn't answer, just keeps walking, wiping away tears as she does.
It's not until they stop and the boys look up do they realize were the Doctor was leading them. They stand looking up at Yaz's families block of flats. "You don't have to do this with me." The Doctor says not looking away from the door.
"We're coming with you but you don't have to do this now... not while it's still so fresh I mean." Ryans replies stepping forwards next to the Doctor.
"I do, I need to remove the DNA bombs, I don't trust the Master to not have a backup detonator, he could use it to threaten Yaz and the first people he would hit would be her family." She says before taking a step towards the door.
I stumble backwards slightly as we teleport into what looks at corridor. Definitely on a spaceship, it's all industrial metal and artificial lighting. A moment later O's grabbing my arm and pulling me further into the ship, no maybe TARDIS, although it looks nothing like the Doctors. No, stop it will do you no good to think of her now.
I hiss as O pulls me roughy until we reach what looks like a cell. There's a single bed push against one wall and a toilet in the corner but other than that the room is bear. Three cold metal walls and one wall of bars. Once O has opened the cell he roughly pushes me inside, slamming it closed behind me. "O please, I won't run, where would I go even if I could? You don't have to do this." I try.
O pulls out what looks to be a sonic screwdriver and points it at me. I hiss as it begins to burn into my flesh, the smell making me want to vomit. "That is not my name, call me by my name!" He orders pointing the screwdriver at me again.
"I can't just call you Master, that ridiculous!" I argue, regretting it instantly as my skin begins to burn again.
"You see Yaz, I'm not sure you fully understand yet. My fault I haven't train you very well, but you see I'm the one with the control, I'm the one who decide what's 'ridiculous' not you. Now call me by my name!"
I take a breath, clutching my burning arm. "I'm sorry, Master." I say lowing my head out of embarrassment.
"See not so hard is it?" He asks smirking as I shake my head. "Anyway enjoy your new home." he shouts as he walks away leaving me alone.
Now I'm alone I take a moment to fully examine where It's seems I'll be living for... for however long. It's nothing exciting, the walls a grey metal as is the toilet and bed frame. There's a thin looking grey blanket on the bed and nothing else. I take a seat on my edge of the bed, putting my head in my hands.
This is it for me now, these walls have become my home, no more traveling, no more late night movies, no more destaterous family game night. I wonder if the Doctors told my family yet. I hope they don't blame her. I pang of guilts hits me at leaving that task to the Doctor, I know whatever she says my mum won't understand but I have to do this, to keep her safe, keep all the them safe. If this is what I have to do to keep my home save I will do it, no matter the cost to me.
"Doctor, Ryan, Graham you do know Yaz doesn't... What's happen?" Najia asks once she's opened the door. The Doctor stands there not sure how to explain this to her.
"Maybe we should come inside." Graham speak once it clear the Doctor isn't going to take the lead on this. Najia opens the door a little wider and leads us into the flat.
"What's happened... Is Yaz ok?" She asks panic everdent on her face.
"Maybe you should sit down?" Graham surgests. Najia lowers herself onto the edge of one of the dining table chairs and begins to pick at her nails.
"Hey Doc, you ok?" Graham whispers as she walks to the table to join Najia. He gets a small nod but it does nothing to stop his worrying.
"Firstly I want you to know that Yaz is fine." The Doctor starts. "She's had to go undercover but she wanted me to tell you that she loves you and she's sorry she couldn't come herself.
"What do you mean undercover she's only a junior officer." Najia argues. "They wouldn't send her out like that."
"I'm sorry but it's true, she had to go straight away, there wasn't a lot of time." The Doctor says trying to take Najia hands in her own but she pulls her hands away standing up.
"What about O, he'll be worried sick. Please tell me she at least spoke to him before doing this." Najia stands up and begins to pace. At the mention of O the Doctor looks at a loss, not sure how to explain any of this to the distraught mother.
"O's gone with her, it was his assignment." Ryans answers saving the Doctor from having to take all the womens wrath. "I'm not sure if you knew but he works for MI5." The Doctor looks over at Ryan and gives him a small smile as thanks.
Najia sit's back down in her chair and puts her head in her hands. "How do you know all this? Why would she come to you and not me, her own mother!" Najia begins to cry but when to Doctor tries to comfort her, she pushes her away.
"We just happened to be at the flat when they got the call, if we hadn't of been we wouldn't know." Graham steps in, knowing they need to do this together. As the boy try to explain to Najia the Doctor scans her trying to locate the DNA bomb placed in her.
The Doctor looks at her sonic confused for a second before scanning her again. As the result come back for the second scan her confusion grows.
"I'm so sorry but I promise you she'll be ok and she's coming back." Ryans says trying to comfort the now hysterical women.
"I've... I'm sorry I have to..." The Doctor interrupts as she runs out of the flat, leaving the three remaining people confused.
Chapter 2: How The Lonely Cry
There are these scratches on the wall by the side of the bed, as if someone had clawed at the wall. Maybe out of desperation, maybe out of something to do.
I'm not sure how long I've been here now, I've no way to tell. Every day merged into one far too long ago.
I haven't seen O, no the Master since he locked me here, food and water teleport into the cell at what I suppose are meal times. It's always the same, a portion of a blue jelly like substance that tastes slightly like fish and a glass of water.
Being in here wouldn't be so bad if there was anything to occupy my mind, anything to stop me thinking of everything I've left behind.
Thinking of my family makes my chest tight with guilt, whatever happens here they will never know, never know why I had to go. Even if they did they would never understand, how could they?
I bet dads making tea about now, while mum and Sonya bicker over what to put on the telly. When I was younger I found living at home suffocating but now I'd give anything to see them one last time.
For a brief moment I wonder what the Doctor and boys are doing but stop myself, I try not to think about her now. In my loneliest moments my thought sometimes wonder to her and what could of been. The grief of it is unbearable so I stop.
I pull my hand from out of the blanket and trace the scratches with my fingers. I wonder who left them here, how long must they have been trapped here? What happened to them? Will the same fate befall me one day?
"Doctor!" Ryan shouts as he runs through the TARDIS doors and into the console room. The Doctor is stood at the console fiddling with the controls. "What's happened? Why'd you run off like that?" He asks once he reaches her.
"This isn't right?" She mutters to herself, still unaware that Ryan had followed her.
"Doctor..." He says again, placing a hand of her shoulder. The Doctor jumps a little before she speaks.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She says rather than answering his questions.
"Grandads stayed with Yaz's mum but told me to follow you... Didn't want to doing something daft." He explains. "But Doctor really what happen to make you run off like that?" She pulls her sonic out of the console, studying it.
"Doesn't look like anythings wrong." She mutters to herself again.
"Doctor, tell me what's going on...please?" He asks again but she's focusing on the display above on console.
"Ryan stand there." She instructs still lost in her own train of thought. Ryan follows her direction hoping she'll explain herself soon. A moment later she begins to scan him with the sonic. It only takes a moment for the results to come through but when they do the Doctors face falls. "No, no that can't be right. Why are you doing this to me now!" She shouts at her screwdriver, whacking it against her hand a couple of times.
The Doctor scans Ryan twice more each time making Ryan worry more. "What wrong with it?" He asks after her face falls at the result again.
"I don't know, it doesn't make any sense." She places it back onto the console and fiddles with the controls again, Ryan guesses to find out what's wrong with it. It only takes a few moments for the TARDIS to finish the scans.
Once it has the Doctor grabs the sonic from the console and throws it across the room, screaming as she does. Ryans gets to her as she crumples to the floor and screams, pulling at her hair. Ryan pulls her into a hug as she continues to fall apart, he knows if Yaz where here she'd know what to do. Guilt hits him the moment he thinks of her. How could he of let her go with him?
After a few minutes the Doctor releases the grip on her hair and gets up, wiping away her tears she says nothing just move towards the console to stare at the display again. Ryan give her a few moment to collect herself before breaking the silence again. "What do you need?" He asks knowing the last thing she wants to do right now is talk about her feelings, right now she need to feel useful.
The Doctor doesn't look away from the screen as she speaks, her voice slightly rasping from her breakdown moments earlier. "Medical bay, need to do a full body scan." Ryan has never seen the Doctor look so worried, even when they were in the worst situations she always managed to crack a joke or put people at ease. He see none of that in her now and it only makes him worry more.
She doesn't move, just stares at the screen as if she hopes it will tell her what to do. "Let's go then." At Ryans words the spell is broken and the Doctor moves towards the medical bay.
They don't speak as the Doctor performs a full body scan on Ryan, The Doctor due to her being lost in thought and Ryan because he doesn't know what to say. What can he say that will make her feel better.
"Nothing... not a trace in you?" she says more to herself than to Ryan.
"Not a trace of what?" He asks still not sure what she's looking for anyway. Why hasn't she not deactivated the DNA bombs yet. "What about the DNA bombs, did you disable Najias?
"There isn't one..." She replies still staring at the readings on the monitor. "At first I thought it was the sonic but there's no readings here either..." Ryan steps towards the Doctor slowly as if afraid to startle her.
"Well isn't that a good thing?" He asks cautiously, to him it sure sounded like a good thing.
"No it's not... The Master may be cruel but he never does anything without a reason. So why would he go to all this trouble to make me believe there was DNA bombs if not to keep me distracted." She explains looking at Ryan properly for the first time since he entered the TARDIS. "If this isn't real then whatever he's planning is a lot worse."
Chapter 3: Regret
Once when I was younger I smoked. Back when the world seemed so dark, that a thought it would never be light again. I did it to feel something, anything at all to begin with. It was a way of hurting myself that no one would ever be able to see. As the months went by it became a way a quieting the voice it the back of my head, the one that always second guessed me.
I would concentrate on how when I inhaled it would burn the back of my throat, focusing on it made everything else go away. I liked to watch as the smoke curled up as I brought it away from my lips.
It didn't last long, only a few months into finding this release my dad found out. He was just coming out of the shop as I lit it, there was no way I could hide it from him anymore. He dragged me straight home, lecturing me as we went. Once both him and mum had calmed down I tried to explain to them why I had done it but how do I explain that hurting myself is the only way to make my head stop?
A few weeks later I had quit for good, mum and dad made sure of it, even after years they would still search my room just to make sure I hadn't started again.
Sitting here now locked away from everything, I look back on it differently. Back then I only saw them trying in interfere with my life and my choices but now I see it for what it was, them trying to keep me save. All the anger they had was all out of fear for my well being and I love them for that.
I force myself to sit up for a while, the bruises have long since faded but staying in one position for too long is making my body ache. I should probably try to walk around a little, let my muscles move, I'd feel better for it I know that much, but I can't seem to find the energy to move any further than I have too.
I tuck my legs up and rest my head on my knees, searching for any new stimulation, but give up quickly. I've seen every part of this cell in excruciating detail, mapping out anything of interest, but after only a few days I had memorized the whole room to the point in which I'm sure I could draw it without looking up once. That is if I had anything to draw on.
I shake my head as my mind wanders down the train as thought as normal, endlessly thinking of something to occupy my mind. As my brain eventually gives up I let my mind wander back to when I used to smoke. I try to remember the way I it burned my throat and stain my fingers, hoping that this too will quiet the voice in my head once more but all it does is make the craved a cigarette.
"Right sorry Doc, now I'm really confused. What do you mean there's no DNA bombs, O said if we moved against him he'd make them go off." Graham asks after Ryan and the Doctor catch him up on what he missed.
"I mean there aren't any DNA bombs, the Master lied." She replies moving around the console fiddling with the controls.
"Doc, look don't take this the wrong way but... Are you sure, I mean O seems like the sort of person that would plant bombs under our skin." With that the Doctor turn to face them, for the first time since meeting them looking her age.
"Look I checked for traces of every element used in any DNA throughout history and there's not a signal trace in either you, Ryan for Najia. You've never even been within 10 feet of one." Once she finishes her explanation she turns back to the console again.
"Right so if he can't hurt us, does that mean we can get Yaz back?" Ryan question. He thinks the Doctor isn't going to respond, lost in her thoughts again but just as he's about to give up he hears her whisper.
"He's always able to hurt me." It's quite, almost silent under the noise of the TARDIS but the boys hear. Graham tries to go up and comfort her but she pushes him away. "I need to talk to him... I need to understand." She says as she walks off down one of the corridors leaving the boys behind.
As soon as the Doctor is out of sight of the boys she begins to run down the corridors of the TARDIS, trying to think of somewhere the boys would never think to look, she needs to be alone. The first place that pops to mind is her room but she quickly dismisses that idea, there's so much in there to remind her of Yaz and she can't face it yet.
She keeps running until she get to a long forgotten door, a place she's avoided for so many years but that's perfect for now. She opens the door to find the cozy sitting room just how it was left. The four worn leather armchairs were placed in an arch around the fireplace, a blanket draped over the arm of Rivers. This is where her family would sit in the evening on the rear occasions they were all there. She smiles slightly as she picks up the book amy had been reading.
She puts it down quickly know right now is not to time to be reminiscing. She slips into the chair that had once been Rivers and wraps to threadbare blanket around herself, hoping it would give her the strength she needs.
'Contact' The Master hisses in her mind. 'Four hours, fifty three minutes and fourteen seconds. What took you so long?'
'Why'd you lie?' She spits back at him rather than acknowledging that he had spoken at all.
'So you figured it out then? Took you long enough." he goads
'I'm not in the mood for your games just tell me.'
'Oh come on Doctor, have a little fun!'
'Why'd you lie?" She asks again leaving no room for argument.
'I win!' He snarls
'Just tell me!' she shouts fed up with his riddles.
'You were so worried about you little pets you didn't see what was right in front of you. You asked what I was planning but never thought to look, if you had then maybe you could of stopped all this.' He smirks, loving having the Doctor caught in his trap.
'What are you talking about?' She asks looking back at everything, not seeing a pattern to his behaviour.
'There never was anything for you to stop, you made that up on your own.'
'You're always planning something.'
'Well yes, you're right there but you were think far too... earth shattering.'
'Enough with the riddles just tell me!' She shouts again desperate to at least understand.
'Yaz was the plan, trying to take over you pressure earth never seems to plan out, I had to find another way to hurt you, so I did. I found Yaz, charmed her, made sure you would fall for her. Then just as you thought you were going to be happy, I scratched it away from you. Just like you have always done to me.' He explains laughing as he finishes.
'No...' Is all the Doctor can get out.
'And now I have her and even if you think you can get her back she'll never go with you. She chose to come with me because she thinks it's keeping her precious home safe.' He waits for the Doctor to respond again but she can't seem to think her mind racing with this new information. 'Would you look at that Doctor... I win!'
With that the Master cuts the connection between them.
"How longs she been gone now?" Ryan asks as he sits down next to graham on the steps in the console room.
"About an hour, do you think we should go see if she's ok?" Graham say, Ryan shakes his head and they fall into silence, both deep in thought.
After a few minute Ryan breaks the silence. "Remember the day we came home?" Graham nods letting Ryan continue. "When I popped to the shop after dinner I saw Yaz, I tried to shout her but she didn't hear me. She just scuttled into the shop. If I had thought maybe Yaz wouldn't be.. well..." He lets his sentence hang not sure he can finish it.
"Look son, there's nothing you could of done, you didn't know." Graham comforts but deep down the same guilt is building in him.
"I look back now at all the time I looked past and I can't help but think about what must of been going on it that flat." He sighs putting his head in his hands. Graham pulls him into a one armed hug before speaking again.
"I can't stop thinking about it either son, but you didn't know." As Graham says this he thinks back to the times he'd wake up in the night and find Yaz asleep on the sofa. He should of thought more of it, spoken to Grace but he just didn't think. The guilt of that will follow him around for the rest of his life. "There's no point it beating yourself up about it now, we'll fix this together."
Chapter 4: The Next Step
The Master's TARDIS has always sounded different to the Doctors, it always sounded as if it was fighting with him, but what do I know? It could be normal, I don't really have a frame of reference. Even so today she's sound worse than normal, all mechanical drones and clinking pipes. Maybe she's upset?
I shake my head I've become so desperate for any sort of human interaction I'm talking to a ship. I really am beginning to go crazy, I wonder how long I've been here now? At first I counted the number of meals I'd received trying to work out the days that way but I gave up about three weeks in. What was the point of counting the days, I was never getting out of this.
My thoughts are distributed when I hear the sound of footsteps coming towards my cell. I sit further up in the bed trying to work out if the sound is real or not but sure enough it's real and getting closer. I lower my legs off the bed and slowly lift myself onto them.
"Well looks to managed to get out of bed? Long time no see Yaz!" O, no the Master smirks as he reaches my cell. I take a careful step forwards before speaking.
"Master." I say curtly, my voice sounding foreign to me. He smiles at me cruelly, all dead eyes and bright white teeth.
"Oh crack a smile." He laughs again. I lower my head unable to force myself to smile.
What the Master does next surprises me, in all my life I had never expected him to open the door but he does. There's a moment in which we just look at each other, I'm unsure of what he's doing.
"Sorry, do you want to stay? I can lock the door again if you like?" I shake my head and take a cautious step out of the cell. As soon as I do the Master grabs my arm and pulls me through the ship.
After what feels like forever the Master stops in a doorway, from what I can tell we must be near the bottom of the TARDIS, not far from the engine room. He pushes my inside following quickly behind.
I take a moment to look around me, the rooms looks to be about the size of the entire of my old flat but it was full of what looked to be rubbish. There was old and broken looking pieces of machinery. I look over at him confused, why has he brought me here?
The Master as if expecting my question clicks a button on the wall, opening a set of shutters into what looked like deep space. "Throw everything in there, I'll be back." I nod once and the Master leaves, locking the door behind him.
This may not be what I had been wishing for but anything was better than being back in the cell.
"Do you thinks she actually slept last night?" Ryan asks Graham as they head into the kitchen to grab a cup of tea before going to find the Doctor. They had waited a couple of hours for her to return but when she hadn't they'd both headed to there rooms to try to get some rest.
"Not sure, we should keep an eye on her, she'll be no good to Yaz if she doesn't at least try to rest." Graham responds.
The boy grab there drinks and make there way to the console room and just as they had expected the Doctor was stood at the console staring at the controls and every now and again tweaking something.
"Hey Doc, any news?" Graham asks. He fully expects it when she doesn't respond. She just moves a dial slightly and her face falls.
"What do we do Graham?" Ryan asks not sure how either of them can help, the promise they made at Yaz present in his mind. "We promised Yaz we'd look after her."
"Let me have a go son, you take these back to the kitchen." Ryan nods heading back towards the kitchen.
Once Ryan has left Graham slowly makes his way towards the Doctor, placing a gentle hand on her back. "Doc." This time she turns to face him, tried eyes meeting his. "Don't suppose there's any news?" He asks, a sad smile on his lips.
"I'll get there, don't worry it all under control." She smiles slipping into her well practised mask.
"Don't lie to us." Graham responds shaking his head at her act, instantly stripping it away again. The Doctors shoulders sag as she rubs her face. "What'd he say, anything useful?"
She shakes her head and leans against the console. "Nothing that's going to help, but he's right. Even if we get to her, she won't come with us." Graham looks at her confused, why wouldn't she come? "As far as she's aware he can kill everyone she cares about at any moment, she doesn't know he's lying and there's no way to tell her."
"Couldn't you, I don't know send her a message like he did?" Graham asks unsure he's getting all this right.
"In theory yes, but even that poses problems, the Master has always been more talented than me in telepathic contact. I'm fine with my own people but humans are messy, it's difficult and I've never managed it without a physical connection. Then there's the fact that the moment I do I create a fixed point in time. If I connect to her and it's been ten years we can't get her back until she's been there that long. The risk is too high."
"Would practising help?" Graham asks hoping more than anything he's right.
"Maybe but it's would mean sending a lot of information at a human and trying to pin point an exact moment in there life and them being far away." As she speaks she begins to paces hands flapping about. It's almost like having her old self back. "Even than I wouldn't know if it worked."
"Doc, drop me home, try to send a message to me, if it works I'll let you know, then you can try with Yaz?" The Doctor goes still, unsure of how to respond.
"No... It's not like it is when I speak to him. Mine and the Masters minds are designed to deal with this, doing that to a human incorrectly would be extremely painful. I can't ask you to do that." Graham places a hand on her shoulder and looks her in the eyes before he speaks.
"You're not asking and I'm doing this for her..."
Chapter 5: Past Relived
I've been hauling the Master rubbish into the shoot for what feels like hours. It's now that I wish I had made move of an effort to move around my cell, my muscles ache and my body is feeling weak by the moment.
Even though it feels like hours, I've barely made a dent in the piles around me. After throwing away a rather large control panel, I take a moment to rest, wiping the sweat off my face. In all the times I thought about where my life was going never once did I imagine anything like this. Once upon a time I thought I might get married and have children, live an ordinary life but then she came crashing into my life and showed me there was so much more. For awhile I believed that it would last forever, that I could grow old amongst the stars. I know now that neither of those thing as possible.
I shake my head and push myself away from the wall and head towards a pile of dented and scratched metal doors. As I take the first one off the pile my knees begin to buckles and I fall into a heap on the floor, the door I was sliding off the pile toppling and landing with a crash just missing me.
Before I have time to react the Master is standing over me. "Stupid humans, get up!" He shouts, kicking me once for good measure. I get onto my hands and knees, trying to reach a standing position but my arms are shaky causing me to collapse as soon as I put weight on them. I hear him sigh before he bends down and pulls me up by my arm, pushing me towards a collection of engines, nearly making me fall again.
"Sorry, I just... I lost my balance... Didn't think it would be so heavy." I apologise, hoping to calm him somewhat. Back when we were on earth, he always seemed to calm quicker when I apologised.
"Just get back to work, even something as insignificant as you should be able to do this." He snarls heading back towards the door but stops when the lighting in the room begins to flicker and the shutters close over. The Master kicks a nearby wall before muttering into it. "I'm in control here, she's out of the cell what more do you want!" The lights begin to flicker again causing him to laugh dangerously.
"You. This way!" He shouts in my direction, clicking his fingers." He turns back towards the wall and begins to mutter again. "Have it you way then dear." With that the Master leads me back through the hallways of the TARDIS until he stops outside a door.
He opens the door to a bedroom but once the lights flicker on I realise it's not just any bedroom, it's mine... from her TARDIS. I rooted in place, unable to breath, why would he give me this? "Would you rather be back in the cells or are you going to thank you gracious Master?" He asks cocking his eyebrow.
"Th... thank you." I stutter out still overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions. He smirks but grabs my chin forcefully, ensuring I meet his gaze.
"Thank you what?" I lower my eyes, still unable to move my head but desperate not to look him in the eye as I say it.
"Thank you... Master." Satisfied he releases his grip and shoves my into the room.
"Take a shower, you need one!" He snarls before closing the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts again.
"Are you sure about this Graham?" The Doctor asks for about the seventeenth time in the last half hour.
"Yes I'm sure. I trust you Doc." Graham says with a small smile, missing the quick flash of hurt across her face.
"If at any point it gets too much I want you to press this ok?" She hands him a hamlet covered in wires and electrodes. "Once you press it, it will stop the connection and bring to TARDIS to you." Graham nods once trying to look sure for the sake of the Doctor. He didn't want to admit it but he was a little worried about all this, not know what to expect and all.
"Right, if you're still ok with all this, I'll drop you back home." She say moving around on console.
"I'm ready, good luck." He says heading towards the exit once they've landed. As soon as Graham is out the door the Doctor pulls Ryan to one side.
"Here, please if it gets too much for him press this, it's a neural blocker. I'm worried he won't stop even if it's hurting him." Ryan nods, slipping it into his pocket. "Don't let him know you have it, he might stop you if he knows..." She whispers before moving back towards on console. "... And Ryan I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." She whispers as he closes the door.
Once she was landed in a remote part of space some time in the 51st century, she heads back to the little sitting room you used the night before. She settles down in Rivers chair, wrapping the blanket around herself.
She thinks back to all the times shes done this before, how she'd open her mind and search, clinging to the nearest life form. Now in theory all she needed to do was widen the search, find the correct person and then connect at the right point within there personal timeline. The best way to describe it is 'trying to hit a bullet with another bullet while riding a horse blindfolded with you hair on fire'. At least that what it felt like to her as she waded through time lines desperately hoping to find something familiar.
It took the Doctor about four hours of searching to until she found what she was looking for, it was almost like a silver thread in her mind, guiding her around his time line. This was the important bit, too early or too late and the consequences could be dire.
A young looking blonde woman is stood crying banging against a wall . "Take me back! Take me back! Take me back." She screams pulling away from a man.
"It's stopped working. He did it. He closed the breach." The man next to her explains. She leans up against the wall crying. At the moment, a man tall, skinny in a brown suit appears next to her, the same look on both there faces.
Graham gasps as he's thrown out of the memory and back into he quite kitchen. "whoa you ok granddad?" Ryan asks running over to him and helping him to a chair. He nods before throwing his head back once more.
The same man as before is standing in what looks to be the Console room of a TARDIS, a different women with him, clinging to the console unit for support.
" Look at me. Donna, look at me." The man says but she ignores him and begins trying to fly the TARDIS.
The Women, Donna stops and turns towards him."I was going to be with you forever."
"The rest of my life, travelling in the TARDIS. The Doctor Donna. No. Oh my god. I can't go back. Don't make me go back. Doctor, please, please don't make me go back." She starts to ramble, panic evident on her face.
The Doctor looks at her so much sorrow in his eyes "Donna. Oh, Donna Noble. I am so sorry. But we had the best of times."
Graham jolts back into the room leaning heavily on Ryan. "You don't have to carry on, we can stop." Graham shakes his head getting his breath back.
"She, she's there. I think it's her. Don't think she can control it yet." He take a moment as Ryan brings a glass to his lips. "Need to keep going"
The Doctor, their Doctor is pacing around the console and checking her phone every few seconds. It stays like this for a while, the Doctor paces and checking her phone. That is until there's a small knock at the door.
Almost immediately she's opening the door and catching Yaz just before she falls to the floor.
"She's nearly there, I can feel it." Graham says as he's thrown back into reality once more.
"Granddad, stop its hurting you!" Ryan begs about to activated the neural block but as he puts his hand in his pocket Graham grabs it.
"No son, she's nearly there, please I need to do this."
This time Graham isn't forced into a memory, instead he's standing I a white void looking over at the Doctor. "Ok, so if this worked, the code word is One, Severn, Severn, Six."
With that Graham is back in his kitchen, head pounding but as least she could do it. All this will be worth it when they get Yaz back.
Chapter 6: Rest
I should dry me hair, I'm sure my hair dryer will be where I left it, but I can't seem to move from the spot on the bed I sat down on awhile ago. I don't understand any of this. The Master being cruel, as horrible as it was, was understandable but I don't know what to do with this.
This room is exactly how I left mine on her TARDIS, even down to the rubbish bag I'd been meaning to get rid of but kept forgetting about. I should be relieved at the Masters sudden kindness but sitting here reminds me of everything I can no long have. I had almost managed to convince myself everything with her had been almost a dream. I could live with that, pretend I had never known anything different. There was no hope of that now though, not when everything in here reminds me of her.
I remember the way she ran through that door, hair a mess and sleep still in here eye, to stop the visions that night. The way she lay beside me, keeping the daemons away. There are only daemons now, no ones coming to save me.
I curl up on my side, hugging my chest as I let the tears slip down my face. Some small part of me wanted to believe this wasn't the end, that she could somehow save me but as the time drags on the hope slowly died away until nothing remained.
Only a few seconds after the connection ended the TARDIS materialises in Grahams living room. The Doctor stumbles out the door clutching it for support. "Code word... Did you get it? Couldn't be sure..." She pants out looking as if she was about to collapse.
Once Ryan is sure Graham is secure he heads over to the Doctor and helps her into the chair next to Graham, who's still clutching his head. Graham nods slightly, regretting it when his head begin to burn once again. "One Seven Severn Six." Graham repeats after taking a sip of water. The Doctor nods once before sliding a little green pill to him.
"Put it under your tongue, it will help with you head." She explains as Ryan comes back over to them with a glass of water for the Doctor. She begins to sip it as her mind begin to plan what she has to do next.
Ok so she can send Yaz a message but what? How can she explain this all to her when the connection could slip away at any moment. The risks are still so high, if she messes up she could be trapping Yaz there for longer. She wishes she could just speak to Yaz, ask her how to save her. How can she carry on when Yaz has been her strength for so long?
The Doctor stands, unaware of the conversation that had been happening around her, too deep in thought to notice, and heads in the direction of the TARDIS. After only a few steps her knees give way and she collapses to her knees.
"Doc you OK?" She hears Graham ask as Ryan comes over to help her up. She takes Ryan's assistance but pushes him away as he tries to lead her back over to the table.
"You need to sit, rest for a few minutes." Ryan's tries but she shakes her head, turning towards the TARDIS.
"I'm fine, need to plan. The TARDIS might have found traces of arton energy." She mutters stopping at the doors, leaning heavily on them.
"Doc, please I know you're worried but you need to rest." The Doctor shakes her head before rubbing her hands over her face. "Surely a few minutes wouldn't hurt? At least try to eat something?"
"I can't... I need to find her! This is all my fault. I have to fix this." She tries to explain before heading into the TARDIS again.
The Boys have been sat on the steps of the console room for hours, watching as the Doctor tries to work. Every movement seeming to make her weaker but not once did she stop, not even for a second.
"She'll need to stop soon, what do we do?" Ryan asks anxiety rising with every minute watching her. Once they'd would have believed her a god, unable to falter, but in this moment all they can do is watch at she slowly falls further and further away.
"I ordered some food, should be here soon. I think we need to force her to try and eat. After that... well I'm not sure..." Graham trails off, watching the Doctor as she leans over the console trying to read the monitor above it.
"I think we need to get her to sleep. I keep thinking she about to collapse, we shouldn't leave her tonight." Graham nods his agreement, they can't lose the Doctor too.
"Food round the corner, I'll be back in a second." Graham returns a couple of minutes later with a bag full of food, he'd ordered from the Mexican place not too far away.
"Doc, I think you need to eat something." Graham says placing a gentle hand on her back. She shakes her head weakly but stops when she sees the worried look in her friends faces. "Just a little OK?" She nods, smiling weakly at them. If it would stop them worrying she'd do it but only for there sake. She takes the tray offered to her and slides onto the floor where she is.
She would never admit it to the boys but she wasn't sure how much more she could take. She knows she'll have to rest soon but the thought of resting while Yaz is still trapped makes bile burn in her throat. It just all seems so wrong.
When the boy's release the Doctor isn't going to come over to them, they move to her, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of her. They sit in silence as they all pick at their food.
Once they had all given up pretending to eat, Graham sends Ryan to the take the leftovers to the bin. "Doc, can I have a word?" Graham asks placing a hand on her knees as she makes to get up. She nods and falls back into a sitting position. "I think tonight you should rest, I know you want to find her and so do we but you need to rest otherwise you'll be no good to anyone, least of all Yaz." Graham explains hoping she'll listen.
"I can't... what if I stop and there's a trace of the Master that I miss. What if that's the only lead we get and I miss it because I was asleep?" Graham shakes his head slightly before speaking again.
"Please Doc, What would Yaz say if she saw you like this?" The Doctor smiles sadly, images of just a couple of days ago.
"She'd tell me to take a break."
"Will you, if not for me then for her?" He asks standing, holding a hand out for the Doctor to take.
Chapter 7: Painful Memories
Graham had insisted on taking the Doctor right to her bedroom, even after she'd insisted she would be fine. He just shook his head and helped her up. Once he'd left the Doctor had gotten straight out the of the bed, instead opting for the window seat.
She just couldn't bare the idea of lying there without Yaz. Everytime she glanced over at the bed she saw Yaz lying there beaten. 'I should of done more to keep her safe' She thinks as the hours slowly tick by. She's well aware that if she were to carry on tonight, the boys would find her collapsed at the console by morning. It would just make them worry all the more.
She runs her hand through her hair and looks out at the constellation of Kasterborous, wishing she could go to her own people of help but she's knows there's no use hoping for that, even if she could there's not a Time Lord left she would trust with this.
Her mind wanders back to what the Master had said 'How many lives has your loneliness ruined?' How many had it now, she never liked to count. What good would it do her to remember all she had lost? But for tonight she would let herself remember and let the guilt wash over her like sea over the crystal beaches of Anura.
She thinks of the way Donna begged, refused to give it all up even as it burnt her mind. The look of disappointment on her mother's face when she took her home. How her grandad had begged for her to make Donna better.
The look on Amy's face when the angel took Rory form her. She begged for Amy to come back inside, swore they could find another way to get him back. She would have done anything to keep her family together. None of them knew it would be the last time they'd be together, if they had...
A tear slips down her face as her heart breaks all over again. That had been the last time she'd had a family until now. With Bill, Clara and even Danny she'd kept them at arm's reach hoping it would somehow safe them in the end. In this new regeneration she thought that maybe she could have that again, not that the Fam would ever replace the Ponds but maybe letting them close wouldn't be so bad.
The Master was right of course, her loneliness is what kills so many, her inability to be alone. Always running forwards never looking back because it would break her. Wasn't that what the Master wanted, her broken?
I've learnt three things since the Master has moved me from the cell.
1. Alway look submissive, it keeps him happy.
2. Never question him, he will hurt you.
3. The Masters mood is unpredictable.
After I'd finished clearing all his junk out he started letting me move more freely around the TARDIS. As long as I kept it tidy and was there when he called for me.
As the Master isn't here at the moment, I took the opportunity to clean the console room. It's not so much that I want to clean it, it's more that in here I can almost feel his TARDIS. After all thing time I've begun to speak to her, just a little to begin with but now it's nearly full one sided conversation.
"Hey, thought you might like abit of a clean today, what'd think sound good?" I ask stroking the console. She makes a sort of wheezing noise that I assume means yes. "I remember once, long time ago now trying to speak to her TARDIS. Not sure it really work though, I not sure she really like us. Me and the boy I mean, I told you about them didn't I?" The TARDIS hums and I assume that a yes too.
As I make my way around the console my eyes linger on a section of the controls, it looks kind of like a pinkish grey goo like the colour I'd expect a brain to be. I'm not sure why but I'm drawn to it, it's like electricity. My hands are just above it when the TARDIS hums again. For some reason I lower my hands into it.
All of a sudden I feel like I'm back in her TARDIS, the soft coral lighting filling my mind and there she is, stood over the console working away.
I pull my hands away when I hear the door slam. The Master stumbles back in through the doors, he's clutching his shoulder, muttering under his breath. I stop what I'm doing and move away from the console unit as he takes off again.
It's not until where in the vortex that he spares me a glance. "What are you doing just standing there, get back to work!" He snaps making me jump slightly. I keep me head bowed slightly and ensure not to look directly at him.
"You're hurt..." I say quietly, careful Yaz you're pushing your luck here.
"What's it to you! Isn't there a floor that needs cleaning or something!" He snaps again as he fiddles with the controls again.
"Let me help... please, I'll just clean you up nothing funny I swear Master." The Master whips around to face, a puzzled expression on his face.
"Why? What do you get out of this?" He spits backing me against a wall. I try to make myself look smaller, be submissive he likes to be in control. Come on Yaz you know this!
"Nothing Master, I just want to help." I say lowering my head even further. He seems to think about this for a while, seemingly suspicious of my motives.
"Fine" He eventually hisses, stalking off in the direction of the medical bay.
Once we're there he throws himself down on a chair and points in the direction of a cabinet. "Stuffs in there." He mutters while pulling off his suit jacket. I head over to the cabinet he pointed to and begin to pull out some bandages and cream. I'm about to head back over to him and something catches my eye. It's small, silver and looks to be sharp. I'm not sure why I'm drawn so much to it. I haven't felt the need to cut in such a long time, I'd almost forgotten this feeling. I swallow thickly before sliding it into my pocket. I'm not going to use it's but just incase...
I head back over to the Master and begin to clean and dress his shoulder. Once I've finish I go to put the rest of the supplies back into the cupboard as the Master pulls his jacket back on.
As I walk past the Master he grabs my arm squeezing it. I hiss and try to shrink back but he pulls me closer. "You shouldn't take what isn't yours." He hisses into my ear. I chance a look up at him and there's fire burning in his eyes but he just cocks an eyebrow and holds out his free hand. "Now be a good girl and hand it over." He snarls.
I lower my head as I pull the blade out of my pocket, placing it on his waiting plam. The Master instantly closes his hand and throws it across the room before throwing me to the floor. There's only a brief moment before I feel his shoe connect with my ribs, winding me. I cough and splutter but before I can recover fully, the flesh on my check begins to burn, the smell making me want to vomit. Once he's satisfied with my check, he aims the screwdriver at my arm causing the flesh to burn there too. "Say Sorry!" He snarls as he twirls the screwdriver around his fingers.
"Sorry, Please I'm sorry Master." I beg, stay submissive be careful now Yaz. He drops the screwdriver back in his pocket and lunges down grabbing me right where my skin is burnt.
He pulls me through the ship again, corridor after corridor until we at stood in front of the cells again. The Masters still got hold of my arm but I turn towards him terror clearly written on my face. "Please, please not here anything but this please Master. I... please anything else." His lips curl into a twisted smile as he throws me to the floor of a cell. "Please Master, I swear I'll be good. Please." I cry. I can't do this again, oh please god not here, not again. The Master slams the door and walks away again. "Please...please" I whimper as I fall onto me knees.
Chapter 8: Contact
The Doctor and the boys meet each other in the console room the next morning, none of them looking much better than the previous evening. The Doctor managed to get a couple of hours but once she had woken she couldn't bring herself to go back to sleep. Sleep was plagued with so much sadness, she could bare the thought of getting anymore than strictly necessary.
Ryan had brought her a cup of tea, which Graham had insisted she drink before it went cold. "So Doc, what can we do today? Anything we can do?" Graham asks as she sips her tea, grateful for the warmth it brought her.
"I've set the TARDIS to search for any traces of arton energy, She'll tell us if there's even the slighted trace but I need to talk to her, try and explain that we're coming." She explain through sips of her tea. The boys look at each other both sporting the same worried look, they know she needs to talk to her but last time drained her so much.
"You sure you're ready, I mean it took a lot out of you yesterday. Couldn't you I don't wait a day or so, I mean I know we need to save her but Doctor, I'm worried what it will do to you." Ryan voices there worries.
"I'll be fine, you should be worrying about Yaz not me." The Doctor shakes her head trying put her mask back into place.
"Look Doc, we are worried about her but you're pushing yourself too much, you're only one person." Graham adds hoping she understands that they can worry about her too. In such a short space of time she's gone from looking like an unstoppable god to pale and fatigued. It doesn't suit her, she's always been so full of energy, bonding around the universe like a puppy.
"I'll be fine, Yaz needs me and I'm not stopping until she's safe again." With that the Doctor gets up, walking around the console, tweaking the controls. "I'm going to talk to her, can you keep an eye on the monitor, I've set it to english. If there's anything come and find me, not matter how small it looks ok?" Once both the boy's have nodded she moves further into the ship.
She quickly finds herself back in that old sitting room, blanket over her shoulders. She takes a moment to breath in the scent from it. The smell of pine needles and coffee giving her strength.
The Doctor closes her eyes, opening her mind as she wades through timeline, searching for anything that reminds her of Yaz.
This isn't my cell, the walls are to clean. There's no scratches where the bed was, no sign anyone's ever had the misfortune to be here before me. There's no bed only hard metal flooring to lay my head on.
I curl into myself as the lights flicker off again. It's never light down here for long anymore, something changed, before the lights were never out, not even for a second. How could I have been so stupid when the Master was being so generous. He took me out the cells, let me roam around and still I wanted more. I knew what I signed up for when I came with him, yet I still wanted more. After so long I should of accepted how my life was going to be.
I was never going to use the blade, I know it never helps but some part of the want the option. Before when I stopped I always kept something sharp, a part of me wanted it just in case I needed it. As time went on I found it helped to hold it, I'd place it against my skin but didn't apply pressure, when I'd take it away I felt so powerful. Knowing I can do it and not always reminded me how strong I could be.
I long for that now, the feeling for strength seems so foreign to me now.
I'm back in the flat, the Master has me backed into the wall. I remember this I think, it's seems like such a long time ago now. "You're perfectic, swanning around in that ridiculous uniform for yours. You think anyone's going to take you seriously." He spits at me stepping closer. "You embarrass me, walking around like you own the place but you're nothing but a perfectic little girl." With that he grabs a fist full of my hair before forcing my head to collide with the wall.
I'm sat at the table with the Master, I've just put dinner on the table. "What is this supposed to be then?" the asks me disdain in the voice.
"It's toad in the hole, what does it look like?" I hear myself say, did I ever really speak to him in such a way? I sound so young, so unafraid.
"Was it too much trouble to cook something fresh?" He ask sneering at me.
"For fuck sake O just eat it and stop being so picky!" I shout throwing my arms up in the air. A moment later the Masters picks up both plates and throws them across the room.
I'm in her TARDIS, all of us are sitting on the steps eating chinese from the first chinese restaurant to open in London. We're all still in our 1900 clothes although the Doctor has loosened her cosset and her har has been thrown somewhere. I can't help but think of how happy we all were. I hope there happy now. I hope they're seeing everything for me.
I'm back in the flat again but this time I'm alone. I've just dumped another broken plate in the bin and can't help looking at the nearly empty cupboard.
Back in the TARDIS again only this time I'm lying in bed with her, she's holding me close as I cry. Even as I slowly fall to sleep I feel her hold me, keeping me safe.
I'm at the parents flat, the Master's with me. Sonya's just made a comment the Master clearly doesn't like as he digs his nails into the palm of my hand under the table. I feel my stomach drop. I remember that night.
"Yaz! Yaz I really hope you can hear me. I've not got long, I could lose connection any moment but I promise we are coming for you. Just hold on I prom..."
I heard her only for a second but I'm sure it was her. Maybe it was the Master playing trick on me trying to give me false hope.
I'm on my knees in the kitchen, picking up the chopping board and knife I've just dropped. In that moment the Master picks up a bowls and throws it at the wall where I was just standing. "O please, I know you're angry but we have neighbours." I shout, I sound so bratty, I should have learnt how to deal with him sooner, it would have been less painful.
Suddenly there's a glint in his eyes as the walks over to where I am on the floor. He grabs my wrist and pulls be towards the kitchen door holding my arm against the door frame. The Master slams the door shut on my arm over and over until a begging him to stop.
I pull at my hair begging for the images that bombard me to stop, why won't they stop? I bring my chipping nails to my scalp trying to claw away the visions. Where are you now Doctor? I thought it was gonna be to two of us, forever.
Ryan burst through the door of the quite little sitting room, jolting the Doctor back into the room. She looks annoyed for a second but the look on Ryan's face stops her from saying anything.
"Doctor, you're gonna wanna see this, the TARDIS is going mental." He say, panic but also a small amount of hope in his eyes.
Chapter 9: Bitter Hope
"Oh come on you beauty! You can do it nearly there!" The Doctor shouts as she runs around the console. Her eyes light up as she looks up at the monitor, after a moment a smile breaks out on her face. "Oh, I should of known." She laughs, it's the first moment in days that the boys have seen her look like herself.
"Doc, what is it? Can we find her?" Graham asks feeling hope build within him for the first time. When she nod both Ryan and Graham begin to grin like mad men.
"So we found his TARDIS?" Ryan asks after taking a step towards the monitor.
"It's not his TARDIS, it's Yaz reaching out to us, she linked herself to the telepathic circuits of his TARDIS. She sent us a message now all I need to do is lock onto the signal and trace the moment in her time line it was sent, should take more than a hour." She smiles again, they're so close now, just a little further.
It's so cold down here, I never liked the cold. Even when I was little and the snow came down, I never really saw the appeal. Why get so cold and wet when you could stay in the warm with a book. Sonya never shut up about how I should be out playing rather than sat inside. 'It isn't everyday it snows.' I can still remember how she'd whine at me until a gave up and went out with her, if only to shut her up for a bit. We'd always end up coming home bitterly cold and soaked to the bone, Sonya smiling away, me slightly less happy.
It feels like back then, like I'll never be warm again. I sit her shivering, pulling my jacket closer to my body hoping it will somehow protect me. It doesn't, if I've learnt anything down here it's that nothing is going to protect me, not a TARDIS, not her and deferentially not a tatty old leather jacket.
"What was the date three days ago?" The Doctor asks after a moment, she tries the act calm but something doesn't seem right.
"Erm I don't know, 27th October 2019 I think, Why?" Graham answers after a second.
"And Yaz's date of birth?"
"24th November 19..98? I think... yeah she's a little older than me." Ryan says after a moment of thought.
"No, that can't be right. The maths doesn't work!" She shouts running around the console again.
"What's wrong, Doc?" Graham asks as she walks away from the console, putting her head in her hands.
"She's 8884 days into her time line, it's... been longer for her." She shallows thickly, the spark behind her eye's dimming.
"How long Doctor?" Ryan asks, he doesn't move closer, choosing instead to push himself away from the column he'd been leaning on.
"3 years 148 days"
"No...but we have a time machine, can't we just go back and get her?" Graham asks.
"I can't, we can't go and get her before she sends us the signal or she never would have sent it to us, it would cause a paradox."
"You've saved so many people, broken the laws of time or whatever so many time. Why is she any different, go back and save her!" Ryan shouts kicking the column beside him.
"Do you think I wouldn't if I could Ryan! I don't want her there anymore than you do but if we go back in time the paradox could rip apart the universe!" The Doctor shouts back throwing her hands in the air.
"You've done it before why is now any different!" He shoots back heading towards her. The Doctor follows suit and soon they're face to face.
"We travel in time, it makes our timelines more venerable, I can't just go around changing things. We have to stick to the laws of time or the whole of reality could fracture! Why else would I be doing this?"
"Alright, I think that enough now! There's nothing more that can be done, Doc what do we do now?" Graham asks stepping between the two of them. She heads back over to the console, keeping her back to both of them.
"I do this alone." She finally says.
"Doc you can't what if he..." Graham tries but as she whips herself around again, he stops.
"I will save her and I'll do it alone, I can't let him hurt anyone else because of me." The boys share a look before Graham nods there agreement.
"What do we do then?" He asks.
"Make sure her rooms ready, I don't know what states she's going to be in but the medical bay is the last place she's going to want to be. She need somewhere that feels safe."
Chapter 10: Come Home With Me
The Master is in his favourite arm chair in the library, flicking through a book when he hears it. The door behind him opening, he closes his book with a clap but doesn't move to see who it is, she will reveal herself soon enough. "You get one warning." She says in a low dangerous growl. He knew she'd be around someday soon, he was never going to keep Yaz forever but even he had to admit he'd had a good run of it.
He take a moment to place he book on the table beside him before standing to face her. The Doctor face always was so easy to read, too many emotions getting in the way of clear thought. The Master on the other hand wore a perfect poker face, he just raises an eyebrow, silently questioning her. Her desperation is so clear on her face he has to hold back a smirk. "Where is she?" She questions in a dangerously low voice.
The Master laughs a little before deciding to play innocent. "Who?" With that the Doctor storms over to him pushing him up against one of the many bookcases.
"Tell me!" She shouts loosing her cool. It had taken her so long to get to Yaz, she couldn't bare the idea of failing now.
"Where are your little pets anyway?" The Master asks smirking. "Got anymore killed recently?" She pushes him against the bookcase again causing a book from the top self to fall just a few inches away from where the two were standing. The Doctor chooses to ignore his goading questions, instead she fixes him with a stare.
"Last chance. Where. Is. She?" She hisses, fire burning behind her eyes.
"You know Doctor, I thought you'd of found a way to get to her quicker. Oh the years of fun we've had. Do you think she'll go with you after you left her here with me? Oh I heard all the silent prayers at night, the way she'd beg for you to come. I saw as the last bit of hope left her body, when she saw you for who you really were." He take a moment, cocking his eyebrow again before speaking again. "Even now Doctor, I win!"
It's at this moment the Doctor's heard enough she forces a hand around his throat before quickly flipping them so the Master was against one of the many free standing bookcases. She pushes him towards it with just enough force to make to bookcase wobble.
"Last time, where is she!" She shouts losing control once more. There's a glint in the Masters eyes as he speaks.
"Not telling." He hisses before the Doctor pushes he hard against the bookcase causing it to fall. The Doctor had picked her placement exactly, any further to the side and it wouldn't have worked but luckily for the Doctor he had been standing right underneath a rather heavy textbook from there youth, 'Dimensional Engineering and it's uses in the field of Time and Space Travel.' He always said that class would be the death of him, maybe this wasn't his death but he'd be out cold for a least a few hours.
After a moment of consideration she bends down deciding it's safest to lock him in one of the cells, at least then if he wakes up before they're gone she's brought herself a little more time.
She slings the Master over her shoulder before making her way out of the library and heading down the corridor. As she does the lights begin to flicker and go out, leaving only one corridor lit. The Doctor stops sighing slightly as the realisation hits her, his TARDIS help get a message to her. "Thank you old girl" She smiles letting her hand rest on the wall beside her. "Where are you leading me to then?" She ask heading down the lit corridor.
I feel numb, I'm not sure how long I've felt like this now but it's nice. It's nice to feel nothing at all, maybe I could live with that? Be her only in body and let my mind endlessly fall into nothingness. I could do that couldn't I, choose to feel nothing at all?
I would still be protecting everyone, they'd all be safe and I survive. Survival is the best I can hope for now, just survive long enough to keep them all safe.
My thought are cut short by the lights in the cell suddenly flicker on again. I squint as the light hurts my eyes but I sit up a little straighter as I hear footsteps approaching. Come on Yaz play his game you know what he wants from you, you just have to play your part. You're doing this so no one else ever has to.
The footsteps stop before they get to the cell seemingly distracted by something in another cell. I hear someone being throw into the cell next to mine before the door is locked in place again. Who's next to me? What is he going to do to them. The footsteps start heading back in the opposite direction. I hear her voice. "What are you doing? I need to find her, I've checked she's not here!" Am I imagining it? Maybe I am but it can't be her, it just can't!
Before I know what I'm doing, I hear myself saying her name. It's quite and croaky but I'm sure it came from me. "Doctor?" If she's really her she hasn't heard me because she speaks again.
"You lead me here, what did you want me to see?" I hear her say, is she talking to the TARDIS? No she can't be, she's not really here. I have to see! I begin to push myself along the wall trying to get a better view when it hits me. Maybe this is the Master, toying with me, trying to get my hopes up only to crush them. But what if it's a trap? What if I think it's her and go with her and he hurt my family for disobeying him?
I keep making my way towards the barred wall desperate to just see here, even it this isn't real. She there, it's really her, my Doctor. I let out a chocked sob and she turn towards me. Our eyes meet and for a second she's frozen in place just looking into my eyes.
Another sob forces it's way out of me breaking the spell that had fallen over us. She's by my side now knelt down on the other side of the bars. "It's you..." I choke out before another sob shakes my body.
"...It's me." She reassure me.
"Yaz!" She places her hand on mine through the bars, giving them a reassuring squeeze before standing again. She pulls a screwdriver out of her pocket as she does I push myself away, putting as much distance between me and it as I can. I pull my arms up to protect my face, what did I do? Oh god no please don't do this.
"I'm sorry please." The apology falls from my lips naturally. I stay curled up, waiting for the familiar burning but it doesn't come. After a few seconds a chance a glance up and find the door to the cell open and pain written so clearly on her face, screwdriver forgotten on the floor.
She slowly comes towards me dropping to her knees when she's about a meter away. "Come home with me." She reaches her hand out for me to take but I shake my head curling into myself more. I can't he swore he's destroy everything if I ever left here. He could be watching me right now waiting for me to slip up.
"I told you not to come looking for me... I can't leave... please just go, I'm sorry." I turn away from her hoping she will fade away and I can go back to feeling numb.
"We can find another way, please just take my hand and all this will be over I promise you." She begs
"No just go, this is where I belong now. Please Master I swear I'll be good please just make it stop!" I beg hoping he will take pity on me soon. This isn't real she's not coming to save me, she never was.
"Please Yaz just listen to me, it's really me I promise you, just take my hand and I can show you." She begs again. I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut and putting my hands over my ears.
Please just make this stop, I know she's not really here. Don't break now Yaz, play your part, don't get tempted by this trick. Remember rule two, never question him.
I feel her pulling my arms away from my ears but I resist desperate not to hear the lies anymore. We stay like this for what feels like hour but could only of been a few minutes, she stops trying to pull my hands away and instead places her hand on both my temples. I begin to feel dizzy and find it harder and harder to open my eyes. Before I can protest I feel myself fall into unconsciousness.
Once the Doctor was sure that Yaz had defiantly passed out, she scopes her up into her arms, draping the Master jacket, that he had taken from him before placing him in his own cell, over her.
Shes not sure how she made it back to the console room of his TARDIS but when she looks up she finds herself face to face the a holographic women. She's reminds the Doctor of how her TARDIS looked all those years ago when they talk, so much bigger than she looked. "I'll do my best to stop their timeline from crossing again." She nods towards the Doctors arm where she cradling Yaz. "You should go now, keep her safe." The woman nods once before disappearing again.
The Doctor takes a moment heading towards the console and placing a hand on it. "Thank you... for being there when I couldn't be." The TARDIS makes a wheezing noise, making the Doctor smile slightly before see runs out the doors and towards her own TARDIS.
Just before the Doctor makes it to her TARDIS she feels Yaz stir, she knew she needed to get Yaz settle in a safe place a quick. She needs to wake up somewhere that's only ever meant safety.
Once she makes it to the TARDIS she bangs hard on the doors. She doesn't wait long before Graham opens the door a look of relief on his face, only falling when he see the look on the Doctors face. "Help me."
Chapter 11: Trick or Truth?
After they had considered everything the Doctor, Graham and Ryan all agreed the best place for Yaz was her room on the TARDIS. The TARDIS had always been a safe place for her, weather she'd had a fight with her sister or a hard day at work they all knew that the TARDIS made her feel better. Maybe it was the familiarity of being around friends or the fact that it was the able to take her far away from everything she knew.
That is how they found themselves standing at her bedside. The Doctor had taken her place at her side, pulling the stool from under her dressing table, while the boys had taken residence at the foot of the bed.
No one spoke much as they sat there, what was there to say? They look softly over at her wishing more than anything that they could do more than watch.
She had gotten thinner, her checks were too hollow and her clothes drowned her. None of them had to look far to see the pain she was clearly in, the healing burn mark on her check didn't leave much to the imagination. How much had she suffered?
The Doctor sat there, her eyes never leaving Yaz for more than a second, she was fiddling with the edges of the jacket Yaz had been wrapped in, the boys didn't quite know what to say to her, it was clear that something was worrying her but when they'd asked she'd brushed them off heading straight back to Yaz.
The first thing I notice when I wake up is that I'm warm, cocooned in soft sheets with delicate embroidery, I can feel it under my hand. He's moved me, maybe all that stuff was a test? Is this my reward? I let my eyes flicker open cautiously aware that all this could be a trick.
It take a moment for my eyes to adjust but when they focus I find myself back in my room. It's the same as it was before only the sheets have changed. Why would he do that?
My body stiffens as I hear someone move behind me. I know I should turn and face him, he never liked to be kept waiting but part of me wants to believe it's not him, that maybe she'd come to save me. Stop that Yaz, you know that's what he wants you to think. He's trying to give you hope just to rip it away all over again.
"Hiya Yaz, how you feeling?" It's her voice again, not her but so lifelike it's scary. He's still trying to toy with me, make me crack. You can't let him, just get through this one moment at a time. Maybe if I just ignore her, he'll make it stop. If I prove my loyalty maybe she'll go away.
She comes into view but I keep my eyes trained at a spot on the wall behind her. I can't look at her if I do my walls will fall and he'll of won and I can't let that happen.
She leans down placing a cool hand on my forehead and it takes everything in my power not to flinch back. Even if this isn't the real Doctor I know she'd never hurt me but after being only with the Master for so long you learn that physical contact is something to be avoided.
"You seem a little cold, do you want another blanket?" She asks in a voice so close to concern I nearly crack. Rule two Yaz, don't question him, even if he looks like her don't risk it. I stay silent, keeping my gaze well away from her. She sigh lightly but fetches a blanket from the end of the bed draping it loosely around me.
She doesn't speak again just head back behind me and sits down, leaving me the think. After a while I find peace in this, even if I know this isn't real, would it be so bad to pretend for awhile?
It's a few hours later, I think, when the door opens again. I must be him, coming to rip away this almost peace from me and drag me back into hellish reality. The voices behind me are hushed and I can't make them out but after a moment someone leaves the room again.
"Hey cuck, do you need anything, water? maybe something to eat?" I swallow down the lump in the throat begging myself not to sob, when it was just the Doctor I could pretend none of this was happening but it's Graham. Even if this is a trick I have to see him, he always knew how to make things better. I'll take whatever punishment he has for me just to see him or Ryan again.
I turn around in the bed slowly begging for the first time for this to really be happening. When I see him I can't help the tears that fall freely down my face, he look almost the same as he did when I left. "Graham, is it really you?" I ask wiping tears away only for more to fall.
Graham holds a hand out for me to take before he speaks. "It's really me and I'll prove it." He squeezes my hand slightly. "You remember that night on Apalapucia? The Doc was busy beating the president at Chess so we all sat in the presidential gardens as we watched the sun set."
I smile nodding slightly "You had sandwiches in your coat." I remember that makeshift picnic.
Graham smiles sadly at me before putting his hand in his pocket and pulling out a neatly wrapped packet of sandwiches. "Hungry?" He asks offering me one. I chew my bottom lip not sure what to say. The obvious answer is yes because I am but I feel my stomach knot remembering the last time I was asked that.
"Hungry Yaz?" The Master asks holding a tray just outside my cell, taunting me. I hadn't eaten in far too long, my stomach cramping uncomfortably.
"Yes...Master." I say clinging to the bars for support.
"Well I could be nice I suppose?" He takes the slice of bread from the tray bringing it closer to the bars before throwing it back on tray again. "Beg!" He snarls bringing his face up close. I had no choice, I was starving.
"Please Master... I'll, I'll do anything." I lower my head, rule one, alway look submissive.
"Kneel" With his command I fall to my knees ignoring the pain as I hit the hard metal floor. "Open up then." He smirks and I do as I told. Anything to fill the empty pit in my stomach.
"Hey Yaz, you ok?" Graham ask pulling me from my thoughts. I hadn't realized I'd started crying again. I nod my head not trust my voice. "Anyway, want one?" He offers again but I quickly shake my head, my appetite gone.
"Hey Doctor, look I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for all those things I said before. I didn't mean any of it, I was just scared and angry and I shouldn't of taken it out on you." Ryan blurts out the second he's sure they're far enough away that Yaz can't hear them. The Doctor smiles at him tiredly, lean against the wall for support.
"Look I'm sorry too, I was so worried about finding her I wasn't thinking straight, I shouldn't of snapped either." She apologizes.
"We ok then yeah?" Ryan asks picking at his fingers.
"Yeah cause we are." The Doctor smiles before pulling him into a one armed hug.
Chapter 12: Silence In The Face Of Trauma
After a little while the Doctor comes back in, Ryan following closer behind. I give him a small smile not trusting myself not to cry again. It feels odd to cry, for so long it was something I avoided. I remember once in therapy, my therapist told me that when we're in the middle of a dangerous situation our minds protect us, working only to help you survive but once it's over we sometime feel overwhelmed by the smallest things. She said it was like our minds taking the time to process everything when it begins to feel safe.
I guess that's what I'm doing know as I slowly begin to let myself believe I really could be back with them all. A part of my doesn't believe it yet, this room being what it is. I've spent too much time lying in this bed wishing to be with them again. Why now that they're here do I feel like something wrong. I just wish I could leave this room but I can't ask. I know in my mind that if I'm really back they won't say no but a part of me is still waiting for him to walk through the door. If none of this is real then I atleast want it to last a little longer.
The Doctors taken her place next to me again with both the boys sat at the bottom of the bed. No one really says much, it doesn't feel right, all the memories I have with them are so noisy. I feels so wrong to see the Doctor so quite, it's like they're all waiting for me to say something but what can I say?
I don't want to talk about it, I know doing so would just hurt them and it wasn't there fault. I made the choice to go and there's nothing they could have done about it. When the surtany of their looks gets too much I turn over to lie on my side but doing so causes a wave of pain to hit me right in the ribs. I try not to make a noise but even so a small hiss escapes my lips.
The Doctor moves round the bed in a second, crouching down beside me. "Hey, it's ok I'm here. Can I see?" She asks, bringing her hands towards me but stopping before she reaches me. My eyes dart towards the boys and back to the Doctor but before I can say anything Graham speaks.
"How about some tea? Ryan give us a hand will ya." With that they both make their way towards the door.
It's not until we're alone again that speaks again. "Will you let me take a look?" She questions as I sit myself up a little further and give her a little nod. "Ok, would you rather a scanned you over with the sonic or checked you over myself. I don't mind either way, whatever makes you feel more comfortable."
I open my mouth to answer but find the words stuck in my throat, the Master voice swerling round my head. Don't question him! I close my mouth again pulling my knees up to my chest. I don't know which one is the right answer.
"Would it be ok for me to look you over? I just want to make you as comfortable as I can." I nod my head again, uncurling myself.
She pulls herself up onto the bed beside me before holding her hand out to take my arm. I obey lifting my arm form under the covers to help her. She take a moment studying my arm before lowering it back onto the bed and running her hand through her hair.
"Would it be ok to take you to be medical bay, just to look you over, then you can come back here. It's just I'm going to need to wrap those burns." She asks, her voice to calm for it to be anything but a mask. Maybe I've done something wrong? I stop think like that after a second, she's not the Master. She just wants to help you and she's letting you out of here, even if it's only for a little while.
"Ok." I whisper nodding my head before moving towards the edge of the bed. I slowly pull myself up, leaning on the wall beside me for support.
"Do you need some help?" The Doctor asks stopping just before she gets to me. I shake my head, she's done so much for me, I don't want to take too much. I make my way towards the door, my hand hovering over the button to open it. I know that I can open this door, she wants me too, but some part of me still can't. It feels so wrong to open the door to my prison. "You ok?" She asks pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Yh" I say opening the door and for the first time truly believing that I'm out. I let out a small gasp before stepping out into the familiar TARDIS.
Chapter 13: Battle Worn
Hi guys sorry for another short chapter I will get back into long ones it's just been another very busy week. Thanks for all the comments it's what keeps me writing 😁
"I'm sorry..." I falls from my lips before I even think and the look in the Doctor's eyes make me regret it. Her eyes are wide and almost lost in sorrow, it takes a moment for her a regain herself and reply.
"What for?" She asks looking confused now.
"For... for well everything, getting you involved, I guess. I didn't mean you hurt you." I take the words slow, still unsure if this is really her. I know it is but still I can't help the feel the Master is toying with me.
"Look at me Yaz... I need you to look to see how serious I am now ok?" I nod once and slowly lift my gaze to meet hers. "You have never hurt me, whatever happened I will never blame you for it. I'm sorry I left you there for so long, if there was anything I could of done, please believe that I would." Once she finishes speaking I lower my eyes again. I'm not sure how she wants me to respond to this, how could I not be at fault?
I don't have much time to let my mind wonder before the Doctor heads over to medical supplies, coming back with her arms full. Once she's place everything down on the table next to the bed she turns to me, hand again hovering just above my arm. "Can I?" She asks again, I nod. I'm not used to being ask permission on anything now. When I'm with the Master I just do anything to keep him calm.
The Doctor lifts my arm up, carefully bandaging the burns. We don't speak as she works, she seems so focused while she works. I can almost imagine her at the console, finding a new planet for us, almost. She doesn't look like I remember, I'm sure she used to shine like the morning sun but now, now she looks old and tired. She reminds me of a veteran, battle worn and fatigued, how long had it been for her?
"Yaz, would you be ok taking your top off, I just want to see what was causing you pain when you turned. It's ok if you're not ready, it's completely up to you." I nod grateful for the distraction.
With my top now off I feel the Doctors eye rake over me, taking in each and every part of my now exposed skin. After a moment my anxiety gets the better of me and I fold my arms over the stomach. I chance a glance at the Doctor but her eyes haven't moved, she's just staring at me as if I just ripped her heart out through her chest.
It's another minute before she comes back to herself, taking a steady step towards me. She stops again just before she's touching me. "Can I?" She asks again and with my consent she begins to graze her hand over the bruises around the lower section of my left rib cage. As she does I hiss slightly begging she hasn't heard me. From the way she retracts her hands it's clear that she has. "Sorry, it's fine really." I say hoping it will appease her, she only nods in response as she slowly reaches out with a feather light touch.
After a few minutes the she moves her hands away turning towards the table of medical supplies. "It looks as if you're cracked rib didn't heal correctly and over time has been cracked multiple more times. I think part of the bone has shattered, leaving it weak. If you're ok with it, I can inject you with a small amount of nanogenes which will help your bones set correctly but I'm afraid it will hurt quite a lot as it heals but that shouldn't take too long. If you're not we can just wrap it and of course you don't have to do anything if you're not comfortable with it."
I nod my agreement. "The nanogenes would be ok." With that I lift the bottom of my bra up slightly to help the Doctor as she injects the orange glowing liquid into me. For a minute it feels like nothing is really happening until all a once I feel my whole left side begin to burn. It feels like white hot pokers stabbing right over my ribs.
The Doctor holds a hand out to me but I just hold tighter to the metal bed frame beside me. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone, leaving me with nothing but a dull ache. "Here, it's just water, it should help." She places a glass to my lips and take small sips.
"Thanks, I feel better now." I say getting up off the bed cautiously.
"That's ok, should we go find the boys and get something to eat or would you rather go lie down of a while?" She asks as I pull my top back on. Maybe I don't have to go back to that room straight away. If all this is some kind of trick please, please make it last a little longer.
"I don't need to lie down, I'll be ok."
Chapter 14: Your Hand In Mine
"Milk, two sugars just the way you like it." Graham smiles as he places a steaming mug in front of me. I wrap my hands around the mug reeling in the warmth of it.
"Thank you." I just about get out, choking slightly with anxiety. I sit there holding my tea listening as the others spoke, it was nice. I missed these moments the most, little chats in the kitchen over tea. It always seemed such a strange thing to miss, almost too small in comparison to all of time and space and yet this is where I wished I could of been on all my loneliest days.
I rub small circles with my thumb over the sides of the mug, my mug, I picked it up on the Boeshane Peninsula. It had three shades that formed sand dunes much like the one surrounding the colony but the thing that I relish most at the minute is my small chip on the rim. I really was my knackered old mug from her TARDIS. I smile into my tea before taking a small sip.
I sigh quietly into the mug, when was the last time I'd had anything warm? Did I even once with the Master or was it last time I was here? I can't really remember everything feel a little fuzzy, like I'm looking at it through a lense. Surely I should remember something like that. I shake my head sipping my tea once more but as it settles in my stomach I begin to feel sick.
I continue sipping slowly, I don't want Graham to think I'm being rude but with every sip I can feel my stomach twist a little more. I spend less time listening to the others and most time focusing on keeping the tea down. After a few minutes all my attention is on keeping the tea down, everything else starts to become blurry, the noiseing around me sounding muffled.
Before I can really process what I'm doing, I rise on shaky legs unaware of the stares of the three others sat at the table. "'m sorry." I force out before running over to the bin before I lost control. I must of only been a few steps away from the bin when it happened, so close if I had reached out maybe I could have made it. Instead I collapsed to the floor emptying my stomach onto the cold tiles below.
I continue to retch long after I've finished throwing up, my body still trying to reject the unknown liquid. Once it's over I realized what I've done, the Doctor is stood over me hand just above my back, hovering. I tense, what have I done? I swallow the lump in the back of my throat before daring to move.
"I...I'm sorry...I...I'll clean it up, please I swear it won't happen again...I'll" I swallow thickly again and begin trying to scope up my vomit with my hands. "I'll do whatever you want just please...please..." I choke back the sob that was trying to force its way out causing my voice to crack. I continue trying to scope the sick but I just seem to be making more of a mess.
I stop suddenly as the Doctor places her hand on mine. "Hey, it's ok. Come on let's get you cleaned up then you can head back to bed yeah?" She's smiling, it's small and kind, nothing like the Masters, all white teeth and hollow.
"Please, I..." I shut my mouth again, rule one Yaz, alway look submissive. I nod my head and try to make myself as small as possible.
"Please what? Yaz you can talk to me, what's wrong?" The Doctor gives my hands a small squeeze causing vomit to leak out from between our hands. I shake my head, chancing a glance at her, she doesn't seem angry but no you can't risk it Yaz. You can't end up back in the cells again.
The Doctors sighs before speaking again. "It's ok, you don't have to talk if you're not ready, let's just get you back to bed yeah?" She asks again and I nod dully. So much for getting out of that room Yaz, you've fucked it again. Maybe the Master was right? "Boys would you mind sorting out in here while I help Yaz clean up?"
"Yeah don't worry about it we'll sort in here." Graham replies for the two of them.
"I'll come see you in a bit Yaz, you know if you feel up to it?" Ryan asks as me and the Doctor head towards the door. I nod to show I've heard him, I don't trust myself to speak.
After the Doctor had helped me clean up and get changed she helps me back into bed. We don't speak as she does, I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall, it doesn't, she just helps me lie down before pulling the covers up around me. She takes her place at the side of the bed again and begins to fiddle with the loose thread on her coat.
I lie there watching as her interest goes from the loose thread to picking at the skin around her finger nails. I can't stop thinking about the way her hand felt in mine. How gentle she's been with me, I want her hand in mine again, it's like everything else falls away and for just a little while it can be just me and her. I don't want to ask. I shouldn't ask that of her, it isn't fair and yet every part of my body is screaming at me to just reach out and take it. Maybe it's worth the risk of the cells again, of the Masters wrath.
I pull my hand out from under the covers and with shaking fingers reach to gently brush over the back of her hand. I don't look at her face, too worried I've see her features morphe into his. They don't instead she turns her hand over letting my hand fall into it.
Chapter 15: The Joy in Little Things
"Yaz?" The Doctor breaks the silence that we fell into hours ago. I glance up at her so she knows I've heard. "Can I ask you something?" She looks a little nervous so I smile and nod, hoping it put her a ease a little. "If you don't want to tell me that fine but I just need to ask so I know what you can eat ok?" I nod again. "What did you eat, you know when you were there?"
I sit myself up slightly, taking a breath before answering. "It was this jelly like thing, it sorta tasted like fish I guess. It was ok." I whisper pulling my knees up to my chest. I'm not sure why but talking about all this makes me feel uncomfortable, I'd rather just pretend it never happened.
"It sounds like some sort of flavoured algae. The first off world colonists used to take it with them, stopped once they realized what happens if you eat only algae for too long." The Doctor explains, drawing circles on the back of my hand.
"What happens?" I ask feeling my stomach drop.
"You'll be ok, it's just that for the first week or so you'll find it hard to digest regular food, from memory diary was the worst thing eat... it would explain..." She trails off, dropping her gaze back down to our hands.
"I'm sorry" The Doctors find looks up at me again as she shakes her head.
"It wasn't your fault, I should of thought before now." We are both saved of the conversation when Ryan walks in.
"Hey Yaz, mind if I come sit with you for abit?" He asks hovering at the door. I smile shaking my head as he walks further into the room, looking at a loss as to where to sit.
"I'll leave you two to catch up for a while, if you need me you can come find me." The Doctor says getting up, leaving the seat free for Ryan to take.
"Hey Doc, what's with the mood lighting in here?" Graham asks as he walking into the Doctor workshop. The normally coral veins pulsing deeps blues, giving the whole room an unsettling glow.
The Doctor shakes her head, taking a deep breath, as she does the room returns to it familiar colour. "Sorry, didn't realize. What's up?" She asks turning away from her work bench.
"Just thought I'd check how you're doing. What that new sonic?" He asks glancing at the bench behind her. She shakes her head, removing her goggles, there's and unsettling look in her eyes.
"No, it's the Master. Thought I could pull the data out of it but..." She sighs putting her head in her hands. Graham pulls her into a hug, stroking her hair before pulling away again.
"What's it do?" He asks wondering what sort of data she was hoping to find. In answer she takes it off the stand it was on and aiming it at a long forgotten mug on the other side of the room. She presses the button once and a yellow laser beam shoots towards the mug shattering it into pieces. "You don't think he... used it on..." He stops looking back towards the door as if expecting Yaz to be there.
"I thought maybe he had, after the way she reacted to the sonic but after seeing the burns up close I was sure. I need to know how many... how many..." She drops the screwdriver and collapses into the chair beside her, tears threatening to fall. Graham's back by her side in a moment, pulling her into a hug once more.
"It's ok Doc, we've got this. No matter what happened she's safe with us now. Why don't we just get rid of the blasted thing once and for all, yh?"
"I can't I need to know..." She responds bending down to pick the screwdriver backup off the floor. Graham places a calm hand on hers, slowly preying the screwdriver away from her.
"Why would it help to torture yourself over it. You can't change what happened anymore than the rest of us. Would knowing really do any good?" He asks placing a hand over hers. She shakes her heads finally releasing the screwdriver from her grasp.
"Do you want some water or anything?" Ryan asks taking a seat beside me. I shake my head. What do I say? This all used to be so easy, talking with Ryan, we'd make jokes at each other but somehow that doesn't feel like the right thing to do right now. I missed he so much when I was away and yet I can't seem to find the right word now. "How about a game of card? It must be a little dull just sitting here all day." I smile and nod, cards I could do.
It's been a while since I last played but after a few rounds I begin to pick it up again. "Ace, two, three and diamonds, four jacks, three kings and I'm out." I say smiling slightly at the shocked look and Ryan's face. It feels nice to do something normal for a change, for so long everything I've done has been to survive.
As Ryan picks the cards up and begins to shuffle them, I find myself speaking before I can stop myself. "I missed you."
Ryan stops shuffling the card, placing them on the bedside table before taking my hand in his. "I missed you too, I was really worried we'd never get you back." He smiles at me, rubbing his thumb in small circles over my hand.
"How long was it... for you I mean?" I'm not sure why I'm saying any of this but my mouth seems to be forming words before my brain can stop it. Ryan sighs before speaking again.
"A few days, I just wish we could of gotten to you sooner." Ryan sighs again before picking the cards back up once more. We don't bring up what happened again, instead focusing on the game.
We must of been playing for longer than I realized because soon enough, the Doctor and Graham walk in. The Doctor holding a tray with what looks to be soup on it. As Ryan moves away tidying the cards away, she places the tray on my lap before handing me a cup with four little pills inside.
"The little pink one is a pain killer, the green should help with the sickness and the two white ones are anti-inflammatories. You don't have to take them if you don't want to just thought they might help." She smiles at me, small and caring. I wish I could see her old smile again, the one that out shone every sun she'd ever shown us.
Chapter 16: Cigarette Smoke
I'm really sorry I've been away for a while. I got quite sick and it's taken a couple of weeks to fully recover. I'll be back to updating regularly now.
The boys said goodnight awhile ago now, heading off to try and get some rest I suppose. I'm lying with my hand interlaced with the Doctors again, she hasn't moved since she came in. She looks tired, like she hasn't slept well in days.
I take in her appearance again, hair falling limply around her face, eyes bloodshot and skin looking paler than I think I've ever seen it. It's at this moment that she decides to run her face pushing her hair behind her ear. "Your earing, it's gone..." I say before I can think better of it. The Doctor brings her hand to her ear before dropping it again.
"Oh yh, I took it out." She shrugs but something doesn't feel right about it, I've never seen her without it since the first day she put it on.
"Why?" I ask voice barely above a whisper. This is a risky conversation and you know it Yaz. The Doctor sighs, letting her hand touch her pierced ear again.
"I guess I just don't feel like I deserve it right now." I answers, I don't really understand but before I can open my mouth again she continues. "My name, the one I chose, it's like a promise you make to yourself. I wore it earing to remind me of that promise... I guess I feel like I broke it when I lost you..." As she finishes a lone tear runs down her check.
I squeeze her hand a little tighter letting me lips form a small smile. "You found me, when I had no hope left, you were there when I needed you most... You were the Doctor more then than ever before."
We sit in silence for a minute, neither of us too sure what to say.
"Will you do something for me Yaz?" I nod my head sitting up a little more. "Ask me for one thing, anything at all. Just one thing for you, can you do that for me?" I nod steadying me breathing before speaking once more.
"A cigarette..." I falls from my lips before I can stop it. Of course the Doctor didn't mean something like that! She nods before slowly standing up again.
"I think there might be a pack in my study if I remember correctly." I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding as the Doctor puts her hand out to help me up.
She leads me through the TARDIS, stopping briefly at what must be her study before we head further into the ship. We stop when we get to a door, we can't be too far away form the engines, the sound of mechanical drones louder than normal. My breath is taken away as she opens the door, inside is a forest. How is there a forest on a ship. As if expecting my questions the Doctor speaks.
"It's an oxygen factory, a forest sucking in starlight, breathing out air. It even rains. It's a whole mini-climate. Thought you might like it." I nod as we step inside, the door closing swiftly behind us.
The Doctor leads me over to a bench not too far away from the door and hands me a cigarette before pulling another out. "I didn't realize you smoked?" I question as the Doctor lights her cigarette before handing me the lighter.
"I don't much now, haven't really had a taste for it since my eighth body. What about you?" I slowly bring the lighter to my the cigarette lighting it, the burn hitting the throat in a instant. I exhale slowly watching as the smoke disappears into the trees.
"I used to, long time ago now, Dad caught me..." I say taking another drag.
"Bet that went down well." She smirks before taking another drag herself.
"Three hours him and Mum were lecturing me for, thought they'd never stop." I say laughing a little a the memory.
"I can only imagine, your Mum is not someone I'd ever like to cross. She could scare an army to Cybermen off with just a look." She laughs taking another drag.
We fall into a comfortable silence as we both finish our cigarettes. I don't want to go back to that room, I want to tell her but how? How can I even explain what that room means to me now. For so long it was my prison and now I have to sit in it as if it is my safe haven. I know that I am being ridiculous and that a room is just a room but I feel my chest tighten at the thought of going back there again.
It's like he's here with me, watching my every move waiting for me to mess this up. I know, I really do, that he is not here but still I can't seem to part ways with the idea of him. The way his dead eyes would bore into the back as my head as I worked, how he's find any and every reason to punish me and it makes me feel sick.
"Hey Yaz? You ready to head back up to bed?" THe Doctor breaks through the wave of anxiety, calming me with only her voice. I swallow the lump in the throat before answering her.
"Can I stay with...you... I mean it's studip, just forget I said anything. I mean you wouldn't want that and I'm just being stupid I'm sorry, I'll just..." The Doctor places her hands on mine, stopping my rambling in its tracks.
"Cause you can, no need to apologize Yaz." The Doctor says with a slight smile putting me almost instantly as ease.