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My Poetry Compilation

Summary:

All my poems, posted pretty much in chronological order of when they were written. Can serve as a journey through recovery; and the teenage years of a self-harming, socially anxious, depressive, suicidal, autistic (but doesn't really know it yet) girl - in other words: me...

 

Not expecting much traffic for this work, just wanted to have them all in one easily-accessible place.
Can also find all my poems on my Poetizer here:
https://poetizer.com/author/54361
I bear my soul in this poems: if no one reads them that's fine with me!

But if you want to have some fun then may I suggest using a random number generator to pick a poem.

Notes:

Okay, I'm gonna be very honest with you guys right now.
My works of fanfiction all 'deal' with a subject that is close to my heart - obviously.

I am a recovering self harmer. While I am pretty comfortable with this label and the circumstances around it, when I'm particularly tired or emotional or hormonal things kinda get confusing for me emotions-wise. You see, technically speaking almost five years ago now (wow, I can't believe it's been that long) I was diagnosed with Autism (or ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder), you may know it as Asperger's syndrome... And that was supposed to explain away all of the mucked up wiring inside my head. And to a huge degree it did, and it totally allowed me to 'come to terms' with a huge portion of myself... But that didn't suddenly remove or erase any of what I'd been through, pretty much since puberty began but mostly since I hit my GCSE years (sorry, non-Brits if you're confused, about age 15-16).
In actual fact, I was about 13 when I first properly cut myself. I been using a compass for months when finally got desperate enough and smashed open a sharpener with a brick. Intense, I know.
Look, the point of this long author's note was not to give you my whole life story - because that would take a hell of a lot longer - but to explain one major detail relevant to this work...
I write to cope - probably not a huge surprise, but writing fanfiction is relatively new for me. Generally, my format of choice is poetry. Now while I fully get that that particular form of literature is not to everyone's taste, I can honestly say I would probably not be alive right now if I hadn't been able to vent as I did, and do, through expression in poems.
I wouldn't be explaining all this right now, as most of you probably don't care all that much and I don't expect many people to actually read these; but I wanted to add a little contextual explanation...
I am deliberately posting all my poetry from over the years, here, in a chronological order of when they were written; so for those who are curious it is basically a diary of recovery, complete with ups and downs, the importance of assistance in the right way and a couple of rants about society and such into the bargain.
The point is that I'm not saying they're all amazing poems - most were written in the middle of the night or in equally high emotion situations, or just when I was younger (like some of the first ones) - just that quite honestly I believe reading them could aid in understanding and awareness for self-harm and its recovery and relapse cycle - for those unaware or have not experienced this (I am very conscious that the majority of people in existence have not struggled with hurting themselves). And understanding, gained through honest unfiltered insight into a long-time suidical self-harmer's psyche, is one way forward - with any issue, tbh, but especially mental health.

If you comment any questions you may have about any part of any poem, I will be happy to answer them. And: enjoy? But don't let anything trigger you... (At some point I plan on putting trigger warnings for each poem but I haven't had chance yet - sorry).

There is also now a podcast of these poems, slowly... There's a lot of poems here and it takes a while to record them because I have to be careful to not let people overhear me!

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1: According

Chapter Text

Every day is a new day

Every morning a new start

Each awakening a new beginning

Each dreams ending, a new chapter

With every blink, with every breath

We change, day after day

Sometimes for the better

Or others not so much

With each chance that is taken

A thousand others pass us by

And in the weary noonday air

Past is the past and present present

Only the future is yet to be

So seize each dazed and cautious hour

Take each moment as a tale

Untold as yet, but soon by you

There is beauty everywhere

Gaze upon it hold it tight

Bare the truth, so cold and sure

To witness joy by close of day

The stars are there when it is dark

And rainbows only shimmer in the quiet of the rain

Laugh and you will see

What each word can do

Speak kind words, open your heart

Have the courage to stay true to you

For that is who you are

There is nothing worse than fear

But even it is necessary

And hope has more power when it's used

Strengthen others so they can strengthen you

Stronger together, stronger as one

Safe, so toil becomes a game

March on through the trying times

See the light, just out of reach

Keep going, the finish line's in sight

Know the future is before you

And each journey starts with a single step

So all you have to do is breathe

Each breath, not always welcomed

Brought by the graceful breeze

Get up, go, go, out into the world

Begin your life anew today

And treasure the morning light

Each day is a new beginning

A new start, a chapter not begun

Hope is by your side now

So let its kindness fill your soul

Life is a road full of forks and bends

But the path is never clear nor easy

But it’s there, so why go back

Our eyes look forward for a reason

That's where we're going

Now and always after

Time can be lost but never found

And explanations are only worthy

If they can ease a troubled mind

Life is not just out there yonder

But within us, till we pass on

Our beating hearts and active minds

Form a statement, good and true

We are alive

So hadn't we better act like it?