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violets are red, roses are blue, begonias mean "be gone" and i hate u

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Ok, first of all: flower arrangements are dumb. Don’t @ me. You can meet me in the pit. I’ll fight anyone on this. Except I won’t since I am currently in the hospital. And the cast in my arm is a big disadvantage in a fist fight. Maybe a knife fight? Anyways…

Life has been hard for me lately. As you can tell from my broken limb and the growing itch from the cast. Also I am failing English, my last shot is to turn in the extra credit short story until Monday.
Which I am doing. Right now. Because Jimin and Namjoon said so. Also Jin, but who cares.

Anyways, hello! This is Jeon Jeongguk, also known as Jungkook and in this essay I will tell the story about the most epic fight I’ve witnessed (and unwillingly participated). You should know I am innocent soul in all of this.
This tale involves stupid flowers, petty (and hot) dudes (aayyy), an (evil) old lady, that dog from the 51b, a dance off and a surprise (I’m still shooketh, so it’s the real deal).

Oh, and fists! This is gonna be good, so sit tight, teacher!

(Also, I just realized I said I’d fight you. I’m sorry, Mr. Sejin, it’s just how kids talk nowadays, ya know? Not really gonna fight you, you are super tall and a teacher. Unless you are homophobic. I hope not, since this will get pretty gay real quick)

Maybe I should use codenames? I was told this could be published in the school newspaper. Well…

Let’s get it, fellas?

First, context: I somehow live with a bunch of cool older friends. But really some of them hate each other. Also I really don’t live there, I just have a key to Jin hyung’s apartment and spend most of my free time stealing his food. My mom and his mom are like super friends and now he is stuck with me (I kinda raised him, don’t let him tell you otherwise).

So, about two years ago, hyung moved to this really cool and fancy apartment that is inside of a villa that looks like an old movie set. The small buildings form a huge square that has a big fountain in the middle and stuff.

That’s how Jin met Enemy Numero Uno. Here we are gonna call him Suga. Then he met his roommate, who we are going to call RM. Jin prefers to call him Enemy Numero Dos.

Unfortunately for Jin hyung, the two are his neighbors. Sucks to be him, I guess, but I love those guys. Suga is just so cool and RM is so smart, they both stayed really friendly to me even after The Incident.
More on that later.

Now! Y’all know Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin, right? Really cool, graduated from this very institution just last year, always together, look freaking too fine (some would even say perfect?). Right. So, good news: they are still soulmates, thriving in college and living with the legend J-Hope (yesss, fellow students, they are living with the most famous dancer in Korea, get it boooii). Also, right across the hall from Jin and the Enemy Numero Uno e Numero Dos.

I never really talked to them in school, but nothing really brings people together like witnessing countless screaming matches between neighbors.

Since The Incident, things have been… tense between Jin and Suga. But tense in a Cold War vibe. Some sabotage, some near apocalyptical moments. Honestly, the drama could have died down this year.

So J-hope. Jin calls him Eagle 1. I heard RM calling him Sunny Menace in a very respectful tone. Suga calls him Seok-Seok sometimes, but I think that’s unrelated.

Get this: he is the spy. A sneaky double agent whose alliance only lies with pure chaos. As the saying goes: some people just want to watch the world burn. I love him. He gives the best cuddles and forehead kisses.

In all of this, Taehyung and Jimin are… there? Just like I am. We mostly sit back, eat popcorn and try to stay out of the mess. Key word: try. Also more on that later.

So we have the key players. NOW CONTEXT: TIME FOR A FLASHBACK. PTCHOU PTCHOU BOOM

Two years ago. Jin hyung had just moved in, boxes were everywhere and the refrigerator had mostly chinese take out. He was at the door, already engaged in a shameless flirt with his two new neighbors simultaneously.

The tall one was trying to talk, but then Jin would say something ridiculous and he would turn pink while shouting a short HAHA. He was wearing shorts and I sent a brief kiss to the sky for whoever invented short shorts. The tiny one was still in the corridor, typing on his phone and apparently ignoring the whole thing.

I was sitting on the sofa. Not afraid to admit I was trying to hide and be one with a pile of boxes. I was invisible and not paying attention (besides the thighs in my line of vision), because hyung was so embarrassing. He opened the door saying “Hello there, cuties, don’t I look handsome today? How can I bless you with my wisdom?” instead of just greeting them like a normal person. Or pretending he wasn’t home when the doorbell rang. Like I would do.

Then he was closing the door saying “So it’s a date!” as goodbye.

It really wasn’t a date. RM (the tall one) was inviting Jin to the condo meeting that would discuss the annual new year party. The flyer RM gave said the meeting was important to vote for the main event of the party. Don’t get excited, it’s lame. Get this: it’s a hugeass flower arrangement around the marble fountain with a theme to welcome the New Year.

BUT HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART: Suga and RM had been living together for five years there. And every damn year Suga would pull a magical florist act and make really pretty (I said they are lame, not ugly, again: don’t @ me) flower sculptures. RM helped the first time and soon it became their thing. They started making plans for the next year even before the flowers of the last one had withered.

Meanwhile, Jin had a few things he defended as perfect: his face, his pitch whenever he screamed, his cheese spicy pork bowl and his flower arrangements. He had won two national awards in a flower arrangement competition and participated in a documentary about art with nature. It was his family thing, something his grandparents taught his dad and it became a tradition.

Since I don’t actually have a life, I was there, at the fateful meeting that turned into a bloodbath. I don’t want to play the blame game, but RM started it.

I was honestly impressed that Jin hyung organized a whole design and a video presentation for his flower arrangement within such short notice. It was pretty funny when he asked to turn off the lights and played the video. Suga had just showed a few drawings and the inspiration for his pitch before, and now he looked at Jin like he had murdered a puppy in front of him.

The video ended and the old(er) people in the room clapped, I saw a small old lady with tears in her eyes. Jin was glowing while everyone praised his genius. No, really, he actually threw his head back and opened his arms wide.

Competition makes people do crazy things. I would know. Once Taehyung dared me to steal a dog, saying Jimin would help him steal a dog no questions asked and could even do it faster than me. Well…

The votes seemed pretty obvious, but the Enemies would not go down without a fight. Unlucky for them, Jin thrives in conflicts.

So, before everyone could vote Suga made a dry remark, calling Jin’s presentation “cute” but questioning his credentials. Everyone was civil at that point, but Jin’s ears were pink. It was a challenge, but a polite one. Suga reminded the room that they may need a sample of his work and he threw in a reminder of budge limits. Then he dropped the mic: “What I am saying is: can you really pull this off?”

A clear bait to rattle Jin. And of course it worked. I already knew what Jin would say and how it would go. And he, as if scripted, got up and yelled rapidly: “Yah! You can trust my two national golden trophies and worldwide fame on this. My art is documentary worthy. Netflix was at my door begging to film with them. It’s about time a professional takes over”

Someone in the room went “oooh”, mayhaps it was me.

“Titles mean shit”, Suga mumbled without missing a beat.

But RM... I really couldn’t expect the sudden wild card RM turned out to be.

RM got up too. He pointed at Jin and screamed: “I know you! You are freaking worldwidehandsome92!”

“Wait…”, Suga seemed legit shocked.

“HA! I knew I recognized the pictures on the condo website! You posted them on the forum page! You are the MonsterCypher69!”, Jin also pointed fingers now.

Everyone, life is funny. The kind of funny only Jimin knows how to pull off: charming, random and unexpected even for him. Turns out my friends happened to be lamer than I could ever anticipate. New neighbors, old internet enemies. They yelled a lot after that. Suga was really confused about having a reputation in an internet forum about flower art that RM and Jin frequented.

“Suga* is a genius and respected in the underground scene!”, RM screamed and waved his arms. “You are nothing!”

“What?”, Suga yelled back. “Wait, you hate on younger people than you on the internet? That’s lame, Seokjin-ssi”.

“Oh, shut it you non-artist fools!”, Jin screamed to them both.

“You are going down!”, RM bellowed.

“Oh, yeah? I’m superior to you in every way, flowers and face, so try me!”

“We will make a better flower arrangement and you will be humiliated”, shouted RM, gesturing wildly.

I really don’t know why they were screaming at each other’s faces. Some old people were cheering, a couple of ladies had scandalized faces and someone was sleeping. The sleeping dude looked strange, with a comic open mouth, and I know my mind must have drifted because next thing I knew I was being yanked from my chair and dragged away by Jin hyung.

Suga was holding RM back while he screamed about Jin winning over his dead body or something.

“Defeat is not an option”, Jin screams back while he fast walks us out of the room.

In the next weeks, all hell broke loose. You would think there is a limit to the ways one can sabotage a flower show. The limit was surpassed after the third fire. The two designs were made in the end, the themes were lost in the chaos and the fountain looked crazy, half decorated by Jin and half by the Enemy.

The smell when the flowers burned later was so strong I had to stay away for a week. (allergies :|) Jin was so furious he called me every day to complain. The three had received a notice from the other neighbors for breaking multiple condo rules and a warning from the fire department.

The next year, everyone decided that they would make a pre-event with a contest to pick the design for the flower sculpture. Suga and RM won. Jin claimed they cheated and screamed that that wouldn’t be the last they would see of him.

“We literally live next to each other”, Suga screamed back.

Honestly, I don’t know what we all expected. Jin arrived in the middle of the party, wearing a white suit, drinking champagne with Beyoncé’s music Diva playing on the background. Then twenty three drones descended from the sky carrying a huge flower sculpture of his face. Petals fell and I saw some people crying. Also, Suga was giving Jin the nastiest look and RM had just crushed the glass he was holding.
The drones stayed for a few hours. The noise was very effective to drown the fight RM, Suga and Jin were having by the fountain. And when RM made a sudden movement and knocked one of the vases out of place...

I am so glad I filmed it so I could show it to Hobi, Tae and Jimin later. Imagine this in slow motion (I also added a dope soundtrack): Suga tries to grab the vase at the same time Jin reaches for it. They collide. Suga bounces off Jin and dives into the fountain. Jin laughs so hard he drops the vase. RM goes to help, he trips over Jin and another vase. The two fall into the fountain.

The drones slowly drifting away are the perfect touch to the scene.

Craziest thing: since there were no fires and Jin’s arrangement could not be technically classified as illegal, as it didn’t touch the ground inside the villa, they received no warnings last year. Just a low fine for swimming in the fountain.
(The resulting see-through clothes may have swayed the opinions of the condo council)

 

Since then Suga and Jin have developed a new form of threat that consists of elaborate flower gifts to each other.

The flowers that hyung receives always come with some mean rhymes. Jin always adds a selfie and a ridiculous pun to his. The best one so far was “Daisy me rollin’,they hatin’”.

Six months into this and the chaos trio moved in across the hall. First I tried to run and hide from them. One day I was kidnapped (read: lured out with ramen and videogames) by Jimin and Taehyung. Next thing I know, I’m helping them catch up to the war zone scenario happening in their corridor.

Turns out, both sides had already tried to buy their allegiance with welcoming gifts, like teddy bears, fruit baskets, homemade pies and lots of flowers.

Each apartment gets one vote at the reunions. They quickly understood what the two neighbors were trying to do. And Jimin said he really liked the pies and flowers; Taehyung reminded them they had destroyed three pans trying to cook two weeks after moving in. Hobi acknowledged the points being made and also added his piece.

“Shoulders, dimples and kitten are hot”, they all nodded, hummed, smiled and shook hands.

They looked at me and giggled. Describing like that, it sure doesn’t sound threatening. It shouldn’t but it was. Very. Threatening.

“This is not leaving here, Jungkookie~~”, Jimin sang as he hugged me so hard it hurt a little.

Being in their spy plan was fun. They were always over for dinner at Jin’s. Hobi and RM would go out to drink beer. He and Jimin would have late night philosophical talks. With Taehyung, he visited museums. I once walked in Hobi and Suga doing face masks while drinking daiquiris. Suga had wine Tuesdays with Jimin. And he would never say no to Taehyung asking his help and to teach him the most random things.
Jin knows Hobi hangs out with The Enemy. And he gossips about them. The duo also knows Hobi is friends with Jin. And talk shit about him too. More often than not I find Jimin having lunch with him. And he has a game night with Taehyung every weekend.

It’s just like family. Hobi gathers knowledge and releases pieces when he wants. He would give ammunition to The Enemy. Hype Jin up when he gets mad. Post pictures on social media and deliver threats. They would ask him about the other part; he would vaguely say he feels they were up to something, because he would explode from lying.

It was chaotic. Every week there was a drama. I got used to arrive to screaming matches in the hall. They even grew out of the forum website and started subtweeting each other instead. Often they also crashed each other’s dates. The six of them picked me up from school one day. Jin almost died when Suga started feeding me beef.

If we were spending more and more time together as a group, no one made note of that.

But disaster never comes alone. Meanwhile, the devil moved in to the building next to us.

It came in the form of an old lady. She looks like a nice grandmother and smells like any old person does. Don’t let that deceive you, she must feed from real old people to absorb their essence and mask the smells of sulfur from hell.
First, she hates dogs. Who hates dogs? More scary than that, dogs don’t like her either and get disturbed by her presence. She also screamed at Taehyungie once for no reason and he is basically a puppy. Full offense: no one screams at Tae. Jimin said she is worse than the devil. She looks disapprovingly at Jimin. Authority and motherly figures always worship the ground Jimin walks on. (Really! He was class president for seven years, was nearly elected class president in a school he never attended and was almost appointed to run the parents council).

Besides luring children with candy to eat them (she keeps offering candy to me, but I am a smart cookie - and Namjoonie hyung said I shouldn’t accept food from creepy strangers), her hobby is ikebana, the Japanese art of, yeah, you guessed it, flower arrangements.

So I already knew she was bad when one day I walked in the villa and she questioned the doorman if I was allowed in. She made a whole deal about people walking in unannounced and called me a punk. I am not afraid to admit I almost cried. (I’m not punk, I’m emo!)

Jin came to get me and said he would take care of it. He also slashed her tires.

(Side note: Jimin just read over my shoulder and pointed out some mistakes. Like the fact I just revealed RM’s name as Namjoon. Well, maybe I should not have used a pen to write this. I am tired of codenames. Suga is Yoongi, There. Now I’ve said it. Jimin facepalmed. I don’t know what he wants from me anymore)

This is our backstory, the incident, the rivaltry, the beautiful lies and the blooming (ha ha get it?) friendship. And then we proceed to the series of somewhat debatable choices that led to epic happenings:

--

“You must be wondering why I gathered you here today”, Jin said as he put the cups of instant ramen in the middle of his table.

The only noise was the distant echoes of the dog from the apartment upstairs barking madly.

“We have been defeated”, he continues in a grave tone.

From across the table, Yoongi let out a long deep suffering sigh. Jin’s eyes narrow at him. I am perched on the kitchen sink. Jimin and Taehyung are sitting in front of me, talking to each other on their private chat. I can read everything, their current topic is a debate about putting spices in instant ramen and if it becomes fancy depending on what you put in it.

(Yes, yes it does!)

In front of them, Namjoon’s arms are crossed and he is ready for a fight. Hobi is looking at him like he hung the moon or something.

“She has mistreated our babies and she has introduced the gullible folks to her japanese sad excuse for flower art!”, Jin presses on, eyes still on Yoongi.

“Ikebana and an old lady may be a threat to you, but…”

“Shut it, Numero Uno, I have my sources”, Jin was already screaming (his source was Susan, who was easily bought by his pies, which he made me carry to her apartment).”The old lady has a plan and it’s gonna work, we are going to be excluded from this year’s contest”.

“That’s bullshit, no way she could do that!”, Suga growls.

“My thoughts exactly, tiny Numero Uno. Except she already did!”, he dramatically took a paper out of his pocket, flicked it and slammed on the table.

“As you are all illiterate fools, I'll break it to you. Her schemes are deep and dirty. She is the sponsor for the new fountain lights, so she has the rights to decide what is done in that area. It's in the damn Villa rules”

“The what now?”, Namjoon brings the paper close to read.

“I refuse to be defeated by a lower talent, as you may remember from last year, so I propose a collaborative creative intervention”

“Oh so we are using big words now?”, Namjoon gives one short ironic laugh.

“Wow”, Jimin whispered looking at Joon.

“Your only talent is causing chaos and being a stubborn shit!”

“That's two talents, though…”

“You…”

“And untrue. I am also devastatingly handsome”

“Oh, fuck off”, Namjoon growled.

“Is it weird that this turns me on?”, Jimin whispered a bit too loud.

Taehyung giggled. “Same, Jiminie”, he said, and then added. “It's a waste of talent either way. She is a very mean and bossy lady. Also, I love both of your styles, it's a shame I don't get to see the art from my favorite people”, he was pouting and successfully distracting Jin and Namjoon from their staring battle. He turned a cheeky smile to Yoongi. “What are you thinking, hyung?”

“Ok, first, don't fucking swear in front of the kids, Joon. And, second…” he let a long sigh. “If we can’t beat them at their dirty game…”, Yoongi says.

Jin shakes himself and smiles at him. “Exactly. Murder!”

“Yes!”, Hobi shouted excited while RM screamed “No!”

“We bring her down?”, I tried.

“Team work to make sure this shit works”, Namjoon sighs, a bit defeated but with a manic glint in his eyes.

The dog keeps barking. In his text to Jimin, Taehyung complains about the poor puppy being alone all day.

“Ok, ok, so what's the game plan”, Hobi smiles.

--

The first part was simple: don’t engage with the devil. The following weeks, we were all smiles and tight lips. Even when she tripped Hobi with her cane and when her ikebana presentation was passed by the council. Namjoon, Yoongi and Jin were all cold eyes and frozen smiles.

But we had a busy schedule. It was no surprise that the three flower nerds could cooperate to create a design together. The second part was taking measurements of the villa and finding a big enough field. Part three of the preparation was buying a very suspicious amount of cameras, drones, projectors and, well, flowers.

For part four, Namjoon pulled his underground contacts from the flower online community, gathering “intel” about The Devil. The flowers were about their pride, he said to me, but there was a bigger war to win.

And we got to work. Yoongi really liked the meaning of flowers and just for fun I’ll tell you some of the plants I remember they put in the massive sculpture: Yellow carnations for disdain; Butterfly weed as a warning to back off; Aconite for hatred; Birds Foot Trefoil for revenge.

(“Begonia for ‘Be gone’”, Jin squeaked with laughter. As Yoongi rolled his eyes and put down the flower on the list anyway, I mentioned to him that he never sent any of those to Jin. He just mumbled for me to grab him coffee and walked away.)

At the day of the fountain ikebana party, we had just a few hours to put everything in motion.

With Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and Jin doing the finishing touches on the field of flowers, making sure the drones and cameras were put just right in frame, we had team trouble to put the “charm our way in” plan in motion. It was simple: me, Jimin and Taehyung had a lot of projectors that needed to be placed on rooftops and balconies in such a way that all surfaces and buildings would be covered by our flowers.

Jimin did the math for that part, he kept mumbling about the total of square meters for common areas, the four sides of six buildings, six rooftops, etc. Honestly, I was kind of pissed off someone could actually use Bhaskara’s formula in real life. Imagine a test going: “You have a revenge plan against an old lady: how many cameras would realistically project the image of a field of flowers onto several buildings?”

Craziness. Jimin did it anyway.

I very much needed to test all the cameras, including the ones that would record the whole finished project in the villa. But I had other urgent matters to attend.

“But Jungkookie… Jimin would totally get me a dog, like no questions asked”, Taehyung dared me.

“Heck, I would steal many dogs for you”, Jimin said as he installed one projector on their balcony.

“See?”, he smiled big. “Jimin ain’t afraid of nobody…”

“That’s right”

“And we have to free him!”

“He cries every night!”

“All the time”

“And they never walk him”

“I would walk him!”

“This is insane, I’m in”, I agreed.

So as Taehyung distracted another kind of evil lady inside her kitchen and Jimin angled the projector on the balcony just right, I, well… I stole a dog for Kim Taehyung. As one does.

The Pomeranian was so small it fit inside my jacket. It barked once, trying to reach my face and lick it. Jimin faked a sneezed to cover it and Taehyung almost dropped the pie he was there to deliver. With a lot of smiles and a few excuses, we were out.If we pretended we did not hear the scream of “Where is juju?” and if we walked faster away from the fifth floor, that’s our business only.

So we continued to bribe and distract the few selected neighbors to place the tech inside their homes. Evading the angry neighbor who was convinced her dog wandered off. And staying clear off the evil old lady.

By the time we finished with our part, we had an hour to the main event. Namjoon and Hoseok were back while the other two stayed behind to coordinate the drones there. While we entered the other places with permission of the owners, there was one place that had to be broken into: to the Devil’s lair. There we would place the last touch.

Now it was time to engage with the enemy.

I tell you this now because I reviewed my footage from the cameras we installed to record the reactions of the villagers. Many parts were a blur. Like, as we approached the lady it was like she could sense us, she turned around so fast. She was wearing a strange green dress with a lot of frills around her knees. Her cane had a little panther on the handle with red jewels for eyes. She had some sort of small dead animal around her neck. Even with the warm weather.

“What are you troublemakers being so suspicious about?”, she yelled.

Then we made one of the handfuls of mistakes that day: letting me and Hoseok in charge of talking. Really, we should have thought this more carefully. This part of our whiteboard with the plan only had “DISTRACT THINK IDEIAS LATER!!!!!!” written on it.

“Woooow”, he began, way too loud and with too much cheer in his tone. “What are you lovely Miss doing here?”

Her eyes instantly narrowed. Behind her, I saw Jimin tiptoeing to her purse, left on one of the food tables for the party. She began to turn her head…

“AH!”, Hobi screamed and jumped. “I’m just here to suggest…”

“Yes?”, she gave him a nasty look. And started turning again...

“What is this little fella?”, he squeaked pointing to the thing around her neck.

What really distracted her from seeing Taehyung running to Jimin, grabbing the whole purse and dragging him to the building was a new furious scream.

“Did you kill my baby juju, you awful hag?”, the woman from 51b was coming at the old lady.

“What? You impolite…”

They started arguing, the younger woman accusing the other of getting rid of her dog and the other saying whoever put an end to the dog did a favor to them all.

I remember pointing suggestively to the dead animal she was wearing. Drama was good. No sight of any purse, no Jiminie or Taetae in harm’s way.

“And what are you even doing? Is that my bag?”, and oh no, the old lady had seem Namjoon.

“Jungkook, dance off”, Hobi slapped my arm and shoved me in Namjoons direction.

“Hyung, dance off”, I screamed at Namjoon.

And I did the only thing my panicked brain could think. I started to break dance.
There was music, at some point; I think Hoseok turned his phone on. And a lot of people had started gathering, as the time to begin the party approached and they were lured by the possible gossip about missing/dead dogs. And now they had a show.

I did the worm to finish my part and got up. And Namjoon started to dance. Well, I saw he spin and hip thrust once before I had a furious old lady yanking my ear. Ouch, my piercings!

Then, the real music began. The sun was still going down, but the lights went off. Jimin and Tae must have gotten back to their place to start our plan early. The crowd went “ohhh” just as the projectors turned everything purple, then started blinking a countdown. Also, Namjoon slapped the hands of the old lady off of me.

“Let him go!”, he said.

“What is happening?”, she screamed at him.

“This is our party”, Namjoon smiled. And then he got punched by a grandma.

INSANE. Like, who could guess an old tiny lady could pack a punch? I looked at Hobi, only to see him automatically slap his hand around to defend from another punch the old devil was throwing his way. With his eyes closed, he managed to slap her face.

And he looked at me, I looked back. We both were shocked. We looked at Namjoon on the ground, he was out of words.

The old lady punched Namjoon!! Hoseok slapped an old lady! I had it on camera!

“This is mine!”, she sneered at us while addressing the crowd. She climbed a chair and declared she had a surprise show for everyone. She said that like the liar she was and we could hear the drones already in the air. The projectors transmitted the images and…

Her smile disappeared and the crowd went wild.

One thing about this plan: I’m the tech guy for this. And I only have some videogame and camera knowledge. Like, I can edit videos and stuff? I explained to everyone how to start the show and the plan was to let it roll until the batteries went dead. Simple. There was no way to tell Jin and Yoongi to stop the drones from here. And I guess they thought they had some time to spare before the show.
I really wish this was what happened. I don’t want to even think about their kinks, I’m already scarred for life.

So the first thing we all saw was Jin’s butt. They both were in some state of undress. And they were… kissing… very passionately. Hmm, like a lot. In the middle of the flowers. Luck for all of us, we did not have the audio for that.

There was a lot of screaming, some of it was me. I saw Hoseok dashing to our apartment. Namjoon had his mouth opened in a silent scream and his hands pulling his hair.

Like it was planned, the drone was going to fly around the field of arranged flowers, showing details and then zoom out to reveal the big picture to form: an artistically designed middle finger. All of that would cover every inch of the buildings with flowers, like they were made of it.

The two must have heard it when the drone moved. For a moment, Yoongi was looking at the camera and I saw his lips form one word: “shit”. The drone was not quick enough to miss the moment when Yoongi shoved Jin off him. I saw that particular dangerous image coming and closed my eyes.

I remember thinking: “how did I end here, I’m only six years old!”

Here is what I did not see coming when I decided to save my sanity: the flashing of young gay love was too much for the old lady. I did not see her fainting. I did not see her falling. I just stood there, ready to become a squashed jungkook pancake. I did feel my elbow hitting the ground tho. It was pain, and nothing else.

So here we are. The hospital with a broken arm. Taehyung drawing his new dog, Yeontan, on my cast. Jimin pointing out my spelling mistakes.

On account of public display of nudity, the devilish old lady was banned from villa activities.The condo council interpret she was responsible for it, since she said it was her surprise right before we all got to see the Seokjin Ass (& some suga). Hoseok told me she also had a fine for throwing our gift to her out of the window.

All the trouble just for this: we left at her dining table a small ikebana made with an olive branch and begonias. Also, a letter of some ikebana association banning her from their club. Namjoon discovered she used adulterated fertilizer to increase the duration of her flowers, which meant she cheated on some national record or something.

On the other hand, we were homeless! Well, the landlords were called by the council and we were “asked to leave”; an adult way to say kicked out. Apparently, they said the illegal tech installation was the last straw.

I mean, I’m not homeless because I still live with my parents. But Namjoon mentioned a nice apartment closer to my school that has a big kitchen, many rooms and a nice rooftop garden.

Yoongi and Jin still seem unable to form sentences. They are still blushing hard and holding hands. Disgusting. But cute.

We could have seen it coming? Well, maybe we all should have. The two are idiots, sending flowers and annoying notes to each other. Namjoon is slowly warming up to the idea. He just said they can be roommates now.

 

Epilogue

“You wrote a story about us?”, Jin asked while pushing the new couch to the wall.

“Yep”, Jungkook answered from the kitchen countertop. “The teacher says he loves my imagination and how I created an unreliable narrator while capturing the essence of youth or some shit like that. I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention to class…”

“Dear lord”, Namjoon sighed.

Yoongi high-fived him: “Fuck school, kid”..