Work Header

File Under "F" for Friend or "L" for Lover

Work Text:

It was never a wise idea to let him alone in the office, Captain Hastings thought to himself as he sat on the settee after having finished the morning paper. Poirot should have known that as should have Miss Lemon. Both of them had gone out from Whitehaven's, however, leaving him to keep his own company and needing to entertain himself all on his lonesome.

Miss Lemon had been the first to leave, going out to collect Poirot's fresh bread for his evening meal. The little Belgian was adamant that his baguette come immediately out of the baker's oven and straight to his kitchen. It was simply not permissible for it to stay a second longer at the bakery and so he sent his poor secretary off to collect it ever single morning.

Poirot had gone out next with the announcement that he would not be back until the sun had set. A secretive investigation had been preoccupying him these last few days, and whenever Hastings had inquired what exactly it was, Poirot would merely look annoyed and politely tell him that it was a sensitive matter and that he would only potentially mess things up if he placed his long nose in it.

As if he could ever do that, Hastings thought resentfully.

Now though, he was getting bored and that was never what either Poirot or Miss Lemon would consider a good thing. The latter of them in particular was often ready to recall the incident when she had been helping Poirot with the Amelia Barrowby case, out in Rosebank in Charman's Green, only to return and find her office in shambles. She never let him forget about it even though he had tried to explain to her that he had only been trying to pay a bill!

Then again, Miss Lemon had told him not to pay it.

But she hadn't had to listen to Trumper's ringing the phone constantly and demanding immediate payment.

Besides it had all worked out for the best, Hastings had consoled himself later. If he hadn't paid it Poirot would never have cracked the case, after all. It had been a good thing really to go through the woman's drawers without her permission.

This train of thought led the man dangerously to get the itch to do so again. She was always so thorough with them. Surely there would be some interesting piece of information to amuse himself hidden in the files within the filing system she was so bloody proud of.

With a naughty smile, Hastings arose from the couch and headed over to the absent woman's office.

Absently, he began to go through the files only to find that his boredom was merely increasing. The little woman was very precise but the whole thing was about as dry as an overcooked turkey at Christmas. It was hardly exciting reading until he made a rather unusual discovery. Hidden away at the end of each file, Miss Lemon had written a few words about her personal evaluations of each person involved in the case.

They involved the selected person's character more than the case itself and this was particularly intriguing.

On a whim, Arthur Hastings decided to check under "H" to see if the efficent little secretary had created a file in regards to him. He wasn't really expecting there to be one so when his eyes did infact land on a file marked "HASTINGS, CAPTAIN ARTHUR J. M." they became as large as two of the wheels on his beloved Lagonda. Grabbing the file, Hastings began to leaf through it, seeing typed up in great, painstaking detail his successes and failures. The formers the Captain was quite proud of; the latters he could very well have done without. Still it was her personal assessment of his person which interested him the most and he hurriedly flipped to the final pages only to be jiggered as he read this unexpected entry:

Arthur Hastings is a handsome and sweet man that has won my heart during our time working together for Hercule Poirot. However, the Captain is a man whom is smarter than he suspects but let's his own insecurity and carefree manner hamper his intelligence. He is the type of man who cannot make up his mind easily, or without assistance. Case in point, when he wished to purchase that Eliso Freccia but could not make up his mind. As such, I cannot tell if we will ever be able to move past our obvious attraction to each other or if we are to remain safely friends for the rest of our lives. I desire more but fear that he will never reach the stage where we become lovers.

The heartfelt confession from the oftentimes reserved or stern secretary threw the good Captain for a loop. They had been out a few times together but, unsure of her feelings for him, he had never pushed his luck. Now, however, convinced that Miss Felicity Lemon loved him as much as he had secretly loved her, he was moved to let go of the hesitancy and indecision that the woman had criticized him for and take matters into his own hand by transitioning them from the "F" section to the one labeled "L" for lovers instead!

* * *

Arthur Hastings was sitting back on the settee when he heard the door opening and Miss Lemon bustling in.

"Captain Hastings, I'm back!" she called out, announcing her return.

"Jolly good!" the man shouted back and pretended to read the paper he was already quite familiar with.

He could guess her movements well. She'd drop off the baguette first and then be off to her office where she would find her precious filling system open on the letter...

"Captain Hastings! Have you been going through the 'L' files?" she stated quite loudly and angrily.

"Why yes! You should have a look under 'Lemon,' Felicity.' It makes for quite a good read!"

After a few seconds, Arthur turned away from the Sports section to watch as Felicity came rushing in with the file he had typed up held in her hands. She looked at him, her blues eyes wide with shock, and began to read out loud what he had had a devil of a time typing up on her broken typewriter. She was right: Poirot really should buy her a new one.

"Miss Felicity Lemon is one beautiful and graceful lady. With her wonderful and perfect small breasts and her wide hips and plump bottom I would very much like to move our relationship out of the 'F' for friends section of her marvelous and too complicated filing system and become 'L'  for lovers as soon as possible."

She stared at him and while there was a slight tinge of annoyance, because he had gone through her files, there was more joy held in her bright, beautiful, blue eyes than the territorial defense mechanism. "You really mean this?"

"Why of course, my dear Felicity! You were just right in what you said about me. I'm too unsure. But about you and I...NEVER..."

"Oh Arthur!" she exclaimed and rushed over and knelt before him.

He placed the paper to the side and held her. "Did you mean that soon as possible part as well?" she asked rather naughtily and Arthur felt her thin fingers begin to unbuckle the black belt to his trousers. Suddenly, very certain and very excited, Arthur Hastings proudly declared, "Yes!"

With his cock beginning to throb in the most delightful manner, Arthur Hastings watched as Felicity undid his belt fully and properly and the fly as well. No sooner had she parted both sides of the trousers' opening then his penis popped out, large and red, from the opening of his article of clothing. Felicity's eyes widened even larger than when she had read the file he had typed up. "Oh my!" she cooed. "You mean, you have been keeping this from me all the time!"

"You're the one that makes it that big, Felicity darling," he informed her with a husky voice and a mischievous wink.

The woman moaned in delight and then brought her bird like hands to the pulsating organ, which was waiting for her touch; it had been waiting infact for a very long time. Her fingers trailed up the raphe and Arthur Hastings jolted from the first contact of her skin with this most delicate part of his anatomy. A gush of liquid flew out of his raised cock and dribbled out. With glee, Miss Lemon made her palm wet with it and began to run her hand up and down the plump length of his penis, pumping the organ as if she were hoping to call forth even more of the fluid. Arthur threw his head back and moaned in delight as she received her wish. More and more precum was leaking out, helping her in her glorious working of him. Her touch was sending delicious pleasure throughout his body. Hastings felt his balls tightening. Suddenly, Felicity licked her lips hungrily and introduced them to the member. Her tongue flicked the slitted opening and as Arthur felt her taking him inside her warm and moist mouth he grunted. "Oh yes!" he cried. "More of that."

The woman complied, opening and closing her mouth as she took more and more of him in while she continued to let her clenching hand make its journey up and down his erection. Everything seemed red before him as he sat in Poirot's office letting the woman fellate him: the hair on Felicity's head, her lips on him and his burning and ready to release erection. Staring at his love's lips wrapped around his cock, Arthur began to thrust a little, raising his buttocks off of the settee in order to push himself deeper inside of her mouth. She did not seem to mind but more than welcomed the member's deeper entrance. As she did so, his balls tightened all the more until he felt his cock begin to spasm violently as he suddenly came. It was an almost exhausting act, having been saving up his lust for years now ever since he had first met Felicity Lemon.

All spent for the moment, he panted loudly, raising his head just in time to watch her releasing him. Come fell from her mouth as the penis likewise fell out of her oral orifice. She greedily closed her lips tightly not wanting another drop to escape. Swallowing it, the woman rose to her feet and was surprised as Arthur took hold of her and ripped down her panties, pushing up her demure dress up to her waist.

"Arthur!" she exclaimed.

"Why so shocked, Felicity?" he asked lustily. "You know how I love going through your drawers to see what secrets lie inside of them. This is the best type, though, my dear!"

Arthur Hastings grabbed a handful each of the woman's bottom and began to squeeze them as he buried his face in her crotch. His thin lips found her clitoris and after his tongue had given it a few hearty licks,  began to suckle it. Oh how he delighted in listening to her soft moans which grew into enthusiastic and incoherent cries as he removed a hand from her buttocks and placed three fingers inside of her quickly flooding vagina. It was a matter of seconds before her body was trembling confessing her own sexual peak and release.

Panting now too she parted from him only to see that her lover was once more hard, his cock an intimidating  tower structured defiantly on his groin. "We simply must attend to that!" she announced, once again hitched up her dress and impaled herself on Captain Arthur Hastings penis.

Grinding her pelvis enthusiastcally, Arthur soon grabbed her full ass again and thrusted into her. Joyfully, he suddenly repositioned their bodies so that he was on top of her.

"Ohhhh!" she cried out in carnal delight and emotional ecstasy as the Captain continued to thrust away."

"Put me down for 'I' as in I say!" Arthur Hastings decreed.

A mess of clothed limbs that were flailing and grasping while their naked bits joined, clenched and slid, Poirot's two dearest friends pumped and pounded away until Felicity's shout of "Ahhhhh," filled the absent detective's office signalling her second orgasm for the day and Hastings finished up with a coy cry of "Zzzzzzz!" in an attempt to be clever.

Kissing each other passionately, both failed to hear the office door and could only turn to see Poirot staring down at them in shock before he promptly fainted.

"Well I think that will be something the poor old chap will file away as something he wished he'd never seen," Hastings theorized without any shame or regret.

"Really? I'll mark it as 'L!'" the tiny secretary corrected.

"For lovers," Hastings beamed as he turned to look at his love.

"No!" she smiled deviously. "'L' for let's do it again!" she cried out and wriggled her body against Captain Hastings vigourously, trying to make his spent penis come back to life. 

Of course, Captain Arthur Hastings could do little else but comply. It was Poirot's own fault, after all, for leaving him alone and bored in the office, tempting him to go through her drawers. Besides, they both knew how passionate Miss Lemon was about her files. To keep her waiting would be a very silly thing to do.

And as the good Captain found both his erection and way back inside of Miss Lemon, the woman happily proclaimed,

"Arthur Hastings, I quite enjoy being filed under You!"