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The Endless Turnabout

Chapter 32: The Trials of Trucy Wright: Day Three: Trial Latter

Summary:

This is it- The Third Act of the trial! The Wright Anything Agency makes its final stand against the evil prosecutor, Winston Payne. The limits of these lawyers will be tested, and all will converge into the epic conclusion of this desperate struggle. Who will win? Who will lose? Will Trucy be proven innocent? Find out now, in this chapter - In the climax of Part II: The Payneful Turnabout!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

March 30th, 12:45 PM
District Court
Defense Lobby

Back in the Defense Lobby, all three of our heroes and Trucy were shocked. They had no idea what just happened.

“What just happened?!” asked Apollo, in a rather frantic manner.

“I don’t fucking know!” Phoenix said pacing (crutch-style) back and forth. “I’m just… So baffled right now. I don’t even know what to say.”

“WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! I’m gonna fucking die!!!” Trucy sobbed profusely. Apollo ran up to her and sobbed with her.

“WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Trucy’s gonna fucking die!!” Apollo sobbed, tears flying out of his eyes in all directions.

“C-calm down everyone!” Mia said, trying to be the voice of reason, like many female characters in a sitcom. Such as Elaine (of Seinfeld fame) or those forgettable girls from the Big Bang Theory, that we don’t know the name of. Aren’t they like… Becky and Berenice or something? We don’t know. We know there’s Penny (and not the Nichols kind). Anyways. Mia continued; “I-Listen. I know we’re getting nowhere, and things look bleak, but… Um. Well. We can do it. I think?”

“That didn’t help at all!!!” Trucy continued to sob.

“I know it didn’t, but this old codger just shot a metal arm out of his back!” Mia said, emphasizing each word with arm motions. “I wasn’t expecting my first trial back in the realm of the living to be this!! I mean, what the fuck. Like… First my boyfriend nearly dies, then I get killed, then I get channeled into the body of my sister, then an eight year old, and now I’m coming back to see some old balding creature pull these shenanigans? Sheesh! Do I ever pull a break?”

Just then, Edgeworth and Gumshoe busted into the room. “Bad news, Pal!!” Gumshoe screamed, the impact of his boots shaking the room with each step.

“Wh-What is it?!” Phoenix asked, tense as ever. “Oh, we can hear you by the way. No need to scream.”

“Buh-The buhh… Buh. St-sto… Buh-He… Uh… Shit, pal, this is b-bad!! And then he… Uh… Buh-buh!!! The video!! The v-video-”

“I’ll take it from here, Dick.” Edgeworth said, holding a hand towards Gumshoe’s face, whilst walking in front of him. “Listen… We were just chilling in the gallery, I was finishing my Bugles, and we saw that Evil Bailiff guy stealing the video tape!!”

“WHAAAAAAAT?!” the Defense and Trucy eek’d in questioning.

“I know, I know. It’s bad. Real bad. Kooky, even. But, don’t you fret… Me and Gumshoe here? We-Well… I have a plan. We’re going to go chase him! We saw him in the lobby, towards the prosecutor’s area. Luckily, I always have access to it! Because I’m the number one Prosecutor in this city. Maybe ever! Hah, wouldn’t that be great!” Edgeworth said, stroking his own ego.

“O-Uh… Okay?” Phoenix responded. “Y-You get to it, buddy.”

“Yes, yes. When I see that man… I’m going to bash his head straight down like a Bop-It.You just… Do what you’re famous for for like, fifteen minutes. Bluff. Bluff to your heart’s content!! You can do it, Wright!! I believe in you!” Edgeworth said, giving Phoenix a nice pat on the back. Then, as quickly as he came, he ran off into the distance of the court, Gumshoe lumbering behind.

“Well… Shit. There goes my plan.” Mia sighed, shaking her head. “Oh… I hope that little twink and his bear friend get it back soon. I guess we’ll do what he said and bluff for a while, huh?”

“We have no choice…” Phoenix responded.

“We have no choice…” Apollo responded.

“Yo’ have no choice, ‘cause I don’t wanna die!” Trucy said in a gangster fashion. Everyone could tell she was passionate. And to these words, it hit Phoenix. Gone were his former feelings of pain, sorrow, and fear. Soon, ignited a fire in his heart. A fire that brought back the same motivation he had in prior cases that were of importance. Farewell, My Turnabout. Bridge to the Turnabout. Even Turnabout Succession, where things of great importance happened. But this? This was beyond all that. This was Trucy. His daughter. And he wasn’t about to let her die.
“Yeah… Yeah. I don’t want you to die either, Trucy.” Phoenix said. “Nobody here does. And that… That’s all the motivation we need!! Fuck being all mopey! Fuck crying!! We got this!” Apollo made a vocalization in agreement.

“Yeah. Y’know what? Maybe this being my first trial back isn’t so bad after all.” Mia said, breaking a smile. “I mean… I’ve got you, Phoenix… And you, Red boy… And you guys did summon me here just for this. So maybe it was fate. I mean, I guess it was decided for me that I’d come back. None of you even let me know. Real cool, guys. Anyways. Let’s go bluff the fuck out of this four-eyed freak!”

“Yeah!! I… I’m gonna do my best!” Apollo said, jumping up and down, not having much to add to this motivational conversation. However, Trucy found it all the more encouraging. Just then, the bell of notifications rang from the courtroom, signaling for them to head back.

“Welp, that’s our cue. You gonna be okay, ‘Truce?” Phoenix asked. She nodded, tears in her eyes and a slight smile, with an “Unh!” sound to signify that she is saying yes, like in anime. Phoenix nodded back, and began to crutch-walk himself back through the doors. The other two followed behind.

March 31st, 12:51 P.M.
District Court
Courtroom No. 7

The gavel slammed down thrice more. “Court, once again, is now back in session… Again.” The Judge said. “No more recesses this time, for time is running short! I mean… Well, we do have many hours. But I would like to go home soon, my wife is baking a chicken parm, I’m hungry, and… I feel as if everyone here deserves to see a verdict, and soon. Not to say I’m rushing you! But… Please. Nobody wants cold chicken parm. But wait… Where is the prosecution?”

Just then, out of nowhere, from the ceiling, Winston, hanging onto one of the rafters with his metallic arm. “Here…!” He then dropped down into the gallery, arm facing outward. Everyone started to scream as he began to get near the benches, and ran from that area. He bounced off the bench, using the force of his arm, and did a cool flip down onto the area behind the counter. “Winston Payne is on the scene!” He yelled, pointing his cold metal finger at the other side of the gallery, while turned to this side, arms crossed, looking over at them. “And I’m ready to kil-I mean… Kill it at the prosecution!!” The Judge merely sighed.

“Yes, yes… I get it with the entrances… But you know, I would like to get home with my dinner!”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. We all have our hot plates we’d like to get to, but you know what else I’d like to get to? The truth! And the truth is, Trucy-not Truthy, is a guilty Guinivere!” Winston said, this time patting his head with the metal arm. “Ouchies! These fingers are spiky.”

“Um… Er. Mr. Payne. Are you sure that thing is safe?” The Judge asked.

“Yes! As safe as my mother’s cradling arms! Not that I know her…” Winston responded. “Instead of being cradled by her they just shoved me in one of those baby incubators. I was quite lonely, once.”

“Er… Yes, that’s very nice, Mr. Payne. Anyways…-”

“But yes!! I do say that this arm is merely for prosecuting! See, it helps me hold paper! And also looks cool and intimidates the defense! No weaponry here. Not like it’s strong enough to pierce through flesh, or even grab things that normally would not be able to pierce through flesh but manage to do so with its sheer multi-horsepower force! Nosir-ee Bob.” Winston said, proudly.

“Yes, yes. That’s VERY nice, and cool and all. Anyways…-

“AND…!” Payne said once more, being interrupted by the gavel.

“ENOUGH!!!” The Judge yelled. “Mr. Payne, will you shut the fuck up for five seconds!? Jesus Christ, this is why my chicken parm will be cold later! Anyways, is the defense ready!?”

“Y-Yes your Honor!” Phoenix coughed. “We’ve uh… Been standing here for a little while. We’re all ready.”

“Great, great. Anyways… Let’s pick up where we left off. Where did we leave off…Defense, can you give us a little recap? Catch us up to speed, why don’t you?” The Judge asked.

“Of course, your honor…” Phoenix began. “So, before recess, as we know, we’ve established that Payne is indeed the same person from the Les Auchis Terribles project. But while we do not have any way of linking him to the murders of the doctor as well as Spark Brushel, we did just receive testimony from Mr. Edgeworth regarding the journal that was burnt. We feel, just as you do, that this testimony is indeed trustworthy. I assume that the gallery here does as well?”

The gallery nodded in unison. “Yeah bro!! Like I said, I saw that book! It had my tooth marks in it!! Mine!!” Klavier yelled. “That shit’d be worth THOUSANDS on the market, bro!! Trust me, I’m worth a lot of money. Why’d you go and do that, old dude? Fuck…”

“Yeah, anyways.” Phoenix said. “So, Mr. Judge…” Phoenix said in a sassy manner. “Would you say that a motive has indeed been established?”

“Oh, yes I would indeed say that.” The Judge said. Winston, hearing this began to start tapping on the counter with his metal finger. It was making tiny holes in the smooth mahogany finish. When the Judge sees that, he’s going to be furious! Old men sure love their mahogany.

“Great, great. So now that that’s established, I think it’s fair to move onto other discussions.” Phoenix said.

“Like what?” Winston said, wiggling his eyebrows about, madly. Everyone found this unsettling and rather gross, especially the way it made his wrinkles move about.

“Like…” Phoenix began. “How suspicious it is that your adoptive father and brother just so happened to die in the last few days. And how they were both linked to this-”

“Oh objection!” Winston said, in a very annoyed manner. “You’re just trying to bluff your way to buy some time!” Phoenix was, in fact, trying to bluff. “We already said that those two have nothing to do with this! This is about Mike Meekins!”

“Well… Uh…” Phoenix began to smile in the way he does when he’s been caught bluffing.

“If you don’t have anything to say, why don’t we reach a verdict? Don’t you want your dinner?” Winston asked.

“Yes, that sounds agreeable! Mmm… Chicken parm…” The Judge said, slightly drooling in hunger and excitement for Mrs. Judge’s delicious and scrumptious chicken parmesan.

“Uh… Um… Uh, duh… Shit. Well… Why don’t we wait a minute?” Phoenix asked. “Just… Y’know. Want to do a little discussion. And I want to cover all ground. Like, for starters…” Phoenix turned to face Mia and Apollo. He was sweating buckets of sweat.

“Your Honor, I do think that this case isn’t ready to be finished yet. I believe it’s the Defense’s right to say everything that we need to say. After all, isn’t the most important thing here upholding the law?”

The Judge looked at Payne, who’s point was valid- The chicken parm was going to be delicious, and he did want it. Suddenly, a little devil version of the Judge appeared on his left shoulder, and a small angel appeared on his right one.

“Chicken Parm!!” The Devil Judge, holding his spiky gavel snickered evilly.

“But Ezekiel!!” The Angel Judge called out. “Isn’t the law the most important part of your career? Your life?!” The Judge stroked his chin.

“Hmm… This is a toughie!” he said.

“Chicken Parm…!” The devil beckoned.

“The Law! Justice!” The angel said back.

Chicken… Parm…!

“Goodness! Justice! Law!!”

“Alright, fine, fine!! I made up my mind!” The Judge said, waving his arms in such a manner that the angel and devil Judges turned to dust. “I choose… The Law! I choose honor! It is the most important meal-I mean thing of the day, after all! Defense, tell us what you must!” Winston waved his metal arm in the shape of a fist in the air.

“Why I oughta…!” Payne grumbled.

“Yes, gladly  Your Honor!” Phoenix said, holding up pieces of paper, hiding a big smirk on his face behind him. “To begin, let’s start at…”

MEANWHILE

March 31st, 12:53 P.M
District Court
Lobby

Edgeworth and Gumshoe dashed into the lobby, looking around back and forth for any sign of Evil (and mysterious) Bailiff. “Damn. Where is that Evil Bailiff?!” Edgeworth exclaimed in anger and frustration.

“I dunno pal!” Gumshoe bellowed. “But I’ll get ‘em!” he said, pulling out the revolver from the chase scene only a day prior.

“Jesus Christ, you don’t need to go that far!” Edgeworth said to the detective. “And why did you take it out of the glove compartment?! It’s supposed to stay in the Scarlet Alfa Romeo GTV, specifically for chase scenes! We took the Ruby-red Alfa Romeo GTV today, you fool! Make sure you put it back when we get home.” He scolded, arms crossed.

“Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth…” Gumshoe said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. “I was really excited, pal… I wanted to be Dick Gum-shoot again!” Edgeworth groaned at hearing this. However, deep down, he thought that ‘Detective Dick Gum-shoot’ was a clever and funny name, but in a time like this? There was no time for funny. Only business. Just then, from the shadows of the lobby, emerged Evil Bailiff, tip-toeing in a cartoon-like manner, each leg exaggeratedly extending outward, much further than necessary. In fact, so much so that he tripped.

“Sh-Shit!!” Evil Bailiff grunted, falling down, the videotape click-clacking across the cold tiles of the courthouse.

“I got it!!” Gumshoe yelled, lunging towards the tape, landing onto the very nice marble floors and sliding across it. But just as he was about to grab it, Evil Bailiff stuck out his leg and kicked it across the lobby. “Fuck, Pal!!” Gumshoe yelled. “I thought I had it!!” He had trouble getting up, due to his large size. Edgeworth quickly helped him up, but in that time, Evil Bailiff had already gotten up, grabbed the tape, and ran down the halls.

“Damn. He got away!” Edgeworth gritted his teeth. “Come on Gummy! Let’s go. We’ll surround him. I’ve been down this hallway many times, it’s the one with the good snack machines- The ones with the Bugles!! You take the left, I’ll take the right!” Gumshoe saluted him, and made a mad dash to the left. Edgeworth took to the right, running down the hall. There were some lawyers there, doing lawyer things, such as talking about cases, and betting on the races.

“Gee, Jimmy! I think Ol’ Scamper is gonna win this one today!!” One of the lawyers said.

“Nah, nah! It’s gonna be Lard Biscuit! She’s a runner, that one!” Jimmy said back. “I think I’m gonna win it b-WHOA!!”

Just then, Edgeworth barreled through and pushed the two aside, causing them to fall on their tushies. “Sorry, sorry!! Go back to your business, lads!!” Edgeworth said, continuing down the hall. The two lawyers- Jimmy, and the other guy were very confused. Edgeworth turned the corner, seeing Evil Bailiff. “Gotcha!!” he yelled, barreling towards him. Gumshoe, on the other side did the same. However, Evil Bailiff managed to make his way into an entrance to a new hallway in the middle of this one, one Edgeworth promptly forgot about. However, Edgeworth and Gumshoe were going too fast and crashed into one another.

“YEEEEOOOWCH, PAL!!” Gumshoe yelled, even though it wasn’t much of an impact at all. Edgeworth was sent flying back somewhat from Gumshoe’s big ol’ stomach. He landed on the floor, and jumped back up.

“Blast!! I forgot about the hallway over here! The hallway of doors!” He looked Gumshoe dead in the eye, and said; “This one’s going to be tricky, Dicky. But we can do it! Stay vigilant!” Gumshoe was made further vigilant by these words.

“You got it, Pal!! Let’s go!” he yelled, as the two, side-by-side, dashed into the hallway full of doors. There were six doors, in fact- Three on each side. Just then, Evil Bailiff emerged from one of them, pulling his eyelid down, sticking his tongue out.

“Bllleeeeeeehhhh!!! Catch me if you can! Heh heh.” he chuckled, darkly.

“That motherfucker!!” Edgeworth swore. “I don’t usually use that word, but this man is one! And it’s ticking me off. Gummy! Play the one song. You know the one.”

“Which one?” he asked, frantically.

“You know the one!! The song that always plays in those… Door-chase-sequences from that one Dooby Scoo show!!” Edgeworth said. “It’s very important you play this!!”

“Ohhhh! The Benny Hill theme! You got it, boss!” Gumshoe laughed, whipping out his Samsung Galaxy J3, and going onto Youtube. It was taking a while to load. “Uhhh… Damn. This 4G isn’t working too good, pal. Oh…? Oh!!! Oh wait, there we go. It’s working now.” The song, indeed, began to play.

“Good! Now we can finally do a proper chase sequence! Let’s go!! Evil Bailiff… We’re coming for you!” Edgeworth announced.

As the music started, Edgeworth and Gumshoe sprinted through different doors. Through the duration of the two minute song, Edgeworth, Gumshoe, and Evil Bailiff ran through the various doors in the hallway. Somehow all the doors were connected to each other and the main hallway. At one point, they all stepped out of different doors at the same time. For a few seconds they all stared blankly at each other, and then promptly went back into the doors from which they came.

“Blast!! This is getting nowhere!!” Edgeworth yelled from one of the small meeting rooms he was in. He then ran back out into the hallway, and noticed Gumshoe waving at him to go into the room he was in. Edgeworth dashed into there.

“What is it, Gummy!?” Edgeworth asked, beads of sweat rolling down his face, his hair, and other parts of his body. He looked around the room full of bookshelves, but to no avail. “...What? It’s just a seemingly ordinary office room.” Gumshoe slowly turned his head back, looking into the room, and suddenly, an expression of shock showed on his face, his hair, and even his jacket.

“Wh-wh-wh-what!?” Gumshoe yelled. “He-he was just there!! I saw him, Pal!!!”

“Hmm… Strange indeed…” Edgeworth tapped his finger on his one crossed arm. “I trust you, but… How did he get out of here? There’s no windows…”

“I don’t know!!” Gumshoe said, looking around.

“Hmm… No…” Edgeworth thought for a hard minute. “It… It cannot be. Was what Ms. Skye said… Could that be possible in real life? In this courthouse, no less?” he said, looking around at the shelves for anything even remotely suspicious. There was, indeed, one thing: an interesting looking manga on the shelf. “What the… What the fuck is Keijo?” Edgeworth asked. “And why is it in this court?” He walked up to it, and looked at the cover. There was an anime girl, most likely a high schooler, with her ass straight out in the focus of the frame. “Eeuuughh…” Edgeworth groaned, throwing it behind him. Suddenly, to his surprise, there was a secret button in the shelf!

“Oh, shit. That’s a button. It’s red. I’ve gotta press it, Pal.” Gumshoe said, allured by the beautiful, red, candy-like button. Whenever he saw one, he had to press it, no matter the cost. This was actually a very concerning mental condition that he suffered from, but Gumshoe, until recently, could not afford to see a psychiatrist. So he just chose to ignore it.

“I keep telling you, Gummy! Go get that checked out! Your attraction to red buttons is highly concerning to me, and your health. We don’t know what that button c-”

Gumshoe pressed the button. “Boop! Hahaha! I love when it does that!” he laughed, very entertained by the press of the button. It buzzed, and suddenly, the shelf began to rumble, shifting itself to the left, unveiling a secret door to a secret passage. It looked pretty dingy and dusty, but using the process of elimination, it was the only place Evil Bailiff could have gone through.

“See!? Pressing buttons is good!! It worked fine, Mr. Edgeworth!” Gumshoe laughed.

“I… I can’t believe this. You know what else I can’t believe? How we missed him doing that. I mean… Shit. That was loud! How did you not notice, Dick?”

“Probably ‘cause I’ve got earplugs in, Pal!!” Gumshoe yelled, turning his head to the side to show Edgeworth his ears. It all made sense why he had been yelling so much this entire time.

“Wh-why?!” Edgeworth asked, arms out in disbelief.

“Well… Don’t wanna hurt my ears if I hafta shoot this thing! Haha!!” Gumshoe laughed so loudly that it shook the bookshelves.

“Well… Uh… Fuck it, let’s keep moving. And take those plugs out of your ears!!” Edgeworth said, entering the secret hallway.

The secret hallway was a rather interesting one indeed. It looked just as if it were a catacomb from medieval times. Bricks lain about, creavases in the wall, alcoves, and torches, that were inexplicably lit. “Hmm… Must have a gas line keeping those lit, or something. They really went all out with the decor, huh…” Edgeworth said, suddenly stepping on something that cracked. “What the-?!” He looked down, and there was a real human skeleton (In fragments of course), the skull he just stepped on now in pieces. “I… Oopsie… Don’t know why that’s there, but okay.”

“No time for lookin’ at bones, Mr. Edgeworth! We gotta move!” Gumshoe said, seemingly unfazed by the real, actual, 100% legitimate human skeleton beneath them.

“Yes, yes… It does make me wonder what secrets this court holds, but… We carry on!” Edgeworth announced, marching down the stairs.

The catacomb continued like this for a while. There was even a bat in there! Maybe even two, but you don’t want to know about that. Nonetheless, they made their way to the bottom of the stairs. There was naught but some torches, and a strange looking metal plate blocking the brick-built doorway. Gumshoe rammed his massive shoulders into it. “UUUGGGHHH!!! No dice, pal…” He grunted. Edgeworth had no clue why Gumshoe’s first instinct was to ram himself into it.

“Um… Well, there is a very obvious protruding brick there. And read that note above it!” Edgeworth pointed. The note read: “PUSH THIS BRICK TO GET TO THE 1F HALLWAY. I GOT STUCK IN HERE ONCE. IT TOOK ME HOURS, SCARY! SO PUSH IT IF YOU ARE STUCK. -Judge.

“Do ya think we should push it?” Gumshoe asked. Edgeworth nodded at his friend. “B-but… It’s not red! Or button-like! It’s kinda scary looking. Oh, geez, Pal...Whatever will I d-”

“Just push the goddamn brick, Dick!!” Edgeworth scolded.

“Fine…” Gumshoe said, very sad that the brick was not either red-colored, or button-shaped. Or both. He pushed it in, and suddenly, the metal plate moved to the side. It was in fact, a vending machine, the two came to notice as they walked out into the familiar hallway. The first floor hallway, where nearby, not one hour ago, Gaspen Payne had lost his life in a tragic (yet very hilarious) manner. Edgeworth walked out and looked around.

“Hmmm… Now where would a little rat like him hide?” he continued to look around and then he thought of something: “The bathroom!”

“Don’t worry Pal! I’ll scout it out! You just wait here and keep watch!” Gumshoe announced, making his way into the nearest men’s bathroom.

“Don’t be too hasty, Dick…” Edgeworth said with a tinge of concern.

As he barged through the door, Gumshoe held out his trusty Gun-shoe (Even though it’s Edgeworth’s) and screamed; “Hands up, fucker!” as he noticed a stall with shoes sitting plain on the floor. He kicked the stall open so hard that the door flew off. In there, was none other than… Larry Butz?!

“Zoinks!” Larry yipped, while taking a massive, huge, incredible shit.

“Oh… uh… Sorry, Pal,” Gumshoe said as a large sheen of blush spread across his face. He shamefully picked up the stall door and tried to put it back on its hinges, but to no avail. Larry was too in shock to say anything of this. After a while, Gumshoe gave up and just sort of leaned it onto the door frame as best he could. Edgeworth just sighed, walking into the bathroom, beginning to peer at the other stalls.

“Oh, Gummy… I told you not to be so hasty… I love you, but sometimes... “ he sighed, continuing to look around. He saw another pair of shoes underneath the very last stall in the bathroom, and motioned for Gumshoe to do the same thing he did to Larry’s door.

“B-but, won’t that cause property damage?” Gumshoe asked.

“You already did it once! What’s the issue now?! And besides… I’m rich. Who gives a shit what we do, I can just buy our way out of anything! Hahaha…” Edgeworth laughed. Gumshoe thought Miles was very smart, and promptly kicked the door down, pointing the gun into the stall. There they saw Evil Bailiff standing on top of the toilet, struggling to unscrew the vent on the ceiling to make his way in there. He noticed, and blinked three times in silence at them. (Though the blinks made a very distinct bwoink-bwoink-bwoink sound.”

“That guy has loud eyelids!” Gumshoe exclaimed to nobody in particular.

“I… Uh… Shit! Gotta skedoodle!” Evil Bailiff yelled, getting down onto the floor in one swift motion, sliding between Gumshoe’s very spread-apart legs (he had a weird stance, likely to intimidate, but it didn’t work very well). Evil Bailiff made his way out the door into the main hall of the court.

“Chase that man!!” Edgeworth yelled, as Larry walked out of the stall, finally done taking his shit.

“H-huh? You say something, Edgey?” Larry asked.

“Ugh… Not you! You know what? No. Yes you. Help us! Chase that Evil Bailiff who’s getting away!”

“O-Okay!!” Larry agreed, instantly having no qualms to this. He ran as fast as he could, with Edgeworth and Gumshoe doing the same. As they dashed out into the lobby, going into the hallway on the other side. Evil Bailiff looked behind him to see the three men running towards him, and did a little butt-spank taunt.

“Catch me if you can, Gingerbread Man!!” he yelled.

“Catch him!!” Edgeworth yelled, once again, running towards him. Evil Bailiff took off.

“You’re not gonna get away, Pal!!” Gumshoe announced, also running towards the Bailiff.

“I’m here too!!” Larry yelled, also running.

“Heh heh heh heh!! Fools, you’ll never catch m-GRRRK!” Just then, in the middle of his sentence, Evil Bailiff had managed to step on the rake-side of a rake. It swiftly swung into the air, smacking him smack-dab in the middle of the head, causing him to fall over and get knocked out instantly.

“O... Okay.” Edgeworth huffed, out of breath from all the running.

“That was easy!” Larry said, hands on his hips, proud of himself, not knowing the hardships prior.

“Oh, you don’t even know…” Miles sighed. “Gumshoe! Rope!! You know what to do.” Gumshoe nodded, and pulled the emergency rope he always carried in his large jacket and promptly tied up Evil Bailiff. He took quite a bit though, a good five minutes to get him tied (Gumshoe was never good with knots.) By this time, Evil Bailiff had come to once again.

“Hhhuhh… Where am I?” he looked down, and blinked a few times, noticing the rope. “...Shit.”

“Well! We got him!” Gumshoe announced. “Time to see who you really are!” he said, promptly pulling off his hat, expecting it to be an established character from the Ace Attorney franchise. It was…

“Who’s this guy?” Gumshoe asked, somewhat disappointedly.

“I… Uh. Have no idea who this man is supposed to be.” Edgeworth said, also slightly disappointed. Larry was there too, twiddling his thumbs.

“My name is Denny!! You assholes…” Denny (formerly known as Evil Bailiff) spat at them.

“Shut up!” Edgeworth said as he grabbed the gun that Gumshoe had been holding, using the back of it to smack Denny once more across the head, knocking him out. “Aaand… I’ll be taking this!” Edgeworth said, in a sing-song manner as he fished the videotape out of Evil Bailiff’s pocket.

“We did it, Pal!!” Gumshoe cheered, giving Miles a hug. Edgeworth smiled back.

“Yes! But don’t celebrate too soon. Remember, this is only one part of this puzzle. First, we must get it back to Wright. Speaking of, let’s do that… He can only bluff for so long…” He said getting up off his knees, pocketing the tape.

“Yeah, uh… But what about that guy?” Gumshoe asked, pointing at Denny.

“Eh, he’ll be fine. Leave him. I don’t think Wright’s daughter appreciated him breathing down her neck anyways…” Edgeworth muttered. “Let’s go!” he said, as him and Gumshoe (Oh yeah, and Larry too. We forgot. He didn’t contribute much, though) all walked back to Courtroom No. 7.

March 31st, 1:05 P.M.
District Court
Courtroom No. 7

“And that’s why…” Phoenix began. “That’s why Winston Payne’s left shoulder is slightly uneven. Which has everything to do with this murder!! I mean, only a stab like that, in the video which… We can’t show right now-”

“OBJECTION!” Winston half-heartedly objected. “I’m right-handed you dunce!”

“Okay, but how do we know that the video footage isn’t actually mirrored? Or whatever.” Phoenix said. Mia was rubbing her temples.

“Ugh…” she said. “I’m getting a migraine…”

“You’re telling me. When’s Mr. Edgeworth getting back?” Apollo pouted, sticking his lower lip out, like a puppy who was denied a treat due to shitting on the floor. As they say; bad dog.
“Well. You know what I think?” Phoenix pointed. “I think you stabbed the guy with your left hand to subvert expectations! Yeah. See, when you stab someone, you usually stab them with your dominant hand. And, uh…” Phoenix said, pulling out his phone googling hand statistics; “70 to 95% of the population is right-handed! And you claim you are as such? Then it’s obvious. YOU stabbed Mike Meekins with your left hand!”

“70 to 95% chance!” Apollo piped up. Mia thumped her head on the counter.

“That isn’t how statistics work…” Mia said, head firmly on the counter, her voice quivering as tears began welling up.

A shuffling from the audience up above was heard. Suddenly, and just then, at that exact moment, a man leapt down next to Mia. It was… Diego Armando!? He whispered to her; “The only time a lawyer can cry… Is when it’s all over, kitten.” Mia turned to him and glared.

“That doesn’t help right now!!” she said.

The Judge cleared his throat. “Um… Is anyone going to comment on Mr. Wright pulling out his phone? That is not allowed in court, Mr. Wright.”

“Haha… Sorry, your Honor.” Phoenix said with his head behind his head with a shy smile. And then, Apollo turned, forlornly to his failing boss, and sighed.

“Welp… Looks like we can’t #GirlBoss our way out of this one, Mr. Wright…” Apollo said, dejectedly. Phoenix joined Mia and placing his head on the counter. Apollo, feeling like he had to join his coworkers, did the same.

“Um… What the hell are you people doing?” Winston sneered, pointing his big metal claw at them. “Your Honor, this isn’t going anywhere… Clearly the Defense isn’t putting in any effort. I’d say you just let me win!” he said.

“Well… Yeah… Defense, what have you to say for yourselves?” The Judge asked. Mia shot back up, like a rocket going back into space. (But thankfully, not falling back down and killing thousands of innocent civilians).

“Well, you know what? You know fucking what?” Mia said, angrily.

“Whoa, whoa. Whoa…” The Judge said, shifting his eyes around.

“Language, Missy…!” Winston said. Mia gritted her teeth loudly at him calling her “Missy.”

“We WOULD be getting somewhere if that stupid Bailiff didn’t steal the video tape! Yeah, I said it. I don’t know why nobody’s mentioned it at this point. And you know what ELSE? I think Mr. Payne here put him up to it. Yeah, I said it. Winston gasped and put his two hands at his heart, while looking back and forth.


Little old meeeeee…?” he said in a questioning way, though you could hear an air of sarcasm in his voice.

“Yes, you! You two have been all buddy-buddy this whole time!” Mia said, frustratedly.

“And that makes you suspect we’re in cahoots how…?” Winston asked, beckoning.

“Well. I mean. We all saw it. You and him gave each other finger-guns right after you snatched that diary right from my hand…” Phoenix said. “He was clearly in on it, helping you with your little trick and all…”

“Well! Grk!!” Winston grunted. “I… I didn’t direct him to turn on the fire alarm! He did as he was told to! I mean, uh. Shit. He did as he was directed to by his courtly duties rulebook! That exists, right Your Honor?” The Honor pondered for a minute.

“Actually, yes, it does!” he said, in response. “But… It does seem rather suspicious that this Bailiff and yourself are so friendly with one another. And that this important video tape is conveniently missing. I mean… Mr. Wright, why did you not just tell us that it was missing? That could have saved us from a lot of your bluffing.”

“Uh… Um. Well… You told us there weren’t to be any more recesses. So actually, that’s on you, buddy.” Phoenix said, smiling. The Judge looked embarrassed.

“Oh. Well, I’m… Uh, I’m sorry, Mr. Wright.” he responded.

“Ah, no worries. We’re cool. Some of those bl-I mean… Questions were important, after all. We did deduce that Winston Payne is indeed right-handed AND as stated prior, has gallbladder issues. These are impertinent to the case.”

“You’re… You’re right, they are impertinent. I don’t see how they have anything to do with anything.” The Judge said in response. Phoenix smacked himself on the forehead, as he meant to say “Important.”

“We’re doomed!!” Apollo cried out.

“Well… See, those questions would have come up anyways! So while we wait for that tape to get back, it was worth getting them out of the way!” Phoenix said, trying to defend his stupid questions.

“So… You’re saying you were just biding for time?” Winston asked. “I mean, we all knew. But you’re admitting it! Wow. This trial really is stupid… I mean, come on! It’s like a pig on a hot day in a hot puddle of mud. Very ineffective as the mud should keep the pig cool! But no, just a hot mess. Seriously, you should have mentioned the fact the video was stolen by my friend! I didn’t put him up to it.”

“Then… Why didn’t you mention it?” Phoenix asked.

“URK! I didn’t know. That’s why.” Winston winced. “But again, why didn’t you mention it until now?!”

“We already established that!! Don’t you ever listen?!” Mia scolded. This actually hurt Winston’s feelings a bit. Why, of all people, Mia Fey has done the most mental damage to this man in recent years was beyond him. But first, his hair, and now his dignity? What could be next? His freedom?

“Um… Should I send out a team to go apprehend this Bailiff, then?” The Judge asked.

“Nah, we got someone on it.” Phoenix said.

“Well… Uh. I don’t know if that’s necessary. I mean, what would that video explain? We already watched it, right? What did it show? Nothing! Nada! Zilch! Zip! Zero! Rei! Null! Cero! Opposite of Bingo! And of course, Nil.” Winston began to sweat. Just then, the door swung open.

“Why so defensive, Prosecutor Payne?” It was… Miles Edgeworth?! (And Gumshoe) There he stood, in the great mahogany doors of the courtroom, holding out the tape valiantly. Gumshoe stood besides him, pistol now concealed. A great golden light shone from behind, illuminating Edgeworth and pal (and Larry, who just got there) in all their glory.

“You…!” Winston pointed, with the metal finger once again (Which seemed to, so far, be its only real function). “Of course you were the one to apprehend it! The great Miles Edgeworth!” He said, in a mocking tone.

“Yes. I am great, aren’t I? Thanks for admitting it.” Miles smiled proudly. “And, your Honor? I have the aforementioned tape. At least… I believe you mentioned at this point. Had to have been early on, right?”

“Two minutes ago. I mean, we sat here for quite a while and all forgot about it, discussing Mr. Payne’s weird shoulder and right-handedness. Ho ho, our mistake! At least, most of us…” He said, glaring at Winston.

“What? You too, Judgey-poo? Surely you don’t think I’m in some funny business, do you?”

“Actually… Mr. Edgeworth. Was it true that the bailiff supervising this courtroom was our culprit, the video thief?” Gumshoe nodded at a brisk, medium pace.

“He was, Pal! We got him all tied up, all in the lobby right there! Gave him a good old knock on the noggin and everything!”

“Well… I don’t know if I agree with your methods, but I am glad nonetheless. But that just raises my suspicion. Mr. Payne… Are you positive he wasn’t working for you, aiding you in dirty deeds? Possibly done dirt cheap?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say he was involved in any filthy acts, reasonable price notwithstanding, maybe he thought he would help out a bro. I don’t know. Old Denny is a little strange. We play Poker every Sunday, so maybe he thought he’d ‘help’ me.” Winston said, doing finger-quotes. “But of course, I’m innocent! Maybe he thinks I’m guilty, and thought ‘Ooooh! Look at me! I’m Denny! I’m a Bailiff and nobody likes me! My wife and kids left me! And now I’m struggling with a whip-it addiction! So I’m just going to help the totally-obvious-culprit, Winston Payne, right?’ WRONG!!!”

“Whoa… This is getting a little too personal, man…” Phoenix said. Winston slammed on the counter with his metal arm.

“Well you know what?! I think that’s exactly what happened! He thought he’d do me a solid, but he’s just a fool! Thinking I’m the culprit, committing a theft for my sake? Foolish! I’ll prosecute him myself!” Winston barked.

“What’s your point, Mr. Payne?” The Judge asked.

“Well, my point is, like I said. I didn’t know the video was stolen! I would never direct someone to do that. Because there’s no way that it has incriminating evidence against me or anything! Nuh-uh. Obviously, it was Trucy Wright who killed Mike Meekins.” As Payne was saying this, Edgeworth walked back to the old CRT and popped the tape back into the VHS player.

“Just get to the god damned tape already! I’m going back to the audience, and my Bugles. You’re welcome, everyone. And, oh, someone go arrest Evil Bailiff, whatever his name was for larceny. He’s all tied up.”

“Yes, yes. After the trial.” The Judge said, slamming his gavel down, as Edgeworth gave a thumbs-up to Wright and the gang. Gumshoe, him, and Larry shuffled their way back into the gallery.

“Oh yeah! I totally helped too guys! I helped catch the bad guy! Do I get a medal?!” Larry yelled, but everybody purposely ignored him. “Guys? Anyone? Come on, I want a cool medal...! Or a key to the city! I could open every door in the city!! Yeaaah…” Apollo also thought that the Key to the City could open every door, so he would be very happy if Larry did in fact obtain one.

“Well… Without further interruptions, I feel as if we should go over this tape. Finally.” The Judge announced. Everyone nodded in agreement. “I… Er, I apologize for my mistake of delaying this trial, and such. If I had known, I’d have kept the recess going until we got it! You could have all used the potty, gotten a snack, etcetera… Oh well.”

“Your Honor, I have a request.” Mia said.

“Yes?”

“Allow me to… Say, walk through this video. I want to go through every juicy little detail on this baby. Because I think we missed a few things on this baby.”

“You’re my juicy little detail baby… Shit! I mean my juicy little baby,” Diego said (loudly) under his breath. But everyone could hear him. Mia blushed, looking at him, noticing that he was halfway climbed up back into the gallery. He realized that climbing up wasn’t as easy as going down, so he went back down and took the stairs. Just as he did this, Edgeworth, Gumshoe, and Larry returned to their spots. But much to Edgeworth’s surprise, he realized that his Bugles were missing!! He glared at Klavier, Daryan, and Ema in the seats next to him. He knew, using his logic, that Ema couldn’t have been the culprit, as she loves both him and Snackoos too much to consume Bugles.

“Man, those were some killer Bugl-OOF!” Daryan said as Klavier elbowed him in the ribs.

“You…!” Edgeworth pointed at Daryan, who began to quiver in fear and shame. “Go buy me some Bugles. NOW!” Daryan scampered off, like a sad little puppy-shark. “G-got it, bro! Sorry!!” This would be out of character for good old Daryan normally, but Edgeworth had a wrath like no other. Anyways, back to the things that actually mattered.

Mia turned the video on. And with it, the eyeballs of all focused on the black and white film. The dreaded Blue Badger theme played. “Fucking… Ugh.” Mia grunted, walking up to the television and trying to click the volume down. However, it wouldn’t, and they were stuck with hearing that dreaded tune. “Buh… Why??” Mia sighed.

“State-wide regulations. My apologies, Ms. Fey.” The Judge said, not very happy that he had to hear it either.

“Anyways…” Mia said. The video played, and showed Mike Meekins and the man in the grey hoodie walking through the store. “That’s Mr. Magic’s Magical Magic Emporium, as we all know. During Mr. Magic’s lunch break. If we fast-forward to about a minute in, some boxes are obscuring the view to the storage room. And we know, from this footage, it shows Mike Meekins’ death. While the actual murder is, unfortunatley blocked from our view, there are a few things we can take into consideration, One, the mall has horrible security measures. And two, if we are to look closely at the one minute forty second mark, shadows can be seen of the two men engaged in a struggle - As their shadows move back and forth violently.”

“Annnnd~?” Snarked Payne, patting his head. “This proves what we already know, that Mike Meekins and the assailant were already there!”

“Mm-mm-mmmm!” Mia wagged her finger at him.

“What? Don’t give me that ‘Mm-mm-mmmm!’ malarkey.” Winston barked back.

“Once Mike Meekins is pinned beneath the assailant, we can see the shadow of the murderer’s arm move up and down, in the classic stabby fashion. What is truly interesting about this, though… Is the rapid pace that this person’s hand moves at. Much faster, I’d have to say… Then a normal person could. Perhaps… Something robotic could have done it?”

“OBJECTION!” Winston laughed. “Don’t you know the other protocol?”

“Other protocol?” Mia questioned.

“Yes, yes. The other protocol.” Winston responded.

“What is it?” Mia asked, slightly more annoyed.

“What is what?” Winston answered, questioning.

“The other protocol…” Mia said, crossing her arms.

“Other protocol?” Winston asked.

“Fucking… Yes! The one you just mentioned. You were just about to say what it was!!”

“Oh! That other protocol! I remember now. All videos done in this state are sped up by some amount! As much as 1.5 times the speed!” Winston announced.

“What?! When did they make that law!?” Mia griped, looking back at Phoenix, who shrugged in response.

“Oh! That law. That was around two years ago, I believe. Ho ho. Speeds up trials and all!” The Judge said.

“Yes… So you see, there’s no way the speed of the stabbing has anything to do with the murder. Because it’s just a normal, natural pace of stabbing that any old person would be capable of! So you see… Your point… Is moot.” Winston chuckled. Mia sighed heavily, walking back to the counter. Phoenix gave her a pat on the shoulder.

“No worries, Chief… We just need to take another route. Look at this from another angle. As they say, turning things upside down. An Ace Attorney classic!” Phoenix said. “Your Honor, I still feel like the stabbing itself is something that needs to be further discussed.”

“OBJECTION!” Winston objected, pointing.

“What is it, Mr. Payne? That was a fully legitimate argument after all. I do agree that we should be focusing on the video itself.” The Judge said.

“Well… I have a point I’d like to make. Trucy Wright. It is clearly seen that she comes into the storage room and pretends to act all scared! And like we stated before… There were only two people in Mr… Whatever the fuck it is the whole time! So it could only have been-”

“OBJECTION!” Phoenix yelled, pointing. “No, no no. First of all, how do we know that the murderer didn’t hide in the shadows while the police apprehended Trucy? I mean… Here’s something that I don’t think any of us have mentioned yet. Isn’t it a bit strange that the security footage for the murder, minutes after it happened showed Trucy entering the store, but not exiting it?”

“Your point?” Winston asked.

“That is a strange point, Mr. Wright!” Apollo belted loudly.

“No, no… He has a point.” Mia said, catching onto what he was saying. Picking up what he was putting down. Dare we say, smelling what he was stepping in.

“This implies that the culprit, if it were Trucy, would have had to sneak out of the store undetected only to act as an innocent bystander. How is this practical, Mr. Payne? Did she go through the vents? A secret exit we don’t know about?”

“Uh… Well. I don’t know, she’s a magician! Magicians can do really weird shit!” Winston barked.

“Yeah, but they can’t teleport, Mr. Payne. Though I wish they could…” Apollo said, slightly sad by this fact.

“And another thing… What about the hoodie? There wasn’t one found in or near the premises.” Phoenix said, putting two and two together. “She couldn’t have been in disguise either.”

“Well… Maybe she put one of you up to it! You hid, she acted all innocent!” Winston accused.

“We all have alibis for that day…” Phoenix said, the defense team giving him a ‘dude-ur-so-retarded’ look. Winston began to hunch over and sweat a bit.

“Well… None of that matters right now, does it?! You said you wanted to focus on the video!” he said, trying to deflect from this situation.

“Oh, yeah… Shit.” Phoenix said. He whispered to Mia; “I wish he let us buy a bit more time…”

“At least these weren’t bluffs… I think we’re onto something.”

“Yeah… I just need a minute-” Phoenix was soon interrupted.

“Ooh! Ooh! I’ve got an idea! I’ve got an idea!” Apollo jumped up and down, his one hand raised like a schoolboy who knew the answer to 2+2.

“Yes?” Mia asked, as Phoenix was busy concentrating.

“What if we talk about the stab wounds?!” Apollo said, eyes glittering. “Those were messed up, yo!”

“No, no… That’s not it.” Phoenix said, shaking his head, thinking as hard as he could.

“Well? An answer?” Winston beckoned.

“Yes… An answer. Do you have anything that could explain what you want to focus on?” The Judge asked. Alarm bells were going off into Phoenix’s head. He knew this was a clue to look at both the court record, and to think about the murder thus far.

“Okay… Let me think here.” Phoenix said, scrambling out some papers and such. Up in the gallery, Edgeworth and Gumshoe were making their little comments through and through.

“Heh! I taught him that one!” Miles giggled, proudly.

“Hah! You taught him to think, Pal! Now that… Is funny!” Gumshoe laughed.

“It’s not how the murder happened… No. We know he got stabbed by a wand. But… I know that wand, Trucy had the last model. There’s no way a wand with such a blunt tip could make those sharp holes in Mike Meekins’s neck. I figure, maybe like a bullet, if it went fast enough… Fast… What do we have here that can go fast. We know the want was the murder weapon as it had Meekins’s DNA on it. So… How did that thing pierce skin? How…?”

“The arm.” Apollo said, bluntly.

“Huh?” Phoenix asked, snapping out of his logical trance. He saw Apollo’s glittering eyes, like a deer in the headlights. But in a good way. Not in the bad dead deer way.

“The arm, Mr. Wright.”

“What are you talking ab-ohhhh…” Phoenix had a smirk like no other. “Your Honor… Do we have one of those forensic mannequins in here? I want to have a little… Demonstration.”

“Oh! Yes, we do, actually! But… I just realized we haven’t got a bailiff to go fetch it for us… Someone’s going to have to go get it!” The Judge announced. Just then, Daryan walked into the courtroom, bag of Bugles in hand. “Oh, you there!” he said, pointing his gavel at Daryan.

“Huh?” Daryan asked in response.

“You’re the temporary new bailiff now! Go into that closet and fetch the mannequin, yes?” The Judge commanded.

“O-oh. Sure. You got it, I guess… Judge-bro.” Daryan said, throwing the bag to Edgeworth, who caught it with his teeth, just to look cool.

“Hey, he stole my trick!” Klavier whined. As this happened, Daryan obtained the mannequin and set it onto the center of the floor.

“Whoa!! He’s made of rubbuh!!” Ema yelled. Nobody seemed to get that joke. “What… Anyone? One Piece? 4Kids? Y’know… How did that happen, yo-ho-ho he took a bite of Gum-Gum? Just me… Alright…” She sighed.

“Perfect.” Phoenix said. “Now… We just need a wand. Trucy, do you have a wand on you?” Phoenix asked this, though he already knew the answer. Trucy smiled brightly, and nodded. “Good… Well, I’m going to need her to demonstrate something. Can we uncuff her for a minute?” Phoenix asked the Judge, who stroked his mighty beard.

“I’ll allow it. But… We need the keys that that old Bailiff had!” the Judge announced. Edgeworth pulled the ring with the single key on it, swinging it around.

“Aren’t you glad you have me to help?” Edgeworth asked. “I confiscated these from him after we apprehended him. He couldn’t be trusted. Here, Mr. Wright, catch!” He swung the key at Phoenix, who tried catching it with his teeth to also look cool, but it just missed him by an inch, bounced off his cheek and fell to the floor. Phoenix bent over and picked it up, a little embarrassed, walked up to Trucy, and unlocked her cuffs.

“Don’t worry, Trucy… Soon you’ll be free. But first, ready your wand.” Phoenix told her. Trucy pulled out her wand from her magic panties, which she always carries on her. “Okay, so. Trucy.”

“Yes, daddy?” She asked.

“Can you do us all, this court a favor? Can you stab that mannequin in the throat as hard as you possibly can?”

“U-uh… Okay.” she said, unsure of where this was leading to.

“What is the point of this?” Winston snarled.

“Yes, what is the point of this?” The Judge asked.

“Oh, you’ll see.” Phoenix chuckled.

Just then, Trucy made her way up to the mannequin, lying cold on the floor. She held the wand in her hand, reeled back, and with all her might, lunged the wand at the poor gel man’s throat However, despite her putting every ounce of strength into it, it all but bounced against his rubbery skin, the wand flying back, falling onto the floor, click-clacking away. Winston’s face turned pale, as Phoenix looked him dead in the glasses.

“Your Honor… I believe that this proves Trucy is in fact, unable to stab anyone’s throat with her level of strength and with that wand. It’s impossible, I’d reckon. Try all you’d like. Make her keep trying, and you’ll achieve the same result. And 26 and a half times over? No way.” Phoenix said.

“What… What are you insinuating, Mr. Wright? I do agree that it seems as if Trucy is far too weak to-”

“OBJECTION!!” Winston yelled, getting more and more agitated with each breath, digging the cold metal nails into the desk so hard that precious pieces of mahogany were chipping off of the fine, glossy varnish. “This is unfounded and baseless! Demonstrating on a mannequin… Malarkey! Even I, the great Winston Payne couldn’t stab through that, with real arms or otherwise!”

“Oh, would you like to try then?” Mia wiggled her eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, tough guy!” Apollo taunted, putting up his dukes.

“GRK!! I didn’t… I didn’t think… I was just saying, hypothetically!” Winston began to sweat. Phoenix became very stern and turned to the Judge.

“Your Honor, that was actually what I was going to ask next… Will you allow Mr. Payne here to demonstrate his stabbing abilities with that very wand?”

“Wh-what?! Why do you want me to?! Are you saying I did it!?” Winston asked.

“I certainly have a hunch.” Phoenix smiled. “Besides… I don’t think any ordinary human could stab a neck with a blunt wand like that. It has to be something incredibly strong and fast… Like your metal arm, which has already shown considerable strength, seeing as you were dangling from the rafters a few minutes ago.”

“Ugggh… Urgh!!” Winston grunted.

“Mr. Payne… If you weren’t guilty, then you wouldn’t object to doing this.” Mia said, sternly.

“Yes, I agree. Mr. Payne… If you would. Please do stab that mannequin at the fullest possible strength of your little weird accessory. If you do any less, intentionally, then I will hold you in contempt of court and have your prosecutorial rights revoked. We demand the truth!” The Judge demanded, with a mighty swing of his gavel.

“Backed yourself into a corner now, huh, Mr. Payne?” Mia smiled, arms crossed.
“Come on now. Let’s see it.” Phoenix beckoned.

“Yeah! Let’s see some bloodshed! Hypothetically!” Apollo said, pumping his fists.

Winston, trembling at the fact that he’s crossed the point of no return, meekly walked around the desk and picked the wand up. Shakily, he handed it to his metal arm and began to breathe erratically. Everyone knew he was hiding something. Everyone knew he knew something that they didn’t. Winston walked up to the mannequin, and opened a small panel near the wrist of his arm. “M-maximum overdrive…” Winston stuttered. Suddenly, the arm began to whir, steam spewing out of it. It readied the wand, holding it back. “This… This better not work… Mannequin, don’t be too weak!!” he gritted his teeth, as the Metal Arm swung down and violently pierced the neck of the mannequin. After the first, it went at a furious pace, stabbing even more holes into the neck. As this happened, Winston knew what he had gotten himself into. The gallery, who weren’t part of the main cast of characters gasped, and began mumbling at a frightening speed. The Judge slammed his gavel down.

“Order! Order!! This… This certainly does raise some questions. Mr. Payne, as of now… You’ve demonstrated that you have the capability to effortlessly stab someone with a mere wand, using that machine of yours. This… I’m sorry to say, but it makes you the prime suspect.” The Judge told him, sternly.

“And with that… I think I rest my case, Your Honor.” Phoenix said, smirking, hands on hips.

“YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!” Daryan yelled, back in the audience. “Klav, you know what to do! Ema, you too!” He yelled, as him and Klavier ripped off their shirts. On their bare chests, in body paint, Daryan had “WR” on his chest, Klavier had “IG”. But Ema, still sitting, feeling embarrassed by mere association to these fools, swinging around their shirts like madmen, was supposed to have “HT” on each of her breasts, but she didn’t ever intend on giving those two the satisfaction. Klavier looked very disappointed.

“Come on… Now it just says ‘WRIG’...” Klavier said.

“Yeah, I wanted to see some t-I mean… Letters!” Daryan pouted.

“Ugh… Yare yare…” Ema said, covering her face from the other eyes of the gallery.

At this point, Winston just began to laugh. “Prime suspect? PRIME SUSPECT?! Oh, that is rich indeed! All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel! And that’s exactly what’s happening now! Of course I’d be able to stab that mannequin! Of course I would! I have Metal Gear PAYNE! That’s a loaded accusation that you know you could use to get your daughter out of the slammer! I think it’s unfair and baloney! There are other machines that are as strong as this! So why, all of a sudden are you all ganging up on me?!”

Apollo pondered for a second, and pointed at him. “Are there really that many machines that can grip a wand, like your metal hand? And… Honestly, if there was something else that did it, it’d be pretty big, and thus, seen in the store as evidence!”

“Uh, uh… Um… Er… Oog..!” Winston grunted. His legs began to tremble. “This… This is bullshit! Horse-hockey! Hock-jockey, even!”

“I don’t know… My bracelet is going off real hard again…” Apollo said.

“Oh enough with that! I’m sick of that thing!” Winston griped. “You badgered my poor poor brother all day! Now he’s dead! Because of you!”

“No, no he’s not.” Mia said. “He… Accidentally poisoned himself to death.”

“Oh right! That…” The Judge said. “I forgot about that awfully suspicious poisoned lifesaver. But, it’s not relevant to this case, I’ll ask about it later…”

“Will you stop interrupting?!” Winston barked, getting more and more frustrated. “Again, I must ask! Why is everyone constantly piling on me?! Why?! I must know, because I think it’s unfair and unjust and uncool and uncouth and unruly!”

“Because… You want to know why?” Phoenix asked.

“Hmm!? Why then?! Indulge me!!” Winston said beginning to tense up even more.

“I would love to know myself! You’re not looking too hot in this situation, Mr. Payne. In fact… If the defense gives good enough justification, I see no reason that Trucy Wright should be considered guilty in this case. So, Mr. Wright. Continue.”

“Bullshi-” Winston barked, only to be interrupted by the gavel and a mighty glare from the Judge.

“AHEM. Continue.” The Judge announced once more.

“This murder is a simple one. Mike Meekins, the deceased, is led to Mr. Magic’s Magical Magic Emporium, and then, led to his untimely demise. Now, in a murder… There’s two things that are important, especially if it was premeditated. The first being the method. We’ve established that Trucy can’t stab one’s throat with a wand, and yet Mr. Payne can. Now, for motive. We’ve had evidence, albeit anecdotal be presented by Mr. Edgeworth that shows, yes, indeed, Mr. Payne’s hatred towards Mike Meekins does exist. And how in the past, he has sworn vengeance on those who have wronged him, even in the slightest of ways. Of course, being kicked in the balls by Mike Meekins, a poor man who probably had Tourette’s or something like that. Someone easy to shock. We’ve all interacted with him, we know how he reacts to things.”

“What are you saying?!” Winston slammed his metal arm onto the counter, chips falling out even more, and his already disgusting, sweat-covered hair becoming even more undone and unruly.

“What I’m saying… Who’s the only one in this immediate area who could have stabbed him? Mr. Winston Payne. And who’s the only one in this immediate area who would have a reason to stab him? Mr. Winston Payne. So, the only conclusion that can possibly be made… Is that you, Mr. Payne… You are the one who murdered Mike Meekins!” Phoenix announced. Winston began to tremble.

“Confess to your crimes, Mr. Payne!” Mia added.

“You’re done! By Gooby, by Robocop, you’re done!” Apollo yelled. The three of the attorneys reeled back their hands and pointed at Winston in unison, and yelled:

The Defense rests its case!

The force of the points from the three attorneys created a shockwave so powerful, that it exceeded not only the sound barrier, but the light barrier as well, causing the molecules in the room to vibrate profusely, if only for an iota of a fraction of time. Every single hair that was still desperately clinging to Winston’s dome was ripped right out of his scalp, as well as the thick layer of dust that had collected over the years. “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Winston screamed as he flew back into the air, hitting the wall, causing him to go unconscious. As he slowly slid down and slumped to the floor like a floppy old man peen folding up, a large man-shaped crater in the fine wooden wall.

“Hmm! Looks like he’s out cold.” The Judge announced. “But… No matter, I think I’ve heard enough.” Trucy’s eyes shone brightly, with hope (and tears) filling her eyes with moisture. And hope. “Defense, you say you rest your case, yes?”

“Yes, Your Honor.” Phoenix said, as they all nodded.

“Very well. I think I’ve considered it enough, and I have to say, the evidence… It’s overwhelmingly in the Defense’s favor. Yes, yes. And with the reaction of the Prosecution, on top of all the… interesting events that have transpired involving him today, I feel as if that only helps your case. Yes… I’ve made my decision. This court finds the defendant, Trucy Wright…-”

“Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock, hickory dickory doo, the Payne is angry too!” Suddenly, without any warning, the metal arm emerged from the depths of the floor, and grabbed onto the counter, pulling Winston up. “Heh… Heh… Heh… Don’t think… Don’t think you’ve had the final say…” Payne began to start tapping on the desk, each tap more aggressive than the last. “Haha… Hahaha!! Hee hee hee!! Hoo hoo hoo!!! Ahaha!! AHAHAHA!!!” Winston cackled, beginning to pound the counter. “Killed Mike Meekins, you say?! You think I killed him!?”

“Yes.” Phoenix said.

“Yup…” Apollo said.

“Mhm.” Mia nodded.

“Even I do!” The Judge exclaimed.

“Yuh!” Trucy shouted, in the vocal inflection of a rapper who goes “yuh.”

“Indeed!” Edgeworth said, crossing his arms.

“Yup, Pal!” Gumshoe said, looking down at the poor pathetic man.

“You betcha!” Maya pointed.

“You betcha!” Pearl imitated.

“Hai~!” Ema squealed, hands together.

“Ja…” Klavier said, air-guitaring to himself.

“Ha…! Yup.” Diego snarked, taking a sip of coffee.

“I guess everyone else is doing it, so… Yeah, bro.” Daryan said, out of obligation.

“Even I think he’s guilty!” Larry smirked.

The rest of the crowd joined in a uniform nod and “Yes.” At this point, the whole courtroom was against Winston. They all knew he did it, and with each additional agreement from the court, he began to tremble more and more in rage.

“I… I…! I… Grrrr…. GRAAAAHHHH!!!” (If you could imagine it, these growls sounded like a car engine). “FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKK!!!” Winston screamed, attempting to tear his hair out, but alas, there was no hair to tear. He began to slam the counter with his normal hand, and metal arm. “I KILLED MIKE MEEKINS!!” he confessed with vigor. He continued, foam coming out of his mouth; “AND I KILLED THAT BASTARD SCIENTIST AND HIS MOTHERFUCKER SON! YES!! IT WAS ME, WINSTON PAYNE! I KILLED THEM ALL! YOU KNOW WHY??! YOU WANT TO FUCKING KNOW WHY?! DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHY?!” At this point, everyone knew why, and didn’t want him to say anything. And yet, he continued; “BECAUSE I’M THE BEST!! HOW DARE THAT MAN KICK ME IN THE BALLS?! HOW DARE THAT SCIENTIST BRING ME AND MY DUMB FUCK BROTHER INTO THIS WORLD?! HE DIED!! GOOD!! I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY HE DIED!! HE CAN EAT HIS MILK IN HELL!!! AND YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS ABOUT TO DIE?!” He clutched the desk with his metal arm, ripping it out of the floor and throwing it aside, pointing at Phoenix.

“Uuuuuhh…” Phoenix began to sweat, a little worried that Payne would actually attack him. And kill him! Right there.
“YYYYOOOUUUUUU!!!” Winston gargled with his reptilian throat, as he began to charge towards the Defense.

“O-Order!!” The Judge yelled, frantically slamming his gavel down, thinking that it would actually have the power to stop an insane man with an insatiable thirst for blood. (It didn’t).

As he continued to go towards the Defense, Winston continued to growl and gurgle and scream, foaming from his disgusting old mouth. However, Phoenix, Apollo, and Mia couldn’t make themselves move. They were paralyzed in fear. True fear, that their last image would be of that terrifying claw. The same fate as Mike Meekins. And nobody wants to share anything with Mike Meekins. “THIS IS IT! NOW YOU DIE!!!” Winston ran and jumped up into the air, the metal claw pointing at Phoenix dead on.

“Nick, NOO!!!” Maya yelled out, holding her hand towards him, as Pearl held onto Maya’s robe for protection.

“Wright!!” Edgeworth gasped, as Gumshoe held onto Edgeworth’s sleeve for protection.

“Daddy!! Watch out!!” Trucy screamed, tears flying from her eyes as she shook her head back and forth. As Winston grew ever closer, Phoenix had no choice but to cover his eyes and cower. Was this it? Was Winston going to overpower them all, even when they had won? Phoenix took what he thought was his last breath, gritted his teeth, until…

*Shiiiing!*

“Ha…! Not so fast, claw boy!” It was… Diego?! Phoenix opened his eyes and looked up. Somehow, the silver-haired Puerto Rican, donned in his classic green suit and tan vest appeared before the Defense, his cool katana in hand, clashing against Winston’s arm, being the only barrier between Phoenix and death’s embrace.

“Y-You!!” Winston screamed, as sparks began to fly from the friction of the colliding metallic weapons. Diego looked back at the three and smirked.

“Kept you waiting, huh…?” he said, as he pushed Winston back with enough force to send him flying onto the floor.

“O-order!! Order!!” The Judge yelled. “There are to be no weapons in my court!!” he protested, his gavel slamming down once more.

“Don’t you see what situation we’re in?!” Diego asked as Winston rolled around the floor grumbling and gargling. (He landed on the mannequin, and it hurt!)

“Y-yes, but…!” The Judge frantically looked around at the audience, who was also very frantic. “I… I…!”

“Listen, I’ll pay a fine or whatever! Put it on the Agency’s tab!” Diego yelled. The Judge began to sweat, his gavel shaking in the trembling of his hands. Winston got up, and made unintelligible noises as he charged back at Diego. Winston took a swing, but Diego, with his Kenbunshoku Haki, blocked him without fail. “Your Honor…! Permission to subdue?!” Diego yelled.

“I… I’ll allow it!! Just this once! Stop him and I’ll forget about all the courtroom violations happening here! I’ll even waive the fine!” The Judge slammed his gavel down. Diego smirked and nodded, then pointed his blade at Winston.

“Phew… That’s one less expense we’ve gotta pay!” Apollo cheered. Phoenix, still shaken by the fact that he nearly died at the hands of one of the most pathetic human beings he had ever met, hadn’t much to say about this all. Mia, however, was beaming with pride (and arousal) at how amazing her sexy Puerto Rican samurai-man boyfriend was.

“He’s… So dreamy…” Mia said, hand on her heart, blushing.

Winston gritted his teeth and finally got back up. “You can’t fool me so easily…! I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you all, and be on my merry way! You think you can stop me just because I admitted I killed them?! Hah! I would like to see you try!” Payne lunged one deathly metal claw at Diego, and yelled; “Fingāgan!!” to which Diego dodged to the left, and took a swing, bashing Winston at the back of the head with the blunt end of his sword. “OOF!” his head rattled around like a bobblehead, and he ran around in a circle. “You think you can stop me with mere concussive force?! Fool! I’m Winston Payne! I was genetically engineered to have a thick skull, impervious to trauma! Now… You die!” Winston reeled back and did a cartwheel with the power of his metal claw, attempting to kick at Diego, who once again, just smirked and dodged, weaving his way back effortlessly. As this was happening, the Judge whipped out his phone, and began to dial 9-1-1.

“Are you impressed yet?!” Winston beckoned, as he started to jab at Diego with more force, each time being blocked by his katana.

“Ha…! This is just your average Tuesday in Puerto Rico!” Diego snarked as he jumped back, did a flip, and began to charge at Winston. He jumped, swung the blade, and though Winston mostly dodged, he managed to graze his arm.

“Hah!! ‘Tis but a flesh wound!” Winston beckoned, clearly unable to feel pain by all the adrenaline rushing through his system.

“Ha…! It’ll be more than a flesh wound when I’m done with you!” Diego yelled as the two began to clash their weapons more and more, going so fast that they became just a blur.

“Ohohohoho~! Sugoi~!” Ema clapped, munching on Snackoos excitedly. This was very much similar to one of Ema’s favorite Japanese animated programs - Anime, if you will.

“Man, didn’t think we’d be in for a fight on top of a show!” Klavier cheered. He got out a permanent marker, writing “DIEGO” underneath the “IG” on his chest.

“YEAH!! LET’S SEE SOME BLOODSHED!!” Daryan gutturally cheered.

“Go Diego, Go!” Maya exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.

FUCK ‘EM UUUUUPPP!!!” Pearl screamed as deep and as loud as she possibly could, her vocal cords truly being pushed to their limits. The power of these cheers, and the power of friendship fueled Diego’s fiery resolve.

“Come on Mr. Hunk! Ice this fool, yo!” Trucy added.

“Yeah, Mr. Armando!!” Apollo cheered. “Get him just like Robocop would!”

As he heard this, Diego’s visor began to glow red, because it looked cool. He gave the crowd, specifically Apollo a thumbs up as he continued blocking Winston’s attacks with his blade. Suddenly, the two clashed so hard that they sent eachother sliding back on their feet, on the floor.

“This is getting nowhere! I have to pull out my finishing move!” Winston said to himself. He opened up the panel on his arm, dialed in a few buttons, and closed it. “It’s time for… MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!” Winston yelled, foaming once more at the mouth.

“Ha…! Let’s finish this, buddy boy!” Diego pointed his sword, beckoning Winston.

“Yes… Let’s finish this! You’ll die. You’ll die!! YOU’LL ALL DIE!! DIE! DIE!! DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Winston screamed as he charged up his power. Suddenly, it looked as if an engine in the back of Winston’s arm began to move. Flames emitted from it as he got closer and closer to dashing towards Diego. Diego took a deep breath, and with it, it seemed as if time itself slowed and his senses heightened, like that of a tiger, or some other beast of an animal.

“The fate of my friends… The fate of my company… The fate of my love… And the fate of my coffee… I won’t let you take any of it away from me. I won’t let you end everything after we worked so hard to get here! So… Come at me scrublord, I’m ripped!” Diego yelled, readying his blade. “This is it…! My ultimate technique!” He thought to himself.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Winston screamed as he ran up to Diego, who began to run towards Winston, yelling as well. For just a brief moment, the two clashed, and then passed one another.

Silence. Dead silence. For a moment, it seemed as if nothing happened between the two. “Hah…! Is that all you’ve got?!” Winston looked back, beckoning. Merely silent, Diego returned his blade back into its sheath.

“Gotcha.” Diego said, and as the hilt made its final clink…

“GAAAAH-!” Winston abruptly screamed as a large cut from his shoulder, diagonally down to his hip revealed itself, through the suit, blood bursting out from both it and his mouth. Winston’s eyes, if you could see them, turned completely white, and he collapsed onto his knees. “You… You’ll never… Guuuhhhh…” his voice slowly fading out as he fell to the floor, facefirst. Finally, he was subdued. The wicked man was defeated. Silence. Dead silence. Suddenly, the entire courtroom began to cheer.

“He did it!! He did it!!” Maya cheered.

“I can’t believe it, Pal!” Gumshoe bellowed.

“This is the trial of the century!!” Larry shouted. “I mean come on!! Two fights in one trial!? Damn! Epic.”

“WOOOOOOOOOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!” Daryan and Klavier cheered, spinning their shirts in circles above their heads. Ema, though embarrassed by the boys, let out a small smile.

“That’s my man!!” Mia ran up to Diego and gave him a big ol’ kiss, on the lips.

“Ha…! No biggie. Diego smiled, proud of his victory. He looked around at the court, pulled out his blade, and did the classic Fire Emblem pose, famous on such beloved characters as Lucina and Chrom. Everyone cheered. “Ha…! Learned that one from Smash!” Apollo also joined in the fun and gave Diego a big old hug.

“You’re so cool, Mr. Armando! Like… Awesome! So cool! Like Robocop and Gooby and JFK combined!” Diego didn’t understand any of this aside from Robocop, but he still appreciated it.

Phoenix, still slightly shaken by the events prior, let out a large sigh of relief. He was worried that he would shit his pants in court, of all places. But luckily, even if he did, his tight Champions would keep it in place. Maya noticed his tension and jumped down to the bench, beginning to give him a shoulder rub. “You okay, Nick?” She asked.

“Uhh… Y-yeah.”

Just then, the police, who the Judge called minutes ago, burst into the courtroom. “Where’s the perp!?” one of the cops yelled. Everyone pointed at Winston’s unconscious body, a slight pool of blood forming. The cops promptly rushed towards him, and asked; “Good god, is he dead?!”

“Ha…! Nah. I didn’t strike anything vital. Ol’ Judge gave me permission to subdue, and I did. You’re welcome!” Diego said to them.

“Yes, yes. Please, place this man under arrest for not only attacking the Defense, but also for the murder of Mike Meekins, Spark Brushel, and Dr. Gaylord “Snookums” Brushel, to which he admitted to. Take him away, boys!” The Judge slammed his gavel down, as the cops promptly tried to shackle Winston, but the metal arm kept getting in the way.

“Hold on!” Diego said, grabbing his sword and swiftly cutting the contraption clean off.

“Thanks, Mr. Sword guy!” the rookie cop said, as he cuffed Winston.

“Yes, thank you very much for your help, sir.” The old-timer cop told him, as he began to drag Winston away towards the doors.

“Oh! Officer!” Edgeworth piped up. “Do also arrest that man outside in the lobby, who is tied up. He is evil, and a thief.” Knowing how powerful Miles’s authority was, they asked no further questions, and merely gave a thumbs up as they left the courtroom, shutting the doors behind them. With Winston finally gone, the conclusion of the trial could finally ensue.

“Well... That certainly was a trial unlike any other.” The Judge began. “Although it has been a tumultuous and difficult, and possibly even… epic three days, I have finally arrived at my conclusion. My verdict. This court finds the defendant, Trucy Wright…”

NOT GUILTY.

The big white letters, bordered with black appeared in the sky. Seeing this, Gumshoe knew it was his cue, and he picked up the bucket full of confetti. “Make it rain!!” he shouted as he threw the confetti into the air. The whole courtroom began to cheer, as Maya gave Phoenix a big old hug. Everyone began to hug, in fact. Even people who didn’t know each other! Even Klavier and Ema! But as Ema realized what she was doing, she pushed Klavier away. Daryan held his arms out, made a little “hm?” and a smirk in a suggestive tone, and with that, the two bros shared a deep embrace. Daryan, though somewhat ashamed of himself, was getting a little turned on by his bro’s awesome rockin’ bod. His hug was so awesome, and that was all it took. Pearl and Larry and such also took part in the celebration, hopping up and down and all around.

“Well Gummy, we did it!” Edgeworth beamed, a big smile on his face. It was rare to see him in moments of pure happiness like this, but this time, he knew his work had paid off. “I think I’ll set up a reservation at Providence, the most expensive restaurant in LA for celebration!”

“Oh boy, Pal! I love that place! I can’t wait! But… What if it’s full!?” Gumshoe asked.

“Oh, don’t you worry. I’m powerful, my friend! I can get us a reservation literally anywhere! Not like they’ll ever say no to me!” Edgeworth laughed.

The cheering and jubilation continued for a minute, and Trucy, standing at the witness stand, began to truly smile for the first time in days. Apollo was jumping up and down, Mia was embracing her lover, and Maya giving ol’ Nick a pat on the back. Phoenix finally got to his senses, and ran up to Trucy, despite the excruciating pain he felt due to his Larry-induced foot injury. Trucy also ran towards Phoenix and jumped into his arms, the father and daughter sharing a tear-filled embrace.

“I’m… I’m so happy!” Trucy choked out.

“Hah. Did you ever doubt me, even for a second?” Phoenix smiled, even despite the foot hurt.

“Of course not! I… I love you!” Trucy buried her sobs of happiness into her father’s blue suit. Merely silent, Phoenix just continued holding her, savoring the moment, knowing that she was proven innocent. That finally, she was safe. As the celebrations calmed down, and as everyone regained their composure, the Judge finally cleared his throat.

“Well, not much left to do, huh. If you’ll excuse me, I have some urgent business to get done! Ho ho. Congratulations, Wright and co. I always believed in you! And thank god you got rid of those Paynes. I’ve been sick of them for years! A real Payne in the ass if you will! Ho ho. But anyways, like I said, urgent business that I must finish! That chicken parm won’t eat itself!” Everyone burst out laughing.

“Oh you!” They all said.

“Ho ho. And with that… Court is adjourned!”

Notes:

Not only does this mark the climax of The Payneful Turnabout, this also marks the First Anniversary of the publishing of this story, The Endless Turnabout! We totally planned for it to be published on this very special day, and did not at all forget to consider the date. Yes, totally planned because we are very smart.

Thank you to all of our loyal followers, those who gave kudos, and those who commented! We hope you keep following these adventures, because we've got more in store. Much, much more. Stay tuned, stay frosty, and stay sexy!