Chapter 1: Bitch Lasagna
Samus stepped out the mansion despite Master Hand forbidding everyone from leaving the premise. Well she WAS wearing her suit which is fully sealed and can survive the vacuum of space, so what can the virus do to her?
"Heh, take that Goddess," she said with a chuckle.
Earlier, Palutena was flexing about the fact she was a goddess and that gods never got sick unlike humans, so she can go outside whenever she wanted. Could they really not? Who knows, Palutena is a nutjob anyways. So the bounty huntress decided to step outside for a walk fully armed to prove Palutena wrong.
Unfortunately, her victory was short lived, because no one else was outside other than Samus. Makes sense, cause it was easy to get infected. And since the death toll is nearly a hundred thousand, why risk it?
Being the only one out didn't bother Samus because she was alone all her life (cough cough, RIDLEY). Then again, she has been enjoying other people's company. Lucina and Zelda for instance are good people to talk to. Calm, caring and very intelligent, they make good acquaintances. Pit as well. Sure, he may be naive and a little obnoxious, but he's fun to talk to. And to play Mario Kart with.
After strolling the streets of Florida for an hour or so, Samus decided to return to the mansion, only for her to be rushed by a wave of water. Taking a closer look, the main hall was being Hydro Pumped by Greninja, with Ike running after him.
Oh boy, what happened now?
Samus didn't have time to ask because Crazy Hand in a blue rubber glove appeared and Thanos-snapped the water away (yes, I actually referred to Thanos so kill me).
"grEnINjA, gO bAck tO yOUR RooM!" Crazy exclaimed in a distorted voice.
"Ninja!" the frog shot back before running out the hall while flipping off Crazy Hand.
"tHE sAme gOes tO yOu tWO!" the hand said, pointing to Ike and Samus.
Rolling her eyes, Samus walked back to her room, shoved her suit in the closet (not that kinda closet, she's straight okay?) and changed into her pajamas. Flopping back onto her bed, she pulled out her phone to see she had over a hundred notifications from Peach and Marth- Tik Tok, Instagram, Twitter, you name it. Why she even had them on social media, she wasn't sure. Samus was about to fall asleep when someone started knocking on her door. Groaning in frustration, she jumped up and answered it only to see a certain blue-haired mercenary holding a tray of lasagna (BITCH LASAGNA).
"I made pasta?" Ike said awkwardly with a small smile, though it came out like a question.
Samus was about to let him in, only to hold her hand out in a stop sign. The whole point of quarantine is to prevent getting others infected with the Coronavirus, so the best course of action is to stay inside, isolated from other. But that lasagna looks great...
"Did you wash your hands?" Samus asked, leaning against the doorframe.
"Five times, in the past half hour." Ike said with a smile.
Well, he WAS wearing gloves. And looked clean.
"Leave your shoes at the entrance." she said as she held the door for him. Ike nodded, kicked off his Adidas and walked in, placing the tray on the table.
"What was going on with you and Greninja?" Samus asked.
"He wanted to turn Smash Mansion into a pool AGAIN and I was trying to stop him." Ike explained.
Ah. That was something normal on a Tuesday morning. When will the frog give up his dream of water haven?
"So, what have you been up to?" he asked sitting down on the sofa, more than seven feet away from Samus.
"Asides from getting bombarded with dumb memes, nothing." she answered nonchalantly. "You?"
"Netflix. And learning to cook from online classes from Chef Kawaski." he said, mentioning to the pasta.
Silence. And then-
Samus blushed and looked down at her stomach in embarrassment. Ike chuckled and walked to the kitchen to grab plates and cutlery. "Riverdale?"
Samus picked up the remote and shook her head. "No bootleg Archie. How about Jojo?"
Ike returned with two plates of mouth-watering pasta. "Sounds good to me." he said, sitting ten feet away from her. You know, social distancing?
But before Samus could play the anime, someone started pounding on the door. Face palming, Samus got up again and opened the door to see Nintendo's mascot with a stupid grin on his face.
"I heard-a there was-a lasagna here?" Mario asked.
Samus slammed the door on his face and walked back to Ike. "Jojo can wait, time to make an anti-Mario sign. Because no Italian plumber touches my lasagna."
Chapter 2: Online Classes
Byleth tries to teach and online class and fails. Dark Pit is edgy as usual and Wario steals toilet paper.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Although he was usually cool as a cucumber, Byleth was pissed off. Because why wouldn't he be when he's trying to teach an online class that is full of madlads?
"Sylvian, quit your flirting! Hilda, stop trying to pressure your classmates into flirting for you! And Leonie no one likes you so just shut up!" Byleth snapped (clarification, I barely know anything about Three Houses, it's just that my friends on Discord hate Leonie so this is for them :p And I apologize for any OOCness. Actually, I don't, its a crackfic).
In an instant, everyone stopped talking. Byleth gasped and buried his hands in face.
"Sorry, it's just that quarantine, being a professor and Smash is stressing me out." he muttered as he looked up.
His students mumbled responses, a mix of apologies, questions about Byleth's life in Smash and Leonie checking if people really do hate her. Which they probably do. Fuck you, Leonie.
"Anyways, let's get back on topic. Who knows the answer to question ten?" Byleth asked out loud.
Ferdinand stood up and cleared his throat. "Of course, I Ferdinand von Aeiger knows the answer! I am magnificent! Allow me to answer the question like a true nobleman!" he boasted
As soon as he said that, everyone other than Byleth started yelling at him. Byleth stood up and picked up the airhorn Shulk had him hold on for him. Why? Who knows, that Homs kid is on something.
hONK! (Yes, this is how I'm gonna write all sound effects)
Once again, everyone shut up. Huh, that really was more effective than he thought. Maybe he should use the airhorn more often?
"Thank you Ferdinand. I understand you are quite intelligent, but perhaps you should give someone else a turn?" Byleth suggested as he sat down.
Well that's one way to cause a panic. Because everyone's eyes widened as soon as those words left Byleth's mouth and they started shouted random things out- in fact someone shouted something about the ice cream truck arriving, although Byleth couldn't tell who thanks to the chaos. Anyways, who would get ice cream from some sketchy truck when a fatal virus is going around?
Byleth facepalmed. Clearly, no asides Ferdinand bothered working on the assignment. Was there even any point trying to continue teaching this class? Well, at least it couldn't get any worse.
Or so he thought. Because the icing on the cake happened. TELL ME HOW YOU'RE SLEEPING EASY HOW YOU'RE ONLY THINKING OF YOURSELF SHOW ME HOW YOU JUSTIFY TELLING ALL YOUR LIES LIKE SECOND NATURE (this format is killing me curse you AO3 asdfghj-)
There was only one person in the entire mansion who would blast edgy trash in the middle of a lesson (Its not actually trash at all, I love Set It Off). Well, they probably didn't know about Byleth teaching class in the first place, but he was already frustrated so they were about to face his wrath. Byleth disconnected from the Google Meet - which his students were probably happy about - pulled a mask over his face, slapped some gloves on his hands and grabbed a bottle of Lysol before stepping out.
Byleth stormed towards his "victim's" door which had a piece of paper taped to it which read "Don't you dare kick my door down".
Needless to say, Byleth practically High Jumped Kicked the door down. Never piss off a teacher if you wanna see the next day, my children. Dark Pit jumped ten feet in the air as soon as Byleth did. "Dude, what the fuck?!" He exclaimed.
Byleth simply glared at him and walked in. "Explain," He boomed.
Dark Pit looked back at his door. "Are you like Pit or something? Because you clearly can't read." he said nonchalantly.
LISTEN, MARK MY WORDS, ONE DAY
YOU WILL PAY, YOU WILL-
Byleth yanked the speaker out of the outlet and yeeted it out the window (YEET).
"The Hell is wrong with you?!" Dark Pit yelled. "Lucina gave me that for my birthday!"
"I. don't. care. Listen edgelord, why would you blast your garbage when I'm trying to teach a bunch of sarcastic toddlers combat?" (Got inspiration from my Grade 9 English teacher :D) Byleth demanded
"Edgy? Now you're insulting me?" the dark angel shot back.
Byleth rolled his eyes. "You are edgy. Exhibit A: your taste in music. Exhibit B: your taste in fashion," he said, mentioning to the leather jacket and ripped jeans Dark Pit had on. "Exhibit C: your behavior. And Exhibit D, your room." he finished, pointing at the heavy metal posters, thick black curtains and black bed sheets. "I rest my case."
Dark Pit blushed and looked away. "Alright fine. But what gives you the right to burst into my room and damage my property?" he pressed.
"Oh, I don't know. What gives you the right to play music on max volume when I'm teaching an online class?" Byleth calmly shot back.
"You think I knew you were busy?! Anyways, why not wear some headphones if your so bothered?!"
"I don't have headphones! And even if I did, they still wouldn't block out the background sound."
"Okay, who cares about school in the first place?! The pandemic is a lot more important than that!"
"Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to be class right now-"
The two men stopped arguing to see Wario standing in the doorway with a wheelbarrow of toilet paper.
"Toilet paper! Get your toilet paper! Only for $39.99!" he exclaimed with a burp.
Byleth and Dark Pit were stunned. Was this guy seriously going around selling paper for forty bucks?
"Stop him!" A voice cried. Wario yelped and ran away with his wheel barrow. Stepping in the hall, the two saw Pit and Roy running after the fat Italian salesperson with a megaphone. The light angel and the prince stopped in front of the professor and dark angel to catch their breath.
"Hey babe, what happened?" Dark Pit asked Pit, kissing his cheek (I'M SHIPPING MY OTP IN THIS YOU CAN'T STOP ME-)
"Wario happened! He shoplifted those rolls!" Pit exclaimed.
"A-and if we don't stop him, he'll sell them for twenty times the price! People are dying and all he cares about is becoming rich!" Roy added.
Byleth and Dark Pit glanced at each other before nodding.
"Lead the way, we'll stop him together." Byleth declared.
So the four of them ran after Wario who was blasting the Coronavirus song -the Hatsune Miku one to be specific- ignoring Mario's cries of pain.
"Huh, those lasers are more effective than I thought," Samus muttered as she took a bite of her lasagna.
Took me forever to write this... And the song is Wolf In Sheep's Clothing by Set It Off. And the lyrics DIDN'T. COME. OUT. THE. WAY. I. WANTED.
Chapter 3: An Unhealthy Obbsession
Just gonna say, Yandere Simulator sucks ass. It's been like 7 years and Osana isn't even done. Plus, is it really necessary to make a ecchi mod of Hitman?
I've seen way to many Yandere Corrin fics, so I made one. Also, I actually saw some over priced hand sanitizer today.
My precious Exalt, you are too good for this world. Your blue hair and eyes remind me of the ocean. Your scent is of a spring morning. Your voice has the sound of a songbird. I watch almost every hour and now I have even more time to do so thanks to quarantine. I have memorized your schedule dawn to dusk. I have an entire album full of photos of your elegance. I also possess a shrine of your possessions. You don't mind my dear, do you? Oh, I want to lock you up in a bird cage so no one can put a finger on you. I want to exterminate every fiend who looks at you ugtydardebjdkgbwli-
What's with the random letters, you ask? Well, that was Corrin's reaction to someone knocking her door, slamming her head on the keyboard in surprise. Yes, it's 2020 so no one writes love letters by hand anymore. Corrin took a deep breath and saved her progress before hurrying to the door to reveal Red standing at the entrance.
"Can I help you? I'm in the middle of something. And seven feet please." Corrin said.
Red rose an eyebrow before stepping back and holding out a familiar notebook. "Is this yours? It has your name on it." he asked.
Corrin yelped and snatched the notebook from him. "H-how much did you read?!" she stuttered.
"No... why would I?" Red asked in confusion.
"No reason, thanks for returning this, bye!" Corrin exclaimed before slamming the door on his face.
"What the heck was that..." Red muttered as he left, since he's too innocent to say fuck or Hell.
Corrin flopped on her bed in relief. Good thing Red didn't read her journal containing her feelings for Lucina, as well as some of her murderous thoughts. If he did though, Corrin might have to "punish" him later on...
Shaking her head, the dragon princess shoved her journal in her desk drawer and went back to writing her stalkerish letter. When she was done, she turned into a dragon, flew out the window to Lucina's window and slipped the letter through it. She waited for the princess to arrive. Finally around lunch, Lucina walked into her room, shouting something about Wario offering her overpriced toilet paper, only to pause and notice the folded piece of paper near her window still. Corrin gasped and quickly flew out of view and took a peak to see Lucina reading the letter. When Lucina started her face was neutral, then she smiled, then she frowned and finally smiled again.
Did she think it was cute or was she freaked out? Corrin couldn't tell because of her facial expressions. Well, she smiled quite a bit. That was a good sign, right? Corrin kept watching Lucina, who was doing nothing other than texting. Unfortunately, Corrin couldn't read her texts from her window. Sighing, the Manakete returned to her room. Suddenly, she was hit by a thought.
"IS LUCINA EVEN LESBO?!" she cried out loud (Gay or European-).
But it was an important question. Was her beloved even gay? If she's straight, that would make this a thousand times harder. How do you force some to change their sexuality? Maybe some "bonding time" would help...
Corrin jumped up and opened the door only for her heart to skip a beat when she saw who was at the door.
Yep, it was the Princess of Edginess, Lucina Lowell. Shit, did she figure out Corrin wrote the letter?
"Have you seen Robin? We're going to get groceries for those who are to scared to step outside." Lucina asked.
At that moment, Corrin's heart cracked.
Why would Lucina go out with Robin instead of her?! They aren't together, are they?
Corrin pinched herself to prevent going all psycho and faked a smile. "Y-yeah. I saw him on the rooftop. Drinking tea or something." she answered.
Lucina nodded. "Thank you, Lady Corrin." she said as she left.
Corrin waved before grabbing Yato and heading down the hall. As much as she hated lying to her crush, she had to get her far away from Robin as possible who was probably in his room reading. Corrin kicked down the door, startling Robin and causing him to roll into his blanket, turning himself into a burrito blanket (I love burrito blankets).
"Corrin?! Why'd you do-"
Before he could finish his sentence, Corrin smacked the back of his head with a trophy. She dragged his body all the way to the basement. No one questioned it, because they probably thought Robin passed out drunk or something. When she finally got to the basement, she tied Robin's hands and feet together before splashing water on him.
"Blublublublblub- Corrin what the fuck?!" he exclaimed as he sputtered water only to gulp when he saw Corrin's murderous expression.
"Why is Lucina going out with you instead of me?" she asked calmly.
Robin shrugged. "Because I'm her best friend...?" he asked only to yelp when Corrin stabbed Yato a few centimeters away from him.
"Lucina's mine. NO. ONE. CAN. HAVE. HER." she gritted through her teeth (snap mode am I right?). "I should be her best friend... no her lover."
"Whoa whoa whoa, when did I say I liked Luci?"
"You're calling her "Luci" now?"
"I always did, what's your problem?"
"My problem? My problem?!" Corrin snapped. "It's that you like her and are going to confess to her soon! I just know it!"
"Someone plays too much Yandere Simulator..." Robin muttered under his breath.
"So since you're in the way, I must eliminate you. Well, time to die. Any last words?" Corrin hissed.
"Yeah... you do realize Luci is right behind you right?" He answered.
Corrin gasped and turned around to see Lucina with her arms crossed. "L-lucina! I-it's not what it looks like I-I swear!" Corrin stuttered.
Lucina rolled eyes. "Yeah, I totally didn't hear the entire conversation. You know, the one about you murdering Rob?" she said nonchalantly.
Corrin was at a loss for words. "How did you find me...?" she slowly asked.
Lucina shrugged. "He wasn't on the roof and Bowser was complaining about tripping over "drunk mage being dragged downstairs by dragon lady" or something." she explained air quoting the Koopa (Bowser best boy by the way. Actually no, Robin is).
"So if you heard the whole conversation, you heard the part about me liking you?" Corrin muttered in shame.
Lucina nodded. "I'm surprised you feel that way about me Corrin. I-"
"Hate me?" Corrin interrupted. "So you're going to break my heart and go out with him?!" she sobbed.
"What? No I was going to-"
Before Lucina could finish her sentence, Corrin pinned her to the wall with her swordpoint to the bluette's neck. "If I can't have you, then no one can. Guess that means I'll have to kill you both."
Lucina frowned. "I'm going to presume you wrote the letter. Well, typed. No one uses paper anymore." she half joked. "But before you kill us off, can you drop the flaming-chainsaw for a second? There's something I'd like to tell you first." Lucina asked (Get it, cause that's what Yato literally is).
Confused, Corrin threw Yato aside. What could she possibly have to say? "Okay, so now wha- mmf?!" This time, Lucina was the one to cut Corrin off. By pressing her lip's against Corrin's (aka a KISS you crackheads).
At that moment, Corrin started mentally freaking out. And fangirling. But what the Hell?! Did that mean she- nah, it was probably just to buy time. Well all the Manakete could do during the situation was kiss back. She mewled in reaction, causing herself to become even more flustered (a mewl is basically a tiny moan, like a whimper).
When Lucina finally pulled away, Corrin could barely find her words. Lucina chuckled and patted her head. "I like you too, Lady Corrin, but you didn't have to do all this." She said, mentioning to Robin.
"B-but you're straight!" Corrin stuttered.
"Bisexual. I like guys and girls."she corrected.
Oh. She didn't think about that. Never presume someone's sexuality, my dudes.
"Okay, now that you two confessed to each other, could you please untie me? There's something I have to clear up!" Robin called.
Corrin sighed and cut open the ropes. Robin jumped up and pointed accusingly to Corrin.
"First, never do that to me ever again. Second, how can I like Lucina if I'm gay?!" he demanded.
Robin shook his head. "Honestly, I thought you guys knew that this story is an excuse for the author's ships to come together," he muttered.
Lucina laughed. "Oh yeah, the author is a braindead fangirl with nothing better to do. ANYWAYS, you guys wanna burn every copy of Fortnite in the mansion? We can have a big indoor bonfire." Lucina suggested.
"Yes!" Corrin exclaimed happily, clinging onto Lucina's arm.
Lucina smiled and started to leave the basement only for-
Wario dashed downstairs with his wheelbarrow. "Hide me, they're coming- oh my fat ass!
Too late, Roy, Pit and Dark Pit tackled him, causing the wheelbarrow to crash into the wall. Byleth picked up the megaphone Pit dropped and pulled the trigger.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him." Byleth said with a smirk.
Chapter 4: The Cop, The Doctor And The Gay Crackheads
Bowser as a cop seemed like a good prompt. And I'm sure you noticed by now, but no one seems to understand the concept of social distancing. So I put both ideas in one chapter. Also, this is my longest chapter yet, so prepare yourselves.
The part with Ness was inspired by something that happened on our Discord server. A user was chewing on her mechanical pencil only for it to get stuck in her braces. It eventually came out when she scratched it, BUT she didn't learn her lesson, so you can guess what happened XD. But shout out to her.
"Can I hear the what happened one more time?" Bowser asked.
As a response, he got everyone talking over each other. And Pit eating Cheetos. And a murderous glare from Corrin. And Wario farting. Bowser facepalmed and groaned in frustration.
"How are we gonna solve this if no one shuts up?" he muttered.
"Not to-a worry. I have-a just the thing." Mario said (I like to think of Mario and Doctor Mario as the same person). He reached into his lab coat and pulled out a familiar object.
Everyone instantly stopped talking to see Mario with an air horn. Mario let out a sigh of satisfaction and put down the infamous horn down.
"Perfect-a! Take it-a away, Bowser." Mario said with a grin.
"Thank you, Mario. Now that that's settled, let's deal with this like civilized people." Bowser declared. "First, let's get any million dollar questions you little shits have over with. AND. RAISE. YOUR. HANDS."
In an instant, everyone’s hands were up. Bowser scanned the group for a moment before choosing a fighter. “Robin?”
“Why exactly are we here?” Robin asked.
“Because you-a dragged Wario to the police station accusing him-a of commiting a crime and-a they didn’t give a fuck. Specifically, Pit, Pittoo, Byleth and-a Roy did. So-a Bowser will-a help you guys instead.” Mario explained. “Next?”
Everyone rose their hands again. Bowser eeny-meenie-miny-moed the group before his finger finally landed on Dark Pit. “Pittoo?”
“First, that’s not my name. Second, why the Hell are we in glass boxes?” he asked, tapping the glass (CAUSE I’M TAP TAP TAPPING THE GLASS. I’M WAVING THROUGH A WINDOW~ Please tell me you guys get the reference).
Byleth, Corrin, Dark Pit, Lucina, Pit, Robin, Roy and Wario were each in glass cubes, isolated from each other.
“We prefer calling them cubicles. Also, none of you brats seem to understand the concept of social distancing, so in case any of you have the virus, the cubicles will prevent you from infecting each other.” Bowser answered. “Anyone else?”
This time, Mario was the one to pick the next person. “Hm... Wario?” Mario chose while fanning the “gas” Wario produced.
“Who made Bowser a cop?” Wario demanded, pointing to the Koopa’s police uniform.
“That’s pandemic officer. I volunteered to take up the job of making sure you retards would stay in your room.”
“Since half an hour ago. ANYWAYS, are you guys done?”
“No, I’ve got a something important to ask of you. Why is Mario rubbing his feet and shoulders?” Byleth asked with concern.
Mario laughed nervously. “Eh, no-a reason,” he muttered, recalling the lasers Samus triggered on him when he attempted to “borrow” her lasagna. “So, can we-a move onto the interrogation?” Mario suggested.
“Right after you tell me why my cubicle is not next to my dearest Lucina,” Corrin hissed.
Bowser rolled his eyes. “We’ve put you guys in alphabetical order. You can make out with your girlfriend after with figure things out.” he answered.
“But that’s unacceptable! I must be by my precious Lucina! Or else someone will get hurt...” Corrin growled.
Lucina muttered an apology to Bowser and Mario before turning to Corrin with a soft smile. “Don’t worry, babe. We can spend time together after they finish their business with us.” She said.
“Okay.” Corrin answered happily (that how you deal with a Yandere, my dudes).
Bowser took a deep breath and rubbed his hands together. “Okay, who wants to give their testimony first?” Bowser asked out loud.
“Me, me, me!” Roy exclaimed.
The Koopa cop sighed and shook his head. “Sure, why not. Tell us your side of the story, Roy.”
“Yes!” Roy exclaimed, jumping up in Mario’s classic pose. “Okay. So Pit and I were bored as Hell so we decided to go mess around in Walmart. We were trying on some of the sweet looking masks they had on display. I mean, they looked really cool! One was covered with flaming skulls, another had mermaid sequins, and there was-“
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold-a the phone!” Mario interrupted You’re telling me you-a two were trying on display masks?” He slowly asked.
“Thash rish,” Pit answered with a mouthful of Cheetos (I wanna have Cheetos now...).
Mario couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He blinked and put a hand on his hip all sassy-like. “And it-a didn’t occur to you that OTHER people would have-a worn those masks?” he added.
Roy shrugged. “Of course we knew that. What’s the big deal?” he asked in confusion.
The doctor and the Koopa facepalmed at his stupidity. “You fool, what-a if someone who had-a the virus put on one of-a the masks?!” Mario snapped (that’s an oof-).
Pit choked on his Cheetos. “W-wait what?!” he stuttered.
“Sksksksk.” Someone said (Do you say it? Or make a sound?), but Bowser couldn’t tell who (and I oop-).
Mario sighed and unlocked Pit and Roy’s cubicle doors, letting them out. The two stepped forward while Mario pulled out a syringe, inserted a needle and rolled up Roy’s sleeve.
“What are you doing- OW IT HURTS!” Roy cried as Mario drew blood.
“Hey, it is-a your fault for-a putting on those masks!” Mario scolded. “Pit, you’re-a next.” He ordered while putting a Bandaid on a now teary Roy.
Pit gulped. “I’ll pass.” He said meekly.
Bowser shook his head. “No, since all seven of you came in contact with each other, we have to take your blood samples to make sure none of you have caught the virus,” He said. “Anyways Roy, continue your story.”
“Right,” the Young Lion quickly said, running back into his cubicle. “Anyways, we strolled around the store for an hour or so and we’re about to leave, only to notice Wario.”
“And he seemed fatter than usual!” Pit blurted out.
“Shut up, shorty!” Wario shot back.
“HEY!” Bowser yelled. The two instantly shushed. “If you morons keep bitching, we’ll be stuck in here for a long time.”
Robin had completely zoned out by this point and was roasting gamers on YouTube. Good thing the guy had his phone on him.
“Like I was saying,” Roy continued. “We tried to say hi to him, only for him to quickly push a cart out the door, triggering an alarm. And the bastard’s cart was full of stolen toilet paper!” He exclaimed, pointing accusingly at the shady businessman.
“Objection! How do you know they were stolen?!” Wario hissed.
“Hold it! Why else would the alarms go off?” Pit pressed.
“When did this turn into Ace Attorney?” Dark Pit wondered out loud (by the way, I memorized the entire main theme with lyrics by Brentendo).
“Excuse me?” a child’s voice called.
Everyone turned to see Ness standing in the doorway with a led pencil sticking out of his mouth. Wait what-
“Hey squirt, we’re in the middle of something. Fuck off.” Bowser snapped, moving his hand in a shooing motion.
“But I’ve got a mechanical pencil stuck in my braces.” Ness said.
Silence. Then Lucina spoke up.
“Are you kidding me?” she asked.
“Promise I’m not,” Ness said with a smile.
“Yeah, I have so many questions. Like, how does one get a pencil stuck in their braces?!” Dark Pit demanded.
Ness shrugged. "I don't know. It's kind of a hobby of mine to get something stuck in my mouth once a week." he answered.
“Pfft, big deal. I get something stuck up my ass once a day." Wario said.
Everyone stared at him. Mario rolled his eyes and walked up to Ness. "I will-a take it out. Just give-a me a moment..." he muttered as he stuck his hands inside Ness's mouth (He was wearing gloves), before pulling them out... and punching Ness in the jaw!
Ness yelped as he fell on his ass. When he did, Robin finally looked up from his phone. The led pencil had fallen a few inches away from him. Ness moaned in pain as he stroked his now aching jaw.
"There we-a go! It's out!" Mario exclaimed with triumph. "You may-a leave now Ness."
Ness muttered a thank you and walked out the room. There were many other ways Mario could have removed the pencil, but Mario decided to be a savage to poor Ness and One-Punched his mouth. Well, that's Mario for you.
"Okay, now that that's dealt with, let's get back on topic. Wario, it's clear as a cloudless summer day that you shoplifted those rolls of toilet paper rolls. What's your reason for doing so?" Bowser demanded.
"I wanted to sell them to people in the neighborhood who were too scared to leave their house." Wario answered innocently. "Ain't I a good citizen for doing charity work?"
"But what kind of charity charges money for goods- not to mention forty bucks?!" Pit exclaimed.
"Yeah, you can get fined for selling hygiene products for an unreasonable price." Byleth added.
"What's the big deal? I get my cash, they get their paper." Wario said. "Isn't that smart?"
Mario and Bowser exchanged looks. Clearly the fatass wasn't getting it. Suddenly, Bowser was struck with an idea. He whispered it in Mario's ear, who thought about it, before giving the Koopa a thumbs up.
"We've come to a conclusion," Bowser declared. "You will be charged over ten million dollars for stealing those rolls of toilet paper from Walmart and reselling them for a high price."
"T-t-ten million bucks?!" Wario shrieked. "I don't have that kind of money!"
Bowser put his hand in a stop sign. "I wasn't finished. Normally, that's what would happen, but here's the deal. You sell the toilet paper to everyone in the neighborhood for only fifty cents and you'll be off the hook. Plus, they'll get their toilet paper and you get your cash, just like you said." He explained. "Sound good?" (Bowser would make a good sales person with his deals)
Wario was about to protest, only to stop himself, deciding it was better than getting fined, or worse. "Alright fine. I'll hope right to it." He agreed solemnly.
"Let's-a go!" Mario exclaimed. he hurried to Wario's glass cube and unlocked it. "I will-a need a sample of your blood first."
Wario whimpered in fear while Bowser opened the rest of the cubicles.
"Come to my room Pit, we'll have a good time~" Dark Pit purred. Pit blushed madly at his suggestion.
"By the way, no one's fucking anyone." Bowser ordered. "You brats are going straight to your rooms and practicing social distancing. Or should I enforce that law?"
Corrin and Dark Pit started to protest, only to zip it when Bowser pulled the trigger on the air horn again. "Gay crackheads," he muttered.
"Seven feet," Mario reminded as he took Lucina's blood. "We don't-a want the virus to spread now, do-a we?"
When all seven fighters gave their blood samples and left, Mario sighed with relief. "Time to-a send these to the lab." Mario muttered before tossing a bundle of cash to Bowser (MOOLA).
"Aw sweet!" Bowser exclaimed as he caught it. "We really make a good team, don't we?"
Mario chuckled and was about to leave, only for Ness to open the door, this time with two pencils sticking out of his mouth. "Doctor Mario? It happened again." he said.
Bowser and Mario facepalmed and groaned in frustration again.
Chapter 5: Let's Form A Kpop Group!
Shulk pressures the gang to become Kpop Idols. This will turn out interestings...
Took me forever to type in the stupid lyrics-
Link and everyone else in the Discord group stared at Shulk with disbelief (They're talking via video chat). "Shulk... can you please repeat what you just said?" he slowly asked.
"Let's form a Kpop group!" Shulk exclaimed enthusiastically.
Ike burst out laughing. "This dude literally repeated the chapter's title!" he wheezed, only to look up to see the Homs wasn't laughing. "Oh no, he's serious." He whispered.
Robin shook his head. "I ain't doing it," he said bluntly.
"Yeah, and how are we gonna sing and dance together if we're supposed to be social distancing?" Pit pointed out.
"Also I can't sing. Or dance." Marth added.
Shulk rolled his eyes. "You guys don't need to do any of that. All we need is Photoshop, autotune, cute names and edgy outfits." he sassed.
"Can you guys not use the word edgy? Because it's a derogatory term..." Dark Pit muttered under his breath.
"He wasn't saying it to you specifically. Besides, some of us can actually dance here, no need to photoshop." Roy said with a smirk. "Watch and learn boys."
Roy stood up, stepped back, put Kill This Love on Spotify, took off his jacket... and believe it or not, did the song's choreography flawlessly! It was like this dude had the moves implanted in his DNA (Get it, the song by BTS?)! In fact, Roy didn't even break a sweat while doing the whole thing. When he was finally finished, Roy took a swig of Rockstar and sat down before dabbing.
"My mom is a dancer, bitches. So, feedback...?" he asked with a wink.
Nearly everyone was speechless. Finally, Sheik spoke up. "You looked gay," he said with a giggle.
Roy pouted and crossed his arms. "Well, let's see what you've got then Mr. Sheikah." he sassed.
"Challenge accepted." Sheik said before cracking his knuckles and standing up. "Alexa, play Mic Drop." he ordered.
Five seconds later, Sheik's usually emo self was replaced with an energetic break dancer. In fact, he was even lip syncing. Shulk whistled in reaction. A couple minutes, Sheik was panting and all sweaty.
"Hot," Marth whispered.
"You're drooling," Link laughed. Marth flipped him off for that. "That aside, you were actually good dude!" he said, giving the Sheikah a thumbs up.
"T-thanks." Sheik said with a blush.
"See what I mean now?!" Shulk exclaimed. "If we do this, girls will be thirsting over us in no time!"
"Uh, Shulk? Most of us here are gay," Dark Pit said. "So if some chick was thirsting over me, it would be pointless."
"And since we're not Korean, we'll butcher the pronunciation of the lyrics and embarrass ourselves" Ike added (lol me).
"But it is a good idea. Sounds really fun." Pit said with a smile.
"What we really need now is one more good dancer to distract the audience from our chicken dance," Marth declared.
"Oh look, someone by the name TheFoolOfHearts69 joined our server and our call," Robin said (That's actually the username of one of my Wattpad friends, he tends to roleplay as Joker and genderbend Himiko Toga. Go check him out!).
A few seconds later, Akira appeared on screen. "Hey guys," he greeted shyly (AKIRA IS A BETTER NAME THAN REN, YOU CAN FIGHT ME-).
"Joker!" Roy shouted out. "We were just talking about starting a Kpop group. Want to join?"
"WE AIN'T DOING A KPOP GROUP!" Link, Marth, Ike, Robin and Dark Pit yelled at the same time Pit, Sheik and Shulk cried "YES PLEASE JOIN US!"
Akira slowly moved away from the screen. "Well, I'm an okay singer and dancer. You want me to show you guys?" He asked, feeling pressured by the other fighters.
"Sure, go ahead," Shulk said warmly.
"Okay..." Akira muttered, standing up and playing something on Spotify (Hey, Spotify is good. I wouldn't mind getting Premium). Clap by Seventeen began to play. Let's just say if the boys thought Roy and Sheik were good, Akira clapped them (Get it? No? asdfghjkl). He was even singing it! When he finished, he looked even hotter than Sheik did.
"Well..?" Akira waited for everyone to give him feedback.
Instantly, everyone started vibing. Guess they liked it.
"Everyone, we're doing this! No buts or whatsoever!" Shulk declared. "Go change into something edgy-slash-sexy, then Roy, Akira and Sheik will teach you how to dance. We'll also take singing lessons from Corrin and Kamui (male Corrin). I'm pretty sure Azura taught them how to sing."
"Wait, why do we have to teach these dumbasses how to-" Sheik started.
"I said shut up and get ready!" Shulk snapped.
"What happened to autotune and photoshop-"
"Bitch, did I stutter?!" Shulk shot at Dark Pit.
Everyone groaned and left the call. When Shulk tells you to do something, you do it. Unless you want to get lectured by British boy, go right ahead, disobey him.
*LE TIME SKIP*
One week later, the boys were gathered backstage in typical Kpop outfits; band tees, leather jackets, dress shirts, Nike- you get the idea. Without masks, so imagine how risky that would be. People surprisingly showed up, including Zelda who was there to see Link, Robin's sister Robyn -who was probably there just to roast him on Twitter- with Chrom, Yoshi, Peach, Luigi, Ganondorf, Wolf, Mewtwo, Palutena -who was there for her "sons"- Lucas -please protect the boy from the world- and as well as Cloud.
"My anxiety levels have suddenly increased," Pit whispered, biting his nails.
"Babe, just breath," Dark Pit said, trying to reassure him, but truth be told, he was nervous as well.
"I'm starting to forgot the dance routine- dammit Roy! Can't you do anything right?!" the Young Lion scolded himself.
"Does anyone have chicken? That would really help now." Ike asked (we like Ike).
"Everyone, calm down!" Link whisper-yelled. "Look, this is our first time doing this. Sure, we might bomb this thing. We might make total fools of ourselves. But we'll never know if we don't try!" he lectured.
"You're scared as well, aren't you?" Robin asked.
"Of course I'm fucking scared! You seriously think I want to go out there and sing BTS songs?! I was practically forced into this by Monado Boy!" he snapped.
"Speaking of the devil, where is he?" Marth asked.
"I'M REALLY FEELING IT!!!!" Shulk cried as he ran towards the group. "Guys, I've got great news! Wario and Byleth volunteered to be sponsors!" he exclaimed.
"Cool," Akira said half-heartedly.
Shulk frowned. "Okay, why's everyone so emo?" He asked.
"Shulk, I don't we're up for this," Sheik said. "What if we screw up and become laughing stocks for the rest of our lives?"
Shulk facepalmed. "We're not gonna embarrass ourselves. And if we do, we're too hot for people to roast that easily." He sassed.
"Oh right," Everyone mused.
"So, you guys ready now?" Shulk asked.
"Sure," Robin muttered.
"Yeah," Marth said with a nod.
"Righto," Pit beamed.
"Can I get a "Hell Yeah"?" Shulk asked, with a grin.
"Hell yeah," the boys said in unison. Well, except Pit, he said "heck" instead.
"I can't hear you," Shulk encouraged.
"HELL YEAH!" they exclaimed ecstatically.
"What are we?!" Shulk demanded.
Everyone froze. It didn't occur to them until now to pick a name for their group.
"Don't worry fam, I've got it," Robin said with a smirk.
Onstage, Crazy Hand -who was still wearing a glove by the way- was anxiously waiting for his possibly new Kpop obsession to come on stage. Their first sponsor was good. Wario advertized toilet paper toilet paper for only fifty cents per roll. He ran out of his first batch in less than a minute. Byleth then hurried on stage.
"Hello there. I am Byleth and I have a question for you. Tell me, who hates Leonie here?" he asked.
Silence. Probably cause no one even knew who Leonie was.
"Well, if you do and want to share your hated with other people who hate her, then why not join the I Hate Leonie Club? We have our own Discord server, t-shirts, buttons, lanyards and everything!" he exclaimed.
"Do you give out free Chili Dogs?" Sonic yelled from the audience.
"No..." Byleth answered.
"Then I don't care," Sonic said bluntly.
Byleth gulped before cooly leaving the stage like nothing happened.
"wEll thAT WAs awKwARd," Crazy hand said with a nervous laugh. "jUsT wAIt A LITtlE lONgEr-"
Suddenly, the lights dimmed. A spotlight appeared on ten boys in edgy poses. The crowd was quiet. And then...
"Ayo ladies and gentleman
Junbiga dwaessdamyeon bureulge yeah!
Ttan nyeoseokdeulgwaneun dareuge
Nae seutaillo nae nae nae nae seutaillo!”
Link sang while smoothly dancing (the song is Dope by BTS).
"Bamsae ilhaessji everyday
Niga keulleobeseo nol ttae yeah
Ja nollaji malgo deureo maeil
I got a feel, I got a feel"
"Nan jom jjeoreo!"
everyone sang in unison before breakdancing.
The audience turned on glow sticks and went wild (wait, this isn't a Vocaloid concert!). The girls started fangirling. Well, excluding Robyn who was laughing her ass off while recording the whole thing.
"I want to marry them!" Zelda squealed.
"Same!" Lucina added, only to pause when she received a classic Yandere glare from Corrin. "Is what I would have said if I were a total loser!" She quickly added.
"A jjeoreo jjeoreo jjeoreo uri yeonseupsil ttamnae
Bwa jjeoreong jjeoreong jjeoreonghan
Nae chumi daphae
Modu bisiri jjijiri jjingjjingi ttilttirideul
Narangeun sanggwani eopseo
Cuz nan huimangi jjeoreo haha"
Robin rapped, only for Dark Pit to push him out of the way.
"Ok urin meoributeo balkkeutkkaji jeonbu da
Haruui jeolbaneul jageobe jjeo jjeoreo
Jageopsire jjeoreo sareo cheongchuneun sseogeogado
Deokbune moro gado dallineun seonggonggado
Sonyeodeura deo keuge sorijilleo jjeo”
The angel finished before quickly flipping off the crowd, which made the fangirls go crazier.
"They're so cringe that they sound good," Lucario said with a smile
"Bamsae ilhaessji everyday
Niga keulleobeseo nol ttae yeah
Ttan nyeoseokdeulgwaneun dareuge
I don’t wanna say yes
I don’t wanna say yes!"
"Sorichyeobwa all right
Momi tabeoridorok all night (all night)
Cause we got fire (fire!)
I gotta make it, I gotta make it
Pit and Roy sang together before the chorus started again.
Nan wonrae neomuhae
Modu da ttara hae
Jeonbu naui noye
Modu da ttara hae
the guys sang the chorus again.
"I still hate Kpop. But this is incredible." Cloud commented.
"They must have put a lot of work into memorizing the lyrics. Those dance moves almost look dangerous. But if they get hurt, it'll give me an excuse to kiss their booboos!" Peach exclaimed.
"Peach!" Mario whined. Was the princess going to leave him for those Kpop wannabes?
*Time Skip cause I'm lazy as fuck*
After singing dope, the gang did DNA, Fire, Fake Love and I Need You. Yep, more BTS songs. And when their performance was finally over, they dropped to their knees all sweaty, making the fangirls even more thirster.
"ANd thAT wAS... wAIt whAT's yOUR GROup's nAMe agAIN?" Crazy Hand asked.
"10/S!" the gang exclaimed.
"It stands for Ten Smashers," Robin explained.
"gIVe iT UP 10/S!!" Crazy Hand shouted, making the audience go Super Saiyan again.
A few minutes later, 10/S crashed in the Mansion's lounge. Pit grabbed the remote and put on Jojo.
"Well, that was something," Marth said.
"I can't feel my legs!" Roy whined.
"Guys... Robin's sister uploaded our performance on Youtube. And Instagram. And Twitter. And Snapchat." Dark Pit said, showing his phone.
Everyone hurried around him, ignoring his cries about personal space. Sure enough, there they were on Youtube, going full out Kpop.
"Oh Hylia..." Link whispered.
"Well, there goes my social life." Ike said with a groan.
"ROBYN I SWEAR TO NAGA I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!" Robin screamed before charging down the hall.
"Read the comments," Akira said.
Dark Pit scrolled down to the comments section.
"They're edgy as Hell... I love it." Sheik read out loud.
"Yo, can these guys do a concert at my high school?."
"They're even better than Bangtan themselves."
"Pit is so cute, I wanna cuddle him before I die-"
"What?!" Dark Pit exclaimed before dropping his phone and tackling Pit. "Touch the cinnamon roll bitch! I dare you!"
Sheik rolled his eyes and went back to reading the comments.
"Ike looks so buff and manly, but is incredible on stage."
"I didn't think Robin could rap like that. Good job my dude."
"They looked like a snack at the end. I want them to drag to my room and- wait what?"
"That's a little... interesting." Roy muttered.
"You thought that was bad? I saw one that was worse." Shulk pointed out.
"1:40 was the best eargasm I've ever heard. In fact, I wish Shulk could strip me down and shove his- oh my god."
"Can Marth like pin my down and fuck my-" Marth paused and looked away. "I'll pretend I never saw that."
"Man, the thirst is real," Akira commented.
"But we're famous now, am I right?!" Shulk exclaimed optimistically. "Lets make our debut MV now!"
At that, everyone began to began to protest again. Shulk quickly held his hands up in an innocent fashion.
"Chill, chill! I was joking!" He said with a smirk. "Unless... the readers want us to continue being idols. What do you guys say?” (Breaking the fourth wall, am I right?)
Chapter 6: Tactician Vs Tactician
Remember when the troll and shipping lady posted 10/S's debut concert? Well, that was a huge mistake.
I changed the rating to mature only because of the thirst and suggestive lines. Don't worry, there will be no smut.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Robyn was in her room sitting in a massage chair in her favourite pajamas while sipping tea... and roasting celebrities on Twitter.
It was one of the many things the albino twins had in common, making fun of social media influencers and having a good laugh about it. But today Robyn wasn't harassing Ariana Grande or James Charles (Hey sisters!). Nope, she was trolling Smash Mansion's very own Kpop group, 10/S.
So, ten fighters from our humble mansion decided it would be a great idea to rip off BTS. They don't write their own songs or make choreography, they just cover Bangtan. One thing that's really killing me right now is the name, 10/S. Which is basically pronounced "tennis". Tennis! Like which goof came up with the name?! Oh, I know, my retarded brother. Also, Shulk trying to sing in Korean with a British accent is disgusting. Buddy, it might be a good idea to give up the music dream, you'll never make it. Also, Kpop is awful in general. I only recorded these dumbasses making fools of themselves for a good laugh!
"And...post." Robyn muttered as she tapped the button (Yes, I know the tweet is over thirty words, but fanfics don't have logic).
As soon as the Tweet was up, someone knocked on the tactician's door. Robyn sighed and got up from her massage chair to look through the peephole only to see her edgy daughter with a serious expression on her face (Lucina is such a mood). Robyn smiled and opened the door.
"Hey sweetie, what's up?" Robyn asked softly.
"Hi mom. Can I talk to you about something?" Lucina asked.
"Of course. Come in, I'll make more tea." she offered.
Lucina walked in and sat down on the couch. Robyn started to boil the kettle and sat next to her. "So, what's with the sombre expression?" she asked.
Lucina took a deep breath and looked at her mother in the eye. "You know how I started dating Corrin?" she began.
"Of course. She's a good girl." Robyn answered.
"Well, sometimes she can be a little... possessive." Lucina muttered.
Robyn wasn't exactly surprised by that. "Let me guess, your girlfriend gets jealous easily and goes around threatening to kill anyone you talk to." she said bluntly.
Lucina's eyes widen before bursting out in laughter. "Right on the money," She said. "But I wish she would do that less often. It's almost scary. Cute, but terrifying."
Robyn's played enough Yandere Simulator and watched tons of yandere anime to understand what her daughter was going through (Mirai Nikki anyone?). Poor girl has to have conversations with her friends in secret and watch her back 24/7 to make sure she wasn't being stalked. But she couldn't blame Corrin either. A girl pretty as Lucina would make anyone go insane.
"Maybe you should have her talk to a therapist," Robyn suggested. "Then you may have a better understanding of what's going inside her head and she may find a better way to cope with envy."
"You really think that would work?" Lucina asked unsure. "She might just kill the therapist." she half-joked.
"Well talking about one's problems usually help. Corrin might even have a serious mental disorder (Bipolar disorder?)." Robyn said gravely.
Lucina thought about it briefly before grinning. "Hm, that might just help. Thank you Mother. I'll suggest Corrin your idea."
Robyn shrugged. "Eh, it was no biggie. Good luck. Oh, have a cup of tea before you leave." she offered as she got up to stop the kettle from wailing. But before she even made it to the kitchen-
Robyn yelped and jumped it of the way just in time to avoid the blast of lighting through her door. Standing in the doorway was a pissed off Robin.
"Hey look, it's a Kpop rapper," Robyn commented, making finger guns at her brother. "Who isn't following the quarantine rules and destroyed my door..." she muttered (don't worry honey, there were like two other chapters where someone's door received abuse. One kudos equals one less abused door. Wait, leave a kudos only if you want to.).
Robin stalked towards her. "Why would you upload that humiliating video?!" he demanded.
His sister shrugged. "For entertainment purposes? It's hilarious." She giggled.
"Hi Robin," Lucina greeted, completely unshook by the lighting. Robin and Robyn fought pretty often, so it wasn't a big deal.
"Hey Luci," Robin answered with a small wave. "Anyways dearest sister, you're going to have a bad time."
Robyn knew for a fact she was fucked. Although their strength is the same (they're literally pallet swaps), ever since the pandemic started Robin began to load up on extra energy with his daily can of Red Bull every morning, which is why he was able to dance, rap and sing on stage without fainting in the middle of the performance. It lasts until the evening. Robyn preferred an iced tea or cappuccino, which had a lot less sugar and caffeine, equaling in less unnatural energy (this logic make no sense). So instead of going into battle, she did the next best thing.
"EAT MY BISEXUAL ASS!" she cried before Naruto running out the door (NANIMO NANIMO-). Yep, time to play a good old game of tag and yeet the concept of social distancing out the window once again.
Robyn glanced behind her to see Robin just a few meters away. She laughed and headed for Akira's room for shelter. Besides, it was nearly time for his tutoring session with her. Since Akira is a high school second year, he's stuck with online classes and is having trouble with functions, history and physics, so he turned to girl genius for help. Robyn quickly threw the door open before locking it and barricading it using a sofa, TV and mini fridge.
When she was sure she was safe, Robyn let out a sigh of relief. "Akira?" she called.
No answer. Huh, was he not home? And then she heard it.
"Ya weni marei mirekyarahire
Juri yu mirekerason"
What in the name of Naga was that?
"Kire hyari yoriherahe nyurahera
Nunnyura unera yurawera nyimerani"
There it was again! It sounds like it was coming from the bathroom.
Her curiosity got the better of her. Robyn crept towards the bathroom door and opened it a crack. And what she saw was quite the sight.
Akira Kurusu, also known as Joker, was in the shower singing Calamari Inkantation (Squid Sisters uwu). Robyn didn't know how to react. But she knew Akira wouldn't like her seeing him nude so she gently closed the door and walked out his room, only to find Robin patiently waiting outside.
"Yello bitch." he said with a salute.
Robyn groaned and quickly kicked him in the nuts before hurrying to the lounge while Robin cried in pain while holding his crotch. Pit was still there with his eyes half lidded, absentmindedly watching Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Robyn sat in the recliner next to him and ruffled his hair.
"So, Robin's trying to murder me," she said while watching Joseph Joestar use his stand.
"Why...?" he asked softly.
Robyn shrugged and crossed her arms. "Because he's an idiot who takes the fun out of everything." she answered haughtily.
"Oh..." he muttered. Robyn couldn't help but crack a smile. Pit was way too pure for this world.
Daisy skipped into the lounge with a huge grin on her face. "Did you know someone uploaded 10/S's performance?!" she exclaimed.
Robyn smirked. "Honey, I'm the bad bitch who put it up there." she whispered, trying not to wake up Pit, who had just fallen asleep.
"Well, it's over a million views now!" Daisy squealed.
Robyn whistled. "Well that's impressive. I only recorded it because those guys are really-"
"Dreamy? Talented? Amaze-balls?!" the princess interrupted.
Robyn quickly pulled her phone out, opened Youtube and clicked on the video. Sure enough, it was already at a million views. And when she clicked on the comment section...
"Holy fuck..." the tactician muttered in shock.
Instead of getting roasts and trolls, the comments section was full of fangirl thirst. And some comments were so "thirsty" Robyn started to have some rather arousing thoughts. Also, she got a lot of hate from that Twitter post. How did her plan backfire?
Soon, Robin strolled into the lounge and pulled out his tome. "Good evening everyone. Today I'm going to unleash so much lighting magic on my crazy sister-"
"You're so hot I'm gonna cum myself." Robyn blurted out while sweating like crazy with her mouth hanging open as if she were a character in a hentai manga (Don't attack me for this line-).
Robin blushed madly and slowly backed up before running out the lounge while shouting "INCEST ALERT! HELP!".
Daisy giggled. "If you hadn't posted that twenty minute video, we would have died out of boredom. And the fans will get worse as time goes by." she joked.
Robyn sighed, pulled herself off the recliner, crashed onto the couch and buried her face in the pillow. "Whatever you do, protect the innocent angel from the comments." Robyn mumbled.
Clean thoughts, Robyn. Clean thoughts.
I noticed my writing skills have really dropped. For one, there are countless spelling mistakes. Second, the maximum number of words is less than 2000. Ugh, I'm really sorry.
Chapter 7: Zelda Plays Minecraft
Zelda plays one of the best games created in history, Minecraft. Turns out she makes an adorable noob.
I have "Revenge" stuck in my head. Also, has anyone else made the mistake of thinking a creeper is cute and walking up to it?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Zelda, the Princess of Hyrule, was bored out of her mind.
She did everything she could think of while being trapped in her room- baking desserts, knitting and even uploading pointless Tik Toks. Peach on the other hand decided it would be a GREAT idea to throw a pool party. Once teen every in Florida heard about it, they hurried to the mansion's pool and started vibing in it (I just feel like the mansion would be located in Florida-). Let's just say Crazy hand was not happy about it, since he already had the task of looking after the mansion ever since Master Hand caught the virus.
"What to do..." she muttered while reading an article titled "40 things to do while in quarantine".
Go on a walk? She did that five times already today. Learn a new language? She learned Korean, French, Italian and Hindi in the past two weeks.
Then her eyes fell on the one thing she hasn't tried: 34. Play an online game with friends.
"Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?" Zelda exclaimed. Then she paused. "Wait, the only game I've ever played asides from Smash is Breath Of The Wild. In fact, I don't even own a console." she groaned.
Then it hit her. She could simply download games on her computer! Immediately, Zelda typed in "Best PC games of 2020" in Google. As soon as she clicked searched, so many games popped up, as well as Steam.
Let's see, Overwatch? It looked cool. But once she learned it was a shooter, Zelda decided not to buy it. Fortnite? Then she remembered Lucina burning a bunch of Switch copies of it on the rooftop. Guess it's a bad game.
Then her eyes fell on a game that was made in 2009. "Minecraft?" she read out loud. Curious, she clicked on the website. From what she read, it was a game where you can explore and create a world. Since Zelda was a pretty creative person, it didn't seem like a bad choice.
"Welp, I guess this is the one I'm buying..." she said as she pulled out her credit card to pay for the game. After purchasing and setting up the whole thing, Zelda was finally ready to relax and play her new game.
"Okay let's see... singleplayer... create new world... let's call it "Hyrule" for now... sure we'll go with Survival Mode whatever that means..." she muttered while clicking several options. "Okay, let's do this!" she exclaimed as she clicked on "Play Selected World".
"So do I move with the arrow keys or WASD... guess both works." Zelda thought out loud as she controlled Steve. She clicked on a tree to gather some wood, only to be surprised when the entire tree didn't collapse (TIMBER-). "Huh, looks like physics doesn't really apply in Minecraft." she said with a laugh.
Unsure what to do, Zelda started to dig. She kept digging lower until she came across a spider. "Hello!" she said with a smile. Suddenly, the spider attacked her (no surprise there)! Yelping, Zelda quickly rose to the surface with the dirt she gathered.
"Damn spider..." she muttered. "Oh, it's night now!"
Then she spotted something in the distance. Curious, Zelda walked over to it to discover it was a green four-legged creature with an adorable black face (Creeper? AW MAN-).
"Aw, what are you?" she asked clicking on it. The thing flashed red and jumped back. "Oops, I didn't mean to hurt you!" she quickly apologized.
And then it happened.
Confused Zelda stared at the creature. "Is it supposed to hissing?" she asked nervously. And then-
Zelda gasped and fell out of her chair. When she looked up, she saw the following words:
Zelda was killed by Creeper
It took a few seconds for Zelda to understand what that meant. "So that thing can kill you?! Hmph, so much for being cute..." she muttered with her arms crossed.
Not wanting to die for a second time, Zelda decided to ask an expert for help, also known as her male counterpart, Sheik (don't bash me for making Sheik a guy-). She punched in his number into her phone and waited for him to pick up. Finally, he answered on the fourth ring.
"Zelda?" he asked lazily.
"Hi Sheik, I need your help with a game. How do you play Minecraft?" Zelda asked him.
Silence. And then Sheik burst out laughing.
"What's so funny...?" Zelda slowly asked.
"Z-Zelda, the P-princess of Hyrule i-is playing a video game-" he managed to say before howling again.
Zelda rolled her eyes. "How old do you think I am? If you're going to make fun of me for playing a computer game, then I'll ask someone sensible for help, like Samus." she declared.
Finally, the Sheikah stopped laughing. "Okay, gimme a moment, I'll save you Princess. Come on Discord." He said before hanging up. Zelda shook her head and launched Discord.
Eventually, Sheik came online along with Samus. "Zelda, if you know what's good for you, don't ask this clown to guide you through Minecraft." Samus said in the mic nonchalantly.
"Oh shush boomer," Sheik shot back.
"What did you just call me...?" Samus hissed. From her side, Zelda can hear knuckles cracking.
"Uh, did I say boomer? I meant beautiful woman!" he quickly said. "Anyways Zel, you first want to craft some wooden planks. Get some wood and arrange them in this pattern in the crafting grid." he instructed, showing his screen to the other two.
"Got it." Zelda got to work. "Okay, now what?"
"Next, make a stick by placing two vertically adjacent wooden planks in the grid. Once you're done, we'll make you a wooden pickaxe." he continued.
Zelda nodded. "Let's see how this goes...
By the time night had fallen, Zelda managed to put up with Sheik's jokes and built a small house with a bed with his guidance.
"So Zel, what did you think about your first day of Minecraft?" Samus asked.
Zelda shrugged. "Eh, could have been worse. But at least I didn't die this time." she answered.
"If how don't mind me asking, how exactly did you die last time?" Sheik asked.
"I found an adorable green creature and tried to interact with it only for it to blow me up." she replied.
Sheik and Samus were quiet. Then, the Sheikah spoke up.
"You're telling me you actually walked up to a Creeper?" Sheik whispered with a giggle.
"Is that what it's called? Good to know." Zelda said with a smile.
Sheik burst into hysterics again. Samus facepalmed and DMed her friend so she wouldn't have to tolerate anymore of his bullshit.
Metroid Killer: If u don't wanna deal with surviving mobs and actually wanna build something epic, play Creative Mode.
Metroid Killer: Let's leave this goof and make a new world and build a palace together ;)
Metroid Killer: Also it's unnecessary, but I recommend using this skin: zeldaskin.jpg
Zelda: Thanks mate
Sorry it was short, school is stressing me out. Also, as you can tell, I'm running out of ideas. Sheik is my annoying cousin in a nutshell. And yes, there's actually a ALTTP Zelda skin: https://www.minecraftskins.com/uploads/skins/2020/05/14/princess-zelda-14355121.png?v233 I'm also planning on making a bonus chapter to make up for not writing for so long. Well, I wouldn't really call it a chapter but... Eh, you'll see.
Chapter 8: I'll Quit Singing! But It's A Cover By Lucina
Lucina sings a parody of Fukase's infamous song. Slight profinaty warning.
I honestly don't know why I wrote this trash. Eh, it was fun. Also, my favourite version of this song is "Quit Your Sour Sweetness!" by Vannamelon. It's unique and cute. But for those who have never heard of it before, here the original:https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=77&v=H0F7Sb0Vfek
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Lucina took a deep breath and cracked her knuckles. Once she was sure her mic was working, she began to play.
"I am done,
I am through,
I am just so sick of it all!
Why do you people keep comparing me to Marth?!"
"I am done,
I am through,
I am so sick of everyone's bullshit!
And stop calling me flat,
Cause at least I have boobs you sluts,
Fuck you all!"
*CUE INTENSE PIANO MUSIC*
"Ever since Nintendo created me,
I knew people would start being horny,
Drawing fanart of me being fucked by every fighter,
Don't you bitches have anything better to do?"
"I'm always shipped with that Goddess,
Palutena and I have nothing in common so what's the deal?
Oh and please quit shipping me with my ancestor,
Because that's wrong on so many levels,
Fuck you guys"
"Why do I always die in every damn fanfic?
Do you dumbasses seriously think I'm that weak?
And for the last time, stop calling me "Girl Marth" as I have a name,
Or I'll call you guys horny NEETS without a life,
Because it's time I put a end to this all!"
"I am done,
I am through,
Just give me a fucking break,
Ugh my throat is starting to ache does anyone have water?"
"I am done,
I am through,
I won't keep satisfying your pervy desires,
Just let me take care of my mental health,
Is that seriously too much to ask?"
"I am done,
I am through,
Oh shit I've run out of stuff to rant about,
Welp I better hurry up and finish this fucking song"
"I am done,
I am through,
And no dad I'm not going through some fucking phase,
Fuck you all!"
Lucina gasped and slammed her head on the piano and started to cry. Outside her room, Robyn and Chrom stood outside with concern.
"So, what now?" Chrom asked, still trying to process the fact his daughter swears.
Robyn sighed and opened Lucina's door, which was surprisingly unlocked. She walked next to her daughter and placed her hand on her shoulder.
"Sweetie, do you want to watch some Netflix with me and Zelda? It'll help destress you and distract you from your depression. Or whatever this is." she suggested.
Lucina sat up and wiped her eyes. "O-okay," she said with a nod.
Meanwhile, Chrom went off to find the fighter who made his daughter so edgy and beat the shit out of them.
But for real, stop comparing Lucina to Marth, just because they have the same moveset doesn't mean she's a clone of him. In fact, Lucina is top tier.
Chapter 9: A Totally Not Sexual Conversation
Roy started this shit. One thing then led to another and... You'll see.
Here's a quick rundown on whos who:
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: Dark Pit
Zelda!: ...I think it's pretty obvious
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Server: Smash Mansion's Official Discord Server
RoysOurBoi: I got a boner
Angelic-Light: Ew y r u telling us dat
RoysOurBoi: I wanna ;)
EdgyExalt: thats something personal we dont wanna kno
RoysOurBoi: Well its Akira's fault
TheJokerOfHearts69: How da hell am i responsible
RoysOurBoi: U showed me boku no pico!
RoysOurBoi: Now I'm hard!!!!!
TheJokerOfHearts69: I did? My bad
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: did u seriously show the kid porn
TheJokerOfHearts69: u kno u r a kid 2 rite?
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: no I'm not
Angelic-Light: U r
Angelic-Light: U r like 13 appearance wise but actually 11 :p
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: SHHHHH UR NOT SUPPOSED 2 TELL EM DAT-
Angelic-Light: Well I just did >:D
EdgyExalt: wats a shota?
TheJokerOfHearts69: look it up
RoysOurBoi: Can we get back on topic?
RoysOurBoi: Akira really wanted 2 get away from me so he gave me hentai
TheJokerOfHearts69: ah shit its my mom
EdgyExalt: ohohoho u in trouble now
RenRensMom: I'm proud of you
TheKingOfKoopas wat da faq even is this conversation
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: fire marth is horny lmao
Angelic-Light: Scroll up
Zelda!: Wait is Bayonetta actually Akira's mom?
TheJokerOfHearts69: im half british
RoysOurBoi: W8 zelda u were hear dis hole time
Zelda!: Correction: "Wait Zelda, you were here this entire time?"
Zelda!: Grammar is important.
Zelda!: And yes, I was, my status is invisible. Why are we even talking about this?
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: roy started it
RoysOurBoi: Hey joker u wanna come 2 my room n play animal crossing with me?
TheKingOfKoopas: u guys wanna c smg funny
EdgyExalt: WAT DA FUCK-
RoysOurBoi: DIS US MOANING?!
Angelic-Light: Hehe pittoo is a screamer
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: SHUDDUP GODDESS UR IN DIS 2!
RenRensMom: Hey, this is the time I banged you Palu~
TheJokerOfHearts69: w8 actually
RenRensMom: yee I did
Royal_-_Fighter: Roy wat did u do dis time
RoysOurBoi: Watched anime porn
Royal_-_Fighter: Whoa wat is dis audio
Zelda!: Did any of you graduate school? Because clearly none of you guys can spell or use proper grammar.
Zelda!: Except for Akira's mom.
EdgyExalt: were texting so it doesnt matter
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: i think we broke palu
TheJokerOfHearts69: should we do smg
Zelda: Bowser you're so evil.
LucinaIsMine: Who did you have sex with?
EdgyExalt: no one
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: w8 is dis Corrin?
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: press F 2 pay ur respects
EdgyExalt: U GUYS ARENT HELPING-
LucinaIsMine: It's okay
LucinaIsMine: I won't hurt you if you told me.
FireEmblem06: But youll murder da one who fucked her
KingOfTheKoopas: whos dis now?
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: wat kinda username is dat
FireEmblem06: its the users decision 2 use dis username
FireEmblem06: dont h8 on em
LucinaIsMine: Are you still there?
TheJokerOfHearts69: she went offline
RenRensMom: You're scaring her
RoysOurBoi: Wat kinda gf r u 2 hurt ur lovers friends
RoysOurBoi: She doesn't deserve you
FireEmblem06: she went offline 2-
TheJokerOfHearts69: ROY RUN
TheJokerOfHearts69: COME 2 MY ROOM
TheJokerOfHearts69: WE CAN PLAY ANIMAL CROSSING 2GETHER
TheJokerOfHearts69: JUST DONT LET HER KILL U
RoysOurBoi: Aw u do care!
RoysOurBoi: FUCK SHES BREAKING DOWN MY DOOR-
Angelic-Light: Fine ill just teleporte u 2 akis room
TheJokerOfHearts69: O good ur still in 1 piece
FireEmblem06: did u just say one piece
RenRensMom: my son is a weeb
LucinaIsMine: I'm only going to say this once.
LucinaIsMine: Open the door.
Tactical_Strategist: NOT SO FAST!
LucinaIsMine: Robin what are you-
Tactical_Strategist: I knocked her out with thoron :D
RoysOurBoi: Can we play animal crossing now pwese?
TheJokerOfHearts69: u kno u dont need 2 text im standing right here
Zelda!: You're back!
EdgyExalt: i was hiding my vibrator
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: u have a vibrator with u XD
EdgyExalt: so wat if i do
EdgyExalt: anyways i think were all wanna kno who fucked who
TheKingOfKoopas: i never did anyone but i still wanna kno
Tactical_Strategist: What r u guys talking about?
RoysOurBoi: Marth was da one who fucced me
TheJokerOfHearts69: den y did u wanna do me
TheJokerOfHearts69: u already have a bf
Royal_-_Fighter: no he isn't
Royal_-_Fighter: were friends
Royal_-_Fighter: with benefits ;)
TheJokerOfHearts69: fair fair
TheJokerOfHearts69: i laid futaba
EdgyExalt: who dat
Zelda!: Wow, she's so pretty!
TheJokerOfHearts69: i'm still not over her...
Zelda!: I *tried* to get Link to have sex with me
Zelda!: But he's too baby.
FireEmblem06: lucina its ur turn
Angelic-Light: ur the bag of chips in this covo
EdgyExalt: u guys kno selena
Tactical_Strategist: Da tsundere
EdgyExalt: corrin better not find out about her
EdgyExalt: we better delete these messages b4 she wakes up
Zelda!: What about you Pittoo?
RenRensMom: You don't need 2 hide it, I remember you and Pit had fun after that party
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: WE WERE DRUNK OK?!
TheJokerOfHearts69: so thats where da screams were fro ;leeny face;
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: no one asked u
Zelda!: I see.
Zelda!: Makes sense.
Zelda!: Wait, who gave the child booze?
Angelic-Light: I let him drink a lil ;)
RenRensMom: We should also probably delete these texts before Pit reads them
FireEmblem06: speaking of who where is he
Zelda!: Palutena, you're a bad mom
TheJokerOfHearts69: oh god here we go again
Tacticial_Strategist: Im dating monado boi btw
Tacticial_Strategist: We made love last night
Tacticial_Strategist: Screw corona
RoysOurBoi: wat bout Ike
FireEmblem06: sadly im a virgin
FireEmblem06: i wanna ask samus out but i doubt shes interested in me
RenRensMom: That's so cute
RenRensMom: Give it a shot! ^o^
FireEmblem06: and risk being slammed into da wall?
FireEmblem06: i need more time 2 think
RenRensMom: I understand
RenRensMom: Anyways Palutena fucked me a year ago
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: leave her alone
DarkAngelOfSkyworld: let her cool off
RoysOurBoi: Welp Im gonna take a shower and play with myself to get rid of my boner
TheJokerOfHearts69: u kno u have me right?
TheJokerOfHearts69: and hes gone
EdgyExalt: gonna call it a night
TheKingOfKoopas: time 2 harass peach again
RenRensMom: good night
Tactical_Strategist: Use protection ;)
HylianNaruto: guys greninja flooded da main hall again
HylianNaruto: anyone there?
HylianNaruto: dammit guess im gonna have 2 deal with dis shit myself
I'm so sorry I haven't updated this trash. I was busy with school and family stuff. Hope I can continue writing this before my depression takes over and my motivation dies...
Chapter 10: BTS VS 10/S
Y'all saw this coming, didn't you? BTS finally discovers 10/S and are pissed that they are covering their songs. What shall they ever do? Specifically, what will Rap Monster do?
You thought the Kpop was done? Oh no, I'm just getting started eue
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
"Namjoon, help me," Jimin whined (Jimin is a baby).
Kim Namjoon, who is more commonly known as Rap Monster, rolled his eyes and walked up to the child. "What?" he asked.
"Hoseok stole my shoes," the baby whimpered.
"Well what do you expect me to do, mine were destroyed by the psycho dog across the street!" Jung Hoseok, or J-Hope, shot back.
"Buy a new pair of shoes?" Namjoon suggested.
Hoseok stuck his tongue out and left the house. Good Lord, it was like being a babysitter when it came to dealing the other members (How I feel with my sister).
"GUYS I HAVE BAD NEWS!" Kim Seokjin, also known as Jin, exclaimed.
Namjoon winced and covered his ears. "Dude, there's no need to yell, I'm right here." he muttered.
Seokjin sat down on the couch and handed his laptop to Namjoon. That's when Kim Taehyung, who's stage name is V, collapsed next to him and stuck his feet in Seokjin's face (The reason I'm putting their stage names with their real names is because most people are uncultured when it comes to Kpop) .
"Massage my feet," he ordered.
"Get the fuck out," Seokjin hissed.
Ignoring them, Namjoon read the article on the screen. It seemed like there was a new Kpop group named 10/S. That's cool. What's the big deal?
But when he scrolled to the bottom, that's when Namjoon's heart stopped.
In my opinion, 10/S is a better group compared to BTS. They have more members, a wider age range, more species, better choreography and much better voices. And hey, they actually know English! And I'll be honest, I have a huge crush on Sheik. Sorry Yoongi, but you ain't my bias anymore.
Namjoon was quiet for a moment. Then like a drama queen, he dropped the Macbook which shattered into a thousand pieces (First door abuse and now laptop abuse?).
"WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE CON ARTISTS?!" he exclaimed.
"Right?! It pisses you off doesn't it?!" Jin growled.
"Why you guys so mad?" Yoongi yawned walking into the scene.
"There's a new fake Kpop group," Namjoon began.
"So they're trying to replace us!"
"Yeah that ain't happening anytime soon so chill,"
"...the writer of one of the articles said you're not their bias anymore and replaced you with some guy named Sheik."
"OH HELL NO WHO WROTE THAT SHIT I'M GONNA FIGHT HER-"
"And you guys haven't seen the worst part yet." Jin whispered as he passed his phone to the two. "Also you owe me a new laptop."
"Suga I'm hungry," Jimin whimpered.
"Wait, we need to beat up some bitches," Yoongi quickly said.
Namjoon clicked the video on screen. Standing on a beach was a brunette kid wearing a simple white t-shirt, shorts and were those... wings? And this music sounds familiar... Slowly, the boy turned around to reveal innocent yet serious blue eyes that would make any girl go crazy. And then he started to sing:
"Nan sumswigo sipeo I bami sireo
Ijen kkaego sipeo kkumsogi sireo
Nae ane gathyeoseo nan jugeoisseo
Don't wanna be lonely
Just wanna be yours" (Too lazy to indent every line-)
"Hey, is that me? I sound different," Jimin piped up.
"Shush, we're trying to listen to... whatever this is." Yoongi snapped.
Back to the video, while the angel kid was singing, he was doing some emo dance moves. Okay, at least the choreography was original, though Namjoon couldn't place his finger where those lyrics were from.
Then, the camera changed it focus to a older guy that just spelled HOT- with long blond hair held back in a ponytail, bright blue hair and... elf ears? Who were these people cosplaying? He was also wearing a simple blue top and ripped jeans.
"Wae iri kkamkkamhan geonji
Niga eoptneun I goseun
Wiheomhajanha manggajin nae moseup
Guhaejwo nal nado nal jabeul su eopseo (su eopseo)"
"Damn he fine though," Taehyung whistled.
"NO, DON'T GIVE IN! NO MATTER HOW SEXY THEY MAY BE WE CAN NOT GIVE IN TO THEM!" Namjoon yelled.
Next, the camera flipped to another blond haired and blue eyed dude. Okay, at least he looked human in a red hoodie, black tank and black shorts.
"Nae simjangsoril deureobwa
Jemeotdaero neol bureujanha
Kkaman eodum sogeseo
Neoneun ireoke bitnanikka"
This man had an accent. Was he British? Or Australian? Namjoon couldn't tell because he was distracted by those smooth curves- (I don't blame you, Shulk looks fine)
Blond-haired British guy then joined a group of teens who were in comfortable clothing like him. And then the chorus happened. That's when Namjoon realized why the music and lyrics were so familiar.
"Geu soneul naemireojwo Save me Save me
I need your love before I fall fall
Geu soneul naemireojwo Save me Save me
I need your love before I fall fall"
"HOLY SHISH KABOB THAT'S OUR SONG!" Jung Jeongguk exclaimed, running in from nowhere.
"Exactly! These anime boys are ripping us off." Jin said.
Well on the plus side, the music was a remastered version. But it sounded so much better than the original...
"...I can't keep watching this," Namjoon sighed, passing the phone back to Jin, who smashed it to the ground.
"Namjoon, Jin broke his phone," Jimin said.
"I FUCKING KNOW THAT!" Jin snapped.
Jimin sniffed and buried his face in Namjoon's chest. "Namjoon, why does everyone hate me?" he whimpered.
Namjoon ruffled his hair. "They don't, we're just angry at these posers," he consoled.
"But seriously man, what are we going to do?" Taehyung asked.
Yoongi clicked his tongue, pulled out a machine gun from under the couch and smirked. "I'll get a flight to America, find these mother fuckers and shoot the living daylights out of them." (shoot me instead Daddy~)
"Yoongi no." Jin warned.
"YOONGI YES!" he cried before charging to his room.
Namjoon shook his head and pulled out his own phone. Maybe he could find these kids on Twitter and tell them to back off?
"What are these guys called again?" he asked Jin.
"10/S." he answered
"It probably stands for something else."
Hours passed and Namjoon was by himself on his laptop, looking on all sorts of social media platforms. He found some of the members and tried texting them but he still hasn't heard back. They had weird names too: Ike, Marth, Link, Shulk- was it common for Americans to have interesting names (hey my actual name is pretty weird so yes)?
But Lady Luck must have been on his side because he found an advertisement for some videogame on a random webpage.
"Super Smash Brothers...?" he read.
Namjoon was about to dismiss it only to realize that one of the characters on the ad looked like one of the members of 10/S. Opening a new tab, he looked up "Link". Sure enough, he looked exactly like the second singing in 10/S. These guys were video game characters?
Thing was, Namjoon had dmed this Link, but he still didn't answer. Probably because his text was pretty rude.
Soon, Namjoon had drained himself out and was ready to pack it in for the evening when he got a friend request on Discord. Huh? Who's was this? The request came from a person by the username @icantread.
Stifling a laugh, Namjoon accepted his request. Let's see what this person wants...
Rap Monster: Hey, can I help u?
In response, he got a voice call. Namjoon picked it up only to be shocked when he saw who it was.
"BIRD BOY!" he blurted out (yeah Pit's a bird).
"Huh? I can't understand you," the boy blinked in confusion.
Oh. This kid was clearly American. Well, at least he didn't realize he was just roasted. Clearing his throat, Namjoon looked the brunette in the eye.
"Sorry, I was spitting out random Korean. I'm Namjoon. You?" he greeted politely in English.
The kid's face lit up. "I'm Pit, servant of the Goddess of Light, Palutena!" he exclaimed.
His name is "Pit"? Like an armpit? Namjoon couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor kid. Because who names their child Pit? Also, what was with that whole Sailor Moon intro?
"N-nice to meet Pit." he stuttered.
Pit gave Namjoon Jimin vibes just by looking at him. He was adorable! No, he didn't have a crush on him. That would be pedophilia, you know?
"How old are you?" Namjoon asked.
"Thirteen," he answered.
Namjoon chuckled and shook his head. "Wow, that's young. But Pit, the internet is a very dangerous place. You shouldn't be giving your personal info to strangers. They can use it to find where you live and hurt you." Namjoon warned.
"But everyone knows I'm thirteen. In fact, it's in Divinipedia (that's the Kid Icarus Wiki)."
For real? Wow, its surprising he doesn't have a stalker yet.
"So um Pit, I was wondering, are you part of 10/S?" Namjoon asked finally getting to the point.
"Yep!" he answered.
"Well, do you know the group Bangtan?" Namjoon slowly asked.
"Do you know BTS?"
"Of course I do! They inspired us!"
"Well, I'm the lead rapper of the group."
Pit gasped. "For real?!" he exclaimed, his eyes all anime like.
"Yep. I'm Rap Monster." Namjoon said with a smile.
Namjoon wasn't sure what exactly happened, but Pit practically disappeared. That's when a boy with black hair, scarlet eyes, black hipster glasses, a black t shirt, khaki shorts and shadowy teal wings ran in.
"Pit, are you all right?!" the other dude exclaimed.
Pit held a thumbs up to the screen. Shaking his head, the other bird boy lifted Pit up bridal style. Sure enough, Pit had wings too, but they were white.
"Just what are you doing?" the dark winged kid asked.
"R-R-Rap M-M-Monster." he managed to say pointing to the screen.
At this, Namjoon burst out laughing. Poor kid was star-struck. He must have fallen off his chair when he realized who he actually was. It was cute though.
Confused, the other boy gently placed Pit on the bed and sat down in front of the screen. "Who the fuck are you and why are you trying to seduce my boyfriend (it's Yoongi's new friend!)?"
Wow. Rude much?
"Good question, who the fuck are you and why are you swearing at a person you just met?" Namjoon asked with a dark smile.
"My reaction exactly."
The dark winged kid was stunned. He shook his head and crossed his arms. "Just tell me who you are."
"Namjoon," he answered.
"Nam-who?" the dark winged kid repeated.
"For the love of- Rap Monster."
The dark winged kid slowly nodded in understanding. Well, he clearly knew who he was messing with now.
"And what about you Four Eyes?" Namjoon sassed. Thank Yoongi, he's been teaching him a thing or two.
"F-four Eyes?! My name is Dark Pit! Gods, Pittoo was bad enough!" he complained.
"Ah." Namjoon said nodding finally understanding. This brat was the rapper who replaced Yoongi's part.
"Why do you guys have wings?" Namjoon asked.
"Bitch, we're angels,"
This. Fucking. Kid.
Well, now that that was out of the way, time to ask them to stop stealing BTS's content-
A scream was heard as the sounds of gunfire emerged. Standing in the door's entrance was the salty devil himself, Yoongi who was blowing the smoke off the machine gun.
"YOONGI GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE BEFORE THE COPS CATCH US!" another familiar voice cried. This one was no other than Jin who had tackled the salty child and was wrestling the gun out of Yoongi's hands.
"THEY NEVER WILL I TOOK A PRIVATE JET! SCREW CORONA!" Yoongi laughed.
"What the fuck is going on here?!" an albino who had a couple bullet wounds in him demanded.
"THE FUCKING COPS ARE ALREADY HERE!" Jin raged.
"Hey guys why does this idol have a gun?" Sheik asked in a bored tone.
Everyone froze. They stared at the Sheikah who was picking up the fallen bullets off the ground.
"ARMY THIEF!" Yoongi yelled before chasing Sheik down the hall.
"Oh look it's Suga and that other guy!" Pit exclaimed while getting up to watch the commotion.
"The hell are these guys saying?" Dark Pit asked as they were screaming in Korean<./p>
Namjoon was still stunned by what was going on. Oh boy, what shall he ever do?
RIP Sheik. Also if you didn't figure it out, my bias is Suga.