If someone had said to Q that after a certain menace of a 00-agent had gone away — hopefully forever — would come back into his life causing troubles again just after five months... Q had to create to R, her personal catbot that could change into a ticking bomb at any treat (don't ask).
What really surprised Q the most was that the man come back with the Aston Martin intact and without a scratch. And after every mission — that surprisingly weren't completely disastrous — his kit would come back intact and the agent with blood on his suit but it would never be his. Not much like before.
That surprised M too. And Moneypenny. And Tanner. And Medical.
No one knew what actually happened while Bond was away in those five months and why he really come back without the Sexy Doctor. And no one asked. Because it wasn't anyone's business.
And if someone would had said to Q that almost a year after the agent's return, they would happen to be assigned an undercover mission together as a married couple, Q would have laughed his arse off his comfortable office chair.
But here he was, at a fancy party, organized by one of their rich neighbors. It was actually a barbecue but with waiters and cooks.
He and Bond were there to discover which one of them was the dangerous drug dealer among those rich and bored people.
Q had made special bugs that would camouflage themselves with the ambient they were put on and — if discovered — would self-destruct, but all the data they got would be transmitted and saved on the boffin's personal laptop.
He put ten of them all around the house and in the garden where all the guests had been welcomed. He was listening with his almost invisible and really tiny earpiece, when Q picked up two familiar female voices that where talking about him and Bond.
“Believe me, Bev! They are on a break or something, because I live in the house beside their and I never heard them have sex!” almost shouted Cynthia Jenkins, Bond and Q's neighbor to her friend Beverly Jones. One the gold wife of the rich business man Mark Jenkins and the other the wife of the famous writer Leery Jones, he and Bev were the owner of the house and the host of the party. The four of them were they're major suspects.
At those words Q almost choked on his drink and Bond, that was by his side with an arm around his waist, asked if everything was fine. Q just nodded and continued to listen while Bond returned to his conversation with other two man that were probably suspects.
“Oh, come on now, Cynt! They're probably not that much vocal. Or they are but you are not at home when they are at it.” answered Beverly taking a sip of her Manhattan.
“Bev... How can you not be vocal while having someone like that blond piece of British meat on top of you pounding you into the bed. I can't even look at him without wishing that he would take me up and fuck me senseless for the entire weekend.” exclaimed Cynthia.
This time Q got so red that Bond actually looked concerned about him.
“Darling, is something wrong?” Bond asked him. — Yes, the man started call him Darling or little kitten around those people. — The agent took Q's drink out of his hand to sniff at it, so he could know if some kind of substance that could attend to his Quartermaster's life would have ended up in it. But there was nothing even after he took a sip of it.
“Awwww, look how cute they are together! How can you say that they are on a break or something?! You can see how Mr Bond loves his husband just by the way he look at Quincy. I wish Lee would still look at me like I'm the only person in the world like them look at each other.” said Beverly to Cynthia.
Q wished the ground would open under his feet and eat him. How could they say things like those without actually knowing them?
Bond started to caress the boffin's arm up and down in the most slow and tempting way, hoping Q would stop being so red and tell him what was wrong with him.
“Q, darling, do you want to go home?” asked Bond pulling Q into his arms and holding him like he was the most precious thing in the world.
Damnit Bond and his perfect acting skills.
“No, it's fine. It's nothing.” said Q trying to get out of the blond's hold.
Bond didn't let him go and, putting a hand under the younger man chin, making him look into his eyes. “If there was something wrong — anything — you would tell me, wouldn't you, Darling?” whispered Bond on his lips making Q shiver.
“O-of course.” stuttered the boffin trying to get a little bit of control back.
“Good.” said Bond before kissing Q's mouth so lightly, it was like a feather touched his lips.
Bond turned back to the two men with which he was talking before Q started acting strange, and the boffin could hear again the two women on the other part of the garden cooing at the scene.
Q cursed M for putting him in this mission with James Bloody Bond.
The day after the party, Bond and Q were preparing dinner for their MI6 guests that were on their way there to pay them a visit or the weekly mission report. It was more secure for them going to the two field agents posting as friends of the couple then the other way around.
That evening M, Tanner, Moneypenny and R arrived early then usual.
“So... Something new to tell us, Quartermaster?” asked Moneypenny while helping Q cut the carrots. She and R insisted on helping him while Bond cooked the pasta and Tanner and M were talking with the agent, asking questions about the mission and what he had found out on their suspects.
Q was working on the kitchen island that was a little bit far from the kitchen and the other three man that were talking, so they couldn't hear what he and the two women were talking about.
“Nothing new. It's like this mission isn't going anywhere useful.” sighed Q.
“Yesterday you two went to that party. How was it?” asked R while assembling the salad making it look like she was working on one of the Q-Branch's gadgets.
“Q, do you know where we put the wine for tonight?” asked Bond getting the Quartermaster's attention and — thankfully — giving him a chance in not answering his minion's question.
“Fridge, second shelf.” answered Q.
Another thing Q couldn't believe about James Bond, was how he liked to cook and bake. Yes, bake. He liked to bake all kind of cakes and sweets Q liked. After discovering about Q's sweet tooth every day he made something new for him.
Who would ever said that James Bond could be the perfect Househusband! Their roles in this mission were simple: Q being the smart computer genius that invested in a lot of tech companies and Bond being his bodyguard/husband/secretary.
No one would thing that an adrenaline addicted like Bond could do domestic and actually enjoy it. What happened with Doctor Swann that didn't work? What happened that changed the agent so much?
Q was sure that this time she was the one for Bond.
“Such a domestic duo...” murmured Moneypenny under her breath.
“Sorry?” asked Q looking away from the man and returning to his ministration of cutting the carrots.
“R asked how was the party yesterday night, Quartermaster.” said Eve smirking at the light blush that was colouring the dark haired man cheeks.
“Boring. Full of selfish rich people that likes to chit chat about other people.” said the boffin with a little bit of venom in his voice.
“Why? Someone said something about you, boss?” asked R stealing one of the carrots and starting to cut it.
“No. But the wives of two of our suspects like to put their noses in other people business.” explained Q.
“That's something every rich person would do at a party, Q. Something say to me that they said something on you or Bond that you didn't like.” said Moneypenny eating a strawberry that was on a plate on the center of the kitchen island.
“You can tell us what made you mad, boss” said R squeezing the Quartermaster's hand that didn't hold a knife.
“It's stupid.” said Q blushing.
“Now I want to know! What is it?” asked in a hissed whisper Moneypenny.
Q put the knife down and made sure that the other three men weren't listening.
“Our neighbor said that she thought me and Bond are on a break or something because she hasn't heard us have sex since the day we transferred here. She said something on the line like 'How can you not be vocal when you have that kind of British meat on top of you' I think she was searching some kind of excuse to get to bang Bond. But... Seriously! Is she always in her garden hoping to hear us doing it like bunnies or something?” asked Q outraged.
R and Moneypenny could stop themselves from laughing loudly getting the other three men attentions and made the poor boffin blush from his hairline till his neck.
“What is it that made you two laugh so much?” asked Bond taking the carrots away from them and looking at Q with a worried expression on his face, remembering how the boffin was of the same color the night before.
“Where you heard her say that?” asked Moneypenny between tiers and breathless chuckles.
“Hear who say what?” asked M.
“Nothing, sir. It's nothing that concern the mission in any ways.” answered Q.
“Boss, I think it does.” said R regaining control of herself. “Your neighbor is the wife of one of the major suspects. If she doubt about yours and Bond's relationship, the entire mission is compromised.” continued the minion turning serious.
“What have you heard last night at the party, Q?” asked Bond circulating the island and going by the boffin's side.
Q sighed. “Our neighbor, Cynthia, believe that we are on a break or not actually together because she doesn't hear us have sex.” answered Q not looking down not daring to look into the eyes of anyone in the room.
Tanner coughed awkwardly while M looked a little bit pale.
“She doesn't believe that we are a couple because she doesn't hear us have sex?” asked Bond making Moneypenny and R almost laugh again.
“I take that the two of you are going to find a way to resolve this before it goes out of your hands, agents.” said M without looking at them finding the countertop of the island really interesting.
“Like what? Of course not with an Honeypot." said R.
“Actually it could work.” said Q getting everyone to look at him with confused expressions.
“If Bond bed her, he can have all the information that we need on Mark Jenkins.” explained Q.
“Yeah... But what about your cover?” asked Tanner.
“He could say to her that we have an open relationship.” said Q.
“No. Absolutely not.” almost shouted Bond, taking everyone by surprise.
Another thing that changed when Bond got back was that, on his missions, he always got the right informations without actually bedding any of his marks like he used to do.
“Why?” asked Q raising an eyebrow and putting a hand on his hip.
"Because if she let that little lie slip to her husband, he's going to try and get you into his bed.” explained Bond putting on of his hand on the boffin's other hip.
“The hell are you talking about, Bond?!” asked Q alarmed.
“Why do you think I told you to put your bugs around the place last night at the party and never left your side? He has his eyes on you.” answered Bond almost exasperated.
“Q can do that. He could find some information from Mark Jenkins while you take care of the wife. It's not like Q's first Honeypot on a mission.” said Moneypenny.
“What?” Bond asked incredulous.
“Q was a 00-agent before becoming the Quartermaster, Bond. Who do you think replaced your 007 status when you were 'dead' before the Skyfall thing?” explained Moneypenny.
“He did what?!” asked Bond shocked at the new information about his Quartermaster.
“I read his file and my predecessor chose Q to replace you after two months your departure, Bond. That's why I chose him to accompany you in this mission.” explained M.
“He was really good but after the bomb, the death of Boothroyd and your return. M thought it was better to put him on the role of Quartermaster for his knowledge of technology and good ideas about new gadgets for the agents.” Said Tanner.
“Actually it was Boothroyd who insisted that I should be the next Q after he retired, but then he died and M wanted to grant his last wish anyway.” corrected Q in his best Quartermaster's voice.
Bond couldn't believe it. “This doesn't change anything.” said the blond while getting back to the kitchen to see if the pasta was done or not. “He isn't going to risk his life doing an Honeypot with a dangerous man. We're gonna figure out some other thing about the wary wife.” with that the case was closed and they all got to the table while Bond served dinner.
That night Bond couldn't sleep. The idea that Q was once a double-o agent shocked him so much but at the same time turned him on and he couldn't explain why.
The young man was beautiful and the most interesting creature Bond as ever meet. That was said without questions.
With his permanent sex hair, the green Bambi eyes and the thin body. He looked like a creature of the forest, pure and extremely interesting but, at the same time, impossible to touch.
Q was the 'why' he left Madeleine Swann and the 'why' he got back to MI6.
He just couldn't stop thinking about the boffin and not only for his features.
Q was a genius, an intriguing being and the sassiest person Bond knew.
No one would believe him if he said that he was in love with the young man.
With his past of failed relationship and numerous conquests. Is addiction for adrenaline and sex with dangerous women. No one would believe that Bond would chose a domestic life with said boffin.
So he just stopped bedding every women that he meet, on and off missions. He was content to have a simple friendship/work relationship with his Quartermaster and loving him in secret.
But then M chose the both of them for this undercover mission as a married couple and Bond thought that he was strong enough to contain himself to not cuddle the younger man every time they were in public or kissing him good night.
They sleep in two different rooms and Bond hates it but for Q he would do this and everything else. He was just so excited to share a bed with the boffin that when Q said that there were two room for each one of them that they could use, Bond wanted to die.
He said goodbye to his fantasy of sharing a bed with the boffin and accidentally cuddling with him in their sleep. He did. But that night he couldn't stop thinking about it. How Q's naked body would look like under the moonlight, the sheets covering his thin hips and long legs, his wild curls scattered on the pillow. Goodbye to the best vision one could wish to fall asleep besides.
So Bond was on his bed looking at the ceiling cursing R for buying that house with two bedroom. He cursed M for putting him with Q in an undercover mission posing as a married couple. He cursed Tanner for not stopping M in putting the Quartermaster on a field mission. He cursed Moneypenny for the numerous smirks and winks at the dinner table while Q moaned around a bit of his steak. And finally Q for being so fucking perfect and irresistible.
Bond would have already see himself begging the Quartermaster to let him at least to cuddle with him on the sofa in front of the TV watching whatever the boffin wanted. He didn't ask much did he?
His thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of footsteps on the wood floor of the living room.
Bond carefully got out of his room and went down the steps following the sound that got him to the open window that overlooked the garden where the pool was.
Bond went there without even a weapon with him and wearing only a pair of pajamas pants, barefoot, no underwear.
He cursed himself. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't think to take some kind of weapon with him and followed the stupid sounds. What if an enemy was there to kill him and Q. Oh God, Q…
That was the thing. In the garden, swimming in the pool under the moonlight, was his Quartermaster all in his naked glory.
“Q... What are you doing naked in the pool in the middle of the night?” Bond didn't know how he found the voice — a little bit horsed — to ask that simple question to the boffin.
The young man in answer got on the board of the pool pulling his wet fringe away from his eyes and looking, with wet eyelashes and the cherry puffy lips opened a fraction so he could breath, at the poor agent.
“Couldn't sleep. You?” asked Q crossing his arms on the board and putting his head on them never taking his piercing big green eyes off the agent.
“Too much thoughts.” answered Bond sitting a few centimeters from the young man.
“About what?” asked Q.
You. But Bond couldn't say that so he opted for something less complicated. “You being a double-o. I can't believe it.” said Bond but then he remembered that they were in the open not inside the house that was soundproof.
Q smirked. “M, the former, insisted that I worked for her as a good and faithful dog like a certain agent before me, with the code name: 007. But I got along well with the previous Q and then Silva happened and... Here we are.”
“We shouldn't talk about those things outside. Not secure.” mentioned Bond.
Q smirked again. “Then get in, 007. So we can talk whispering.” the tone that the young man used was so soft and inviting that Bond didn't think to much of the consequences.
He undressed from his pajamas pants, he got into the pool beside his Quartermaster.
The moment the water touched his skin, he shivered involuntary, and the next Q was very close to him mere inch apart.
Bond pulled the younger man's body flush with his from chest to hips interweaving their legs together. Thanks God the pool had a little sitting area so they wouldn't drown.
“What you wanted to talk about?” The boffin asked caressing the agent's shoulders in lazy caress.
“About your years of being 007...” whispered Bond on the dark haired man's lips.
“Let's just say that I was a little bit more reckless then you, old man.” answered Q guiding his fingers on Bond's jawlines in a sweet caress.
“M probably wanted to kill you too” whispered Bond wishing that he could kiss Q senseless.
“Yeah... She actually threatened to call 006 and make me die in one of all his accidental fires.” said Q, laughing softly.
“Alec wouldn't never” almost growled Bond.
“Of course he wouldn't. He scared of me.” on Q's face appeared a grin that was illuminated by the moonlight letting him look breathtaking.
“You're always mad at me for my reckless ways of doing things and know you say to me you were worst? Really Quartermaster, that's so unprofessional.” Bond couldn't stop himself from trailing kisses down the boffin's neck.
“Maybe it's for that we work so well together...” whispered Q so dangerously close to Bond's ear.
“Who knows what we could do in bed together...” Bond realized what he said only when the man in his arms took his head in his long fingered and delicate hands and looked him in the eyes.
Emerald green into stormy ice.
“Oh, James... I think you would be the only person that I ever had been with that would make me scream their name while I forget mine.” whispered Q before capturing the older man's mouth in a desperate kiss.
Bond was going to die on day, he knew that. But he thought it would happen on the field, during a mission, not in a pool being devoured by a beautiful young man that was kissing the daylight out of his mouth.
“Q... This... For me this, this is not a one time thing, okay? I want this, always. Like everyday that I got to live. Every night I get to see the moon. Till my last breath.” whispered Bond on Q's mouth like a pray.
Q looked at the older man's face and almost fainted. Bond was serious and he could contain how happy he was to hear those words.
“God, yes... I'm yours until you'll destroy me completely. Because we know that's what is going to happen. The two of us are just too dangerous alone... Together we could end the world, would you believe it?” asked Q kissing the man nose and cheeks.
“Or we could let the world be and destroy the bed instead.” said Bond with a smirk.
Q laughed but his laugh died the moment Bond hips collided with his underwater. “Yeah... I think that's better.” said Q before getting away from the blonde embrace and got out of the water.
“Coming, dear?” purred Q putting around himself a big white towel.
Bond got out naked, not carrying to put a towel around himself, and followed the younger man inside until the both of them were in the double-o agent's room.
Bond took the towel off the younger man and then lifted the Quartermaster into his arms and put him down on the bed with Bond on top of him.
He started to play with Q's nipples biting them one at a time and making the boffin moan in ecstasy.
Bond pinned the man's wrists on the bed and looked at him in the eyes.
“Where I go now, Quartermaster?” asked Bond, tone professional but his voice was low and impossible hot, it was like butter was melting on his tongue.
“I want your hands everywhere. I want your mouth on mine and then down... down, down, until you find the little spot between my cheeks and sing poetry to it.” answered Q in his professional posh tone now full of passion and desire.
“I'll show you poetry... You're going to scream my name so much that tomorrow you can't speak and our lovely neighbors, Cynthia and Mark, can't look us in the face for the embarrassment of having heard us.” growled Bond before capturing the Quartermaster's mouth for another mind-blowing kiss.
Bond actually did what Q ordered him to do — a thing that wouldn't never happen on a mission without some bickering — and started a trail of kisses from the young man neck to his collar bone and little soft bite on the boffin's chest, abdomen, hips, inner thighs and legs then he got up again and positioned himself so his mouth was mere inches from Q little ring of muscles between his lovely round cheeks.
The younger man was already a mess for all the little attention that Bond's mouth give to his body. He had his hands in his hair and chanted Bond's name like a pray, asking for more.
“Oh, Darling. You don't know how perfect you look right now. I'm going to fuck you so hard that you're going to forget the binary code and substitute it with my name.” Whispered the blond man on Q's skin before diving between those sweet cheeks and mouthing at Q's entrance.
The moan that the younger man made was really loud, that Bond was sure whoever was out that room or outside the house in the street by the bedroom's window, could have heard it.
“Like that, little kitten. Let them hear your beautiful voice.” almost begged Bond returning to his ministration.
His tongue going deeper and deeper into the tight hole. His hands touching the younger man's member for the first time in a slow caress that got Q growling in frustration.
A choir of 'yes' and 'more' and 'James' got out of the Quartermaster's mouth. He was so desperate for more.
Bond stopped his slow torture and got up looking at the man under him.
“God, darling. You're a vision.” said the blond man before putting his hands on the boffin's thighs. “Where now, Q?” Bond asked again.
After a minute or so, Q got the strength to put his trembling hands on the ones of the older man and guiding them up, in a slow caress, up is abdomen, slowly, so painfully slow.
When Bond's hands were on the Quartermaster's chest, Q took one of his hands and put two of his fingers in his mouth moaning around them and licking from the bottom to the top.
He did that three, four times and then popped them out. “I hope you have some lube with you, agent. You're gonna need it.”
Bond didn't wait for the younger man to repeat himself and took the little bottle form under one of his pillows.
He coated the two fingers that his lover sucked in that lovely and hot mouth of his, with lube and a third one too, by the boffin's order.
Bond wanted to go slow, putting in one at a time, but the man under him was impatient and said he couldn't resist anymore so he put the first two in one go and the boffin moaned louder than before throwing his head back exposing his long and delicious neck to Bond. After scissoring the two fingers in, a few times, Bond put the third in.
The agent worked him open while worshipping Q's neck with kisses and love bites, the kind that would stay for days, while the Quartermaster couldn't say nothing else than the blond's name.
When Bond was sure that Q was ready, he coated his cock too and positioned himself between the boffin's legs.
“Are you ready for me, little kitten?” his voice was so horsed that he was sure that the day after both man wouldn't have their voice anymore.
“Get in me, already, 007!” almost screamed in exasperation Q. “James… take me.”
“As you wish” Bond went in, in on movement, causing the loudest scream of pleasure to get out the Quartermaster's mouth.
When he was completely in, Bond started a slow but firm rhythm with his hips, thrusting in and out, every time a little more slower.
Q was cursing his name and biting at his bottom lip so hard that it almost started bleeding.
“James... yes... James, please more...” pleaded Q pulling at the man trying to hold on his shoulders like his life depended on it.
Bond took pity on him but it was more for the fact that he wanted to go faster too.
So he did and Q's eyes closed on a breathless moan while the older man pounded into him hard and fast hitting that sweet spot inside of him.
“Come on, Darling... I want to hear your voice scream my name.” ordered Bond caging Q's head between his arms putting himself in a position that could help him thrust harder.
Bond kissed and sucked little portions of skin on the boffin's neck and collarbone making the younger man squirm and moan under him.
“James!” screamed Q the moment Bond started to fuck into him harder and faster then before.
“JamesJamesJamesJames!” chanted Q, screaming.
Bond thought that at this rate the neighbors had called the police because he was sure that Q's screams could be heard from the start to the end of the street.
“Like that, darling. Cum while screaming my name, little kitten.” murmured Bond on the boffin's skin.
Q's inside tighten around Bond's member and his guttural growl made the boffin cum all over their abdomens, Bond following him after two more pushes.
When they regained their breaths, they were both on their backs and looking at the ceiling.
“So... Do you remember your name, Quartermaster. Your 'real' name.” asked Bond in a whisper.
“I... Think... I think it was Simon. But I'm not so sure know.” they both laughed at the younger man's words.
“God... I love you, Simon.” confessed Bond holding the younger man in his arms putting a soft kiss on his shoulder.
“I love you too, James.” whispered Q nuzzling under the older man's chin.
The morning after Bond was spread on one of the garden chairs with his sunglasses and swimsuit on and enjoy the sunlight.
Q got out the house with his swimsuit on, half of his chest marked with love bites and two glasses of champagne in both hands.
He sat beside Bond on the long chair giving him a sweet kiss on the lips before offering him one of the glasses.
Their neighbors, Cynthia and Mark, were on their garden that was divided from the one of Q and Bond's by a little enclosure, and looked at them like they grow another head or something.
“Morning, neighbors! I hope we didn't disturbed you last night. I think we got a little carried away.” said Bond pulling Q to his chest while giving a devil may cry smile to the shocked couple.
When Q told Moneypenny and R that him and Bond got together, the two women screamed so loud that the entire Q-Branch thought something bad happened to their boss.
When M and Tanner heard the news, M give Tanner and Moneypenny two weeks of vacation.
Seems like someone lost a bet.