Chapter 1: In Which Palpatine Develops an Intense Hatred of Gizka
Chapter Text
Anakin finds himself gazing at Qui-Gon Jinn’s funeral pyre for the tenth time.
At this point, he is absolutely positive the Force is messing with him.
He resists the urge to rub his temples or curse, since that will only draw the attention of his soon-to-be Master and that will only raise questions. When this first happened, he’d been so startled by the sudden disruption in the Force that he had a near breakdown, and may or may not have tried to stab Palpatine with a branch, and Obi-Wan had to drag him away and spent a good hour trying to calm him down.
This is the tenth time.
This time, Anakin doesn’t try to stab Palpatine with a branch.
No, he’ll wait for now. He’ll permanently deal with Palpatine as soon as he can, as he usually did whenever he found himself back to this point in time.
“Ow!” Palpatine clutches at his head where a giant rock had just smacked him.
“Anakin!” Obi-Wan protests.
“Ani,” Padme scolds.
Anakin just gives them an innocent look. “What? That wasn’t me. I can’t even control this...Force thingie yet,” he says, tilting his head to the side with a wide-eyed innocent expression in his eyes. Inwardly, he is laughing hysterically.
Just because he isn’t going to deal with Palpatine permanently yet, that doesn’t mean that he can’t mess with him until then.
Obi-Wan rubs his temples and turns to gaze at the newly elected Chancellor. “I apologize. Anakin must be grieving very strongly if the Force is lashing out around him right now,” he says.
“Likely so, that is,” Yoda agrees with a nod.
“Children with little training can have the Force lash out around them when they’re feeling particularly strong emotions, like grief,” Mace Windu agrees.
“That is quite all right, Master Jedi,” Palpatine assures them with a fake grandfatherly smile on his lips.
Anakin has the sudden urge to take a tree branch to Palpatine’s face, multiple times, in the hopes of, maybe, smacking that stupid smile off the traitor’s face.
Instead, he turns his gaze back to the pyre and pretends to grieve as he is supposed to.
“Ow!” Palpatine clutches at his head again when a rock that Anakin accidentally—totally on purpose—throws at his head collides with it.
Obi-Wan rubs his head and sighs. “I believe it would be best if Anakin and I retire for the night. I’ll start giving Anakin some lessons on control tonight before he goes to sleep, Masters,” he says to Windu and Yoda.
“Yes, a good idea that would be. Help with his control, meditation will,” Yoda agrees.
Anakin resists the urge to bang his head against the wall behind him.
Meditation. Ugh. He hates meditation.
“Ow!” Palpatine winces as another rock collides with his head.
“Yes, I will give him some lessons on meditation tonight,” Obi-Wan says as he rests a hand on Anakin’s upper back and guides him away from the gathered people.
Anakin smirks inwardly. So worth it.
. . .
Anakin Skywalker never expected anything to happen after he began one with the Force. Even though he had been redeemed, even though his beloved son’s love for him and his love for his beloved son had helped him to come back to the light, it still didn’t feel right for him to be forgiven by everyone he harmed. So he hadn’t expected a grand party or anything like that thrown.
He didn’t get a grand party. But he did get every single Jedi whom he had wronged come up to him and tell him that they had forgiven him, that they had watched his final years and knew that he had truly redeemed himself, had truly come back to the light. While they would never forget what Anakin did, they had been willing to forgive and let it go.
It didn’t feel right.
Even after so long since that happened, even after Anakin watched as his son and daughter grew up, even after he watched over different timelines that detailed different ways that his son and daughter’s lives could have gone, it still didn’t feel right.
He should be happy. Not just that his children were able to grow up and live a life without the shadow of Vader hovering over them but also that the Jedi had been willing to forgive him.
But it didn’t feel right.
And he knew why it didn’t feel right.
He was supposed to be the Chosen One. The one who would bring balance to the Force. Even though he had done that when he killed Palpatine—temporarily if those few timelines he watched over were anything to go by—to save Luke’s life, he had also caused the near destruction of the entire Jedi Order, and the Republic itself.
And it didn’t feel right that everyone would grant him their forgiveness and accept him as their Chosen One.
He just didn’t like it.
He had made so many mistakes, so many wrong decisions.
“You were only human, Anakin. All humans make mistakes.”
Anakin didn’t turn around. He knew who the voice that was speaking to him belonged to but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to see him. Qui-Gon Jinn never seemed to appear in physical form, as the other Jedi did, and only ever spoke to anyone without appearing physically.
“I know,” he said. “But my mistakes caused so much damage. I would do anything to go back and fix those mistakes. I wish I could go back and fix those mistakes.”
“Are you sure that is what you desire?”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
A hmm echoed around him.
“The Force agrees,” said Qui-Gon. “Your wish will be granted.”
“Wait, what? What do you mean my wish will be granted? Qui-Gon? Damn it!” Anakin groaned when Qui-Gon’s voice vanishes and he finds himself engulfed in bright white light.
Naturally, Qui-Gon would leave without answering any of Anakin’s questions.
And, naturally, that meant that Anakin was being thrown into a new situation blind.
Great.
. . .
“Anakin, are you even paying attention?”
Anakin hadn’t been.
It’s late, past midnight, and Obi-Wan has been trying to teach Anakin how to meditate for the past three hours. Anakin’s been spacing the entire time, mostly thinking about when this whole thing started, when he’d been thrown into the past and found out that the Force may have taken his wish to the extreme.
Instead of allowing Anakin to fix his mistakes by sending him back in time, the Force had, instead, thrown Anakin into time itself, with a new ability at that.
Essentially speaking, Anakin is stuck in a loop, with a new ability that he’s used often since he found out about it.
And it always seems to start the night of Qui-Gon Jinn’s funeral.
“Anakin!”
“Huh?” Anakin blinks at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan rubs his temples, a look of frustration on his face. “You aren’t paying attention,” he says. “You need to pay attention, Anakin. If you don’t learn control then you’re going to be accidentally flinging items constantly.”
If all of those items hit Palpatine, I’m all right with that. “Sorry, Master,” he says instead, deciding to just play the part of a new padawan learner for now.
He still doesn’t really pay attention to Obi-Wan’s lesson. He already knows it by heart, since he did have to go through this lesson ten times already—it just ended up happening at different times—but he may as well make it seem like he’s listening.
But, really, he’s just figuring out how to mess with Palpatine this time around while gathering the evidence he needs to prove who Palpatine truly is, for the tenth time.
Honestly. It’s starting to get boring with how many times Anakin has repeated his life. The first time he repeated his life, he’d done everything right. Even though he had still fallen in love with Padme, and married her, he didn’t regret that, since he did truly love Padme and he wanted his son and daughter to have the lives they were meant to have.
When Palpatine revealed himself to be the Sith Lord, Anakin still turned him into the Jedi Council but he didn’t go and help him.
Unfortunately, that was when Anakin discovered that Fives had been correct. The inhibitor chips implanted in each and every clone had Protocol 66 programmed within it, and Palpatine managed to issue the Order after knocking Mace out.
So the second time that Anakin had to repeat his life, he made sure to find all evidence about the inhibitor chips early, thus preventing Fives’ death and preventing Order 66. In that loop, Palpatine actually did die when Mace confronted him.
The third loop was when Anakin decided to reveal Palpatine as soon as he could, and he did when he was nineteen, right before the Clone Wars began, The Clone Wars still ended up happening but with Bail Organa as Chancellor during it, and it hadn’t lasted as long. So that was a good thing.
But it was the fourth loop that Anakin realized that he was really stuck in a time loop of sorts. He had just figured that he could use these loops to fix any mistakes that he made that he hadn’t fixed in a previous loop.
By the tenth loop, the one he is now, he has grown quite tired of constantly repeating his life.
It’s starting to get annoying.
And he is still one-hundred-percent positive the Force is messing with him.
Well, I already know what I’m going to do. Expose Palpatine for who he truly is, try to prevent the Clone Wars from occurring, marry Padme, and make sure I don’t repeat any mistakes. But...I’m really tired of reliving my life constantly. If I’m stuck repeating my life constantly, I may as well have some fun with it.
And he should also think about that new ability that he found out he also had at his disposal now that he is stuck in time. But he’ll do that later.
“Anakin, where are you going?” Obi-Wan demands as Anakin jumps to his feet.
A grin steals its way onto Anakin’s lips. “Out,” he says simply and jogs out of the apartment before Obi-Wan can stop him.
He has no doubt that his master is going to follow him.
That’s fine. He’s going to have some fun with this life, as he usually does.
. . .
Twelve Years Later
Anakin, laughing hysterically, darts down the hallway of the Jedi Temple with an irritated Obi-Wan Kenobi darting after him, his pink robes billowing behind him. “Hey, pink’s a good look for you, Master,” he shouts over his shoulder.
Obi-Wan huffs in irritation. “How did you even manage to do this to all of our robes, except yours and Ahsoka’s?” he demands.
“I’m just lucky like that,” Anakin chirps cheerfully and darts around the corner, barely managing to sidestep to avoid running into Mace. The result is Obi-Wan, who had been pretty close behind Anakin, to crash into Mace, sending the two of them tumbling in a tangle of pink robes and limbs.
Anakin burst out laughing again.
“Skywalker, why do I have this feeling you’re the one behind this?” Mace says, gazing irritably at Anakin as he and Obi-Wan struggle to untangle themselves.
“Because we all know that he is the one behind this,” Obi-Wan deadpans. “He’s always behind the weird things that have been going on in the Temple in the past twelve years.”
Anakin shrugs. He can’t deny that. He’s been having a lot of fun the past twelve years, even putting off revealing who Palpatine was just so he can keep messing with him, and the reactions of the Jedi Order when he messes with them are priceless so he is not exactly going to stop with that anytime soon.
I gotta say I do sort of like being stuck in time, or whatever the kriff it is the Force stuck me in, he thinks.
“Um, Master, why are Obi-Wan and Master Windu glaring at you?” Ahsoka asks as she joins the three of them in the hallway, her arms folded across her chest.
Anakin beams at the sight of his padawan. One of the changes that he always makes when he repeats his life is that he ensures that Barriss is captured and tried for being the mastermind behind the bombing of the Jedi Temple before Ahsoka can be arrested for it.
Honestly, some of the tricks that he’s been pulling on the Jedi Council are petty revenge for how they treated Ahsoka after the bombing of the Jedi Temple.
Well, that and a lot of other bantha shit that they pulled throughout the many years that Anakin had lived with them.
Really, he is just having way too much fun messing with the Jedi Council.
“Master Windu! Master Kenobi! We’ve got...” Shaak Ti yelps as she trips over Windu and Obi-Wan, who were failing to untangle themselves, and crashes on top of them, crushing Windu beneath the two of them.
Anakin doubles over with howls of hysterical laughter escaping his lips.
“Master! Stop laughing like an idiot and help me,” Ahsoka says, planting her hands on her hips but her eyes shimmer with amusement.
“What can I say? It’s funny,” Anakin says as he finally manages to calm his laughter.
“It. Is. Not,” Obi-Wan grunts.
“Well, not for you three, I suppose, but it’s still funny. And I would help, Snips, but I’ve got something I gotta do,” Anakin says.
“What do you have to do?” Ahsoka says, raising an eyebrow.
Anakin hums, tilting his head to the side. “Do you think the pet shop sells gizka?” he asks.
“I don’t see why not. Why?”
Anakin grins. “No reason,” he says.
“I know that grin,” Obi-Wan says with a grimace as he and Shaak Ti struggle to get up, and stop crushing Windu beneath them. “And I worry. I worry a lot.”
“Same,” Ahsoka, who’s trying to help Ti up, says with a nod.
Anakin just whistles innocently as he strides off.
. . .
“Ah, Anakin, my boy, what brings you here?” Palpatine asks as Anakin makes his way into the Chancellor’s office with a cage held in one hand. “And why are you carrying a pet carrier around? Did you get yourself a pet? Aren’t Jedi not allowed to have pets?”
“Well, we’re not allowed to have possessions or anything that we can be attached to, which is stupid, so I guess pets count in that category,” Anakin says with a shrug as he puts the carrier on the ground. “Nah, I’m doing someone a favor. That’s all.”
Palpatine smiles that grandfatherly smile that Anakin still wants to smack off with a computer module. Kriff the branch. That’ll break too easily. “It has been some time since I last spoke with you, Anakin,” he says. “I’m glad that you took some time out of your day to come and visit.”
“Sorry, Chancellor, I’ve been busy. The war and all,” Anakin says simply. It’s not exactly a lie. Anakin hadn’t been able to really stop the war this time—it seems that the war will always happen, no matter how early on Palpatine is revealed as the Sith Lord, and that is annoying to say the least—so he is just making due with what he has.
“Understandable, my boy. You are creating quite a reputation for yourself,” Palpatine says as he rises to his feet and walks around his desk. He comes to a stop in front of Anakin and rests a hand on his shoulder.
Anakin resists the urge to throw Palpatine over his head into the wall behind him.
“I suppose so,” he says.
A beep sounds and Anakin pulls out his comlink with his free hand, activating it and raising an eyebrow upon seeing a frustrated Obi-Wan hovering above the link. “Why do you look so pissed off, Master?” he asks.
“Anakin, we just received a rather...interesting bill,” says Obi-Wan. “Anakin, why the blazes did you buy an entire family of gizka? And then have the store bill the Jedi Order?”
“Do you know how expensive these little cretins are, Master? I couldn’t exactly afford to buy them on my own,” says Anakin with a shrug as he put the carrier down, using the Force to subtly unlock the carrier.
“That doesn’t answer why you felt the need to buy gizka. Do you know that if you buy a male and a female, they bred like crazy?”
“They do? How interesting. I didn’t even know you knew about the breeding habits of gizka, Master. What other random pieces of information do you know? Seriously. I’m actually really curious.” And he is. Why does Obi-Wan know that gizka breed as fast as they do?
Obi-Wan’s eye twitches. “My point is that you need to take those gizka back to the pet shop! And, for goodness sake, do not let them out of that carrier!”
Anakin glances down at the carrier, with the door standing ajar, and gizka swarming the entire area. Palpatine stares with wide-eyed surprise at the number of gizka that are swarming around his office floor.
“Ah...a little late for that, Master,” Anakin says.
“Anakin...where are you?”
“Oh just visiting my dear friend the Chancellor.”
“...”
Palpatine continues to stare in shock at the gizka that are roaming his office floor.
“Um, I think the Chancellor’s in shock. Gotta go, Master. I’ll talk to you when I get back to the Temple. Bye.” Anakin hangs up and waves a hand in front of Palpatine’s face, trying to get a reaction but Palpatine seems to be in too much shock that he isn’t responding.
Ah well. I tried. Granted, he hadn’t tried very hard but whatever. It’s not like he really cares.
He turns and jogs out of the office.
He makes it about halfway down the hallway before a screech of frustration erupts from the Chancellor’s office.
He laughs hysterically the entire walk back to the Jedi Temple.
. . .
Palpatine is twitching the next time that Anakin sees him.
He supposes he can understand why. The swarm of gizka that had been accidentally—totally on purpose—released in his office had multiplied, big time, to the point where it’s virtually impossible to step in the office and not step on a gizka.
Which is why Anakin is currently standing just inside the office, deciding not to subject the rest of the Senate Building to the gizka so he makes sure the door stays close.
Palpatine is practically pinned at his desk, looking like he is trying hard to control himself. He probably wants to blast all of them with Force lightning, or throw them all out the window, but is restraining himself because Anakin’s there. And Anakin isn’t supposed to know that Palpatine is capable of using the Force.
“Anakin, my boy, hello,” Palpatine greets.
Anakin had to admit he is impressed that Palpatine is able to keep his voice calm and level in spite of the permanent tick that seems to have appeared above his brow. “Hi Chancellor. I can’t exactly get any closer. I don’t really want to step on these poor gizka. I thought you got them all out of your office last week,” he says.
“I thought I did too,” Palpatine says grimly. “But there ended up being an entire family in the vents that the pest control I called hadn’t found, until this happened.”
Anakin had to bit the inside of his cheek to keep from snickering. “Ah, well, I suppose I can always come back later,” he says and, turning, vanishes out the door, quickly closing the door behind him so that no gizka can get out.
He is positive Palpatine had just shouted at him to come back but he doesn’t really care.
He whistles as he walks away, pausing upon seeing Padme and Senator Organa making their way toward him. “Oh hello Senator Amidala, Senator Organa, what brings you here?” he asks.
“We were hoping to ask the Chancellor a question, Master Skywalker,” Bail says.
“Ah, I see. I wouldn’t disturb him right now, Senator. He is quite...indisposed at the moment,” Anakin says, still fighting the urge to burst out laughing.
“Any idea why, Anakin?” Padme asks.
“His gizka problem is back.”
Padme and Bail exchange glances.
“We don’t want those gizka to swarm the entire Senate Building,” Bail says. “And, unfortunately, we cannot let them out of Chancellor Palpatine’s office or else that is exactly what will happen.”
“I thought the pest control got all of them last week,” Padme says puzzled.
“They missed a family in the vents.” Anakin decides not to mention that he may, or may not, have relocated a family of gizka to the vents before pest control had been called.
“I suppose we can always contact the Chancellor through holocom,” says Padme. “The last thing we need is for gizka to be roaming around the Senate Building. I know there are a few Senators who are allergic to gizka.”
“There are?” Anakin says.
“Senator Burtoni of Kamino found out that she’s allergic to gizka on accident when she went to speak with Chancellor Palpatine last week,” Padme admits. “She’s all right but I’ve never seen a Kaminoan get as red as she did, and she complained about itching everywhere for three days.”
“She did, huh?” Anakin smirks inwardly. He never has liked Burtoni, not since he found out the truth about the inhibitor chips and that Burtoni is one of those that doesn’t see the clones as people but rather as property. It irks him. No, it makes his blood boil at the thought of the clones being little more than property, little more than slaves, just as he had been growing up.
He may enjoy messing with Palpatine each time that he has to repeat his life. He may as well mess with someone else for a change.
. . .
“Ani! Mesa so happy to see you.”
Anakin’s eye twitches upon seeing the annoying Gungan that is making his way toward him. He may not hold any resentment or hostility toward Jar-Jar, as in he doesn’t want to stab him as much as he wants to stab Palpatine, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t find him annoying.
“Jar-Jar,” he deadpans.
“What brings yousa here, Ani?” Jar-Jar asks, peering over Anakin’s shoulder at the door that leads into Senator Burtoni’s office. “Why yousa visiting the Senator Burtoni?”
“Oh she asked me to stop by to ask me a question. That’s all. C’mon, Jar-Jar, should you be with Senator Amidala?” Anakin asks as he walks away from Senator Burtoni’s office, Jar-Jar spinning, and nearly losing his balance but managing to stay on his own two feet, and quickly hurrying after him.
“Mesa was with the Senator, Ani, but mesa saw yousa leaving Senator Burtoni’s office and mesa decided to see what yousa were doing,” Jar- Jar says.
“Well, now you know. Go ahead and get back to Padme, Jar-Jar. I think there’s a Senate meeting soon, right?”
“Oh, yes, yes! A Senate Meeting is about to happen. Mesa better hurry!” Jar-Jar turns and runs off, tripping over his own two feet and face-planting the floor. He just jumps back to his feet, shakes it off, and keeps on running.
Anakin wonders how often that happens.
He decides that he really doesn’t care
A shriek erupts from Burtoni’s office.
Well, that’s my cue.
Anakin strides toward the entrance to the Jedi Temple, ignoring the clones and security guards that are rushing to Senator Burtoni’s office.
. . .
“Um, sir, what did you do?”
Anakin raises an eyebrow at Fives’ words as he scrolls through the data that is gliding across the screen of his datapad. “Why do you automatically assume that I did something, Fives?” he asks.
“Because I know that look in your eyes, sir. That’s the look of a schemer. Respectfully speaking, sir, I know you’re up to something,” Fives says, his helmet tucked under his arm.
Anakin shrugs as he leans back in his seat, tossing the datapad up and catching it. “Guess I’m just trying to figure out how best to spread this information this time,” he says.
“This time?”
“Don’t worry about it, Fives. Anyway, since you were the one who first uncovered it, what do you say we should do with it? Spread it all across the HoloNet and just let the media tear the Chancellor and the Kaminoans to shreds?” Anakin had done that in his fifth life.
It had been incredibly amusing to watch Palpatine attempt to regain his lost support when the media went absolutely ballistic at the thought of the clones being slaves and being programmed to actually kill the Jedi if a single person made the order.
Plus revealing Palpatine is the Sith Lord Sidious who secretly engineered the entire war had just been the icing on the cake.
“That would be a good way to get the news out but will anyone believe it?” Fives asks uncertainly.
They did in my fifth life, and in the lives following that. Eh, it’s getting repetitive. Should probably think of something new. Oh. I have an idea… “True. Well, I have an idea.”
“What kind of idea is that?”
Anakin grins.
“I have a bad feeling about that grin, General. A really bad feeling.”
. . .
Palpatine is angry.
No, he’s absolutely pissed, so pissed that he doesn’t seem to realize that he’s lashing out with the Force.
Anakin watches as another chair shatters against the wall, in the exact same spot that the last chair had shattered against the wall. “Huh, you’ve got better coordination than I thought,” he says.
“Not now, Anakin,” Palpatine growls, glaring at the headline that is floating in front of him.
Clones Rights Act Passed Before the Senate by Majority Vote.
“No need to get upset, Chancellor,” Anakin says with a shrug as he leans against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. “Now the clones can have the right to vote, the right to do as they wish, the right to the free will that they should have always had since they’re just as human as you and I,” he says.
Another chair crashes into the wall and shatters.
“And that chair nearly hit me in the face, by the way, Chancellor. You should really work on your aim,” Anakin adds.
“Not. Now, Anakin!” Palpatine growls.
Anakin shrugs. “Have it your way. Oh, by the way, did you read the entire article? Did you know that the clones had inhibitor chips implanted in their brains? How messed up is that? Glad that all of the clones had the inhibitor chips taken out of their heads. That’s such a relief. Now they can be their own people,” he says and strides out of the office, waiting for a moment after the door closes and snickering upon hearing the howl of absolute fury that explodes in the office.
. . .
Anakin stands before the Jedi Council, again. Seriously, tenth time, and it’s still the same. It’s always the same. Well, actually, today it’s different but that’s only because everyone is still a bit baffled by the colorful mural that is painted on the windows of the High Council Chamber.
Anakin has to admit that he loves that piece of artwork. The next time he jumps to Lothal during the Rebellion, he is definitely going to get some more tips from Sabine.
But that’s then. This is now.
“Did this, did you, Skywalker?” Yoda asks, gesturing with his gimer stick at the mural.
It’s a depiction of a fight that occurred over thirty five hundred years ago between the Sith and the Jedi on Tython.
“Yup,” Anakin says.
“How did you manage to do something this complicated in such a short amount of time?” Kit asks, studying the mural curiously.
Anakin shrugs. “It actually took me three weeks. I just switched out the windows last night with the one with the mural on it,” he says.
“Where’s the other window?” Mace asks.
Anakin grins.
. . .
“Why is there a random large window in the middle of my office?” Palpatine exclaims, staring at the window that is placed at the heart of his office.
“I do not know, sir,” Mas Amedda says.
A beep beep sounds and Palpatine’s eyes widen upon seeing the thermal detonators that are placed on the window. He and Mas Amedda quickly dart through the door they had just come throw and throw themselves in the hallway right as the thermal detonators exploded, spraying glass shards and debris in all directions.
. . .
“I have a very bad feeling about that grin,” Obi-Wan says gravelly. “A really bad feeling.”
“You know Fives said the same thing right before I told him about my Clone Rights Act plan,” Anakin muses. “All of my plans work, you know?”
“Yes, they work, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t worry because we do, a lot at that.”
“True. Anyway, why am I here again?” Anakin knows but it’s always fun to make them think that he doesn’t, because they get that annoyed twitch in their eyes.
“We have agreed to the Chancellor’s request to allow you to serve as his personal representative on the Jedi Council,” says Windu.
“Yeah, thanks, and all that. Do I have to accept? ‘Cause the Chancellor didn’t even talk to me about this whole thing,” Anakin grumbles, folding his arms across his chest.
Windu and the rest of Council members exchange glances.
“He didn’t?” Saesee Tiin says in surprise. “He told us that he spoke to you at length about it when you went to visit him yesterday.”
Anakin frowns. “Well, I did go and visit him yesterday but...I’m pretty sure I’d been distracted by...everything else but what that old man was saying so I missed everything he said. I reiterate, do I have to?” he asks.
“The Chancellor did specifically request it, and we did agree,” Windu says.
Anakin rolls his eyes. “Fine,” he says.
“However, we do not...”
“...grant you the rank of Master or its privileges. Yadda yadda yadda. Yeah, I don’t even need all that shit anyway. I am not ready to be a master, especially given the jungle wampa that I let loose in the Room of a Thousand Fountains.”
“It is very mature of you to admit that you are not ready...wait, what do you mean by jungle wampa that you let loose in the Room of a Thousand Fountains?!” Plo Koon exclaims.
“Hey, Chestnut’s tamed. He won’t harm anyone. I made sure that Chestnut knows that the younglings are to be protected and they absolutely adore him,” says Anakin with a shrug.
Obi-Wan buries his face into the palms of his hands.
“When did you learn how to tame a jungle wampa?” Windu asks, raising an eyebrow.
Anakin shrugs. “You’d be surprised at what you learn when you actually read while in the Jedi Archives,” he says.
Windu and the rest of the group exchange glances before Windu lets loose a breath. “We’ll handle that matter later. For now, let us focus on the war effort,” he says and gestures toward one of the Council chairs.
Anakin strides over to the chair and flops onto it, ignoring the looks that he is receiving from the rest of the Councilors.
They start discussing the war and Anakin listens with half an ear as they bring up the matter of Kashyyyk and Utapau, the latter planet is where they tracked Grievous too. Anakin doesn’t even protest when they suggest Obi-Wan goes. It’s not like he has to worry too much about Obi-Wan fighting Grievous, since he has beaten him every single time in the past nine lives that Anakin has lived.
Yoda goes to Kashyyyk. No one protests.
“Say hi to Chewbacca if you see him, Master Yoda,” Anakin says.
Yoda gives him an amused look. “If meet with Chewbacca I do then pass on your greeting I will,” he says.
“How do you even know a Wookiee?” Stass Allie asks.
Anakin shrugs. It’s not like he can tell anyone about the time he jumped into the future and met both Chewbacca and Han Solo not long after the destruction of the first Death Star.
That had been fun, especially seeing everyone’s reaction when they found out that there had been a second Death Star floating around somewhere.
. . .
“Anakin?”
“Yeah?” Anakin glances at Obi-Wan as he falls into step beside him.
“I wanted to talk with you about something,” Obi-Wan says.
“Is this about the Council wanting me to spy on the Chancellor?”
Obi-Wan stumbles and probably would have face-planted the window had Anakin not caught his arm. “How…?” he begins.
Anakin rolls his eyes. “They would have never approved the appointment if they didn’t want something out of the deal. It was pretty obvious. It doesn’t really matter to me, though I suspect I won’t be able to get close to the Chancellor anytime soon.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I just received word that the Senate Building is on lockdown because someone tried to blow up the Chancellor.”
“They...what?”
Anakin shrugs, inwardly wishing that his plan had actually worked to blow Palpatine up. Crafty bastard really must have nine kriffing lives or something. “Yeah, someone tried to blow up Palpatine so they have the entire building on lockdown while they’re looking for the culprit,” he says. “I’ll go and speak with him once everything calms down though.”
“I see...” Obi-Wan studies him. “You seem...different, Anakin.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s been something that I’ve noticed over the course of the past several years,” Obi-Wan says. “You just seem very flippant and carefree and yet still serious and cunning when you need to be. I thought I knew you well and yet you are acting rather...out of character in comparison with what I thought I knew.”
Anakin smiles softly, sadly at his former master. If there is anyone in the galaxy that Anakin wishes he can have at his side while he’s stuck in his predicament, he wishes it would be Obi-Wan, and maybe Ahsoka too.
But he knows better than to make another wish of the Force.
The last wish landed him in his current predicament after all.
“Don’t worry about it, Master,” he says. “It’s nothing to worry about, not really. Just go and kick Grievous’s ass. I know you can beat him, and don’t be afraid to take a blaster to his head even if it is an uncivilized weapon.” He pats Obi-Wan on the shoulder before turning and walking away.
. . .
Anakin gazes around the charred remnants of Palpatine’s office and raises an eyebrow. “Well, I’m pretty sure this took care of your gizka problem, huh?” he says, turning his gaze to an irritated Palpatine.
“I suppose so,” Palpatine replies through gritted teeth.
“You seem upset?”
“No, no, not upset, not at all.” Palpatine is still speaking through gritted teeth like he is repressing the urge to break something.
“Oh, well, okay. So you wanted to speak to me?”
“Yes, my boy. Please, come in,” says Palpatine as he walks over to join Anakin. “You do trust me, right?”
Nope. Not at all. “Yeah, sure,” Anakin says.
Palpatine raises an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound very convincing,” he says.
“I get that a lot.” Anakin leans against the wall and folds his arms across his chest. “So what’s this all about anyway? Got some big ol’ secret that you wanna reveal?”
Palpatine frowns. “You seem so sure about that, Anakin,” he says.
“I like to think that I’m a good reader of people.”
“I see. Well, I do happen to have something that you may wish to have. I can give you anything that you want.”
“Nah.”
“Nah? What do you mean ‘nah’?”
“I mean nah, nope, not gonna happen, don’t want it. I can do this all day, Palpatine,” Anakin says cheerfully.
“Are you sure about that?” Palpatine frowns. “With everything that I have to give you, you’re telling me you don’t want it. What about your wife? Do you not wish for a way to save your wife’s life?”
“Chances are ninety-nine point eight three percent that Padme will not die in childbirth, like in my visions. Those are good chances. I’ll stick with ‘em,” says Anakin.
“That’s a rather...specific statistic,” says Palpatine.
“I had Artoo do the calculations of what the chances of Padme dying in childbirth would actually be, and ran it through like three different people who all concluded that Artoo’s right, and I’m an idiot to worry,” says Anakin.
It isn’t exactly a lie. It’s just something that Anakin had done in one of his previous lives.
He really had been an idiot to worry in his first life.
“But, surely, there must be something you want,” says Palpatine.
“Why are you so determined to give me something?” Anakin says, grinning inwardly at how utterly bewildered Palpatine sounds. He clearly doesn’t know exactly what is happening, or how his attempt to bring Anakin to the dark side is derailing as rapidly as it is.
“Ah, well, it is just…”
“I was right. You do have some big ol’ secret, huh?”
“No, no, of course not!”
A chirp sounds and Anakin turns, raising an eyebrow upon seeing a family of gizka make their way into the charred office. He whistles. “Wow. Those things really are durable. How the heck did they survive this entire office getting blown up?” he says.
Palpatine stares at the gizka.
“You okay there, Chancellor?”
A screech of rage erupts from the Chancellor’s lips and Force lightning erupts from his fingers and crashes into the gizka family, turning them into burnt corpses.
Anakin blinks and turns to the Chancellor, raising an eyebrow. “Man, talk about taking things to the extreme. They were just a family of innocent little gizka. What kind of monster are you?” he says with a disappointed shake of his head.
Palpatine growls in fury as he whips his head around. “You...You should not have seen that,” he says.
“Yeah, you’d be surprised by how often I get that too,” says Anakin with a shrug.
“What will you do now?” Palpatine demands. “You know the truth.”
“To be fair, Palpatine, I just saw you blast some poor innocent little gizka with Force lightning. That’s not really definite proof of who you are.”
“How is that not definite proof? What do you want me to do? Spell it out for you?”
“May as well get it in writing. Physical evidence is always better to have in hand.”
Palpatine’s eye twitches. “You are insufferable right now, Skywalker,” he says.
“Oh you would not believe how many times I’ve gotten called that. I’m pretty sure I’ve broken the record of how many times I’ve been called insufferable,” Anakin notes. “Still, I don’t even think it being written down will be enough proof.”
Palpatine’s other eye starts twitching. “I am the damn Sith Lord who started this war and trained Count Dooku. I was the one who engineered everything that has happened, Anakin! What more proof do you want?” he exclaims in frustration.
“Well, you don’t have to yell. By the way, the entire Senate just heard your confession,” Anakin says, holding up the recording device that he had turned on throughout the entire conversation. “So, yeah, I’m just gonna let the Jedi Council arrest you now. Laters, Palpatine.”
Palpatine stares as the doors open and Windu, Tiin, Fisto, and Kolar make their way into the office.
“Chancellor Palpatine, you are under arrest for treason against the Republic,” Windu declares.
“You...You...you set me up!” Palpatine shrieks, glaring at Anakin. “You knew! This whole time, you knew this whole time!”
Anakin rolls his eyes and shrugs before walking out of the office. “Oh, Master Fisto, Master Kolar, Master Tiin, I’d be careful. He has two lightsabers at his disposal, and he’s far more agile than anyone would think, given how old he is,” he says and strides out of the office once he sees Fisto, Kolar, and Tiin nod their heads in acknowledgment of his warning.
. . .
“So Master?”
“Yeah?”
“Everything’s over?”
“Yup.”
“Palpatine’s been defeated. Bail Organa has been elected Chancellor. And now you’re leaving the Jedi Order?”
“Yup.”
“Why?”
“I gotta take care of my children.”
“Luke and Leia, right?”
“Yup. You okay over there, Obi-Wan? You look like you’re in shock.”
Obi-Wan is, indeed, in shock. He always seems to get in shock whenever he finds out that Anakin is a father, no matter how many times it has happened, with the exception of that first time. But Anakin doesn’t think about the first time. What’s the point of thinking about his first life when it’s really just a distant memory in light of the nine lives that he has lived since then?
He muses that he’s going to take a break from repeating his life and jump to another time after this life comes to an end.
“Well, I can be their auntie, right?” Ahsoka asks. As usual, she takes the news of him being a father very well but, then, Anakin is positive that she’s always known about his relationship with Padme, which is why him being a father really isn’t that surprising.
“Of course!” Anakin grins. “And Obi-Wan is their uncle. No doubt about that!”
Obi-Wan groans suddenly.
“What’s wrong, Master Kenobi?” Ahsoka asks.
“Two more Skywalkers,” Obi-Wan says, sinking to the ground and burying his face into his hands. “I don’t know if I can handle two more Skywalkers!”
Anakin just starts laughing,.
. . .
Chapter 2: In Which Anakin Decides to Blow Many Things Up
Summary:
"Leia groans and sinks to the ground. “That is way too many revelations for one day,” she exclaims. “First you say that you and Vader are my father, which tells me that you and Vader are the same person, and now there’s a damn second Death Star out there. What’s next? Luke’s my brother?”
“Well, actually...”
Leia’s head collides hard with the console in front of her."
Notes:
Here is the next chapter, in which Anakin jumps to the time of the original trilogy and, well, read the chapter title.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sand.
Why does it have to be sand?
Anakin groans and glares at the rolling sand dunes of the area that he found himself dropped in when he decides, out of sheer boredom, to use his ability again. Of all places for that ability to drop him, it has to drop him on Tatooine. Why the blazes did his time jumping ability have to drop him on this dustball this time?
Oh, wait, the Force enjoys messing with him.
That explains it.
Well, at least it isn’t Dagobah like it had been the first time Anakin used his new ability.
That hadn’t been pleasant.
Anakin huffs as he stands up and shakes the sand out of his robes. “Okay, so I know I’m on Tatooine. Question is when am I on Tatooine?” he murmurs to himself.
He decides that his best bet at figuring that out is heading for the Lars Homestead. If his mother is there then it’s before the Clone Wars, if Cliegg is there then it’s before the end of the Wars, if Luke is there then it’s during the Empire’s time. If someone else completely is there then Anakin has likely landed in an alternate universe, and he really hopes that isn’t the case. He’s pretty sure that he shouldn’t be able to jump to alternate universes.
Pretty sure.
I should get moving.
He’s beyond grateful to see that the Lars Homestead is still, indeed, the home to the Lars family. That mean that chances are low that he is in an alternate universe. And the fact that Owen and Beru Lars are old tells Anakin that he’s likely in the time of the Empire, and before Luke leaves Tatooine since Owen and Beru are still alive.
But that also means…
“Hi Owen,” Anakin says cheerfully as he strides forward, grinning when Owen stumbles back and, loosing his footing, lands on the ground with an oof. “Well, at least you landed on sand so it’s not that hard.”
“You...You...what are you doing here?” Owen exclaims.
Anakin tilts his head to the side. “You don’t seem that happy to see me,” he comments. “Let me guess...old man Kenobi dropped Luke on your doorstep, telling you about what I had become and that Luke couldn’t know and all of that bantha shit, right?”
Owen stutters, clearly unable to form a coherent sentence.
Anakin hums and turns as the familiar form of Beru, albeit far older, makes her way out of the homestead. She freezes upon seeing him but he just gives her a short wave. “Hello Beru,” he says. “Can you tell me what year it is? I think I broke your husband.”
Owen just continues to stutter in shock.
Beru swallows. “It’s been nineteen years since the formation of the Empire,” she says.
“Nineteen, huh? Well, I guess that means that Artoo is gonna be showing up anytime now, and Threepio too,” Anakin comments. “Unless they’re already here. Did you happen to buy two droids recently?”
“Um, a few hours ago, yeah,” Beru says.
Owen’s still stuttering and staring at Anakin with horror in his eyes.
“Thanks,” Anakin says. He glances at Owen in concern and adds, “You should probably take Owen inside, Beru. I didn’t mean to break him, you know? I was just curious about where I ended up this time. Well, I’m off to go annoy me an old hermit! Bye.”
He waves and walks off, leaving Beru and Owen to stare after him with puzzlement in their eyes. Not that he blames them. He did just appear on their homestead, not looking a day older than twenty two—for some reason, when he jumped, he maintains the appearance of his twenty-two year old self and he has no idea why that is—so he can understand their shock.
He hums upon reaching the Jundland Wastes and immediately makes his way to Obi-Wan’s hut. He can sense that Obi-Wan isn’t home yet so he just breaks into the hut and begins to look around the hut, curious to see if anything had changed.
Nope. Still the same sparsely furnished old hut that it was the last time Anakin dropped in on it.
And he means that literally. One of the times he used his ability, he literally dropped into the middle of Obi-Wan telling Luke about him—pilot of a space freighter? Really? Couldn’t have thought of anything better than that?—and had to talk fast to convince Obi-Wan to not stab him with his lightsaber.
To this day, he’s pretty sure that Obi-Wan hadn’t believed that he’d jumped into that time.
Man, all these different timelines are confusing and hard to keep track of.
Eh, may as well just worry about the one that he’s in right now.
“What the…?”
Anakin turns. “Hi. Don’t stab me,” he says quickly upon seeing Obi-Wan standing in the doorway to his hut, staring at him with utter shock in his eyes. His hand seems to be reaching for the lightsaber that Anakin knows he has hidden on him.
“A...Anakin?” Obi-Wan stammers out. “What? How…? Why?”
Anakin folds his arms across his chest. “Wow. Never thought I’d see the day when you can’t even form a coherent sentence. Granted, the last time I did this, you tried to stab me without even asking me anything. Not sure why you didn’t try asking me something last time,” he says.
Seeing Obi-Wan is confused, he adds, “Never mind. You really need to decorate this place, by the way. It’s so...boring. By the way, Luke should be getting into trouble anytime now so you should probably go and save him.”
Obi-Wan frowns.
“Hey, don’t give me that look. I got enough of that as your padawan,” Anakin says. “Really, I just came to see if anything had changed here. Looks like it hasn’t. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a giant ass space station to blow up.”
Anakin leaves, walking past the still surprised Obi-Wan and heading back into the Jundland Wastes. “Hmm, how do I want to destroy the Death Star this time? Decisions, decisions.”
. . .
“Governor Tarkin, I figured you would be the one holding Vader’s leash. I smelled your foul stench when I was brought on board.”
Anakin has to admit that he does love Leia’s sassy attitude. He is pretty sure that she got that from him but he can’t be too sure. He hums as he studies his alter ego, knowing full well that Vader knows he’s there if the fact that his alter ego has his mask currently facing him as opposed to facing Tarkin and Leia.
“Charming to the last,” Tarkin says. “I had you brought up here so that I can show you the power of this space station, on your home planet of Alderaan.”
“No, you can’t. Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons...” Leia begins, her eyes wide.
“Would you prefer another target? Perhaps a military one? Then name the system.”
Leia grits her teeth and turns her head.
“I grow tired of waiting. Name the system!”
“Dantooine,” Leia says finally, “they’re on Dantooine.”
“There. You see, Lord Vader? She can be reasonable,” Tarkin says, giving Vader a smug smirk that Anakin wants nothing more than to smack off. He makes a mental note to do that as soon as he gets the chance, with a chair, multiple times. Tarkin turns away and adds, “Continue as planned. You may fire when ready.”
“What?” Leia exclaims.
“You are far too trusting,” says Tarkin. “Dantooine is too remote a target to show the effectiveness of the space station.”
Leia tries to start forward, only for Vader to pull her back, though he’s still focused entirely on Anakin.
Anakin gives him a cheeky wave.
He is positive Vader’s eye is twitching.
The main reason for this is, due to the fact that Vader and Anakin are the same person, Vader is the only one who knows that Anakin is not from that time. They are linked, and always will be, so Vader knows about Anakin’s current situation as well as his new ability because their souls are the same. It’s still confusing as to how this is even possible but, somehow, it is. Once again, the Force really doesn’t make sense sometimes, and really likes messing with Anakin. Either way, because of their link, Vader knows about all of Anakin’s adventures—misadventures, he calls them—throughout time.
So he likely knows exactly what is about to happen.
“Um, sir?” one of the technicians says.
“What is it?” Tarkin demands.
“Erm...the super laser is offline.”
“Offline? What do you mean it’s offline?”
“It’s...well...take a look yourself, sir.”
Tarkin frowns but moves over.
His curiosity piqued, Vader moves over to look as well, guiding Leia in front of him.
All three of them stare at various giant boulders that are currently completely filling the hypermatter reactor chamber.
“How? How did this happen?” Tarkin exclaims.
Leia seems to be trying her hardest to not burst out laughing.
Anakin snickers.
“Who’s there?” Tarkin whirls around. “I demand you show yourself.”
Anakin shrugs, strides out into the open. “Hello there, Tarkin,” he says and promptly slams his fist into Tarkin’s face, hard enough to throw him over the railing into the crew pit that lay below. “Oh boy. I have been waiting to do that for ages!”
“I bet you have,” Vader deadpans, his deep voice rumbling throughout his body.
“Ah, you’re just upset because that’s what you wanted to do. Kindly let go of our daughter, by the way.”
Leia starts sputtering. “What?” she exclaims.
Vader hangs his head. “Really?” he deadpans.
Anakin shrugs. “It ain’t my fault you didn’t tell her. That’s all on you. You’ve known since I got stuck in this situation after all.”
“Who the kriff are you? Do you not know who I am? What gives you the right to punch a Grand Moff in the face?” Tarkin exclaims as he storms up the stairs and glares at Anakin, his face slowly bruising.
“Does it look like I give a kriff who you are, Tarkin?” Anakin deadpans. “I’ve been wanting to do that for years. Honestly. I’m surprised Vader hasn’t punched you yet.”
“Palpatine would be upset if I did,” Vader says.
“Hasn’t stopped me.”
“You’re not stuck in this time with him.”
“Good point.”
“I want you arrested!” Tarkin shouts, pointing a hand at Anakin.
Anakin punches him again. “Well, Vader, let Leia go, would you? Luke and the others should be getting here any minute now. And I need to blow up this stupid station before they get here. Oh and get off before that happens.”
“I doubt anything will happen to me, given your current predicament,” Vader says.
“Never can be too careful. The Force has a sense of humor.”
“...You raise a very valid point.” Vader releases Leia, turns, and strides off.
Leia is just staring at Vader with shock on her face and then at Anakin and then back again. “What…?” she begins.
Anakin shrugs. “Questions later, get off this station before I blow it up now. What do you say?” he says.
“Well, I don’t want to be onboard when this thing blows up so, yeah, let’s get out of here,” Leia says, still sounding incredibly confused.
“You know I’d evacuate too,” Anakin calls over his shoulder as he and Leia make their way off the bridge. “This thing is gonna blow in about ten minutes.”
He snickers at the mad dash that everyone on the bridge, with the exception of Tarkin since he’s unconscious, makes toward the turbolift to try to reach the escape pods.
. . .
“Kid...”
“Yes, Han?”
“Um...that’s the princess, right?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Why is she with someone who looks a lot like you? And why are they running as if they have the hounds of hell right after them?”
Anakin, who is currently running as if the hounds of hell are behind him, overhears Han Solo’s words. He casts a dirty glance at the man whom his daughter falls in love with but simply says, “The Death Star is going to explode in five minutes. I’d get your asses moving too.”
“Wait, what? What do you mean it’s going to explode in five minutes?” Luke exclaims and whirls to stare at Leia. “And I thought you were being held prisoner?”
Leia shrugs. “I was. Then Anakin here punched Tarkin in the face, twice, told everyone that the Death Star was going to explode soon, and everyone decided that getting off this death trap is priority. Even Vader evacuated.”
“That...explains why ol’ Ben over there has been in a confused daze for the past five minutes,” Han comments, gesturing to Obi-Wan who is, indeed, staring with confusion in his eyes.
“What happened?” Anakin asks, curious in spite of himself.
“Ben told us he confronted Vader and Vader just shoved past him, shouted something about annoying alter egos and blowing shit up and the Force is a kriffing nuisance, and just kept on running,” Luke says.
Anakin snickers. “Well, the Force is a kriffing nuisance with a kriffing sense of humor. Anyway, we have three minutes before the detonators go off so, yeah, let’s book it,” he says.
No one needs to be told twice.
. . .
“Okay, is it just me or did the Death Star’s explosion look pink to you?” Han asks as everyone gathers in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon to watch the destruction of the Death Star.
“It’s just you, nerfherder. I didn’t see anything,” says Leia.
“I could have sworn it looked pink,” Han mutters.
Luke pats Han on the shoulder. “Maybe you should get some rest,” he says. “It’s been a long and trying day.”
“Yeah...I think I should.” Han stands up and walks out of the cockpit, adding, “Chewie! Keep an eye on things in here.”
Chewbacca growls in agreement.
“So what now?” Leia asks. “The Death Star’s destroyed so the Rebel Alliance is safe, and so are many other planets.”
“Should probably figure out how to deal with the Second Death Star too,” Anakin says thoughtfully.
All eyes shoot toward him.
“Second Death Star?!” Luke exclaims.
“Yeah, Palpatine is not that creative,” Anakin admits.
Leia groans and sinks to the ground. “That is way too many revelations for one day,” she exclaims. “First you say that you and Vader are my father, which tells me that you and Vader are the same person, and now there’s a damn second Death Star out there. What’s next? Luke’s my brother?”
“Well, actually...”
Leia’s head collides hard with the console in front of her.
. . .
After nearly given herself a concussion, Leia does accept the fact that Luke is her brother, though she is still very iffy about accepting the fact that Vader is her father. So she’s taken to just referring to Anakin as her father, and completely ignoring the Vader side of Anakin, as she had taken to referring to Vader.
Anakin doesn’t mind. It’s not like he can really change the fact that he jumped into a timeline at a point that is after he became Vader. He doesn’t really control where he lands when he jumps into a new timeline. It’s a wonder he hasn’t jumped into the past yet.
He has no doubt that it will happen eventually—the Force has a sense of humor after all—but he’ll deal with that when it comes.
“So what are we going to do about this second Death Star?” Leia asks. “Do we even know where it is?”
“That’s one thing that I still haven’t quite figured out,” Anakin admits. “I just know there’s a second Death Star but I don’t know where it’s being built. Maybe I can convince my alter ego to lend that information to me.”
“So...you’re my father?” Luke asks, gazing at Anakin with wide eyes. “And...so is Vader?”
“This is so kriffing confusing!” Han groans as he throws himself into a chair.
“When it comes to Anakin, that’s usually the case,” Obi-Wan grumbles as he also throws himself into a chair.
Anakin doesn’t even deny it. “I’ll head out to Imperial Center after we reach the Rebel Alliance,” he says. “I think I want to mess with Palpatine.”
“Mess with Palpatine? You’re going to mess with the kriffing Emperor! Are you kriffing suicidal or something?” Han exclaims.
“I think it’s more I’m insane than suicidal.”
“Yes, that is definitely true,” Obi-Wan mutters.
Anakin grins at his former master. “I think I’m going to go and cause chaos in Imperial Center. I’ll let you guys know if I find out about the second Death Star while I’m there,” he says and hums. “Wonder if I’ll be able to blow up the Imperial Center? If Palpatine’s inside it, all the better.”
“What is with you and blowing things up?” Obi-Wan exclaims, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation.
“It’s fun.”
Obi-Wan starts banging his head against the wall behind him.
Han rubs his head and turns to Luke and Leia. “I really hope you two don’t end up as insane as him,” he says, waving a hand toward Anakin, who is still coming up with plans for what to do while on Imperial Center beyond finding out where the second Death Star is being built.
“I don’t know...I kinda like the idea of blowing up Imperial Center while Palpatine is still in it,” Luke admits.
“Honestly, me too,” says Leia.
Han buries his face into his hands.
. . .
“Oh great, it’s you.”
Anakin grins at his alter ego who is likely glaring at him. He can never tell because of that mask that covers his alter ego’s face. But, since he can feel Vader’s anger, he is positive that Vader is glaring at him. “You seem upset. What’s wrong?” he says.
“You blew up the Death Star, and I got chewed out for it,” Vader growls, folding his arms across his chest. “I had to spend three hours listening to Palpatine prattle on about how expensive the Death Star was and how it was his greatest invention and yadda yadda yadda. It was as annoying as the Dagobah incident!”
Anakin winces. The Dagobah incident, what Anakin refers to the incident when he first used his time jumping ability and landed on Dagobah right in front of Master Yoda’s hut, had been a three hour lecture that he had been forced to endure by Yoda.
Yeah, that had been very annoying.
“I feel for you, Vader, I do. Why not just stab him with your lightsaber?” Anakin says, raising an eyebrow.
“I was too busy trying not to pass out from utter boredom that the thought didn’t exactly cross my mind,” Vader admits. “Anyway, why are you on Coruscant...Imperial Center...whatever the kriff this place is called now?”
Anakin shrugs. “Gonna go blow shit up and wreck havoc,” he says.
“You really are bored.”
“You know why.”
“I do. Just make sure that Jade gets out, will you? Some of your misadventures involves Luke and Jade getting together, and since she makes Luke happy, I don’t want to prevent that from happening.”
“Should probably break Jade’s loyalty to Palpatine early while I’m at it,” Anakin says thoughtfully. “But, for now, I’m gonna focus on blowing the palace up. Later, Vader.” He waves at Vader and strides off to his speeder while Vader, mumbling something about leaving Imperial Center for the time being, walks off to his own speeder.
. . .
Mara Jade just stares at him. “You cannot be serious,” she deadpans.
Anakin smirks, folding his arms across his chest. “I am serious,” he says.
“Why should I believe you? Or even listen to you?”
“Because this place is gonna blow up in about fives minutes and if you’re still here when it does then you’ll get caught up in the explosion.”
“And why are you trying to save my life?”
“Reasons.”
“Not a good enough answer.”
“Well, it’s the only answer you’re gonna get. Eh, Palpatine deserves what’s coming to him.”
“Don’t talk like that about the Emperor,” Mara snaps, glaring at Anakin. “I won’t have you badmouthing the Emperor.”
“The Emperor’s an asshole, Mara,” Anakin says with a sigh. “Oh, you should know that Palpatine doesn’t even care about you. Do you know how many Hands he actually has? Twelve. I’ve counted them all. He has twelve, yourself included.”
“What? That’s impossible. I’m his only Hand!” Mara protests.
“Nope, you ain’t.”
Mara scowls.
Anakin tilts his head upon feeling the floor rumble beneath his feet. “Well, those thermal detonators I set are about to go off. I really suggest that you get out of here, Mara,” he says and strides off, ignoring the glare that Mara gives him.
He isn’t surprised at all when Mara bolts out of the Imperial Palace and just barely manages to get a safe distance from it when the Imperial Palace explodes.
He also isn’t that surprised to sense that Palpatine survived.
Damn kriffing Sith Lord and his damn nine kriffing lives.
Oh well. Time to find the second Death Star. Maybe he’ll finally be able to kill Palpatine then.
. . .
Vader is twitching the next time Anakin sees him.
Anakin isn’t even sure how that’s possible but, somehow, his alter ego is, indeed, twitching. And irritated, beyond irritated. More like he’s absolutely and the only thing that’s stopping him from strangling Anakin is the fact that, for some odd reason, Vader can never actually harm Anakin when they’re in the same timeline.
Probably due to the fact that they’re the same person. That’s still confusing as all kriffing hell but it pretty much ensures that Anakin isn’t going to get strangled by his alter ego anytime soon.
“Why?” Vader growls.
“Why what?” Anakin tilts his head to the side, wrapping his cloak around himself in an attempt to ward off the chill. Hoth is a terrible place to be. Why the Rebel Alliance chose to make their base on Hoth, Anakin will never know. He supposes that no one will think to look there, though that hadn’t stopped Vader from finding the alliance, through use of probe droids.
“Why are you here still?” Vader snaps.
“Oh, that. Yeah, when I jump to new times, I never know how long I’m gonna be stuck in that time. It can be a year, it can be five years, it can be a full decade. I just don’t know. I just know that when I jump to a new time, I’m stuck there until the Force decides that I’ve had enough fun and yanks me out.”
“Yes, I sure wish the Force had decided you had enough fun and yanked you out before you decided to blow up a large portion of the Imperial Fleet last week,” Vader growls.
“Did Palpatine survive?”
“Yes.”
“Unfortunate. Anyway, Palpatine didn’t blame you for that, did he?”
“No but one of those ships that you blew up was my flagship. And I liked that damn ship.”
“Was that the Executor one? I can’t say I blame you. That ship is nice. Shame I had to blow it up.”
“You didn’t have to do anything!”
“True.”
The two of them fall silent.
“So why are you here?” Anakin asks conversationally.
“I was ordered to seek out and exterminate the rebels, of course.”
“You should know that they escaped while I was talking with you.” At the fury that he feels drifting off Vader, he adds, “You so should have seen that coming. How did you not sense what I was really doing? Were you really so pissed at losing your flagship that you couldn’t sense the fact that the base behind me is completely empty?”
Anakin steps back to avoid the surge of furious dark power that crashed through everything, tearing several pieces of equipment, supply boxes, and portions of the wall to pieces while throwing Stormtroopers in all directions.
He whistles. “Wow. It’s a wonder you haven’t brought this whole base down on our heads,” he says and strides off, ignoring the furious curses that Vader is yelling at him.
. . .
“Okay, I have to know. Just how did you manage to blow up the Imperial Palace, blow up half of the Imperial Fleet, and get back in time to distract Vader long enough for the last of us to evacuate?” Han asks once Anakin meets him, Leia, and Chewbacca on Bespin.
“To be fair, that all occurred within the span of four years. You’d be surprised at how much one can accomplish in four years. I even found the second Death Star and blew that to bits too,” Anakin says cheerfully. “Palpatine should be finding out about that...”
He winces and Leia doubles over as an inferno of pure unadulterated rage erupts through the Force.
“Now,” Anakin finishes, still smiling brightly. “Shame the bastard wasn’t on it.”
Leia, Han, and Chewbacca exchange glances.
“You know I think I’m starting to like ya,” Han says.
“I still don’t like you,” Anakin growls, giving Han a withering glare while Leia drops her head.
“Han, my friend!” A voice calls out cheerfully.
“Oh, look, a distraction. Lando, old buddy!” Han shouts and bolts away from Anakin, who is now smirking.
Leia glares at him.
“What?”
Leia throws her hands up in exasperation and storms off after Han.
Anakin shrugs and follows while Chewbacca brings up the rear.
Upon meeting Lando Calrissian, and seeing how he immediately starts flirting with Leia, Anakin finds someone else to instantly dislike. And Han agrees with him, if the withering glare he’s also giving Lando is any indication.
“Um, why are those two glaring at me?” Lando asks.
“Um, well, one of them’s my father,” Leia says.
“I doubt that’s Han so it’s gotta be the one...with the lightsaber...” Lando quickly releases Leia and all but bolts to stand on the other side of Chewbacca, a nervous expression on his face.
Anakin smirks.
“I gotta get me one of those,” Han mutters.
“You’d end up slicing your head off on accident, though I wouldn’t mind if that happened,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
“I’ve been called worse.”
. . .
Vader looks one breath away from strangling Anakin again.
Palpatine is pretty much in the same boat.
Luke is just confused as all heck as he gazes between Vader, Palpatine, and Anakin who is standing off to the side, a cheeky smirk on his lips.
The throne room that they’re standing in, onboard the Star Destroyer Chimera since that had been the ship that Palpatine had used to travel to Endor, is silent.
“So...is someone going to say something? Or are we all just gonna keep staring at each other until someone makes a move?” Anakin asks, breaking the silence.
Palpatine’s eye twitches.
“Oh, hi there, old one. Didn’t see you there,” Anakin adds with a cheeky wave of his hand.
Palpatine’s other eye twitches.
“Um, Father, why are you here?” Luke asks, turning to gaze at Anakin.
“My alter ego over there is a stubborn idiot so I decided to come and make sure he actually does the right thing. And, besides, I also want to make sure the idiot over there actually dies this time! I’ve tried to kill him ten times already, including blowing him up three times and hiring like twenty bounty hunters and thirty assassins—should probably not mention to Bail that he’s going to be getting a pretty large bill in the mail soon—and he’s still alive!” Anakin exclaims in frustration.
“You’re the one who hired those bounty hunters and assassins? And blew up the Imperial Palace, half of the Imperial Fleet, and my fortress on Byss! How did you even know about that last one?” Palpatine exclaims.
Anakin shrugs. “You’d be surprised at what you find when you hack into the Imperial network, from within the Imperial Palace itself and using the Emperor’s own security codes,” he says.
Palpatine sputters.
“Okay, how did you get the Emperor’s own security codes?” asks Vader.
“You’d be surprised at what Palpatine just leaves laying around in his private office.”
“Why were you in Palpatine’s private office?”
“Looking for places to stick the bombs in the hope that I could blow him up along with the rest of the palace. Obviously, that hadn’t worked.”
“What is with you and blowing shit up?” Vader deadpans.
“What can I say? It’s fun, and I’m bored.”
Vader seems like he’s about to throw his hands up in exasperation and just barely stops himself from doing so.
“Vader, you know this man? Explain at once,” Palpatine says sharply.
“He is who he looks like, Master.”
“Anakin Skywalker? How is that possible?”
“I do not know but it’s true. We’re linked, our souls anyway, since we are the same person so I know he’s actually, well, me,” Vader says.
“You are not that weak man anymore,” Palpatine says sharply. “Now kill him.”
“I’ve tried that. Doesn’t work out that well.”
“Yeah, we’re the same person, dumbass,” Anakin says with a roll of his eyes. “He kills me, he essentially commits suicide, and the Force just can’t have that, y’know? Anyway, Vader, do you really want to keep working for that bastard? Our son is right there. And don’t you start the whole ‘you want him to turn to the dark side’ crap. He’s a freaking sun in the Force and suns aren’t meant to be dark.”
Vader tilts his head to the side and studies Luke who meets his gaze with calm determination in his eyes. “You won’t turn?” he asks.
“No,” Luke says. “I want you to turn back, Father. I’ve met who you could have been, had been—whatever, that’s still confusing—and I know that you can be that person again. Come back to me, Father. Let go of your hate. I love you.”
Vader crumbles. “I love you too, my son,” he says softly.
“Aw! I always love it when this happens! Oh, we should do something about old and wrinkly over there,” Anakin says, waving a hand toward the surprised Palpatine, who clearly can’t believe that Vader had come back to the light so quickly.
“On it.” Vader ignites his lightsaber and severs Palpatine’s head from its body.
“That works,” Anakin says. “So what do you say we get off this ship so I can blow it up?”
That time, Vader does throw his hands up in exasperation and starts banging his head against the wall beside him. “But I like this ship too!” he complains.
Anakin laughs.
. . .
Notes:
I hope that you find this chapter just as funny as everyone seemed to have found the last chapter. The next chapter will probably be going over the Sequel Trilogy (may as well stay with that for the time being) before jumping back to another reliving of Anakin's life but we'll see what I decide to do after Chapter Three.
Thank you for reading and reviews and kudos are much appreciated.
Chapter 3: In Which Anakin Disowns One of His Grandsons
Summary:
“You have got to be kriffing kidding me!”
Notes:
This focuses on the Sequel Trilogy, which I don't know quite as well as I know the Original and the Prequel (I've seen the Original and the Prequel too many times to count. I've only seen the Sequel Trilogy twice, and Rise of Skywalker only once). As a result, it's shorter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Waking up in an unfamiliar place has become so normal for Anakin that he doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the fact that things are blowing up around him or that starfighters are unleashing laserfire that is obliterating the various stands and makeshift buildings that fill the space.
He gazes around the area as he rises to his feet, drawing his cloak around him.
Sand. Check.
Exploding things. Check.
Tie fighters. Check.
An old freighter that looks like it hasn’t been used in years. Check.
Great, I’m in that time, and, of course, I’m waking up on a desert planet.
Anakin supposes he’s lucky that he hadn’t woken up on Tatooine but Jakku really isn’t much better.
Well, may as well go stowaway on the Millennium Falcon while I wait for Rey and that stormtrooper deserter to show up. Anakin strides toward the Falcon and make his way up the boarding ramp, ignoring the explosions that are erupting behind him. He strides into the shadow of the ship and leans against the wall, wondering if he ended up getting thrown further into the future of the timeline that he just left or if this is an alternate timeline.
Alternate dimensions are something that he hasn’t jumped into yet but he has jumped into alternate timelines, many of them. This is only his second time jumping into this particular timeline though, and he can’t say that he’s too thrilled to be there. At least he seems to have arrived earlier than he had last time.
Last time, he’d arrived during the fight on Crait, and had left not long after the disastrous end to that fight. He hadn’t even had the chance to verbally disown Kylo! He’s going to rectify that mistake this time around, as soon as he possibly could.
The boarding ramp lowers and Anakin watches as Rey bolts into the Falcon with the stormtrooper—what’s his name again? Finn?—running quickly after her with BB-8 swiftly rolling after him.
“Get to the turrets!” Rey shouts.
“Can you fly this thing?” Finn shouts back as he bolts toward the turrets.
“Of course I can!” Rey vanishes into the cockpit while Finn vanishes into the turrets.
Anakin hums as he watches, through the Force, as Rey deftly flies the Millennium Falcon as skillfully as if she is a natural born flyer, which she probably is, or she’s just letting the Force guide her without even realizing it.
They manage to destroy the TIE fighters and make it into the space beyond Jakku, and immediately start celebrating.
“You know this ship is about to break, right?” Anakin says and grins when Rey and Finn jump and whirl around, Finn loses his balance and topples to the ground while Rey, at the very least, has the forethought to pull out her blaster.
And then the Falcon breaks.
“How did you know it was going to break?” Finn blurts out.
Anakin shrugs. “It’s the Millennium Falcon. It always breaks,” he deadpans, leaning against the wall and adding to Rey, “Are you going to put that thing away and fix this ship? Or would you rather it blow up while we’re still inside it? I like making things explode but not while I’m still in them.”
Rey curses and darts toward the maintenance hatch, shouting at Finn to join her. Finn, who had been studying Anakin with puzzlement in his eyes, jerks his head toward the young woman and darts toward her.
BB-8 beeps upon seeing Anakin.
Anakin kneels down in front of the droid. “Well, hello there, BB-8,” he greets.
The droid beeps in puzzlement.
“Yeah, you don’t know me but I know you. You’re a pretty cool droid, you know?”
BB-8 beeps happily.
“If we’re going to get that droid back to the Resistance, I need to know where they are,” Rey says as she pokes her head out of the maintenance hatch. “That droid says that the location of the Resistance’s base is need to know but I need to know.” She ducks back into the hatch while Finn waves the droid over and Anakin simply returns to leaning against the wall.
The Falcon shudders almost as soon as Rey and Finn finishes repairing the Falcon.
Anakin lifts his head. “We just got caught in a tractor beam,” he says and watches as Rey and Finn bolt to the cockpit.
Finn seems to think it’s the First Order.
Anakin’s pretty sure it isn’t.
. . .
“Not you again!”
Anakin raises an eyebrow at the exclamation that escapes Han Solo’s lips. The man, whom is far older than when Anakin last saw him, is frowning at him, his hand tightening on the handle of his blaster. “So you’ve seen me before? I must have jumped further ahead rather than going into a different timeline,” he comments.
Han growls.
“Why are you glaring at me like that, Solo?”
“You nearly blew up the Millennium Falcon!”
“But I didn’t.”
“But you nearly did.”
“But. I. Didn’t.”
Han throws his hands up in exasperation.
“Um, you two know each other?” Finn says in puzzlement as he gazes between Han and Anakin while Rey is staring wide-eyed at Han, and has been ever since Han introduced himself and Chewbacca.
“You can say that, and I did say sorry for that,” Anakin says.
“You. Said. Nothing!”
Chewbacca barks his agreement.
Anakin hums and then shrugs. “Well, I meant to. Anyway, why are you smuggling again, Solo?” he says, a cool gleam entering his eyes. “What did I tell you to do if you wanted to have my daughter’s hand in marriage?”
Han gulps and turns to Chewbacca.
Chewbacca growls and shakes his head.
“C’mon, Chewie! He’s got a kriffing lightsaber. I really don’t wanna lose any body parts ‘cause I didn’t keep my promise!” Han exclaims, throwing his hands up.
Chewbacca growls and shakes his head.
“But what about the life debt?”
“I won’t be killing you, Solo,” Anakin says with poisoned sweetness in his voice. “I’m just going to make the rest of your life absolutely miserable. And you better apologize to Leia, got it?!”
Han groans but nods slowly. “Got it,” he says sullenly.
“Um...what?” Finn says.
“I’m just as lost as you are,” Rey admits. “Wait, I heard that Han Solo married Leia Organa. Does that mean…?”
“Yup. I’m her and Luke Skywalker’s father,” Anakin says brightly.
“You’re Anakin Skywalker? The legendary Jedi Knight and Sith Lord Darth Vader?” Rey blurts out.
“I’m not especially proud of the Sith Lord part of my life but, yup, that’s me.”
Finn faints.
Rey just stares with utter shock in her eyes. “H...How do you only look twenty two?” she asks.
“He’s kriffing immortal,” Han grumbles. “He doesn’t age. He looked the same exact age when I ran into him last time. Anyway, why the heck are you two on my ship? I’m not even going to bother on asking why Skywalker’s here. He has a tendency of just appearing out of absolute nowhere anyway so...”
“That was once, and I didn’t even appear before you,” Anakin deadpans.
“Whatever. My point is that you’re on my ship for some reason and I want to know why,” Han says, focusing his attention on Rey.
“We found this droid,” Rey says, gesturing to BB-8. “He has important information that he needs to get to the Resistance.
“Information? What kind of information?”
BB-8 beeps.
Rey glances at him, shock flaring on her face. “He says that he has a map that leads to Luke Skywalker,” she gasps in shock.
“Why does anyone need a map to lead them to Luke?” Anakin says.
“Luke disappeared not long ago,” Han explains. “I don’t know where he is, no one does, but if that map does lead to Luke then the First Order will definitely want to get their hands on it.”
“Which is why we need to get it to the Resistance,” Rey says.
“Well, let’s get it to the Resistance then, and then I can track down my wayward son and figure out why the heck he vanished without a trace,” Anakin says cheerfully.
“No blowing up anything,” Han growls.
“I am making absolutely no promises.”
Han bangs his head against the wall beside him.
. . .
The First Order obliterating an entire system is a surprise, and Anakin finds himself wondering what the heck had the kind of firepower to obliterate an entire system. He muses that it’s probably just a bigger Death Star. And if it is then the First Order clearly are even less creative than Palpatine had been.
The First Order finding them on Takodana isn’t one.
Finn managing to use a lightsaber and not slice off a limb is a surprise.
Han complaining about the fact that Finn can use a lightsaber but he can’t, even though Finn isn’t a Jedi, is really not that much of a surprise. It’s just annoying.
Kylo Ren showing up is a surprise, as is him kidnapping Rey.
The Resistance showing up isn’t really much of one though.
Anakin’s ability to waltz into Kylo Ren’s ship without anyone noticing him, or even stopping him if they did, is also a surprise.
“You guys are morons,” Anakin mutters to the troopers that he had just walked past to get onto Kylo’s ship.
He doesn’t bother on doing anything right now. He’ll wait until he’s on Kylo’s ship to bug him, and finally verbally disown him as he’s been wanting to do for a while now.
He may as well bust Rey out while he is at it.
. . .
“How did you get onboard?” Rey asks when Anakin casually slips into the room that she’s being held in.
“How are you not freaking out over the fact that you just got captured by the First Order?” Anakin says as he waves a hand, using the Force to undo Rey’s restraints.
“I think I’m still ins shock over those visions that I saw when I took hold of Luke’s first lightsaber,” says Rey.
“Luke’s first lightsaber?”
“Yeah. Maz Kanata says it’s the one that once belonged to Luke’s father, you...”
“Oh. I had wondered what happened to that in this time,” Anakin muses as Rey steps away from the restraints. “Your friends should be arriving soon to rescue you. I’m gonna bother Kylo before blowing this stupid bigger knockoff of the Death Star. Tell your friends to get off this place before that happens.”
“Um, yeah, sure.” Rey darts out of the room, slamming her body into one of the troopers and sending him flying into the wall. She kicks him in the head, grabs his blaster, and jogs off.
Anakin casually strides out of the room and rests in the shadow of the wall, waiting.
Kylo Ren comes in.
Anakin raises an eyebrow at the absolute temper tantrum that Kylo throws once he finds out that Rey had escaped. Yup, definitely disowning him. I like Jacen better, he thinks and turns to the two stormtroopers that had just strode up.
“You don’t want to go in there,” he says, right as a computer module goes flying out of the room to crash into the opposite wall.
The two stormtroopers exchange glances, turn around, and promptly walk back the way they had come.
Anakin waits until the tantrum is over with before he strides into the room, raising an eyebrow at the furious Kylo Ren. “Gees. Even I wasn’t so bad as to destroy everything around me just because something didn’t go my way,” he says.
Kylo whirls around. “Who are you?” he demands, his lightsaber—Anakin will admit that he kinda likes Kylo’s lightsaber design—in hand and activated.
“Don’t recognize your dear grandfather? I’m hurt.”
“You are not my grandfather!”
“Vader and I are the same person, dumbass,” Anakin says, rolling his eyes. “So, yeah, that makes me your grandfather.”
“You are not Vader.”
“Not anymore, yeah, but I was once Vader. Use the Force. You know that I’m speaking the truth.”
Kylo’s eyes widen upon sensing that Anakin is, indeed, telling the truth. “Grandfather...” he breathes.
“Yeah...I can’t say that I like you, Kylo,” Anakin says, folding his arms across his chest. “I can’t disown you legally but I think I’m gonna disown you anyway, verbally, until you get your shit together.”
“I am just finishing what you started!” Kylo exclaims.
“What kind of idiot told you that I wanted you to destroy the Republic or turn to the dark side or destroy the Jedi? And where are they so I can kick their asses and beat their face in with my kriffing lightsaber?” Anakin growls.
“Supreme Leader Snoke said...” Kylo begins.
“Okay. Snoke is the next person to be added to the list of people I need to blow up,” Anakin says.
Kylo opens his mouth to respond, frowns, and asks instead, “You have a list?”
“You wouldn’t believe how long the list is. Haven’t had the chance to blow up a lot of the people on that list yet. Should probably try and do that the next time around. Hmm, maybe I’ll relive my life again and see if I can actually blow some people on that list up, or feed one of them to the Zillo Beast. Gruesome but maybe that will kill the bastard on the top of my list.”
“Um...should I be worried?”
“Nope. You’re my disowned grandson but you’re still Leia’s son so you’re still a Skywalker so you’re safe ‘cause of that. Anyway, I kinda got distracted thinking about who I need to blow up but, back on subject, Snoke’s an ass. Don’t listen to him. Listen to your actual grandfather when I tell you that you are a kriffing idiot who needs to get his shit together, and preferably before you do something you’ll regret later.”
“Who says that I will regret anything that I do next?” Kylo demands.
Anakin waves a dismissive hand. “Eventually, you will, I’m sure of it,” he says. “You’ve got Skywalker genes in you, kid. It’s in our nature to eventually regret something terrible that we do. Anyway, I’m off now. Gonna go find a way to blow up Starkiller Base, kriffing larger knockoff version of the Death Star. Who the hell created this thing? Some knockoff clone of Palpatine?”
He strides off, leaving Kylo to stare after him in puzzlement.
. . .
“Did you really just blow up Starkiller Base?” Rey says while Han just buries his face into his hands, Chewbacca patting his back comfortingly, and Leia looking like she wants to bang her head against something hard. But, given that will only give her a headache, and Anakin certainly doesn’t want that, not when head injuries in the elderly aren’t exactly a good thing.
He makes a mental note to not call his daughter old out loud. He’s pretty sure he’ll get a blaster to the eye for that.
“Yup,” he says.
“Okay, I have to know, how did you manage to blow up Starkiller Base before the fleet even got there?” Finn asks.
“I’d like to know the answer to that myself,” Poe Dameron says.
“Did you fill the reactor chamber with boulders again so that it exploded on itself when it tried to fire again?” Leia asks.
“Or did you overload the power generators like you did with half of the Star Destroyers of the Imperial Fleet?” Han asks.
Chewbacca barks out a question.
“And Chewie wants to know if you just placed thermal detonators and other explosives all throughout the base and blew it up that way,” Han translates.
“I couldn’t decide so I just did all three,” Anakin chirps cheerfully.
Leia bangs her head hard against the wall behind her.
Han throws his hands up in exasperation.
. . .
The map leading to Luke ends up leading to the planet of Ahch-To.
Anakin insists on accompanying Rey.
Neither of them know what to expect upon arriving at the island.
Luke certainly hadn’t expected to see them or, more specifically, him.
“F...Father?” Luke stammers out in shock.
“Yo, Luke, you’ve gotten old!” Anakin exclaims, studying the man his son had become.
Luke frowns. “And you haven’t aged a day,” he says.
“Yeah, I get that a lot.”
“I bet you do.”
“Rey’s here to receive some Jedi training, by the way.” Anakin waves a hand to Rey who frowns.
“No, I’m here to ask Luke to come back and help the Resistance,” Rey says, reaching into her bag and holding out the lightsaber toward Luke.
Luke takes it, frowns as he studies it, and promptly throws it over his shoulder.
“Hey! Do you know how many times I’ve lost that stupid thing? And you just toss it away like that? What the actual kriff?” Anakin exclaims, stretching out a hand and grabbing the lightsaber with the Force and calling it back to his hand.
“I’m not coming back, and where the heck did you even get that lightsaber? I lost it a long time ago, and I still don’t even completely know how that happened.”
“You’re definitely a Skywalker,” Anakin says with a shrug. “Obi-Wan used to get so frustrated with me because I kept losing my lightsaber. Anyway, so are you going to help with the Resistance or not?”
“I already said no. Why don’t you help them, Father?”
“I have no idea how long I’m going to be in this time. You are in this time though so you may as well help them out.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Just because.”
Anakin folds his arms across his chest. “Does this have anything to do with my verbally disowned grandson?” he asks.
“Verbally disowned?” Luke raises an eyebrow.
“I can’t legally disown him so I verbally disowned him until he gets his shit together. I seriously liked Jacen better, and Anakin Solo was so much better too! Why did this timeline have to give us Kylo Freaking Ren?! And what the heck is with that stupid name anyway? It’s not even a Sith name. It’s so stupid! Kriffing Snoke. I’m definitely blowing him up when I see him.”
Luke and Rey just stare at Anakin as he rants before Rey looks at Luke. “Um...”
“Give him a minute. He did this a lot when I last interacted with him,” Luke says, rubbing his temples.
“Okay, I’m done,” Anakin says an hour later.
Luke jerks out of his doze while Rey lifts her head from where she had it pillowed on her arms as she lay stretched out on the ground. “Oh, you’re finally done?” Luke says as Rey yawns, stretching her arms above her head.
“Yup. I kinda went off on a tangent like three times so I don’t even know what I was originally ranting about,” Anakin admits. “Anyway, are you coming back to the Resistance or not?”
“I already said...”
“I will stand here and continuously say please until either you give in or the Force yanks me from this timeline, which can be anywhere from a few hours to a decade,” Anakin says firmly.
“Okay! Okay! I’ll go back,” Luke exclaims.
Anakin smirks.
. . .
The fight on Crait pretty much happens exactly as it did the last time that Anakin was there. The only really difference is the fact that Rey has some Jedi training—Luke may have agreed to come back but it took a lot more to convince him to train Rey, and Anakin ended up giving her some training himself just to give her more control—and the fact that Luke, himself, is there.
Leia is beyond overjoyed to see Luke.
So is Han.
Everyone else is just in awe.
Kylo is in shock but still tries to kill Luke anyway, while Luke simply toys with him to give the Resistance time to evacuate.
“Hey, disowned grandson,” Anakin shouts from where he’s watching, seated cross-legged on top of one of the walkers. “I thought I told you to get your shit together, dumbass!”
Kylo stumbles and whips his head around. “What the…? Don’t just stand there like incompetent idiots! Shoot him!” he shouts at his men. He jumps back when Luke swipes his lightsaber toward him and whirls around, raising his lightsaber while his men turn their blasters toward the walker that Anakin’s sitting on.
Anakin uses the Force to open up the walker’s cockpit and, pulling the pilot free with the Force, he says, “Sorry,” and proceeds to throw the pilot into the troopers that are standing down below. He jumps into the cockpit, which easily protects him from the trooper’s blasterfire, and guides the walker toward the First Order’s soldiers and tanks and fires on them, grinning at the various explosions that erupt on the salt-covered land.
‘Really, Father?’ Luke’s voice echoes in his head.
What? I’m bored.
Exasperation floods the Force from his son.
. . .
“So Kylo got away? Or, more like, you let him escape?” Han says.
“He’s my nephew. I wasn’t going to kill him,” Luke says. “Father believes he can change.”
“I was able to change so why can’t he, especially now that Snoke is dead?” Anakin says with a shrug.
Leia sighs. “I really hope that you’re right about that,” she says. “Now what’s this about a link between Ben and Rey?”
“Ben? You really named your son Ben?” Anakin repeats, shock in his voice. “Jacen is a far better name, far better.”
“We were thinking about naming him Jacen but Ben just felt...right,” Leia admits.
Anakin snorts. “Jacen was a better grandson than the verbally disowned Ben,” he says.
“Verbally disowned?” Leia says, raising an eyebrow.
“Can’t legally disown him so I’m verbally disowning him until he gets his shit together. As for the link between Rey and...Ben, I think it’s called a Dyad. Either way, it might end up helping Ben come back to the light, unless something else happens to throw a wrench in that plan.”
“Like what? Palpatine coming back from the dead?” Han says, raising an eyebrow.
Anakin gives Han a withering glare. “I swear, Solo, that if you just jinxed it then I am going to smack you upside the head...with my lightsaber hilt!” he growls.
. . .
Palpatine is back.
“You have got to be kriffing kidding me!” Anakin explodes upon hearing the transmission that echoes throughout the galaxy. He yanks his lightsaber off his belt and storms off toward Han who pales and immediately bolts in the opposite direction.
“Get back here, you bastard! You kriffing jinxed it! Get back over here so I can hit you upside the head with my lightsaber!” Anakin shouts.
“Not on your life!” Han shouts back.
“We should probably go make sure Father doesn’t kill Han,” Luke says to his sister.
“Or hurt him really really badly,” says Leia in agreement and the two hurry as quickly as they can after their furious father and terrified friend/husband.
. . .
“You look pissed,” Kylo Ren comments as Anakin storms into his chambers, fury written all over his features.
“That bastard Palpatine is still kriffing alive! I’ve tried to kill him like a hundred times now, and I thought we actually succeeded last time, and yet he’s still kriffing alive!” Anakin explodes as he starts pacing, glaring furiously at the wall. “And Rey’s his damn granddaughter! What the actual hell?! How did no one know that?”
“Her parents left her when she was too young to remember them, or their heritage,” says Kylo.
“Even so!” Anakin throws his hands up and storms toward the entrance to the chamber.
“Where are you going now?” Kylo asks.
“To kriffing kill that bastard and, this time, make sure he stays dead!” Anakin exclaims as he uses the Force to slam the door behind him.
“Are you sure you can handle him?” Kylo asks as he hurries after Anakin.
“I’ll chop him into a million pieces if I have to,” Anakin growls before he whirls around and jams a finger at Kylo, stopping him. “And you! You better go and make up with your parents!”
“Why would I do that?” Kylo demands.
“Because I will, personally, spend the rest of my life bothering you every chance I get! Have you ever heard of the Gizka Song*?”
Kylo pales. “Okay! Okay! I’ll go and make up with my parents. Just...please...not the gizka song!” he exclaims.
“And renounce the name Kylo Ren. You’re Ben Solo, still doesn’t fit but whatever. It’s still your name. And you aren’t on the dark side anymore. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“Good.” Anakin storms off.
. . .
Palpatine seems surprised to see him.
Anakin glares at him. “You’re supposed to be dead, you bastard!” he shouts.
“I do not die that easily, my boy,” Palpatine says simply.
“Call me ‘my boy’ one more time. I dare you!” Anakin has his lightsaber in his hand, ignited, and pointed at Palpatine.
“Do you really think that will do anything against me?” Palpatine says and turns his head. “Ah, looks like my granddaughter has arrived and...with Ben Solo?”
Anakin turns to find Rey striding forward, Leia’s lightsaber in her hand and ignited, while Ben walks at her side, Luke’s lightsaber in his hand and ignited. “Okay, where are Luke and Leia? And why do you have their lightsabers?” Anakin asks.
“They told us to handle this. I think they want to focus on blowing up the fleet,” says Rey with a shrug.
“You cannot defeat me,” Palpatine says. “I will simply use the power from the Dyad connection between the two of you to revitilize my...”
Anakin stabs Palpatine through the chest. “Seriously, shut the kriff up and just kriffing die already!” he exclaims.
Ben and Rey exchange glances but dart forward and slam their blades through Palpatine’s chest as well. Between the three blades, they manage to severe Palpatine in three pieces, tearing him free from the system that had been keeping him alive as well.
“Is he dead?” Rey asks.
“He looks dead,” Ben says.
Anakin starts hacking Palpatine into pieces.
“Is that really necessary?” Ben asks.
“I’ve tried to kill this bastard over a hundred times and the one time I thought my alter ego had killed him, he shows up alive again! I’m making sure this time,” Anakin says flatly.
Rey and Ben exchange glances but walk off, leaving Anakin to finish hacking Palpatine’s clone body into pieces.
. . .
“So all’s well that end’s well,” Leia says as she leans against the wall with Luke on one side and Han on the other. “Though I’m surprised that those two got together.” She waves a hand toward Ben and Rey, who are holding each other gently nearby.
“They do really care for each other,” Luke says.
“Ben’s happy so I’m all right with this,” Han says with a shrug and then glances over to the side, adding, “What do you think, Anakin?”\
“If they’re happy, that’s all right with me. Did you ever apologize to Leia, Solo?” Anakin demands.
Han opens his mouth.
“And I will know if you lie to me,” Anakin adds lowly
Han closes his mouth, gulps, and bolts.
“Get your ass back here! I’m going to feed you to a jungle wampa!” Anakin shouts as he bolts after Han, leaving Luke and Leia to sigh, shake their heads, and quickly hurry after Anakin to ensure that he doesn’t feed Han to a jungle wampa.
. . .
Notes:
*Think of the "Gizka Song" as the Star Wars version of the most annoying song you can think of
I hope you found this chapter funny, even if it was shorter than the other two. I am unsure of what I will do with the next chapter, might jump to Malachor during "Twilight of the Apprentice" in Rebels or I might jump to some point in time during the Clone Wars. Not sure yet. We'll see.
Reviews and kudos are much appreciated.
Chapter 4: In Which Anakin and the 501st Cause Chaos
Summary:
“...Respectfully speaking, sir, I am scared to know what’s actually on that list.”
“You shouldn’t be scared. The mastermind and the Separatists should be scared.”
“I do not find that too reassuring.”
Notes:
I decided that I wanted to give the clones time to shine so that's this chapter. Hope you guys like it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Sir, what are you doing?”
Anakin looks up from where he’s currently scrolling through the list of ideas that he has on his datapad, one that he has been building ever since he found himself gazing at Qui-Gon Jinn’s funeral pyre for the...he isn’t even sure how many times has gone by. He just knows that it’s a lot. Either way, this life, he decides that he’s going to get some help to cause chaos—he means have fun—during the war.
“Oh Rex, hi,” he greets.
“Hello, sir...” Captain Rex says with an uncertain frown on his lips, his helmet tucked under his arm. “You seem like you are up to something.”
“Well, I am,” Anakin says with a shrug as he turns around to face his captain and grins. “Wanna help drive the Separatists leaders to insanity?”
“Sir?”
“Well, not just the Separatists leaders but also the mastermind behind this whole war. Hmm, should get those chips taken care of while I’m at it. Wouldn’t want that to get in the way of the fun,” Anakin murmurs to himself and, when Rex gives him a puzzled look, he adds, “I’ll explain in a bit. First things first, let’s get the 501st gathered. I want everyone to go the medbay and have their inhibitor chips removed.”
“Inhibitor chips, sir?”
“I don’t have proof at this point in time but it’s there. We’re getting them removed and then we’re gonna cause chaos for the Separatists and the mastermind.” Anakin grins as he returns his gaze back to his datapad, very much aware of Rex’s concerned gaze fixed on his back.
“Sir?” he says concerned.
“You’ll understand soon enough. For now, the chips. Hmm, should work on the Clone Rights Act again this time too.”
Rex just continues to stare at him in puzzlement.
. . .
“What is this?” Rex stares at the information that Anakin is showing him. “And how the kriff did you manage to get it?”
“Well, I figured that you would need proof about those chips and why I want to cause some chaos for the mastermind behind these chips,” says Anakin with a shrug.
“That doesn’t answer any of my questions.”
“Just read it. Ninety Nine helped me get the information, good man that Ninety Nine. It was taken from Nala Se’s own records so it’s legitimate.”
Rex is still in wide-eyed shock as he scans through the rest of the information. “I...I need to show this to my brothers,” he says.
“Go ahead. Just show it to the 501st first. We’ll figure out how to handle the rest of the army later. Besides, I want the 501st’s help in causing trouble for the mastermind behind this plot,” says Anakin.
“Let me tell my men but if you know who the mastermind behind this plot is, and you have a plan for how to deal with them, then you know I will listen,” says Rex firmly.
Anakin grins and waves his datapad. “That’s what that list was for,” he says cheerfully.
“...Respectfully speaking, sir, I am scared to know what’s actually on that list.”
“You shouldn’t be scared. The mastermind and the Separatists should be scared.”
“I do not find that too reassuring.”
. . .
For the next couple of days, Anakin has had visits from every single member of the 501st asking him for confirmation that the information he had found is legit. And then requesting that they be allowed to take some hours off work to get the chips in their heads removed.
Of course Anakin approves it.
And now he’s accepting ideas.
“Let’s paint Palpatine’s office rainbow,” says Fives.
“Rainbow?” Echo repeats, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah. Let’s paint it every single color that we can think of, the more ghastly and ugly, the better!”
Anakin quickly jots down the idea. “That will go well with my idea to give the entire Senate Building a paint job. I’m thinking a giant mural,” he says.
“A giant mural, sir?” Jesse echoes.
“Yup. A giant mural.”
“Okay, how are you going to manage to do that?”
Anakin grins. “Gunships and spray paint.”
“...”
“Why am I not surprised you already had a plan for that?” Rex deadpans.
Anakin grins.
“Master, what’s going on in here? And why is the entire 501st here?” Ahsoka asks as she makes her way into the hangar that Anakin had claimed for his planning session.
“Hey Snips!” Anakin greets with a grin, “We’re just coming up with ideas to mess with the Chancellor...I mean the mastermind behind this war, and the Separatists too.”
“Mess with them?” If Ahsoka catches the slip of Anakin’s tongue, she makes no mention of it.
“Yup. They’ll be expecting us to attack them or fight them. They won’t be expecting this.” Anakin waves the list of ideas that he and the 501st have come up with to mess with the Separatists and Palpatine, which has grown to about ten times its original length due to all the ideas that he’s received from his legion.
“Okay, I’ll bite. What, exactly, is on that list?” Ahsoka asks as she sits down across from Anakin.
Anakin scrolls through the list. “This one’s from Echo. He suggests we hide a recorder in the mastermind’s office and have it play the most annoying song we can think of on repeat, and make sure to hide it somewhere where he will never find it,” he says.
“Of course you would suggest something like that, eh?” Hardcase says with a laugh as he nudges a grinning Echo in the side.
“Hey, may as well live up to my namesake,” he says.
“Oh, read mine!” Coric calls out.
Anakin scrolls down the datapad. “Coric suggests that we hide a family of gizka in Senator Burtoni’s office, somewhere she won’t find them. She’s allergic to gizka,” he says, adding the last part at the puzzled look that Ahsoka gives him.
“How do you know that?”
Anakin shrugs. “I know these things.”
He had discovered that during his tenth life.
“Did you suggest something?” Ahsoka asks, turning her gaze to Rex.
Rex coughs and looks away. “Of course not, sir,” he says. “It is quite unprofessional...”
“Rex suggested that we tape up everything in the mastermind’s office with different colored tape,” says Anakin.
Rex’s face goes red.
Ahsoka snickers. “Okay, so all of these ideas are for the mastermind behind this whole thing. What about the Separatists? And how are we going to manage that?” she asks.
“I’ve actually already started that. You would be surprised at what you can do when you reprogram a Separatist droid, or a few of them,” Anakin says with a shrug.
. . .
“Who the blazes did this?!” Dooku exclaims upon seeing how his entire audience chamber is filled to the brim with glasses, all of them filled with a foul-smelling liquid that seems to be bubbling, and Dooku has this odd feeling that he doesn’t want to know what’s in those glasses.
But he can’t even step into his audience chamber without knocking over one of those glasses. They are placed so close to each other, and covering the floor entirely.
“Count Dooku, sir,” a droid calls as it moves into the chamber.
“Wait, don’t!” Dooku begins but he’s too late.
The droid knocks over one glass. It’s a domino effect as that one glass falls into the next one, which falls into the next one. The process continues as glass shatters upon the ground and the foul-smelling liquid suddenly starts dissolving the metal floor, a toxic fume rising from the puddles of acidic liquid that is rapidly spreading throughout the floor.
Dooku darts out of the audience chamber, intent on contacting someone who can repair his audience chamber later. For now, he really needs to find out just how this happened.
. . .
“Okay, Master, what did you do?” Ahsoka asks.
Anakin grins and tells her.
She stares and starts laughing. “Of all the crazy things to do, you do something like that?” she gasps around her laughter.
“Dooku’s going to have a major mess to clean up soon, supposing his castle even survives,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“What do you mean by that, sir?” Rex asks.
“I may, or may not, have programmed those droids to place several explosives all throughout the lower levels of Dooku’s estate on Serenno.”
“...”
Rex turns and bangs his head against the wall while Hardcase bursts out laughing.
“I knew I liked you, General,” he exclaims.
. . .
“Hello there,, Chancellor!”
Palpatine is twitching.
Anakin supposes he can understand why. They had gone through with both Echo’s and Rex’s plan so the entirety of Palpatine’s office is incredibly colorful while an annoying song is playing on repeat, echoing from somewhere in the office.
“Ah, Anakin...my boy,” Palpatine says through gritted teeth.
“You look like you’re about to explode,” Anakin chirps cheerfully.
“No, not at all.” Palpatine is still speaking through gritted teeth.
A shadow falls into the office from outside and Palpatine turns, puzzlement written all over his face at the gunship that is floating in front of the window. The doors open and a group of clones move forward, shaking cans of spray paint before beginning to spray colorful paint all over Palpatine’s large windows.
Once they’re done, they step back into the gunship, the doors close and the gunship flies off.
“What was that about?” Palpatine says in puzzlement.
“No idea,” Anakin says with a shrug.
. . .
There’s a giant mural painted on the entirety of the Senate Building, depicting several scenes from the Jedi Civil War, including, but not limited to, Revan clad in his armor and mask, Malak standing on the top of the Temple of the Ancients, the Star Maps, the Star Forge, the Endar Spire, and every single planet that played a major role in that war. That includes Taris, Dantooine, Tatooine, Manaan, Kashyyyk, Korriban, and Rakata Prime.
Palpatine is twitching as he glares at the giant mural.
The entirety of the Senate are just standing on the Promenade in front of the building and staring at the giant mural with shock in their eyes or flaring off their presences in the Force.
The 501st are exchanging high-fives off to the side while Anakin is happily snapping pictures with a holocam, intent on saving these so that he will forever remember this, since he has this odd feeling it won’t last for that long.
“Okay, I have to admit that this is brilliant,” Ahsoka says, covering her mouth as snickers escape her lips. “The Chancellor looks like he’s about to explode.”
It’s true. Palpatine, on top of twitching, is red and trembling as if he is one second away from breaking something.
“I wonder if he will,” Anakin says curiously. “I’ve never seen anyone spontaneously combust before. Might be interesting.”
Ahsoka gives him a worried look. “Sometimes, Master, you scare me,” she says.
Anakin shrugs, a grin stealing its way onto his lips. “Its’ the Separatists and a certain someone who should be scared,” he says and walks off to join the still high-fiving 501st.
Ahsoka sighs, shakes her head, and follows.
. . .
“General Skywalker, General Kenobi,” Count Dooku says.
He’s standing across from Anakin and Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka who is standing on Anakin’s other side, while his droid army gathers behind him and the 501st and the 212th are gathered behind the three Jedi.
“Why hello there, old man,” Anakin greets with a cheeky wave of his hand. “You look furious. Are you still homeless?”
Dooku’s eye twitches but he manages to remain calm. “And just why would you think that?” he asks.
“Well, your droids did blow up your castle on Serenno so I figured that hadn’t gotten rebuilt yet so...”
Dooku’s other eye starts twitching as well. “And just how did you know about that?” he asks.
“Who do you think reprogrammed your droids to blow up your castle?”
Dooku’s entire body start trembling but Anakin has to marvel at how the Sith is able to keep his voice calm and level in spite of the rage that is leaking off him in waves. “And just how did you manage to do that?” he asks.
Anakin grins and winks. “Trade secret.”
“Anakin, what did you do?” Obi-Wan deadpans.
“Nothing important, Master, nothing at all,” says Anakin with far too much cheer in his voice.
Ahsoka is snickering behind him.
Dooku growls and points. “Droids, take them out,” he orders.
“Roger, roger,” the droids say and start marching forward.
Several support pillars below explode and the part of the bridge that the droids had just marched onto collapse, dragging the droids down into the canyon that lay below.
“What is with you and explosions?” Obi-Wan exclaims, throwing his arms up in exasperation.
“Hey, it worked,” Anakin says with a grin as he high-fives Hardcase who is laughing like crazy.
“I really really do like you, General,” he exclaims.
Obi-Wan smacks his palm to his forehead.
. . .
Ahsoka makes her way into the hangar, raising an eyebrow upon seeing the entire 501st are gathered there along with Anakin.
She folds her arms across her chest and raises an eyebrow.
Anakin grins at her.
“Okay, what did you do?” she asks.
“Why do you assume I did something, Snips?” Anakin asks curiously.
“Because you have the look of someone who’s up to something. Does it have anything to do with the mission we’re on to Onderon?”
“Maybe...”
“What. Did. You. Do?”
Anakin grins.
Ahsoka throws her hands up in exasperation. She’s starting to understand why Obi-Wan gets so frustrated with Anakin recently.
. . .
Ahsoka stares.
The entirety of all of Iziz is completely covered in colorful paint. Graffiti covers every single building, that is still standing anyway, and she doesn’t even want to think about what is written on each still standing building. The buildings that aren’t standing just happen to be the military base, the power plant that the droids use to recharge, the spaceport, the square at the center of the city—though that’s filled to the brim with droid parts—and part of the castle itself.
She whips her head around to glare at her smirking master. “How?” she demands, waving her hand at the redecorated city of Iziz.
“I may, or may not, have sent members of the 501st here before the Separatists officially took control of this planet. They were my saboteurs. Hey, it works. It means we don’t have to fight now,” Anakin says cheerfully before walking off, shouting out congratulations to a group of clones that are gathered nearby.
Ahsoka turns and starts banging her head against the wall.
“Don’t do that, Ahsoka,” Lux says as he moves to Ahsoka’s side, resting a hand on her shoulder. “At least we don’t have to do much to take our planet back.”
Steela nods in agreement while Saw is busy attempting to read one of the graffiti that is spray-painted onto the side of a nearby building.
“Does this one read what I think it reads?” Saw asks.
Ahsoka turns and, upon reading what is spray-painted onto the side of the building, flushes in embarrassment. “Ah, no, no, you didn’t see anything!” she exclaims, activating one of her lightsabers and throwing it at the building, carving a large gash through the graffiti message.
Saw blinks as he stares at the lightsaber that flies back into Ahsoka’s hand. “Are you sure? I could have sworn it said Rex/Ahsoka Fore...”
“No, it didn’t!” Ahsoka turns and bolts, shouting, “Rex! I’m going to kick your ass!”
Rex gulps and bolts in the opposite direction. “Damn it, Fives!” he shouts as he runs.
Fives is howling with laughter as he high-fives Hardcase and Echo who are also howling with laughter.
. . .
“So Mandalore, huh?”
“Yeah, Maul’s there.”
Anakin folds his arms across his chest and then shrugs. “Okay, I’ll go and help ya,” he says.
Ahsoka turns, raising an eye-marking while Bo-Katan can’t disguise the shock on her face. “You’ll help?” Bo-Katan asks.
“Yeah, wasn’t able to save Satine this time, which is unfortunate, so I may as well make things even harder for Maul. Besides, I really don’t want to go back to Coruscant right now so...”
“Anakin! Ahsoka!” Obi-Wan darts into the hangar. “Coruscant is under attack!”
“And the Chancellor?” Anakin asks.
“We don’t know.”
“Probably captured. Eh, makes me not want to go back to Coruscant even more but I guess I gotta.” Anakin sighs with much irritation. He really doesn’t want to save Palpatine. He’d rather throw that bastard out of the airlock, though he’d probably survive, like he survived nearly getting fed to the Zillo Beast. That had been a bummer. “Fives!”
Fives jumps and blinks, nearly dropping his helmet. “Ah, yes sir?” he asks.
Anakin grins. “Time to implement Operation Gizka,” he says.
Fives blinks again and then grins. “Yes sir!” he states and jogs off, shouting, “Hardcase! Jesse! Kix! Coric! Echo! Time to initiate Operation Gizka!”
“Operation...Gizka?” Ahsoka echoes.
“You do not want to know,” Rex deadpans before he puts his helmet on his head. “Well, I’m off to make sure that things go according to plan.”
“Oh don’t be that way, Rex. You’re the one who helped me come up with Operation Gizka anyway,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“I won’t deny that. I just said that neither the Commander nor General Kenobi want to know what Operation Gizka consists of.” Rex salutes, adding, “I’ll be sure to record the entire thing for you, General Skywalker.”
“Awesome!” Anakin grins.
“What is Operation Gizka?” Obi-Wan asks as he watches Rex jog over to join Fives and the rest of the clones that Fives had called out.
Anakin just grins even wider and strides off.
“Anakin! What. Is. Operation. Gizka?!” Obi-Wan demands as he bolts after Anakin.
Bo-Katan turns to Ahsoka.
Ahsoka shakes her head. “I don’t even know,” she says. She pauses and adds, “Wait, do I go to Coruscant or do I go to Mandalore?”
“Go to Mandalore!” Anakin shouts before he bolts down the hallway with an irritated Obi-Wan chasing after him, demanding that he tell him what Operation Gizka is all about.
“Well, all right, I guess that decides that. I guess I’m going to Mandalore,” Ahsoka says.
“I guess so,” Bo-Katan says.
. . .
Ahsoka stares.
Rex manages to maintain a professional stance, though Ahsoka can tell by the way his form his trembling that he is repressing his laughter.
Fives, Echo, Hardcase, Coric, Kix, and Jesse aren’t even bothering on hiding their laughter. They are literally howling with laughter and rolling on the floor, clutching at their sides.
Even Bo-Katan seems to be trying her hardest to not burst out laughing.
Why?
Because Maul is currently curled up in the corner, staring with wide-eyed horror at the massive army if gizka that surround him. They chirp and hop closer and Maul whimpers, shrinking even further into the corner.
“Who would have known that the great bad Sith Maul is terrified of gizka?” Fives gasps out before bursting out into laughter all over again.
“How?” Ahsoka says finally, turning her gaze to Rex. “How did you even manage to do this? And how did you know that Maul is terrified of gizka?”
“We actually didn’t know Maul is terrified of gizka. That was just good luck on our part,” Rex admits with a shrug. “As for how we did this. You’d be surprised at what you can buy in the black market here on Mandalore.”
The gizka chirps and hops forward.
“Get it away!” Maul wails.
Rex loses it and bursts out laughing, doubling over as he laughs.
Bo-Katan loses it as well and starts laughing hysterically.
Even Ahsoka can’t hide her own snickers.
“Aww, the little bad Sith is afraid of these adorable little creatures?” she says around her snickers, her blue eyes sparkling with amusement.
“Get. It. Away!” Maul wails, shrinking even closer to the corner. How that’s possible, Ahsoka doesn’t know but it certainly doesn’t look comfortable.
The gizka chirps and hops forward.
Maul actually starts crying in utter terror.
Bo-Katan seems to be getting a lot of sadistic amusement out of this situation. Ahsoka can’t really blame her, given that this bastard did kill her sister.
“I suppose I may as well capture him now,” she says.
“Wait! Wait! I have to record this,” Echo says and pulls out a holorecorder. He immediately starts recording, snickering when the gizka hops forward and Maul starts wailing in terror again. “Okay, I’ve got enough. You can go ahead and capture him now, Commander.”
“Y...Yeah...” Ahsoka now knows what Operation Gizka was all about.
. . .
Rex makes his way into the command center after speaking with Ahsoka as the Star Destroyer heads through hyperspace back toward Coruscant.
He blinks upon seeing the hologram that’s waiting for him.
“Captain Rex,” the hologram says. “Execute Order 66.”
Rex blinks. “Okay...How badly did the General screw up this time that he let this happen?” he deadpans.
“What?”
“Go space yourself.” Rex hangs up on the Chancellor-Sith Lord and then contacts his general.
Anakin’s hologram materializes in front of him.
“General, any particular reason why our resident mastermind just tried to have Order 66 executed?” Rex asks.
“I wanted to see how everyone responded to the order. I will have to say that Commander Bly’s is my favorite so far! Who knew that he ended up falling in love with Aayla?” Anakin says with a grin.
“...What did Commander Bly say?” Rex asks in spite of himself.
“He said, and I quote, ‘Are you kriffing crazy? Do you really kriffing believe that I’m going to turn on my own General, the woman that I love! You’re a kriffing crazy...’ well, the rest involves a lot of curse words that I didn’t even know Commander Bly knew but you get the gist.”
“Okay...I have to know now. How did the others respond?”
“Cody just said no and hung up on the mastermind. Ponds literally went on a fifteen-minute long rant about why he isn’t about to turn on the Jedi and how Sidious is stupid to think that he will. Mace won’t stop laughing at that, since he’d been with Ponds when he let loose that rant. Wolffe wouldn’t even let Sidious finish. He just kept interrupting him with pointless pieces of trivia that he had picked up from the various planets he’s been on. Plo was laughing hysterically the entire time. It was great.”
“And Sidious?”
“He’s currently staring at his comlink in puzzlement. He just tried to issue the order to Commander Fox. Fox just flipped him off and hung up on him. Ha!” Anakin grins in amusement.
“Wait, you’re with Sidious?”
“Of course I am. I’m getting far too much enjoyment in listening to the various creative ways the GAR are telling Sidious to go space himself. I’ll take care of him in a little bit. Oh, this outta be good! Sidious just contacted Commander Gree.”
Rex’s lips twitch. That outta be interesting to say the least.
. . .
“Commander Gree.”
Gree folds his arms across his chest upon seeing the hologram of the mastermind that General Skywalker warned him about, not long after he had his own inhibitor chip removed. He doesn’t respond as he waits.
“Execute Order 66,” the mastermind says.
“Who the heck are you?” Gree demands. “You ain’t the Chancellor. You’re just some wrinkly far too pasty for his own good old man! Gees, you really need to get that skin of yours checked out. But, either way, you ain’t the Chancellor so you can go ahead and space yourself ‘cause I don’t know you! Ugh, kriffing prank callers!”
He promptly hangs up.
There’s a moment of pure silence.
Then Luminara Unduli bursts into laughter, a laughter that she had tried to contain to no avail.
Even Yoda is struggling to hide his own laughter.
. . .
Anakin is laughing hysterically.
Rex can understand why, since he had just overheard Gree’s response as well.
“I think you’ve had enough fun, sir,” he says once he managed to get his own snickers under control. “Are you going to take care of our resident mastermind or not?”
A whoosh sounds followed by the sound of shattering glass and a betrayed scream of, “Skywalker!”
“There, taken care of,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“...Did you just shove Palpatine out of a window?”
“I actually picked him up and threw him out of the window. Hmm, I’ll talk to you later, Rex. I’ve gotta go and make sure that the bastard is actually dead. I will not be happy, at all, if he somehow shows up alive again in the future. Tell Ahsoka I say hi. Bye.” Anakin hangs up.
Rex has this odd feeling that he doesn’t want to be Palpatine right now, if Palpatine somehow survived getting thrown through a window.
Oh well, not my problem.
. . .
“So you threw Palpatine out of a window?”
“Yup.”
“And you rammed your speeder into his body repeatedly just to make sure he was actually dead.”
“Yup.”
“And blew up the speeder while Palpatine was under it to make doubly sure.”
“Yup.”
“And then scattered his ashes into the ocean?”
“Had to be triply sure.”
Ahsoka stares at her unrepentant master.
Obi-Wan sighs. “I suppose I should be grateful that you didn’t blow anything up this time,” he says.
“Oh, no, I blew up the factory that held the Death Star plans within them months ago. Figured that I would nip that in the bud before it takes off,” says Anakin with a shrug.
“Wait, Death Star? What’s that?” Ahsoka says.
“You don’t want to know.”
Rex makes his way into the room with several members of the 501st, including Fives, Echo, Hardcase, Kix, Coric, and Jesse, behind him.
“Hi there,” Anakin greets with a wave of his hand. “How’d it go on Mustafar?”
“Explosions went off without a hitch, sir. The Separatists Council were more than willingly to negotiate an unconditional surrender after we ensured that they would never be able to get off Mustafar without our assistance,” Rex says.
“Ugh, it’s bloody hot on that planet! I can completely understand why the Separatist Council decided that they would rather surrender unconditionally then stay on that hot death trap forever,” Hardcase groans.
“Agreed,” Echo says with a nod.
“Definitely,” Fives says. “Oh, by the way, General, it looks like your Clone Rights Act was passed.”
“Well it’s about damn time! I got it passed so much sooner the last time I tried to pass it,” Anakin says with an exasperated sigh.
“Wait, last time?” Ahsoka echoes.
Anakin waves his hand dismissively. “Never mind. Well, Rex, if you want to go and ask Ahsoka out on a date, I suggest you do so now, while I’m in a good mood. She is my sister after all,” he says.
Rex’s face goes red.
Ahsoka’s own skin darkens.
“General!” Rex exclaims.
“Master!” Ahsoka exclaims at the same time.
Anakin shrugs. “What? You guys like each other? That’s what the graffiti that Rex painted on that wall in Iziz says,” he says.
“That was...Fives! You told the General that I did that?!” Rex exclaims.
Fives is backing toward the door, grinning in amusement. “Hey, we all know you’re thinking it. I just put your thinking into actual art! And, yes, I gave you the credit! Now go and kiss her already! We all know you want to!”
Rex’s eyes twitches. “Fives...” He growls.
Fives takes that as his cue and bolts.
“Get back here, you bastard! I’m going to have you running drills for three days straight!” Rex shouts as he bolts after Fives while Echo, Hardcase, and Jesse are laughing hysterically.
“Ten credits says Rex catches up to Fives before he leaves the Temple,” Coric says.
“Double it, and I say Fives manages to escape,” Kix says.
“Deal!”
Coric and Kix shake hands.
“So are you gonna be the one to ask Rex out, Snips?” Anakin asks.
He’s rewarded with a chair being thrown at his face. He dodges in time and, snickering, moves toward the door. “I’ll go and ask him for you!”
“Don’t you dare!” Ahsoka yells, jumping to her feet.
Anakin laughs and bolts.
Ahsoka bolts after him.
Obi-Wan just stares.
“You okay there, General Kenobi?” Kix asks.
Obi-Wan groans and sinks to the ground, burying his face into his hands. “I did not sign up for any of this,” he groans.
Kix and the rest of the 501st that are gathered laugh.
. . .
Notes:
Sidenote: Kix ends up wining the bet
Second Sidenote: Anakin doesn't ask Rex out for Ahsoka. Ahsoka plucks up the courage to do so herself. What can I say? I actually do like Rexsoka.Mostly because I am unsure of what to actually do with Anakin jumping in on the duel between Ahsoka and Vader on Malachor, I've decided to do something I'm far more familiar with (I haven't even finished watching Rebels yet). So the next chapter, we'll be jumping to the events of KOTOR, and it will include Cheeky! Revan because I am absolutely positive Cheeky! Revan is canon, and you can try to pry that headcanon out of my hands.
But that's then and this is now. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and that you found it funny. Reviews and kudos are much appreciated as usual.
Chapter 5: In Which Anakin and Revan Team Up, and the Galaxy Trembles
Summary:
"“I do like the idea of causing chaos for both the Jedi and the Sith,” he says.
“Sweet!” Anakin beams and sticks out a hand. “So we got a partnership?”
Revan grins and clasps Anakin’s hand with his own. “Oh you better believe that we do.”
And, even though they do not know why, every single member of the Jedi Council and Darth Malak all shiver."
Notes:
This is, by far, my longest chapter ever, mostly because I decided not to split up the events of KOTOR into more than one chapter. It would interrupt the flow, such that it is.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Revan remembers.
He remembers mostly everything, though not from lack of trying from the Jedi Council, and they certainly had tried, many times, to try to reprogram Revan with a false identity. They clearly overestimated their own power, or just had not expected interference from a young man whose power shone like a vergence in the Force.
“Who, exactly, are you?” Revan asks, frowning at the young man that’s standing next to his medical bed.
The Jedi healers and Council members had left him alone while they attempt to figure out a way to reprogram him, since all of their previous attempts have failed.
“I’m the one who’s been shielding your mind and preventing those idiots from reprogramming you, and who’s been healing you too,” the man says with a shrug, a grin stealing its way onto his lips. “You wanna help me with something?”
“Help you? Why?”
“We can cause chaos, drive the Jedi Council to insanity, and do the same to Malak and his Sith, and win the war while we’re at it.”
“...You’ve got my attention.”
The young man grins. “And I’ve got plenty of ideas on how to do that too,” he says. “But, first, we’re gonna have to make it seem like the Jedi council’s plan actually works ‘cause it would suck if they decided to execute you because their plans aren’t working.”
“Yes, I do not want to be executed anytime soon.” Revan folds his arms across his chest. “Who are you truly? And why do you want to cause chaos and drive both the Jedi and the Sith to insanity with your antics?”
“I’m Anakin Skywalker. As for why I want to do all that, well, frankly speaking, I’m bored as hell! This is my first time jumping into the past, you know, and...the Jedi and the Sith are still the same as in my time, just more numerous on the Sith’s side. So I may as well see what kind of havoc I can wreck before I’m yanked out of this time. And, since you’re like the catalyst for this entire point in time, we may as well team up.”
“Much of what you just said makes absolutely no sense, you know?”
“I get that a lot.”
“However,” Revan hums in thought. He does truly like the idea of wrecking havoc for Malak, the bastard betrayer, and, since he doesn’t particularly like the Jedi Council anyway, he may as well cause chaos for them.
It’s not like it’d be the first time. He, Alek—back when he had still been his friend—and Meetra did get into no end of trouble during their padawan years.
He grins. He does like the thought. “I do like the idea of causing chaos for both the Jedi and the Sith,” he says.
“Sweet!” Anakin beams and sticks out a hand. “So we got a partnership?”
Revan grins and clasps Anakin’s hand with his own. “Oh you better believe that we do.”
And, even though they do not know why, every single member of the Jedi Council and Darth Malak all shiver.
. . .
The Endar Spire is being attacked. Trask bolts down the hallway, heading for his quarters where his bunkmate likely doesn’t know what’s going on, since they work opposite shifts. He has to make sure that his bunkmate knows of what’s going on, and that he can help Trask in reaching Bastila and making sure she gets off the ship alive.
He bursts into the room, and freezes in surprise.
His bunkmate, Ensign Kando, looks up from where he’s looking at a set of cards that’s in his hands. “Oh, hi there,” he greets with a slight wave of his hand before he turns his gaze to the other person in the room. “I stand.”
“Me too.” The dirty-blonde-haired young man seated across from Kando shows his cards, a grin stealing its way onto his lips. “An even 20.”
Kando huffs and throws his cards down. “I swear you’re cheating,” he says and reaches out to grab his Pazaak side deck and shuffling the cards together, not even the slightest bit fazed by the fact that the Endar Spire is trembling violently around him.
“Ensign, we’re under attack,” Trask says, shaking himself out of his shock. “We have to get to the bridge. We have to reach Bastila and make sure she gets off this ship alive.”
Kando, to Trask’s surprise, waves a hand dismissively. “She’s a Jedi. She can take care of herself. Now, Anakin, ready for another round?”
The young man, Anakin, shrugs and picks up his own side deck, shuffling the cards. “I would but this ship seems like it’s about to blow up around us. Up for booking it out of here?”
“I suppose.”
“You owe me twenty credits though.”
“I do not. We’re at a draw.”
“No, we’re eight to seven wins in my favor.”
“The second to last round was a draw so it doesn’t count.”
“It so does.”
“It does not.”
“Soldier, we have to move!” Trask exclaims, stumbling when the Endar Spire trembles violently again. He has to grab the doorway in order to stop himself from falling but, to his surprise, neither Kando nor Anakin seems the slightest bit fazed by the trembling. They just rise in unison with each other and tuck their side decks away, able to keep their footing in spite of the way the Endar Spire is rocking like a boat in the middle of a storm.
“Okay, okay,” Kando says with a sigh. “You don’t have to shout. We’re coming.”
“And you? How did you even get in here?” Trask demands, pointing his hand at Anakin.
Anakin raises an eyebrow. “You’re asking me that now? Don’t you go something more important to worry about, like not getting blown to space dust along with this ship?” He shrugs and strides past Trask while Kando moves alongside him.
Trask whirls around, drags his hand through his hair with a sigh of irritation and quickly darts after them.
. . .
Anakin barely listens to Carth Onasi describing the situation that’s going on onboard the Endar Spire, primarily because he’s in the thick of the entire fight so he can’t really hear Onasi that well. It’s not like it matters to him. He’s just there to cause chaos and he’s learned quite a bit during his many jumps across time, and the many many times he’s relived his life, that his enemies aren’t really that hard to take down.
They’re nothing compared to the Yuuzhan Vong or Abeloth.
Anakin shivers at the memory of the time he jumped into that alternate universe. Yeah, he definitely doesn’t want to repeat that.
They burst onto the bridge and, not even waiting for that soldier with them—what is his name again? Anakin doesn’t even remember if he ever got it—to catch up with them, they bolt around the bridge and toward the next room.
“Are you even paying attention to what the captain is saying?” the soldier exclaims.
“No, I’m just trying to get the kriff off this ship before it’s turned into space dust,” Revan says as the two of them bolt into the next chamber. Anakin throws his lightsaber, using the Force to guide it so that it slices through half of the guards in the room, before using the Force to slam the other half into the bulkheads.
“You’re a Jedi?!” The soldier exclaims.
Anakin gives him a puzzled look. “I’ve been using my lightsaber since we left Kando’s room. And you’re just now noticing?”
“Well, to be fair, I wasn't really paying attention...”
“...” Anakin raises an eyebrow at Revan.
“Don’t look at me. I did not choose him as my bunkmate. I’ve never even met him before today,” Revan says with a shrug and throws his vibroblade when the door opens and another Sith trooper steps into the room. The vibroblade spears them through the chest and they topple onto their backs in the doorway.
Revan strides forward and yanks his vibroblade out of the trooper. “The escape pods should be just past the next set of doors,” he says as he strides around the fallen trooper.
“How did you know he was coming?” the soldier blurts out.
“Questions later, escape exploding ship now,” Anakin says sharply as he bolts after Revan. “Honestly! I love blowing things up but not while I’m on them! Kriffing Sith!”
“You...love blowing things up?” the soldier says in fear.
Anakin waves a dismissive hand at the soldier. “Only the people I don’t like, and Palpatine. You would not believe how many times I’ve tried to blow him up on time and he still ended up being alive! That pissed me off more than anything,” he says with much irritation in his voice.
“Who’s Palpatine?” Revan says, raising an eyebrow.
“A stupid Sith bastard who would not stay dead for the longest time!” Anakin exclaims, unable to hide his rage at the memory.
And then the door opens and a bald dark Jedi wielding a double-bladed lightsaber strides into the room.
The soldier starts forward.
Revan grabs his arm and yanks him back.
Anakin cracks his knuckles, a grin stealing its way onto his lips. “Well, since I can’t hack Palpatine into a million pieces, I can settle for killing Malak’s apprentice,” he says as he calls his lightsaber to his hand. “Hey, Kando, is there an airlock near here?”
“In the next room,” Revan says.
Anakin grins widely. “Sweet...” He lunges at the apprentice, his blue lightsaber crashing into the apprentice’s double-bladed lightsaber as he drove him deeper into the room. He slams a foot into the apprentice’s gut, knees him in the chin, slams a Force blast into him that sends him flying backwards into the wall, and then proceeds to beat the ever living bantha shit out of the apprentice with his fists and his lightsaber hilt.
Calmly, he picks up the apprentice’s unconscious body, opens the airlock, and chugs the apprentice out of it.
He turns and strides back into the previous room where the soldier is staring with wide-eyed shock.
Revan raises an eyebrow but all he says is, “Did you get out all of your pent-up frustration and anger?”
“Yup,” Anakin says.
“I should feel sorry for that Sith but since he’s Malak’s apprentice, I really don’t give a damn. C’mon, let’s get out of here, and, Anakin, can you grab Trask over there? I think he’s in shock.”
Trask. So that’s the soldier’s name? Huh.
Anakin shrugs, grabs Trask, slings him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and follows Revan into the aft section of the Endar Spire.
. . .
Carth does not know what to make of the young Jedi known as Anakin Skywalker.
Even though he, somehow, managed to walk away from the crashed escape pod without so much as a scratch on him, though he had been complaining about a major headache, and even though he was clearly a skilled Jedi, there is something still off about him.
Or maybe Carth is only thinking that because Anakin is currently painting the wall of the Upper City apartments as he walks out of them for another scouting mission. Ensign Kando is currently on his own scouting mission, though Carth isn’t quite sure where he is.
“Why are you painting the wall?” he asks, raising an eyebrow and deciding against referring to Anakin as a Jedi, lest it draw unwanted attention.
Granted, the paints that depicts the Jedi Order’s crest is already drawing a lot of unwanted attention.
“Boredom,” Anakin says with a shrug as he jumps down from where he had been hanging on the edge of the building.
“And why that crest? Do you want to draw attention to us?” Carth demands.
“I think everyone is more preoccupied with the riot that’s occurring on the other side of the city.”
“Wait, riot? What riot?”
. . .
“You alien scum!”
“Say that to my face, you kriffing sleemo!”
“I’ll kick your ass!”
“Get over here and we aliens can show you exactly what we’re capable of!”
Revan leans against the wall as he casually balances on the windowsill of one of the higher level apartments on the Upper East side of Upper Taris. He grins as the large number of aliens that he had convince to rise up against the humans, and the Sith, are shouting and protesting.
And they just so happened to have their hands on stun guns that they are using on any human or Sith that tries to stop their protests.
Revan is so glad that his old codes still work and that he had been able to not only infiltrate the Sith Military Base and highjack all of their non-lethal weapons, and set grenades on the rest that should be going off any minute now, but also steal their launch codes. It really does pay to have once been the Sith Master in charge of the Sith Empire that Malak had taken from him.
Malak is an idiot for not thinking to change the codes for all of the Sith Military Bases.
The Sith Governor stalks forward. “What is the meaning of this?” he demands.
“Down with the Sith!” One Ithorian shouts.
“Get off our planet, Sith!” A Twi’lek shouts.
“Sith scum,” a Rodian shouts.
The Governor scowls as he moves forward. “You are in direct violation of the laws of the Sith Empire and you will...” He breaks off when someone throws a pieces of rotten fruit into his face—once again supplied by Revan—and the rest of the protesters take up doing the exact same thing.
“You filthy pieces of scum!” The Sith governor shouts as he lunges forward, vibroblade in hand and aimed the nearest alien.
Revan waves his hand.
The bucket of Tarisian ale that he had floating above the Sith tips over and falls, drenching the Sith and their governor in the highly pungent alcohol. The governor slips on the ale that’s at his feet and yelps, sliding across the floor.
The protesters scramble to the side and the governor goes sliding into the baskets upon baskets of rotten fruit and vegetables that lay beyond the protesters.
The Sith troopers stare, clearly not sure of what to do.
The protesters charge forward, stun weapons firing.
“I’d run if I were you,” Anakin says, appearing quite suddenly at the troopers’ sides.
They don’t need to be told twice. They turn and book it with the alien protesters chasing after them.
Revan laughs and jumps down from the apartment building. He lands lightly on the ground and walks over to join the Sith governor that is struggling to get to his feet. He briefly reaches out as subtly as he can with the Force and, once seeing that Carth isn’t close enough to see or hear what is happening, he kneels beside the Governor.’
The governor’s eyes widen. “You…” he begins.
“I’m alive, di’kut,” Revan says. “Now we can do this two ways. Either you leave Taris and give Malak a message from me, and never bother the population of this planet again while you’re still here, or I can drop you over the side of this walkway.”
The governor gulps. “You wouldn’t,” he says, trying to muster some bravery as he still tries to get to his feet, only to slip on the rotten fruits, vegetables, and spilled ale.
“You do know who I am, right? You seem to recognize me. If you really know who I am then you should already know that I most definitely would. Now be a good boy and choose the first option. I really don’t want to drop anyone over the side of this walkway, at least not today.”
The governor gulps and nods quickly.
“Perfect.” Revan sits back on his heels and hands the governor a recorder. “Just give that to Malak and run. You do not want to be close to Malak after he listens to that recording, you really don’t.”
The governor nods, jumps to his feet, slips and falls, but gets back to his feet and books it.
“So what’s on that recording?” Anakin asks as he joins Revan.
Revan grins.
“I should have a bad feeling about that grin but, given that I usually have that kind of grin on my lips all the time recently, I don’t.”
“Well, I do. What the kriff did I just miss?” Carth demands as he, out of breath, joins them.
Anakin raises an eyebrow. “Man, you’re out of shape. How are you in the military and yet you couldn’t even keep up with me without losing your breath?”
“You jumped from one building to the next to get here. I had to take the long way,” Carth says with a grimace on his lips. “So what happened here?”
“A riot. I already told you that,” Anakin says.
“Yeah but what kind of riot?”
Revan shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. C’mon, lets get down into the Lower City and find Bastila,” he says.
. . .
“You cannot go down there. Only official Sith can get down there and, judging by how you are dressed, you do not qualify, unless you have the authorization papers,” the Sith guard that stands at the entrance to the elevator that leads into the Lower City says.
“Anakin, keep Carth busy,” Revan says as he strides forward.
Anakin grins, grabs Carth’s arm, and begins dragging him away.
“Wait, where are you taking me? And why are you dragging me? Anakin!” Carth exclaims in confused protest as Anakin strides off, heading for the cantina that lay beyond the chamber in which the elevator to the Lower City is located.
Revan folds his arms across his chest upon standing in front of the Sith guard before raising a hand and using the Force to plunge into the guard’s mind, immediately showing him who Revan truly is.
The guard is trembling with shock. “You...L...Lord Revan?” he stammers out and goes to kneel but Revan waves a hand to stop him from doing so.
“Oh goodie. You’re one of the ones that’s still loyal. Great. How many more on Taris are like you?” Revan asks.
“Erm...twenty...”
“...Well, it’s actually more than I thought it would be,” Revan muses. “Huh. Well, I really was just curious. Okay, so you’re going to let me and my companions get into the Lower City, and you are going to let the Sith that are likely guarding the elevator to the Undercity that we are free to go down there as well. And you are going to do that right now before I hack into the system and put you on sanitation duty for a year.”
“S...Sanitation duty?” the guard asks.
“In the Undercity.”
The guard is quick to grab his comlink and begin issuing the orders.
“Good boy,” Revan says and strides off to go and find Anakin and Carth.
. . .
“Okay, what just happened?”
Carth is red with embarrassment, and currently only dressed in a pair of underwear and his shoes.
Anakin is grinning with much amusement as he leans against the wall while the rest of the people gathered around the pazaak table are laughing hysterically. “You told me to keep him busy,” he says.
“I was not...quite expecting this to be your plan,” Revan says, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice.
“Carth is absolutely terrible at Pazaak,” says Anakin with a shrug. “And I was able to convince these nice gentlemen to not bet credits, mostly because I really wanted to see this. Besides, she seems to be getting a kick out of seeing Carth shirtless.” He waves his hand toward a red-haired woman who is gazing longingly at Carth’s bare chest.
Carth’s face goes even redder. “Can we just get out of here while I still have my dignity?” he exclaims.
Anakin snorts. “Carth, you lost your dignity when you lost your pants,” he says.
That causes the entire table to burst into hysterical laughter again while Carth seems to invent a new shade of red.
Revan doesn’t even bother on hiding his snickers this time. “Well, c’mon, let’s go. We’ve got what we came here for so we can continue,” he says and, turning, adds, “Oh, Anakin? Please get Carth’s clothes back for him, would you?”
“I’m really curious about how the swoop gangs down in the Lower City will react to a half-naked Carth,” Anakin says thoughtfully.
“Probably be scarred for life, since I’m pretty sure the gangs are mostly male,” says Revan with a shrug. “And, no, we are not scarring the gangs for life.”
“Damn it.”
“We’ll save that for a bigger enemy.”
Anakin grins.
“Wait, what are you talking about?” Carth says in puzzlement.
“Go and get changed, Carth,” Anakin says, tossing Carth his clothes and wincing when Carth’s blaster smacks him in the face. “Oh...whoops. Sorry.”
Carth grumbles but gathers everything together and bolts toward the nearest restroom.
. . .
“Anakin! Will you stop humming?”
“I can’t help it. I’m bored. This is the longest elevator ride that I’ve ever been on.”
“That doesn’t mean that you should be humming all the time. It was fine at first but now it’s starting to get annoying.”
“You clearly don’t have good taste in music then.”
Revan rolls his eyes. “Well, it’s not like I’ve had a lot of time to actually enjoy any music,” he says.
“You should. It’s quite relaxing,” Anakin says.
“Not when it’s annoying the kriff outta me.”
Anakin shrugs. “If you’re so annoyed, take it out on the gangs when we reach the Lower City,” he says.
“Oh I plan to,” Revan says. “But I might end up smacking you first if you keep that up before we even reach the Lower City.”
“So long as it’s not with your vibroblade, I’m okay with that.”
“It will be with my vibroblade.”
Anakin promptly shuts up and stops humming, though he’s still grinning.
The elevator ride continues to drag on.
“Oh c’mon!” Anakin exclaims and throws himself to the ground. “I feel like I’ve been in this elevator for like three hours!”
“It’s only been five minutes, Anakin,” Carth says with a sigh, running his hand down his face. “How are you a Jedi when you’re so impatient?”
“I dunno. How are you a soldier when it took you so long to catch up to me back in the Upper City?”
“I had to take the long way!” Carth groans and takes a deep breath, clearly trying to calm his frustration down, before adding, “Not everyone can just leap from building to building like you can.”
“It pays to be a Jedi, it really does, well, not in monetary value. I had to bill the Jedi Council one time just to buy a family of gizka.”
Revan shivers at the mention of gizka. He really can’t stand those little creatures. They’re adorable, yeah, but they always get underfoot and it’s annoying.
“...Okay, I’ll bite. Why did you buy a family of gizka?” Carth asks, curious in spite of himself.
Anakin grins.
“On second thought, I really don’t want to know.”
. . .
“So we gotta help ya steal a prototype accelerator in order to get your sponsorship to participate in the annual swoop gang race in order to save Bastila? That about sum it up?”
“Yes.”
Anakin folds his arms across his chest as he studies Gadon Thek, the leader of the Hidden Beks that Mission, the Twi’lek they met in Jayvar’s Cantina, suggested they talk to in order to find out about Bastila.
“Okay, sounds easy enough. So we break into the Black Vulkar’s Base, steal the accelerator, blow up the base, and come back here?”
“Yes, wait, I never said anything about blowing up the base?” Gadon exclaims.
“Well, it’d pretty much cut down on the number of enemies we’ll likely have to wade through to save Bastila,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“That plan does have its merits,” Revan says with a thoughtful hum escaping his lips. “Though I would wait until after the race, so they don’t try to move Bastila and cancel the race.”
“Why are you talking about blowing up the base?” Carth exclaims.
“You think you got enough explosives to blow up the Black Vulkar base?” Anakin asks.
“If not, I know of how to get more,” Revan says with a grin.
“We are not blowing up the Black Vulkar base!” Carth exclaims.
“I dunno...that might stop the threat of the Vulkars forever,” Gadon says thoughtfully.
“Yeah and cut down on the threats to your life as well,” says Zaerdra.
“Why is everyone for blowing up the Vulkar’s base?!” Carth exclaims, throwing his hands up.
Everyone exchanges glances and then shrugs.
“It’s the best solution to get rid of the threat,” says Gadon.
Carth sighs.
. . .
They go into the Undercity, find the journals that will allow the Outcasts in the Undercity to find the Promised Land, save Mission’s friend Zaalbar from Gammorean slavers—which causes Zaalbar to swear a life debt to Revan, and thus causes both him and Mission to join their group—and break into the Black Vulkar’s base.
They free a waitress and a member of the old gang before Brejik took over.
And they get the prototype accelerator.
And…
“Um, Anakin, why are you placing thermal detonators everywhere we walk,” Mission asks as Anakin lodges another thermal detonator into a corner of the recent hallway that they just walked into.
Anakin grins. “It’s a secret,” he says.
Mission frowns and turns to Revan.
“It’s Anakin’s plan so ask him,” Revan says with a shrug.
Mission turns to Carth.
Carth is too busy rubbing his temples and glaring at the ground in irritation to notice the questioning stare of the young Twi’lek.
“Okay...” The Twi’lek then shrugs and keeps on walking.
. . .
“You cheated! You used a prototype accelerator to win the race!” Brejik exclaims not long after Anakin won the annual swoop gang race, and without using the prototype accelerator. Seriously, why the heck would he use that when he is more than capable of winning the race on his own? Hello? He is the youngest pod racer, and the only human one, to win the Boonta Eve Classic.
“Hey, check my swoop bike, ya asshole,” Anakin says, a scowl twisting his lips. “I won that race fair and square!”
“You...”
“It is true, Brejik,” the Duros behind the front desks says a few minutes later when his technician comes back. “There is no prototype accelerator in the swoop bike that Skywalker used to win the race. Therefore, he won the race legally.”
Brejik scowls. “That...That...I don’t care. I’m still going to keep my share of the victory prize.”
He yelps as he finds himself thrown through the window, raining shards of glass down to the lower levels beneath their feet.
“Anakin!” Carth exclaims, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
“What?” Anakin gives him an innocent expression as he casually throws the rest of the Black Vulkars that are drawing their weapons through the window as well. “This just takes care of them and...” He presses a button on his comlink.
A massive boom echoes and Anakin turns, grinning upon seeing the massive fireball that had once been the Black Vulkar base. “And that takes care of the rest of them. That explosion was artistic! I gotta thank Sabine for the tips the next time I see her!”
Revan is doubled over, laughing hysterically, while Bastila, who had just freed herself, is staring with utter shock and horror in her gray eyes.
Carth sighs. “I suppose we should be glad that the Black Vulkar base is the only thing that you blew up,” he says.
“Well, actually...”
“...”
“Anakin, what. Did. You. Do?!”
Anakin grins.
. . .
Carth and Bastila all stare at the smoldering remains of the Sith Military Base.
Revan is on the ground, howling with laughter, while Anakin has a shit-eating grin on his face.
“You...You seriously...you blew up the Sith Military Base? How?!” Carth exclaims, whirling around to stare at Anakin.
“To be fair, I just pressed the button. Kando’s the one that set everything up so that it would blow up,” Anakin say with a shrug and nudges the still laughing, and still on the ground, Revan with one foot. “Are you gonna stop laughing anytime soon? Or not until you pass out from lack of breath?”
“Don’t know...yet,” Revan manages to get out before he starts laughing again.
“Okay, why does Kando find this so amusing?” Carth says, raising an eyebrow.
“Ask him. But let’s go find a way to get off this planet. We should go track down Canderous, since he did offer us a chance to get off the planet so we might as well take it,” Anakin says with a shrug. He waves a hand toward the still shocked Bastila and adds, “Oh, and can someone grab Bastila? I think she’s in shock.”
Revan, finally getting over his hysterical laughter, rises to his feet, shrugs, and strides over to join Bastila. He scoops her up into her arms, bridal style, strides off, ignoring the way Bastila’s face went red and her yelling at him to put her down.
Anakin casually catches a picture of it on the holocam he stole—he means bought—earlier.
Carth rubs his temples. “I am getting too old for this,” he says.
“Welcome to my Master’s world, Carth,” Anakin says.
. . .
“So you...already have the Sith launch codes and, somehow, got them before the Sith Base was turned into a burning ruin?” Canderous asks.
“Yup,” Revan says.
“Now it’s time to keep your end of the bargain,” Anakin says.
“Of course,” Canderous says and grins. “I have this odd feeling you two know more about the Sith Base’s destruction than you’re letting on.”
Revan and Anakin exchange glances and grins. “No comment,” they say in unison.
“Well, all right. Let’s get T3, get to Davik’s estate, and blow this joint,” Canderous says.
“And do so soon too,” Revan says. “I have this odd feeling that Malak may have just gotten my little message.”
“What, exactly, is the message, Rev?” Anakin asks, since they are alone in Jayvar’s Cantina, as Bastila and Carth are waiting outside, not wanting to draw too much attention by coming in in a large group.
Revan grins.
. . .
“My Lord?”
Darth Malak turns, raising an eyebrow upon seeing the Sith Governor that he had placed in charge of the Sith Base on Taris, after disposing of the last one that had been loyal to his old master—he should probably find the rest that are still loyal to his old master at some point—walking toward him.
“Governor, should you not be on Taris?” he demands.
“I know I should, my Lord, but I was told to deliver this message to you,” the Governor says and holds out a recorder to Malak.
Malak frowns but uses the Force to call the recorder to his hand.
He’s a bit surprised when the Sith Governor bolts off the bridge as if the hounds of hell are after him, to the point where he is using the Force to throw anyone that gets in his way to the side and slamming open doors so hard that they have likely been lodged into the wall. He makes a note to fix those later.
He turns on the recording.
“Yo, Al-Al!”
Malak’s eyes twitches at the irritating nickname, especially coming from the lips of the familiar man that is hovering above the recorder.
Revan…
“As you can probably surmise by this recording, I’m still alive, though I don’t want to be a Sith anymore. It’s too...boring. By the way, the Sith Base blew up, not my fault! Well, actually, it partially was, and you should know that I transmitted that picture of you during our Jedi years, right after our mission to Taris during the Mandalorian Wars, to the entire Sith fleet. You know the one? When you lost that bet with Meetra? Here, this one.”
An image appears, of Malak in a dress with a blonde wig resting on his head.
Malak screeches in rage and the holorecorder shatters in his hands.
He whirls around to glares at the rest of the crew on the bridge, all of whom are quickly shutting down their screens, though he can sense the amusement that they are trying so hard to hide.
“That’s it! Revan, you are so dead, deader than you should already be! Karath! Bomb the entire planet! Wipe this pathetic planet, and that bastard Revan, from the face of this galaxy! Now!” Malak screams.
“Ah...yes sir.” Karath apparently decides to not even bother on arguing and, given how enraged Malak is, that likely just saved his life.
. . .
“Damn these Sith. They’re bringing the entire planet down on our heads,” Davik exclaims as Anakin, Revan, Carth, Canderous, and Bastila make their way into the hangar bay.
“Those Sith certainly mean business. We need to get out of here,” Calo Nord says.
“Actually, that’s my fault,” Revan says with a shrug. “I transmitted a message to Malak that he likely took very...badly. Maybe he thinks destroying an entire planet will actually kill me or something.”
“Why would Malak want to kill you?” Carth asks.
“I did transmit a photo of him in a wig and a dress to the entire Sith fleet...”
“...”
Anakin bursts out into hysterical laughter.
Carth has a very disturbed expression on his face, which tells Anakin that he likely just pictured that.
Bastila is just staring at Revan in shock. “Wait, how did you manage that?”
“Tricked the Sith Governor into giving me the codes necessary to do that, and then tricked him into giving me the launch codes, and then tricked him into being my messenger boy. I sure hope that he took my advice and bolted as soon as he handed the recorder over,” Revan says thoughtfully.
“How did you…?”
“Is now really the time? In case you haven’t noticed, this planet is getting blown to smithereens, and those two just got buried under debris while we were talking so we should have a clear path to the Ebon Hawk,” Revan says.
Anakin turns and hums. The debris really had buried Calo and Davik.
“Should probably make sure Calo is actually dead. I’ve seen people, supposedly, kill him before and he just comes back alive later,” Canderous says with a shrug.
Anakin’s eye twitches, a growl escaping his lips as he thinks about Palpatine. He yanks Revan’s vibroblade out of its scabbard and storms toward Calo Nord, and proceeds to hack him into a million pieces.
“Is that...really necessary?” Bastila says, looking a little green in the face.
“I’m making sure that he doesn’t come back alive. I absolutely hate it when people I think are dead just pop up alive again, even more so when they’re enemies.” Anakin, for good measure, also slices Calo’s head off.
Bastila shudders and turns away.
“How are you a Jedi again?” Carth asks.
“Eh, can’t really say I am a Jedi. Either way, let’s book it.”
. . .
“Plot a course for Dantooine. There’s a Jedi Enclave there. We can find refuge there,” Bastila says, having gotten over what happened in Davik’s estate right before they left. They are currently in the safety of hyperspace, after Anakin happily took out every single Sith fighter that had been thrown at them without missing a beat.
“Do we have to go back to the Jedi?” Anakin whines.
“I’m with Anakin,” Revan says. “Granted, I suppose we should figure out if that jungle wampa ever got delivered to the Enclave?”
“True. I sure hope Chestnut Jr is doing all right.”
“Jungle wampa?” Bastila exclaims.
“Chestnut Jr?” Mission sounds like she’s about to burst out laughing.
“Hey, I like the name,” Anakin protests. “And, don’t worry, Bastila. Chestnut Jr’s tamed. I saved him a while ago and decided that he would be save with the Jedi. He’ll definitely protect everyone. I told him that the Jedi and the innocent are to be protected. I can’t say the same about anyone who threatens the Jedi or the innocent though so...” He shrugs.
Bastila just stares. “Who, exactly, are you anyway?” she says.
“I’m Anakin, the Jedi Stuck in Time who has decided that since he’s stuck in this time, he may as well make the most of it!”
“...What?” Bastila says dumbfounded.
“They always get that way whenever I tell them the truth. It’s like they don’t believe me,” Anakin says with a pout.
“To be fair, it is a pretty far-fetched idea that I doubt anyone who isn’t me would have believed themselves,” says Revan with a shrug. “And I do because...well, I can’t explain it. I just know you’re telling the truth.”
“Works for me.”
Bastila is still staring at Anakin like he’s grown a second head.
. . .
The Jedi Council on Dantooine don’t look happy.
Granted, that can be because of the jungle wampa that is in their council chamber, purring as a couple of younger Jedi are happily petting his thick fur or climbing over him or chatting with him.
“Chestnut Jr!” Anakin exclaims and bolts to the jungle wampa who lifts his head and growls happily in greeting. The young Jedi climb off the wampa as he rises and meets Anakin halfway, wrapping him up in large furry arms.
“It’s good to see you again, Chestnut Jr,” Anakin says with a grin on his lips.
Chestnut Jr growls and, releasing Anakin, immediately moves over to Revan and grabs him in a fierce bear hug as well.
Revan rolls his eyes but pats the giant jungle wampa on the back. “Yes, yes, good to see you too,” he says.
“Ahem,” Vander coughs.
“Oh, you’re still here?” Anakin casts a dismissive glance at the Jedi Council and then stretches his arms above his head. “Well, I’ll leave you to your training, Kando. C’mon, Chestnut Jr, let’s go terrorize the Mandalorian Raiders we were told about when we arrived.”
Chestnut Jr growls and, releasing Revan, bound after Anakin.
Revan’s eyes take on a look of utter terror. “Wait, Anakin! Don’t leave me alone with the Council!” he exclaims.
“Hey, you gotta train and all that,” Anakin calls over his shoulder.
“Kriff that! I am not staying more than two minutes with the kriffing Council! Kriff training. I’m going with you!” Revan bolts after Anakin who shrugs.
“Be my guest,” he says and the two of them, with Chestnut Jr bounding between them, hurry out of the Council chamber.
. . .
“So you two are the Jedi that have been taking out my raiders,” Sherruk says, folding his arms across his chest.
“Yup,” Anakin says.
“They are too easy to take out,” Revan says with a shrug.
“You will find that I am not as easy to take out,” Sherruk snaps as he draws his vibroblade, the rest of his men doing the same.
“Chestnut Jr?” Anakin calls. “I’ve got some punks that I need you to rip to pieces.”
A growl sounds and Anakin and Revan step back as Chestnut Jr crashes into the Mandalorian’s men and begins to tear them to pieces with his claws and teeth.
Sherruk stares in utter horror and turns to gaze at the jungle wampa that growls at him, bearing his bloodstained teeth. “Ah...I do believe that...this is a fight that...is not worthy of my time. Yeah, that’s it,” he says and bolts.
He doesn’t get very far before Anakin’s lightsaber crashes into his neck, severing it from his body.
“Kriffing cowardly Mandalorians,” Anakin huffs as he catches the lightsaber as it flew back to his hand. “I can understand why Canderous doesn’t like them as they are now. At least they aren’t pacifist, though this isn’t really any better.”
“Pacifist?” Revan raises an eyebrow. “This I gotta know.”
“Arin!” A shout sounds and Revan and Anakin turn to find Bastila running towards them. “Arin, the Jedi Council wants to speak with you.”
Revan’s face takes on a look of terror and he turns to Anakin. “Run?” he says.
“Run,” Anakin agrees and the two bolt in the opposite direction, ignoring the shouts that Bastila is directing at them to stop.
. . .
“So you’re Juhani?” Anakin asks as he studies the Cathar that he had just beat in combat when he and Revan stumbled upon the Cathar’s grove after finally managing to escape Bastila’s pursuit. Revan is leaning against a nearby leaning monolith, watching the area for any signs of kath hounds or Bastila or Jedi.
“Yes, and this is my grove. This is the place that I sought to embrace the dark side,” Juhani says firmly.
“Why did you embrace the dark side?”
“When I slew my master, Quattra, I knew that I could not go back so I came here and...”
“Okay, I don’t want the whole backstory. I’m gonna put this simply. You can always come back from the darkness, I did...like who knows how many times to count—long story there—and it doesn’t forever dominate your destiny. Just apologize to the Jedi Council, tell them that you regret what has happened, and that you feel remorse for what you did, and they will take you back.”
Juhani gasps, her eyes wide. “You...You really think they would take me back?” she whispers.
“They took me back, in my time, and I basically helped destroy the entire Jedi Order, and the entire Republic. You can’t possibly top that.”
“Yes, that is quite...bad...”
Revan cast a glance toward Juhani. “Believe me, Juhani,” he says, upon hearing the hesitation in Juhani’s voice. “The dark side is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a life of loneliness, of pain, of destruction, of anger and hate. That is not what you should allow to consume your life. You are in charge of your own life, and you do not need to allow the darkness to take control of your life. Go and tell the Jedi Council that you are willingly to work toward releasing the darkness within you and walking the path of the light. You will find your true path, Juhani, and the darkness will not take that from you if you do not let it.”
“Yes, you both are correct,” Juhani says softly before she rises to her feet. She pauses and adds, “Though...why did you two run into my...this grove as if the hounds of hell were after you?”
“Arin!” A shout sounds and Revan immediately pushes away from the stone wall.
“Kriff! Bastila got back up!” he exclaims.
“Who?” Anakin demands.
“Vrook and Zhar.”
“Kriff! Later Juhani!”
“Bye!”
Both Revan and Anakin launch themselves, with use of the Force to augment their jump, over the ruins that Juhani had been found it and bolt across the plains of Dantooine while Juhani watches them go with puzzlement in her eyes.
. . .
“So these are the Crystal Caves?” Anakin says as he and Revan make their way into the crystal caves. He hisses when he slams his head into the roof of the cavern and ducks down, noticing that Revan has to do the same thing. These caves are not made for tall people.
“Yup. Ugh, kinrath. Mind lending me your lightsaber?” Revan asks, holding out a hand behind him.
Anakin hands him his lightsaber.
Revan ignites it and throws it, using the Force to guide it so that it severs each kinrath that is about to attack them neatly in half. He catches the hilt and, deactivating the blade, hands it back to Anakin.
“That was easy enough,” Anakin comments as they reach the center of the caves, which has a higher ceiling so they’re both able to actually stand up and not hit their heads on the ceiling. “Well, time to raid these crystals.”
They begin searching through the various crystals. Revan is more than a little happy to get his hands on two purple crystals while Anakin just tucks the various green, blue, and yellow crystals that he finds in his pouch.
Once they had cleared the entire cave out of crystals, they make their way out of the caves.
Bastila is standing there, with Vrook and Zhar standing on either side of her. She has her arms folded across her chest. “There you are, Arin,” she says.
“And now I’m gone. Bye.” Revan launches himself into the air, taking him to the top of the hill the cave is tucked into and he vanishes over its side.
Anakin gives Bastila and the two Jedi Masters a cheeky wave and follows Revan over the top of the hill.
Bastila’s frustrated exclamation and the frustration that wafts off the Jedi Masters that they don’t release out loud echoes behind them, leading both of them to snicker as they bolt across the fields.
. . .
“So...wait...you mean to tell me that you captured Shen because you thought the Mateles murdered your son Cassus and you wanted Ahlan Matele to experience the same pain that you felt? And then, upon finding out that Cassus was actually killed by kath hounds, you’re still blaming the Mateles?” Anakin folds his arms across his chest. “I know you’re grieving and all that but are you an idiot?”
“And now you won’t even let your own daughter be happy because you can’t stand the Mateles, even though it’s clear that Rehasia and Shen are deeply in love with each other? You’re seriously allowing the feud between your families to get in the way of your children’s happiness?” Revan demands and turns to glare at Ahlan. “And that goes for you too!”
Nurik and Ahlan stare at each other.
“You know...he’s right,” Ahlan says finally.
Nurik sighs. “It hurts, yeah, but he is right. All right. We’ll let Rehasia and Shen stay together but they’re living with me!”
“No, they’re living with me!” Ahlan shouts.
“Just build a kriffing house in between both of your territories. Simple enough,” Anakin deadpans.
“You know that’s not a bad idea,” Ahlan comments.
“Yeah, it’s a good idea. Okay, we’ll go with that,” says Nurik.
Rehasia and Shen smile brightly at each other and embrace.
“Aww, I always love happy endings,” Anakin gushes.
Revan shrugs.
“Arin! Listen...” Bastila begins as she runs toward them with Zhar, Vrook, and now Dorak running behind her.
“And...that’s our cue. I want an invitation to the wedding,” Revan calls as he launches himself onto the roof of the Matele estate and bolts across it.
“Me too!” Anakin shouts and launches himself onto the roof of the state, bolting after Revan across the roof and onto the plains that lay beyond.
. ..
“So these are the ruins that you and Malak explored?” Anakin gazes around the decrepit ruins that he and Revan are making their way into. “What a dump.”
“The Rakatans weren’t exactly that...creative,” Revan says with a grimace as they make their way across the entryway and enter the main chamber, where the droid that stands at the center of the room greets them in a language that Anakin can’t understand.
“Ancient Rakatan,” Revan says. “I can understand it. It recognizes me so he just told us that we can go and see the Star Map now. May as well bury it so that no one else has access to it. The less people who know about the Forge’s location, the better.”
“Agreed. Oh! Oh! Can I blow up the chamber the Star Map is hidden in?” Anakin whips out an entire backpack filled to the brim of thermal detonators.
Revan looks at Anakin and then shrugs. “Sure, why not?” he says.
Anakin whoops and bolts into the chamber with a chuckling Revan running after him.
While Revan is downloading the information for the Star Map onto his heavily encrypted datapad, Anakin is happily placing thermal detonators all throughout the chamber, in corners, on the ceiling, on the floor, around the Star Map, around the door. Basically, he is placing the detonators on every visible surface in the chamber, with the exception of the Star Map itself.
“I don’t think anything can destroy that thing,” Anakin admits.
“Likely not. Are all the detonators placed?” Revan asks.
“Yup.”
“Then let’s get out of here.”
“Agreed. I don’t like being in places that are about to explode.” Anakin and Revan bolt out of the chamber and out of the ruins themselves. Once they are past the ruins, Anakin activates the detonators and both he and Revan are treated to a powerful, and very colorful, explosion that sends a shockwave through the ground.
“Okay, how did you manage to make it look colorful?” Revan asks.
“I didn’t just use thermal detonators. I also used something that an ally of mine, Sabine, taught me how to do to make this more...creative,” says Anakin with a grin.
Revan hums. “I like it,” he says.
“Arin!” A voice exclaims.
Revan and Anakin turn to find Bastila, panting, coming to a stop at the edge of the ruins with Vrook, Zhar, Dorak, and now Vandar standing behind her.
Revan and Anakin exchange glances.
“Back to the Ebon Hawk?” Anakin asks.
“You read my mind,” Revan says and both of them launch themselves over Bastila and the Jedi Masters and book it to the Ebon Hawk, much to the frustration of Bastila and the Jedi Masters.
. . .
In the end, the Jedi Council give up on trying to force Revan to retrain but still insist that he take up the quest for the Star Forge, and insist that Bastila and Juhani go with him. Since Revan isn’t a Jedi—not in the Council’s eyes anyway—they need a Jedi to go with them, or two in this case.
Revan is perfectly all right with that, so long as it means that he doesn’t have to spend more than a minute with the stupid Council. Kriff two minutes. That’s way too long.
“So where are we going first?” Carth asks.
Anakin points.
Revan peers at where Anakin pointed at and raises an eyebrow. “Anakin, there isn’t a Star Map on Alderaan,” he says.
“You asked where to go first. You never said that it had to be a planet that had a Star Map on it.”
“...Touche.”
Bastila’s eye twitches. “We are to find the Star Forge and so we need to find the Star Maps,” she says firmly, planting her hands on her hips as a frown crosses her lips.
“Oh stop frowning, my dear. You’ll get wrinkles,” Revan says dismissively.
Bastila’s other eye starts twitching.
“All right. I’ll aim for a planet that has a Star Map on it,” Anakin says and points.
Revan peers at the map. “Tatooine,” he says and grins when Anakin pales. “Carth, plot the course for Tatooine.”
“Wait, no, do over! I call for a do over!” Anakin shouts.
The Ebon Hawk jumps into hyperspace.
“Too late,” says Revan with a grin.
Anakin groans and sinks to his knees. “Why? Why is it always that planet?” he exclaims.
Revan pats Anakin’s shoulder, not knowing why Anakin doesn’t like Tatooine but not questioning it, mostly because Anakin’s melodramatic response to having to go to Tatooine first is far too amusing.
. . .
“I hate this dustball!” Anakin exclaims, glaring at the city of Anchorhead, and the rolling sand dunes that stretch out in all directions.
“So you have said...every two minutes...since we entered Anchorhead,” Revan deadpans.
And they are currently standing in front of the Czerka offices, which is only maybe a quarter of a klick into the city.
“But I do,” Anakin whines.
“Oh don’t be such a big baby,” Revan says, rolling his eyes. “Tell you what, Anakin? I’ll go and find the Star Map. You...go and have some fun.”
Anakin blinks. “Limits?” he asks.
“Don’t blow anything up.”
Anakin pouts in disappointment before he grins. “Oh, I have a perfect idea of what to do,” he says and strides off.
“...Should we be worried?” Mission asks.
“Yes,” Carth deadpans.
“It’s not like Anakin is going to blow up anything,” Revan says dismissively.
“I’m more worried about what Anakin is going to do now that he can’t blow up anything,” Carth says.
“I’m more curious than anything,” Revan admits.
Carth sighs.
Bastila frowns. “Why is Anakin so…?”
“Crazy? Unstable?”
“...Yeah...”
“No one knows.”
. . .
“...”
“Anakin?” Mission says.
“Yeah?” Anakin glances at Mission, a far too pleased with himself expression on his face while the entire city is in utter chaos.
“Did you really just ignite a slave rebellion in this city?”
“Yup.”
“And how did you manage to get all of these slaves actual weapons and get their slave chips deactivated?”
“You’d be surprised at what you can convince a Hutt to do when you threaten to blow up their entire palace. The same with the weapons.”
“...”
“Why?” Juhani asks.
“I detest slavery,” Anakin growls.
Zaalbar barks in agreement from where he is currently bashing a slaver’s head against a stone building.
“So does Big Z,” Mission admits.
She, Juhani, and Anakin are currently watching the slave rebellion below on the roof of one of the buildings while Zaalbar is happily participating by grabbing any slaver that he can get his hands on and bashing their heads into stone buildings. The fact that, anytime a slaver gets his hands on a weapon or gets prepared to shoot or attack a slave, Anakin uses the Force to throw them into walls helps keep the slaves safe.
“Anakin, I was gone for only an hour and you manage to ignite a whole slave rebellion?” Revan says, raising an eyebrow as he joins Anakin, Mission, and Juhani on the roof while a stunned Bastila and Carth, and a laughing Canderous, join them.
“You’d be surprised at what you can accomplish in an hour if you have lots of explosives, are fluent in Huttese, and know how to make threats well enough that they sound more like promises,” Anakin says with a shrug. He’s had many many years to practice that latter one, even before he had jumped into the past.
He reaches out with the Force, grabs a slaver that had been about to attack a slave from behind and throws him into a group of slavers that had been about to attack Zaalbar from behind.
Zaalbar whirls, grabs one of those slavers and proceeds to beat his face in with his fist.
“Well, Big Z is certainly have a good time,” Mission comments. “So...you got the Star Map?”
“Yes,” Revan says.
“Okay. Where to next?”
“I’ll choose when we get back to the Hawk.”
. . .
Three days later, the slave rebellion finally comes to an end with the slaves claiming control of the entirety of Anchorhead.
That is the day that the Ebon Hawk leaves Tatooine.
“Thank the Force!” Anakin exclaims, glad to leave that dustball behind.
“So where to now?” Carth asks.
Revan points at the map.
Anakin reads it. “Kashyyyk,” he says.
Zaalbar growls in protest.
“Don’t worry, Zaalbar,” Anakin says cheerfully. “It’ll be fine.”
“Don’t jinx it, Anakin,” Revan says with much amusement in his voice. “Anyway, let’s head out. The sooner we find the map, the better.”
. . .
On Kashyyyk, they find a large Czerka presence.
Anakin is already making plans to absolutely decimate the Czerka, since he knows that they’re slavers.
“Anakin, no explosions,” Revan says as he leads the way out of the Ebon Hawk with the rest of the crew behind him. “We don’t want to risk any of the wroshyr trees catching on fire.”
Anakin huffs. “Fine,” he says.
“And, please, don’t ignite another rebellion on this planet,” Revan adds.
“Nah. I just did that. Don’t really feel like doing that again.”
Revan rolls his eyes at that. “Zaalbar, Mission, Bastila, you’re with me,” he says and strides off, leaving Zaalbar, Mission, and Bastila to quickly hurry after him.
“So what do you plan to do?” Canderous asks.
Anakin grins.
Carth groans. “I’m starting to really not like that grin of yours,” he says.
. . .
Jolee doesn’t really know what to expect when he meets Revan and the rest of his companions. Of course, he knows who Revan actually is but he doesn’t make mention of it, mostly because he doesn’t really want to get in the middle of that.
He just wants to get off Kashyyyk at the moment and doesn’t want to interfere with whatever it is the Council is doing now.
He’s more than a little surprised when Revan happily sets a terantatek on the Czerka poachers that are in the Shadowlands.
“Arin, did you just set that terantatek on those poachers?” Bastila exclaims.
“What? It chased them away, didn’t it? And I don’t sense any deaths so it’s fine,” Revan says with a shrug. He palms his lightsabers—and Bastila seems irritated upon seeing those—and turns to Jolee. “So how do we get to the Lower Shadowlands?”
“This way,” Jolee says. “And why does Bastila seem irritated by seeing your lightsabers?”
“’Cause I built them without supervision by the Jedi Council,” Revan says with a shrug.
“And how did you manage that?”
“I evaded the Jedi Council the entire time I was on Dantooine and just built these lightsabers while we were in route to Tatooine,” says Revan with a shrug.
“Yes, you led me and the vast majority of the Council on a wild bantha chase throughout all of Dantooine,” Bastila says.
“Yeah, it was great.”
“It was not!”
Revan just grins and strides off.
Jolee decides that he kinda likes Revan now, if only because it’s rare that he sees anyone willing to cause problems and chaos for the Jedi Council.
. . .
Anakin slips up to the Czerka guard standing outside Czerka’s main base on Kashyyyk and promptly knocks him out with a well-aimed strike to the back of the head, with a lockbox.
“Did you have to hit him with a lockbox?” Carth deadpans as Anakin drags the guard away and promptly strips him of his armor.
“Yes,” Anakin says.
“So what are you planning on doing anyway?” Juhani asks.
“Just stay a good distance away,” Anakin says simply as he slips on the Czerka guard’s uniform, slips on the helmet, and promptly waltzs into the base as if he owns the place.
“Shift change? It’s about damn time,” Anakin says as a guard moves toward him. The guard just nods and slips past him and out the door.
Anakin grins and moves deeper into the base, casually moving to each computer terminal and security console that he can find and promptly initiating a delayed overload of all systems. He then turns and strides out of the base, ignoring the new guard asking him where he is going.
And then the base implodes, collapsing inwards with enough force that it shatters the walkway the base had been built on. The walkway collapses and falls to the forest floor, taking the entirety of Czerka’s base with it.
Anakin is laughing inwardly the entire walk back to the Ebon Hawk.
. . .
Revan lifts his head from obtaining the Star Map’s information and sighs upon seeing pieces of a building falling through the trees a few klicks in front of him. He makes a mental note to speak to Anakin before finishing downloading the information.
“At least the forest isn’t on fire,” Zaalbar growls, gesturing to the shattered remnants of the base.
“Yup. By the way, how did Chuundar react when your father came back?” Revan asks, remembering how he ran into Freyr and sent him back to Zaalbar’s clan, with several thermal detonators in hand to ensure that he can actually get close to Chuundar.
“He revealed that he was a slaver and a traitor and then Freyr and I beat the ever living bantha shit out of him,” Zaalbar growled.
“Good for you!”
“What? What did he say?” Bastila asks.
“He and his father beat the ever living bantha shit out of Chuundar after convincing Chuundar to tell their clan the truth,” says Mission.
“Oh. What of Czerka?”
“I think they’re more preoccupied with, well, that,” Revan says, waving a hand toward the remnants of the base that are still falling two klicks in front of him.
“...”
“Ten credits says that was totally Anakin,” Mission says.
“Fool’s bet. Of course it was Anakin,” Zaalbar growls.
. . .
“Anakin, I thought I said no explosions,” Revan says as he makes his way onto the landing pad with Bastila, Mission, Jolee, and Zaalbar behind him.
Canderous is howling with laughter nearby while Carth is banging his head against the wall and Juhani is just staring at Anakin with puzzlement and shock in her eyes.
“No, no, that wasn’t an explosion. That was an implosion,” Anakin says with a shrug and a shit-eating grin on his lips.
Revan sighs and grins wryly. “Okay, I will admit that was a nice loophole, Anakin, and you spared Kashyyyk from being burned to the ground too,” he says.
“What can I say? I’m creative like that.”
“Insane is more like it,” Carth growls, his head resting against the ship’s wall.
“That too.”
Revan chuckles.
. . .
Manaan is, in a word, boring.
“What do you mean I can’t go and raid the Sith Base, or blow it up?” Anakin whines, a pout crossing his lips.
“The Selkath are neutral,” Revan says with a shrug. “If we break that neutrality then the Republic will get severe restrictions on their kolto, and that will turn the war in the bastard Malak’s favor, which won’t be good at all. We’re trying to win the war after all.”
“I suppose so,” Anakin grumbles.
“Which is why I’m just gonna run and grab the Star Map and be back before anyone wakes up. The sooner we leave this stupid planet, the better,” says Revan with a shrug before he turns and jogs out of the ship.
“Where’d Arin go?” Mission asks as she makes her way into the main hold, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
“To get the Star Map. He’ll be back soon,” says Anakin, still pouting at not being able to cause chaos for the Sith on this planet. He sighs, pushes the thought aside, and turns to Mission, “Hey, wanna play Pazaak?”
“Sure,” Mission says.
. . .
Revan returns an hour and a half later. “Well, that was informative,” he says. “Found a Force sensitive Selkath and her friends in the Sith Base. Busting them out was fun.”
“Why didn’t you take me with if you were going to raid the Sith Base? I thought you said we couldn’t,” Anakin protests.
“Turns out Roland wouldn’t let me use his submersible unless I got back a droid for him that was in the Sith Base, so I had to raid the Sith Base, and rescue a bunch of Force sensitive Selkaths while I was at it.”
Anakin pouts.
Revan pats him on the shoulder and strides past the main hold, shouting, “Carth! I’ve got what we need. Let’s get off this stupid planet!”
. . .
Anakin is glad to leave Manaan behind.
He is not happy when they are torn out of hyperspace and captured by the Leviathan though.
“Can I blow this ship up?” Anakin asks Revan.
Revan grins. “Be my guest, and if Malak’s still on it when you do, all the better,” he says cheerfully.
“Something tells me it won’t be that easy to take down Malak,” Anakin says.
“Likely not.”
“Damn.” An idea sparks in Anakin’s head and he grins.
“You’ve got the look of a schemer in your eyes. What do you have in mind?”
Anakin grins and tells him.
Revan raises an eyebrow and then shrugs. “If you can cause problems for Malak then go for it,” he says.
“Great! So we should probably join the others and figure out what you guys are going to do,” Anakin says and the two of them leave the dormitory they had been speaking in.
. . .
“Saul Karath, I should have known it was you, since this is...well...your flagship,” Revan says as he, Bastila, and Carth are held prisoner with Karath standing across from them.
“That’s your response?” Carth says.
“Hey, I’m talking on the fly here so shut it and let me do my job,” says Revan firmly.
“What job is that?” Bastila asks.
“Annoy the kriff outta Karath until he gets tired of it and leaves us alone. He won’t kill us since Malak wants us alive so he’ll probably just try to torture us,” Revan says with a shrug.
“Try?” Karath says an eyebrow. “What makes you think that I’ll try? Activate the torture cages!”
“Belay that order. Override code Alpha Charlie Six Two Five Zeta,” Revan says dismissively, easily adjusting his voice to match that of the voice that always echoes out of his mask, and grins when the entire system in the interrogation chamber shuts down, in response to the shutdown override that he just initiated. It also serves as the added bonus of letting Revan, Bastila, and Carth go.
“What? How?” Karath exclaims.
“Malak is an absolute moron,” Revan says with a sigh and a shake of his head as he rubs his wrists. “When he took the Sith throne, he should have changed all of the security clearance codes or, at least, changed the voice imprint so that the system won’t recognize my voice. I mean c’mon! I could have easily initiated the self destruct of this entire ship if I wanted to.”
“...Why didn’t you?” Karath asks, curious in spite of himself.
“’Cause Anakin is having way too much fun causing chaos in the lower levels and I didn’t want to ruin that for him,” Revan says with a shrug. “So...”
“Erm...I should...go...” Karath starts to back away.
Carth is on him, slamming a fist into Karath’s face hard enough to throw him back into the wall. “That’s for betraying the Republic,” he shouts and slams another fist into Karath’s face, “And that’s for Telos!” Another fist. “And that’s for my wife Morgana.” A third fist. “And that’s for my son Dustil!” A knee to the gut. “And that’s just because I don’t like you!”
“Whoa, you go, Carth,” Revan cheers. “Beat his ass!”
“Arin, don’t encourage him! He mustn’t give in to his anger...” Bastila begins.
Revan ignores her as he continues to cheer Carth on as he continues to beat the ever living bantha shit out of Karath.
“That felt good,” Carth says as he crawls off the now unconscious Karath. “So what do we do with him?”
“Throw him out of an airlock?” Revan suggests.
“Arin!” Bastila exclaims, giving him an incredulous look.
Revan hums. “No, I suppose dying in space is worse than getting blown up. Let’s just leave him. Anakin’s probably about ready to blow up this ship so we should probably get the hell outta here before that happens,” he says.
“I have to know. Just how did you know that override code? And how did you know that the system would recognize your voice?” Carth asks.
Revan gives him a surprised expression. “You mean you haven’t figured it out yet? Wow. I’ve been doing really good at keeping it a secret if you guys haven’t figured it out yet. Yes! Anakin owes me fifty credits now!”
“Uh what?” Carth says.
Revan rolls his eyes. “Anakin really was overestimating your observation skills in that he actually thought you would find out by the time we reached Manaan,” he says and strides off, adding, “C’mon, you guys. We’re gonna run into Malak soon, and I’m really curious about how furious he was about that picture I sent to the entire Sith fleet. We should probably bust out our friends while we’re at it.”
Bastila and Carth, still in shock, quickly hurry after him.
. . .
Anakin happily continues to place thermal detonators every place he can think of while also hacking into the Leviathan’s computer systems and downloading every single piece of information that he can get.
Honestly, they don’t even need to go to Korriban, since the location of the Star Forge is saved in the memory banks of the navigational system on the Leviathan, and Anakin’s currently on the empty bridge, downloading all of that information.
The bridge is empty only because Anakin just strode it, only everyone that if they don’t leave right now then the ship is going to explode while they’re on it.
None of them wanted to wait and see if Anakin was bluffing or not.
But they may as well, ‘cause there is mention of a certain Dustil Onasi and Anakin figures he must be a relative of Carth’s. May as well get him out, and blow up the Sith Academy on Korriban while they’re there because, well, why not?
Anakin finishes his download, turns and strides off the bridge.
He meets up with Revan, Bastila, and Carth about halfway to the hangar bay. “Everyone else?” he says.
“Back at the Ebon Hawk already,” Revan says. “By the way, you owe me fifty credits.”
“Why?”
“Because they still haven’t figured it out. Ha!”
Anakin groans and, digging into his pockets, pulls out fifty credits and hands it to Revan. “I would have thought they would have been...not as clueless as I thought. I mean c’mon. The fact that you knew the location of every single Star Map without even asking anyone should have clued them in.”
“They really were clueless. I suppose the fact that the Council didn’t even get the chance to speak to me helped with that,” Revan says with a shrug. “Granted, you and I were going out of our way to avoid the Council so...”
“What the blazes is going on?” Carth exclaims.
“I’m Revan, dumbass.” Revan strides through the doors that will take them into the hangar while Carth stares with utter shock in his eyes and Bastila stares with wide-eyes.
“Oh and he’s known he’s Revan since the beginning,” Anakin adds cheerfully and follows Revan while Bastila’s eyes seem to bug out in shock.
. . .
Malak is furious as he storms into the hangar bay. “Revan!” he shouts.
Revan waves cheekily at him.
Malak’s eye twitches.
“You seem pissed? What’s wrong, Al-Al? Still haven’t managed to get that picture of you down from the HoloNet yet?” Revan asks and grins as Malak seems to tremble with absolute rage, his eyes flaring.
“You should be dead,” he snaps.
“Malak, if destroying an entire planet to kill me didn’t succeed, did you really think anything would?”
Malak scowls before he takes a deep breath. “Fine, whatever. I’ll just kill you in one on one combat, as it’s supposed to be, and secure my hold on the...”
A metal bar flies through the air.
It slams into Malak’s face, hard.
Malak goes flying off his feet, out cold before he hits the ground.
Revan blinks and he, Bastila, and Carth turn, as one, to gaze at Anakin.
“What?” Anakin blinks at them. “He was boring me! Besides, now we can get off this stupid spaceship before I blow it up! By the way, we have five minutes before the charges go off so we should probably get the heck outta here.”
“Fine with me,” Revan says with a shrug and bolts, though he will forever cherish the memory of Malak getting knocked unconscious by a metal rod to the face.
. . .
“So pretty,” Anakin says with a bright smile as he watches the Leviathan explode.
Revan suddenly curses.
“What’s wrong?” Mission asks.
“That damn bastard with nine kriffing lives!” Revan exclaims.
“Malak escaped, didn’t he?” Anakin doesn’t sound the slightest bit surprised, only resigned.
“Yes!” Revan throws his hands up. “You knocked him out with a kriffing metal rod and blew up the ship five minutes later! How the kriffing hell did he manage to regain consciousness and make it to an escape pod in less than five kriffing minutes?!”
“He’s a Sith Lord,” Anakin says with a sigh, rubbing his temples. “That’s proof right there. The last true Sith Lord I went against wouldn’t die and I even tried to kriffing feed him to a kriffing Zillo Beast!”
“Tried?” Revan raises an eyebrow.
Anakin shrugs. “Apparently, feeding the Chancellor of the Republic to a Zillo Beast is frowned upon by the Jedi Order,” he says.
“I’d say so,” Jolee says.
“Are we gonna talk about the bantha in the room or not?” Carth demands.
“You mean you’ve met Angel?” Anakin asks at the same time that Revan says, “I was getting to that.”
“Wait,” Revan says and turns to Anakin. “Who’s Angel?”
“Erm...” Anakin smiles sheepishly.
“Anakin...”
Anakin sighs and, using the Force, opens up the medical bay and a small bantha cub waddles out.
“Aww, it’s so cute,” Mission gushes.
“I couldn’t just leave her,” Anakin protests at the exasperated look he receives from Revan. “She lost her parents before the slave rebellion and she was so lost and alone. I just had to take her in!”
Revan glances between Anakin and Angel and back again. “Well, since you’ve been taking care of her, I don’t see a problem with it,” he says with a shrug.
Carth glares.
“Gees, I’m getting to that,” Revan says with a sigh. “I’m Revan, simple as that.”
“You are? As in the Sith Lord Revan? Malak’s master Revan?” Mission asks.
“Not to mention Hero of the Mandalorian Wars Revan, the Prodigal Knight Revan, the Revanchist Revan,” Anakin puts in.
“Yes, yes, I know I have a heck of a lot of titles, Anakin. There’s really no need to repeat them all,” Revan deadpans.
Anakin shrugs, a grin on his lips before he begins petting Angel while Revan explains matters, in his usual way.
“I’m Revan, Sith Lord, redeemed Jedi, who really isn’t a Jedi since I went out of my way to avoid being forced to retrain as a Jedi, and someone who is going to beat the ever living shit out of a certain apprentice for being an extreme bastard, and save the Republic and stop the war while I’m at it.”
“See? He admits it! He’s a Sith,” Carth exclaims.
“Oh, oh, can I pet Angel?” Mission asks.
“Sure,” Anakin says.
“May I too?” Juhani asks.
“Why not?”
Zaalbar barks.
“Big Z wants to do the same, but he’s scared of hurting her,” Mission translates.
“He won’t. It’s fine,” Anakin assures the big wookiee.
Mission, Juhani, and Zaalbar move forward and immediately begin petting the bantha cub who purrs and leans into the pets, eliciting various ‘aws’ from the group.
“She is adorable, I will admit,” Jolee comments.
“Why Angel?” Canderous asks, raising an eyebrow.
“I liked the name,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“Is anyone even listening to me?” Carth exclaims.
“Oh we are,” Mission says. “But, frankly speaking, I don’t think any of us care who Revan used to be so we’ve been tuning you out. Or, at least, I don’t care.”
“I don’t either,” Juhani says.
Zaalbar barks.
“Neither does Big Z,” Mission says with a shrug.
“I don’t really care either,” Canderous says.
“Me neither,” Jolee says with a shrug.
“You guys are awesome,” Revan says brightly.
“We know we are,” Mission says.
Carth gives up and sinks to the ground. “Why does no one care that Revan used to be a Sith Lord?”
“Probably because of the used to part,” says Anakin with a shrug. “It’s possible to be redeemed, Carth. Revan redeemed himself, and he did it all on his own since the Council really couldn’t reprogram him with a new identity since I kept interfering with that.”
“That was you?” Bastila exclaims. “We knew someone was blocking our attempts but...”
“The fact that I’m not from this time makes avoiding the Jedi Council’s detection all the easier, since they don’t know the feel of my Force presence. Plus, all the lives I’ve lived have taught me various abilities, including hiding my presence in the Force.”
“...You know that everything you just said doesn’t make a lick of sense, right?” Canderous asks.
“I get that a lot.”
Carth sighs. “What now?” he asks.
“We’re gonna go to Korriban, bust out your son, since Anakin told me that he’s on Korriban, and then go and kick the ever living shit out of Malak, and blow up the Star Forge while we’re at it,” Revan says.
“I call blowing up the Star Forge,” Anakin shouts.
“Of course you do,” Carth grumbles.
. . .
Finding Dustil in Korriban’s Sith Academy doesn’t take long, mostly because everyone is falling over themselves to either accommodate Revan, or are running as far and as fast as they can possibly get from the former Sith Lord.
Convincing Dustil that the Sith are evil also doesn’t take long. Revan can be very persuasive when he wants to be.
And so their trip to Korriban ends up being the shortest trip ever, with the exception of Manaan but no one cares about Manaan.
Boom.
“What the blazes is with you and explosions?” Carth exclaims, whirling around to glare at Anakin.
Anakin grins. “To be fair, that was actually HK. He was getting rather putout that everyone’s been forgetting about him so I told him that he could blow up the Sith Academy in my place,” he says.
“Statement: I have officially added you to the very short list of meatbags that I actually like,” HK-47 states.
“And I take it Revan’s the only other person on the list, right?”
“Answer: Of course the master is the only other person on the list. Explanation: he is the one who built me after all.”
“Nice.” Anakin gives Revan a thumbs up.
Revan smirks.
“You two are insane,” Bastila groans, sinking to the ground and burying her face into her hands.
“You’re just now noticing that?” Anakin says, raising an eyebrow before he sighs, reaches into his pocket, pulls out fifty more credits, and hands them to a smirking Revan.
“Pleasure doing business with you,” he says.
“Yeah, yeah,” Anakin grumbles.
“You made a bet on when Bastila would notice you two were insane?” Mission asks.
“Yup. I thought it would be far earlier.”
“These people aren’t the most observant bunch so I knew it was going to be later,” says Revan with a shrug.
. . .
“I am never telling Obi-Wan about this,” Anakin grumbles as he and the rest of the crew walk out of their crashed ship.
“I have this odd feeling you’ve crashed many ships in your time,” Revan says.
“...Maybe?”
Revan rolls his eyes. “Well, let’s go repair the ship and turn off the disruptor field,” he says. “Then we can go to the Star Forge and I can beat the ever living shit out of Malak while Anakin has his fun preparing to blow up the Forge.”
Anakin grins.
“Do you have a plan for how to take out the disruptor field?” Bastila asks.
Revan grins.
“I do not like that grin. I really do not. I have a bad feeling about this.”
. . .
A boom sounds in the distance. Anakin looks up from where he is talking with the Elders, who are greeting the return of their own, and smirks.
“What has happened?” the Elder asks, eyes wide.
“I do believe the Sith decided to blow up the Temple of the Ancients rather than allow its secrets to fall into the wrong hands,” Anakin lies easily and grins as the Elders start arguing with each other about what to do now.
He turns and walks away, mentally congratulating Revan on the successful explosion.
. . .
“How did you blow up the Temple of the Ancients?” Canderous asks as Carth guides the newly repaired Ebon Hawk into the air.
Revan grins. “Thermal detonators and rocket launchers,” he says and Canderous starts laughing.
“...How did you get your hands on both of those?” Jolee asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, it don’t seem like those kinds of weapons would just be laying around,” Mission says.
Zaalbar barks in agreement.
“It does seem rather...odd,” Juhani agrees.
“There’s an armory within the Temple, isn’t there?” Anakin asks.
“Yup,” Revan says. “I just raided it when I got into the Temple and used the weapons I found there to blow it up. It took care of the disruptor field so it works.”
Bastila sighs and shakes her head.
“Statement: and this is why I like you, Master,” HK says.
T3 beeps in agreement.
“Okay, why is everyone in the cockpit with me?” Carth protests. “I can barely move with all of us packed in here.”
Anakin pats him on the shoulder. “It’s only temporarily until we reach the Star Forge,” he says.
Carth groans.
. . .
“Revan,” Malak says as Revan strides into the viewing room. “So you have come.”
“Malak, how’s the face? Must have hurt when that metal rod hit it,” Revan says.
Malak’s eye twitches. “And where is the young man who did that?” he demands.
“Busy working to blow up the Star Forge.”
Malak’s other eye twitches. “He will not succeed, and neither will you! You do not know of the full capabilities of this Star Forge. I have unlocked more of its secrets and the power that it offers will be...”
A metal rode smacks Malak in the face, taking him by surprise and causing him to tumble over the railing to land with a hard thud on the ground. A string of curses in a variety of languages erupts from his lips.
“Gees, what is with villains and monologues?” Revan grumbles. “Please tell me I was not like that when I was a Sith.”
“Actually, no,” Malak says after his tirade of curses comes to an end and he pushes himself to his feet. “You never gave monologue speeches. You gave those charismatic speeches that literally caused everyone to throw themselves at your feet and have them swear their loyalty to you. You always could inspire loyalty with your words and your actions and...”
Another metal rod smacks him in the face.
“Ow! Stop doing that!” Malak exclaims, clutching at his now bloody nose and glaring furiously at Revan.
“Then stop with your rambling. It’s annoying,” Revan deadpans. “Can we just get to the fight already? I’ve been itching to beat the ever living shit out of you since...well...since you betrayed me, you bastard.”
“It is the way of the Sith...” Malak immediately cuts off what was likely to be another long-winded monologue when Revan lifts another metal rod off the ground with the Force. “Never mind. Let’s just fight already.”
“Best words you’ve spoken all day,” Revan says and still throws the metal rod at Malak’s face, grinning at the screeched curses that are thrown his way when the rod smacks Malak in the face for a third time.
Malak lunges at Revan who easily catches his lightsaber with both of his and the fight begins.
. . .
Anakin happily places thermal detonators in every single location he can see while Force pushing various Sith troopers, Dark Jedi, and droids off the walkways, leading them falling, and, screaming, several stories. He doesn’t really see where they land and just goes on his way to placing more detonators all throughout the core of the Star Forge.
He fells a brush against his subconscious as he moves and hums but keeps on moving, not really caring who is brushing against his subconscious. Since he’s permanently stuck in time, there really isn’t a lot that enemies in the timelines that he jumps into can do to him. Sure, they can hurt him but he’s found that they can’t exactly kill him unless its his time to leave that time, and that usually doesn’t happen a lot. He just gets yanked out of the time before it gets to that point more often than not.
Still, he supposes that someone else in this time is curious about him.
He decides that it doesn’t matter and continues to focus on blowing up the Star Forge.
. . .
“Okay, okay, I give, I give!” Malak exclaims, all bloodied and bruised from where Revan, after having decided to forego the use of his lightsabers and just beat the ever living shit out of Malak with his bare hands, is doing exactly that.
“Will you come back to the light?” Revan asks.
“You know I can’t. That’s not how this story ends,” Malak says.
“Bullshit. Just come back to the light. I’ve been trying to beat some sense into you too, you know?”
Malak raises a bloodied eyebrow. “That’s what you were doing? I thought you were pissed at me,” he says.
“Well, I was, yes, and you’re still a bastard and a betrayer, yeah, but you’re still my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” Revan slammed another fist into Malak’s face and Malak hisses in pain. “You’re still an idiot though.”
“I thought I was a bastard and a betrayer,” Malak asks.
“You’re all three.”
Malak laughs a that, the darkness in his eyes starting to fade. “I don’t know how you managed it, Revan,” he says softly, “but, somehow, you managed to do it, and convince me to come back. Who would have thought that would be possible?”
“Whatever works,” Revan says with a shrug and then smiles sadly. “Something tells me that this is the last time we will speak to each other, huh, Alek?”
Malak smiles softly, sadly. “You know as well as I do that that’s true, Arin,” he says and closes his eyes. “I would rather you do it then the Jedi Council or the Republic. They won’t accept that I’ve come back to the light and, unlike you, they don’t need me.”
“I know.” Revan ignites his lightsaber. “Goodbye, my old friend.”
“Goodbye. Besides, this way, I can haunt Vitiate whenever I can now!”
Revan laughs softly, closes his eyes, and delivers the final blow.
. . .
“Where’s Revan?” Mission demands as Anakin bolts up the boarding ramp of the Ebon Hawk.
“He’s coming,” Anakin says.
Revan shows up a moment later, looking tired and sad but, otherwise, all right.
“Malak...” Bastila asks.
“Alek is dead but it’s fine, I’m fine,” Revan says as he makes his way into the Hawk. “He’s going to go haunt and bug the ever living shit out of Vitiate. I wish him fun with that.”
“Wait, who’s Vitiate?” Anakin asks.
“No one you need to worry about, Anakin. You’ve done enough for this time. You don’t need to do anything else beyond what you’ve already done. Besides, Vitiate is mine. I am not going to let you get in the way of what I have planned for that bastard.” A grin steals its way onto Revan’s lips.
Anakin blinks and then grins. “Well, do have fun with that, Revan,” he says.
“Oh believe me, I will. But I think I’ll let Alek have his fun for now.”
. . .
Sith Emperor Vitiate frowns as a shiver runs down his spine, and he isn’t sure why he feels that way.
“Hi.”
Vitiate starts and whirls around, raising an eyebrow upon seeing the Force ghost of Alek, the Jedi that he had forcibly turned to the dark side along with Revan almost five years ago. “So you’ve returned, though why do you visit me as a Force ghost?” he asks.
Alek grins. “I can’t die now, since I’m a Force ghost, so want to hear the Gizka Song?”
Vitiate pales. That is the one song that he cannot stand. He may be immortal, may be the Sith Emperor, may be the most powerful Sith in the galaxy, but even he cannot stand the Gizka Song.
Alek grins and starts singing it, in the most highly obnoxious voice that he can muster.
Vitiate groans.
And Alek is a Force ghost. He’s already dead so Vitiate can’t exactly kill him.
“Stop it,” he groans.
“Nope, so long as I’m one with the Force and you live, I will keep on singing this song,” Alex says cheerfully and continues to sing the most annoying song to ever come into existence, in the most annoying and obnoxious voice ever.
Kriffing hell.
It is at that moment that Vitiate truly regrets becoming immortal.
. . .
Notes:
Yes, though it isn't really stated in the story, Revan and Bastila do end up together.
And I kinda feel sorry for Vitiate...not really, no. Actually, I'm cheering Alek on.
I'm thinking of, at some point down the line, doing a jump that follows the events of the MMORPG Star Wars: The Old Republic but that will likely be in a future chapter. The next chapter will probably be a jump to the time of Rebels so we'll see how that works out. It won't just be Malachor but it will be Anakin jumping into Season 2 of Rebels so let's see how much chaos Anakin can cause during that.
I do hope that you enjoyed this chapter and got a laugh out of some of the antics (the entire Dantooine sequence is, by far, my favorite in this chapter). Let me know what your favorite part of this chapter, and the previous chapters, are in the comments. Reviews and kudos are much appreciated.
Chapter 6: In Which the Ghost Crew Get Dragged Into Chaos
Summary:
"When Ahsoka Tano lays her eyes upon the young man who appears, quite suddenly, in the middle of the command center onboard Commander Sato’s flagship, sporting a very familiar cheeky smirk, she knows that things are about to go to the nine Corellian Hells in a handbasket."
Notes:
Sooooo sorry about the long wait. This chapter ended up being a bit more difficult to finish than I thought it would be. So I ended up just skipping several of the episodes of season 2 and just focused on the ones that I felt were relevant. I hope that you enjoy it though.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Ahsoka Tano lays her eyes upon the young man who appears, quite suddenly, in the middle of the command center onboard Commander Sato’s flagship, sporting a very familiar cheeky smirk, she knows that things are about to go to the nine Corellian Hells in a handbasket.
“What. Are. You. Doing. Here?” She growls, rubbing her lekku and giving the young man an irritated glare while Commander Sato and the crew of the Ghost are just staring in puzzlement. It’s a wonder no one has thought to actually pull out their weapons and train it on the newcomer.
Maybe they’re in shock.
Ahsoka isn’t, only because this isn’t the first time that her time-traveling former Master has appeared, out of absolutely nowhere, in front of her.
The last time had been on Sullust.
Ahsoka had fallen into a lake because of that incident.
She will never let her former master forget that.
Anakin Skywalker tilts his head to the side, that grin still on his lips. “Hey there, Snips, been a long time,” he says and frowns. “And why are you trying to set me on fire with your eyes?”
“Do you not recall the Lake Incident?” Ahsoka demands, folding her arms across her chest.
“Ah...oh...that...” Anakin rubs the back of his neck. “I did say sorry.”
“You. Said. Nothing!”
“Uh...sorry?”
Ahsoka throws her hands up in exasperation. “Okay, fine, whatever. Commander Sato, this is Anakin Skywalker, my former master...do not ask why he looks only twenty two because even I don’t know the answer to that. Anakin, this is Commander Sato, the one in charge of this band of rebels,” she says.
“Rebels, huh? Oh, goodie! I had wondered where I ended up this time! Hey, Sabine! Remember me?”
Sabine tilts her head to the side. “Hey, you’re that hooded figure who was so interested in my artwork, and how I got creative with my explosions,” she says. “Never did get your name, since you vanished so suddenly.”
“Yeah…that had been the briefest jump of my life,” Anakin muses. “Thanks for the tips, by the way, Sabine. I had way too much fun with all the creative ways to blow shit up in my last jump.”
“Who’s the crazy person?” Zeb asks.
“And why do I have this very bad feeling that things are about to get really chaotic soon?” Kanan asks.
“Because, when it comes to Anakin Skywalker, that is an absolute given,” Ahsoka grumbles.
Anakin grins.
Alarms begin flaring.
“Sir, we’re being attacked,” one soldier shouts as he moves forward. “It’s only a single TIE fighter but...”
Anakin cracks his knuckles, a grin stealing its way onto his lips before he turns and strides off.
“Wait, where are you going?” Sato demands.
“To go play target practice with a Sith Lord, of course,” Anakin says cheerfully and jogs away.
Ahsoka watches him go, groans, and quickly darts after him, shouting, “Hera! We need the Ghost up and running. Anakin is going to get himself killed without backup, and I still need to yell at him some more for the Lake Incident,” over her shoulder.
“...Well, that just happened,” Ezra says before the door closes, cutting off what anyone says in response.
. . .
“Oh great, it’s you,” Vader’s hologram says in irritation as he, in his Advanced TIE fighter, faces off against Anakin, who is in his stolen rebel starfighter.
“Hi,” Anakin says cheerfully.
“You certainly had a merry time in the past,” Vader rumbles. “And why did you decide to come to this point in time?”
Anakin rolls his eyes. “For the last time, moron, I never know where the Force is going to drop me. I’m still expecting a point in time where there are going to be two of me running around. Can’t wait to see the look on Obi-Wan’s face when that happens,” he says.
A snort sounds. “You’ll probably drive him even more insane if that happens. I am looking forward to seeing that memory though. Anyway, why are you helping the rebels?”
“Because I absolutely loathe Palpatine and would sooner throw him through a window than help him,” Anakin deadpans. “Honestly, Vad, why don’t you just slice off that decrepit old fool’s head and be done with it?”
“And I have already told you that I cannot do that. He is my master.”
“He is an absolute jackass who doesn’t deserve to call anyone his apprentice. He sucks as a person and, well, just plain sucks. Ugh. Malak was better than him, and that’s saying something. Oh, look, the Ghost is here. Hi guys!”
“Um, Anakin, why are you talking with Vader, instead of blasting him out of the sky?” Ahsoka demands as her hologram materializes next to Vader’s.
“So the apprentice lives,” Vader says.
“Well, duh! You’re a major idiot, you know?” Anakin scoffs, rolling his eyes. “And, yeah, Snips, even if I wanted to blast Vad outta the sky, the Force won’t let me and vice versa. Believe me, I know. Vader has tried to kill me many times but, apparently, the Force frowns upon Vader killing himself so...”
“That doesn’t mean that I still won’t try, you annoying little runt,” Vader growls while Ahsoka seems to have gone into shock. “Oh and you just shocked the hell outta Ahsoka by revealing that you and I are the same person.”
“Oh...yeah...I forgot that, at this point in time, she doesn’t know. Whoops.” Anakin quickly jerks his starfighter out of the way when laserfire erupts from Vader’s Advanced TIE. “Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Watch the wings! I like this starfighter! And you can’t kill me!”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t blow up that starfighter that you like! Payback for the Executor, you bastard!” Vader immediately begins firing at Anakin again as Anakin quickly spins to avoid the laserfire.
“Hey, that was like...who knows how many jumps ago. How do you even still remember that?” Anakin exclaims as he twists out of the way of the laserfire.
“Because we’re the same person, you moron, so whatever you remember when you jump into this time, I will remember. Now get over here and let me blast you!”
“No way in the nine Corellian Hells!” Anakin shouts back.
. . .
“Um, is Ahsoka all right?” Ezra asks, gazing at Ahsoka who has been staring in utter shock and horror at the two fighters that are currently locked in a dogfight beyond the Ghost’s viewport windows.
Ahsoka groans and thuds her head against the console. “I can’t decide,” she exclaims. “Am I supposed to be horrified and angry at finding out that my former master is also Vader or confused that both my former master and Vader seem capable of existing at the same exact time without canceling each other out? I just don’t know!”
“I’d say it’s more the latter,” Sabine admits. “Given that the second part of what you just said doesn’t make a lick of sense to me.”
“Yeah, I’m lost,” Zeb says.
“I think we all are,” Ezra admits, patting Zeb’s arm.
“Um, shouldn’t we be helping...erm...somehow?” Kanan asks, gesturing to the dogfight.
“I have this odd feeling I do not want to get in the middle of a dogfight between those two,” Hera says.
“Well, since they are the same person and they are trying to blast each other to smithereens, yeah, I would avoid getting in the middle of that too,” Ahsoka admits, rubbing her lekku before she taps the comlink. “Anakin!”
“Kinda in the middle of not getting my ass blasted, Snips. Call back later,” Anakin shouts back as his starfighter weaves and barrel rolls away to avoid Vader’s laserfire. Vader is easily keeping up with him, matching his moves perfectly, thus causing them to be caught in a bit of a stalemate.
“You’re in a kriffing stalemate because you’re trying to blast yourself out of the kriffing sky! Now talk to me now and explain what the kriff is going on!” Ahsoka shouts in frustration.
“...You should watch the language, Snips,” Anakin says.
“Yes, I do believe that kind of language is not called for,” Vader puts in.
“I don’t want to hear a single word from you, Sith,” Ahsoka snaps.
“...She gets that from you,” Vader says finally.
“Truth be told, I’m pretty sure she actually got that from Obi-Wan. He’s the one who gets frustrated with me more often than anyone else,” Anakin muses.
“Anakin!”
“Okay, okay, gees. You don’t have to yell. Simply put, Vader and I are the same person but, unlike me, he’s stuck in this time. I’m pretty much stuck in time itself so I don’t exist in any set timeline, which is how Vader and I can exist at the same time in spite of the fact that our souls are the same…That doesn’t make any sense, does it?”
“No,” Kanan says.
“Not at all,” Ezra says.
“Karabast. My head hurts just trying to figure out what the heck is going on,” Zeb groans, rubbing his head.
“I can’t make heads or tails of what’s happening right now,” Hera admits.
Ahsoka just thuds her head against the bulkhead. “The sad thing is, I know my master. That’s probably the clearest explanation we’re going to get,” she says. “Could you drive your alter ego away already?”
“It’s more difficult than you seem to think to actually win a dogfight with yourself, you know?” Anakin quickly jerks his starfighter out of the way as a burst of laserfire erupts from Vader’s TIE. “Hey! Are you trying to vaporize me?!”
“It’s not like it would work.”
“That doesn’t mean that I want you to keep trying. I’m not kriffing target practice!”
“You were using me as target practice earlier!”
“Yeah, so?”
“So it’s the same damn thing!”
“I don’t see it.”
“You...don’t...you...Argh! Kriff this! I’m out!” The TIE spins around and vanishes into hyperspace.
There’s a long moment of silence.
“Did we just win this battle because that Sith got so annoyed with his alter ego that he just...gave up on dealing with him?” Ezra asks, turning to gaze at the rest of the party.
“It...certainly looks like it,” Kanan says.
Ahsoka thuds her head against the console again. “I really shouldn’t be surprised but, somehow, I still am,” she mutters.
. . .
“Yo! Captain Rex!”
Rex blinks upon seeing the familiar form that is standing with the rest of the crew that had arrived in front of his, Wolffe’s and Gregor’s makeshift traveling home. He stares, rubs his eyes, stares again, and then turns to Wolffe. “Wolffe, you were supposed to warn me before I go insane,” he exclaims.
“You’ve gone insane?” Wolffe echoes.
“Why else would I be looking at Anakin Skywalker, who doesn’t look a day older than twenty-two, even though it’s been fifteen years since I last saw him?” Rex demands.
Wolffe turns to Anakin who waves at him and turns to Rex. “Yeah...I think we’ve both gone insane,” he says. “I see him too.”
“I’d take offense to the fact that you guys think you’re insane rather than believing I’m actually here, except that I know how far-fetched this entire thing is so...” Anakin shrugs from where he’s suddenly crouched on the railing, causing Rex and Wolffe to yelp, stumble back, and nearly lose their balance.
“Would you stop doing that, General?!” Rex exclaims, now absolutely positive the young man in front of him is, indeed, the young General that he had once fought side by side with during the Clone Wars, except different. Not by much, no, but he does seem different.
Anakin laughs and turns his head. “Hey, guys, get up here, would ya? I wanna introduce you to Rex!”
“You know him?” the blue-black-haired boy calls up.
“Of course I did! I was the General of the 501st that Rex was the captain of during the Clone Wars. We’re old pals, Rex and me, though you’ve gotten so old.”
Rex rubs his temples. Something is telling him that this is going to be a long few days.
And then the walkers arrive.
“Why?” Rex exclaims, throwing his arms up in exasperation upon seeing the walkers that had just been dropped off not long after they had finished their talks with the rebels, helped them out, and even caught dinner. He whirls around and glares at Anakin.
“What did I do?” Anakin says, tilting his head to the side in puzzlement.
Rex jams a finger at the walkers. “Whenever you’re around, something always goes wrong, sir,” he says. No matter how frustrated he is with his general, he does still hold a large amount of respect for his general.
“Hey, I had absolutely nothing to do with this,” Anakin says with a shrug. He reaches into the pack that Rex hadn’t noticed is resting on his shoulder and grins as he pulls out a couple of thermal detonators. “Well, time to go explode some things.”
He jogs away and launches himself off the walker-home-base and darts off toward the walkers.
“...Shouldn’t we stop him?” Ezra asks.
“I know all about Anakin Skywalker,” Kanan says, rubbing his temples. “You’re better off trying to stop a hurricane than stopping Anakin Skywalker when he’s on the move.”
“Tell me about it,” Rex says. “Good thing is, General Skywalker is also really good with explosions. I’d say we have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
He’s right.
He has no idea as to how Anakin manages it but he is striding back to the walker-home-base with a satisfied grin on his lips while the walkers explode and rain burning debris in all directions behind him.
“A few escaped, which is a shame, but oh well. Can’t get ‘em all,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“...You’re insane, you know that?” Zeb says finally.
“You would not believe how many times I’ve been told that,” Anakin says, grinning.
Rex sighs.
. . .
“Wait, you two are Inquisitors?” Anakin folds his arms across his chest as he stares at the two Inquisitors that are standing in front of him. Zeb, Chopper, Ezra, and Sabine are gathering the medical supplies and salvage that they had come to that place to get, and Anakin had just tagged along for something to do.
And to give Ahsoka some more time to come to terms with everything that’s happening so that she doesn’t starting ranting at him for being an idiot again.
It’s still not as bad as the three hour long Yoda lecture that he had to deal with when he jumped to Dagobah that one time though.
“...Are you even listening to me?” the female Inquisitor exclaims.
“Oh, you were talking? My bad. I was just distracted by...pretty much everything but what you were saying. So...you were saying?”
The female Inquisitor’s eyes twitches and her lightsaber ignites. “You’re mine,” she growls and launches herself at Anakin who easily catches her lightsaber with his own. “Fifth Brother, go after the rebels.”
“Fine, Seventh Sister,” the male Inquisitor says and jogs off.
Anakin slams a Force blast into the male Inquisitor, sending him flying into the wall before casually throwing a piece of debris at the male Inquisitor’s head, knocking him out cold.
The Seventh Sister snarls and, breaking off the stalemate, attacks Anakin again.
“Honestly, Vader is getting sloppy with his training,” Anakin says with a sigh and a disappointed shake of his head as he easily matches all of the Seventh Sister’s attacks. “I was a much better trainer than my alter ego seems to be. Or maybe all these jumps are allowing my skills to get better. I dunno. I mean I did learn some neat tricks while Revan and I were causing havoc so I suppose there’s some truth to that statement.”
“Oh would you shut up?!” The Seventh Sister exclaims.
“Hoh? Annoying you, am I? Good.” Anakin grins.
The Seventh Sister lets out a screech of frustration and lunges at Anakin again.
Anakin grins and casually keeps the Seventh Sister at bay.
“Hey, Anakin! We’ve got the supplies!” Ezra shouts over the comlink.
“Great. Head back to the Ghost. I’ll be right there.” Anakin jumps back, kicks the Fifth Brother hard in the head to knock his ass out again when he starts to stir and lashes out with the Force. The Force blast slams into the Seventh Sister, slamming her hard into the metal bulkhead laying behind her.
Anakin deactivates his lightsaber and casually strides off, whistling merrily.
. . .
Leia is on Lothal.
And Leia is not happy.
“What the kriffing hell are you doing here?!” She exclaims upon seeing Anakin casually striding after Kanan and Ezra, whom are disguised as stormtroopers, onto the transport ship that she had borrowed from Lyste at the Jaleth City depot.
“Oh, hi Leia,” Anakin says and plans his hands on his hips. “And just what do you think you are doing, missy?”
“Ummm?” Ezra and Kanan exchange glances before Kanan turns to Anakin. “Wait, how did Lyste not notice you follow us onto this transport?”
“Who’s Lyste? Was he that lieutenant that I ran over with my speeder when I caught up with you guys?” Anakin asks.
“You...ran over...Lieutenant Lyste?” Leia turns and thuds her head against the bulkhead of the transport.
“That doesn’t matter. What does matter is why the heck are you here? You should be back on the safety of Alderaan,” Anakin says firmly.
“And you can’t tell me what to do,” Leia snaps.
“I’m your dad! Of course I can.”
“I was raised by Bail.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I did help take care of you that last time I jumped into this time, and I did sire you.”
“Yeah, all of three days. And you don’t even exist in this time.
“It’s not my fault that was a short jump! And that hurts! That hurts real bad! Of course I exist in this time.”
“You and Vader are not the same person so you don’t exist!”
“If we weren’t the same person then why the hell is it that every time Vader tries to kill me, the Force gets mad at him and stops him from trying to kill himself?”
“I don’t understand a damn thing about the Force but it doesn’t matter. You didn’t raise me so I don’t have to listen to you.”
“I am still your father! You so do still have to listen to me.”
“I do not!”
“Yes you do!”
“Do not!”
“Do too!”
“Guys!” Ezra shouts.
“What?!” Anakin and Leia yell back at him.
He shrinks back and ducks behind Kanan. “Ah, Kanan, wanna take it from here?” he says.
Kanan rolls his eyes. “What Ezra means to say is that we need to focus on getting those ships off the ground and back to the rebellion,” he says and folds his arms across his chest. “We can deal with...this…” He waves at Anakin and Leia. “...later.”
“Fine!” Anakin and Leia growls in unison.
Kanan sighs and rubs his temples. “Yeah, those two are definitely father and daughter. They certainly have the same attitude,” he mutters.
Anakin shrugs at that. “Leia got my temperament. Luke got Padme’s,” he says.
Leia scoffs and folds her arms across her chest. “Can we just focus on getting those gravity locks off my ships...and without blowing them up?” she says, glaring at Anakin who gives her an innocent look.
“I wasn’t going to do that,” he protests.
“That is complete and utter bantha shit and you know it! Shit always blows up when you show up.”
Anakin huffs. “Blow up one Imperial Star Destroyer and you just can’t let it go,” he grumbles.
“You blew up three...above Imperial Center...while Emperor Palpatine was on one of them!”
“Shame it didn’t kill him. Kriffing Sith Lord and his kriffing nine kriffing lives.”
Leia throws her hands up in exasperation. “Let’s just find a way to get those gravity locks off my ships without blowing them up,” she grumbles.
As it will turn out, disabling them isn’t that hard. So long as the stormtroopers and Lyste, who somehow survived getting run over by a speeder, are distracted then Ryder Azadi and Ezra and Kanan can focus on getting the gravity locks off.
Anakin is having a lot of fun distracting the stormtroopers.
Or, rather, chugging everything that isn’t bolted to the ground at the stormtroopers and Lyste to keep them busy and focused entirely on him. All the while, he’s standing on top of Lyste’s shuttle, too high up for the troopers to get a decent shot at him.
“Take him out already!” Lyste shouts.
Anakin drops a crate on his head.
“Ow!”
Anakin laughs and throws a speeder at a squad of troopers that are heading in Kanan’s direction as he focuses on taking out the walker. The speeder goes rolling over the troopers, knocking them out, and Kanan has to jump aside to avoid getting hit by the speeder.
“Hey!” he shouts.
“It missed,” Anakin shouts back.
“It was too close for comfort!”
“It still missed.” Anakin grabs another crate and lifts it into the air, yanking off the top and whistling upon seeing what its filled with. He grins and chugs the crate toward a squad of stormtroopers, and a walker, that are heading toward them.
The crate crashes into the ground.
Every single frag grenade that had been in that crate goes off at the same time, creating a massive explosion that captures all of the troopers and the entire walker in its proximity. Anakin whoops. “Now that’s what I call an explosion!” he shouts.
“Nice to know that you’re enjoying yourself,” Leia, who’s standing next to the shuttle to ensure that she doesn’t make the troopers think that she’s part of the rebels, mutters loud enough for Anakin to hear.
“Hey, you said to distract the stormtroopers.” Anakin grabs one stormtrooper with the Force and flings him at a squad of stormtroopers, taking them all down in a tangle of limbs. And then throws several crates filled with who knows what at them, knocking them out while various pieces of machinary explode out of the crates. “I’m distracting the stormtroopers.”
He grabs another crate and lugs it at another squad, whooping when the crate explodes, and takes out the entire squad in one massive explosion. “Man, these guys really gotta stop leaving explosives just laying around for anyone to grab,” he says.
“You and I both know that those hadn’t been there before you arrived,” Leia growls.
“I knew that I would need them so I sneaked them in.”
Leia thuds her head against the shuttle. “Of course you did,” she mutters and, rubbing her temples, adds, “How are you my father again?”
Anakin shrugs. “Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…” he begins.
“That’s not what I meant! And you know it!” Leia shouts, covering her hears as her face goes bright red.
Anakin shrugs. “Just wait ‘till you meet Han. Jaina, Jacen, and Anakin do have to be conceived somehow,” he says. He pauses and adds, “Not Ben though. I still don’t like that grandson. He’s still disowned.”
“Everything you just said doesn’t make a lick of sense! And I don’t even know this Han person.”
“Not yet~”
“Argh!” Leia thuds her head against the shuttle again.
Anakin laughs.
In the end, they do manage to steal the ships with Ezra stunning Leia to make it look more legit.
Once they are in the safety of space, with the rest of the Rebel fleet, Anakin gives Ezra a withering glare.
“She told me to do it,” Ezra cries from where he is hiding behind Kanan.
“It was only to keep her cover,” Kanan says in the hope of placating the overprotective father.
“That doesn’t mean that I have to like it.” Anakin jams a finger at Ezra. “She’s my daughter, after all.”
Ezra gulps and nods in understanding.
Kanan sighs.
. . .
In hindsight, coming into the Jedi Temple on Lothal after Ahsoka, Kanan, and Ezra hadn’t been the better of Anakin’s plans. But, then, when does he even plan anymore? Not since he got into this situation, that’s for sure. So he suposses that he can’t even call this a plan. It’s more of a follow the three Jedi and hope for the best.
Besides, if those Inquisitors really are following Kanan and Ezra everywhere then that means Anakin can kick their asses again if they end up at the Temple on Lothal.
But, for now, he finds himself in the temple. Ezra and Kanan have gone their separate ways while Ahsoka remains kneeling, meditating, at the heart of the temple.
‘Anakin…’
Anakin turns at the sound of Qui-Gon’s voice and makes his way down the corridor from where Qui-Gon’s came. He folds his arms across his chest upon seeing Qui-Gon’s spirit floating at the heart of the chamber. “You’ve got some explaining to do,” he says.
‘And what am I explaining?’ Qui-Gon says, raising an eyebrow.
“What this is?”
‘What what is?’
“This!” Anakin waves his hand around. “Me being stuck in time and all of that. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to relive my life or I have jumped across multiple timelines and dimensions.”
‘You seem to have gotten a handle on your predicament and your new power,’ Qui-Gon says. ‘Even if you are being rather...creative in each time or dimension that you end up in.’
“That doesn’t answer any of my questions…” Anakin groans but he should have expected nothing less from Qui-Gon Jinn. “You know what, never mind. If I’m stuck in this predicament, I may as well have some fun with it, and take care of business at the same time.”
‘Yes, I have watched you take care of business across the many times and dimensions that you end up in. Though what you did to the Yuuzhan Vong the second time you ended up in that time was a bit...uncalled for.’
“Those bastards are the reason why one of my grandsons died! Of course I was going to make sure that they got their asses handed to them, before I lost my grandson.”
‘I do not even know how you even manage to get your hands on another copy of the Mass Shadow Generator from Revan’s time to begin with.’
“You’d be surprised at what Revan keeps locked away in that holocron of his.”
‘...You know that...I really don’t want to know what else Revan has locked away in his holocron.’
“And it did take care of the threat,” Anakin adds with a shrug.
‘That thing destroyed an entire planet!’
“It was just Malachor V. That planet was already destroyed anyway so it’s not like it really affected it. It just affected the Yuuzhan Vong’s fleet.”
Qui-Gon sighs. ‘At least it’s better than what happened the first time you jumped to the time of the Yuuzhan Vong war,’ he says.
Anakin shudders. “We don’t talk about that...That never happened as far as I’m concerned,” he says.
‘Just like Abeloth…’
“We don’t talk about that either!” Anakin coughs and huffs, running a hand through his hair. “Any particular reason why you’re here?”
‘Yes...There may come a time when another one will end up in the same predicament as you,’ Qui-Gon says.
“If it’s Obi-Wan or Ahsoka or Luke or anyone I care about or love, I will personally find a way to make your afterlife an absolute hell, Qui-Gon,” Anakin growls. He won’t wish this kind of life on anyone that he cares about and loves.
‘Relax. It is no one from this time. Let’s just say that the Force has decided to keep its Chosen Ones together.’
“Chosen Ones...oh!” Anakin grins. “Oh if that’s true then I am quite all right with that. We did have a heck of a lot of fun together. I can show him the ropes!”
‘Anakin…’ Qui-Gon says with a sigh of exasperation.
“What? Is there a big bad danger that we need to work together to destroy to save the future or something?”
‘Well, no, but…’
“Then that’s what I’m gonna do.” Anakin grins, his eyes sharp with excitement, and he turns and jogs off, shouting, “Hey, Snips! You done with your vision?”
He hears Qui-Gon sigh and vanish behind him.
Ahsoka jumps and whirls around, relaxing a second later upon seeing who it is. “Oh, it’s you,” she says and rises to her feet. “Well, my vision showed me absolutely nothing I didn’t already know. I already knew you were Vader, and I already knew that both of you are kriffing insane.”
“Vader’s worse,” Anakin says with a shrug.
“You’re the same person!”
“Vader’s worse,” Anakin says with a shrug.
Ahsoka scowls in irritation at that.
Kanan and Ezra joins them.
Anakin waves a hand toward a corridor that lays nearby. “Go ahead and take that. That’ll take you to a second entrance to this Temple. You may as well go ahead and take it. Those annoying Inquisitors are here and I am looking forward to kicking their asses again,” he says.
“How’d you know that?” Ezra asks.
Anakin shrugs. “I explored this temple during my last jump to Lothal...or was it the jump before last? Eh, doesn’t matter which it was. I just know that it’s there. Go ahead and take it. Vader shouldn’t be that far behind the Inquisitors,” he says.
“Are you sure you’ll be all right against the Inquisitors and Vader?” Ezra says with worry in his voice.
Anakin grins. “I know several tricks that the Inquisitors don’t, and Vader and I can’t kill each other. Believe me, he’s tried...multiple times...I’m pretty sure he tried to blow me up one time. That hadn’t been fun,” he says.
“Yeah, must not be fun to have your own favorite technique used against you,” Ahsoka quips.
“What can I say? I love causing explosions, just so long as I am not in the middle of them. Well, best get going, you guys. I’ll catch up later. I’ve got some Inquisitors to kick the asses of,” Anakin says with a grin.
The three Jedi sigh but dart out of the Temple.
The two Inquisitors aren’t happy upon seeing Anakin, even more so because Anakin has the audacity to give them a cheeky wave in greeting.
“’bout time you got here. I thought you got lost,” he says.
“You will not get lucky this time,” Seventh Sister snarls, igniting her lightsaber.
“And you won’t knock…” Fifth Brother is cut off when Anakin slams a Force push into his chest and throws him into the stone wall, and then throws a piece of stone at his head, knocking him out cold.
“That was even funner the second time,” he chirps with a grin as he ignites his lightsaber with a flourish and points it at Seventh Sister who snarls in fury and leaps at him.
Their blades clash and the fight is on.
It’s not a very long fight, mostly because Anakin keeps chugging every single piece of fallen debris, and anything else that isn’t bolted to the ground, at the Seventh Sister, and then blasting her with the Force and Force lightning.
Gotta love Revan for teaching him that technique.
And gotta love that being stuck in time somehow always resets Anakin’s body and ensure that he never has a mechanical limb. Apparently, he can’t jump across dimensions or times with a mechanical limb due to the differences in technology or whatever. He doesn’t really know. He just knows that he hasn’t had a mechanical limb since his first life, which is awesome.
And the fact that he can use Force lighting out of both of his hands is so cool.
“How?!” Seventh Sister cries as she struggles to fend off the storm of Force lightning that Anakin throws at her.
“I had awesome teachers,” Anakin says with a grin and slams another Force blast into Seventh Sister’s chest, throwing her out of the temple.
He walks out of the Temple, kicking Fifth Brother hard in the head to ensure that he stays unconscious, and smirks upon seeing a familiar shuttle land a few meters beyond where Seventh Sister had skidded to a halt.
Vader strides out of the shuttle and Anakin can feel his fury. “Skywalker!” he shouts.
“Hi Vad,” Anakin says with a cheeky wave of his hand. “Can’t stay long. Gotta make sure that you guys don’t have access to this temple ever again.” He activates the detonation switch to activate the thermal detonators that he had placed around the entrance to the temple.
The entrance explodes.
Fifth Brother, somehow, manages to get clear of the explosion just in time.
Anakin huffs and uses the Force to chug another large stone at Fifth Brother, knocking his ass out for the third time that day.
He turns and waves at the furious Vader. “Give my greetings to old Palps, why don’t ya? Oh and tell him that he sucks while you’re at it. Quote me on that. Bye!”
He launches himself into the air and, landing on the other side of the shuttle, throws a thermal detonator at Vader’s shuttle and runs off, laughing as the shuttle explodes, and Vader’s scream of “Skywalker!” echoes behind him.
. . .
Malachor.
The only thing that Anakin can say about Malachor is that it’s dark, and it sucks. The dark side is so strong here and, yet, it’s nowhere near how strong the dark side had been on Malachor V. At least, according to Revan anyway.
But there is one person here that Anakin is really annoyed to see.
“Maul! How the kriffing hell are you still alive?!” he exclaims upon seeing the former Sith that is standing in front of Ezra, Kanan, and Ahsoka at the base of the temple. Ezra is holding on to the Sith holocron that they had retrieved within the Temple, and had just got done telling them that Maul is an ally.
“Ask your apprentice,” Maul says, waving a hand toward Ahsoka.
Anakin turns to Ahsoka and raises an eyebrow.
“When Order 66 was issued, I needed someone to distract to other clones so I could figure out what Rex meant by ‘Fives’ and then take the chip out of his head,” Ahsoka explains. “He pretty much single-handedly slaughtered like half of those troops and then escaped on the only shuttle that could still fly while the rest of the ship had crashed on a moon of Bogden.”
“Great...Just kriffing great!” Anakin strides forward and slams his fist into Maul’s face, and then starts to beat the every living bantha shit out of Maul.
“Why are you doing that? He’s an ally,” Ezra protests, starting forward but Kanan holds him back.
“I can’t stand it when Sith that are supposed to have died don’t stay dead!” Anakin shouts back as he continues to pound Maul’s face in, with both his fists and his lightsaber hilt.
“Don’t get in the middle of that, Ezra. You really don’t want to be in the middle of that,” Ahsoka says with a sigh of exasperation.
“What does he even mean?” Ezra says in puzzlement.
“The last time I ran into my time-traveling former master, he went on a thirty minute long rant about how much he hates that Sith Lords that he thinks are dead end up being alive again in the future. Apparently, that’s happened to him a few times since he became a time traveler.”
“Oh…”
Once Anakin exhausts himself beating Maul to a pulp, he rises to his feet and strides back to join Ezra, Kanan, and Ahsoka. “That felt good,” he says.
“He’s still alive,” Ahsoka points out.
“Yeah but I got tired.”
Ahsoka drops her head into her hands and groans.
And then Vader shows up.
“You have got to be kriffing kidding me!” Ahsoka exclaims, glaring at Vader as he strides forward.
Vader pauses, glances at Maul, and then turns to Anakin. “Sith Lords who don’t stay dead?” he asks.
“Sith Lords who don’t stay dead,” Anakin growls.
“I can understand your frustration. You rant about it every. Single. Time that you jump into this time,” Vader says.
“I just don’t understand why it is that Sith Lords don’t stay dead when they get killed! I tried to blow up Palpatine like twenty times! And you even threw him down a reactor shift. And he still came back alive thirty years later! It was so annoying!”
“That hasn’t happened yet.”
“But it will.”
“You do not know that.”
“I do so know that.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. It always happens. Every. Single. Time!”
“That does not mean that it will happen this time.”
“Why are you such a damn stubborn-ass sleemo?! It will happen!”
“We won’t know until it actually does.”
“Then do it now!”
“You know that I can’t.”
“Why...Why are you such a kriffing stubborn-ass moron?!”
“I’m you. You just called yourself a kriffing stubborn-ass moron.”
Anakin opens his mouth, falters, and growls out a string of curses.
“He’s got you there,” Ahsoka says in amusement. "You are a stubborn moron."
“Shut it, Snips,” Anakin growls around the string of curses that is slowly causing Kanan to pale and Ezra to raise an eyebrow, impressed.
“I am not here for any of you. Hand over the holocron,” Vader says firmly.
Ezra narrows his eyes as he tightens his grip on the holocron. “No,” he says firmly.
Anakin huffs. “Go ahead and run to your ship,” he says.
“What are you going to do?” Kanan asks.
“Delay Vader.” Anakin grins.
“That grin terrifies me. It really does,” Ezra says with a shiver.
“You and me both,” Kanan says with a shiver.
“That is something all three of us can agree on,” Ahsoka says with a shiver.
Vader doesn’t even get the chance to react before he finds himself knocked backwards because Anakin uses the Force to throw Maul’s unconscious body at him. Both of them go flying off their feet and Anakin shouts, “Let’s book it!”
“Did he…?” Ezra begins.
“Run now, ask questions later,” Ahsoka shouts.
“Right!” Ezra, Kanan, and Ahsoka run after Anakin toward where they had landed their ship earlier.
And, as they ran, Anakin can hear Vader screaming a string of curses behind him.
One glance over his shoulder tells him that Maul isn’t a problem anymore as Vader decided to take care of that little problem himself by slicing off Maul’s head as he gets to his feet.
. . .
“Ah...Tatooine…I still hate this dustball of a planet,” Anakin growls as he strides out of the shuttle he had borrowed from the alliance to go and visit Obi-Wan, and inform him about Maul’s ultimate demise.
He may as well check on his son while he’s at it, since he already knows that his daughter is fine.
But, first, time to track down his hermit brother.
Obi-Wan is shocked to see him. He usually is when Anakin shows up out of the blue in this time, no matter which part of the timeline he ends up arriving in.
“A...Anakin…” he stammers out.
“Hi Master,” Anakin says with a wave as he strides over to join his former master and plops onto the log across from him. “Got some news for you. You remember Maul?”
Obi-Wan just stares at him.
“Of course you do. I mean you wouldn’t really forget the Sith who murdered Qui-Gon, and then showed up alive years later after being cut in half and then, somehow, surviving the aftermath of the Siege of Mandalore. By the way, found out that was totally Ahsoka’s fault, not that I blame her. She did need a distraction, and Maul is a very good distraction. Anyway, so he survived but now he’s dead! My alter ego decided that he had outlived his usefulness, or was just as annoyed as I was that Maul kept coming back alive. I mean I absolutely detest it when a Sith that I thought I had killed just pops up alive years later! It’s so damn annoying! But, yeah, Maul’s dead. That’s my news! So how’ve you been?”
Obi-Wan just continues to stare at him.
Anakin waves a hand in front of his face.
Obi-Wan blinks and shakes his head. “Okay, this must be some sort of desert hallucination or something,” he says and winces when Anakin smacks his arm hard. “Ow!”
“Nope. I’m really here,” Anakin says.
“How? But Vader…”
“...is still around too.”
“But how?”
“I really don’t know. It’s really complicated. Somehow, Vader and I can exist at the same time in spite of the fact that we have the same soul. By the way, don’t worry ‘bout Vader. He may be a stubborn-ass moron at the moment—and Ahsoka is wrong because I am not as stubborn as he is—but he will be redeemed in a future. It always happens so you have that to look forward to.”
“I...I don’t know what to say…”
“Don’t worry about it, Master. I just came to give you the good news about Maul. Now I’m going to go and check up on my son. I already checked on my daughter, she’s doing good by the way, so I need to check on Luke now.”
Obi-Wan just stares as Anakin hugs his former master, jumps to his feet, and jogs off.
“What...just...happened?” He hears his former master say in bafflement behind him and chuckles.
. . .
If Obi-Wan is shocked to see him, so are Beru and Owen.
But, then, they always are.
Luke just stares at him with wide-eyed surprise.
“You...What...What are you doing here?” Owen manages to get out. It comes out as a shout.
“Gees, no need to shout,” Anakin says with a roll of his eyes and grins at Luke. “Hi again Luke.”
“Dad!” Luke launches himself at Anakin who laughs and catches his son. “I’ve missed you! It’s been so long since I last saw you!”
Anakin kisses the top of his son’s head. “I know. I know. I never know when I’m gonna end up around here so I can visit you. I was able to visit Leia. She’s doing good,” he says.
“That’s great,” Luke says.
“How...Luke, how do you know this man?” Owen demands.
“This man is my dad,” Luke says, a frown on his lips as he turns to face his uncle and folds his arms across his chest. “He showed up that week that you and Aunt Beru were stuck in Anchorhead ‘cause of that massive sandstorm when I was five. He watched over me until the sandstorm died down, even if it was only for three days.”
“Yeah, hadn’t really been able to stay longer, unfortunately.” Anakin shrugs. Whenever he jumps back to the timeline of the rebellion, it always seems to be in the same timeline in which he has already established a relationship with his children—yes, even Leia, though Leia is far too much like him that they always end up arguing—and with the other rebels, including the Ghost Crew and Ahsoka.
And, of course, mess with Vader.
That’s always fun.
“Which was a shame but I did enjoy getting to know my dad,” Luke says with a bright grin as he leans close to Anakin who curls his arm around his son’s shoulders.
“I, unfortunately, can’t stay too long. I still have some things that I want to take care of while I’m here.”
“What kind of things?” Owen demands.
“Igniting a slave rebellion, for one, and blowing up Jabba’s palace, for another,” Anakin says with a shrug. “I haven’t done that yet so I may as well. Pretty sure that will save Solo from being frozen in carbonite. Don’t like that annoying scoundrel but he does make Leia happy so I guess I can do that for her.”
“Who are you talking about?” Luke tilts his head to the side in puzzlement.
Anakin pats his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, son. Oh and there is going to be a scary person that you will see in the future. When you see him, shout your name and tell him to stop being a stubborn-ass moron! And tell him that I said that. Quote me if you have to.”
Luke nods. “Sure,” he says while Owen and Beru just look at each other in worry.
“Well, I should get going. Jabba’s palace isn’t going to blow up itself.” Anakin kisses Luke on top of the head and strides off.
Luke waves a goodbye, shouting, “Bye, Dad, love you!”
“I love you too, son!” Anakin shouts back and walks off.
. . .
Of course he has to see the fallout of his last request of his son.
So he leans in the shadows of the hangar bay onboard the Death Star, watching as Vader and Obi-Wan fight while Han, Leia, Chewbacca, Threepio, Artoo, and Luke are all running toward the Millennium Falcon.
Luke skids to a halt, his eyes widening upon seeing Vader and he darts forward. “Hey!” he shouts and Vader starts, whipping his head around while Obi-Wan’s eyes widen in horror.
“My name’s Luke Skywalker,” Luke shouts, “and my dad told me to tell you, and I quote, ‘stop being a stubborn-ass moron!’”
“Luke!” Obi-Wan groans and, lashing out with the Force, slams it into Vader and sends him skidding back, not that he does much to fight it given that Anakin can feel his shock,
Obi-Wan darts forward, grabs Luke’s arm, and promptly drags him toward the Falcon. Both of them vanishing up the boarding ramp and Anakin watches as it lifts off and flies away from the Death Star.
Vader just stands there, staring in wide-eyed shock. “Skywalker...a son...I have a son…” he whispers.
Anakin strides over to join him. “Of course you do,” he says. “For some reason, you never know that when I jump into this time. I think the Force prevents you from automatically knowing so I just get it revealed without actively revealing it myself, ‘cause I don’t think the Force would let me.”
“A son…”
“Yup. Now do as Luke says and quit being a stubborn-ass moron.”
Vader shakes his head. “Luke…” he begins.
“If you even so much as mention Luke and the dark side in the same sentence, I will smack your face with this,” Anakin growls, lifting the metal rod that he had found in the hangar bay in his hand. “Feel Luke’s presence. What do you feel?”
Vader reaches out with the Force and winces. “A sun,” he says. “He’s a sun in the Force.”
“Exactly. Are suns meant to be dark?”
Vader shakes his head.
“Exactly. Now then…” Anakin smacks Vader in the mask with the metal rod and, dropping it, strides off with a laugh as Vader lets loose a string of curses behind him.
. . .
“And, in recent news, Emperor Palpatine has been assassinated. As his heir, Lord Darth Vader has officially announced the dismantling of the Empire and the reestablishment of the Republic. He has requested the chance to negotiate a peace treaty with the Rebel Alliance,” the reporter on the holonet says.
Obi-Wan just stares.
“Okay, what just happened?” Han says.
“I think...we just won the war...and I don’t know how,” Leia says. She pauses, then says, “Actually, I think I do know how.”
“So do I,” Ahsoka says and both of them glare at Anakin when he walks into the room.
He grins at them.
Luke jogs over to join him and hugs him. He beams and hugs him back.
“What did you do?” Leia demands.
Anakin’s grin widens. “Me and Vader are the same person. I just told him about Luke being his son, and to stop being a stubborn-ass moron, since I know he’s going to come back to the light and kill Palpatine anyway. It always happens,” he says with a shrug. He pauses, then adds, “Should probably go and make sure that bastard stays dead.” He turns and strides of, whistling, while Ahsoka and Obi-Wan thud their heads against the wall and Leia just groans while the Ghost Crew and Han just stare in shock.
Luke moves over to join his twin sister and pats her on the back.
“Why is our dad, both of them in this case, insane?” Leia asks.
“No idea,” Luke admits.
. . .
Notes:
The next chapter is either going to be another Anakin relives his life chapter, with a twist, or a jump to the time of the Old Republic online game. If it is the latter then you will be introduced to the second Jedi Stuck in Time that Qui-Gon mentioned in this chapter. I am sure everyone can guess who that person is. It had even been suggested by a reader, who didn't know that I had already had that planned so kudos for predicting that correctly. We will see which it is though. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and reviews and kudos are, as usual, much appreciated.
Chapter 7: In Which the Prodigal Knight is Stuck in Time
Summary:
"The medical room is now empty, hence the reason why Vrook is on the verge of having an anxiety attack because how in the nine Corellian hells do the Jedi healers lose a kriffing Sith Lord?"
Notes:
And here is the next chapter, where our resident Prodigal Knight, and Chosen One of the Old Republic, becomes stuck in time.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Revan had been fully prepare to become one with the Force upon his death on Yavin 4.
He was fully prepared to be reunited with his beloved Bastila Shan and all the friends that he had made in the past. He was fully prepared to finally be at peace, to finally rest and not have to worry about anything.
Sure, there were mistakes that he made that he wished he could fix. There were many things that he would have done differently, but, of course, there were also many things that he would have kept the same.
But he wouldn’t be able to fix those mistakes now that he was one with the Force. They were set in stone.
Or so he thought.
He was not prepared to find himself standing across from a young man whom he felt he should recognize, but whom was currently gazing at him with amusement in his bright blue eyes. “Hello Revan,” he greeted.
“And who are you?” Revan said, folding his arms across his chest.
“Name’s Anakin. I think they snatched you from a timeline that happened before I met you but it doesn’t matter. Anyway, so I get to be the one to explain what happened to you, and show you the ropes so to speak.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, you said...thought...whatever the kriff passes for speech in this place that you wished you could fix your mistakes and all that so the Force has decided to grant you that.”
“Grant me my wish?” Revan frowned because he couldn’t quite figure out what Anakin was going on about.
“Yup. I’m gonna give you more information than what Qui-Gon gave me, the moron basically decided to be a massive ass skeptic so I’ll, at least, try not to do that. Anyway, so you, like me, are no longer part of any set time. You’re in time itself, which allows you a freedom to relive your life and fix your mistakes or jump to other timelines and dimensions if you want to. But if you do jump into other timelines and dimensions, know that you don’t have any say in when you will arrive. You’ll just arrive at some random place in some random time. Let’s hope that you never end up on Dagobah. That place sucks.”
“...You do realize that everything you just said doesn’t make a lick of sense, right?”
“Yeah, I pretty much get that every single time I try to explain my own predicament.”
Revan hummed and closed his eyes. “So, essentially speaking, I am now a time jumper who can move between times and dimensions at will,” he said.
“...You know what, that makes a heck of a lot of more sense than my explanation,” Anakin exclaimed. “But, then, what else did I expect from Revan? He’s...well...Revan!”
Revan raised his eyebrows and opened his eyes. “Was that a compliment?”
“Of course it was! Anyway, I’m gonna go and bug the shit out of Palpatine, and make sure he dies early this time. Have fun, Revan! I’m sure I’ll see you around but I’m gonna let you have your fun with your own life right now.” Anakin actually waved and then was gone.
Revan was left alone and the only thing he could think about was this was going to be fun.
. . .
“Where is he?” Jedi Master Vrook demands as he swiftly strides into the medical room where Darth Revan had been brought after his life had been saved by Bastila Shan after she had led her strike team onto his flagship.
The medical room is now empty, hence the reason why Vrook is on the verge of having an anxiety attack because how in the nine Corellian hells do the Jedi healers lose a kriffing Sith Lord?
“We don’t know, Master Vrook,” the chief healer says. “We just came in to check on him but he was gone.”
Vrook ran a hand down his face and groans because he doesn’t know how this happened. He just knows that, somehow, someway, Darth Revan had managed to not only get up with his extensive injuries but also escape the medical room with those same extensive injuries. And he can’t even begin to figure out just how that happened.
“I will speak with Padawan Shan. She was the last one to see him,” he says and, turning on his heel, strides out of the medical room.
He doesn’t get very far before a scream erupts and he, resisting the urge to scowl, runs forward in time to see several Jedi knights attempting to fend off an onslaught of kath hounds that are swarming the courtyard of Dantooine’s Jedi Enclave.
What…? How…? Why?
Vrook strides forward, reaching for his lightsaber to help out but, upon noticing that the knights seem to have the situation under control, he stops.
“You know it’s actually quite easy to manipulate those kath hounds into thinking there’s food in this enclave. Highly amusing to see everyone’s reaction to the enclave being stormed by kath hounds too.”
Vrook stiffens and whirls around, eyes widening in shock upon seeing the source of the familiar voice.
Revan, no longer clad in his armor or even his mask, is lounging on the roof of the enclave, overlooking the courtyard. His dark brown eyes—no longer yellow to signify dark side corruption, Vrook notices absently—are watching the entire scene with amusement in their depths.
Vrook scowls but, to ensure that the Jedi in the courtyard don’t panic even more than they already are, he jumps up, using the Force to guide him and lands on the roof besides Revan. His lightsaber is in his hand and ignited, pointing at Revan. “Darth Revan, you are under arrest,” he says firmly.
Revan gives him a bored look. “If you couldn’t keep me prisoner in your medical room while I was as badly injured as I was, do you really think you can keep me prisoner when I’m fully healed?” he says, raising an eyebrow.
Vrook scowls. “You are our prisoner, Darth Revan…”
“Force, Vrook, would you stop calling me that? It’s quite annoying. Honestly, for me to wake up after Malak’s betrayal is bad enough but now I gotta deal with everyone thinking I’m some big bad Sith Lord. And it’s even worse ‘cause I gotta deal with you and the stupid Jedi Council.”
Vrook opens his mouth, closes it, then says, “We’re worse than everyone thinking you're a Sith Lord, even though you are one?”
“Of course the Jedi Council is worse,” Revan says with a roll of his eyes as he rises to his feet. “And I used to be a Sith Lord, used to be. I ain’t one anymore. Too boring, and Malak’s an idiot. Hmm, should go see just how much of an idiot Malak actually is. Wonder if he stupidly didn’t change all of the military codes.” Revan strides off while Vrook is left staring at where he had been standing seconds earlier.
Realizing what’s happening, Vrook curses and chases after Revan. “You are not going anywhere,” he shouts.
Revan has the audacity to flip him off and then bolt, using the Force to increase his speed and once again reminding Vrook that Revan, for some reason, had just magically healed from his extensive injuries.
He groans as he runs his hand down his face again.
The rest of the Council isn’t going to like this. Not at all.
. . .
Revan strides down the streets of Upper Taris.
Why he’s on Taris, one may ask? Well, quite frankly, it’s because the Jedi are absolute idiots who had decided that sending a Jedi padawan to fight against Malak, even if she does have access to Battle Meditation, is a good idea. Even if they don’t have control over Revan, like they had in his first life, they do still have a war to fight after all.
Just like every other life that Revan has lived since his talk with Anakin after his first life.
Being a time jumper is quite an exhilarating experience if Revan is being quite honest with himself. Even if he always seems to wake up after Malak’s betrayal and right before the Jedi Council reprogram his mind with a new identity, he goes out of his way to make each life far more interesting than his last one.
The very first time that he woke up, he had allowed them to think that they had reprogrammed him and lived his life pretty close to how he had lived his first life, except that he made sure to beat the every living bantha shit out of Malak onboard the Leviathan to ensure that Bastila wasn’t captured. Oh and he may, or may not, have stolen a Republic Star Destroyer and crashed it into the Sith Emperor’s Citadel on Dromund Kaas.
Shame that still didn’t kill the bastard but it did prevent the bastard from imprisoning Revan for three hundred years.
And it did still prevent him from invading the Republic for three hundred years because Revan had ensured that the Star Destroyer had been filled to the brim with baradium nitrate and other explosive substances that pretty much succeeded in leveling all of Kaas City and all of its surrounding jungles.
Yeah, they hadn’t been able to do shit after that, much to Revan’s satisfaction.
Getting to actually watch his son grow up had definitely made that worthwhile.
But, now, it’s Revan’s tenth life and he decides that he’s going to have a bit more fun than he had in his previous lives.
And he will never turn down the chance to mess with Malak. Messing with Malak is just as fun as messing with Vitiate, with the only exception being that he can turn Malak back to the light side and he really doesn’t give a damn what happens to Vitiate. That bastard can go die in a Sarlacc’s Pit for all he cares.
So, yeah, he’s on Taris, ready to intervene when the Endar Spire that is currently above the planet explodes and the Sith quarantine the planet to track down Bastila.
He wonders if Trask will actually survive this time. He hasn’t the last nine times that Revan’s lived his life so chances are low that he will but it’s a curious thought.
He pushes it aside as he strides toward the Sith military base. Of course, his empire has a base on Taris. It had only started seeing actual work when the Endar Spire had been destroyed but it has always been there since the Civil War began.
And it’s still stupid that they refer to this war as the Jedi Civil War when Malak is, quite clearly, a Sith and not a Jedi but, then, non-Force sensitives just don’t understand the differences between Jedi and Sith so Revan supposes he can’t fault them for how they refer to this war.
He strides into the Military Base like he owns the place.
He essentially does, given that Malak had been an idiot and hadn’t bothered on changing the security codes. He hums as he scans the area and then walks up to the receptionist. “Who’s in charge here?” he says.
“The Sith Governor but you are not allowed in here. If you do not leave, I will call the guards,” the receptionist says firmly.
Revan rolls eyes and tosses the receptionist a handful of credits. “Will that get you outta here and allow me to ransack this place?” he asks. He had just tossed her five thousand credits.
The receptionist is out of there so fast that she leaves a trail of dust in her wake.
And yet these offices are kept immaculately clean. How…? You know what, I don’t even care. Revan shrugs and strides off, making his way deeper into the military base and happily downloading any and all information that he can find.
He comes across several battle droids that he calmly freezes in place with a massive stasis field before they can fire on him and darts from one to another, easily reprogramming them to only fire on Sith and then sent them on their merry way.
He ignores the blasterfire and the screams and the shouts that echo behind him as he makes his way to the turbolift, reprogramming any droid that gets in his way, and rides it to the Sith governor’s office.
“You! What are you doing here?” The Sith Governor demands.
Revan leans against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s you,” he deadpans. “You know if Malak was going to replace the governor I chose with someone, I really wish he had chosen someone who isn’t a complete imbecile. But, given that he hadn’t even bothered on changing the security codes after he took my throne, I really shouldn’t be surprised.”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m not who you thought I’d be. I’ll kill you and, finally, Lord Malak will give me a lightsaber of my own,” the Sith Governor declares.
Revan casually throws one of his lightsabers, using the Force to send it spinning straight through the startled governor’s neck, and then calling it back to his hand. As the body slumps forward, he calls the launch codes to his hand and strides off.
“Tch, moron,” he mutters as he walks off.
. . .
Bastila is shocked to see Revan as he casually strides over to her cage after allowing his reprogrammed droids to virtually annihilate the Black Vulkars and then Force pushed Brejik out of a window. That never gets old. It really doesn’t. It’s how Revan has taken care of Brejik every single time he’s relived his life.
“Y...You?” she stammers out.
“Hello there, Jedi Princess,” Revan greets with a roguish smirk as he waves a hand, opening up her cage and undoing the neutralizer collar that is around her neck.
“But...How…? Why?!”
Revan shrugs, knowing from the bond between them that Bastila’s shock is not so much on his sudden appearance but rather on the fact that he is helping her. “I want to beat the ever living bantha shit out of Malak for his betrayal so I may as well help the Jedi out,” he says.
“But you fled from the Enclave?”
Revan rolls his eyes. “Did you really think that I would stay and let them reprogram me like some droid? Honestly, princess, even non-ex-Sith Lords wouldn’t have stayed and let that happen to them,” he says.
The door burst open and Carth, Mission, and Zaalbar stumble into the room. They stare around, looking wide eyed at the carnage that lay around them and then turn toward Revan and Bastila, the former of whom gives them a long bored look.
“Gees, took ya long enough to get here. I gave you directions to this place and I still beat you here,” he deadpans. It’s true. He had slipped directions to the area where Bastila was being kept—something that he had discovered in his fifth life. Man, if he had known of where Bastila was being kept in his first life then he wouldn’t have had to race in that stupid swoop race—three days ago.
“He didn’t believe them. Thought they were some sort of trap,” Mission explains with a wave of her hand toward Carth who is staring at Revan with wide eyes, a sputter of shocked indignation. “Yo, Rev. Been a long time.”
“It’s only been a month since I eradicated those Gammorrean slavers from the sewers,” Revan says with a shrug.
“You did what?” Bastila blurts out.
Revan shrugs. “Slavery is the one thing that Malak and I did agree on. We both don’t like it and I may as well eradicate it wherever I go. Besides, seeing those Gammorreans run is funny,” he says.
“Especially when they’re being chased by a horde of reprogrammed droids shouting ‘die meatbag’,” Mission says and bursts into giggles while Revan smirks.
Yeah, he may or may not be reprogramming every single droid that he has come across, that can speak, into referring to every living being as a meatbag.
Force, he misses HK now.
He’s going to have to head to Tatooine soon and get his assassin droid back.
“What is going on here?” Carth exclaims.
“Don’t worry about it, Captain,” Revan says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s get the kriff off this planet. By the way, I have the launch codes to get past the Sith blockade. So we just need to go steal Davik Kang’s Ebon Hawk and we’re good to go.”
“Wait, we’ve gotta steal what?!”
. . .
Stealing Davik Kang’s ship isn’t that hard.
Revan makes sure to absolutely butcher Calo Nord because he really doesn’t want to have to deal with that bastard later on. Canderous, who had been at Davik Kang’s estate, had been more than happy to help for a free ticket off that Force-forsaken planet.
Bastila looks rather sick upon seeing that.
Carth actually does get sick.
Mission raises an eyebrow at Carth. “Wimp,” she says.
“You don’t seem affected by that, Mission,” Bastila says with a swallow.
Mission shrugs. “I’ve seen Gammorreans naked. Nothing bothers me anymore,” she says.
Revan shivers. That is a mental image that he could have gone several more lifetimes without ever seeing.
. . .
The Jedi Council aren’t happy when the stolen Ebon Hawk lands at their enclave and Revan happily leads the way out of the ship. He just waves at the Council and strides off, shouting, “I’m gonna go raid the old ruins! And probably go kick the asses of some annoying Mandalorian Raiders and go just...do a bunch of other shit that isn’t here.”
“Mandalorian Raiders? Wait, Revan, I’ll accompany you,” Canderous shouts as he runs after Revan.
“You know what, I’m bored. I’m going with you, Rev,” Mission shouts and runs after Canderous.
‘Me too!’ Zaalbar barks out and runs after Mission, leaving the Jedi Council to just deal with a shocked Carth and Bastila who just has her face buried into her hands.
“Um, Bastila?” Vandar begins.
“I don’t even know,” Bastila says with a shake of her head. “He’s been like that since we met up on Taris. I don’t even know why the heck he even agreed to come to Dantooine, considering what happened when he left.”
“He sicked an entire pack of kath hounds on the enclave,” Vrook grumbles, still very peeved about that incident.
“I don’t sense any darkness around him though,” Vandar says thoughtfully. “And Master Vrook didn’t sense any darkness around him when he first left the enclave. Maybe he’s been redeemed.”
A boom sounds.
“Why did you just blow up that speeder, Rev?” Mission shouts.
“I didn’t do anything! The droid blew up that speeder!” Revan shouts back.
“After you reprogrammed it. What did you program it to do?”
“I thought I programmed it to just destroy enemies but I think I might have crosswired something and, instead, it’s now...well, it’s kinda destroying everything non-organic in its path.”
Another boom sounds.
“And there goes the courtyard…”
A protocol droid makes its way over to join the Jedi masters, Bastila, and Carth. “My master Revan has tasked me with informing you that someone should probably go and stop that droid that is currently destroying everything non-organic in its path, meatbags,” it says and walks off while Bastila stares.
“Did that droid just call us all meatbags?” she echoes.
“Yes, yes it did,” Vandar says. He turns. “Dorak, come and help me find this droid before it destroys anything else.”
Another boom erupts.
Bastila turns to see smoke emitting from the west wing of the enclave. “And I would suggest making haste, Masters. I’m pretty sure that droid just caused part of the archives to blow up,” she says.
Vandar and Dorak wince but dart off.
. . .
“Ha, defeating those Mandalorian Raiders was child’s play,” Canderous says as he, Mission, and Zaalbar stride over to join Revan who has just thoroughly looted the crystal caves and is happily sorting through his loot.
“Oh, purple crystals. I am so keeping these,” he says as he tucks them away and goes back to sorting through the rest of the blue, green, and yellow crystals. He raises an eyebrow upon seeing a white crystal and, shrugging, tucks that one away as well.
“Aren’t those things like expensive as all hell?” Mission asks.
“Yup. One crystal can give you a small fortune,” Revan says with a shrug as he scoops up the rest of the crystals and tucks them away. “Of course, the crystals on Ilum are worth more but these will do just nicely to get us all a hell of a lot of money.”
“I’m just in it for the fights,” Canderous says with a shrug.
Mission grins though. “Can I have some, Rev?” she says.
Revan hands her a handful.
“Awesome!”
Bastila strides over to join them with Vandar at her side. “We need to ta...did you just loot the crystal caves?” she exclaims.
Revan raises an eyebrow at her. “Was I not supposed to? ‘Cause I always do. Like literally every single time I’m on Dantooine, I’ll loot these caves and use the money toward whatever the heck I want, though that usually amounts to more parts so I can build more droids to let loose on Malak and his followers. That’s always fun.”
It’s true. Every single time that Revan relives his life, he’s raided the crystal caves of Dantooine, and even gone to Ilum to raid those caves and then sells the crystals, makes a massive profit, and promptly steals the crystals back and returns them. He, sure as hell, is not going to allow those crystals to stay in the wrong hands after all.
He trusts Mission though. She actually has always just kept them as keepsakes whenever he gave them to her in his previous lives.
Bastila rubs her temples. “Either way, we need to discuss what to do now,” she say.
“Star Forge is located in the Lehon system, above Rakata Prime, but there is a disruptor field around the planet so you’re gonna have to find a way to go to the planet’s surface, preferably without crash landing like I did...several times”—Revan is still quite annoyed that every single time in every one of the past nine lifetimes, he has always crash-landed on Rakata Prime. Damn Malak—“and turn off the disruptor field. Also, Carth’s son is at the Sith Academy on Korriban, Mission’s brother is being held captive by Tuskens but I’ll take care of that ‘cause I gotta go and get my droid HK anyway.”
He hums to himself and adds, “Oh, Jolee’s on Kashyyyk and looking for a way off the planet, Zaalbar is actually the son of the leader of the Wookiees who needs to team up with his father and beat the ever living bantha shit out of his brother. Don’t worry about Manaan. No one cares about Manaan. Annnnd...I’m pretty sure that’s it. Now if you’ll excuse me…”
He jumps to his feet and strides off, shouting, “Mission! C’mon, we’ve got an assassin droid to pick up, a brother to bust out of captivity, and I think I’m gonna go ahead and tame the krayt dragon while I’m at it.”
“I don’t get anything that you just said before this but okay!” Mission darts off after Revan while Zaalbar hurries after her.
“Revan, you are far more interesting than I thought you were. I’m going with you, of course,” Canderous shouts and runs after them while Bastila and Vandar are just left staring at them.
“Did he just…?” Bastila begins.
“Go with him. We need someone who is rationale to be with him. You may as well see if he is right about everything that he just said,” Vandar says.
“Yes Masters,” Bastila says and hurries after them.
. . .
“Statement: It is good to see you again, Master!” HK-47 sounds so excited to see Revan again but Revan can’t blame him because he is excited to see his assassin droid again.
“And it’s good to see you again, HK,” he says with a grin and glances at Yuka Laka. “I’m taking him.”
“That will be five thousand credits,” Laka says.
Revan casually ignites his now purple lightsaber and points it at Laka’s throat.
“Or free. Yes, free will do. Let me just remove his restraining bolt.” Laka swallows and moves toward HK-47, removing the restraining bolt and stepping away as HK-47 walks over to join Revan who deactivates his lightsaber.
“Did you really just threaten that poor Ithorian to give you that droid for free?” Bastila demands aghast.
Revan shrugs. “Wouldn’t be the first time,” he says. And it’s true. He has only ever paid for HK once, and that was during his first life while his memories had still been sealed away. All the other lives that he has lived, he has either bribed or threatened the Ithorian into giving him his droid back.
One time, he thinks it was his fifth life, he actually just showed up in full-on Darth Revan gear and terrified Laka into just handing over the droid without even asking for a price.
That had been fun. It’s always fun to shock the shit out of other people, especially since he used to be a Sith Lord who very nearly conquered the entire Republic, and everyone knows that from the moment they see his mask.
Speaking of his mask, he makes a note to get that back at some point.
Now where did I put it this time?
He’ll worry about that later. For now, he has an asshole of a brother to bust out of the Tuskens’ camp and a krayt dragon to tame.
. . .
As usual, Griff is an absolute asshole.
Revan sighs upon hearing the idiot’s excuses for having left Mission behind, and then having the audacity to ask her for money. He leans toward Mission. “No one would blame you at all if you slapped that asshole,” he says.
Mission strides forward and promptly slaps Griff so hard that she knocks him off his feet. “Don’t talk to me again ever,” she shouts and storms off but not before Revan sees tears welling up in her eyes.
Griff always seems to make Mission cry, no matter how many times Revan has lived his life.
Kriffing asshole deserves what’s about to happen, and Revan certainly never gets tired of scaring the shit out of the greedy, inconsiderate stupid asshole that doesn’t deserve to call himself Mission’s brother.
His lips press together and he strides toward Griff, grabbing him with the Force and yanking him to his feet. “You better get your shit together, Griff,” he hisses, not even bothering on stopping his eyes from flashing to yellow as he glares furiously at Griff, “because Mission has become like a little sister to me, and you just made her cry! You’re lucky that I can sense that she still cares about you or I would beat the ever living bantha shit outta out and then feed you to a krayt dragon. So get your shit together or else I will find out and feed you to a krayt dragon. Got it?”
Griff, whom Revan is pretty sure has just soiled himself, swallows and nods. “Got it,” he says, his voice shaking.
“Good.” Revan throws him to the ground and, turning, storms out of the room, ignoring the aghast expression that Bastila is giving him. He just moves over to join Mission and wraps his arms around her, drawing her close.
“He doesn’t deserve to have a little sister as great as you, Mission,” he says softly.
Mission sobs and, turning, buries her face into his chest. “I actually thought he cared but...but he doesn’t. He’s just...He’s just a greedy little...little…sleemo! And I thought that was Lena but it wasn’t,” she sobs.
“When we find Lena again, you can speak with her and apologize if you’d like,” Revan says.
“I’d like that.”
“Revan, was it necessary to threaten Griff like that?” Bastila protests as she comes to Revan’s side, giving him that aghast expression again.
“I only ensured that he will change his ways. He made Mission cry, Bastila,” Revan says as he holds Mission who is still quietly sobbing against him. “And I don’t like it when people I care about are reduced to tears. He’s really lucky that a part of Mission still cares about him or else I would have feed him to a krayt dragon. Speaking of that, I gotta go tame me a krayt dragon now. Wanna come and watch, Mission?”
Mission sniffs and lifts her head, a small smile crossing her lips. “So long as I don’t get eaten by it,” she says.
“Don’t worry. Griff may have angered me but no one has pissed me off enough that I would feed them to a krayt dragon,” Revan says with a shrug.
“Note to self: do not piss of Revan,” Carth mutters.
Revan cast a glance over his shoulder at Carth who is trying hard not to glare burning daggers into his back. He may be scared of Revan, even more so in light of what just happened, but he knows that Carth still blames him for Telos. That had only eased a little bit after finding out that his son’s alive but not by much.
He rolls his eyes but decides that he won’t worry about that right now.
For now, he has a krayt dragon to tame.
. . .
Taming the krayt dragon really isn’t hard at all.
The hard part is coming up with a name for it.
“Hmm, what about Spooky? No, that sounds dumb. How about Sand? Now, that’s even dumber!” Revan grumbles as he paces in front of the krayt dragon that is curled up in a ball in front of him, watching him with large adorable eyes and occasionally snorting, mostly whenever Revan speaks a completely ridiculous name.
“Suggestion: perhaps we can simply call him Meatbag,” HK-47 says.
“We are not calling this krayt dragon Meatbag,” Mission says firmly from where she is leaning against the krayt dragon, one hand stroking its scales. “It’s too cute for that.”
“You find that thing cute?” Carth says aghast.
Zaalbar barks in agreement, though not with Carth. He’s agreeing with Mission, considering he’s also leaning against the krayt dragon who doesn’t seem to mind the two of them using it as a pillow.
Revan hums. “Sunny?” he says.
Another snort erupts from the krayt dragon’s nostrils.
Canderous snorts. “That’s a stupid name, Revan,” he says. He grins as he points to the krayt dragon. “How about Verd, it’s Mando’a and it means Warrior. And I’d say that a krayt dragon is definitely a warrior in their own environment.”
“Verd, huh? What do you say?” Revan says, turning to the krayt dragon who lifts its massive head and nods once. “All right, Verd it is.”
Bastila just sighs. “Only Revan would become friends with a krayt dragon, only him,” she mutters.
. . .
Jolee can safely say that when Revan arrived on Kashyyyk, things certainly got interesting.
And he’s not just talking about the revolt against Czerka or the fact that he gave Freyr the means, and the weapons, to take back his clan from Chuundar, and beat the every living bantha shit out of Chuundar while he is at it.
No, he’s talking primarily about the army of reprogrammed droids that are currently leading the revolt against Czerka, all of which are yelling “you will be exterminated, meatbag!” each time they fire at the Czerka employees.
“Why?!” Carth exclaims, throwing his hands up and glaring at Revan.
Revan shrugs. “What can I say? It amuses me,” he says.
“I didn’t mean the meatbag thing, though you have a very twisted sense of humor, I mean the whole sending a whole army of reprogrammed droids after Czerka!” Carth exclaims.
“Why not?”
Czerka gives up and, turning, bangs his head against the side of the Ebon Hawk while Canderous is laughing his ass off again and even Mission and Zaalbar are giggling.
Revan hums. “You know...I just realized something. Juhani isn’t with us this time.” He shrugs and walks back to the ship while everyone puzzles over that statement, mostly the whole this time part of it.
Jolee just shrugs. He really doesn’t care but he is definitely going to enjoy spending time with Revan.
. . .
“Should we go to Manaan?”
“No.”
“There might be something important there.”
“I don’t care. We’re not going to Manaan.”
“Why not?”
“’Cause it’s the most boring planet in the galaxy. We’re not going.”
“Well, all right then.”
After all, no one cares about Manaan.
. . .
Korriban is a blight in the galaxy, one of the planets that Revan dislikes the most, except Manaan but, once again, no one cares about Manaan.
Truthfully, Dromund Kaas is the only planet that Revan actually, truly, loathes and he plans to do something about the Sith Emperor and his Sith Army that are waiting there as soon as he can.
But, for now, time to destroy a Sith Academy, rescue Carth’s son, and make away with as much information as he can possibly get out of the Academy’s archives, though not in that order obviously.
He allows HK to be the one to destroy the Academy, uses the Force to pretty much show Dustil the truth of what the Sith are truly like, and then raids the Archives, while knocking Uthar Wynn out as he does so.
“I’ll give you a choice, Yuthura,” he says to the purple-skinned Twi’lek who has arrived in the Archives to try to stop him. “Either you try to kill me and I’ll knock you out and let you burn with the rest of the academy or you go and get as far as way from this academy as you physically can before it goes up in smoke.”
Yuthura has self-preservation.
She knows that she can’t win against Revan because, well, Revan.
So she chooses the latter option and just books it out of there.
“And get the kids out while you’re at it,” Revan shouts.
Ten minutes later, the only people that are left in the Academy are the die-hard Sith fanatics who absolutely refuse to leave, and Uthar Wynn but that’s only because Wynn is still unconscious and Revan really doesn’t want to wake him up.
The Academy is up in blue flames even before Revan makes it back to Dreshdae.
“Okay, HK, how did you manage to make those flames blue?” Revan asks into his comlink as he walks back to the Hawk.
“Statement: it is quite a long and technical explanation…” HK begins.
“On second thought, I don’t want to know.”
. . .
They reach Rakata Prime.
And the Ebon Hawk is forced to crash land as soon as it hits that disruptor field.
“Why?! Every kriffing time I come to this stupid ass planet, I always crash-land!” Revan explodes as he storms out of the Hawk with fury etched into his face and a tirade of curses escapes his lips that causes Carth to pale, Mission to gaze at him in surprise, and Canderous to raise an eyebrow, impressed.
“We should...ah...worry about getting the disruptor field down,” Bastila says.
Revan strides over to join Bastila and, much to her surprise, sweeps her off her feet into his arms so that he is holding her bridal style. “We can handle that ourselves, my dear,” he says and strides off while Bastila, her face red, sputters out a protest and demands that Revan put her down.
He does once they get close to the Temple of the Ancients.
Though that’s only because they’re both being cornered by two tribes of Rakatans that are glaring at him, and at each other.
Revan blinks and then hangs his head and sighs. “Oh yeah...I had forgotten about that,” he says.
In his defense, he had completely bypassed both Rakatan tribes by purposely crash-landing the Ebon Hawk onto the Temple of the Ancients the last time he relived his life.
Well, he can’t really say purposely because, well, it had been on complete accident that the Ebon Hawk’s free-fall had gotten far more inland than had happened all the other times.
So, yeah, he had forgotten about this little problem.
“Forgotten about what?” Bastila demands.
Revan points to one group. “I promised the Elders that I would help them. I promised the One that I would destroy the Elders and steal their secrets for them. I never had any intention of keeping either promise so...yeah...they’re both pissed at me now,” he says.
Bastila stares at him and sighs. “I’m not even surprised anymore. I really am not,” she mutters, burying her face into her hands. “Can you fix it?”
“That depends...you okay with quite a lot of bloodshed?”
Bastila shivers but sighs as if she has come to expect that from him, which she should have in all honesty. That or armies of reprogrammed droids yelling meatbag at every living being that they shoot. “So long as I don’t have to watch, or listen,” she says.
“Deal. Just go back to the beach and I’ll come and get you once I’m done, my dear.”
Bastila sighs again but turns and jogs away while Revan turns to the Elders.
“If I get rid of the One and his followers, will you stop trying to set me on fire with your eyes?” he calls.
“Why should we believe anything that you have to say, Dark One?” the leader of the Elders—what is his name again? Revan isn’t even sure that he paid attention the last time he was here, and he doesn’t recall ever asking for that Rakatan’s name the other times that he had come to his planet in the past several lives he’s lived—says.
“Because it’s either that or let the One and his followers kill you all and I, at least, have the power to protect you from them,” Revan says with a shrug. “I mean, of course, you can always say no and try your luck but I wouldn’t recommend it.”
The Elders talk quickly among each other and then the leader nods. “If you can get rid of that threat then we will listen to you,” he says. “But I would ask that you try not to kill them. We would rather a peaceful option.”
Revan turns to the One. “Are you going to surrender peacefully?” he says.
All of the One’s warriors immediately lift their weapons.
“Sorry. Peaceful solution is out the window. You probably don’t want to look.”
That’s the only warning that the Elders get before Revan is on the move.
They don’t look as Revan, in five minutes flat, slaughters every single member of the One.
“Well, that was easy. Now can I get into the Temple of the Ancients to destroy the disruptor field and get rid of that eyesore in the sky for you?” he says, pointing at the sky, and the Star Forge that hovers above the planet.
The Elders nod slowly in agreement, probably too scared to deny him.
“Wonderful!”
. . .
Everyone is crammed into the cockpit as Carth guides it to the Star Forge.
“So what’s the plan?” Carth says. Revan is glad that Carth had finally warmed up to him, though that only happened because they rescued Dustil, who had been the one to remind Carth that Telos hadn’t been Revan’s fault.
Speaking of Dustil, he’s watching the entire scene from next to his father. Guess in this life, Dustil takes Juhani’s spot. Huh. Who knew?
“We land, we kick ass, we blow up the Star Forge, we go home,” Revan says with a shrug.
“Is that really a plan?”
Revan shrugs again. “I don’t really plan. I just go and do,” he says.
“It’s a wonder you’re still alive, kid,” Jolee says with a laugh.
“As if anyone can kill Revan. I mean, it’s Revan,” Canderous says with a laugh as he clasps his hand on Revan’s shoulder.
No one argues that. Revan doesn’t even deny it. After all, Malak did try to blow up an entire planet just to kill him.
Granted, Revan and his comrades had already been off the planet when that happened so, yeah, that’s probably how he survived that.
He hums as he muses that his plan to ensure that they aren’t captured by the Leviathan this time around had worked too, now that he thinks about it.
He knew that sending an assassin droid loaded with baradium nitrate bombs with orders to detonate them in the reactor core of the Leviathan had been a good idea.
Shame that Malak hadn’t been onboard the ship when it blew though.
Oh well. At least, this way, Revan will be able to personally beat the ever living bantha shit out of Malak.
. . .
Getting to Malak is ridiculously easy.
Granted, they don’t have to worry about Bastila using her Battle Meditation against them so that definitely helps.
Malak isn’t surprised to see Revan.
He is, however, eyeing the metal rod that Revan is holding in his hand. He isn’t sure why he likes the idea of beating Malak’s face in with a metal rod but he does like the idea.
“At least, we meet again,” Malak says. “Revan...savior, villain, hero, conqueror. You are all of these things and yet you are nothing. You belong to neither the darkness nor the light. You will forever walk alone. You know I always regretted betraying you from afar…”
Revan chugs the metal rod at Malak while he is distracted by his monologue. It smacks him right in the face with enough force to throw him off his feet with a tirade of curses erupting from his lips.
“Seriously, do not monologue,” Revan says flatly. Malak always those this. Every. Single. Time. Revan confronts him, he goes on a fifteen minute long—and Revan is not exaggerating, though he is, in fact, exaggerating—monologue that Revan tunes out about halfway through.
Or he had done that in his second life.
In his third, he just destroyed all of those cells in which those dead Jedi that Malak is draining the life force of are stored while Malak was ranting.
He does the same in his other lives, until now where he had decided that he has had enough of listening, even with only half an ear, to the bastard’s monologue and decided to just nip that in the bud right away.
He also throws his lightsabers, sending them careening into those cages to allow the Jedi within them to become one with the Force.
Malak glares at him.
“You monologue again, you get another metal rod to the face,” Revan says firmly, using the Force to call another metal rod to his hand.
“Where are you even…? You know what, I don’t even want to know. Let’s just fight already,” Malak says as he scrambles to his feet.
Revan grins. “Best words you’ve said all day,” he says.
The fight really doesn’t take long, mostly because Revan already knows how Malak fights—and, in nine lifetimes, he hasn’t changed his strategy up once—and, within only a few minutes, he is already beating the ever living bantha shit out of Malak with his bare hands.
“I give! I give!”
Yup, that always happens too.
“I’m just gonna go ahead and say that you are an ass but you are still my best friend and I want you to go and haunt the ever living shit out of Vitiate,” Revan says. For some odd reason, the thought of sending Malak to haunt the ever living shit out of Vitiate is far too good an idea to pass up.
“I am quite all right with that,” Malak, no Alek, says with a bloody grin. “Though why forego the use of your lightsaber?”
“It’s far more satisfying to beat sense into your thick skull with my own two hands.”
“I suppose I can’t fault that. What will you do now?”
“Leave you with time to annoy the kriff outta Vitiate, go home, start a family, raise that family into a fine adult, and then go crash a fleet of Star Destroyers into Kaas City,” Revan says with a shrug.
Alek just starts laughing.
And Revan is glad that he can hear his best friend’s laughter before everything comes to an end.
. . .
Revan most certainly goes through with the plan that he had outlined to his best friend.
After he and the crew are hailed as heroes after the Star Forge’s destruction, he goes home to Coruscant, and marries Bastila. Who would have thought that she would still fall in love with him even though he is sure that he hadn’t exactly been sane the entire time they were working together? But it seems they are fated to be together because they always get married after the war. It always happens.
And Revan is more than glad that one thing can remain consistent in each of the lives that he has lived.
Even more so because, about nine months later, another very precious little light comes into Revan’s life.
Another consistent that Revan is beyond grateful to be present for in each of his lifetimes, with the exception of that first one.
He gently takes Vaner Shan’s newborn body into his arms and gazes lovingly at the child, unable to stop the flow of tears of sheer happiness and joy that fall down his cheeks.
It doesn’t matter how many times he’s relived his life. Every single time that he has been able to hold his precious son in his arms, he is always reduced to tears.
And he doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a damn if he cries every single time that he gets to hold his child in his arms.
If he is stuck in this predicament, where he has the choice to either relive his life or jump to other timelines and dimensions, then every single time that he choses to relive his life—or gets forced to relive his life when the Force decides to mess with him, which happened during his third and eighth lives—he is going to go out of his way to ensure that he gets to be there for his son.
He will never allow his first life to ever happen again.
If he must take care of Vitiate then he will after his son has already grown up and become the fine adult he knows he will be.
That is all there is to it.
Vaner’s eyes open and he gazes up at his crying father and gives out a little coo.
Revan all but melts into the nearest chair, that Mission—because, of course, the crew is there—quickly pulls up for him. He cradles his child to his chest, listening to the tiny baby coo and, even though Vaner isn’t Force sensitive, that doesn’t mean that Revan still can’t feel his little light in the Force.
“You are going to be a wonderful young man someday, my son,” he whispers to Vaner as he gently kisses his baby’s forehead. “I already know it.”
And he does.
Vaner Shan will be a great man, a politician who will, someday, be elected Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic and whom will take care of the Republic throughout both of his terms with the charisma of his father and the determination of his mother.
And Revan is going to be right there with him, raising him, supporting him, and watching him the entire time.
. . .
Revan listens to Vaner Shan’s inauguration speech and smiles at the thunderous applause that erupts from the rest of the Senate as they greet their new Supreme Chancellor whom had just won the Chancellorship through majority vote.
A good eighty percent of the entire Senate had voted Vaner Shan into office.
Revan can’t be prouder.
He turns to Bastila who is smiling with tears of happiness in her eyes.
“He is going to be a wonderful Chancellor. I am sure of it,” Bastila says as she raises a hand and gently wipes her tears away.
“I know that he will.” Revan smiles and, leaning forward, kisses Bastila before turning around.
“Where are you going?”
“Don’t tell Vaner but I’m going to be borrowing a fleet of Star Destroyers.” Revan leaves swiftly because he knows that Bastila is going to question why, and he really doesn’t want to have to explain himself, since he knows that she will try to talk him out of it.
But it’s time that he paid Sith Emperor Vitiate a visit.
. . .
It isn’t so much a visit as a comm call.
“Ah, Revan, I had thought you would be returning to speak with me. I was not expecting you to show up quite this late though,” Vitiate says as Revan leans back in his seat in the shuttle while he prepares to send the order to the reprogrammed droids that he has controlling each Star Destroyer in the fleet.
“Yeah, I really didn’t want to talk with you but I figure that I may as well deal with you now,” Revan says with a shrug.
“Do you really think that you can deal with me?”
“Oh I know I can,” says Revan with a shrug and gives the order to his droids. “Bye Vitiate.”
“What are you…?” Vitiate begins but breaks off as the entire fleet of Star Destroyers spear downward, crashing through the atmosphere and then slamming into Kaas City that lays below.
The massive explosion is so strong and large that Revan can see it from space.
Revan whistles. “Now that is an impressive explosion. Nice,” he says and, turning the shuttle around, inputs the coordinates for Coruscant and makes the jump to hyperspace.
Vitiate is taken care of again. It’s time that he returned to his family to spend to the rest of his tenth life with them.
. . .
Notes:
Yeah, no one really cares about Manaan.
And I just find the idea of crashing an entire fleet of Star Destroyers into Kaas City funny, though, knowing Vitiate, he'll pop up alive again in the future, which is gonna piss off a certain someone (who absolutely HATES when a Sith Lord who is killed doesn't stay dead) when the two Chosen Ones jump into the same time in the next chapter.
Well, I do hope that you enjoyed this chapter and reviews and kudos are much appreciated as usual.
Chapter 8: In Which the Chaotic Chosen Ones Crash the Cold War
Summary:
"Qui-Gon huffs. ‘Fine but you should probably find your fellow Chosen One. I do believe that he was thrown into this time as well, and I do not believe that he is happy,’ he says and his voice vanishes, leaving Anakin to ponder why his fellow Chosen One is not happy about being thrown into this time."
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Tython.
A nexus in the Force that is aligned primarily toward the Light Side, Tython is the current home of the Jedi Order after the Sacking of Coruscant that lead to the Treaty of Coruscant and is part of the reason why the Galaxy is caught in a Cold War.
That’s about all that Anakin Skywalker gets from the monologue that is erupting from the Force Ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn’s lips as he strides through the wilderness of Tython, casually throwing Flesh Raiders into trees whenever they get in his way.
‘Are you even listening to me?’ Qui-Gon demands.
“I tuned you out after about like five minutes,” Anakin says with a shrug, Force pushing another Flesh Raider into a tree and striding past his crumpled form.
‘Anakin, this is a different period of time. You must pay attention if you are to know…’
Anakin rolls his eyes. “You didn’t do a damn thing when I got sent back to the Jedi Civil War and now you wanna give me information? How does that make any sense?” he says and waves a dismissive hand, adding, “Just leave me be. I’ll be fine.”
Qui-Gon huffs. ‘Fine but you should probably find your fellow Chosen One. I do believe that he was thrown into this time as well, and I do not believe that he is happy,’ he says and his voice vanishes, leaving Anakin to ponder why his fellow Chosen One is not happy about being thrown into this time.
. . .
“Son of a kriffing hutt!” Revan exclaims among several other curses that are spewing from his lips as he struggles to get free of the quicksand pit that he had stumbled into on accident upon waking up on Tython’s surface.
Of all places for the Force to drop him when he decides to use his new ability to jump across timelines and dimensions, he hadn’t expected Tython.
He would have been fine with Tython, if the Force hadn’t decided to be a kriffing bastard and have him wake up next to a quicksand pit where he had been too disoriented to even register that he was in danger.
So, no, Revan, the Prodigal Knight and the Chosen One of the Old Republic, is not happy.
At all.
. . .
Meanwhile, Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One of the Golden Age of the Republic, studies the massive Jedi Temple that rises up on the ridge that stretches out on the other side of the valley he had stumbled upon.
There are so many Jedi training in the vast courtyard that lays in front of the Temple and Anakin hums as he leans against the tree. He reaches out with the Force, easily determining where his fellow Chosen One is located, and snickers upon hearing the tirade of curses that are now streaming through the Force.
If Revan wasn’t on another continent, I might have been able to help him. Oh well. May as well go and check out the Jedi Temple while I wait for him to catch up. Anakin jumps off the ledge, straight into the middle of a training session between several padawans and a couple of knights, and strides past them while they stare, too in shock to do anything beyond stare.
“I dunno. I think I might like this Temple better than the one back home,” Anakin muses as he walks.
“Erm, Mister? What are you doing here?” The girl standing next to the stairs leading into the Jedi Temple says, tilting her head to the side in puzzlement as Anakin comes to a stop beside her.
“Just exploring,” Anakin chirps, a grin crossing his lips.
Even though this is probably the first, and only, time that Anakin will speak with this girl, the girl still swallows nervously and bolts in the opposite direction.
Anakin shrugs and strides toward the entrance to the Temple.
“What are you doing here?” One of the guards says. “I don’t recognize you.”
“Well, I’m here to speak to whoever’s in charge or whatever,” Anakin says with a shrug. Who was in charge of the Order during the Cold War? Ah, I’ll find out soon enough.
The guards exchange glances, then warily eye Anakin, then finally nod. “Follow us and we’ll take you to the Jedi Council Chamber,” the first guard says.
“Sounds good,” Anakin says.
. . .
Revan stares at the male Nautolan with teal skin and fathomless black eyes, who is currently favoring his left leg, on which there is a smoking hole.
The Nautolan stares back at him.
“How in the blazes are you still alive?” the Nautolan demands.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” Revan retorts.
To think that he would stumble upon a young padawan in trouble from a Dark Jedi after he finally managed to drag his ass out of that quicksand pit and make his way to the continent on which is the Jedi Temple.
He hasn’t even reached the Jedi Temple yet. He keeps getting distracted.
And this wannabee Dark Jedi is his most recent distraction.
“What do you mean what’s the matter with me? You’re supposed to be dead! Everyone knows that Revan died three hundred years ago and yet you claimed to be him,” the Nautolan says.
“To be fair, you automatically assumed that was who I was because of the mask, and then started yelling that I shouldn’t even be alive, even though I haven’t even introduced myself yet,” Revan says with a shrug.
The padawan tilts her head to the side, reddish-orange eyes narrowed in thought. “He’s got you there,” she says.
“Shut up, Padawan. I wasn’t talking to you,” the Nautolan snaps.
The girl huffs. “Rude,” she says.
“Tell me about it,” Revan says and raises an eyebrow at the padawan. “So who are you? Who’s he? And why the heck is he attacking you when I’m pretty sure he’s a Jedi?”
“Pretty sure?”
“I’m about seventy percent sure that he’s a Jedi.”
“That’s an oddly specific number.”
Revan shrugs, not wanting to admit that he literally just made that number up on the fly.
The padawan shrugs. “I’m Ceres Kando. That guy over there is Bengal Morr. He was my master’s former padawan before he fell.”
“I did not fall!” Bengal Morr exclaims.
Ceres gives him a deadpan expression. “You’re trying to destroy the Jedi Order.”
“To rebuild it into a stronger fighting force so that the Sacking of Coruscant never happens again!”
“Oh is that it?” Revan scoffs. “Listen, kid, the Sacking of Coruscant took the Jedi by surprise. They weren’t prepared for it.”
“Well, they should have been. This isn’t over. I will destroy the Jedi Order.” Bengal Morr turns and limps off, only to run smack into the stone wall that is in front of him.
“Careful, there’s a stone wall there,” Revan deadpans.
Bengal lets loose a series of curses and storms off as best he can with his injured leg.
Ceres raises an eyebrow. “I think I’m going to like you,” she says.
Revan smirks. “Everyone does,” he says.
“So who are you really?”
“Truth be told, Bengal is actually right. But I really hadn’t been given the chance to introduce myself so it was rather rude of him to automatically assume without giving me that chance. It’s the principle of the matter.”
“I...suppose so…”
“Well, I’m off.” Revan strides off, leaving Ceres to watch him go in puzzlement.
. . .
Anakin doesn’t know why the Grand Master of the Jedi Order is staring at him with utter terror on her face.
In fact, she looks like she’s one breath away from having a heart attack, and Anakin is pretty sure that’s not a good thing.
“Um...is she going to be okay?” he asks, turning his gaze to the tall Togruta that had introduced herself as Jedi Master Bela Kiwiiks.
“I’m not sure,” Kiwiiks admits.
“Is she going to faint?” the red-haired girl that’s standing next to Kiwiiks, who had introduced herself as Kira Carson, asks.
“What are you doing here?!” the Grand Master exclaims, her blue-gray eyes wide. “No, that is not the right question. How are you here?”
“Do you know this man, Grand Master Shan?” The Jedi Master who had introduced himself as Syo Bakarn asks.
“Shan?” Anakin grins. “Hey, you must be Bastila and Revan’s descendant! And you became Grand Master like Bastila? That’s awesome!”
Shan groans and sinks into a chair, burying her face into her hands. “I grew up with horror stories about this man, Master Bakarn,” she says.
“Horror stories? Rude,” Anakin grumbles.
Shan lifts her head and glares at him. “So the stories of you blowing up Czerka Corporations’ base on Kashyyyk and igniting a slave rebellion on Tatooine aren’t true, Skywalker?” she demands.
Anakin opens his mouths, closes it, and hums. “Oh...so we’re in the future of that time. Yeah, guess you knowing about me does make a hell of a lot of sense now,” he comments, not once even bothering on answering Shan’s question.
“I feel that we should be worried,” says the Jedi Master who introduced himself as Jaric Kaedan.
“You should be utterly terrified of what this man is capable of,” Shan grumbles.
“I’d be offended, if she wasn’t right,” Anakin muses.
The door to the Jedi Council chamber slams open.
“What the kriffing hell is with all these damned Flesh Raiders on this kriffing planet? And what the hell is up with them being able to use the Force?!” A very familiar voice explodes behind Anakin.
Shan’s face goes even whiter. “No, no, no. Not him too!” She cries, terror flooding her Force presence.
Anakin grins upon seeing a very pissed off Revan storming forward. He isn’t wearing his mask so Anakin can see the absolute fury that glistens on his lightly tanned face and in his burning dark brown eyes. “Hi Revan,” he greets with a wave of his hand. “Nice of you to finally join the party.”
He ducks to avoid the chair Revan throws at his head. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why are you throwing shit at me?!” he exclaims.
“Because I can’t throw shit at those kriffing Force-using Flesh Raiders ‘cause it’s apparently frowned upon by the Jedi Order to throw burning debris at sentient beings,” Revan growls as he crosses his arms across his chest.
“Who are you?” Kaedan demands.
Revan gives them a long look. “Let me guess...Jedi Council of this time?” he says.
“Jedi Council of this time,” Anakin confirms.
“Just as stuffy and annoying as mine?”
“Don’t know yet. Your descendant is the Grand Master.”
“Hoh?” Revan raises an eyebrow and turns to Shan. “And I’m assuming that’s you?”
Shan just thuds her head against the armrest of her chair. “Why?” she groans. “What did I do to deserve having to deal with Anakin Kriffing Skywalker and my insane ancestor?!”
“I’d take offense to being called insane, if it wasn’t true,” Revan muses. “By the way, one of your fellow Masters got captured by that stupid wannabee Dark Jedi Bengal Morr. Padawan Kando is heading to the Forge now to find him.”
“And you’re telling us this why?”
“Figured you’d want to know.”
“Bengal Morr...Why does that name sound familiar?” Anakin says because he feels that he’s heard that name at least once since he arrived on Tython.
“Nautolan...light teal skin...clamoring on about wanting to destroy the Jedi Order?”
“Oh...him…” Anakin grimaces. “I may or may not have tried to stab him when I first arrived on this planet.”
“May or may not?” Revan raises an eyebrow. “I specifically remember seeing Bengal Morr with a lightsaber wound in his leg when I ran into him and that Padawan earlier?”
“So it’s more in the may category than the may not.”
Revan’s second eyebrow rises to join the first. “You really are insane,” he deadpans.
Anakin shrugs, a crooked smirk crossing his lips. “I’ve been in this business of dimension and time jumping for a hell of a lot longer than you. I’m not so much insane as...well, okay, yeah, I am insane. Kinda hard not to be with all of the shit that I’ve had to deal with since I ended up in this predicament.”
Revan hums, then shrugs. “Guess you get to show me the ropes, like you wanted to, about this whole time and dimension jumping thing ‘cause this is the first time that I’ve done it. Wasn’t quite expecting to end up during the Cold War though,” he says.
“Be glad that you haven’t jumped into the Yuuzhan Vong era or, worse, Abeloth.” Anakin shudders violently.
“Who’s…?” Revan begins.
“We don’t talk about her!”
“...Okay…”
Shan’s head thuds against her armrest again. “We’re getting those two off Tython as soon as we are able,” she says firmly.
“I’m sure that they aren’t that bad, Master Shan,” Bakarn says with a smile.
Shan gives Anakin and Revan annoyed glances. “I don’t want to risk them burning all of Tython to the ground,” she snaps. “We’re getting them off Tython as soon as we possibly can.”
. . .
Revan has the odd feeling that Master Orgus Din is less than pleased with the arrangement that Shan had insisted upon.
That is to say that Revan and Anakin are now joining Din and his former padawan Ceres to track down darkness on Coruscant.
They are on the shuttle heading for Coruscant. Anakin had literally kicked the pilot out of the cockpit and is currently flying them to the planet.
He seems to get a kick out of doing various aerial maneuvers that leaves Ceres impressed and Din looking positively ill.
That’s probably why he’s less than pleased with the arrangement that Shan had insisted upon.
Revan never did get her first name. Oh well. Maybe next time.
“Would someone please tell Skywalker to stop flying in circles like that?” Orgus groans, squeezing his eyes shut and tightening his grip upon the armrest of the shuttle’s chair, his face incredibly pale and Revan is sure that he is using every ounce of his Jedi Training to stop himself from getting sick.
“Nah,” Revan says with a shrug. “I’m rather enjoying it.”
“It is really fun,” Ceres agrees.
Orgus just groans. “I hate flying,” he groans.
. . .
“Ah, Coruscant, the big city-planet where it’s incredibly easy to get lost on its surface,” Ceres Kando comments as she makes her way away from the ship and through the spaceport. Orgus had vanished almost as soon as they landed, insisting that Ceres handle the paying of fees and all of that. That just means that Ceres is going to be behind the Jedi Master even though they could have left together.
“I don’t think it’s that easy to get lost on this planet,” Revan says as he shrugs, trailing after Ceres with T7 rolling behind them. “We’re pretty close to the Senate Building too so it should be easy to find Orgus or whatever.”
Ceres hums and turns, raising an eyebrow at Revan. “Where’s Anakin?”
Revan blinks, glances at his side.
Sure enough, Anakin is gone.
He rolls his eyes and reaches out with the Force. Any particular reason you left without telling me? He sends through the Force, knowing full well Anakin can hear him.
‘I got bored,’ Anakin sends back.
What, exactly, are you doing?
He doesn’t get a response. He rolls his eyes but leaves Anakin to cause chaos. It’s always amusing the kind of chaos Anakin can cause when he’s left to his own devices.
“Should I be worried?” asks Ceres.
“Nah. It’s fine. If you see anything blowing up in the distance, don’t worry about it.”
“You mean that?” Ceres points to where a massive plume of smoke is rising into the sky from down below.
“Yup. Don’t worry about it.”
“...I feel I should worry about it. I feel I should worry a lot.” Ceres shakes her head and makes her way toward the Senate Tower at a steady jog and Revan calmly walks after her, scanning the area before deciding he’s bored as well.
He jogs to the edge of the Senate platform. “Laters. Don’t die of boredom, Ceres,” he calls and promptly jumps off the platform, ignoring the startled yells above him. He lands lightly on top of the speeder and waves a hand, using the Force to influence the driver to guide him to the Jedi Temple. May as well see what happened to the Temple in this day and age.
Yeah, the Jedi Temple at this point in time is a dump. But, given the Sacking of Coruscant, it doesn’t surprise him at all. He’s just going to blame Vitiate for this. He isn’t even sure if Vitiate exists in this time but he’s still being blamed for what happened to the Jedi Temple and for pretty much every single bad thing that’s happened ever.
Since he is in the future of that timeline, he wonders if Alek is still annoying the hell out of Vitiate.
‘I am! It’s fun!’
Revan stops and smirks. “Well, hello to you, Alek,” he says.
‘Yo. Welcome back to the timeline in which you and Skywalker fucked shit up and I got to annoy the kriffing hell out of Vitiate for about three hundred years now,’ Alek says.
“Has he gone insane yet?” Revan asks.
‘Was he ever sane to begin with?’
“True. Has he tried to kill you yet?”
‘Like twenty five times within the first year and probably over a hundred thousand times in the past three centuries. He keeps forgetting he can’t kill me ‘cause I’m already dead. What a loser.’
Revan snorts and folds his arms across his chest. “What a moron is more like it,” he deadpans. “Is he the one responsible for all of the shit that’s been going on?”
‘Yup.’
“And he’s still alive?”
‘Yup. You totally should have crashed a fleet of Star Destroyers into Kaas City.’
“I actually did that in one of my jumps. But blowing up all of Kaas City in this timeline’s past was pretty fun. Shame he survived it. Anakin won’t be happy about that.”
‘Wait, wait, wait…Skywalker is with you?!’
“Yup. And he absolutely hates it when Sith who are killed don’t stay dead. He’s going to be soooo pissed.”
‘...Is it wrong that I don’t feel a single ounce of remorse for what’s about to happen to Vitiate?’
“If it is then I don’t wanna be right.”
‘Agreed. Well, I’m off to go bother Vitiate some more.’
“Have fun.”
Revan happily strides away, slipping into the Jedi Temple and starting to explore the place and knock out anyone he finds within the Temple with Force pushes as he does so.
. . .
As it turns out, Tarnis is a Sith Lord. Apparently, he’s the son of the Sith Lord Darth Angral.
Anakin really doesn’t care as he beats the ever living bantha shit out of the bastard who faked his own kidnapping in order to get his hands on a super-weapon known as the Planet Prison. He hadn’t even known about that until he literally stumbled upon Tarnis trying to run off with the schematics for the Planet Prison and just started beating the ever living bantha shit out of him.
“How are you a Jedi?” Tarnis exclaims.
Anakin shrugs. “Am I a Jedi? Well, I certainly ain’t a Sith. Kriff them Sith!” He slams his lightsaber hilt straight into the face of Tarnis, knocking his ass out and then happily takes the schematics back and glances at the Black Sun members who had arrived.
He studies them.
They glare at him.
He unleashes a Force wave that throws every single Black Sun member off the platform they had been standing on, completely ignoring the shrieks of terror that erupt from all of them.
‘Anakin…’ Qui-Gon says with a sigh of annoyance.
“What? They were gonna try and kill me. I just stopped ‘em before they could,” Anakin says with a shrug as he tucks the datacard with the information away and strides off.
‘But did you have to push them off the platform like that? We are a good distance away from the planet’s surface.’
“They. Would. Have. Tried. To. Kill. Me,” Anakin says, enunciating every single word.
Qui-Gon just sighs and goes quiet.
Anakin really doesn’t care. It’s not as if Qui-Gon has been helpful at all since he got stuck in time or whatever.
Hmm, he wonders what Revan is doing.
A boom echoes and Anakin turns in time to see the entire ruins of the Jedi Temple collapse in on itself.
“Something tells me that was Revan,” he muses but shrugs. It’s not like there was much left of the Temple anyway. Guess someone had to have rebuilt it at some point, since it’s still standing in his original time. This will let them have a fresh new foundation to start with.
. . .
“So you encountered Sith in the Jedi Temple.”
“Yup.”
“And they attacked you even though you insist you didn’t provoke them.”
“Yup.”
“So you blew up the Jedi Temple to stop ‘em?”
“Yup.”
Orgus Din thuds his head against the table in front of him.
Ceres pats her former master’s back sympathetically.
Anakin is just laughing hysterically in the background.
. . .
“Ord Mantell. I hate this planet,” Anakin grumbles, glaring at the planet. “A wretched hive of scum and villainy.”
Revan snorts, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the ship since Ceres told them both to stay with the ship while she and T7 went into the city to find the SIS Agent they were supposed to talk to.
“I’d say I agree. I don’t like this planet,” Kira says. She had been tasked with coming along on the mission with Ceres though Anakin honestly had not been paying attention to the briefing after Revan told everyone about why he blew up the Jedi Temple.
So, yeah, he has no idea why he’s on Ord Mantell.
“I’m bored,” he complains.
“Same,” Revan says with a nod.
They both look up when they feel a surge of the dark side of the Force and watch as a Sith strides toward them. Kira reaches for her lightsaber but stops because Anakin and Revan exchange grins.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Anakin asks.
“I’m pretty sure I am,” Revan says.
The two don’t even bother on igniting their lightsabers. They just lunge at the Sith and start beating the ever living bantha shit out of him for no other reason then they are bored out of their skulls and need to get their annoyance out on someone.
Kira just watches and sighs. “I’m starting to see why Master Shan is so terrified of them,” she mutters.
. . .
Taris is the next planet they are supposed to visit. While Revan is glad Ceres managed to get the information she needed on Ord Mantell quickly, he is sure Taris is going to be a lot harder to accomplish because, well, it lay in absolute ruin.
“What in the world happened to this planet?” Kira asks in puzzlement. “I mean I’ve heard the stories but…”
“Malak thought destroying an entire planet would be enough to kill me. Turns out he was wrong,” says Revan with a shrug as he steps away from the spaceport.
“I feel sorry for the planet,” Anakin admits.
“All right, we should head out,” Ceres says. “We need to find Doctor Nasan Godera as quickly as possible.”
“Who?”
“Who?”
Revan and Anakin ask at the exact same time.
Ceres gives them all looks of disbelief. “You were right there when Var Suthra gave us the briefing,” she deadpans.
“In my defense, I was too busy attempting to reprogram T7 that I didn’t really pay attention,” Revan says with a shrug.
“In my defense, I just wasn’t paying attention at all,” Anakin says with a shrug.
T7 beeps, ‘Friend + Meatbags = Find Doctor.’
“Did T7 just call one of us a meatbag?” Ceres echoes.
‘Revan = Friend. Everyone else = Meatbags,” T7 beeps and whistles.
“Okay, so T7 just called all of us but Revan meatbags,” Ceres deadpans.
“I thought we were cool, Revan,” Anakin whines.
Revan blinks at him. “Oh, right.” He moves over, kneels down by T7, and promptly works with his programming until he is reprogrammed again.
‘Revan and Anakin = Friend. Everyone else = meatbags,’ T7 beeps and whistles.
“Much better,” Anakin says.
“I’m insulted,” Kira mutters.
“Honestly, so am I,” Ceres mutters.
. . .
Anakin is bored within fifteen minutes of leaving the spaceport so he wanders away. Somehow, someway, he finds the ruins of the Endar Spire and decides to start exploring it for no other reason than he can.
‘Yo.’
Anakin nearly jumps out of his skin. “What the kriff?” he exclaims as he whirls around at the sound of an unfamiliar, yet slightly familiar, voice.
‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I’m Alek. You probably already know about me…’
“Yeah, you’re the sorry-ass excuse for a Sith Lord that Revan beat the every living bantha shit out of onboard the Star Forge. Why are you still around?”
‘Well, I was bored and wanted to get some new ideas but I now realize I probably made a mistake coming to you.’
“...Why? And why do you need new ideas?”
‘Well, I kinda got bored with singing the Gizka Song on repeat for the past three hundred years so I thought I’d try something different but then I remembered that if I ask you for your help then I’d probably have to tell you who I am annoying and…’
Anakin narrows his eyes. “Alek...who are you annoying constantly?” he demands.
‘Um, well…’
“Alek, I will find a way to make your afterlife a living hell if you don’t tell me what you are talking about right now.”
‘...Sad thing is, I know you will find a way to do just that. Um, well...Vitiate...is...still alive.’
“Wait, you mean to tell me the Sith Emperor whom Revan blew up an entire city to kill is still alive?”
‘Yup. And has been for the past three centuries since that day.”
“…”
‘Um, Skywalker?’
“SON OF A KRIFFING HUTT!” Anakin shrieks in absolute rage.
. . .
All the way on Dromuund Kaas, Sith Emperor Vitiate suddenly feels an ice cold chill rush down his spine.
For the first time in a very long time, he finds himself fearing for his life.
. . .
Revan looks up from where he currently has Watcher One suspended by his ankles several meters above the ground and tilts his head at the explosion of absolute rage that erupts through the Force.
“Um, what was that?” Kira asks.
Revan hums. “It was from Anakin. There is only one reason why Anakin would be exploding with rage right now. Alek must have told him that the Sith Emperor is still alive even though I blew up an entire city to try to kill him three centuries ago,” he says.
Seeing the look Kira and Ceres are both giving him, he adds, “Yeah, Anakin absolutely hates it when a Sith Lord who is killed doesn’t stay dead. I’d feel sorry for the Sith Emperor but I really don’t care enough about what happens to him to lie to myself like that.”
“Um…” Ceres and Kira exchange glances.
“Go and stop that Sith Assassin. I got Watcher One and Doctor Godera.” He walks past Watcher One and promptly frees Doctor Godera who just stares at the hovering Watcher One.
“Um, what are you going to do with him?” he asks.
Revan shrugs and strides out of the base, moving over to the nearest toxic lake and promptly drops him into it.
Doctor Godera, who followed him, stares aghast. “How are you a Jedi again?” he asks.
Revan gives him a bewildered look. “When the kriff did I give you the impression I was a Jedi?” he says.
. . .
“Ah, Nar Shaddaa. I hate this planet,” Anakin grumbles.
“Any particular reason why you hate this planet?” Ceres asks.
“One word: Kriffing Hutts.”
“That’s two words,” Kira says.
“Whatever. I can’t stand hutts. Hmm.” Anakin grins.
“Um, where is he going?” Ceres asks.
“Something tells me he’s about to cause massive amounts of damage. We should get through finding Agent Galen and this whole Power Guard thingie preferably before Anakin starts blowing things up in the areas we need to go,” Revan says.
“Yeah, I don’t want to be in the area when things start blowing up,” Kira says.
“Neither do I,” Ceres agrees.
T7 beeps, ‘T7 + Explosions = Do Not Mix.’
“I don’t think any of us mix well with explosions,” Revan deadpans.
Anakin just snickers and walks off.
. . .
“So you’re a Child of the Emperor.”
“Yes.”
“And those are people who are brought before the Emperor but have no memory of that meeting.”
“Yes.”
“And you ran away when you found out you were going through the same thing.”
“Yes.”
“And this is all the Sith Emperor Vitiate’s fault?”
“If that is the name of the Emperor, yes.”
“So he really is alive like Alek said?”
“Yes.”
“Son of a kriffing hutt!” Anakin storms off, snarling out a long line of curses. The Jedi Council watch him go in bewilderment. They had been giving their report to after stopping the Power Guard incident on Nar Shaddaa – and somehow managing to make it off planet before Anakin destroyed the entire planet’s surface – and returning to Tython. That doesn’t mean they didn’t nearly get blown up because they did and Revan is really annoyed by that fact. Anakin can sense it even as he continues his tirade of curses.
“He really hates it when a Sith Lord who is killed doesn’t stay dead,” Revan admits.
“You are absolutely insane,” Master Shan says with a groan as she thuds her head on the table. “Get off Tython again.”
“Kira, you may stay with Ceres for the time being while you search for Master Kiwiiks and Master Din,” Bakarn says. “Kiwiiks was last seen on Tatooine and Din was last seen on Alderaan.”
“We’re going to Tatooine first since Anakin isn’t here to protest,” says Revan with a vindictive little smile on his lips.
“Oh kriff no! We are not going to that kriffing dustball first!” Anakin exclaims, whirling around and glaring at Revan who just grins at him.
“Hey, look at it this way, you can just ignite another slave rebellion on Tatooine again,” he says.
“Do not ignite another slave rebellion on Tatooine,” Shan exclaims.
“You know, that’s not such a bad idea. Think I’m gonna blow up the Hutt’s palaces again too.”
“Do not blow up the Hutt’s palaces,” Shan exclaims.
She is ignored as Anakin continues to hum as he comes up with various things to do while on Tatooine.
He is positive he hears Shan’s head collide with the table multiple times but ignores it.
. . .
“So we have to find a weapon that can potentially cause the planetary core to explode, save Master Kiwiiks, blow up any Sith that gets in our way, and go home?” Revan asks.
“Well, aside from the blowing up any Sith that gets in our way, yeah,” Ceres says.
“Aww, that’s the funnest part.”
“...Anyway, we should get to the Republic facility and see what we can find out...wait, where’s Anakin?”
A boom sounds in the distance and smoke rises up into the air.
“...I didn’t even see him leave,” Kira says faintly.
“Neither did I,” Ceres admits.
“Anakin’s gotten good. I think it comes with the territory,” Revan admits in amusement.
“But what did he blow up?” Ceres asks.
“I think that was a hutt’s palace. Not sure exactly but it probably was. Don’t be surprised if we come back and see a slave rebellion in full swing.”
“…”
Ceres and Kira both decide they aren’t going to respond to that as they quickly lead the way toward the Republic facility to try to find any clues as to where Master Kiwiiks is.
. . .
“This is the Shock Drum?” Anakin says, peering at the massive weapon he found after taking down a Sand Demon – well, taming the Sand Demon and promptly naming itVer’alor. He would have named it Verd but there’s already a krayt dragon named that, according to Revan anyway, so Ver’alor it is – and turning to Kiwiiks. “Oh, hi Master Kiwiiks.”
“Hello Skywalker. Any chance you can get me off this thing?” Kiwiiks says with a faint amusement.
“Sure. Hey Ver’alor. Make sure no one disturbs me unless it’s Revan and whoever’s with him.”
The Sand Demon nods and scurries forward while Anakin gets to work getting Kiwiiks free from the Shock Drum weapon.
“Um Anakin, why is that Sand Demon not attacking us?” Revan asks as he, Ceres, Kira, and T7 make their way into the cavern.
“Oh, I tamed Ver’alor,” says Anakin with a grin.
“...You really named the Sand Demon?” Kira deadpans.
“And isn’t that a Mando’a word?” asks Ceres with a raised eyebrow.
“Yup. It means lieutenant. I was gonna name it Verd but we already have a Krayt Dragon named Verd, Revan named him during one of his jumps, so I didn’t wanna steal Verd’s name.”
“Don’t think Verd’s around in this time since this is the future of the timeline where we teamed up and not one of the times I went back to change my own timeline,” Revan muses.
“You know everything you just said doesn’t make a lick of sense, right?” Kira deadpans.
“We get that a lot,” Anakin says.
. . .
“So we’ve gotta be careful about a super-weapon called the Death Mark while we’re looking for Master Orgus on this planet?” Ceres asks, tilting her head to the side as Var Suthra and Godera finish giving her and Kira the briefing.
“Yes. By the way, where are your two companions?” Var Suthra says.
Ceres blinks and gazes around, rubbing her temples upon seeing that Anakin and Revan are nowhere in sight. “Kira?” she asks.
“They left about five minutes after General Var Suthra started talking,” says Kira.
“And you didn’t stop them?”
Kira gives her a long look.
Ceres realizes that is a stupid question. Trying to stop either Anakin or Revan is like trying to stop a hurricane. She sighs and rubs her temples. “I really really hope they don’t blow up Aldera,” she mutters.
“I’m more concerned with the cruiser that just went up in flames,” says Kira, pointing out the window and Ceres jogs to the young woman’s side and peers through the window, staring at the cruiser that is currently tearing itself to pieces and raining burning debris toward the planet that lay down below.
“Um, did a cruiser just blow up?” Godera asks.
“Better question is, who blew it up?” Ceres deadpans.
“Pretty sure the answer to that question is obvious,” Kira muses.
“Okay. Let me rephrase that. Which one blew up that cruiser?”
“My credits are on Anakin.”
T7 beeps and whistles, ‘T7 = It’s Revan this time.’
“I’m more concerned by the fact that one of them blew up a random cruiser,” Var Suthra says in annoyance as Ceres, T7, and Kira reenter the communication hub
Ceres shrugs, folding her arms across her chest and leaning against the console. “I’m not at all surprised. Those two like blowing things up, Anakin more so than Revan. Revan likes reprogramming droids,” she says.
‘T7 = Bored With This Meatbag’s Talking,’ T7 beeps and whistles.
Ceres’s eye twitches. “Like that,” she says, giving T7 a glare to which T7 releases an unrepentant whistle.
. . .
“Soooooo, now what?” Revan says, peering at the remnants of Darth Angral’s star cruiser that is burning up in the atmosphere of Alderaan, with Angral’s remains upon it.
“I dunno. Guess we go to the coordinates we stole from Angral’s ship and destroy the weapon,” says Anakin with a shrug as he tosses the datacard up and down in his hand.
“If you lose that, I’m throwing you into Nal Hutta’s swamps,” Revan growls.
Anakin catches the datacard and quickly tucks it away. “Duly noted,” he says. He does not want to go swimming in Nal Hutta’s swamps again. Yes, he has gone swimming in Nal Hutta’s swamps before, several jumps ago, and he really doesn’t want to repeat that.
“Let’s go destroy us a weapon,” he says cheerfully.
Revan rolls his eyes but amusement drifts off him in the Force.
Master Orgus Din, who is currently sitting in the chairs behind the two insane Jedi, just stares at them with uncertainty on his face.
. . .
“So you sneaked onboard the Cruiser, rescued Master Din, killed Darth Angral, stole the schematics to the Desolator, and blew up Darth Angral’s cruiser? All in the span of the ten minutes Var Suthra was giving Knight Ceres her briefing?” Master Bakarn says when Din insist they contact the Jedi Council to give them an update on what just happened.
“Yup.” Anakin pops the ‘p’ with a grin on his face.
“And now you are on your way to destroy the Desolator all by yourself?” Kiwiiks, who had returned to Tython, asks.
“Well, Din’s with us,” Revan says with a shrug.
“So three of you are planning on destroying the Desolator weapon by yourselves?” Bakarn asks.
“They’ll be able to do it,” Shan mutters, rubbing her temples. “Kriffing Skywalker absolutely lives for destroying things and Revan is, well, Revan.”
Revan tilts his head to the side. “I get that a lot,” he muses.
“Just don’t come back to Tython. Whatever you do, do. Not. Come. Back. To. Tython,” Shan growls.
“Roger that, kid!” Revan says with a mock salute.
“I am not a kid.”
“I’m your ancestor by over three hundred years. I can call you kid anytime I want.”
Shan’s head collides with the console hard enough to shake the holoprojector on their end.
. . .
“You know that was kinda anticlimactic,” Ceres says, watching as the Desolator, or what’s left of it, falls and burns up in the atmosphere of whatever planet they are currently above.
“We didn’t even do anything,” Kira says. “Well, except for me getting possessed but I think the Emperor realized we weren’t on the Desolator and it was already destroyed and he left.”
“No, I’m pretty sure that’s the real reason why he fled,” Ceres says, pointing over her shoulder where Anakin, who had rejoined them onboard their ship with Revan, is practically burning with absolutely rage and Force energy whipping around him like a maelstrom. It’s really a wonder the ship itself isn’t being torn apart.
“Pretty sure the Emperor did not want to face that right now,” Revan muses.
“Right now? Pretty sure even the Emperor won’t want to face that any time soon,” says Kira. “It’s not even directed at me and I’m terrified.”
“Like I said, Anakin really hates it when Sith Lords who are killed don’t stay dead.”
“I’ll say,” Ceres mutters.
. . .
“Ahhh, Balmorra. I hate this planet,” Anakin mutters.
“Is there any planet you’ve visited recently that you actually like?” Ceres asks in puzzlement.
“Alderaan. It’s a nice planet that I’m glad I get to visit before the Death Star turns it to kriffing stardust. Kriffing Tarkin,” Anakin growls.
“Death Star?” Ceres echoes.
“Stardust?” Kira echoes.
“Who’s Tarkin?” Revan echoes.
“Yes, yes, and a right bastard that I’m totally dropping in a pool of magma the first chance I get the next time I relive my life,” Anakin says.
Revan just tilts his head to the side but shrugs, deciding not to worry about it.
Ceres and Kira just stare.
“Um, what exactly did you mean by the whole reliving your life thing?” Kira asks finally.
“I’m stuck in time itself so I don’t exactly exist in any set timeline because the Force likes messing with me so I can relive my life often and I can jump to different timelines and dimensions at will,” says Anakin.
“Though you don’t know when or where you will end up when you do jump into a different dimension or timeline, like that time with Abeloth…” Revan begins.
“WE DON’T TALK ABOUT HER!”
“Uhh…” Kira and Ceres look at each other again.
“See? No one ever believes me when I try to explain myself,” Anakin whines.
Revan pats him on the shoulder. “Good to know what to expect if I ever try to explain myself,” he muses.
“So wait, what are we doing on Balmorra again?” Anakin asks.
Revan shrugs. “Last I heard, we’re finding a cloaking device, blowing up an arms factory, and going home,” he says.
“We are not blowing up the Balmorran Arms Factory!” Ceres exclaims.
. . .
Much to Ceres’s chagrin, they do, indeed, blow up the Balmorran Arms Factory.
. . .
Quesh.
“I hate…” Anakin begins.
“We know,” Revan deadpans.
“So we have to defend this base from Imperials and someone called the Emperor’s Wrath?” asks Ceres, glancing at Sajar who nods slowly.
“Wait...Emperor’s Wrath...Son of a kriffing hutt!” Revan snarls and whirls around, eyes flashing with rage just as a tall pure-blooded Sith strides into the room.
The pure-blooded Sith takes one look at Revan. “Seriously?” he deadpans. “What the kriff are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? What the kriff are you doing here?! You got me close enough to the city to blow it up but then you kriffing murdered Meetra!”
Anakin tilts his head but he only barely remembers that. He had been yanked from that particular timeline before Revan blew up Kaas City.
Scourge shrugs, which only succeeds in pissing Revan off even more. “I had to do something to keep my ass alive and in the Emperor’s favor when I felt that he survived you blowing up the city. No idea what the kriff happened to you and then you suddenly show up here.”
“What did happen to you in this timeline?” Anakin asks.
Revan shrugs. “My memories of this timeline are fuzzy ‘cause I’m pretty sure I accidentally got caught in that explosion that destroyed Kaas City,” he admits. “So, yeah, I don’t remember it all that well. I just know it’s not this timeline where I was thrown into time itself after I died. That was the what I refer to as the original timeline, the one were I lived my first life without any interference from time and dimension hopping Force users.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Am I the only one who doesn’t understand a single thing that was just said?” Kira asks.
“I don’t either,” Doc, who had just joined the party after the Balmorra Incident, says.
“Neither do I,” Ceres deadpans.
Revan shrugs then cracks his knuckles and grins sharply at Scourge. “Anakin. Scourge is mine,” he says.
“By all means,”Anakin says with a shrug.
Scourge suddenly looks in fear of his life. “Perhaps we should...talk another time.” He bolts.
“GET BACK YOU, YOU SON OF A KRIFFING HUTT! I’M GOING TO BASH YOUR FACE IN WITH A METAL KRIFFING BAR!” Revan shrieks as he chases after Scourge.
. . .
Scourge manages to escape, much to Revan’s annoyance.
. . .
“Hoth...I hate…”
“WE KNOW!” The entire crew exclaims.
Anakin huffs and pouts, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s too cold here,” he whines. “I’m staying on the ship.” He turns and strides back onto the ship.
“Honestly, so am I. Have fun storming the Starship Graveyard!” Revan waves a hand and follows Anakin back into the ship, leaving Ceres, Kira, Doc, and T7 to traverse the snow-covered ice world of Hoth without their interference.
. . .
“YOU!”
Sith Emperor Vitiate stares at the young vergence in the Force that is Anakin Skywalker who is practically radiating with Force energy.
Something tells Vitiate he won’t be able to dominate Anakin Skywalker’s mind, or even kill him.
That familiar cold chill rushes down his spine as he finds himself fearing for his life.
“Perhaps we can talk about this…” he suggests.
Anakin holds out a hand and various metal bars suddenly float into the air – where the kriffing hell did those metal bars even come from? Vitiate doesn’t know – and they shoot toward him like blaster bolts.
“Kriff!” Vitiate has the quickly throw himself off his throne to avoid the metal bars. He doesn’t avoid all of them. He winces when the metal bars slam his face, his stomach, his legs, his face again, his arms, his face a third time, his knee, his face a fourth time, his head, his face a fifth time, his other knee, and his face a sixth time.
“Something tells me we should not get in the middle of that,” Ceres murmurs.
“I am in agreement,” Scourge, who somehow managed to avoid getting murdered by Revan when he joined up with them, mutters even as he cradles his broken arm close to him. He is also covered nearly from head to toe in bacta patches and he is favoring his left leg.
Revan simply strides forward. “Yo, Anakin! Don’t have all the fun!” he yells.
Vitiate stares because he is feeling the same sensation around Revan – and he thought for sure that bastard died when he blew up Kaas City over three hundred years ago – that he feels around Anakin kriffing Skywalker.
Something tells him he won’t be able to dominate Revan’s mind, or kill him, either.
That familiar cold chill rushing down his spine is suddenly twice as strong as he finds himself doubly fearing for his life.
Revan grins at him.
Vitiate does what any sane person would do.
He books it.
. . .
Let it be known that Sith Emperor Vitiate does not make it very far before kriffing Revan and Anakin kriffing Skywalker catch up with him.
The details of that encounter will not be brought to light.
Suffice to say, Vitiate won’t be a problem anymore.
Poor Kaas City does not survive this encounter though.
. . .
“YOU JUST DESTROYED AN ENTIRE CITY!”
“Wouldn’t be the first time. Probably won’t be the last.” Revan doesn’t sound the least bit repentant while Anakin simply shrugs.
Ceres starts banging her head against the bulkhead of the ship.
Kira just watches them. “Um, does that mean there’s nothing left for us to do?” she asks.
Revan and Anakin simply shrug in unison and stride off, leaving the ship that is docked on Tython’s surface.
“Um, where are you going?” Doc asks.
“To go get caf or commit a felony. We’ll decide in the speeder,” Revan and Anakin say in unison as they leave.
Ceres bangs her head against the bulkhead again.
“Yeah, Grand Master Shan was right,” Kira muses. “Those two really are insane.”
. . .
Notes:
I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!
This was like the hardest chapter for me to write only because I was trying to follow the game but then I realized: why am I following the game when Revan and Anakin are just gonna wreck the entire storyline anyway?
Once I came to that conclusion, finishing this chapter was a breeze.
Also, Ceres Kando is actually the name of my very first character when I started playing The Old Republic.
I hope you guys enjoy it. It's not my finest work but, once again, I am not as familiar with The Old Republic video game as I am with the other eras.
Next chapter. Who wants to see two Anakins running around? I know I do.
Poor Obi-Wan. I am going to put that poor young man, and the entire Jedi Council, through hell in the next chapter.
Reviews and kudos, as usual, are much appreciated.