I never expected that out of the BTR boys that James would be the one to ask me out. I thought it would be Kendall—he was such a lovable oaf like that, but I didn't like him like I did James. James, though a bit conceited, was self-effacing, compassionate and more than a little fun. While I had my doubts at first, his begging and pleading for me to give him a try actually paid off in the end.
It would be our third date, and I was feeling optimistic. James said that he had something planned, and that how I ended up in James' apartment, sitting on the couch and waiting for him to finish combing his hair. Not that I minded though—girls love a guy who cares about his appearance. Or at least I did.
I was flipping aimlessly through the television channels—nothing good, by the way—when he snuck up on me.
"Hey Jo." He said softly. I nearly launched out of my skin. I felt the ponytail I pulled my hair into, loosen and a few stray strands brushed my back. I would have to redo it now. James would freak out if he saw my hair all messy.
I turned to see Kendall. "Hey." I wanted to be mad, but bit my tongue. He had no intention of startling me. Maybe I was just jumpy.
"What's up?" He asked. I never saw him so nervous before. He always had this strong, calm and confident exterior but all that was gone then. I frowned and watched him move to the couch next to me. "What are you doing here?"
I almost opened my mouth to tell him that I had a date with James, but paused mid-speech. James and I agreed to keep our relationship under wraps, at least at first. He always immediately told the guys about his latest girlfriend, but the relationships never worked out. Carlos put the idea in his head that he was jinxing his relationships, and I just went along with it. In other words, I was just humoring him, but it just seemed wrong to spill the beans without James with me anyhow.
"Watching tv." I smirked.
Kendall nodded, looking more than confused. I nearly laughed at his expression.
"What?" He said, possibly noticing that I was now smirking against my will.
"Nothing…nothing." I said, an embarrassed blush burning my face.
Kendall watched me a moment. "Can I ask you something, Jo?"
His voice was so unsure, it made me hesitate, but I said, "Sure."
"Have you ever questioned your—" He trailed off hesitantly. "You know what, never mind."
"No, no…ask me." I told him. It seemed important.
"Have you ever questioned your… career?"
I paused. "Actually I haven't. I've always been pretty confident with my acting. It's a very steady job. Why? What's wrong, Kendall?"
"Uh…nothing, I was just wondering." He said, reaching across the table to the bowl of pretzels sitting there. He started munching at them, nervously. Crumbs were sticking to his upper lip, but I said nothing. "Now, why are you really here, Jo?"
"I said, I was watching tv." I said.
"I'm smarter than that." He said smoothly, his confidence leaking out. It seemed somewhat strained though. Weird. "And don't lie."
"I didn't lie."
"No, but you omitted."
"Okay, I'm waiting for James." I told him in a rush. "Don't tell him that I told you, but we're going on a date." He ate another handful of pretzels, the crumbs coating his upper lip. Finally I said, "You're covered in pretzel."
I leaned forward, grabbing a tissue from my pocket. I had it from earlier when Logan gave me one, saying something about allergy season. I brushed his mouth. Satisfied with my work, I returned the tissue to my pocket when suddenly Kendall leaned forward.
His lips were on mine, warm and foreign. And it felt wrong. I pushed at him and after a moment, he obliged. I felt a flash of anger as he pulled away from me.
"WHAT THE HELL?" I practically screamed, but kept my voice low. James was in the room over and I wanted to deal with this in a way that wouldn't end with James punching Kendall, or something equally disastrous. "I just told you that I am dating you best friend. How could you do this? I mean, you're so much better than this. I can't believ—" I just trailed off.
"Oh my god, I'm gay," Kendall wailed, burying his face in his hands.
Gay? What? Was this just some experiment? I wanted to muster up my anger and yell. He had just practically used me, but he sounded so pitiful, so broken up that all my irritation dissipated.
"You didn't know?" I asked, dumbly.
He looked up at me. "No, did you?"
Well, my answer was no. I shook my head.
"What made you question?" I asked softly after a few moments.
Kendall's distress faded a bit and was replaced with a dreamy look. "Logan." The way he said the brunette's name was like it was some precious gem.
"Did something happen?"
"He kissed me," Kendall said. Then told me in a rush, "And I liked it, but I couldn't be gay, right? I still liked girls. I had to check, or something. So I thought of you. But I didn't think…I didn't think… Oh god, James! He's going to hate me."
"No, no." I shushed Kendall. He was getting kind of loud at this point. "I won't mention it. Forget it ever happened."
Kendall nodded, suddenly looking relieved. His horrified revelation from a few minutes before was gone. It was replaced with a nearly giddy attitude. It was as if he was suddenly at peace with it. Maybe all he needed was that confirmation to come to terms with it.
"So what now?" I asked him, but he didn't answer. He was texting on his phone. He looked somewhat smug.
"Yeah, Kendall?" Logan asked, coming into the room from the hall with his phone in his hand. He stood near the doorway, looking confused, and maybe a bit nervous.
Kendall unfolded from the couch and went to Logan. "Remember what happened yesterday?" Logan looked scared but nodded. "I just ran off, and I shouldn't have done that…not to my best friend—though as of late my judgment when it comes to my friends seems a bit off. I should have talked to you and figured this out, but I didn't know what to say. Jo, though, has helped me to realize what I should have said…"
Logan looked like he was going to be sick. As Kendall seemed to be wrapping up his monologue, Logan closed his eyes. I recognized that look. Once when watching the guys playing hockey, I saw Logan make that same face. He was about to be crashed into by Carlos and James. He was bracing himself, but this time emotionally.
"Or…actually, not have said." Logan looked punched, but not for long. Kendall grabbed the smaller boy by the shoulders and crashed their lips together. It was messy, rough and not romantic at all, but it was more real than any other kiss I had seen before.
They broke apart after a moment and Kendall moved in for a softer kiss. This was what I had been expecting…soft and loving. Logan's hands tangled in Kendall's hair and the blonde smiled against his lips. I finally looked away, feeling embarrassed for watching so long. It was like a train wreck though, not bad, but I just couldn't look away.
Just then I heard the bedroom behind me open. James.
"How long was I in there?" My boyfriend asked, looking at Kendall and Logan in surprise.
"Long enough." I smiled, stood and took his hand. I led him around the two kissing boys, and into the hall. "Next time though, I don't want to be left waiting that long."