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Easter in bed

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One of the best things about Aaron staying over - aside from the whole being with Aaron bit and the no one wondering where they were for days bit - was that Robert got the chance to bottom, which was rare. Although Chrissie had fucked him with a strap-on a few times, she hadn't shown any interest in doing that for quite a long while, and Robert felt trapped enough by homophobia and masculinity to feel unable to ask for it again.

Aaron made him feel like it was okay to ask for that kind of thing - okay to want it - okay to be himself. It wasn't Aaron's transness that made Robert feel that way, but his general Aaronness . He was so steadfastly, unapologetically himself, in all his bad-tempered, soft-hearted splendour, that it made Robert want to be himself, too.

It was a heady feeling which had led Robert to arranging this time for them, to be alone in a decent bed with days stretching ahead of them. It was the forward planning that meant that Robert could bottom - because for Aaron, topping meant using extra equipment, and he couldn't exactly take a dildo to work with him on the off-chance that they could find a spare hour together. Robert was looking forward to this.

Their first night, Robert opened the front door to Aaron, who had one hand clenched around the strap of his rucksack, which was over one shoulder, and the other hand pushed deep into his jeans pocket. He looked shifty and uncomfortable, as though the idea of coming face-to-face with Chrissie instead of Robert was topmost in his mind. Robert tugged him inside, took the bag and discarded it behind himself somewhere, pushed Aaron back against the door and kissed him. Palms cradling Aaron's darkly stubbled jaw, Robert opened his mouth into the kiss and their tongues danced together. Aaron gripped Robert's elbows, holding him in place, tugging him even closer.

By the time they pulled away, Aaron looked much more relaxed. An uncertain smile rested on his lips, catching Robert's attention.

"Get upstairs, you," Robert said softly, tipping his head and tearing his gaze away from Aaron's mouth to meet his blue eyes.

Aaron gave one of his huffs of not-quite-laughter, pushing past Robert and snagging his rucksack on his way past. Robert turned to follow him to the stairs, pausing at the foot of them to have a good look at Aaron's arse in his jeans, before chasing him up to the master bedroom.

Before Robert was more than a step inside the room, Aaron had Robert's shirt off and was sliding his hands over Robert's ribs as they kissed again and stumbled towards the bed. A fumble of fabric and fastenings later, the two of them fell across the duvet in just their underwear. Robert dragged one hand down Aaron's torso, passing over the short scars of a razor and the longer ones of a surgeon's scalpel. He cupped Aaron through his briefs and smiled into the kiss as he felt, through the cotton, Aaron's packer under his palm.

"All for me," he whispered against Aaron's lips.

"All for you," Aaron echoed, looking up at him, and Robert wavered, because it hadn't sounded like Aaron was just talking about his silicone cock, or even just about his body. It was an uncomfortable idea that Aaron might want more from him than he could give - he wanted Aaron to just be content with what they had. Robert hid his unease by dipping down to kiss Aaron's chest, curling his fingers around Aaron's inner thigh. Aaron drew in a quick breath and raised his hand to hold the back of Robert's head, short nails scraping his scalp. Robert loved that they could be a bit rough with each other, could let their passion show in this way. With Chrissie, well, their sex life was fine, but they had been together long enough to fall into a bit of a routine. It was the way things went. He knew the same thing would happen with Aaron. Eventually.

He pushed down the thought that it had been four months, and he wasn't the slightest bit bored yet.

Robert moved lower and pulled off Aaron's briefs to reveal his cock, one which had realistic-looking balls and a hollow shaft for Aaron to pee through. Grounding himself with one hand on Aaron's hip, Robert used the other hand to hold Aaron's dick in place before taking it in his mouth. Aaron couldn't feel it, of course, but both of them enjoyed it, and Robert made sure to make a show of it. He kept his eyes locked on Aaron's and slid his lips all the way to the base. His scalp tingled as Aaron slipped confident fingers through his hair, gazing back at him. Robert bobbed his head, the slide of Aaron through his lips making him hard, despite it not feeling quite the same.

Robert continued the blowjob until Aaron was taking deep, unsteady breaths and his hips were twitching, then pulled back. "You're topping, right?" Robert asked breathlessly.

"Yeah," Aaron agreed. Robert leaned back on his heels to give Aaron room to move as he took the packer away and dropped it in his rucksack, swapping it for a dildo, lube and a condom. At first, Robert could only stare as Aaron took a moment to touch himself, his fingers moving in quick circles, briefly dipping lower to pick up some of Aaron's own slickness. Then Robert's hand drifted to his own cock and they each watched their desire mirrored in the other as they pleasured themselves.

"C'mon, hurry up," Robert urged.

Aaron rolled his eyes and grabbed the dildo, slipping off the bed to pull the harness on and tighten it, and roll on a condom. He pulled a plastic glove onto one hand, too, because he was squeamish about fingering. By the time he got back on the bed, Robert had shifted round to lie against the pillows and had the bottle of lube ready to squeeze some onto Aaron's fingers.

Robert parted his legs for Aaron, who knelt between them and stroked his clean hand up one thigh, holding Robert open. One finger teased at Robert's rim for only a few seconds before plunging fully inside him, making Robert gasp and close his eyes. But that didn't last long: Aaron's pink-cheeked face as he touched Robert was too good to look away from. Aaron added a second finger, curling them deliciously to rub against Robert's prostate and, fuck, should Robert be embarrassed that he was quite so ready for this? He couldn't be, though. This was Aaron.

A third and fourth finger followed quickly. The pressure, the friction, had Robert tipping back his head in ecstasy. He reached blindly for Aaron's free hand and squeezed tightly, just needing more of him. So much more.

Robert gave an open-mouthed groan. "I'm ready." He lifted his head to watch Aaron preparing and licked his lips in anticipation. When Aaron pushed back Robert's leg and lay across him, Robert let out a sigh that seemed to release more than air. "Yeah..." he whispered, hooking his ankles behind Aaron's back and gripping his strong biceps. So good and perfect, Aaron's skin against his, Aaron's breath against his cheek.

Aaron held himself steady and rocked his hips gently, pressing in with only the tip of his cock. When Robert's muscles relaxed for him, he pushed a little further, making tiny movements so the flared head caught repeatedly on Robert's rim. Robert let out a needy moan, his body desperate for more. "Come on , Aaron," he said, the closest he got to begging.

Aaron came to rest on both forearms, watching Robert's face as he slowly slid all the way home. Robert could only hope that his expression was worth looking at, because he had no control over it at all any more. He knew his mouth was gaping and there was just nothing he could bring himself to do about it as Aaron withdrew with the same tortuous slowness before filling him again. He had to close his eyes to the potential promises in Aaron's, because he could promise nothing in return, only this, his pleasure, and this, their sliding rhythm, and this, his touch at the back of Aaron's neck.

How many times had they done this now? Perhaps more than Robert had thought, because Aaron always knew just when to go harder or when to slow down and let Robert come back from the brink. Robert sensed Aaron leaning closer, and moaned again as the gentle kisses pressed to his face formed a perfect counterpoint to the snapping of Aaron's hips.

When the friction of their bellies on Robert's cock was no longer enough, he pushed a hand between them and began to stroke himself. With every thrust now, Robert was practically whimpering. He was so, so close.

"Slower, but harder," he managed to gasp. Aaron did as he asked, and Robert's hand flew over his cock, and then he was coming and moaning and tightening and Aaron was fucking him through it as come hit both their chests.

Aaron's movements slowed to a stop. Robert's legs around him loosened and he pulled away while Robert starfished happily, getting his breath back. Robert listened to the small sounds of a condom and a harness being removed, of a discarded shirt (probably Robert's, the cheeky bastard) being used to clean them both up. Aaron lay against him, resting one palm on Robert's chest, so Robert lifted his own hand to trace patterns on Aaron's back. Robert had spent so much of his life feeling out of place, as though he had failed to measure up to some undisclosed test, but lying there with Aaron, he felt something else, something very different, something that he had felt only a handful of times since Sarah had died: he felt as though he were exactly where - and who - he was supposed to be.

After a few minutes of this bliss, Aaron broke the silence with: "So, are you gonna suck me off, or what?"

Robert had to laugh. Aaron wasn't much of a talker, making that about the dirtiest thing he had ever said. Opening his eyes, Robert saw that Aaron's cheeks were aflame and that he looked as though he were considering just rolling away out of bed. "Hey," Robert said, holding him tighter. He leaned in for a quick kiss, knowing Aaron would never turn him down, before continuing. "I just had your dick inside me - it's a bit late to be going shy on me."

"Do one," Aaron told him, so Robert kissed him again, and kept kissing him until the tension melted out of him.

Robert pushed Aaron onto his back and shuffled further down the bed. He kissed Aaron's belly, feeling the soft hairiness under his lips. He wanted to make Aaron feel good.

Robert's mouth strayed lower, and he inhaled the musky scent of arousal. He fucking loved that Aaron's particular anatomy meant that he got both wet and hard. It was amazing. Maybe it was something to do with Robert's fragile ego - the fact that he could feel confident and insecure in the very same moment - but it really got to him to see a sex partner turned on because of him.

Aaron's dick, which had once been a clit but had outgrown the term after Aaron started testosterone, was about the size of Robert's first finger joint and mostly hidden by Aaron's foreskin. Robert leaned in and licked it with the flat of his tongue, and then again, feeling its hardness. He rested a hand on Aaron's abdomen and stroked his thumb over Aaron's cock, watching Aaron's back arch. Pulling up the foreskin to make Aaron's dick stand a little prouder and expose the extra-sensitive head, Robert pursed his lips around it, bobbing his head, sucking, licking.

Aaron didn't say much during sex either, but he grunted in pleasure and his knuckles were white from clutching the duvet. He may not be loud about it, but he wore his feelings like a fine robe, as always.

"Is lower okay?" Robert asked, checking how Aaron was feeling today about what he called 'the other hole'.

"Yeah." His deep voice was beautifully rough.

Robert switched to stroking Aaron's dick with his fingers, moving more quickly. He licked Aaron, tasting him, slipping inside and rubbing against his soft inner walls, and all at once Aaron came around his tongue with a choked-off moan.

Robert raised his head to catch Aaron's satisfied expression, then let Aaron pull him up for an unhurried kiss. It was Robert's turn to lie against Aaron, laying his cheek on Aaron's shoulder. When Aaron tilted his head to let his mouth rest against Robert's forehead, Robert closed his eyes and stroked Aaron's ribs. They had days of this ahead of them. Maybe it was too much. Maybe it wasn't enough. But it was theirs, and it was private, and Robert wouldn't allow himself to want any more.