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Small Regrets

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Shogo was starting to wish he’d just stayed in the bedroom where they’d been filming.

Takuya had taken off before everyone else, like he was prone to do whenever they did filming for Log-Men or any other filming that involved situation questions, and Kei had been pulled out of the room by one of the managers for a private conversation. Kei always got to comforting Takuya first and Shogo wanted to take the opportunity himself.

The rapper had almost kissed him, after all.

Takuya. Their youngest. The guy who always ended up with second-hand embarrassment whenever he had to watch his friends exceed his comfort of PDA for situation questions had almost willingly initiated a kiss with him on camera.

Shogo had been a little stunned when he first realized that Takuya was moving forward to kiss him, but as soon as he realized, he’d leaned forward to meet him. Only for him to lean back out of the way and return his attention to the camera, announcing he was finished.

The guitarist wondered if his disappointment had shown at all. He was sure it hadn’t, but the apologetic look that Kenta shot him during a cut made him question his own certainty.

Shogo hadn’t been quite sure of what he would say to Takuya when he found him, but he doubted it would’ve made a difference. Not when he finally found Takuya. And Kei.

Because, just like every other time that Shogo had tried, Kei had beaten him.

He wanted to leave. He wanted to just turn back around and walk away from the door of the kitchen and back down the hall. But he couldn’t. His feet were stuck to the floor and left him standing on the outside of the slightly ajar door. The crack was just enough for Shogo to see everything he didn’t want to see.

Takuya’s fingers were curled into the front of Kei’s shirt and the bassist had his arms looped around the smaller man’s waist. They both had their eyes closed, far too caught up in the slow, soothing kiss they were sharing.

Shogo felt his stomach twist into a knot.

It wasn’t that he was surprised to catch them like this. There had never been an announcement. It was just something that the band knew was there and no one questioned it or brought it up. It wasn’t important. When everyone was together as group, it was about everyone and their friendship, not what their tallest and their youngest did together when they were alone.

Seeing them actually doing something intimate just made it so much more real. He wouldn’t be able to just close his eyes at night pretend that Kei and Takuya weren’t like that and that Takuya was his and only his. All he’d see when he closed his eyes to think of Takuya would be the image right in front of him, burned into his head forever.

He tried not to remember the disapproving look that had flickered over Kei’s face after Takuya had almost kissed him. Or, rather, after Shogo had almost made Takuya kiss him.

A hand quietly clapped over Shogo’s mouth and the guitarist jumped. He spun his head around, staring wide eyed at Kenta holding his other finger up to his lips in a hushing gesture.

Shogo let Kenta take his hand and lead him away from the kitchen, back to the bedroom they’d been recording in. Kenta lifted the hand to his lips to kiss Shogo’s knuckles. The guitarist squeezed the hand in his.

“I’m sorry, Sho-chan,” Kenta murmured, pulling him into a hug.

Shogo just shook his head and returned the embrace.