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Dunkaccino: Hell on Earth

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There stood in the distance a Dunkin Donuts, it didn’t look anything out of the ordinary, it just looked like a typical Dunkin Donuts, it was a one story building that had on a bage coat of paint. There were several windows which would allow for any passers by to see inside of it. These windows also were plastered with advertisements for any new products that Dunkin Donuts had created. On the very front of the place, there were big purple and orange letters that simply read “Dunkin Donuts”

A big booming voice from the sky said “Something’s brewing at D&D”

The inside of the place looked the same as always, it had a bage colored floor, brown tables that the customers were seated at in order to enjoy their donuts. There was also a black colored counter had a grey colored cash register on top of it that one employee was using in order to take money from customers and give them their donuts. Behind these employees was an orange colored rack that contained donuts of various different kinds.

The door to Dunkin Donuts opened up and a familiar face walked in. Everyone stopped what they were doing at that moment and all attention was put on this stranger. This man was wearing a black suit, black pants and black shoes. He had a black beard that looked like it was greying just a little bit and his black hair was the same way.

The room was silent until one employee broke the silence by pointing out who he was. “Al Pacino” said the employee in awe. Al then walked towards the counter and said “It’s not Al anymore, its Dunk” he then gave a thumbs up to show that he was completely serious.

An employee who resembled the famous actor Adam Sandler questioned this statement, “Dunkaccino?”

Dunkaccino then noticed that Adam Sandler was holding the very same coffee drink that he was named after in his hand. Dunk then snatched the drink out of Adam’s hand and said, “don’t mind if I do.”

Soon record scratches played in the air as Dunk did a satanic pose resembling Jesus dying on the cross while he sang and asked the crowd “what’s my name?” The crowd seemed to be under a hypnotic suggestion from his singing so they responded with “Dunkaccino!”

Dunkaccino then sang “it’s a whole new game.” The crowd were now powerless to resist him so they just sang back “Dunkaccino!”

Dunkaccino continued singing “you want creamy goodness, I’m your friend, say hello to my chocolate blend!” Dunkaccino then ripped his jacket open to reveal the inside was covered in colorful donut patterns.

At this point, Dunkaccino’s slaves started rising up and dancing to Dunkaccino’s Hellish rhythm while Dunkaccino himself continued dancing.

“Attica, hoowow, lucky light, this whole trial is out of sight. They pulled me back in with hazelnut too, caramel swirl, I know it was you” Dunkaccino then stared into the very soul of the person reading this fanfiction and then he pointed one finger at them to let them know that they will be the first one to die during Dunkaccino’s reign over the earth.

Dunkaccino then danced straight down the aisle while everyone else continued dancing and he sang “everyone wants my Dunkaccino, can’t get enough of my Dunkaccino, kids from seven to seventino, lining up for my Dunkaccino”

Dunkaccino then teleported into one of the seats to show off his hellish powers once again while he asked “what’s my name?”

The crowd at this point were mindless zombies and they hopelessly replied with “Dunkaccino!”

Dunkaccino teleported back to where he was before and then used his powers to summon his horsemen of the apocalypse. Two of them were identical looking, they were both human sized donuts, pink with sprinkles on top big enough to be used as floatation devices, the only difference was that these donut people had blue arms, blue legs, and human faces to go along side their disfigurement.

The final horseman of the apocalypse was completely white, he looked like a giant coffee cup but with black arms that ended with white almost like he was wearing gloves. The legs were the same as the arms, just black but ending with white, and he had a white face jutting out of a hole in his body. On top of his head (lid) instead of hair, there was a whipped cream swirl.. On his body was the words “Dunkaccino” and directly over it were the words “Dunkin Donuts”

Dunkaccino proceeded to dance, with his horsemen joining while he sang “a dunka dunka” the crowd then finished the lyric with a final “Dunkaccino!”

Dunkaccino’s plan had gone without a hitch, now everyone was his slave and he prepared to conquer the world with his new minions until he felt a harsh blow on the back of his head which sent him flying into a table which broke from the force that Dunkaccino was flung at.

Dunkaccino lied on the ground for several seconds before getting up to see who it was that hit him. What he saw shocked him, standing on the counter with a triumphant grin on his face, stood Adam Sandler!

Adam then said “your infectious song and dance number may have infected all of these people in the Dunkin Donuts, but it will not affect me because the flames in my heart burn with a desire to defeat you”

Dunkaccino just laughed and said “you will not stop me Adam Sandler-sama, soon my Dunkaccino song will make it to the top 40 songs on the radio. Everyone will be under my control, and then eventually they’ll all mutate into me, and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

Dunkaccino then raised both of his hands and blue lightning shot out and struck Adam Sandler, which caused him to go flying into a wall.

All of Dunkaccino’s minions huddled around Adam Sander, it was now clear that they were under his control as they were now all wearing Dunkin Donuts employee uniforms and all of them had the same face and body type as Dunkaccino

Dunkaccino then pointed his finger towards Adam Sandler and yelled to his minions “ATTACK, ATTACK HIM MY MINIONS!”

The minions (we’ll call them dunklings) did as they were told and proceeded to run at Adam Sandler full force. Adam Sandler felt every blood cell in his body cry out for victory and he proceeded to lay waste to the dunklings.

Adam Sandler started out by jumping, doing a flip in the air and landing in front of one of the dunklings. The dunkling was surprised at this and for a moment, it stood there in shock. This was all the time that Adam needed because his fist clenched and he punched the dunkling square in the face It caused 4 of their teeth to fly out and for them to go flying back. Another dunkling ran up to Adam Sandler and tried to punch him but Adam opened up his mouth and breathed a stream of orange fire, turning the dunkling to ashes.
A new dunkling began to approach Adam Sandler, only this one was duel wielding katana blades. The dunkling swung one of the blades at Adam’s head but he ducked and another dunkling got decapitated instead. The dunkling then swung at Adam again only instead, Adam Sandler blocked it with his elbow and it caused the sword to break in two.
The dunkling then swung his other katana at Adam Sandler but Adam caught the sword in his teeth and as he bit down, the sword shattered. Adam Sandler then performed a palm strike on the dunkling and instead of flying back, the dunkling stayed standing up until blood started coming out of every hole in his body. This was because Adam Sandler’s palm strike made all his organs explode at the same time.

Two more dunklings then punched Adam in the face and Adam got knocked into one of the tables which broke under the force of Adam’s impact.
Adam then got back up from that nasty blow and he just stood and stared at the two dunklings. His eyes then started to glow red and he unleashed a stream of heat vision which decapitated the dunklings.

There was only one dunkling left and he knew that if he was going to kill Adam Sandler then he was going to need some heavy artillery. The dunkling then reached into his pocket and pulled out a rocket launcher and he said “say hello to my chocolate blend” in such a rude tone before firing the rocket. The dunkling then pulled the trigger and the blast ended up taking out half of the Dunkin Donuts.

After the smoke had cleared, the dunkling looked around and couldn’t find Adam anywhere. He smiled at this and assumed that Adam Sandler must have been atomized by the blast.

The dunkling prepared to leave until he sensed a presence behind him. The dunkling looked back and saw that Adam Sandler was standing there, completely unharmed from the rocket launchers impact.

The dunkling just stood there in shock and dropped the rocket launcher on the ground. Adam then calmly put his hand on the dunkling’s head and then he quickly twisted it and a *CRACK* was heard from the dunkling’s neck before he slumped over dead.

Dunkaccino then descended and said “so, Adam-kun, you managed to defeat all of my dunklings, its no matter I can still create more. Until then, I’ll have the horsemen of the apocalypse take care of you” he then disappeared in a flash of smoke and in his place appeared his horsemen of the apocalypse.

The two donut men and the coffee cream guy appeared in a blinding flash of white light which caused Adam Sandler to step back for a second. The horsemen of the apocalypse stood there with determined looks on all of their faces.

Adam Sandler then cracked his knuckles and said, “no matter what Dunkaccino throws at me I will not yield, I will protect this planet from whatever evil forces he threatens this planet with.”

The Coffee Cream Guy then replied with “nigga, that’s some gay ass shit you spewing right there.”

The time for talking was over now, the two donut men then ran in opposite directions to flank Adam, and the coffee cream guy jumped up in the air and kicked Adam in the chest which sent him flying in the air and then landing with a hard *CRASH* which created a crater in the ground due to the force of the impact.
Adam Sandler spat out blood and then he stared at the coffee cream guy “my turn” said Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler then unbuttoned his pants and took off his underwear to reveal that his cock was a chainsaw. Adam then lunged towards the coffee cream guy and began sawing his limbs off.

First Adam started with Coffee Cream Guy’s left arm. Coffee Cream Guy yelled in pain from this and tried to get away, but Adam Sandler’s chainsaw cock had a built-in web shooter which Adam shot out and caused the Coffee Cream Guy to become stuck in place.

Adam then sawed-off Coffee Cream Guy’s right arm, which incited another yell from Adam’s enemy. Coffee Cream Guy then unleashed a burning hot laser from his mouth at Adam, but Adam dodged it and he shoved a wad of bubble gum into Coffee Cream Guy’s mouth in order to keep him from doing that again.

Adam sawed off Coffee Cream Guy’s right leg and this made Coffee Cream Guy yell once again. Coffee Cream guy was now hopping on one foot at this point and he tried to kill Adam by unleashing a swarm of wasps from his eyes to sting Adam to death.

Adam was expecting this, so he used his chainsaw cock to slice up all of the wasps at lightning fast speeds with A+ precision. Adam Sandler then stole a joke from the Three Stooges and poked Coffee Cream Guy directly in both his eyes to keep him from performing that action again.

Adam finally sliced off Coffee Cream guy’s right leg and now Coffee Cream Guy just looked like a cup of coffee with a face jutting out of it. Adam wasn’t finished with his attack yet though, he proceeded to raise his chainsaw cock high in the air and then he let it down. Coffee Cream Guy started yelling one last time as Adam was in the process of sawing him into two equal slices.

Adam finally finished sawing Coffee Cream Guy in half and both of his halves fell in opposite directions on the ground.

Adam then felt a kick to his chin which made him spit up blood and his vision grew blurry. When Adam recovered, he looked to see who did that.
It was the two donut men, and the both of them were standing side by side to show Adam Sandler that they meant business.

Adam wanted to get to Dunkachino right away and show him what his insides looked like from the outside so he decided he’d get rid of these donut men quickly by using a tactic he hadn’t used since the 90’s. Adam Sandler pulled out a golf ball and a golf club.

The donut men were puzzled as to why he would do something like this but after a second or two, they decided they didn’t care and proceeded to run towards Adam.
Adam calmly placed the golf ball down on the ground and got into position. He only had one shot so he would need to make this count.

As the donut men were about to reach him, Adam swung his golf club and sent the ball flying at the two donut men.

It hit the first donut man in the forehead, and it caused his skeleton to shatter from the inside. The ball then bounced off and landed inside of the other donut man’s belly button which caused him to explode into a pile of blood pudding.

All of Dunkaccino’s forces had been taken down, now there was only one person left for Adam to face.

Adam then yelled out towards the Heavens “DUNKACCINOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Dunkaccino then proceeded to descend from space, instead of being mad, Dunkaccino was smiling and clapping. It was as if Adam Sandler, the dunklings, and the horsemen of the apocalypse had just put on a performance stage show and Dunkaccino loved every second of it.

At last, Dunkachino gently landed on the ground and then said “you put on quite a show for me Adam, you’re retired and out of practice and yet you still beat all of my children. If we weren’t enemies sworn to destroy each other, I’d like to think that we’d be the best of friends.”

Adam Sandler then scoffed and said “I’d never be friends with a monster like you.”

Dunkaccino then said “so be it.”

Dunkaccino then clapped his hands together and created a giant pink sprinkle donut made out of pure negative energy. He then threw this energy donut at Adam Sandler, who proceeded to punch it and cause the donut to dissipate.

Adam Sandler then created a fireball in his hands and threw it at Dunkaccino, who casually deflected it as if it were nothing.

Dunkaccino said, “it seems like we’re both good with energy attacks, but this fight shouldn’t be decided by that, but instead by our raw fighting skills.”

Adam said, “I couldn’t agree more.”

They both ran towards each other and punched at the same time. The blast created by their punches clashing, caused an earthquake which made several buildings start to collapse. Dunkaccino then caught some of the rubble from these buildings and he tossed them at Adam Sandler one by one.

Adam shattered each and every stone with lightning fast kicks before he turned his kicks onto Dunkaccino who managed to dodge a few of them but was soon caught in a flurry of kicks. It was almost like Adam didn’t have two legs, but instead had over a dozen of them that were being used to hurt him.

Finally, Adam finished his attack and sent Dunkaccino flying into a car which then exploded on impact. Dunkaccino emerged from the explosion looking completely unharmed. He then brushed himself off and said, “is that the best you can do?”

Dunkaccino then raced over to Adam and punched him in the face, in the stomach, in his testicles, in his neck, and finally in the chin. Adam coughed up a tooth due to Dunkaccino’s attack.

Adam realized that he would need to up his game if was going to defeat Dunkaccino. Suddenly Adam Sandler’s nose hairs started to rapidly extend and grow until they were about the size of whips.

Adam then shot them out at Dunkaccino, he tried to resist until the nose hairs caught him and he couldn’t escape. Adam then pulled out his chainsaw cock (this time it was blessed with the energy given by the gods themselves) and prepared to dismember Dunkaccino just like he did to Coffee Cream Guy.

Dunkaccino sensed what was about to happen and so he broke free of Adam’s nose hairs and he dropped his pants to match Adam’s.

Adam Sandler’s jaw dropped at the sight before him, instead of a chainsaw cock, Dunkaccino had a weed whacker for his cock.

Adam Sandler blushed in envy “it’s not like I’m jealous of you or anything, baka!”

Dunkaccino just laughed at that remark, before getting serious again and started attempting to whack off Adam Sandler.

Adam blocked this attack with his own chainsaw cock and attempted to slice Dunkaccino’s head off. Dunkaccino ducked and rolled out of the way. Dunkaccino then noticed that during all this chaos someone had dropped a jar of strawberry jelly.

While Adam was distracted, Dunkaccino ran over and grabbed the jelly for himself. He then opened up the jar, got out a butter knife (Dunkaccino always carries butter knives on him in case its ever breakfast time somewhere in the world) and spread jelly onto his weed whacker.

This was so he could attract other insects to cock and gain bug powers from them. As he had hoped, bugs started coming towards Dunkaccino’s cock and now Dunkaccino had achieved weed whacker cock mark II!

He then raced towards Adam Sandler and prepared to slice him up. Adam then raised his chainsaw cock to defend against this attack but unlike before, the two cocks weren’t equal anymore.

Thanks to this imbalance, Adam’s chainsaw cock shattered, and Adam Sandler got a big, gaping wound across his chest, to which blood started shooting out of like a geyser.
Dunkaccino laughed, finally satisfied with his victory over his long hated adversary Adam Sandler.

*in the afterlife*

As Adam Sandler lay there dying he thought to himself “I guess this is it huh?” He then started to think of all the people who would want his to continue fighting on. Visions of all the comrades he’d fought alongside started to flash before his eyes.

Goku, Superman, All Might, Mr. Incredible, Paul Blart, these were his allies that he’d forged unbreakable bonds with.

He remembered when he and Paul Blart saved the mall from the wrath of Shao Khan. He remembered when he teamed up with Spider-man to defeat Santa Claus and keep him from killing the world. He remembered when he assisted the Pretty Cures in destroying a universe ending villain.

He realized that he couldn’t die now, he had to continue fighting to save humanity!

*Back on earth*

Dunkaccino prepared to start a new song and dance number only this time, it would be worldwide and everyone would be under his power.

Dunkaccino then cleared his throat and record scratches started to play while he sang “what’s my name?”

Instead of the intended reaction, someone said “Dunkaccigo to back to Hell where you came from” and Dunkaccino felt a hard blast go through his body which caused him to cough up a gallon of blood.

Dunkaccino got back up and looked to see who had done this.

It was his enemy Adam Sandler only he was much different. He looked just like normal Adam Sandler only this time he was coated in a golden sheen, his eyes were flashing with anger, and there was solar energy coming out of his hands. He wasn’t Adam Sandler anymore, he had ascended and become Golden Adam Sandler!

Dunkaccino felt an emotion that he’d never felt before in his life, actual, honest, fear.

Dunkaccino started to get desperate and he created a ball of energy that towered over the galaxy itself. He launched this ball directly towards Golden Adam Sandler, but what he did next shocked him.

He actually caught the ball with one hand, looked at it for a second and then blew it out like a candle.

This was all that Dunkaccino needed to see to know that he was fucked.

He tried to run but everywhere he went, Golden Adam Sandler was always there before him. Finally Dunkaccino tried hiding on the moon but as always Golden Adam Sandler was there and Dunkaccino was tired at this point and decided to give himself up. He held his hands up to show that he was done trying and Golden Adam Sandler raised up his leg and chopped him in half with one single kick!

Dunkaccino laid down, his bottom half was gone, and his intestines were falling out, but he smiled that he at least got a good fight before he died.
Golden Adam Sandler then changed back to normal and sat by Dunkaccino. The both of them were really tired and could use a nap.

“That was a great fight wasn’t it Adam” said Dunkaccino.

Adam said “yeah, yeah it was”

Adam then got up and prepared to leave and as the light left from Dunkaccino’s eyes he said “see you around Adam.”

Dunkaccino’s body then went limp and he died right there.

Adam looked at the earth from the moon and he smiled, knowing that the earth was finally safe from the wrath of Dunkaccino.