It’s freezing, but I don’t feel like moving. I’m scared.
I frenetically look around to desperately catch a hint, but the more I keep my eyes open and the more I wanna shut them dead, desiring to run with nowhere to go.
Sunlight shines bright on the streets, yet I’m terrified like I’m surrounded by darkness; everything is unfamiliar. The street signs, buildings, people. I’m stuck.
No one ever walks around knowing every face passing by, but there’s still something to assure you are at home – and that is far from it.
I don’t know how I got here. It’s blank.
Everything is blank. I cannot tell who my friends are, who my family is, the places I’ve been living in;
I’m stuck here – and only here.
Standing up was surprisingly harder than expected, my back hurts and I can’t tell how I got so weak, but I only wished to sleep everything off on a bed.
I guess I have no choice, but to look for one.
‘ Gotta start somewhere, somehow.
I’m shaking. When did walking get so hard?
Every house had a garden, never higher than two floors, but mainly, never attached to another.
This must be a town. Which is good news, considering average prices in towns.
Money? How do I even think about money? Do I have some?
I checked every inch of clothing I had on, thanking whatever is outside of my control I had a bag with me. How do I have a bag with me?
There’s no time for that, now.
Apparently, nothing useful was in my bag either. Random, pointless objects. Nothing.
An envelope. Hidden at the bottom of a bag, but still an envelope.
I prayed whatever there could be money in there, at least something valuable, but all it had was a blank paper. What’s the point to have an unwritten letter ready to be sent?
There was an address written behind it. It’s not much, but it’s the only thing I’ve got, now.
Whoever had to receive this letter – or whoever I wanted to write it for – must be able to reveal the smallest something.
I tried to stop a few people to ask indications, but no one stopped.
Wherever I am, I’m surely not gonna come back intentionally.
I need to think.
Sitting on the closest plank I could find, I took a deeper look in my, apparently, school bag.
There wasn’t much, but at least I’m in a full furnished town; it would’ve been worse to be in a forest.
These objects are surely curious; if I can find a logic between them, maybe I could have a clue of what I was planning to do.
Given that is even my school bag, at least.
Where’s the connection between a beanie, a book, an envelope and a file of papers?
Music. Music sheets.
Who the fuck can read music sheets? I sure as hell cannot.
Great. Just great.
Maybe a walk would help me clear my head.
Probably I’m just exhausted, but I feel like I’ve been walking a whole week. Rationally, I think I walked an hour or so.
I have surely regretted leaving wherever I was; the full-of-people wherever I was.
Forcing myself not to fall into a mental breakdown, I sat down again. Just on the sidewalk, staring at a random spot.
I need to stay focused, but everything I could see were houses, trees and parks. Not even a car.
Assuring myself I will eventually find something usefull, my legs could only start again. There’s no other way.
A huge building in the middle of nowhere is surely surprising, but I don’t think I’m in the position to get surprised by it anymore.
Apparently, a university.
I don’t even know what time it is, but the sun is up. Early afternoon, for sure.
Aren’t minds a curious thing?
The more I got closer to my only hope, the more I hypothesized every reason why it would surely be closed.
I don’t even know how these people could help me, but they were people and that was enough.
Okay, hype’s over.
What do I even ask them? If there’s a motel nearby that would give me a room for free?
The address! Maybe there’s even a bus. If there is, they’ll know it. They can check. I couldn’t pay for it, but a ticket is not my biggest concern right now.
It’s surely not my country, but at least they speak English.
I could’ve been stuck in Russia, for that matter. That would’ve been worse.
No one had a clue of where the address was, but an extremely old computer came in handy.
Too old. How did they even find it? How can it possibly still work?
Again, not now. Things are weird enough, already.
That university is exactly in the street I was trying to reach, but the house number wasn’t. Surely a mistake.
Well, isn’t this my lucky day. I honestly cannot tell if that is good news or not, but I decided to see the glass half full: for all I know, that address could have been in a whole different city.
What were the chances to walk randomly to it?
I guess I do deserve a little help here, though.
I saw a redhead – a stunning redhead, to be fair – smoking a cigarette.
Guess what else I actually do deserve today?
“Excuse me?” – not gonna lie, I did not expect a courtesy smile when she turned her head.
I didn’t even expect her to turn her head at all.
I hate feeling shy. I so fucking hate feeling shy.
“I’m sorry to bother, but could I steal a cigarette of yours? Today has been hell of a day”
She laughed. Why am I so surprised to see her laugh? Doesn’t matter.
“Of course you can. I just bought them, anyway” – she seems friendly.
She even handed me a lighter without waiting for me to ask for it.
It’s a small gesture, but it counts.
I could only use my eyes to thank her while I lightened it, but words came out just a second later -her warm smile gave me the impression I did not need to use them.
I wished I didn’t have to take one step away from this girl. I just wanna talk to someone, for a moment. Who would be eager to walk away from a kind girl during a day like this?
“So – she started, taking one more drag.
“Heck of a day, huh?”
Will I ever be happier about small talks? I highly doubt it.
“So much I am even enjoying small talks” – oh, well. It’s always nice to make someone laugh.
Especially when it’s such a genuine, cheerful laughter.
“I didn’t have the greatest day either. We’ll probably feel like having a second one” – her eyes were cunning, precise.
“I wouldn’t say no. So, what happened today?”
“Ugh, just an important exam gone wrong. It’s the third time I take this fucking thing - I thought that the more you study and the better it should go, not the bloody opposite”
I couldn’t hold my laughter. I surely know what she means.
“Tell me about it”
“You too? Please, tell me I’m not the only hopeless one in this place” – she was surely being ironic, I liked her humour, but if she could only know what I actually wished to answer, she might reconsider her day.
“Well, I am definitely trying to hold onto the little pieces of mine, no worries”
“What exam were you preparing for?”
“Oh, no. I’m not a student here, but maybe you can help me – scrambling through my bag, I tried to find that envelope as fast as I could.
“I was trying to reach this address, do you have any idea of where it is? – handing her the paper felt like landing her my whole heart.
Please, say something useful.
“I’ve been told it’s nearby, but the number’s wrong” – silence was getting a little uncomfortable and the wait was eating me alive.
“No, it’s right”
“Good! Good, can you tell me where is it? Do you know this place?”
“It’s my address”
I said ‘useful’.