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Past the Point of No Return

Summary:

A non-Disney fix-it for TROS and post-canon. The plot takes off after TLJ. Kylo Ren goes to Exegol, following what he thinks is the voice of Darth Vader guiding him. There he meets Darth Sidious (formerly known as Emperor Palpatine), who seems to know the true path to the power of the dark side, and the truth to Rey's past. After a night of passion, which both Rey and Kylo feel unsure about, she finds out that she is pregnant. Kylo Ren has visions of his son as his apprentice. What will Rey do?

*Completed*

Notes:

I was absolutely gutted by TROS and it has been bothering me for months now. I've read so many fanfics trying to make it right in my head, but I always reach the end and think, "that was nice, but I know that's not what really happened." Hopefully writing this will be cathartic, but also help others who were unhappy with TROS. Ben/Kylo and Rey have come so far, and specifically Kylo/Ben has gone through such a character arc in the first two movies, they really did him dirty, he deserved more.

I appealed to my husband (a true Star Wars fan since childhood), whose fault it is I am now one of you, to help me write this story, and together we've done research and tried to be as canon-correct as possible. At first we thought bringing Palpatine back was lazy writing, but through research it made a lot of sense actually, it just needed a bit more finesse and explaining of the plot holes. Hopefully there's a little of something for everyone: plot, battle scenes, romance, smut, and a Reylo baby (significant to the plot in more ways than one). Of course, we have been influenced by a few other fantastic fanfics. We will try to upload two chapters a week (we're both still working full-time during lockdown).

It's our first time writing any kind of fanfic, so all constructive criticism, comments and kudos are more than welcome. Please, please let us know what you think!

Chapter Text

"I have brought you

That our passions may fuse and merge -

In your mind

You've already succumbed to me

Dropped all defenses" - Past the point of no return, Phantom of the Opera 


Here again, it always came back to this. His dreams always took him to this moment, his most triumphant and singularly most painful. It was a battle for the ages. Light fighting side by side with the dark, as one, as if they had trained and fought together all their lives. Ducking as the one arced their lightsaber across the other, using each other’s bodies as an extension of their own. The force flowing like blood between them. In that moment, his deepest knowledge and longing confirmed, as he had once said to Rey, “Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.” He knew in this moment that she also felt it and could no longer supress it. A flash forward and he was standing there with his hand outstretched, begging her to be by his side, but it was more than that, wasn’t it. The force was calling out to both of them as if, in that moment, rejection would have been inevitable. How could she not understand what he meant to do? His great plan for the galaxy - and he had meant what he said about letting the past die, hadn’t he? Suddenly it was as if he was watching this moment from outside time, as a spectator with little power to change the outcome, to make her understand. If only he could go back, word it differently, explain everything. But it is then and not now. And of all his powers, this is one thing he cannot control. The words ring out clearly as he says them, “Rey, I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy” He swallowed nervously, imploring her with his eyes as she incredulously whispered, tears in her eyes, “Don’t do this Ben. Please, don’t go this way!” And then, inevitably, he lost his temper with her and, along with it, the words he should have said.

Yelling at her to try and make her understand where tenderness would have worked twice as well, as he had learnt over the last couple of weeks through their force connection, growing more frequent since this fated interchange. In this moment, which he knew he could never change, he realised that he had not let the past die. That he was holding on to the Kylo Ren of past, Snoke’s Kylo who could barely reign in his temper at the best of times. But how could he be expected to be a new Kylo with his master’s voice still a whisper in his mind. Years of mental slavery, torture, invasion of privacy and never a sense of himself without Snoke at the core of his being. He wished in that moment that the years of conditioning, mentally and physically, had not still been so easy to lay grasp of in this desperately important moment. He had completed the rule of two, he heard it as clearly in this moment as when his former master had once recited it to him, “Two there should be. No more, no less. One to embody power, the other to crave it.” How many other Sith Lords had met their end at the hand of their apprentice. But this was different, he reasoned, he had not killed Snoke because of a desire or craving for power. He had killed Snoke to defend and protect Rey, the very thought of that rotting decay of flesh laying his bare fingers on his Rey triggered a revulsion so strong that he had no choice but to act. He didn’t even regret it, he had outgrown Snoke’s ambition, which was so limited in its philosophy of light and dark.

Again, like a hundred times before, he saw the rejection and the pending battle of wills ensue. He felt the struggle and the anguish of this moment every time he was brought here. As suddenly as it came, the dream ended and he sat up, his ragged breath catching in his throat, sweat streaming down his face as the words echoed around him, “You are nothing. But not to me!” The agonising emotion of the dream opened their connection. She was meditating on the floor of what looked to be her room, which he had come to know over the course of the last few weeks. Her eyes flew open as she felt his presence materialise before her,

“Can’t you see I’m busy,” she hissed, and then, unmistakeably, she felt the power of his anguish and her countenance softened, but almost imperceptibly. “Nightmares again?”  She asked.

“Yes,” he answered tersely, the pain so real to him in this moment. Damn the force for connecting them now of all times. A cosmic joke it seemed to him. They stared each other down, until at last he spoke,

“No matter how much you meditate or train, you will never be rid of me. It seems that the force has destined us to be together, willingly or not. Don’t you know how much easier, and how many lives could be spared, if you just gave in and joined the dark side? The galaxy needs order and only you and I are capable of bringing it.”

This was as close as he could ever come to repeating the fateful words from his dream, and the memory that birthed it. His pride and anger would not allow him to be vulnerable to her ever again. Rey sighed, rolling her eyes.

“This bantha dung again. You’re wasting your breath. I will never join the dark side, not for anything… or anyone. No matter what I might think of them. I saw you turn, Ben. I saw it in my vision,” she says earnestly and with an unexpected entreaty in her hazel eyes.

“And is that what keeps you going? The thought of saving me. To what end?  Why should you care about saving me when you could focus all your energy into destroying me?” he replied, the last part said in hushed, almost intimate tones. At last, it seemed he had managed to fluster her. She replied almost angrily,

“Because that is not the Jedi way. We do not destroy,” she then recited the Jedi code to him, which she undoubtedly knew he must know even better than she, “There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, only the Force.”

He looked at her mischievously and moved closer, reaching down and grabbing the underside of her wrist, “That will be your downfall, Rey. No emotion? No passion? We both know that’s not true…” At the feeling of his soft skin against hers, her pulse began to hammer. At his words, she turned away in shame, knowing that he was right. Shame turning to anger, she replied,

“Why do you torment me? Are you to be my own personal Snoke?!” At this he stumbled back in shock and the connection was severed.

Kylo was thrust back into the cold, lonely void of his chambers. He roared in anger and pain, determined not to let her words affect him. Grabbing his saber, he walked over to his desk and ordered the preparation of the training room and his favourite sparring partner. He stormed out of his chambers, force pushing any member of the First Order out of his way, although they seemed to scatter when they saw him anyway. He tried not to think overly much about his recent interaction with Rey, although he couldn’t slow his breathing. The voice of his old master almost seemed to whisper at the back of his brain, “Foolish boy!” He could almost, not quite, but almost hear the evil laughter swell in his ears. He nearly turned around to see if it was real, and then it was not. It was just an echo of the past. A past that not too long ago he had wanted to let die.