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When He Knew

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That first night, standing at Shaun's door, he felt reckless. It's the first time in a long time that he did something just for himself, something that wasn't an escape. He wasn't jumping into his art and he wasn't ignoring everything but the board and water underneath him. He was so in the moment that night, not thinking about what tomorrow would bring or what this was. All he knew in that moment was that he couldn't get Shaun's easy smile and hazy eyes out of his head, and if that meant that he was in love with another man then fuck it all because he was. He was he was he was.

His entire future had been on the other side of that door and he'd welcomed it with open arms and an open mouth, pushing Shaun up against the wall and kissing him with everything that he had.

The moment that Zach knew was the exact moment before everything started, when Shaun pushed him back against the cool sheets, staring directly into his eyes with one hand cupping Zach's cheek. 

"You're such a good person, Zach; you're always taking care of everyone." He kissed Zach softly then, ghosted his lips over to Zach's ear to whisper, "let someone take care of you for a change." And with that, Zach had fallen.

And now here he is, in Shaun's bed with Shaun's arm across him, possessive. He's trying to sleep but his mind is on rewind, reviewing everything that's happened tonight, looking for hidden meaning in all of Shaun's touches and kisses. Shaun must feel Zach's unrest because he wraps Zach in his arms and scoots closer, his firm chest pressed to Zach's back. Shaun's body all around him calms him, because Shaun is always so comforting and warm and just...Shaun. He presses a kiss to the back of Zach's neck and Zach feels Shaun's lips hesitate for a moment before moving to his ear. He whispers, and Zach feels like it's a secret, one that Shaun is excited to tell. The words are hot and faint in his ear and they relax him instantly, all the tension at once draining from his body. He interlocks his fingers with Shaun's on his hip and smiles to himself because this is real, for him and for Shaun, and it means something. Shaun lays his head back down on his own pillow and Zach can feel him relax into slumber. He lies in Shaun's arms, replaying Shaun's words over and over in his head before sleep finally takes him.

I'm falling in love with you.

He wonders when Shaun knew.

 


 

They haven't fucked yet, and already Shaun knows that he can't live without this.

Shaun has committed to memory the exact way Zach likes to be kissed and touched. When he's got Zach in his hand, Shaun thrusts his tongue into Zach's mouth, slower than the rhythm he sets with his hand. Zach likes to be touched, likes to have every inch of Shaun's skin against his. He is opening his heart and his body to Shaun, and with every kiss, every touch, Shaun feels. Feels Zach's walls coming down, feels himself slowly slipping toward love.

When Zach is aroused, his face and neck flush and his eyes get darker, bigger, searching Shaun's, asking, asking Shaun to lead him through this, to touch him kiss him love him.

He's laying against Zach, one leg thrown between the two of his, touching him and kissing him and loving him. Zach is open and warm underneath him, and after he's recovered from his climax he kisses Shaun, lets his hand creep between their bodies and take hold of Shaun's cock and Shaun knows that he can't live without this.

Shaun doesn't give Zach any direction because just this – Zach's skilled hand, his eager tongue and warm, solid form underneath Shaun – is enough. Shaun lets Zach touch him the way Zach would want to be touched, and Shaun is already so worked up that all it takes for him to come is a few strokes of his cock and Zach's tongue pushing against his.

When Shaun's breathing has returned to normal and he's lying half on top of and half against Zach, and Zach is smiling and telling him about how he remembers when Shaun taught him to surf, he knows that there's no turning back from this. He's gone, fallen and he can't get up.

Later, as Shaun tries to sleep, he can feel Zach thinking, about what he doesn't know, but he can feel it. He knows that Zach thinks entirely too much. Always about someone or something else – Cody, Jeanne, money – never himself.

Shaun said earlier that he wanted to take care of Zach, and he meant it. He encircles Zach in his arms and folds himself against Zach's warm body. He presses a kiss to Zach's neck and hesitates for a moment before telling him, because once something like that is out there, it can't be taken back. But then he remembers that this is Zach and he's in love here, and he's pretty sure Zach is, too.

He whispers it into Zach's ear and Shaun can feel the smile on Zach's face. His body instantly relaxes in Shaun's arms, like he'd been waiting all night for Shaun to say that.

Shaun smiles to himself, puts his head back on his pillow and wonders when Zach knew.