The park was almost deserted, as it should be. Rain and darkness tended to keep normal people indoors.
Rin wasn't a normal person though. He had just found that out, after years and years of not being able to fit in, not being able to belong, he finally knew why.
"Stupid old man, you should have just let me die, or be taken. Why the hell would you let yourself be killed like that? Why?" Rin felt the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, his hands tightened on the sword, trying to keep his hands from shaking. "Idiot... you stupid idiot..."
Rin doubled over, hands pushing Kurikara's hilt against his forehead. "What the hell is going on!? Why me? Why this? Just who or what am I?"
The memories started to flow. Everytime he lost his temper, everytime he got in a fight, everytime he lost control of his emotions. Even if it had been to protect someone, he had been called a demon. He really was a demon.
Then he remembered, remembered how his old man had been there for him, always stood in his corner, been by his side. He had been there to pick Rin up, to make him think. Even if he lost his temper all over again the next day, he was still there. His old man was always there... and now...
Now he was dead. He was dead all because of Rin, because of what he was, because he was a demon.
He regretted his last words to him. All those horrible, vile words. He hadn't meant them, he'd just been mad, all those secrets. Why? Why didn't he tell him? And now, he died. Those awful words were the last thing he heard Rin say. Thought Rin hated him.
"You should have just let me be taken. You shouldn't have died..." Rin said through clenched teeth, tears pouring down his face, unchecked. Like a river, they flowed, unrestrained.
As if the sky was sympathetic to his loss, the clouds poured down their water. The rain was light at first, but got heavier and heavier by the second. It didn't look like it would stop anytime soon.
Rin didn't move a muscle. He didn't care if he got wet, didn't care if he got sick. He just didn't care what happened to him anymore.
Thoughts kept running through his head. One of them stood out the most.
He was a demon, a fucking demon! All those people, every single one that had told him that... had been right. Every single one of them.
His father had known he was a demon.
Why did he protect him if he knew what Rin was?
Why hadn't he told him?
Why keep it from him?
The next few days were a blur for Rin. Everything muddled together. The pain of losing someone only got worse, the wound still bleed.
After trying to talk with his twin, Rin only felt like he was being ignored by him. After the second time of feeling like that, Rin kept to himself in his room. Food hadn't even been a thought that crossed through his mind during his isolation.
Ran through his head as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The damn tail, the tail that had popped up on that day, was a constant reminder of what he really was. The ears and teeth he could have lived with, but not the tail.
The day of the funeral dawned, brighter than Rin thought it should be. The service was quick (or was that just him?) And when it ended, he was the last one left standing at the grave. Yukio hadn't even stood next to him.
That day ended with a new goal, he was going to kill Satan. That friend his dad had told him to call had turned up, tried to kill him. Rin had screamed he wanted to kill Satan, and Mephisto had agreed to let him train. Train to be an exorcist.
Since then, Rin had been back to the cemetery several times, nobody knew he went there.
Rin stared down at the grave, words circling through his mind.
Demon, demon! Satan's spawn. Not human, not human. Demon's child.
"I needed to raise you as a human being, that's why I chose to say nothing."
The old man said that, but why keep it a secret for so long? Why?
"How ferocious! He's a demon's child!"
"But I don't want to be a demon..." Rin muttered through clenched teeth.
"I needed to raise you as a human..."
"You aren't human."
Why tell him he needed to raise Rin as human, then tell him he wasn't human? He though he was human, how can he even be a demon?
"Call me papa." Satan said with his fathers mouth.
The shudder that passed through Rin's body was full of disgust, and hate.
"I'll never call you that. Never." Rin growled out, hands tightening on the sword that hadn't left his sight. "I'm going to kill you."
Then his eyes focused back on his grave . Tears immediately flowed down his cheeks, teeth biting his lip as Rin fell to his knees.
"Why did you have to die!" Rin punched the ground before he leaned forward, his forehead on the freshly turned dirt.
Why couldn't the last few days disappear? Why couldn't everything turn out to be just a horrible nightmare? A nightmare that he could wake up from, that he could forget?
But it wouldn't. Nothing would ever be the same anymore.
"I want to be an exorcist! I'm gonna kill Satan!" Rin shouted, he felt those words ring true throughout his body. He would kill Satan, he would make him regret ever laying a hand on his old man.
End of Flashback:
Rin sat up and looked up at the night sky. He was surprised(in a detached sort of way) that it was that late already. With a grunt, he stood up and left the cemetery, not hiding the tear streaks on his face. He needed to get his stuff together. He would be on his way to learn how to kill Satan. Rin wanted to make sure he took everything that mattered, which wasn't much really.
His brother, Yukio, was the most important thing, but Yukio hadn't really been talking to him since that day. Had been reserved and distant towards Rin.
That had been another stab to the chest. A twist of the knife already in his bleeding heart.
Hope was that it was just because Yukio was still in shock by their father's death. Reality pointed to a different direction.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Don't be afraid to drop me a review! Did this chapter make sense? I wanted it a little muddled but if it's too much I'll change it.
Some words should be in bold, can't get that to happen from my phone DX.
I'll state thisagain. This fanfic will follow the anime/manga very very loosely. It will not have the exact same dialogue. Just wanted to get that out there xD.
Rin stepped out of the monastery, absent-mindedly rubbing the line of three dots on his wrist(a habit that he'd acquired a long time ago, since the first day he'd put them there), lost deep in his thoughts... memories... Memories of when they were younger, when Yukio relied on Rin to protect him, to keep the bullies away, to keep him safe.
That... that had been a long time ago. One day, Yukio, had just told him that he didn't need the protection no more. That day was the start of them being not so close. Rin hid it from their father, acted like there wasn't anything wrong, like he wasn't drowning inside. But he was. At least Yukio had still talked to him... It was funny, in a sad way. Rin had thought that nothing would change between them. They were brothers, twins, wasn't there there supposed to be a special connection between them for the rest of their lives? He'd been so incredibly wrong.
Why hadn't Yukio asked him anything? About how their old man died... about him... Why was he being so distant? He hadn't killed their father...
Rin clenched his hand tight as a thought hit him. He hadn't killed their father, but because of what he was... that was why he had died. If Rin hadn't been around him, if he'd somehow gotten far enough away like the old man had originally wanted him to do... he would still be alive.
So maybe it really was Rin's fault that he was dead.
He didn't notice that his nails had dug into the palm of his hands, didn't notice the polite replies and fake smiles that he used as he said goodbye to the monks doing chores. It was like he was on autopilot. It helped, Rin didn't want anyone to see his turmoil... He couldn't let them worry. Had to pretend everything was alright between him and Yukio. They wouldn't be able to do anything anyway. Why make them worry for that? They couldn't see anything else, he didn't need nor want them to.
"Have you seen Yukio? Or did he already leave?" Rin heard himself say as if from far away.
"He's still here, we haven't seen him around lately but he hasn't left yet."
Rin nodded, tuning out again into his thoughts, body going back to autopilot as he lost himself in his mind.
Rin snapped back as walked out the front gate, and then he waited, his hair hiding his face as he looked down at the concrete in front of him.
Maybe... Maybe... Rin cut off that thought, he shouldn't think like that. He couldn't. He still had hope that Yukio would talk to him. While he still had that small hope, he couldn't let himself think like that...
Suddenly a pink limo stopped right in front of him(almost smashing into him), startling Rin out of his thoughts. The man from the other day, Mephisto, popped out of the window.
"Rin Okumura! So nice to see you again!" The man said happily, he was completely the opposite of what he'd acted before. He had wanted to kill Rin, and now, he was acting like nothing happened.
"Where are you gonna be taking me?" Rin asked, forgoing the hello.
Mephisto got a gleam in his eye, the smirk reminding him of the other day. "Why, to True Cross Academy, of course!"
Rin blinked in surprise, making himself focus on the strange man. "What was that?" He asked. Rin must have heard wrong, it couldn't be...
"True Cross Academy." Mephisto grinned at the look on Rin's face. "You see, I am the director of True Cross Academy. Starting today, you are a student of my institution!"
Rin couldn't believe it, it wasn't possible. "Wait, but I thought..."
"Mr. Faust!Good morning!" Yukio's voice interrupted Rin. He turned, eyes wide as his brother stopped next to him.
Yukio never even glanced at Rin's direction. That... hurt. But to keep that at bay, Rin occupied himself with another question. What was with calling Mephisto Mr. Faust?
"Hello! Mr. Okumura! Now, come on children, True Cross Academy awaits!" Mephisto cried it joyfully. Next thing that Rin knew was the fact the he was sitting in the limo, next to his brother.
"Its kind of mind-blowing, huh Yukio. I mean, you know, a dufus like me getting into True Cross just like you." Rin said quietly so only his brother could hear him.
Yukio ignored him, he didn't even look his way.
Rin glanced around the ridiculous pink limo more than a little nervous and... hurt. Yukio was sitting next to him, his body shifted away from Rin. Yukio didn't say a word to his twin, just stuck his nose in that book and completely ignored him. The hurt grew the longer that Yukio stayed silent. Rin turned away, not able to look at the obvious rejection anymore. It hurt too damn much. He made sure not to let that hurt show through his mask. Once again, he shifted his thoughts to a different topic, a topic that would keep him from his negative emotions.
Why was he even going to True Cross? Wasn't he supposed to be trained to be an exorcist? What did the Academy have to do with exorcist trading?
Rin's eyes flickered over to Mephisto or , whatever the hell his name was. Who the hell, in their right mind, would make that lunatic into the Director of an Academy?
Mephisto noticed his look and gave him another of his creepy grins...
Rin pretended not to notice, hopefully his training wouldn't take long. The way things were going, he'd have his brother ignore him for years. At least if he wasn't around, he could pretend that Yukio still liked him...
Pretending was better than the emptiness that was in his heart. The sooner he killed Satan the better. He would atone for his mistakes only then.
And if he died during the fight, hopefully he killed Satan first, then all the better. He wouldn't feel so alone after that. He wouldn't feel anything.
Rin leaned his head back, keeping his eyes shut, trying to hold back the pitiful tears that had sprung up. He dug his sharp nails even deeper into his palms. The pain stopped his tears. Physical pain was better then emotional... emotional pain hurtmore than chopping off a body part. Physical pain distracted from emotional enough to get him under control. The tears never fell.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Sorry it took me a while, was a little busy this week. I took a note from Bon and started getting up early to go for a run xD. Not as early as he does but 8am is early enough for me.
"We're almost there!" Mephisto cried out joyfully into the awkward silence of the limo. He had seemed amused with the tension between the twins, even grinned out right when Yukio had ignored Rin's attempt at conversation. Rin's dislike of him only intensified. Mephisto seemed the type to enjoy watching people suffer. How he and the old man had become friends was a mystery... but then the old man hadn't really told Rin about his exorcist side. Had kept that part of himself secret from Rin. Why was the reason for it? Wouldn't telling Rin be better than keeping it a secret? Was it because of how other exorcists would react to him? Like when he'd first met Mephisto? Would they all try to kill him too? Did they know who he was? What he was? If they didn't know, Rin wasn't going to tell them. Dying or being killed was not in any way part of his plans. At least not yet.
"You'd better put on your school uniform Mr. Okumura." Mephisto said chuckling a little, almost like he could read Rin's thoughts.
Rin opened his eye's in surprise. Why hadn't he been told about the uniform earlier? What the hell were they trying to do to him?
Without a word to the purple and pink loving freak, Rin grabbed the box that Mephisto handed out to him. After ripping the top off, Rin pulled out a button up shirt, blazer, and a tie.
The sight of the tie made Rin tear up a bit. The last time he'd worn one, his old man had tied it for him.
Rin gritted his teeth and changed into the clothes and made sure to tie the tie right. He remembered exactly how to do it, the process was forever branded into his mind. He would never forget the last thing that his dad had taught him.
"Your tie tying skills are extraordinary!" Mephisto said with a spark in his eyes, making Rin start in surprise.
With a muttered 'thanks', Rin glanced out the window, trying to see where he was going to spend the next few years.
"And we're here!" Mephisto cried out in a sing-song voice that made Rin wince. The man was entirely too happy, he used the farce of joy as a mask to hide his sinister side. Rin could tell that by the glimpses he had seen. Plus he had tried to kill Rin without so much as a my bad.
The limo stopped suddenly, jarring Rin from his seat. "Try not to her into any trouble! I am technically your legal guardian." Mephisto said with a wink at Rin as Yukio climbed out of the limo with a smile and thank you for the ride to Mephisto.
As Rin began to follow him, Mephisto spoke, stopping Rin cold with the words that left his mouth.
"Watch your back, things certainly aren't how they used to be." Rin looked at him in shock. What did he mean by that? Because things were certainly not the same, not with his old man... gone. Or was he talking about Yukio? Or was it someone else?
"You should hurry, your supposed to be following your brother." Mephisto said shooing Rin out of the limo like he hadn't said anything weird earlier. The door slammed shut as soon as Rin's foot left the vehicle, and not even a moment after that, the limo was gone.
Rin couldn't help but stare after it. What did he mean?!
His life was definitely never going to be the same.
Rin looked around for Yukio. For a few panicked moments, as Rin glanced around with his eyes-the rest of his body was frozen in place, he couldn't spot him. He absolutely hated being in crowded areas, it made him feel claustrophobic and alone at the same time. Rin didn't know why it started but ever since he had been a small kid, he'd felt like that. Having so many people around only made the fact that he didn't know anyone and that he didn't have friends even more clear. Even though he was surrounded by people, Rin was completely alone.
That was how most(if not all) of his life was. He'd have people around but they never called Rin their friend. When he was young, Rin tried to make friends, he tried so hard to make people like him. Sometimes he had thought he'd even found a couple that did seem to want him as a friend. To play with him, to laugh with him, to get into innocent trouble with him.
That never lasted for long though. Eventually, they all left him alone. After so many times of it happening, he'd decided that the only friend he needed was Yukio. That he didn't really need anybody else.
But even Yukio had pulled away from Rin, said he didn't need him to to protect him. It cut Rin, his brother left him alone, had basically said that he didn't need him anymore. Sure, he had still talked to Rin but it really wasn't the same from then on. That was when the fights, the brawls that Rin had always found himself in, got worse. Rin never started them but he would always gravitate towards trouble, or maybe trouble liked to find him. Rin didn't care how, he just liked the release it gave him. He liked the physical pain, it distracted him from his loneliness, from his sad life and emotional pain.
Some punches hurt more than others, but Rin never flinched from them. He actually had a smile on his face when he fought. Rin enjoyed it, the pain was amazing, it made his heart start pumping like crazy, let him not care about anything but that moment.
Just before Rin got lost in even more past thoughts, and wishing that he could find someone to fight with, Yukio turned up. He was walking briskly towards Rin, he stopped a few feet away from Rin and extended his hand. Rin took the paper that Yukio gave him, and glanced down at it.
"That's your schedule. We're having the school entrance ceremony in a few minutes so just follow me and take a seat." Yukio said with a curt nod before taking off again.
Rin opened his mouth to thank him but closed it again. His brother didn't seem to even want to be with him let alone talk to him. With a sad sigh, Rin kept his distance but made sure not to lose sight of him as they went towards the flow of students entering a building.
Rin sat down in a random seat near the back, making sure to keep his sword in front of him, the red wrapping closed tightly. As he'd walked by people, he had thought that someone would comment on it. Most school teachers would have done just that. True Cross did nothing of the sort. Maybe they already knew he had it.
"This school is so weird." Rin commented under his breath, his eyes constantly flickering from side to side as he took it all in. When the school officials began to speak and welcome them, Rin didn't even pay attention. His eyes went from person to person. A pink haired guy to the far left, a purple and black-haired girl to the right, a bald-headed kid towards the front. Then his eyes caught sight of someone with hair he'd never really seen before a few seats ahead of him. His hair was supposed to be either a dark brown or black. The weird part was he'd bleached his hair right in the middle. Rin had seen people with bleached hair before... but why did he do it like that? It reminded Rin of a chicken, the way it was spiked up like that. Rin's eyes stayed glued on him for a while. He caught a few glimpses of a smile.
That made Rin wish he could smile like that, could be happy... But that was never going to happen. That much was obvious.
Suddenly, Yukio's voice brought him out of his amused thoughts.
Rin stared up at his brother as he spoke. He acted so... nice and kind. Why was it that he acted that way with every one else but him?
With a mental grimace, Rin slouched into his seat his thoughts taking him away from the present again.
Why was he even here? Wasn't he supposed to go train to be an exorcist? What in the world did exorcists and True Cross have to do with each other? He was supposed to go kill Satan! How was he going to learn how from here? Why hadn't anyone explained it? Did they like keeping Rin on the dark? Was this some type of sick joke?
Rin glanced down at his schedule as students flowed around him, like he was a rock and they were the river. Once again it hit him how alone he was. With a shake of his head, Rin pulled himself out of his depressing thoughts and began to walk. School wouldn't truely start for a few more days but they still had to go around and find where everything was located and talk to the teachers.
By the end of that, Rin was exasperated. First off, even before he opened his mouth, people were talking about him! He hadn't done a thing and already people avoided hom! What the hell was that all about?! Couldn't they at least wait until he actually did something?! There was a reason why he had dropped out of school in the first place, why the hell was he back in one again?! Secondly, who the hell would build an escalator in a school?! For all Rin knew, there was also an elevator or two somewhere as well!
Rin's eye twitched as he got even more frustrated. Then he saw the prices of the food. "What the hell?! Do they think I'm fucking rich?! This is ridiculous!" Rin walked away with disgust, not caring if people heard him cussing under his breath. It wasn't like they approached him before. As he stalked down a deserted hallway, something hit him. "Where the hell am I supposed to be staying?"
A bark sounded from behind Rin just then. As he looked back, Rin spotted a little white dog with a pink bow around his neck. "What the heck...?"
The little dog barked again, coming close then running away while looking back at Rin. It seemed like it wanted Rin to follow it.
"Now I'm following a dog..." Rin muttered to himself as he followed the dog out of the building. "I think I have gone nuts..."
The dog picked up the pace and Rin ran to keep up with the fast little fuzzball. He was still wondering why he was following it be the dog suddenly hopped onto a small pillar, then it turned to face Rin.
"Hello again Mr. Okumura! I hoped you enjoyed your day as much as I did." The dog spoke in Mephisto's voice.
Rin froze in shock. He had just heard the dog speak, or was that his imagination?
"I forgot to give this to you." The dog/Mephisto said, holding out a key towards Rin. " This key will take you wherever you want to go on the campus. All you have to do is put it in any key hole. Now, follow me, you're about to be late for your first day of Cram School!"
"Cram school? What the heck is that?" Rin managed to ask.
"Yes, Cram school. It's still your wish to become an exorcist, correct?" Mephisto asked. Rin could hear the smirk in his voice even though he couldn't see it on the dogs face.
"Of course it is!" Rin said, gripping the key tightly in his hand. He didn't notice that it cut through his skin. That's how tightly he had squeezed it.
"Follow me then!" Mephisto cried happily as he hopped over to the other side of the pillar. "Place the key into the lock. Your training is about to begin!"
Rin jumped over, he fell down a lot farther than he thought it had been. He landed on his feet and right in front of a door. With a deep breath, Rin reached out and placed the key into the lock...
This was why he had come. He was going to kill Satan, and get revenge for the one person that should have never died. Even with the secrets... he didn't deserve to die. Rin would make Satan pay. That was his one and only goal. Nothing else mattered anymore.
A/N:Thank you so much for reading! hope you liked the extra length of this one!
A hallway greeted Rin's eyes, long and completely empty of any other person. The high ceilings and museum-like appearance made Rin immediately nervous about walking down the hall.
"Your classroom is this way. I will stay with you for today, so just follow me." The dog/Mephisto padded ahead of Rin, heading down a ways before stopping in front of one of the many identical doors. "Here we are. Oh, before we go in, remember, never let yourself lose control over those blue flames of yours... It would be extremely... unpleasant for you."
Inside, Rin shuddered. The look that Mephisto had given him was... It left no doubt in his mind that he needed to watch himself. Mephisto wouldn't hesitate to give him away to the exorcists, or kill him if he failed. He couldn't make a single mistake, to protect himself, he had to stay in control... no one would forgive him if he slipped.
Really... he really did have no one to lean on anymore. He was completely alone.
Rin pushed the door open and took a shaky breath before stepping into the classroom. It wasn't empty, seven of his fellow students were already there. Two girls were whispering and giggling to each other on one side, a boy with a puppet bunny, another guy in the back with a grey hoodie over his head and a PSP in his hands, and finally, three guys sitting together. One of them was the rooster haired guy from before.
As soon as they heard the door, everyone turned to look at Rin. Usually Rin wouldn't have cared, but this time... one set of eyes made his face heat up.
"I'm Rin Okumura, nice to meet you." Rin said, putting his tough guy mask on. Nobody said a word as he walked over to an empty table, away from everyone else.
"Who are they?" Rin murmered under his breath and he took out a pencil and paper just to have something to do.
"They're exorcists in training, like you. They're waiting for the exorcist that is your teacher to get here, just like you." Mephisto replied, still by Rin's side. "It was nice of you to introduce yourself like that, now they know who you are. I even liked the touch of tough guy attitude. Very convincing. Too bad that blush ruined it."
"Who asked you!" Rin sputtered at the dog and then rubbed his forehead. The headache had started, and he didn't doubt that it would be worse by the end of the day. To think, it was all from the little white thing sitting next to him.
A few minutes of silence passed. It was quiet. Too quiet. Growing a little fidgety, Rin turned his head to look around the room, that was when he noticed that the guy with rooster hair was looking at him. He quickly turned away, a blush once again tingling on his cheeks. He had to admit to himself that he was a little star struck. That guys just looked so cool! Rin's blush deepend as he felt his eyes still on him.
Why was he so interested in looking at Rin? What was the guy thinking? What was his name? Did he want to be his friend?
Nah, that last bit was just Rin getting his hopes up. He'd always admired people that had that tough guy attidude. He'd even tried his best to act tough too. He'd wanted to be friends with those guys.
Sadly, no one really wanted to be his friend. Just wanted to fight him.
It had been...
Those first few times, he'd even tried again to be friends.
But after multiple failed attempts, he'd just given up. Learned that he just wasn't meant to have friendship in his life.
Through hooded eyes, Rin pretended to reach into his bag, while looking sideways at him. He didn't know why, but he really felt the like looking at the guy again.
This time, the rooster was turned away from Rin. He was talking to the baldie, and the pink haired one's that Rin vaugly remembered from the entrance ceremony. After staring at them for a few moments, Rin helt his heart speed up a bit.
Suddenly, rooster hair turned, and caught Rin's gaze. Quickly, Rin looked away, pretending like he hadn't just been a creep for a few minutes.
Just after that, he felt like sinking deep into the ground. Suddenly, he heard a chair being pushed back. Rin closed his eyes, trying to get his heart to stop beating like crazy. It wasn't rooster hair getting up and walking his way. It had to be someone else... Someone else that just needed to go use the bathroom. There was no way in hell that the guy he had just been staring at, would walk over to him. No way in hell.
"Hey." The voice shattered that illusion that Rin had been coming up with.
Slowly, Rin opened his eye's and looked at rooster hair standing right next to him. Immidietly after catching his eyes, Rin's blush deepened. He had to clear his throat to speak. "Hi..."
"Nice to meet you, Rin. My name is Ryuji Suguro." With that, he turned and headed back to his seat.
Rin couldn't help but stare after him in shock, and he was also more then a little breathless.
He had actually walked over to him to introduce himself.
Rin couldn't help but watch him a bit more before finally being able to tear his gaze away.
Ryuji... His name was Ryuji.
He had come over to him to introduce himself. No one... No one had ever done that before. Rin couldn't help but smile a little.
Just then, the door opened and someone walked in.
The smile melted away, his heart dropped. Rin couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. He blinked. Once, twice, over and over again. But nothing changed.
It was Yukio.
Yukio walked over to the front of the class, not even once glancing at Rin. "Good afternoon class. I am your instructer. My name is Yukio Okumura."
Rin's world froze.
Yukio knew?! He knew! That's why Yukio hadn't asked any questions... He knew what Rin was all along... He knew... Why did he know? Why... Why didn't Yukio ever tell him? Yukio and the old man... They were in it together... all along... And they kept it from him.. Kept him in the dark...
Rin clenched his hand, making sure to keep his own gaze locked on his desk. He didn't want to accidently meet Yukio's eyes. He didn'y know what he would do. He couldn't loose control. He could lose it. He couldn't afford to...
"Is there something the matter, Mr. Okumura?" Yukio's question, directed at him, made Rin flinch visibly.
"No, nothing." Rin mumbled, keeping his head down, and trying to make his voice sound bored instead of hurt. A few tears trickled out of the corner of his eyes, hidden from sight.
Yukio... He... He knew...
That one thought kept running around in Rin's head. Over and over, around and around.
Was that why he had stopped talking to him as much? Was that why he'd grown so distant? Was finding out that Rin was the son of Satan the reason that he had... abandoned him?
But... if that was the case... Yukio's father was also Satan. Was there something else as well? What was something that Rin had or did that Yukio didn't have or do? What was the diffrence between them? The diffrence that made Yukio treat Rin like a total stranger... not even a total stranger... Yukio would at least acknowlege a stranger... He was completly ignoring Rin like he was a stain on his shoe. Only talking to him when he absolutly had to.
The flames... Yukio didn't have the flames. Did he? He didn't have the ears or a tail... Rin would have noticed if he had those.
So it was the flames.
Rin looked down over to the dog that was sitting in the chair next to him. Mephisto had been watching him extremely closely... Almost.. Almost like he had been reading Rin's mind.
The dog shook his head and pointed over to Yukio as he was talking to the class about something that Rin hadn't been paying attention about.
Eye's widened a little as he glanced between Yukio and Mephisto.
Did he really just answer the question that Rin had asked in his mind? Or was that a complete coinsidence?
"It's easy to see what you were thinking. Your face shows everything that crosses through it. I would suggest that you never play poker, you'd lose every single time. Oh, and don't worry, no one else was paying attention to you. Additionally, they can't hear me. My words are for your ears only, so pay attention. Yukio wasn't born with your powers. With the blue flames. Shuro's been teaching him how to become an exorcist since you two were in elementary school. He's been such a prodogy, the apple in your fathers eye."
The words stung, and Rin had to hold back another flinch. Mephisto had said that to see what reaction he would have... he didn't care if it hurt. This was all a game to him.
Who even thought that this man would make a good director for a high school?
But..even though the words hurt... it was the truth. It had been a long time that Yukio that had known... He'd known since they were kids... All that time... and never once did he think that maybe just maybe, Rin should know about it?
They were supposed to be brothers. Borthers were supposed to stick to each other, to stand by each other and protect each other... They weren't supposed to keep secrets from one other... They weren't supposed to hate each other.
But Yukio did hate Rin...
Rin was sure of it now...
"Alright, let's get started." Yukio said.
That was the only thing Rin heard before he dived back into his mind, keeping a blank expression on his face during the rest of the class.
"Yukio, I need to talk to you." Rin stood infront of Yukio after class had ended. The rest of the class was still in the process of leaving, but Rin hadn't been able to stay quiet a second longer.
Yukio raised an eyebrow, eyes flickering behind him then back again. "What is it Rin?"
"Do you hate me?" The words quietly left his mouth. They would have been louder, if he hadn't lost his courage. Suddenly, he didn't want to hear the words that would be coming out of Yukio's mouth. He didn't want to hear it. "Never mind."
With that, Rin turned away, leaving the room with Mephisto right at his heels.
"That was very interesting. Why did you no longer want to hear what you already know?"
Rin clenched his hands, stopping dead in his tracks. "That's none of your damn business."
"Oh, ho! Feeling fiesty, aren't you? I'll let it slid, just this once. You should head over to your dorm, the directions are on your class list. Since you are dangerous and could lose your control, you will be living in the dorm all by yourself."
"Fine." Rin growled out, once again moving his feet.
It wasn't fine; sure, he hadn't expected anything great, but he thought that at least he wouldn't be isolated from everyone else at night. The fact that nobody really trusted him hurt. It didn't hurt as much as finding out about Yukio, or Shuro dying, but it still hurt. It was another blow, another stab.
Would they ever stop? Or would they just keep coming?
Rin took out his class list and looked for the directions to his dorm. Might as well check out the place. It wasn't like he had anything else to do.
"Hey! Wait up!"
Rin jumped. He physically jumped, he hadn't expected to hear that voice again. He looked over his shoulder and found Ryuji walking towards him, along with baldie and pinkie.
"Uh, um... what's up?" Rin stuttered a little, feeling the anger being replaced by embaressment. He suddenly wondered if the others had heard his question to his brother and then seeing him running off. Was that why they were here?
"Rin, are you alright?" Ryuji asked, planting himself a foot away from Rin.
"Huh? Oh... yeah. I'm fine..." Rin felt the blush creeping up his neck again. Damn, what was with him and blushing? So not cool!
"If you're sure, you look kinda pale." Ryuji said raising an eyebrow and sounding a little worried.
Worried? Was he really worried? How could that be? They had just met that day...
"Yeah... I'm sure." Rin gave a nervous grin, his eyes darting over to the other two that stood just behind of Ryuji.
"Oh, these two are my friends, Shima and Konekomeru, we've known each other since we were kids." Ryuji introduced them like he'd also known Rin for a while now.
Rin was completely and utterly flabbergasted, though he managed a nod in each of their directions. "Hi, nice to meet you..."
"Want to walk with us to the dorms?" Ryuji asked with an easy grin on his face, seemingly amused by Rin's confusion.
"Ah, sure?" Rin said it in more of a question then an actual answer.
"Alright, lets go." Ryuji grinned and led the way.
"Y.. yeah." Rin stammered and fell in step of him, not quite sure what to make of this new set of developments, but he was curious, and flustered enough to see where it went.
Usually, when things like this happened in the past, it had been a ruse. Something to get Rin to let his guard down. Rin didn't think this was one of those... this time it felt..
Both Shima and Konekomeru glanced at each other, exchanged grins, before they followed closely behind them.
Rin sat up with a start, his heart pounding in his chest at the dream that had been more of a flashback then a nightmare. The sight of his father... possessed by Satan, darted though his mind again. The image making his breath falter and tears gather in the corner of his eyes again.
With a shudder, he curled in on his side and let the tears run free.
Why? Why did he have to see that image every time he closed his eyes?
Why did he have to hear the last words he'd screamed at his old man? They rolled through his mind over and over. Slashing and tearing at him with each tose and turn.
After a few moments of struggling with his inner turmoil, Rin threw off his blanket. He sat up then pushed himself off the bed. With a few staggering steps, Rin headed for the hall. Afer a few minutes, he leaned up against the wall and breathed, trying to steady his heartbeat, stop the shakiness he felt going throughout his body. This was worse then that first night. Each time got harder and harder to control, to stop.
With a grunt, Rin pushed himself away from the wall and went into the bathroom that was farther then he wished it was. Good thing he had explored the empty building for the last few days, he'd gotten the layout pretty well imprinted on his mind now. Even half asleep as he was at the moment and still in the grips of that... memory.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, he made it. Rin staggered forward into the bathroom, catching himself on the sink. He barley saved himself from slamming into it. With another shaky groan, Rin stared at himself in the mirror.
His breathing had slowed down. Not by much but it was better then a few moments before. That was the only good thing. Rin's skin was pale, with sweat dripping down his face, hair soaked with it, eyes sunken and the look in them was torture. With a grimance, Rin looked down, turned on the water and spashed his face with the cold liquid. His teeth grited together as his flesh raised in goosebumps, but he did it again.
Finally, he stopped. Open eyes gazing down, water dripping from his hair and down the drain.
A sudden grin appeared on his lips.
Down the drain.
Exactly how his life had been.
Why he found it funny, Rin couldn't say. It just was. Maybe he was finally going crazy? Isn't that what happened to people? They experience too much pain and they just lose their minds?
Again, Rin shook his head, trying to clear if from the unpleasant mussings. Suddenly, the memory of what had happened a few days before flashed through his mind.
"You and the teacher have the same last name, are you two related?" Ryuji asked as the four headed down the street.
"Um, yeah. He's my twin brother..." Rin murmured, his eyes on the ground. He really didn't feel like talking about his brother at the moment.
"Wow, really? You two don't look the same!." Shima pipped up, shaking is head.
"Idiot! there's more kinds of twins then just identical twins! There's also faternal twins! Moron." Ryuji smacked Shima on the back of the head.
"Ow! Bonnnn, that hurt!" Shima rubbed to acking spot before turning back to Rin. "That must suck then! Having your twin as a teacher, harsh..."
"You have no idea." Rin stated trying to hold back a laugh at the way Shima acted, then asked something to change the topic of conversation towards a diffrent direction. "What dorm are you guys in?"
"We're staying in the male dormitory off the main campus, same as everyone else." Ryuji said with a raised eyebrow at Rin. "Are you saying you're not boarded there?"
Rin blushed. Damn, he'd stepped onto a stupid minefield without even noticing. "Uh, I was supposed to but they sort of ran out of room... so I'm in a diffrent dorm, the old male dormitory..."
"Really? I thought that place was abandoned? I went by it earlier when I was on my morning run." Ryuji said, more then a little surprise showing on on his face.
"Um, you know where it is? Do you mind telling me? I haven't actually seen it yet..." Rin asked, a blush crossing his face as the trio turned to look at his with shock.
"Where have you been?!" Three seprate voices asked in disbeleif.
"Ah... haha... I just got here this morning..." Rin replied, the blush getting even more obvious by the moment.
"Seriously?" The three sweat-dropped as the saw Rin shrug in embarassment.
"It's not my fault that I only found out I was coming to True Cross this morning..." Rin muttered under his breath, shrinking away from their disbeleiving stares.
Then they heard what he said.
"What?!" The trio voiced again, stopping dead in their tracks. "Are you serious?!"
Rin couldn't help but let another chuckle escape his lips. This time his eyes and chuckle were warm with the memory. After getting over their shock, the trio, lead by Ryuji, showed Rin his dormitory. As soon as the four saw the state it was in though...
"... It looks worse in the sunlight!" Ryuji stared wide eyed.
Rin shuddered. At least when he'd gotten inside it hadn't been as bad as the outside. Mostly dust and dirt. A few spider webs, but those didn't bother him as much as they had seemed to bother the pinkie.
"Is... is that a spider...web?" Shima stuttured as the four walked into the door that Rin had unlocked.
"Looks like it to me." Rin replied distractedly as he began making a mental list of things he needed to get done, eyes assesing the area around him.
The silence was... odd. Rin turned to look at the trio and ask what was wrong, but before he could, someone exploded.
"AHHHHHHHH! SOMETHING JUST CRAWLED ON ME! GET IT OFFFFFFFFFF! GET IT OFFFFFFF! GET! IT! OFFFFFF! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shima suddenly screamed, arms thrown in the air, and feet carrying him out of the building. Within seconds, he disapeared from their sight.
"Pft!" Rin tried holding back his laugh, but just couldn't help himself. That laugh was the first actual laugh that he'd had in a long time.
It made him feel light...
And he heard the other two chuckle with him.
That had been a first.
Rin shook his head with another chuckle before straightening up. He needed to get ready, school would start soon and even though he wished that he didn't have to go, it was part of the deal to become an exorcist.
He'd be able to see the trio.
It was odd, but he liked being with them... It felt natural, as easy as breathing.
Ryuji stood out in Rin's mind and he couldn't help but let out a little smile.
Though why his heart started beating faster at the thought of the rooster head...
That he didn't know.
Didn't know what it meant.
It wasn't bad.
Once more, Ryuji crossed his mind and his heart fluttered.
Not bad at all.
Rin sat with his back against the tree and sighed with frustration. The day had started horribly. It seemed like people went out of their way to show him how unwanted he was.
Why the hell did they even bother?
They didn't even know him!
"Stupid people." Rin muttered to himself, face scrunched in a scowl. At least he hadn't seen Yukio all day. It was bad enough that every group of girls that Rin had passed had been talking about his brother like he was the sun and stars.
Seriously. Annoying as hell.
Rin's stomach decided to growl.
That was his other problem.
Why the hell was the damn food so freaking expensive?And how could he have forgotten that little fact in the two days that he'd been busy with his dorm cleaning duties?
"I'm gonna starve to death. That's how they plan to kill me off. Death from starvation and broke-ness." Rin groaned, throwing his head back against the tree and gripping his hair in frustration.
"Broke-ness? Is that even a word?" Ryuji's voice made Rin snap his head back up.
"...it could be?" Rin muttered, the blush automatically creeping up his neck again.
Damn what was it wth him and blushing when Ryuji was around? Rin ignored the way his heart acted. Nobody would see that, but they most definatly could see his red face.
"Anyway, where's the rest of you're muskuteers?" Rin asked as he saw that the pinkie and baldie where nowhere to be seen.
"Seriously?" Ryuji asked with a raised eyebrow. "They went to go to the convinience store for some bento boxes and drinks." Ryuji replied to the question and sat himself down a few feet away from Rin.
Their shoes were almost touching. Rin couldn't help but stare at the little space left by their feet. Just a little closer and they really would be touching...
He covertly looked up to study Ryuji as the other teen rummaged through his bag for something.
"Well... there are three of you and as far as I've seen, you guys are always together. Plus you said you've known each other for a long time soooo the three muskuteers fits." Rin couldn't help but tease a little. He'd honestly not meant to call them the three muskuteers but it had slipped. Now he just had to roll with it.
Plus it was kinda fun.
He hadn't don't that for a long time now, and he knew that Ryuji would take it for what it was. He'd learned that much from hanging out on that day.
"Har har. Very funy. I'll make sure to come up with a nickname for you." Ryuji replied as he took out a bento box from his bak pack.
Now he was teasing.
"You're gonna share that?" Rin asked, his eyes torn between staring at the bento box and staring at Ryuji.
Ryuji once again raised an eyebrow, a smirk growing on his face at the look that Rin was giving him.
"Not sure if I should..." Ryuji's eyes glimmered with mischeif.
"Pleaseeee? I'll take back about you being the real life three muskuteers..." Rin pleaded, while his arm reached over to try to snatch a rice ball.
"I see that." Ryuji smirked, taking the bento back away from Rin's reach.
"Aww, come on! Pleaseeeee? I'm starving over here!" Rin rolled on his side, pretending like he had no energy. Thankfully, his stomach rumbled, giving his story that touch of authenticity.
"What do I get if I do?" Ryuji asked, eyeing Rin's prone form a little.
Rin couldn't help but feel a little happy that this time Ryuji was the one who was blushing. Rin could see that the other teen looking at him from that angle and the blush couldn't be mistaken for anything else. Then Rin just had to end up blushing too as their eyes connected, sending a flash of electricity through both their bodies. "Well, if you share your lunch, I'll promise to make you home made bento boxes for a week?"
Ryuji chuckled."Are you sure you know how too cook?"
Rin sat up fast. His face showed obvious indignation at being questioned about his cooking abilities. "Of course I know how to cook!"
Ryuji laughed. "Don't worry I'll share and you don't even have to cook me anything. You do have to wake up early and run with me though."
"What?! That's crazy! Passing up home made food and making me wake up early instead?" Rin groaned but snatched up a rice ball. This time Ryuji didn't even try to stop him. "You'll regret it. Anyway what time do you wake up for your run?" Rin took a bite of the rice ball, groaning in pleasure as the flavors hit his palate.
"Five thirty in the morning."
"What!" Rin yelled and pratically chocked as the rice went down the wrong pipe. A coughing fit later(with Ryuji pounding on his back with his hand), finally Rin managed to breath and speak. "Shit! You're crazy! Why the hell would you torture yourself like that?! Five thirty in the morning!"
Ryuji smirked, and Rin saw the look for what it was.
Karma was a bitch...
Rin once again sat in the same seat that he'd been in on that first day. Sure he'd like to join Ryuji and his friends, but he wasn't really sure if he should. They were friendly enough and talked and laughed with him, but he didn't think that he should intrude in their space. If they joined him, that was a diffrent matter entirly, but he couldn't just walk over and sit himself among them. What if they didn't want him there?
"Mr. Okumura." Yukio's voice brought Rin's attention to the door. Yukio stood there, waiting, an undecernable look on his face.
Slowly, Rin got up and headed towards his twin, stepping out side the door and Yukio stepped aside, holding the door open for him.
Once the door closed behind them, Rin leaned against the wall and waited for his brother to tell him what he wanted.
"Mephisto want's to talk to you. I'll take you to him after class."
Rin nodded to show he heard then pushed himself off the wall and went back into the classroom, making sure to stay well ahead of Yukio.
Rin sat back down on his seat and began to zone out. Soon after that, his face hit his desk, eyes closed. He wasn't asleep but he sure looked like he was to the rest of the students in the room.
The lesson was easy, but Rin was too busy with his thoughts to actually pay attention to the words that Yukio was saying. It wasn't really hard to figure out that when Yukio was the teacher, Rin didn't really give a damn about what was being taught. This time, Rin had something else to think about instead of his usual... dark and depressing contemplation. Having Yukio right there and ignore him only made his mindset worse. Thankfully, a new topic occupied his mind.
Why did Mephisto want to talk to him?
What exatly did he want?
He'd left Rin alone since that first day. In fact, all the weekend, Rin had been by himself in the dorm. Cleaning and then looking and then more cleaning and then some fixing. He'd managed to clear out the kitchen, dinning room, one of the dorm rooms and the bathroom closest to the room that Rin had chosen as his own.
The only company he had was the person that had made breakfast, and dinner... not that he'd seen much of said person. Rin didn't even know if it was a guy or a girl...
The food he/she made was amazing though. Once Rin caught a hold of him, he was going to get some pointers. There was no way that Rin wasn't going to ask about which ingrediants he'd used for the cookies Rin had found sittng on the table the other day. That secret would not stay a secret for long if Rin had any say in it. He would get that recipe, even if Rin had to beg.
With a start, Rin sat up, and looked around. The room was mostly empty, except for Ryuji and Yukio.
It had been Ryuji who had called Rin's name, if Yukio had done it, Rin would have ignored it.
"Yeah?" Rin asked a little sheepishly as Ryuji looked at him with a stern look.
"You should really pay attention in class, Rin..." Ryuji sighed before the stern look turned into a smile. "Want to come over to the dorm with Konekomaru, Shima and me? I'll help you with the homework we got assigned today."
Rin smiled, then stiffned as he heard Yukio rustling around with the things on his desk. "Sorry, Ryuji. Got some things to take care of, but I'll see you tomorrow morning... at the unholy hour of should be asleep but going for a run."
Ryuji chuckled, the look in his eyes showed that he was a bit dissapointed at not having Rin come.
Was that really what that was? Rin wondered to himself as he searched Ryuji's face for a but, trying to see if it really was that.
"Alright, I'll see you in the morning. You better be up or I'm taking that as permission to drop a bucket of ice water on you." Ryuji said, walking away. "See ya!"
"Later." Rin smiled, catching Ryuji's eye as the other teen looked back at him. With a blush, they both tore their gazes away from each other.
"Rin, we have to get going. I don't have time for you to daydream your life away."
That snapped Rin out of his happy feely moment. With a grunt, Rin scooped up his bag and walked over to Yukio and waited. Rin was definitly not going to start a conversation with Yukio. He just wanted to get it over and done with as fast as possible.
Yukio picked up a few papers, then lead Rin to the door where he placed a key in and then opened the door.
Rin walked in first since it appeared that Yukio wouldn't budge until he went through it. In silence, Yukio followed, closing the door behind him.
"Rin Okumura! I've been waiting!" Mephisto cried from behind his desk. "Yukio, you can stay there for the moment. I need to talk to you after I'm done with your dear brother."
Rin moved towards the weirdo, and stopped just behind the chair.
"Would you want to take a seat, Rin?" Mephisto motioned towards the seat with one hand while the other stayed under his chin.
"I'm fine. What is it that you need to talk to me about?" Rin responded, feeling his back prickling a little. He didn't like the fact that Yukio was still at the door watching them.
Mephisto gazed at Rin with a smirk on his face before reaching towards to top drawer on his desk.
"I forgot to tell you. Since I am technically your legal guardian, I'm obliged to give you an allowence every week. You can use it to buy food or whatever you wish. Just remember, once you run out, there will be nothing until I give you your next allowence."
Rin couldn't help but blink in surprise. That was actually something good. Now he could buy things and even make lunches for himself. Plus he'd need some new clothes soon...
"Thank you. I definitly need that." Rin coudn't help but grin. Suddenly, he thought of a question, and the perfect person to ask was right in front of him. "I was wondering... who is the person thats been cooking the food at my dorm?"
Mephisto paused a second before handing Rin an envelope. "That, my dear Okumura, is my familiar. His name is Ukobach! He loves to cook. Make sure you don't insult his cooking though, never know what he could do if that happens." He ended with a sing song voice, grin widening at the look that Rin had on his face.
"Okay..." Rin said, frowning a bit. Why would Rin ever insult a chiefs cooking? Especially when it was as good as Ukobach's was?
"You may go." Mephisto smirked again.
Rin nodded and headed out, already thinking about talking to the familiar.
"Don't forget, you can use that key I gave you to open a door straight to your dormitory!" Mephisto called as Rin passed Yukio.
"Yeah, yeah." Rin said over his shoulder before closing the door behind him. After a quick search of his pockets, Rin found the key and placed into the lock. When he opened the door, the entrence hall in his dormitory instead of Mephistio's office. With a sigh, Rin walked in, and threw the door closed behind him.
He was finally home.
Even if that home looked more like a haunted mansion then a place that someone lived in.
With quiet steps, Rin walked over to the kitchen and flicked on the lights. "Hello, um Ukobach? Are you here?"
"I just wanted to tell you thank you for making the food. Everything was delicious... and I was wondering if you minded if I used the kitchen to make lunch so that I can take that to school...?" Rin asked, letting his gaze flicker around, trying to see if you could spot the familiar.
"And I also wanted to know if you could teach me how to make those cookies you left out the other day?"
Rin turned off the lights and closed the door.
Maybe he hadn't been there? He'd try again tomorow...
What was he forgetting?
Something about tomorrow?
What was it?
"Whatever... I'll figure it out." Rin muttered outloud and trudged to his room. He just wanted to pass out. The day had been way to stressful. Being in Yukio's company for the last of it had completely ruined his mood.
He'd made a friend... his first friend.
Ryuji was a friend right?
It suddenly hit Rin.
"Damn it! Five a.m!" Rin flung himself onto his bed, dropping sword, bag and jacket, letting them fall where ever they wanted too.
Groaning, Rin burried his face into his pillow and muttered darkly. "... I'm going to die..."
"Want to come over to the dorm with Konekomaru, Shima and me? I'll help you with the homework we got assigned today."
Rin sat up in a flash. "Double damn!"
Italic and bold words didn't transfer well, I'm sorry for any confusion!
Also, this chapter is a time skip tojust after the group finds out Rin is the son of Satan.
"Why do you like getting up this early to run?" Rin asked the teen running beside him.
Ryuji grinned, his eyes lighting up with warmth. "Because its so peaceful. And the air smells great too!"
Rin nodded in agreement, even though he would never get up this early normally, it was nice. And he didn't mind it was early because Ryuji was there.
They ran, hands bumping against each other every once in a while, arms brushing together. Rin couldn't help the flush that crept up his neck, face feeling warm. The smile never left his face that day.
That memory hurt, burned. Rin couldn't believe how different his reality was now. How painful it was to recall that happy time.
That wonderful lie.
His eye's never left that face, the face that was constently in his mind, no matter how hard he tried to keep it out of his thoughts. It was just impossible. Every trick, every way to distract himself, to keep the dreams, the wishes away from that direction, failed. Every possible way to forget... the pills... the alcohol... the physical pain...
It all failed.
It was just too much.
Why was it that he fell so hard?
Head over heels.
And straight to the floor.
Even the ground didn't make him forget.
The pain only intensified.
More and more...
If he could take this much pain...
How far could he go?
How much would his mind, his body, be able to take before it crashed and burned?
How much blood would fall before enough was enough?
Or would he bleed to death?
Maybe it was time to find out.
It really was funny how he'd started to fall hard for the guy. Really hard. And he'd kept falling. Right into his arms.
And he'd even thought that the guy was falling right back.
He'd seen the heat in his eyes whenever their gaze met. It hadn't been a spark. It had been a lightning storm. A blazing forest fire. The fire only intensified with every touch, every kiss.
Ryuji's eyes sent him a 'I want to fuck the living daylights out of you' look. No, not even a look. It was like he'd already been undressing him, already seeing him nakid, imagining the things that they would be doing together.
He'd even replied with his own 'Oh yes please' eyes, feeling turned on by the strong signals that passed between them.
"I love you." Were the soft words whispered into Rin's ear.
Heart beating fast. His whole body had warmed up and exploded with happiness at those beautiful words. Word's that he'd always craved, always wanted, but never actually had til then.
"I... I love you too." His own words had expressed so much, he'd left his soul bare, exposed his throat, showing just how much he loved and trusted Ryuji. Never once had he thought that this beautiful moment would ever come for him.
Then that happened.
He'd just... he'd just wanted to protect everyone.
To protect him.
They were people he cared about.. and he didn't want them to get hurt...
Didn't want him to get hurt.
So he'd let his powers lose.
And he lost control.
And they found out.
He found out.
Now that burning blaze, that incredible heat... it was a frozen wasteland where nothing grew and he was all alone.
A single soul, forever meant to be isolated from the rest. Forever staying in pain.
A thought hit him suddenly.
If everyone already believed him to be bad, why not give them what they wanted?
Why not be exactly how they saw him as?
It wouldn't matter how he acted now. Even being as nice as he had been, after being rejected flat out by everyone like that...
It hurt. Why stay like he was, if all he ever got was pain?
If he acted tough, acted cold, he would forget his pain. They would be pushed far from his mind, hidden behind lies.
Eventually, if a lie is told enough, it would become the truth.
At least until he exploded again. Mephisto would be incredibly happy when that happened.
And if he was honest with himself, he'd say that he didn't care.
Didn't care that he would be executed.
Put to death.
He just didn't care.
Rin's eyes flickered over to his direction. Even though they didn't talk anymore, Rin couldn't help but seek him out... at least one more time.
See? The lies were already starting.
Ryuji noticed his gaze. For a second, Rin thought that blaze was back, his eyes widening a little with hope...
Maybe, just maybe?
But then, Ryuji turned away, and didn't glance in his direction again.
Rin felt the sting, and he dropped his eyes to look down at his bento box that he'd made earlier.
He didn't touch any of it after that, and his eyes hardend a little. The spark dimmed, but didn't flicker out.
At least not yet.
It was a haze, and Rin couldn't quite wake his mind up. It had been a few days since he'd last looked anyone in the eyes. Had a conversation. Even smiled. Not that anyone noticed or cared.
Maybe there was one person that actually noticed and semi-cared.
"Rin, are you alright?" Yukio's voice sounded like it was so far away even though he was just standing right infront of Rin. Mere inches apart, yet the distance seemed unfathamable to Rin. Yukio only talked to him when he wanted to rub it in that Rin had messed up.
Why was it that Yukio was accepted? Their father was the same.
Why was it only him that got left out?
Left in the shadows.
All by himself.
Out in the cold.
While they still talked to Yukio, still liked Yukio, still respected Yukio.
"Yes, I'm fine Yukio, don't worry about me." Rin replied, pushing past his brother and waved a little before he stuffed his hands back into his jacket pockets and trugged on, every step feeling heavier then the last.
He didn't stop. It wasn't that he was mad at his brother. It wasn't that at all. He just couldn't pretend anymore. He didn't feel like speaking either. Beside's it wasn't like anyone would really listen to what he had to say.
From then on, he would never open up his heart again. He just couldn't risk it. Didn't dare. Not even Yukio would be allowed in, even if he had a change of heart. Rin was done with life and letting people in. All that would ever accomplish was pain and betrayal. He didn't need more of that, he had enough of it at the moment.
Rin walked into the class room. This was the first time he'd actually been there since that first day after everyone had found out. His training with Shura had been going well, and she'd wanted him to start in the classes with the others for the week. She acted like it was a special treat and he would be happy about it.
Oh, how far was the reality from that assumption.
With quick, and quiet steps, he headed for the seat farthest away from everyone possible. He didn't want his old seat. Would never want to sit there again. Rin didn't glance up at all, just threw his bag on top of the desk and sat down, keeping his eyes on it as he looked for a few tylenol pills.
As soon as Shura had told him what would be happening, the headache had begun. Luckily, he'd taken to keeping a bottle of those pills in his bag. With practiced ease, Rin popped open the cap and took out 4 pills, two more then the recomended dosage, but if he took less, nothing would happen. It probably had to do with the fact that he really wasn't completely human so the medicine didn't work the way it was supposed to. Rin threw them into his mouth and swollowed, then closed the bottle again before tossing it back into his bag. He'd probably need to buy another bottle soon, that one was almost empty. One houndred pills, gone in less then a week. He was pretty sure if he'd been anyone else, that it would have landed him in the hospital at some point. Not that it really mattered to him. The one thing the pills did was help him, that was all he needed. Everytime his head throbbed in pain, he took some more. It didn't matter if he had already taken four an hour before. If his head hurt again, it meant that the meds had worn off, so he would take another four. Rin didn't care if he ended up taking twenty pills in a day.
They were the only thing that would.
Since it was almost empty, after cram school was done he'd stop by the store and get a few more just so that he wouldn't run out so fast next time. He couldn't live without them now, they helped too much for Rin to just stop using them.
After a few seconds, Rin placed his head on the table, and wrapped his arms around his head. He was just so tired. Sometime's he wished that he would go to sleep and never wake up again.
He heard the door open, heard footsteps walking to the desk. "Good afternoon, everyone. Today we will be..." It was Yukio.
Rin didn't even lift his head from the desk. Yukio just dronned on, asking questions, explaining area's that people needed help with and writing on the board.
Why Rin was there, he didn't know. Why couldn't Shura just given him more candle burning exercises? Or even the batting cage exercises? That would have been a better treat then... this hell hole.
Being around people that didn't care for you, that were scared of you... it was torture. People that used to be your friends, that used to actually talk to you... they were now complete and utter strangers.
Rin's heart squeezed in pain, and he had to dig his fingernails into his arm as the thought of Ryuji hit his mind. Blood welled up from the gashes, but Rin didn't notice, or care. He dug a little deeper, wanting his mind to focus on the physical pain, rather then the emotional one storming through his head.
He wanted to forget. Forget everything that happened between them. He could deal with this, could live with being alone, if he'd never began to love Ryuji... Ryuji's betrayal was the worst. It had ripped Rin's heart out and trampled it into the dirty floor.
If Rin had never felt that emotion... he wouldn't have been so broken.
Rin took out the bottle again, grabbing four more pills and swollowing those as well. The bottle was now empty, and he hoped that he didn't need any till he could buy some more.
The rest of that time, Rin just sat, staring at his desk, never once looking up or answering when Yukio called his name.
"Rin... are you alright?"
The half demon ignored it. No, it was more like he couldn't really hear it. The words never reached his brain. He knew something was said, he just didn't register what or to whom.
The sun was still visible in the sky when he finally made it outside and away from the stiffling confines of the classroom. Rin sighed with releif as he left the building, his shoulders immideatly dropped. Since he wasn't around any of them, he could finally relax from his constant tension. After rolling his shoulders a bit, Rin headed off towards the convinience store. He could techniqully use his key to get there in just a few steps but he felt like walking. Sure he was probably being watched by Shura or Yukio but he didn't care. Walking was always calming and since he wouldn't really see anyone, he could stay relitavley content with it.
As the seconds turned to minutes, and Rin observed the world through half lidded eyes, and the peace he'd thought he'd finally found, turned into something else.
The half forgotten memory stung, and the lidded eyes scrunched in pain as the scenes rolled through his mind. The same words... but different faces.
Faces that used to laugh with him...
Now those same faces scorned him.
Rin's breath hitched as he tried to control the sudden onslaught of emotions coursing through his mind, his heart squeezed painfully, making Rin reach up to his chest, fingers clenching into the shirt and skin. His nails left five marks where they pushed into his skin and shirt.
As soon as the pain started, it ended. Leaving Rin blinking at the sudden absence of anything. It had been so sudden. Had it even happened? Or had it been his imagination? Not even a faint throb echoed though his chest.
A sudden chuckle escaped through his lips.
Rin never thought that he'd ever go mad. That probability was closer then he'd ever thought possible.
His eyes dimed again, leaving nothing but darkness where the warmth had once been.
Nothing would bring that warmth back. Rin wouldn't let it.
"Rin... We need to talk." Yukio's voice cut through the fog swerling through Rin's mind.
"Hmm?" He asked non-challontly, descretly blinking his eyes. He hadn't been present, his mind completly in another world.
"The rest of the exwires have something to tell you..." Yukio said, as he shot a glance back behind him.
Once again, Rin blinked, trying to refocus his eyes over Yukios shoulder. What he saw immediatly had him lock up his emotions, and putting his cold mask on. His eyes flickered from one face to another.
He saw sorrow and regret.
It was all lies.
His eyes landed on Konekomeru. The fear and disgust in his face was obvious.
At least someone wasn't lying.
Rin's gaze once again flickered and it landed on the rooster.
He too looked sad.
He'd already showed his true self, why lie?
Why did they even try? Were they stupid enough to beleive that he would fall for it? Become their friend until they decided to hate him again?
Hate him for being who he was?
For having a father that he didn't even ask for?
The disgust spread through his body, but Rin stopped it before it reached his face.
He had come home, letting his guard down, not expecting to be ambused by people he wished he never had to see again.
Why? The only place left he had as this sancuary...
This isolation from the rest of them.
It was destroyed by their presence.
By their lies.
"Rin... We just wanted to say that..." Shiemi said. Her voice had Rin looking over at her. His eyes cold, emotionless.
Maybe he could let the hate show through, but why show them that they had damaged him that badly?
Why give them the satisfaction of knowing what they'd done to him?
"Thanks, but no thanks." Rin cut her off as she opened her mouth to talk again. The hurt immiediatly showed on her face but Rin din't care.
It was all lies anyway.
Rin turned away and started walking, leaving a shocked silence behind.
"The hell Rin! We just wanted to apologize!" Ryuji shouted.
His voice made Rin stop and slowlly turn his head around.
Rin raised his eyebrow, eyes going from face to face until they finally landed on the rooster. "What makes you think I want to hear it? You've already showed me what you think. No need to lie."
Again, shocked silence. Rin began to walk away again, up the stairs and towards his room.
Since this wasn't the sancuary any more, he'd have to find another one. Since he was being watched at all times, that didn't give him many options.
:Rin! You're back!:
Kuro's voice made the blank mask turn into a smile. Kuro, Kuro was the only one that didn't change at all. The only one that didn't care about his origin.
The ice around his heart melted a little. Only enough for the Cat Sidhe.
"Kuro, where have you been? Haven't seen you recently." Rin reached down and gently scratched the top of Kuro's head.
Rin chuckled. "Got yourself drunk, didn't you?"
:Cat Sidhe's can't get drunk, Rin!:
"But you aren't a normal Cat Sidhe, Kuro." Rin chuckled before giving Kuro's head one last scratch and then turning to his closet. He needed to get a sweater or jacket. He wasn't going to come back to the dorm for the rest of the night.
:Where are you going, Rin?: Kuro meowed, following Rin's actions with a tilt of his small head.
"I'm going to stay up on the roof tonight, and I have no intention of freezing to death." Rin replied as he found a red jacket and slipped in on.
:Can I come with you?!: Kuro began jumping around, excitedly.
"Of course, do you feel like training? We haven't done that in while." Rin took off his school shoes and put on some sneakers, then he headed towards the window.
:Oh yes! Pleaseee!: Kuro cried, jumping out the window before Rin could put his legs through.
"Watch it! You're probably still drunk!" Rin mock scolded before following the Cat Sidhe's footsteps out and up the wall, his hands fining easy purcheses.
:Cat Sidhe's can't get drunk! Hurry up, Rin! You're too slow!:
Rin snorted and pulled himself the last of the way up. "Someone's gotten conceited, haven't they?"
:It's not conceited if its the truth!:
Note: As promised, Ryuji's POV!
Amaimon had Shiemi in his grasp, and the three of them had followed after Rin even though Shura had told them to stay in the circle. They couldn't let Rin go by himself. The idiot needed to learn to trust others and rely on the fact that they would help him.
That he didn't need to be alone all the time.
Suddenly things took a turn for the worst. Amaimon kicked Shima into a tree, broke Konekomaru's arm, and he had Ryuji by the throat. Rin stood a little ways back, blood dripping from his mouth, his sword out in front of him, getting ready to draw it.
"Rin! You need to stop running into these sort of situations by yourself!" Ryuji managed to yell before he couldn't breath, the hand on his neck tightened, cutting off the rest that he was about to say. "Urghh."
"Stop! Get the hell away from them!" Then Rin drew his sword, and blue blames exploded out of his body. "You want me? So here I am!"
That moment was the only thing that Ryuji could think about. It was burned into the back of his eyelids. Every time that he closed his eyes, it was what he saw.
Life was messed up. So freaking messed up. And Ryuji was doing his level best to just completely ignore it. Sure the problem wouldn't go away but it was all he could do. He couldn't do anything else honestly, because if he did, he wasn't going to be able to control himself. To hold himself back.
Rin had lied.
He'd lied and deceived everybody. Especially him.
That broke him. Ryuji had trusted him. Trusted Rin.
And Rin had burned that trust with those flames.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
Ryuji glanced over at Rin for a few seconds. Rin looked up and for a moment, their gazes met and held.
There was hope in Rin's eyes, but Ryuji turned away from Satan's Son. Ryuji didn't see the flash of pain and hurt that showed itself on Rin's face for a brief moment. It was gone quickly, and a blank look replaced it.
All Ryuji could think of was that it had all been a damn lie.
Their love had been a lie.
Ryuji had felt an immense connection with him and he'd thought that Rin had felt the same... but it was a lie.
An utter lie.
It had to be, he had kept the fact that he was the son of Satan a secret... Rin was just using him. It was so obvious.
So painfully obvious.
"We should head to class. Yukio told us that Mephisto had something important to say." Konekomaru reminded the trio, while glancing nervously over at Rin.
Just then Rin stood up, and walked away, disappearing through the doors in the opposite direction from the classroom. Ryuji couldn't help but watch him walk away.
"Yeah, let's go."
The walk was quiet and within moment's the three of them where in the room with everyone else except Rin.
Mephisto walked in a moment later looking extremely delighted and pleased with himself. "Alright, everyone's here! There's something I figured that you should all know. It's about Rin. As you all well know, he is the son of Satan and the Grigori have decided to let him stay to train to be an Exorcist. What you don't know is that he has a time limit! Six months and he takes the test, if he does not pass it, he will be executed. Now, he has been training with Shira, but today he will be joining you in class. Rin will be monitored to see how well he has been doing and if he lets any of those pesky blue flames loose. Now, I'm sure that you all have some questions and I'm feeling mighty lenient today, so for the moment ask and I shall answer! Come now, don't be shy! I'm sure you've all been dying to know something."
"Why did Rin keep it secret on what he really was?" Konekomaru immediately asked, not even waiting to be prompted some more.
"Why did he lie?" Ryuji said a few seconds later.
"Ahh, lovely questions! Now, let me ask you a question in return before I answer. If you had been told of Rin's secret form the very beginning, what would you have done?" Mephisto smirked, obviously the question was for everyone in the room, and not just Konekomaru.
"Called you crazy and either wouldn't have believed it or tried to kill him if I were to find out that what you claimed was true." Ryuji stated and Konekomaru nodded his head in agreement.
The Director didn't even wait to see if the other exwires were going to say anything different. "Really? You would have just ended his life because of his relation to Satan? My, my! Very ambitious of you! Alright, now let me expand on my question. What if you had been the son of Satan? Would you tell people of your relationship with him? Especially if you yourself just found out, say about a week before, that you were Satan's son? Imagine that, going your whole life believing that you were a human and then one day, poof! Blue flames, ears, tail, demons appearing out of everywhere for you, and the person that you saw as your father figure told you that you were the son of Satan? That demon's were in fact real and that they were specifically attracted to you because of your who your father was?"
There was silence from everyone at those words. Mephisto's smirk could be seen by everyone at this point.
"Now imagine this. You have a brother, say a twin, and he is also the son of Satan, but there is a difference between the two of you. He didn't inherit the blue flames. While you grew up ignorant of Exorcists and demons, your twin has in fact lived with them. He knew everything that you didn't and he knew about your flames. Say that this twin of yours started to resent the fact that he was basically raised to protect you and to keep you hidden. That he was tasked with the burden of growing up fast. To him, it would seem like you were being favored by your father figure. After a while, your twin started to ignore you, give you the cold shoulder. And since you only had your twin to talk to, now you're left alone because people don't really associate with you. You've been called a demon child all of your life, and now your twin is giving you the same treatment. This is before you find out you're Satan's son, mind you. Alright, then the day you find out that you're Satan's son, Satan comes for you, and kills your father figure right in front of you."
Shiemi gave a small gasp, and Ryuji couldn't help but get a sinking feeling in his gut. He could see it now. Rin had never really talked about anything from his past, but it explained why he had been so reserved in the beginning.
There was silence.
"Oh, I almost forgot! You were at your father figures funeral and you swear revenge on Satan, then someone pops up and they tell you that they've been ordered to kill you. To keep that from happening, you tell them you want to become an Exorcist and kill Satan. They agree and off you get sent to be trained to do just that. You've also been ordered to keep it a secret by your new guardian, because if anything gets out, you would get killed. Again, I ask. Would you tell your secret?" Mephisto smirked.
"So basically, we're assholes." Shima replied, his voice sad.
"Well, I wouldn't be crass enough to be that direct, but essentially, you are correct!" Mephisto gave a laugh, amusement clear on his face."
"Why do you care what we think of Rin?" Konekomaru asked, looking scared still.
"I need him. Sane and whole. At the moment, my dear Rin is completely shattered. And that won't do, not one little bit. Afterwards, I don't care if he's sane, deranged, or even happy, but for now he need's to be on the side of sanity. You were the people that pushed him over that delicate edge, now I suggest that you fix it. Yukio will take you to his dorm after class, so make sure you follow closely! Now, I must be on my way! Lots of work to do!" With a flourish, the Director of True Cross Academy walked out of the room. The silence descended and no one spoke.
The door opened again, this time it was Rin. He didn't meet anyone's eye, just headed to the other side of the room and ignored them.
Ryuji couldn't help but watch him closely. His eyes narrowed as he saw Rin reach into his bag, pull out a bottle taking out some pills before swallowing them. What seemed like seconds after that, Rin opened the bottle again.
What have I done?
He had messed up. That's what he'd done. And he didn't know how he could fix it either. He'd crushed Rin with his words.
Sure, he had helped Rin with fixing Kurikara... but his actions after that hadn't been pretty... And then he'd ignored Rin.
And Ryuji had told Mephisto earlier that if he'd know from the start that he would have killed Rin.
Rin's not the demon... I am.
Ryuji had messed up, and now... He didn't know how he could fix it. Didn't know how to mend something that he'd undoubtedly broken beyond repair. Could it even be fixed?
Everyone else had done the same thing as him... but he should have been different. Rin had been his, they had been together. Ryuji shouldn't have abandoned Rin like that, like it had all meant nothing.
The least he should have done was talk to Rin.
But Ryuji hadn't even done that.
Ryuji glanced down at his trembling hands. He gritted his teeth. Yukio had just walked into the room and Ryuji wasn't listening to the words that were coming out of his mouth.
Yukio had abandoned Rin, just like Ryuji had. They were the same, and they should have known better.
With everything he had, Ryuji turned to look at Rin. And his heart stopped.
It stopped because the look that Rin had on his face...
It was heart breaking.
And he knew that it was his fault. He had told Rin to count on him. That he would be there for him no matter what.
His actions, his rejection had broken Rin into a million little pieces.
And Ryuji didn't think that he could fix it.
Could it go back to the way it used to be?
Would Rin even want it to?
Would he forgive them?
Ryuji didn't know, but he had to try.
"Rin, I've got something to tell you." Ryuji said, pulling on Rin arm so that they would stop walking. He waved at Shima and Konekomaru to go on ahead of them, before turning so that he faced Rin.
Already, there was a blush forming on Rin's face and Ryuji couldn't help but find it incredibly adorable. That was what he had to discuss with Rin.
And Ryuji had this feeling that Rin wouldn't reject him.
Ryuji slid his hand down Rin's arm and then gripped his hand, intertwining their hands together.
Rin hadn't rejected him. That day had been Ryuji's most precious day.
But not long after that... Ryuji had rejected Rin. And that...
That had been the worst mistake of Ryuji's life.
And to think, he had needed someone else's help to figure that out.
He really was a monster.
When class ended, Rin left first. He didn't even look back as he left through the door.
"Sir Pheles has asked me to escort you to Rin's dorm. I'm sure that you already know where he lives but the Director told me that I should go so I will. I'm not sure why he asked me to do this but we might as well head over." Yukio said looking over at the class.
"Um... Yukio..." Shiemi suddenly said, stopping everyone from rising from their seats and heading out to confront Rin.
Yukio paused on his way to the door, then turned to face her. "Yes?"
"Wh-why don't you talk to Rin? He's your br-brother so wh-why do you act so cold to him?" There was a blush on Shiemi's face, but there was also a look of determination.
For a moment, Yukio just looked at her and for a second, they all thought that he wasn't going to answer the question. "Because I hate him."
The answer shocked everyone.
"B-but!" Shiemi immediately tried to protest but Yukio shook his head and walked out of the door.
"He's definitely an asshole." Shima muttered but every one heard him.
This time, they all got up to follow behind the emotionless teacher. Soon, they reached the dorm that Rin stayed in alone. Yukio opened the door for them and let them walk in ahead of him. The hall was completley empty, they couldn't hear a thing. Yukio once again lead them, and finally, they spotted Rin. He was just standing there, head tilted to the side. He didn't even seem to notice that they were there.
"Rin... We need to talk." Surprisingly, it was Yukio who broke the silence and caught Rin's attention.
"Hmm?" Rin murmured, blinking a little. He looked like he was waking up from a dream.
"The rest of the exwires have something to tell you..." Yukio continued.
Once again, Rin blinked, trying to focus on Yukio. Then he looked over at everyone else, and his eyes grew noticiably cold. Rin looked from one person to the next, and the expression on his face gave nothing away. It stayed chillingly blank.
"Rin... We just wanted to say that..." Shiemi said. Her voice had Rin looking over at her. His eyes cold, emotionless.
"Thanks, but no thanks." Rin cut her off as she opened her mouth to talk again. The hurt immiediatly showed on her face and Rin looked like he didn't care because he turned away.
"The hell Rin?! We just wanted to apologize!" Ryuji shouted, his voice sounding mad but he wasn't mad at Rin. Ryuji was mad at himself, and he wanted Rin to just stop and listen to them. To him.
Ryuji saw Rin stop, them slowly turn towards them again.
Rin raised his eyebrow, eyes going from face to face until they finally landed Ryuji. "What makes you think I want to hear it? You've already showed me what you think. No need to lie."
Again, shocked silence. Rin began to walk away again, up the stairs and towards his room.
Nobody moved a muscle. Rin had been cold, almost cruel. That wasn't the Rin they knew, sure he'd been quiet... but it had been the shy quiet, not...cold, not cruel.
"Shit." Ryuji chenched his hand, fingers digging into hs palm. He didn't even notice that he was bleeding.
Rin had always wondered how they would react to figuring out that he was the son of Satan.
Now he wished they never would have found out. Or maybe he should have gone with his first instinct and never opened himself up. Never let himself be that vulnerable.
Because the betrayal he felt...
It wasn't worth it.
"If you're going to take Satan on, you're going to need some help."
"You've got friend's, don't forget that."
"I'm a wimp, but I've got your back."
"Rin, we're here for you!"
They only left a bitter taste in his mouth.
Kuro's voice made Rin shake off the bad thought's .
"Yes?" Rin replied, giving the Cat Sidhe a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
::Why are you sad?::
That question made Rin pause for a second, his heart constricted with pain. He couldn't breath, and he felt the tears well up from his eyes. "Because... I'm alone. I'm never going to have anyone... not with me be-being who I am... who my father is... what I can do...and the worst part... the worst part is that I th-thought that I did find someone that would stay by my side... I-I thought that I finally had someone... That someone finally loved me..." The tears fell, but Rin didn't notice them. "But I was wrong."
Another miserable day in Hell.
Would it ever end?
Would life ever be like it used to? Before everyone found out. Before people that were supposed to be his friends... got scared of even being close to him?
A butterfly flew by Rin's ear. It fluttered up. Delicate wings rising and falling in quick and elegant strokes.
It was beautiful.
In a flash, something flew by.
The butterfly disappeared. A piece of its wing floated down to the ground.
Rin walked on.
Beauty does not last.
What he'd had with Ryuji had been beautiful...
Beauty never lasts...
But how he wished it had.
Rin sat in the back corner of the classroom, ignoring the looks that everyone sent his way. It was going to be a rough day, he could already tell.
When a few days before, they had all been avoiding him like he had the plague, now they wouldn't stop looking at him.
At first he thought that they looked apologetic but that wasn't possible. There was no way that was possible. It was just his own stupid wishful thinking.
Shiemi and Ryuji both looked like they wanted to get up and walk over to him.
The glare Rin sent them stopped them short of actually getting up from their seats. They probably wanted to pretend to want to be friends so that they could rip his heart out again. No way was he going to fall for it. Not again.
Yukio walked into the room just then, a box held under his arm, bringing the attention of the exwires back to the front of the room for the time being.
"All right, today we have a few possessed statues. You all will be exposed to them. Some of you have already experienced these but it never hurts to have some practice in hardening your will against these voices. Now, for those of you that haven't had experience with them: you will be hearing your doubts, fears, and anything negative that could bring you down. You need to remember to not give into it. Usually, by damaging the statue, you defeat the demon but we're not going to be doing that part, I want you guys to learn how to defy what these statues are throwing at you. Alright, here we go." Yukio brought out a small Buddha statue from a box and placed it on the middle of his table.
It seemed to glow a dark ominous red color as soon as it left its confines.
Rin's eyes locked in it immediately and the color that surrounded it seemed to deepen even more. He could hear something now. Like whispers, coming from the statue. Rin couldn't make out what they were saying just yet, being too muddled and low, but they slowly got louder.
"No one could ever love you. The Son of Satan, inheritor of the Blue Flames... Evil incarnate, because that's the only thing you can ever be with Satan as your sire." The voice hissed, and Rin couldn't help but clench his hands together. His fingernails dug into the flesh on his palms, blood welled up from the puncture wounds and dripped to his lap where they disappeared into the dark fabric of his pants.
"You're dangerous and pathetic! You can't control yourself... Your powers... You're weak." The words seemed to boom in Rin's head. "Weak."
He could barley breath from the pressure that surrounded him, his eyes still locked on the statue. Sweat was pouring down the side of his face and instead of trying to refute those words, Rin couldn't help but agree.
"Ryuji could never really fall in love with a demon like you! You lied to him. You betrayed his trust! Acting like a human when you're one hundred percent demon! You're a liar. Liar."
Holding back a whimper, Rin tilted his head down so that his bangs would cover the tears that were surely going to escape his will power to keep them in his tear ducts. He didn't want anyone to see them. No one.
His fingers dug even deeper into the palm of his hands, Rin didn't even notice the physical pain, too wrapped up with those words. The onsloaught didn't stop though.
With each word, the pressure increased, pressing down on Rin. doubted that he was even breathing at the moment. He couldn't feel his chest rise and fall. Couldn't feel the air passing through his lips. And his heart beat might as well not be there.
"You're destined to be alone. Always alone. Everything you touch, everything you care for- you will ruin. With just your presence, you will damage everything. Everything that is around you will decay. Fester. Rot. With your touch, your presence. You are poison."
Rin took a shallow breath, swallowing the pain that threatened to escape in the form of a sob.
"Alright, remember you have to keep it from influencing your thoughts enough to physically destroy the statue." Yukio said, placing the Buddha back into the blessed box, cutting off the voice in Rin's head from anymore words.
Words that rang so true to Rin.
"Now, who heard it? Usually, they attack the most susceptible first, or someone who's defenses have been lowered enough that their words take root." Yukio continued on with the lesson.
Rin stayed quiet, hand didn't raise up. He was frozen in place, lost in the words. The tears were running down his face freely now, he hadn't been able to hold them back anymore. Yukio didn't notice Rin's distress.
But Ryuji did.
As soon as the bell rang to signal the end of the class, Rin got up from his desk and left the room. Not even a second passed by the time he'd made it out of the door.
No matter how hard he tried, Rin couldn't get those words out of his mind. They ran over and over, driving them deeper and deeper into his head, reinforcing the negative thoughts that he'd already had about himself.
He didn't want to go to that class anymore. He couldn't be around them. Around him. Maybe he'd be able to pretend to be sick? Or maybe he could ask Shura if she could go back to teaching him one on one again. Things were better when it was just him, it was depressing to think about but it was true. Being around everyone only hurt.
They were killing him. His heart just couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take it anymore.
His steps faltered a bit at his name coming from those lips.
They were soft, pressed against his own. So warm. Gentle at first, then demanding, wanting, waiting for Rin to part his mouth so that the tongue waiting behind those lips could explore. They mapped every crevice and made the temperature skyrocket around them.
Rin shook his head at that memory. It stabbed. That memory stabbed Rin's heart.
"Rin, please..." Ryuji begged.
Rin could hear the pain in the other teen's voice. His heart constricted. He reached up with one hand and pressed it to the middle of his chest, almost doubling over in pain.
"You're killing me. Just leave me alone..." Rin whispered in pain, not turning around.
The light touch on his shoulder made him jump in surprise. He hadn't been expecting it.
Rin missed being touched. He yearned for it, but he couldn't let himself get close.
Not ever again.
Rin stepped away and turned to finally look at Ryuji. He didn't know why, he should have just walked away, but he couldn't.
"Rin..." Ryuji looked distressed and ashamed. It shocked Rin for a minute. Then he tried to harden his heart.
It was just a lie. Ryuji hated him.
"Rin..." The look in Rin's eyes made Ryuji feel so incredibly worthless. He'd done that to Rin. He'd ripped Rin's trust apart like a scrape of paper, not even caring about the person he loved.
"Please... I'm so sorry, Rin. I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am. I should have never turned my back on you... Not to you of all people. I love you, Rin... and I betrayed you and I'm so sorry..." Ryuji couldn't hold back the tears.
Rin felt his own tears falling down his face and a sob working its way up his throat.
How he wanted to listen. To fall into Ryuji's arms. To open his heart again.
"Please... I never want to leave you ever again..."
Rin closed his eyes, and suddenly, there were arms wrapped around him. His eyes snapped open in shock and he wanted to pull away, to walk away, to reject the touch.
But he couldn't. Rin wanted this, he'd wanted this for so long.
"I'm sorry..." The whispered words made Rin close his eyes again and he brought his own arms up around Ryuji hesitantly. Fearfully. "I'm sorry..."
The arms that surrounded him were warm. They felt so right. So safe.
Rin wanted this. He wanted this so badly that it hurt. He'd used to have it and it had left a hole in his heart when Ryuji had pulled away. Abandoned him.
Rin missed it. He missed it, so damned much.
Missed the feeling of love. The warmth of someone's arms wrapped around him. Keeping him close. Safe.
He missed it.
"Ryuji could never love a demon like you."
The phantom voice hissed in Rin's mind again making him tense. The words burned, making those arms seem false. Rin pulled away from the hug abruptly, he turned and ran, leaving a dumbfounded Ryuji behind.
Tears threatened to escape as Rin ran, and he didn't dare let them. He just needed to leave. To get away.
Ryuji was lying.
But why did he feel like giving in? Why did his heart want him to trust? Why?
The sky had turned red and soon the stars would blink into existence as soon as the sun disappeared down to the other side of the world. Things were quiet, not even bird cries could be heard.
Rin had been sitting on the roof for a while now, just staring at his hands. He didn't know how long he'd been there, but Rin didn't think that he would be moving any time soon. Two different voices ran through his head.
One made him feel hated.
The other made him feel loved.
Which one he would believe... which one would he believe?
He'd been hurt by the second one before. The first was nothing new, it's what he personally felt about himself honestly.
Rin wanted him. Wanted to believe him. He wanted to open up so bad, he was so lonely...
But he couldn't go through it... Not again... He didn't think that he would be able to survive again if Ryuji decided to abandon him again.
To leave him.
What if Ryuji was just saying those wonderful things just to loll Rin into a false sense of security, of love, only to abandon Rin again later as some sick, twisted joke?
He'd seen that look in Ryuji's eyes...
Hate. Hate for Rin.
But... Ryuji seemed so sincere in his apology...
So regretful in the pain that he'd caused Rin...
:Rin! What are you doing out here?: Kuro's voice snapped the brooding teenager out of his thoughts.
"Kuro?" Rin focused on the Cat Sidhe that had appeared out of no where. "What are you doing here?"
Kuro ignored Rin's question and locked eyes with the half demon. :What's the matter, Rin? Why are you so sad?:
"It's nothing..." Rin couldn't keep eye contact with Kuro, and so he turned his gaze back up to the sky. He couldn't quite ignore Kuro without feeling guilty, so Rin reached a hand out and scratched the top of Kuro's head softly.
:Rin..: The tone of Kuro's voice made Rin flinch and duck his head a little.
"I... just don't think people can love me..." Rin mumbled, shutting his eyes and clenching his free hand a little. "I'm Satan's son... Nobody could possibly love me.."
For a second there was silence, and Rin thought it meant Kuro agreed with him. He didn't.
:That's stupid, Rin! Of course people love you! You aren't Satan, you're Rin!: Kuro nuzzled Rin's face and his eyes popped open in surprise. :Rin, people make mistakes. Bad mistakes. Hurtful mistakes, but if they regret them and are trying to fix what they broke... why keep them at a distance...? You're only hurting yourself if you do that..:
Rin's eyes widened in surprise.
Ryuji... Ryuji really wasn't lying... He really was sorry.
That voice startled Rin, he hadn't been expecting it. He turned his head and saw Ryuji slowly walking towards him with a sad look on his face.
For once, Rin's instinct to turn away wasn't there.
Kuro looked from one to the other, before quietly leaving. It was about time that Rin's friendship with Ryuji was replaired. And later on, their relationship as well.
Ryuji swallowed hard once he stood right in front of Rin. His eyes looked sad, almost lost. "Rin... I really am sorry... You don't... You don't know how sorry I am. I regret what I did to you... Please..." Tears started flowing down Ryuji's face and Rin's breath hitched.
"I want to be your friend again... I-I know I don't deserve to be your boyfriend but I'd want to be yours again... I know I hurt you too much to ever be anything more then just a friend... but Rin... please, I-I don't want to leave your side... Even if I only can stay your friend-" Ryuji was cut of, Rin threw himself at him, tears running down his face.
"Rin..?" Ryuji couldn't say more as a sob escaped. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Rin, pulling him close.
"P-please...Don't h-hurt me again..." Rin cried, burying his face into Ryuji's shoulder. "I-I can't do it again... I can't be alone again..." Rin wouldn't want to survive it. This time he'd almost killed himself by closing everyone off, if it happened again... No. He wouldn't survive.
"Never. Never again. I promise, Rin." Ryuji murmured into Rin's ear, arms tightening around Rin's body, keeping him close. "You're always going to have me. Always."
Ryuji was never going to let go. He would earn all of Rin's trust back. Even if it took him a life time. Never again would he abandon Rin.
A/N: Thank you so much for staying with me and reading this all the way till the end! I hope you enjoyed and liked the ending! I might do one last chapter to show Rin/Bon fluff but not sure. I'll wait to see what you guys want :). Again, I thank you all for sticking with me through all my spastic updating schedule and short chapters! Love you all!
Last chapter, thank you everyone for reading and your support! Love ya guys!
Seven Year Later:
The feeling of warm arms wrapped protectivly around him made Rin relax into their hold. It was nice having someone to lean on, to wake up next to.
For a while, he'd been hesitant because of how he'd been betrayed. But love was always a leap of faith. And he'd wanted love, had felt it even though he'd been hurt... He'd had to try, just once more.
It had been worth it. So worth it.
Rin sighed with content. It was so nice not to wake up alone, and dreading the day.
He finally had something, someone to look forward to. In the morning, the first thing he ever woke up to see was him.And the second...
He felt the arms tighten, and Rin pushed himself up so that he was able to look him in the face.
"Morning. How long have you been up?" Ryuji's usual rough voice was a little dreamy since he wasn't fully awake. The sleepy look in his eyes made Rin smile, Ryuji looked so adorable- not that Rin would say that outloud. Ryuji fancied himself the bad boy and 'adorable' wasn't supposed to be associated with his image. The half demon leaned over Ryuji and pressed a soft kiss on his lips.
Ryuji wrapped his arms lower on Rin's butt, bringing him higher, pressing him closer, deepening the kiss. Rin opened his lips, letting Ryuji take control of the kiss. His tongue explored every nook and cranny before pulling away. Both of them were breathing heavily, eyes locked on each other.
A soft smile drifted on Rin's lips and he finally answered Ryuji's earlier question. "Not long."
Ryuji grinned, and let Rin sit up. "He hasn't wo-"
The door banged open, and a little whirlwind with brown hair jumped onto the bed. Rin's other love had just arrived. "Daddy! Papa! I want pancakes!"
Both Rin and Ryuji exchanged smiles before bringing in the three year old for a group cuddle. "How does he do that?" Ryiji murmured amusedly into Rin's ear, before leaning towards their little boy and kissing him gently on his forhead.
"Pancakes! Pancakes!" Matsuri crowed in delight, moving away from them and jumping on the bed with every 'Pancakes!' that left his mouth.
"Alright, alright, Matsu! Pancakes it is." Rin smiled, reaching to grab the child, and tickling his belly.
Matsuri laughed happily, while trying to squirm away from Rin's fingers. "No, daddy! No tickles!" The boy giggled uncontrollably as Rin hoisted him up to his arms, also giving the boy a kiss on the forehead.
Matsuri giggled again, the dimples on his cheeks standing out. "Daddy, kisses!" The little boy kissed Rin on his cheek before going back to chanting for his pancakes.
With a chuckle, Ryuji got up and took Matsuri from Rin's arms, letting his hands free so Rin could go make breakfast. Rin's pancakes always turned out better then the one's Ryuji tried to make.
In the kitchen, Rin happily got to work. Every little while, he would stop to catch a glimpse of Ryuji and Matsuri playing together.
Rin was so lucky. He had his own little family. Even though Matsuri wasn't theirs by blood, he was still theirs. They loved him and he loved them. They were a family.
Just then, Ryuji walked over to Rin, wrapping his arms around Rin's waist and leaning over his back so the his chin rested on Rin's shoulder. He watched Rin pour some batter into the pan before turning his face to the side and whispering into Rin's ear. "I love you."
Rin leaned his back against Ryuji's chest, a smile on his face. "I love you too."