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Ready or Not

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They brought Kira home two days later and the real work began.

 

Settling a new baby into life at home and adjusting to their new roles as parents was at turns both easier than Derek and Emily had thought and more difficult than they had ever imagined. Those first few weeks passed by in a sleep-deprived haze. Surprisingly enough, the first of their friends to make it out for a visit to see Kira was not Penelope or JJ, it was Spencer. Kira was two weeks old when the young doctor found himself in London. Reid was unable to stop the smile stretching across his face when he cradled the small girl in his arms, after reassuring her parents that he had thoroughly washed and sanitized his hands and taken his temperature upon landing and then again right before he came over.

 

“She’s wonderful.” Reid said. “Very alert for an infant her age. You know, at this stage most babies are just now beginning to be able to focus on faces but Kira is doing remarkably well. I may be biased but I think she’ll grow up to be quite intelligent.”

 

“Who knows?” Emily chuckled. “Maybe in a few years, you’ll finally have someone who can keep up with you.”

 

“With any luck, she’ll surpass me.” He said. “The student should become the master and with parents like you, I’m sure she will.”

 

“I sure hope so.” Derek said. “Though something tells me having a genius for a godfather won’t hurt.”

 

Reid looked up, surprised. “Godfather? Me?”

 

“Unless you don’t want to.” Emily said. “But uh, Derek and I talked about it. A lot, and we’d really love it if you were, you mean so much to both of us.”

 

“Yeah.” Derek added. “Not to mention that if it weren’t for you pushing us both in the right direction, it might’ve taken me and Emily years to get our heads out of our asses and finally get together.”

 

“I think you would’ve figured it out eventually.” Reid said. “Though if I did anything to help, I’m glad.”

 

Emily and Derek exchanged a glance.

 

“So is that a yes?” She asked.

 

“I would be honored.” Reid smiled. He turned his attention back to the infant in his arms. “You hear that, Kira? I’m your godfather. Yeah! I can’t wait to teach you all about advanced mathematics and physics.”

 

“Might wanna wait till she can talk first.” Derek said, laughing. “I don’t know how much will stick at this point.”

 

“We’ll get there.” Reid replied matter-of-factly.

 

“Yeah.” Emily said, looking at Derek and smiling warmly. “I think we will.”

 

At her follow-up appointment six weeks after giving birth, Emily was given a clean bill of health. Kira’s newborn checkup produced similar results. Emily got a birth control shot in her arm good for three months and she and Derek were cleared to resume sexual activity, though as the couple found out, returning to physical intimacy was easier said than done. Their first few attempts were interrupted by Kira waking up to eat or be changed, and there were more than a couple of times that ended with one or both of them passed out asleep before the clothes ever came off. But there was something else. Whenever Emily tried to initiate sex, Derek seemed hesitant, even his kisses seemed cautious, like he was holding back. It was frustrating to say the least. It hurt, and Emily briefly wondered if their coupling had been a fluke, an illusion broken by the realities of parenthood. She felt guilty as soon as the thought crept in her head, and she shook it off. Derek loved her. She knew he loved her. Still, there was obviously something stopping him from showing her just how much he loved her, and she was determined to get to the bottom of what exactly was going through his head. 

 

The opportunity finally presented itself one evening two weeks later after they had gotten Kira down for the night. She had begun sleeping for longer stretches at night, a welcome reprieve from the two hour schedule she had been keeping since her birth. She was still sleeping in a bassinet in their room, though Emily had bought a privacy screen to put up as needed. They both knew that a child Kira’s age wouldn’t understand or even realize that anything out of the ordinary was going on, but it made the both of them feel better all the same. She set it up, ignoring the curious look Derek gave her and then walked to him, putting her arms around him and closing the distance between their bodies. Emily kissed him and though he kissed her back, she could feel Derek’s body tense. She pulled away and sighed.

 

“Okay, spill.” She said. “What’s going on?”

 

Derek frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

“This!” She said. “Every time I try to get close to you or suggest that we could have some private time, you go all stiff like the idea horrifies you or something.”

 

“It doesn’t horrify me.” He said. “I’m not stiff.”

 

“Yes you are!” Emily said. “So what is it?”

 

“Emily, come on.” Derek said. “You’re gonna wake up the baby.”

 

“Is it my body?” She asked, ignoring him. “Is it because I don’t look the same way I did before I was pregnant?”

 

“What? No!” He exclaimed, then cast a worried glance towards the bassinet. “Emily, that’s not it at all! And to tell you the truth, it kinda hurts that you think I’m that shallow.”

 

“Then what?” She said. “What is it? What’s wrong? I wanna know why you don’t want me anymore!”

 

“Emily, I do want you!” He said, taking Emily in his arms as tears threatened to spill out her eyes. “I always want you! I never stopped wanting you!”

 

“Then why don’t you wanna touch me?” She asked, her voice muffled from her face being buried in his chest. Derek gave a deep sigh.

 

“It’s not that I don’t, princess.” He said. “I- oh hell, I really screwed this up. I shoulda talked to you.”

 

Derek slowly, gently guided Emily toward the edge of the bed before taking a seat beside her. He took her hand in his and gave it an affectionate squeeze before he spoke again, looking deep into her eyes.

 

“The truth is, I’m scared.” He said.

 

“Scared?” Emily echoed. “Scared of what?”

 

“Scared of hurting you.” He said. “Emily, I watched you give birth to our child and it was the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed. But I also saw how much pain you were in and I don’t wanna do anything to cause you any more pain.”

 

“Derek.” She said, sighing. “The doctor cleared us for sex. I’m fine . I’m frustrated, but completely healed.”

 

“I know, I know.” He said. “I guess I’m just worried that if we go too fast, something’s gonna go wrong.”

 

“Okay.” She said. “So what if we took it slow? worked up to it? You always did like foreplay.”

 

“I think I could handle that.” Derek grinned.

 

Emily returned his grin with one of her own. “Yeah?” She said. “You think you’d be willing to try it now?”

 

Derek’s grin widened. “Come here, princess.”

 

Emily settled herself on the bed, with Derek cradling her from behind. She rested her back against Derek’s chest as he left a trail of kisses along her jawline, down her neck, and along her shoulders, lowering the straps of the nightgown she wore until he exposed her bare breasts. He palmed one tentatively, his thumb brushing her nipple ever so slightly. The sharp intake of breath and the way Emily arched against him was somehow even more delicious to him than the way her nipple hardened beneath his touch but all of those factors together awakened a hunger within Derek that he hadn’t allowed himself to feel for eight weeks. He shifted a little as his arousal began to build. With his free hand, Derek stroked the skin of Emily’s upper arm with his fingertips, delighting in how it raised bumps on her flesh and flooded her cheeks with color.

 

“How ya doin’ over there, princess?” He asked, his voice a low rumble in his throat. “You’re awfully quiet.”

 

“Not for lack of enjoyment.” She said. “This is the most action I’ve gotten in two months. Trust me, if it hadn’t been my idea to start slow, I’d probably jump you.”

 

“Hey now.” Derek teased. “Don’t you start rushing me, over there. I’ve got plans for you.”

 

“Well then by all means.” Emily said, her soft laughter hitching as he continued to touch her. “Don’t let me stop you…”

 

Derek chuckled and planted more kisses along her neck, nipping the sensitive skin there just enough to leave a pink mark that would fade by morning. The sensation elicited a soft moan from Emily and Derek shifted his attention to her other breast with the hand that had been stroking her arm while his other traveled lower to skim her inner thigh. He teased her for quite some time, his fingers traveling the length of her thigh but always stopping short of the one place he knew she wanted him to touch. When Derek finally did dare to go the full distance, what he found made him pause and arch his eyebrows curiously.

 

“No panties?” He asked. “You really weren’t playing around tonight, princess.”

 

“Eight weeks, Morgan.” Emily said in such a manner that he knew she was rolling her eyes. “If I wasn’t gonna get any, I was at least planning on taking care of myself, with or without you watching.”

 

“Is it weird that I think that’s kinda hot?” Derek said with a chuckle. “Maybe I should stop and let you do this.”

 

Emily groaned as Derek’s thumb found her clit and began massaging it in slow circles. “I hate you.”

 

“Oh no, you love me.” He said in a low voice. “You told me as much eight weeks ago. How’d you say it?”

 

“You know exactly how I said it.” 

 

“I know.” He said. “But I wanna hear you say it.”

 

“I said.” She hissed. Her breath seemed to catch in her throat, reacting to the way he was touching her. “That I think I could love you for the rest of my life.”

 

“What was that?” Derek asked, increasing the pace with which he stroked Emily’s clit just a heartbeat faster. “I don’t think I heard you.”

 

“I think I could love you for the rest of my life.” 

 

“Mmm, I love hearing you say that.” Derek said. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.”

 

“Oh, so that’s what gets you off?” Emily said, laughing breathlessly. “If I had known that, I would have never bothered with all the dirty talk.”

 

“No, I like the dirty talk.” He said and his breath was hot against her. “There’s just something different about it knowing that there’s love there, too.”

 

“There must be.” She said. Emily’s hand brushed against his erection and Derek found himself thickening against her. “You know, I could help you take care of that if you took your pants off.”

 

“Don’t worry about me, princess.” He said. “Right now, I want all the focus to be on you.”

 

Derek kissed her again and pulled Emily closer to him, hand traveling from her breast to her abdomen. He alternated his movements between fast and slow, not wanting to bring Emily to orgasm too quickly but also wary of leaving her unsatisfied for too long. She was dripping wet, his fingertips were coated with her arousal and Derek couldn’t help but smirk knowing there would be a considerable damp patch beneath her by the time they were through. They would probably have to change the sheets before they went to sleep but he didn’t care. All of his thoughts were centered on Emily and making the last eight weeks worthwhile.

 

“Do you wanna know what I’m gonna do after I make you come?” Derek growled.

 

Emily whimpered and nodded against him. She was already close, he could feel it in the way her muscles tightened and she ground her ass into him.

 

“I’m gonna give you a chance to calm down first.” He said, moving in time with the buck of her hips. “Then I’m gonna make myself at home between those pretty thighs of yours and taste how sweet you are.”

 

“Fuck.” She muttered under her breath.

 

“I think that’s what I missed the most.” He said. “I miss the way you taste and knowing I can get you off with just my mouth. You taste so fucking good that I never wanna stop, princes.”

 

“I think you’re the first man I’ve ever been with that actually enjoys giving oral.” She said, her sounding strained. “Probably why you’re also the only man I’ve ever been with who’s been any good at it.”

 

“Their loss is my gain.” He replied. “I’m gonna make sure I have you shaking and sweating and once I’m done, I’m gonna let you do anything you want to me.”

 

Derek didn’t know if it was his words or the way he was touching her or some combination of the two that sent Emily over the edge but moments later, a soft gasp escaped her mouth and she arched back into him, eyes closed and mouth open in a picture of pure ecstasy. A long period of silence and heavy breathing followed as Emily came down, then Derek disentangled himself and did exactly as he promised he would. It was heaven and he didn’t think he would ever get over the way Emily tasted, nor how she looked or the noises she made when she came. By the time Derek had brought her to orgasm a second time and Emily did away with his sleep pants and boxers to slide down his now aching erection, he had begun to wonder why he had felt that he had any reason to fear in the first place. When they were finished, they laid together for quite some time, trading soft kisses and whispers of love until Kira began to stir and whimper, wanting to be fed. Derek handed his daughter to Emily and spoke to her in low tones as Kira ate. He watched them, the woman he loved and the child they had created and wondered how he had gotten so lucky.

 

It happened when Kira was three months old. Emily had always known that hers and Derek’s relationship would most likely go in that direction, but never had she imagined that it would happen so soon or that she would be the one to take the next step. She had always been one to run first and ask questions later, but she couldn’t help it when she saw him like that. It was the early afternoon and Derek had just gotten Kira down for her afternoon nap. As he laid her down gently in her bassinet, Emily was overwhelmed by just how much she loved this man. He was so good at being a father, he had such a way with Kira that when she was fussy or colicky and Emily felt she was at her wits end, exhausted and frustrated, Derek would swoop in and take over, able to soothe their daughter in thirty minutes when she had been crying for hours. He would constantly offer to take over for Emily when she needed a shower or a nap. He had assumed most of the housework as it was, and he was always doing little things to remind Emily how much he loved her. He would go to the store for groceries and come back with her favorite dessert or buy her flowers just because they made him think of her. When Emily’s maternity leave ended and she spent the night before returning to Interpol sobbing in his arms over her anxiety about being away from Kira for the first time, Derek showed up at her office the next day with lunch from her favorite Indian restaurant and Kira in her carrier. Every day she spent with Derek Morgan felt brand new, yet at the same time, Emily felt like she had loved him forever. So when she saw him laying Kira down to sleep, she was overcome with emotion and the words came out before she had a chance to stop them.

 

“Marry me.”

 

Derek straightened up and looked at Emily with eyebrows raised, more amused than anything.

 

“Come again?” He asked.

 

“I- I don’t- I don’t mean-“ Emily faltered. “It doesn’t have to be now, or anytime soon, but I- I love you and I just- I want this to be forever. I want you to marry me.”

 

She had no idea what sort of ultra-bold bodysnatcher had taken over her, but Emily couldn’t bring herself to backtrack, to apologize or claim temporary insanity. Right or wrong, she meant what she said. Wordlessly, Derek held up a finger signaling for Emily to wait just a moment and moved to the nightstand on his side of the bed and opened the drawer. He took out a small black box and placed it in her hand, nodding at her to open. Inside was a ring, not overly flashy but so her that it made tears spring to her eyes. Derek chuckled.

 

“Leave it to you to surprise me and beat me to the punch on proposing.” He said. “I was gonna ask you next weekend when Sarah was visiting.”

 

“You were?” She asked.

 

“I had the whole thing planned.” He said. “Down to a speech about how we could wait as long as we needed to for you to be comfortable with making it official, but I just wanted it in writing that it would be you and me for the rest of our lives. I was gonna do dinner, wine, the whole nine yards, really make it special.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Emily said. “I had no idea.”

 

“Don’t be.” Derek said, moving in to kiss her tenderly on the forehead. “This feels more like us.”

 

“What?” Emily laughed weakly. “You trying to be sweet and romantic and me ruining it?”

 

“No,” He said. “Spontaneous, organic. Emily, I could spend my entire life telling you what you mean to me, how much I love you, but I don’t think it would mean half as much as just knowing that you feel it too and you’re just as ready as I am to do this.”

 

Now it was Emily’s turn to chuckle. “This does feel pretty right.” She said. “Just us doing what we normally do. Falling in love by accident and deciding that us being together forever the only thing that makes sense.”

 

“Exactly.” He said. “So are you gonna let me put this ring on your finger and seal the deal?”

 

“Yeah.” She said. “I mean yes. Yes. I’ll marry you. Now, later, whenever you want.”

 

“Good.” Derek said with a laugh. “Cause I don’t think the return policy for this thing lasts three months.”

 

Emily’s head snapped up. “What?”

 

“I bought it the day after Kira was born.” Derek explained. “Told myself I was crazy for doing it but I just couldn’t...I knew that no matter how long it took, I had to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re it for me, Emily. And I didn’t want to waste a single moment of the time we have together by being scared. Then when you told me that you though you could love me for the rest of your life...I don’t know, I just knew.” 

 

“I think I did too.” She said. Her voice was husky with unshed tears. “Not in so many words but...I think I knew too. I don’t know, I can’t explain it.”

 

“I don’t think it needs explained.” He said. “It just is.”

 

Derek took the ring out of the box and slid it on to the ring finger of Emily’s left hand. It was such a small moment, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things and yet so overwhelmingly important that it felt as if the world had shifted for both of them. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed for them in an instant, it was one small moment that would set them on the path towards the rest of their lives. They kissed and kissed again. Then Emily started laughing.

 

“Did we really just get engaged right now?” She asked.

 

“I think we did.” He said, laughing too. “I guess we have a few phone calls to make, princess.”

 

“I guess so.” She said. She paused. “You make me really, really happy. You know that?”

 

“I know.” He said. “And you just made me the happiest man in the entire world.”

 

They spent what felt like an obscene amount of time calling their friends and family to break the news of their engagement the rest of that afternoon. From Garcia’s squeals of excitement to the ambassador’s reserved approval, neither Derek or Emily could quell the giddiness and excitement they felt. Everything seemed a bit more beautiful to them shrouded in the happiness they felt. Even mundane, everyday tasks felt special that evening and when they fell into bed that night, exhausted and ecstatic, an overwhelming calm seemed to come over them. Their journey had been unorthodox to say the least, but both of them felt that they had finally ended up exactly where they needed to be. They were happy, happier than either of them had been in a very long time, and though their story was far from over, both Derek and Emily had a feeling that things would only get better from there on out. They’d made it out of the woods, and it was only up from there.