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Chasing Butterflies

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Chasing Butterflies

Set during song beneath the song, after Callie and the baby are fine


Chapter 1: In Which Addison Finds Her Vibrator


Of all the sights Meredith would see in her life, the one she never expected to see is THE Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery, legs wide and eyes closed her hand moving between her thighs as she moaned. Her feet were propped up on her desk and she was laying back in her armchair hair splayed out every which way. And inside of her right hand is a butterfly vibrator. 


It is pulsing in and out of her wither her hand. It is thick at the tip inside of her with the butterfly wings and antennae which are stimulating her clit and making her moan.


Addison didn't see Meredith because her eyes are fluttered shut and she's groaning and humming out loud. Meredith listens to hear if it's a name she recognizes but it isn't, it's just whimpers of "oh god" and "closer" and "more. 


Addison is teasing her breasts with her hand underneath her shirt and she's pinching her nipples now and rolling her areolas in her palm. And Meredith watches. She just stands there knowing that if she walks in then Addison will see her and if she walks out then Addison will watch her leave so she's stuck.


Stuck in front of an orgasming Addison as the redhead clutches the chair with her left hand and jams the toy inside of her with her right. She cries mhhmmfff loudly as the heat moves all across her body and the pleasure waves wash over her. 


She milks her aftershocks, decreasing the vibration as she takes every ounce of release that the buildup can give her. She's still panting breathing ragged; she continues till the hypersensitivity forces her to shut off the vibrator and stay there, still as the heat from the motor warms her thighs.


And Meredith is just standing there awestruck, mouth slightly agape as she watches the redhead restart the motor again already ready to go again - ALREADY! 


Meredith feels hot under the collar now as she watches Addison tease her inner folds with her fingers and lick them to get them wet. 


That's when Meredith realizes SHE's wet also. 


That underneath her pants Meredith Grey's underwear is slick with arousal and a blush is creeping across her thighs. An arousal that was so thick she was weak at the knees and trembling at her core. 


Meredith has had her flings with women before but never with the forbidden fruit ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY - Formerly Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd that used to be married to her current boyfriend and was estranged from Derek when Meredith met her Addison. While Meredith was dating Derek while he was still married to Addison. Which he conveniently forgot to mention.


So Meredith wasn’t just going to go bang her boyfriend’s former ex-wife - the She-Shepherd - Pure Satan - Ruler of All - Mrs. McDreamy - Addison Adrianne Forbes - Montgomery - Now is she??


Because that would be really and totally wrong, right?


For Meredith to cheat on McDreamy to go mack up on McHot?


But even if she did (and Meredith’s not saying that she WILL, just hypothetically if she DID), then-


Would it come as some sort of revenge to Derek for almost dying or for driving too fast or for being mean to her or dare she admit being mean to Addie all those years ago. Because she never let herself care about that particular fact until about just now. 


That Addison had been in pain too and that she had been partly the cause. She never had any pity for anyone who had their hands on HER McDreamy before. 


But here she was, Dr. Meredith Grey with a striking urge to have her own hands wander over her body as her pants now felt too restrictive and sticky and she can see Addie now, head thrown back and toes curling on the blink of another toss into oblivion. 






She's never called the redhead that nickname in her whole life and here she is thinking it to herself. No less with the redhead half naked in front of her. 


And she can't stop but stare at how beautiful Addison's breasts are. She's never seen them bare without a shirt or a bra but now Addison has removed those items of clothing to give herself better access to her stiffened nipples. 


She's thought before or more Alex Karev has and has mentioned to her that McSlut's boobs were super tantalizing. As has been established before, Meredith Grey has seen her share of bare breasts but none of them can beat Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery's rack. 


No sir, not any day of the week and Meredith has to quell this overwhelming urge she has to walk into the room and touch them for herself. 


She realizes her thoughts are getting more dangerous just as Addison shucks her pants and panties off and runs her fingers all over her long legs and thighs. Her legs go on for miles. Addison is almost six feet tall and it has always given her some girl-on-girl vibes. 






How long has Meredith thought these thoughts anyways Meredith curses inwardly at herself.


Back when Addison was staying in Seattle she couldn't admit to herself just how many times she had taken the trek all the way out to Derek Shepherd's trailer to "see doc" just so she could stare at the hot She-Shepard's luscious curves. 


She figures that once Derek had picked her that it couldn't have hurt anyone to have these fantasies about his ex-wife and it couldn't hurt anyone that she thought Addison's milky skin would taste delectably sweet on the edge of her collarbone.


Of course, she never shared these thoughts aloud, not to She-Sheppard, not to He-Sheppard, not even to her dearest friend Cristina Yang because what the hell would Cristina do with knowing about these clearly obsessive compulsions. 


Cristina would probably have said she was transferring some sort of mommy issues or something shrinks like that before they shared another bottle of tequila. 


Meredith sighs loudly at her own inner conflict and her own eyes are shut so she doesn't see as Addison's eyes snap up to Meredith's in alarm. 


Addison wants to scream at the intern in front of her right now but she's so close to coming for a third time that it comes out as more of a very loud moan of "MEREDITH!" as she comes undone and her eyes flutter shut once more.



Chapter Text

Chapter 2: In Which Meredith Finds Her Fight


Well, that sure got Grey's attention. Her own eyes snap open at the shocked expression on Addison's face as she brings her left hand up to cover her mouth after the atrocity that is the intern's name was just shouted from it and she uses her right hand to shut off the whirring vibrator and to quickly dismount her legs from her desk table. 


She pulls the toy out of herself and proceeds to lay it on a napkin before struggling to find her panties which were earlier flicked across the room and stumbles grabbing her pants with her left hand which she would put on if she could just find her god damned panties in this place. 


How her office had become so filled with chaotic clothing she had no idea but it was HER office, not Grey's she reminded herself and for what it was worth, the brunette really should have shut the door behind her ages ago when she first wandered by the hall.


How long had she been lurking their good god Addison flushed to think? She had just had a marathon masturbation session in her workplace with her newly acquired vibrator courtesy of Charlotte King's new sexology practice and she wanted to try it out but it was hell to believe that now her ex-husband’s ex-mistress has been lurking and looking at her stark naked from the doorway as she did. 


As she did herself, god, she really was the slut that everyone thought she was. And the most terrifying thought among all of it is that part of her isn't so sure she minded. 


Maybe she liked that Meredith had been watching and maybe it made her hot and bothered all over again to realize that a cute girl who had obviously  blown her ex husband's mind in bed was now staring at her open-mouthed with a look on her face of what - curiosity? Lust? Possibility?


Meredith licked her lips subconsciously when she opened her eyes again and saw Addison staring back, now clothed, with a predatory sort of glare. Like she wanted to rip Meredith's clothes to shreds and she wanted to eat her out on her desktop and make her scream out her name. 


And Meredith isn't sure she's at all strong enough to resist this enticing propositioning finger that's motioning her now in a come-hither motion from Addison as she looks up at Meredith's eyes and then raises her eyebrows as she nods towards her desk. 


"I think you owe me an explanation, Doctor Grey" she finally speaks as she allows Meredith to sit down on top of her desk now, swirling her legs so they fall off the edge right in front of Addison's face. 


"How long have you been standing there outside my office" Addison demands to be answered as she circles Meredith's calf with her right hand. 


"W-Well I-" Meredith stutters as she tries to form a coherent sentence and fails miserably. 


Addison moves her hand high up by Meredith’s thigh now as Meredith starts again to explain to Addison that she was “going to stop by to check on how Callie was doing” to which Addison actually laughs and says “Grey if you wanted to check up on Callie why didn’t you go check on Callie. 


It’s not even meant to be snarky but Meredith bites back her excuses as Addison reaches her hand higher to Meredith’s hip now and she starts moving her other hand to the left calf and starts trailing both hands upwards.


“So you come to me for no particular reason to my office where you have never been in your entire life and when you see me with my pants down you just stop and stare? Addison says incredulously as she swirls both of her hands up to Meredith’s thighs now and she’s certain she’s going to combust any minute now once Addison starts moving her hands up to her hips and to her waist. 


Meredith can’t help but release a pleased hum as Addison warms her sides and she closes her eyes just for a second to enjoy the soft touches she craves, She’s missed this- the woman part, the contact, the bittersweet nothings that the redhead keeps muttering into her ear. 


“What can I say, Dr. Montgomery?” Meredith sighs. “I wanted to see what Satan would look like when she was moaning out my name” she smirks, getting her game back. 


Addison’s eyes spark in fury at Meredith’s mention of her misguided outcry that was meant to be a cry of rage that just so happened to have - 












Which she would explain to Meredith right now “That was not for you that was not about you I was simply yelling at you for interrupting me and it just so happened that while I started yelling at you that I reached climax and therefore it came out of my mouth as slightly more of a moan than I would have liked but It was pure coincidence so you don’t have to think about putting any more weight on that fact than you already did” she said pointedly as she squeezed her hands gently into Meredith’s sides. 


“Oh but Doctor Montgomery” Meredith smiles with a smirk. 


“I’m thinking about it even more now that you mention it” Meredith teases with an arched eyebrow combined with puppy dog eyes. 


The combination is breaking Addison’s resolve very quickly as she stares into those pretty eyes and she imagines again the big WHY that she has been wondering for years on end. 


The “why on earth would Derek ever leave her to go screw a scrawny dirty blonde haired intern that he met one night at Emerald City Bar during his first ever sleepless night in Seattle?”. 


She thought she understood before today, several times actually. Such as when the young Intern had her hand on that bomb in the body cavity and she was scared senseless and she couldn’t figure out why the hell she cared.


Or when she nearly drowned six feet under in the sound and Addison stared at her frozen lifeless body and shivered at the thought that she might never see that sweet little smile ever again. Or when Meredith summoned her and screeched 


“Addison! Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd!”, bellowing from her hospital bed and they had the very first real conversation ever. And that’s when she admitted she didn’t hate Meredith. 


That she never did. 


And when Meredith asked her why they never talked like this before and she said it was only because Meredith wouldn’t remember one word of this when the drugs wore off. 


And for some extremely stupid reason, she somehow kept wishing that despite all the morphine and the medecine that Meredith had to this day, in fact remembered and clung to every word they both said.


And as Addison trails her hands upwards to Meredith’s waist it isn’t lost on the intern to notice the flickers of sadness and soothing compassion and sincerity in the older woman’s eyes before she sobered up and wiped them forcefully from her face.


 Meredith really was a little tease with those slight curls in her wispy hair and delicate fingers on her tiny ineffectual fists. 


She was kidding herself if she wanted to think she’s not just a little tempted by the woman who broke up her marriage years ago and who stole HER McDREAMY Might she remind herself. 


Oh but who was Addison kidding. 


Addison’s hands were roaming towards Meredith’s breasts now and she paused and opened her eyes and glanced up before moving more. 


Sure she wanted to fuck the woman in front of her senseless right now if only to teach her a proper lesson to stop snooping by people’s offices at unwanted hours of the day. 


But Addison is an adult and she still realizes she’s an Attending and Meredith is a Resident and she’s less scared of what H.R will think and more afraid that she could become one of those despicable people that takes advantage of her subordinates at work and forces them into situations that are inappropriate and uncomfortable for her own gain. 


Addison is a charmer and a looker and she’s fierce, yes. But seduction is still about having a damn moral compass and she isn’t going to treat Meredith like a trashy “the help” situation and take her by force unless it was at least consensual. 


So she paused and stared right into Meredith Grey’s eyes with both her eyebrows arched. 


“Shall I continue Grey?” she asks in a serious tone. 


“I didn’t think you were asking,” Meredith says a bit dumbly, feeling frustrated that Addison’s hands have stopped roaming all over her when she’s not sexually satisfied. “


I’m not asking. 


I'm propositioning you. 


For sex. 


With me. 


Right here. 


Right now. 


Doing it on my desk. 


In my Office.


The office I still save in Seattle for these trips I take from time to time. 


So yes Grey, I’m not asking I’m offering to fuck you because believe me, Alex, Mark and Derek and I may not have worked out for our own reasons but even they all would still say to this day that I am quite the beast in bed and that I can make it worth your while” she says flatly as Meredith simply stares at her dumbly again.


“But you do have to say it. 


Because I am still your boss in some sort and position of power and blah blah. 


I’m a whore and you’re a whore and I'm a slut and you’re a slut but simply being an adulterous bitch doesn’t mean my morals kick in drawing the line at doing sexual things for my students without having their permission first. 


Because even if I do prefer to be called the “Ruler of All that is Evil” and my ex-husband still insists that if there were a land that was called “Passive-Aggressiva” that I would be their queen then I still wouldn’t do something so tasteless as to take away something from someone when I didn’t have their consent or permission. 


So you have to decide Meredith, decide right now if you want what’s behind door number one which is you walk away now and never tell anyone what you just saw and or heard no hard feelings between us. 


Or behind door number two is me, screwing you senseless and that can stay part of the secrets that are only shared between the two of us until the day we die”. 


“Decide between door number one and door number two or I walk, Final offer” declares Addison gazing intently at Meredith’s expression. 


And who was she to know she'd be bested by her own game with Dr. Meredith Grey greeting her offer of doors not traveled to lean into her ear and whisper “Behind door number three, you do me, yes. And I get to have you next” she smirks.


And that’s the last thing Addison hears before Meredith bites her earlobe and it’s on in open season for the both of them.



Chapter Text


Chapter 3: In Which Addison Spells Trouble


Meredith runs her hands through Addison’s hair and twirls the red locks around her fingers as she smiles seductively down at the Attending who is still seated in her office chair. 

Addison moans involuntarily when Meredith tugs on a fistful of her hair and Addison her head back gently to give Meredith greater access to her neck. 

Meredith peppers it with closed-mouth kisses starting from the ear to the jawline, nuzzling Addison’s cheek with her nose as she moves to the side of Addison’s neck before peppering that with closed mouth kisses too. 

Addison whines unintelligibly for Meredith to use her tongue there already as Meredith’s hands move down to Addison’s shoulders, pulling Addison in with a squeak from the chair as it's rolling its way over the rug underneath it. 


The sound sobers Addison immediately as she remembers this is supposed to be about teaching the blonde a little lesson or two. So she takes control of the process now as she feels all the way up to Meredith’s shoulders. 

Even with the armchair already raised to the maximum degree so they’re practically at eyesight now, Addison is slightly higher than Meredith. 

She’s tall, very tall and her arms reach all the way round to Meredith’s neck as she allows the pads of her fingers to grace the sides of Meredith’s bare skin until she reaches the shoulders, then the neck and finally the back of the earlobes which she rubs in between her fingertips in a circular rhythm. 

The reaching pulls Addison’s neck out of reach for Meredith now as the blonde leans into Addison and runs her hands down the redhead’s spectacular body.


Addison has always had an exceptional form from her running and her walking and her gulping down of green juice and the ripples of Addison’s abdominals at her sides are not lost on the Grey girl as she felt the abs tense and release as she teased her fingertips upon them. 

Addison leans into Meredith now and plants the open-mouthed kisses that Meredith failed to offer her onto the side of Meredith’s smooth neck. 

The warm contact makes Meredith sigh and says “oh” and her body betrays her because Meredith is moaning now, she’s making Addison want to keep on adding the swirl of her tongue and the suction of her lips as she assaults all of Meredith’s sensitive skin. 

She nips a little here and there until she finds the spot where Meredith’s carotid artery must pass through because she can feel the pulse of Meredith’s heartbeats speed up and beat harder and harder as she applies more and more pressure there.


Before moving onwards to the other side of Meredith’s neck, Addison opens her mouth wide and bites Meredith on the neck causing Meredith to pull on her hair even harder and bury all of her fingernails right into Addison’s scalp. 

Addison leaves even more delicious trails with her tongue as she passes by the front of Meredith’s neck, tilting Meredith’s head towards the sky and nibbling right underneath Meredith’s jawline. 

She sucks a sensitive spot on the other side of Meredith’s neck before suckling it between her teeth and her lips as Meredith groans out “harder- Harder Addison” and Addison is delighted to comply. 

She breaks through the skin a little bit with the bite marks and Meredith is still moaning for her to give her more when Addison sucks the skin into her lips and releases it all red, leaving a huge hickey marking Meredith now for everyone to see. 

“Oh, my, my, Meredith you’ve been a bad, bad girlfriend what on earth are you going to tell your Derek now when he finds all of these marks all over you when he’s with you in bed” 

Addison growls at the blonde before continuing to put her mouth on Meredith’s ear and sucking on it before she nibbles the earlobe and Meredith squeaks at how much pleasure she’s experiencing out of Addison’s ministrations.


The intern never answers any of Addison’s questions, preferring not to think of anything later than now and thinking that now she really needs to feel more of Addison’s mouth on the back of her neck because the hot breaths that Addison is purposely exhaling in that direction are sending shivers down her spine and giving her goosebumps all over her body. 

The tremble of Meredith’s body under Addison’s fingers causes her to purr audibly as she stands so she can reach her lips around to latch onto the back of Meredith’s neck. She licks the back of Meredith’s neck so the cold air makes Meredith shiver again. 

Then she bites all over it hard enough to leave teeth marks before soothing over the area with her tongue. Addison is holding onto Meredith’s shoulders now and squeezing into her arms as Meredith’s eyes are squeezed shut and her mouth is open wide and she’s panting.


Addison takes this as an opportunity to tug Meredith towards her by the collars of her white coat before dodging Meredith’s lips and going right for the jugular again to kiss the now cold part of the front of Meredith’s neck where the bruise has been clearly developing for all to see. 

She sucks on it again for good measure to bring out the brightness in the color. Meredith moans even louder than the first time when she does that and Addison laughs out loud at her reaction. “I guess you’re into that huh” she questions as Meredith nods her head dumbly and fumbles to reach out to touch Addison’s body again. 

Her hands land at Addison’s sides again and she can’t help but hold on tighter to the taller woman’s waist to bring her back closer to Meredith’s body.


“Bet your boobs are wanting some of this attention, hey” Addison predicts successfully as she roams her hands all over the younger woman’s body until she lands on the blonde woman’s breasts. She gropes them hungrily and winnows the nipples between her index fingers and her thumbs. 

Meredith moves her hands to cover Addison’s to press them even closer to her chest.  She moves her hands and Addison’s in rhythm as she teases her nipples and strokes Addison’s hands all over her front. 

Addison brings her lips right over Meredith’s shirt and suckles the nipples up over the fabric making Meredith run her hands over Addison’s neck. 

Addison reaches her hands up under Meredith’s shirt top now and she runs her hands on the flat panes of Meredith’s stomach. 

She relishes the warmth and teases her fingertips downwards making Meredith squirm as she moves past the belly button 


And now she’s grazing her fingertips just too high to touch the tips of Meredith’s bathing suit area as she purposefully teases her before going back to working her hand into the inside of Meredith Grey’s bra cups. 

She feels skin touch skin on Meredith’s erect nipples and moans aloud at how good they feel to her inside of her palms. 

She lets the weight of her hands rest on top of them and squeezes them gently as she moves to nip and suck on Meredith’s shoulders. 

She decides that she really likes the taste of the blonde girl’s collarbone as she steadies herself there, swirling her tongue around it and nipping and sucking the skin to the bone until she lets herself bite it to see the way that her teeth would imprint into Meredith’s skin. 

Meredith grabs onto Addison’s wrists and makes them move so she can feel the stimulation over her skin. 

Eventually, Addison can’t take it anymore; she’s hot and she’s horny and Meredith is hot and she’s horny and it’s hot in here for sure. But it still doesn’t mean that Addison fails to think that it’s time for the two of them to be ripping some more of the blonde’s clothes off.


“Up” Addison insists and she’s finally tugging Meredith’s white coat off of her and in a way that is just so Addison she actually takes the coat and hangs it up by her own on the coat rack that is behind them. 

“Can’t let that get wrinkly” Addison insists and Meredith must think that that is the most absurd thing anyone has ever said to her in bed - ever - despite the pair of them not even technically being in bed right now but still, only Addison would think to hang up someone’s clothing as she’s trying to take all of their clothes off. 

Addison doesn’t continue hanging up anything more of Meredith’s, explaining that “scrubs go in the central wash anyhow, your bra can sit on the doorknob where it landed when I tossed it across my office, screwing you clearly outweighs the need for your socks to be tidy and your panties are long past ruined now anyhow” and somehow, along the way all of this made sense to someone somewhere.


Because the only thought that made any sort of sense right here right now is that Meredith Grey is really really naked right now right and she’s hot and ready and willing and she is sitting right in front of Addison Montgomery’s face.



Chapter Text

Chapter 4: In Which We Find Release


“You know, somehow I always thought you were going to screw me over ever since that first day you worked here and you requested me specifically as your intern” Meredith muses. 

“Although, I admit that I really didn’t think it would be this literal” she squeaks out between moans as Addison runs her hands all up and down Meredith’s naked body. 

Meredith grins mischievously as Addison strokes her bare breasts with her hands and dives right in to devour her nipples. 

Addison sucks them right into her mouth, opens wide and suckles while swirling her tongue all over the sensitive skin. 

“Oh, Addison…” Meredith moans. 

“You- you sure know exactly what you’re doing” she gasps as Addison switches to Meredith’s other breast. 

Addison doesn’t reply and Meredith forgets to ask again as Addison takes in as much of Meredith’s breast into her lips as she can and kisses it whole and Meredith feels a little like she’s drowning all over again.


Idly, Addison wonders if Derek had ever given Meredith’s breasts a second thought, whether he had treated the blonde to the ministrations she was demonstrating she knew how or whether he just grazed over them without another thought. 

That was the way Derek had been when he was with her. 

He was greedy and selfish and she still loved him back then. 

But she was never really sexually satisfied when she was with him and that is something she’s never said aloud to anyone. 


Not even to Naomi though Mark Sloan might have figured that one out for himself not too long ago. 

And in her deepness of thought as she holds Meredith by the waist now and traces downwards to her navel with her tongue she has a terribly selfish sort of thought. 

The thought that she’s somehow hoping that Meredith hasn’t even had really REALLY good sex yet at all and that Addison was going to be the one to finally show her what sex was supposed to feel like.


Meredith has begun to buck her hips into thin air now as she begins to feel desperate for some sort of release here. 

Addison only chuckles at her, grasping the edges of her ass and squeezing it in her fingers making Meredith grumble something unintelligible that sounded sort of like her nickname. “ Addie” Meredith grumbled intelligibly this time. 

Addison smirks up at the blonde which makes her pout back because Addison has detached her mouth from Meredith’s stomach and is now staring her down with an amused glance that is just so Addison as she continues to plant open-mouthed kisses for Meredith moving from belly button to baby hairs that stick up from below her panty line. 

By the time Addison starts peppering each of the front parts of Meredith’s thighs with little pecks, it’s taking all of Meredith’s willpower not to scream into Addison’s ear to get on with it so instead she leans down and suckles Addison’s ear right into her mouth running her tongue around the pearl earrings she has and nibbling onto the earlobe until Addison gives her a groan back in return. 


The way Addison is sucking and biting right now she’s almost sure she’s going to leave a scar but judging by the way Meredith held her head in place so she’d have all sorts of hickeys she’s fairly certain the bruising won’t be at all unwelcome. 

Addison can feel the heat radiating from Meredith’s center now as she spreads the blonde’s legs wider and makes more and more noise with her mouth moving all over Meredith’s inner thighs moving back between each as she gets closer and closer to her destination. 

Meredith has since moved on to sucking on Addison’s other ear, maneuvering Addison’s head so it's still working as Meredith plants wet kisses all over the back of Addison’s head and neckline. 

She brushes all of Addison’s hair out the way so she can shower her neckline with the warmth of her tongue. 

And it’s one of the most endearing moments that Addison has had in a long while when Meredith stops for a second to ask before she moves on if she can leave any marks on her body or not. 


“Well, who’s the polite one now, asking permission before you take something from me now, huh” 

Addison chuckles in a sarcastic way like “oh ho ho what do we have here” and she almost makes Meredith regret asking before she looks the blonde right in the eye to say that it’s a 


“A bite for a bite for me, Meredith. Because I guess it’s only fair”.


So Meredith then proceeds to suckle hard on the back of Addison’s neck at the hairline and the increase in pressure and pain only turns Addison on even more. 


Wow, it seems that SOMEONE likes it rough, huh” Meredith thinks to herself, idly.


Meredith tugs at Addison’s hair to get her to look up at her and acknowledge her sort of question. 

The blushing that forms all the way up Addison’s chest to her neck and her cheeks is her answer but Meredith needs for her to say it. 

So she tugs on Addison’s head and Addison groans out in pleasure before she admits to the blonde that 


Yes, yes Meredith I do. I REALLY like it rough in bed. Are you happy now. ” 


She looks up and narrows her pupils at her, annoyed a little bit on how Meredith has just baited into admitting this scandalous part of her sexual existence for her to finally hear. 


“Well it takes one to know one now doesn’t it” Meredith says to her simply.


And Addison gets her back now as she bites down on the soft skin next to the juncture of Meredith’s thighs and she swears she can feel a gush of wetness expulse through Meredith’s white-hot core.


Addison stops for a second, about to finally give in to moving her mouth to the right where Meredith wants her to - so, so much right now. 


“Are you sure?”


Addison asks looking up into Meredith’s eyes, her voice soft and gentle and her eyes wide and vulnerable as if she’s afraid that Meredith is going to change her mind and say no. 


“Jesus, Addison for the love of Christ would you just get on with it! 


“Now Addison.

I Mean it. 





Meredith practically yells as she brings her hands to the back of Addison’s head and literally pulls her so she’s got her face exactly in front of where Meredith wants her most. 

Without hesitation, Addison dives right in and she takes her sweet time running the padding of her tongue on the sides of Meredith’s center before she backs up a bit and teases through her folds with her fingers. 

She cups Meredith with her palms and each time she does she feels Meredith’s hips move towards her involuntarily. “More Addison. More friction” Meredith insists and so she starts to rub circles around all of the wet parts of Meredith’s core.


As Meredith tugs on Addison’s collar to keep her upright Addison spreads out her fingers so she can explore all of what makes Meredith moan and mew like a cat. 

She teases at the entrance of Meredith’s opening, circling the fevered flesh there but not yet making a move to penetrate her yet. 

Each time she teases like she’s going to go in she’s rewarded with a tug on the back of her head where Meredith has widened her grip on Addison’s hair and she’s grasped the bulk of it into tight fistfuls. 

Addison then looks up so she can watch Meredith’s eyes roll to the back of her head when she finally inserts her middle finger into her slick wetness. 

“God you’re so soaked” 

Addison groans as she tests how far her finger can go into Meredith’s depths and how she can feel little to no resistance as she does. 

Addison inserts a second finger then, her ring finger buried into Meredith now as Meredith says “Oh, oh oh…” as she trails off into her own head. 

She’s focusing on how good having Addison inside of her is making her feel and how fast her body is responding. 

Fuck it’s responding to the long delicate fingers of Addison Forbes Montgomery who saves countless babies with those steady and strong and sure surgical hands she has. 

She’s just as convinced herself that Addison Forbes Montgomery most certainly has the most magical fingers because she’s sure as hell never had anyone else’s fingers - not even her own for that matter - have anything to do with making her feel like she’s flying at the speed of light towards what will only be an unimaginable pleasure at her release. 


A release that Addison wishes to postpone for as long as is physically possible. 


So she presses lightly into Meredith’s wetness and pumps her two fingers inside and out at a painfully slow rhythm so she’s warming Meredith up even more and is subject to a dreadfully scathing look from the blonde intern which only makes her strokes smoother and slower still. 

Meredith finally gives up and takes her own hand and plunges it into her wetness and strokes her thumb onto her clit before Addison can grab Meredith’s hand back by the wrist and slide her wet fingers into her mouth. 

She sucks off all of Meredith’s arousal and strokes her tongue along the fingertips. 

She then looks Meredith right in the eye as she moans and she releases the fingers from her mouth with a pop. 

“You keep you away from inside of yourself Meredith or so help me god I’ll leave you high and dry and alone in my office” Addison threatens. 


“You wouldn't,” Meredith gasps. 


“I will,” 


Addison affirms in all seriousness. 


“You know it”


She looks Meredith in the eye until Meredith nods and sighs because she knows that Addison isn’t bluffing. 


“You know if you leave me alone in your office then I could test out your cool-looking sex toy”

 Meredith fumbles for it and presses the button to test out the different settings. 

“Not if I take the batteries out” Addison removes her hands from Meredith, takes the toy apart and stores the batteries in her pocket and zips it before handing Meredith back the empty shell to hold onto. 

“Now that was just mean spirited” Meredith pouts at Addison as she laughs. 

“Shall I continue, Doctor Grey or are we just going to be focusing on our inanimate objects today” she gloats. 


“Oh god god do go on Addison” Meredith insists. 


And Addison does. 




She decides she’s taking Meredith out of her misery soon enough so she plunges her two fingers back into her wetness again and this time she starts pumping them in and out for real. 

She adds a third finger as well to stretch Meredith’s opening before settling with her two longest ones. 

Meredith’s hips move in tandem and she’s fucking herself onto Addison’s fingers and she’s enjoying this she’s really enjoying this now. 

She’s grinding down hard and Addison’s thumb is wrapping its way up her thigh to her clit and she can’t wait to have her touch there. And Addison thumbs Meredith’s clit with her thumb before Meredith bucks harder than she has before.


 “I’m close Addison I’m clo-” 


Meredith mumbles as Addison can start to feel Meredith’s walls clenching around her hand. 

She still wants Meredith to wait to make this the strongest orgasm she has ever had so she pulls her hand right out of her and offers her fingers to Meredith so she can taste herself on the tips of them. 

“From the tips of my fingers I think that you’ll taste pretty delicious,” Addison says seductively into Meredith’s ear, sending a shiver to Meredith again.


“And all I can think about is how I want to taste what you taste like” 


And that is the last coherent thing that Addison says before she settles herself between the both of Meredith’s thighs and she sticks out her tongue towards the seam of Meredith’s core. 

She laps out the outer lips of Meredith’s walls and she licks away all of her arousal so far as she slides her tongue in and out of Meredith’s center. Addison replaces her tongue with her fingers now as she fucks Meredith in and out. 

She strikes Meredith’s g-spot with her middle finger as she slides them all the way out and then forcefully all the way back in. She settles her tongue to Meredith’s clit now as she licks it in broad strokes of her tongue making her squirm and beg and moan. 

Addison continues to suck and to thrust as Meredith’s breaths become more and more ragged and she’s clinging to Addison’s body for all of dear life now. 

She’s sucking on a sole spot on Addison’s shoulder now as she’s being eaten out by none other than a double-board-certified-fetal-and-neonatal-surgeon-and-OB GYN and she’s sure as hell that there really can’t be any more of an expert in vaginas than the woman who is astonishingly close to hitting her right in the sweet spot now. 


As Addison sucks the bud of Meredith’s clit into her mouth she strokes it with her tongue and with her whole mouth and she’s hitting the g-spot with every single stroke of her hand. 

Meredith doesn’t have any time to prepare anymore before she’s biting back a scream by sinking her teeth straight into the place where Addison’s neck meets her shoulder and pulling on Addison’s hair until it’s completely uncurled and tumbling its way fully down to meet the bottom of her back. 

The waves of pure awesome pleasure wash over the blonde as Addison continues to suck on her engorged and swollen center to milk all of Meredith’s juices right out of her. 

When she hits the g-spot just so, Meredith feels another release as squirting fluid lets go from her body and streams right into Addison’s awaiting throat.

 Meredith feels like she’s on another high as Addison brings her down gently with the slowing of her strokes and with the slower circles she’s now circling onto Meredith’s center as she milks this orgasm out, prolonging it for Meredith for all that it is worth.


When Meredith finally finishes coming she’s so exhausted that she reaches out her arms to Addison and Addison stands up abruptly to catch the woman who is now nuzzling her head into the crook of Addison’s neck. 

Meredith is too tired to talk for a few instants before she opens her eyes to say “Holy Hell Addison you really are even better than they say you are” before she closed her eyes and her mouth again and Addison can only stand there waiting and wondering who on earth that Meredith had been talking about having said that about her. 

She looks tiny now, so small and sweet as Addison holds the intern in her post-orgasmic haze. She’s had all of the anger and strife dissolved and replaced with warm and fuzzy feelings that she often confuses for caring a hell of a lot for the person who just gave them to her. 

Addison sees that Meredith needs to lie down for some time so she picks the girl up in her arms under the knees and Meredith holds her at the neck and she moves Meredith over to her couch before covering her with her blankets and shifting her head carefully so it lands on the pillow. 

“Mmm come cuddle” Meredith begs as she aimlessly waves her hands up at Addison, wanting her to stay by her side as she sleeps. 

“Okay I’ll come cuddle Meredith you win,”

Addison says and she crawls onto the couch with Meredith and lies down next to her.

 And Meredith offers her the other end of the blanket as if it wasn’t hers, to begin with. Like she’s doing Addison a really big favor. 

“That was the best orgasm I've ever, ever had,” 


Meredith says as she drifts up and away. 

And Addison smiles and thinks to herself that this is one of those times where she’s certain that Meredith won’t remember a song she’s just declared once the dreams of her sleep are over. 

But that she’s secretly hoping that that fact alone produces a quiet sense of sincerity in Meredith’s mutterings. 

Addison runs her fingers through Meredith’s hair as she settles down head on the pillow beside the other woman and she kisses her softly on the head before she curls Meredith’s head underneath hers.


Perhaps it is a frivolous hope or perhaps it is simply wishful thinking in Addison’s mind right now. But she had something like a star to wish on right now, she silently is wishing for Meredith to forget about her ex-husband and Meredith’s stupid boyfriend Derek altogether. 

She thinks about what she would give and what she would do and what she’d be willing to sacrifice herself for the


“If Only”. 

The “If Only” for Meredith Grey to keep whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

The if only and asking her to stay. 

The “If Only” Meredith Grey would for once in her life, love her back. 


And Addison thinks all of these things during her drifting off to sleep and she’s not sure if it’s better or worse for her to remember or forget all of these inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people come morning.



Chapter Text

Chapter 5: In Which We’re Woken Up


It takes several minutes for Addison to come to after her very restful nap. 

She glances up at the clock wearily and she squints when she reads that it’s a quarter past nine and that Meredith has been in her office with her since at least ten-thirty in the morning. 

How much of that time was spend on sex and how much of that was spent on the sleep she wouldn’t be able to say. 

She feels a warm body pressed up against her and she smiles as she snuggles closer to Meredith again and inhales a deep breath of how the top of Meredith’s head feels. 

She finds her lavender-scented shampoo intoxicating and she starts to think more and more about Meredith.



When Addison think about it fully up she realizes that she does, in fact, remember all of her inappropriate thoughts and feelings from the previous conscious state and she’s decided that cross her heart and hopes to die that she will not utter a single word of her secrets to anyone until the day she dies unless for some godforsaken reason Meredith Grey gives her a damn good reason for her to suspect that she might have feelings for her back.


So she starts off with some light and fluffy and maybe a bit of a boost to Meredith’s ego because she really can’t help herself here, can she?


“Well doing you is one of the sexiest things I've done in my life I’ve had a hot cop eat noodles off the back of my-” Addison starts, as they talk with each other in their sweaty post sex post naps lying on their backs on the couch next to each other satiated states. 


“A cop like a real live policeman?” says Meredith curiously, curling up to Addison so she could cuddle with her while still being able to see her fall in the face.


“SWAT, actually” Addison corrects herself.


“That’s hot,” says Meredith.


“You have a thing for men in uniform as well?” Addison teases.


Off Addison’s look Meredith simply shoots her one back that seems to say to her “Seriously?! Have you met me?!” and Addison laughs.


“I told him to go SWAT something once,” Addison admits. “I wasn’t in the mood to hear him talk,” she says. 


“Did he put you in handcuffs?” Meredith asks instantly.


Addison flushes red at the memory and of the embarrassment of admitting to Meredith Grey the intern that yes, in fact, she had been handcuffed to her bedposts by this hot SWAT cop guy and that yes, she really liked the way he made her lose control.


“I’m going to take that as a yes” Meredith grins deviously as she tries to imagine how hot it would be to see Addison coming while being pounded into and her hands restrained right over her head.


“Never would have pictured you to be such a submissive one Addison” Meredith teases her. And Addison is seriously kicking herself for over-sharing that nitty-gritty detail to the intern.


“Please Addison go on and tell me more about how you like to be dominated by others in bed,” Meredith says in a singsong voice and Addison does her best not to give her any more ideas.


“I bet that you like to be spanked, too” Meredith raises an eyebrow at her and Addison doesn’t think before she speaks back to say “I told Mark Sloan to never ever say anything about that ever” as she squeals.


“Holy shit you had Mark Sloan spank you you dog Addison” Meredith exclaims and Addison literally brings her palm to her face.


“He never told you?” Addison says, surprised.


“If you haven't noticed, Mark Sloan is sorta busy right now and we’re not exactly best friends,” says Meredith as she shrugs.


“Right the whole baby with the lesbian lovers' thing. I don’t know I just thought that maybe since you and Derek that you’d talk” she says flatly as if that made any more sense.


“We don’t talk about THAT at least” Meredith laughs.


“Would it make it better if I told you we were having hot and horny sex in my office in LA?” Addison asks and Meredith bursts into a fitful of giggles imagining her with the blinds of her office shut tight and her lying on the carpet on the floor with her bare ass being hit.


“My mother just came out as a lesbian and told me that my father played along after all those years ago I swear. 

They were both cheating the whole time. He said she screwed the one woman and he screwed the rest of them and I really just did not need the image of either of my parents screwing anyone to be burned inside of my mind so I said to all my co-workers at Oceanside Wellness that I had certainly gained the right to be a ‘little bit eccentric’ for a little while at least” she ranted.


“So back to Mark spanking you so I mean did he actually strike you on the ass or did he do it to other places as well? - See something about you always struck me as a little bit kinky in bed…” Meredith trails off with her questioning.


“Meredith I’m not sure right now is exactly the time for me and you to flesh out that particular conversation” Addison smirks at her.


“Oh really now when you literally just had your mouth in between my thighs and I would have screamed your name to high heavens had I not seriously bitten and bruised your neck and shoulder but you’re going to tell me that now is not the time to tell me about all of your hot kinky sex conquests because I’m not sure if there’s ever going to be a better time for us to talk about this stuff together ya know?” Meredith says convincingly.


“Well, I got to hand you that one Grey” Addison chuckles. “I guess I could tell you about the time that I went to LA and this quack doctor gave me acupuncture and then made out with me in a stairwell” Addison laughs remembering Pete Wilder.


“So why didn’t that work out with you two?” Meredith asks. “Was he secretly married? I mean that happens you know” Meredith teases.


Addison winces at Meredith’s joke, realizing that she really wishes she could have taken away all the pain she had caused from that whole situation there.


“He wasn’t secretly married,” Addison says. “He just stood me up,” she says. “He kissed me in a supply room, lifted me onto the counter at work and made out with me again and then he just stood me up,” she said. “Couldn’t go through with it. Ended up at Violet’s house. They’re together now probably” says Addison.

“Well at least he wasn’t secretly married” Meredith deadpans and this time Addison allows herself to laugh at the absurdity of the joke. How is it that the ex-wife and the then ex-mistress are able to have this long and easy friendly conversation with each other so much as to joke about the perils of their past lovers.


“You know, we can do this you know. We have a whole lot in common now to talk about it when you think about it” says Meredith, suddenly very serious.


“We have cool surgeries, we have fun best friends we compete with. We have co-workers and friends who are co-workers and ex-boyfriends and ex-sex friends, and friends who aren’t co-workers - well I mean maybe I had a few of those once upon a time but then I mean who has time for that really” Meredith giggles and Addison giggles back at the truth to that one. “We could be friends,” Meredith says. 


“Friends” Addison mirrors. And she does her very best to be careful to contain the bitterness in her voice when she says “friends” in a way that means they are nothing more.


“So are you gonna tell me some more wild stories about your long last lovers Addison?” Meredith inquires in a teasing tone.


“Now it’s been all about me but what about you Grey. What are some erotic things that you have done recently Meredith? Are you getting anything good?” Addison asks teasingly before Meredith’s breath catches in a hitch and here she is now realizing that she had literally just asked Meredith to describe her bedroom activities between the blonde and her own ex-husband.


“Erm on second thought you really - you don’t actually have to answer that” Addison corrects herself quickly.


“If you really , I mean actually want to know you know, well, he’s a very tender lover… (“I know,” says Addison as a knee jerk reaction before she realizes that maybe it’s for the best that she shut herself up and she just lets Meredith continue on with what she apparently still wanted to say}. He’s not bad with his tongue I guess and he likes to stop the elevators to try to impregnate me” she says almost emotionlessly, with the only emotion being that she seemed to actually want to impress Addison rather than share something that might hurt her.


“Sounds good to me,” says Addison with a bit of a wince, looking up at Meredith now with a flare of jealousy in her eyes. Only for this time, the flare of jealousy is directed at Derek for having bedded this beautiful woman before she had.


“Well, as you said, he’s a good man and I don’t think he’s going to hurt me” Meredith finishes her sentence there before Addison had a chance to say anything else, not adding the “the way [you] hurt him at least” which would finish the quote directly.


“Wait wait go back to that what do you mean by he’s not going to hurt you” Addison questions and she’s fishing for the origin of that sentence and where Meredith might have made it up on the spot or whether or not she consciously or subconsciously remembers that time they had talked about this while Meredith had been in a hospital bed drugged up on morphine.


“If you’re asking if I remember what I said and what you said that day when I thought Derek got me pregnant but it turns out I just had an inflamed appendix then, well, yes Addison. I remember. I remember that day and I remember every last word” she says honestly with a flicker of sadness in her voice then.


“Why do you sound sad about this?” Addison asks before Meredith can read the shapeless emotions that are invading Addison’s mind and that are bound to be forming themselves upon Addison’s face before long.


“I’m sad because remember what I was thinking and not just what we were saying. And I remember thinking to myself about asking you - About asking you if you wanted to be one of my boyfriends too. And then I thought that that would have been a stupid thing to say because obviously you’re not a boy so you couldn't be my boyfriend but I still remember thinking that I wanted to ask you if you wanted to try. And then I remember I was going to say it, I think I really was but then you walked away” Meredith admits sadly.


“Wow” is all Addison can say as she lifts her eyebrows at the revelation that to her earlier inner question, was that yes Meredith had hung onto every word they both said all of those years ago just as much as she had.


“Why do you say that sadly?” asks Addison, pensive now at why Meredith might be sad about thinking that.


“Well, it’s sad because all those years ago I never would have really known you could make me feel that good and that I could ever really kiss you back. And now that I know what it feels like to have you holding my body- I- I guess that it’s hard to go back and to think that maybe maybe maybe if I had said something back then that we could have been.” Meredith spills all of her deep and dark and twisty feelings into the open air.


And Addison thinks thoughtfully for a moment before she answers Meredith to say that “Just because you didn’t know then it doesn’t mean that we could have even been back then” Addison holds onto Meredith tighter into her side and runs her hand over the blonde woman’s hair. “Back then we were both in very different places in our lives. 


I was a Seattle Grace attending and you were a first-year resident and unlike Derek, I don’t see myself really wanting to cross that line with someone in the long term” Addison says. “I think it was better, for you, for you to have the time to grow up on your own,” she says selflessly as if she has actually given this some thought.


“You know I worshipped you back then. Even if I hated you for being McDreamy’s husband and for breaking McSteamy’s heart and for sleeping with Alex and for calling out McNurse Rose and for calling out me out for not chasing after Derek and for not even talking to me while your brother was singing a love song that Derek wrote you when you were going to get married” Meredith manages to say this all between one breath. “I worshipped you” Meredith repeated. “Even if I did want to call you Satan to your face,” she says. “And call you a McSlut” she adds for good measure. Addison laughs and corrects Meredith to say that “you KNOW that I prefer ‘Ruler of All That Is Evil, but I will answer to Satan’ as she insists this to Meredith the way she had long ago insisted to her then estranged husband.


“And that, that right there is why we wouldn’t have been a good idea back then” Addison continues as she affirms her point with precision. “You didn’t need another drunken lover in your life back then it was the last thing you needed. You needed a responsible grownup in your life who wasn’t just trying to get into your pants. 


And even if that meant you hated me more in that moment so be it. It was better for you so that’s why I never said anything either, even if I admit I had been having thoughts of saying similar things to you while you were off in your shiny happy people sedated state. 


It just wouldn’t have been right. Alex, he never did worship me. And that’s why even though we crossed a line too far that I didn’t have to beat myself up over it because he broke up with me and that was for the best” Addison says. And even if Meredith did theoretically hear the last part, she’s still focused back on the part where Addison really cared about her. And that’s all she thinks about it. Addison finishes her rant then. Addison doesn’t have anything more to say.


Meredith doesn’t say anything back for the longest time. Instead, she simply turns away from Addison for the moment and brings Addison’s hand over so it’s holding onto her waist. Addison is effectively spooning Meredith now, with the backs of Meredith’s knees intertwined with hers and all of her chest pressed up against Meredith’s back. 


Meredith sighs in contended relief when she feels Addison’s head hit the pillow behind her and her hot breath on the back of her head. Addison is rubbing soft circles at her hip and playing with the back of her hair with her other hand. The sweet caresses are sending Meredith into a sleepy, sleepy state. 


Addison pulls a blanket over them both before she tucks her head into the crook of Meredith’s neck and listens to her even breathing. And Meredith could never confirm it but she swears she feels the soft press of Addison’s lips to her neck before slumbers soundly into a deep deep sleep…




When Derek knocks quietly on her office door, Addison only has seconds to hide them both all the way up to their faces under the covers before the man steps right on into the room and stares down at her holding on to Meredith Grey under her arm. She realizes, dumbly, that she’s also forgotten to remove the pink vibrator from her desk from before and she prays to God that Derek is just too dumbfounded in the first place to notice.






Chapter Text

Chapter 6: In Which We Dream Before We Wake



When Derek knocks quietly on her office door, Addison only has seconds to hide them both all the way up to their faces under the covers before the man steps right on into the room and stares down at her holding on to Meredith Grey under her arm. She realizes, dumbly, that she’s also forgotten to remove the pink vibrator from her desk from before and she prays to God that Derek is just too dumbfounded in the first place to notice.



“Shhhhhhhh” Addison hushes, praying that Meredith doesn’t wake up for any of this.


She’s frantically holding her index finger of her right hand to her mouth and raising both of her eyebrows at him as he furrows his brow up at her in confusion. She’s further frantically illustrating her point to her ex-husband how he should really keep quiet during this admittedly odd situation he was walking in on so as not to upset the unconscious intern and she’s secretly hoping that the bruises and the bite marks on her neck, her ears, and her shoulders are too small to show up for Derek from where he’s standing and watching from ten feet away from them. 


“I just got her down,” Addison says soothingly for Meredith’s benefit. “She’s exhausted after everything today she needs to rest” Addison adds for good measure.


As if she were talking about a shared sleeping infant rather than about a shared slumbering surgical resident who also just happened to be currently in a relationship with the man who is looking on at Addison who is holding Meredith Grey. 


She currently has a blanket wrapped tightly around both of them and Addison is praying to a god she doesn’t believe in that Derek Shepard would never notice that underneath all of those blankets that the two of them were actually stark naked and have been that way for at least the past several hours. 


“So you sleep with my girlfriend now?” Derek chuckles at his wording even if in fact he had only meant it in the most platonic sort of way.


“We’re napping, ” Addison explains, raising her voice at him as if it were oh, so obvious.


“So you’re napping with Meredith nowadays. Derek continues.


“I guess I never got the memo huh” Derek flashes his stupid McDreamy smile and for an instant Addison sort of feels bad for her ex-husband. Because for all that he was and for all that he wasn’t, he sure seemed to be understanding and just a shared look left out by the whole ordeal.


“Well have a nice nap, Addie, good to have you back” Derek turns to leave the room.


“I’m not back ” Addison has to add to reinforce her points about this being a temporary arrangement for her to be in Seattle.


“Well enjoy your stay,” Derek says only half sarcastically. “And for the record Torres’ treatment is going well and she named her baby Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres and she’s sharing it with Mark and Arizona is going to sign for adoption” he adds. 


He doesn’t mention the sex toy at all and so Addison is not sure whether or not he’d seen it, and not noticed it, not seen it at all or not wanting to admit he’d seen it and that he knew exactly what it was but either way, Addison was grateful.


“Thank you, Derek, thank you very much” Addison whisper-screams at him genuinely grateful for the update on her friends and she’s covering Meredith’s ears as she does so not to wake the blonde up while snuggling the blanket up over the top of the both of their shoulders for at least fifteen minutes after the man was gone to make sure that he didn’t come right on back if he were looking for another update or foraging for a pen he had forgotten. 


For whose benefit or protection she’s hiding this secret for she’s not even sure anymore but she’s sure that she really doesn’t want Derek to come any closer than he already is into her office so she mouths at him “Go Away” with a wave of her hand. 


Derek smiles his most classic McDreamy smile at him as he mouths back at her “Later Addie” as if he still had the right to call her by that nickname anymore before backing away from the door and, upon Addison’s gesture, he closes the door silently behind him leaving his ex-wife and his probably soon to be ex-girlfriend to fend for themselves.




“Mmm Addie” Meredith groans while Addison is lightly sleeping and she swears audibly in reaction to being woken up and heard that because never in her entire life has Meredith Grey ever called her “Addie”. She falls asleep again and hopes to god that Meredith is talking in her sleep right now and that she won’t remember a thing once she’s awake.




When Meredith wakes up for real this time she’s blinking her eyes before she feels the warmth of Addison’s chest being pushed into her back and Addison’s arms intertwined around her front and Addison’s legs interlocked with her own. 

Addison herself has her face nuzzled into Meredith’s neck and she can feel the warm breathing, still even, on the nape of her hairline. 

Meredith can feel her ass being pushed into Addison’s center from behind and she smirks when she can feel for herself that even in her sleep that Addison must have been having a wet dream because she’s soaked through to the sheets with her arousal. 


The feeling of Addison’s wetness rubbed up against her behind is making Meredith feel hot and bothered all over again. She’s warm already from being under the blankets and from being in Addison’s arms but she can feel her body becoming flush and hot. 

She can feel herself becoming turned on as her nipples harden to the touch and her mouth begins to water. She can feel her own wetness start to pool between her legs and she starts to wonder whether or not Addison is a light sleeper at all because she’s not sure how long she can stand being stuck in this state without being able to take care of herself and risk waking Addison out of her nap.


She seems so contented and peaceful and Meredith really misses being snuggled so long and tightly that she sighs because before Derek she had no one to snuggle with but during Derek and her relationship they had only been snuggling the several times that Meredith had bribed by saying that she'd have more sex with him unless if only he would snuggle her in her sleep and for what THAT was worth. 

Well it never did feel the same when she had to practically force him to. So she closes her eyes again and she snuggles Addison back because for whatever she was she must have given Derek a run for his money too when Meredith imagined that she had exchanged some sex for his snuggles when they were together as well.


Eventually, as the hours dragged onwards the smell of the sex on their sweaty bodies and the streaming of wetness she was still feeling on her naked back was clearly driving Meredith insane. 

She drifts off a bit and wakes up to one hell of a surprise when she feels as though Addison is actually humping her center to her ass to gain herself more friction as she tries to bring herself closer to coming while she is still fast asleep. 

Meredith confirms that Addison is still fast asleep because she looks at her face in the mirror that is across from them to see that Addison’s eyes are still squeezed shut and her breathing is labored but not at all uneven as she continues her antics. 


It’s making Meredith grow more and more restless to touch both herself and to touch Addison back. She’s decided now though that seeing as she’s already been screwed by the redhead today that it’s only fair that it’s Addison’s turn. 

So she turns around ever so slowly so as not to wake Addison up as she keeps her thigh firmly planted in place so Addison can keep dry humping herself up against it. Meredith leans over to suckle Addison gently at her breasts. 

And they’re so sensitive and so swollen the peaks stiffen into hardened peaks the moment her lips brush over them. 

Meredith moves back and forth between them as Addison is rocking herself harder and harder. And Meredith has moved on to suckle Addison’s collarbone now, relishing the taste as she leads with her tongue and her lips and savors the soft groans she’s getting in response.


And then she moves up to Addison’s shoulders and finally to her neck. Addison’s neck is her kryptonite as Meredith was about to find out and the moment she starts kissing it Addison’s pleasure suddenly increases tenfold. 

Meredith can feel the gush of wetness in between them now and she keeps up what she’s doing to Addison as she nips ever so lightly and plants wet open-mouthed kisses all over the neck and shoulders and jawline. 

She suckles in behind the earlobe on a sensitive spot and she sucks on the tips of each of Addison’s ears. Meredith finally attaches her lips to Addison’s pulse point and she steadies herself there. 

She opens her mouth wide allowing all of the hot air to hit Addison’s neck and she soothes the area with her lips and the swirl of her tongue. And Meredith kisses her there harder and harder as Addison’s hips start to buck up faster and faster.


And she’s so close to coming now, she’s so close to finishing what she started. And Meredith thinks that the way she is seeing Addison now is the most beautiful sight to behold. She’s seeing Addison’s hair all let loose all over the couch. 

She’s seeing Addison’s face all hot and wanting. She’s seeing Addison’s toes curling, back-arching, the body as blessed and hot and beautiful and naked as the eye could see. If Meredith could freeze a moment to take forwards with her in time then this would be the one she would want to have and to hold with her, right here right now. 

And finally, Meredith becomes completely consumed with the idea of capturing Addison’s lips with her own just to see what she would feel like inside of her mouth. 

Because for all of the messed up and broken they’ve been through and all of the fighting and hate and now the lust and the teasing and making love and Addison making her come like a motherfucker after she’s seen her masturbate from her godforsaken desk chair - 

Meredith Grey realizes that after all of that that she has yet to plant her lips mouth to mouth with Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery. And that all she wants to do now is kiss her. 


And so she does. Meredith fastens her lips securely around Addison’s lips and she sucks on Addison’s bottom lip ever so smoothly. And she sucks into it until she slips her tongue over the entrance to Addison’s mouth, willing Addison to grant her access to her depths. 

And that is the moment that Addison finally wakes up. 

And as she’s just coming to her senses she can feel all these warm and fuzzy sensational feelings searing through her veins right now. 

And she wants it. 

She wants it all. 

She wants Meredith. 

She wants HER. 

So she lets her into her mouth and her eyes fluttered open to see Meredith, hair all mussed up and face all flushed and body all glowy and slick. 

And sees how fervently Meredith is groping at her now as Addison brings her own hands to Meredith’s face and she brings force to her lips as she’s kissing Meredith back. 

And Meredith is kissing Addison in all the right ways that Addison needs to be kissed. And she’s so sure, she’s so certain that this feeling is all she wants to be feeling for the rest of eternity. 


Addison, if she was close before the feeling’s got nothing on what she’s feeling right now. Addison feels like she’s going to internally combust if Meredith keeps on kissing her rough like she is right now. 

Addison shakes her hands all the way through Meredith’s hair and she gasps as Meredith finally moves her fingers so that Addison is rocking up against them instead of her thigh. 

Meredith curves her hand so her fingers are inside of Addison now and she watches as Addison moves up against them and rocks herself at her own rhythm. 

Meredith pumps them in and out intently now as she moves her mouth downwards so she can settle her lips to Addison’s core. She’s always been waiting and wanting to know what Addison tastes like. 

She’s wanted to know this since the day she first met her during the “Addison Shepherd and you must be the woman who’s been screwing my husband” stage of her life. 


And if Meredith could describe the taste to anyone she would only say to them that it was sweet because Meredith was lapping Addison’s juices right up right now. 

She went right for the core so she could replace her fingers with her tongue and lick whole circles around Addison’s opening and she could feel her walls clenching around her mouth. Meredith retreats her lips now to Addison’s clit as she plunges her fingers right into now. 

She’s pushing them all the way out and then all the way back in again as Addison is starting to shudder at how intense her pressure has built up over the past few hours and at how skilled Meredith’s fine surgeons' hands are. 

“More Meredith, more” Addison cries out to her as she wraps her hands thickly through Meredith’s hair and she digs into her head with her long nails. 

Addison trails her hand down Meredith’s back now and she scratches long scratch marks all the way down as Meredith moves her tongue around and around. 


“I knew you liked it rough” Meredith growls the same phrase to her as before as she spanks the side of Addison’s ass before she keeps going down on her again. “Yeah well so do you” Addison smirks at her back. 

“No wonder no one else did it for you” Meredith must be referring mostly to Derek now, which Addison knows to be true, and thanks to her silently for not mentioning his name aloud when all she wants to be thinking about right now is Meredith. 

After another well-timed bite on the neck and Addison feels herself start to become undone. She’s clenching hard against Meredith’s fingers and she’s squeezing hard into Meredith’s sides. 

Meredith continues her ministrations moving her tongue faster and faster as she sucks the hood of Addison’s clit directly into her mouth and suckles it so hard that Addison starts seeing stars. 

As Addison orgasms, she feels her mouth move to a perfect “o” shape as Meredith keeps pumping her fingers inside and out of her faster not letting up even as the heat is spreading from Addison’s center all the way down to her toes. 


Addison has always thought her whole life that the g-spot orgasms were actually a myth or that at least her body was not capable of doing such things. 

Meredith might have made a snide comment about her being a gynecologist if she ever voiced that concern aloud and it turned out not to matter because she was about to be proved very, very wrong. 

As Meredith’s fingers curled at just the right angle inside of Addison she started to feel very tight for a second before she felt all the tension in her body dissolve and a feeling of free fluid start to gush out of her. 

Meredith had her tongue right at the ready to drink in all of Addison’s juices as if she knew for certain that Addison would experience for the first time the magic of what it was like to be a real live squirter. 

So she relishes the way Meredith keeps worshiping her center with her tongue and she keeps calling out in more and more moans waiting for her body to stop trembling at the same time never wanting it all to be over.



Chapter Text

Chapter 7: In Which We Chase Back the Butterflies



“You’ve done this before” Addison moans as she comes down from her powerful aftershocks. “So have you” Meredith smirks right back at her.

“I mean before me, before you ate me out on your desk you’d already done this before” Meredith explains as if it weren’t obvious to her statement.

“I’ve done this before,” Addison admits. “More than a few times” she adds, to be completely clear, with a laugh.

“Really?” Meredith is intrigued and she starts to think she’s going to get to know something she’s been wanting to know for a very long time.

“Well, my best friend Naomi and I hooked up a few times during sophomore year. I lived for those drunken nights but she just said it was because of the booze and that it wasn’t as much of her thing as it was mine” Addison just says softly.

“We never told anybody because she was with Sam and I was with Derek at the time, we were young” she explained.



“Did Derek ever know when you were together?” Meredith asks her.

They’re under the covers again, enjoying their post-sex haze and cuddling.

“Know what Grey? I think you've forgotten some nouns there. And some verbs, too.” She laughs.

“Know that well you, that well you're - you know-”

Meredith does this motioning gesture with her hands and it amuses Addison to pieces because she laughs with her mouth wide open as Meredith struggles to recover from her terrible impersonation.

“No. I mean not that I ever told him I liked women. If he knew he never said anything, either way, Addison says softly.

“Did you want him to know?” asks Meredith as if she’s not trying to ask Addison a much more personal question.

“Did it feel like you were hiding something from him?” 

She asks because she’s sort of asking if SHE should tell Derek she likes women and also she’s asking because she’s not sure she cares too much about Derek when she could keep holding this wonderful woman here in her arms.

“If I wanted him to know at some point it would have been for the wrong reasons, for me to make him jealous or insecure or to turn him on at the thought of me with another woman” Addison explains. 

“There was never a good time,” she adds.



“And so I'd just as rather Derek never know about me and Naomi or any of those other ex-girlfriends that had come and gone and for him to think of me as the simple vanilla pillow princess that he always thought that I was.” Addison laughs.

“You are far, far from a vanilla pillow princess” Meredith smirks and Addison laughs. “But I think I knew that from the moment I met you,” she adds. “It was sort of jarring to see you standing next to him all leggy and fabulous when you looked like you would be a beast to be in bed with while he was just you know, sort of McDreamy about it,” she says but not with the sort of reverence she’d had previously reserved for the McDreamy naming.

“Did it make you feel like you were hiding from him?” asks Meredith sincerely, thinking that the one McTitle that they sure never did go wrong with was to call Addison McHot.

“I guess it made me feel like I was waiting for something, I’m still waiting for something,” Addison says with a sigh.

“I guess I feel like I’m waiting for something too,” says Meredith.

And the weight of the words seems to weigh down on them for a moment.

Addison has always cared for Meredith, much more than she’d care to admit to anyone, much less to admit it to Meredith herself. And she’s not so sure that even today would make her want to spill her secret.



Meredith finally breaks the silence with Addison when she asks her “remember the time you told me 'good girl' after I didn't go back to Derek, was that because it meant that you could go back to Derek? Or because Derek was a bad guy in your mind and you wanted to protect me?” Meredith asks.

“It was because if you didn't go back to Derek then maybe, just maybe you could have had a shot with me” And Addison finally says it.

She finally says the thing she’s been holding back from saying for years because she’s just so scared of hurting Derek’s feelings but after she’s had a taste of the girl for herself, she’s sure as hell not going to put up a fight.

And Addison is scared. She’s chilled to the bone. She’s terrified that Meredith will turn away from her or tell her to get lost or to get the hell out of her own damn office because she’s in a roundabout way telling her that she’s in love and has been in love with her for a super long time and she’s not even single right now.



And the only other times that Addison remembers she’s felt ever so terrified have been the moments when she thought Meredith was not going to make it. The first time was when that stupid bomb went off at the hospital and George told her that Meredith was the one who had her hand on the bomb. And she’s sitting there delivering Bailey’s baby with the only thought in her head that Meredith could die right there and then and she'd never ever told her how much she thought Meredith could be a great surgeon.

Or when Meredith had almost drowned in the sea off the coast of the sound and she looked so scared and pale and lifeless in that hospital bed and Addison just stared down at her all concerned and scared for her asking her whole team just how long it had been.

Or when she got a call from Derek after he’d been shot in the hallway of Seattle Grace and all she had been wondering the whole time is if Meredith had been shot, too and it took him a holy ten minutes to tell her a yes or no because he’d been recounting her the entire story of the bullet through his chest in chronological order.

“I don't think I’m going to be strong enough to leave him, Addison”

Is all Meredith says simply? And it’s not a clear yes but it’s not a clear no either. And Addison takes it at face value to tell the intern her own truth.


“There was a time in my life when I was feeling the exact same thing, Addison sighs

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that Addison” Meredith apologizes to her and holds her to her chest tightly.

“It's not your fault it wasn’t you” Addison explains it to her. “It was over long before you, or Mark, or me for that matter. We were never meant to be after all” Addison says.

“You’re really fucking lonely aren’t you,” asks Meredith tenderly.

Addison is taken aback by the bluntness of Meredith’s statement and she’s even sadder now that she realizes that what the intern has just said is true.

“You’re extremely cute when you curse” Addison deflects and Meredith takes it as a compliment.

“You know it’s a sin you’re alone because you really are fucking lovely” Meredith swears again on purpose just so she can see Addison smile.



And Addison thinks at the full tooth smile Meredith gave her that time she was admitted to the hospital and they all thought she was pregnant.

“You remember that time you were on morphine for your appendix?” asks Addison.

“Oh god I remember thanking all of my boyfriends for being there” Meredith groans internally at her embarrassment.

“You were deciding between picking which boyfriend to choose and you were asking if I knew or how I knew that Derek was the one,” Addison said. “And I said I thought Derek would never hurt me, at least not in the way I hurt him” she explains.

“And from that, I somehow figured out or something that Derek and I were supposed to be or something” Meredith tries to remember.

“Yes and that you did,” Addison says.

“I’m starting to think that me and Derek were never meant to be as much as I thought,” Meredith says to her bravely.

“I remember staring down at you then and thinking to myself that I wanted to ask you then” Addison starts. “I wanted to ask you if you’d consider me, consider me to be one of your lovers when you were dating again” Addison finally admits to her.



“But you didn’t, I would have remembered’ Meredith says. “We already talked about how I wanted to ask YOU out back then but I never knew you were thinking it too. You never said” Meredith looks into Addison’s deep green eyes.

“Well I’m saying it now,” Addison says with a gesture.

“I still don’t know if I could leave him, he’s such a good guy. And you said you wanted to kick my ass once for not trying with him” Meredith laughs.

“Do you think that if he is the one leaving you that you could stay away?” Addison asks her.

And Meredith pauses for a second as her breath hitches in her throat. And she doesn’t answer Addison because she doesn’t have an answer for herself. Because the cold and ugly truth is that you really really don't know.



When Derek parks his keys in his pocket and he locks his office door and he goes inside the hall and he knows that this time that something is different. Nothing is different, everything is the same. But yet still, something’s different. And he stands there for a while. 

And then he knows.

There are moments for Derek, usually in the O.R when he just knows what’s going to happen next. So he goes upstairs. And he’s going down the hall trying to prepare himself for what he’s going to see when he walks into Addison’s office.

He steps on someone’s jacket. That doesn’t belong to him. And everything he thinks he knows, just shifts. Because the jacket doesn't belong to him is a jacket that he recognizes. And what he knows now is that when he goes into Addison’s office, he’s not just going to see that his girlfriend is cheating on him.

He’s going to see that his girlfriend is cheating on him with Addison. Who happened to be his ex-wife.

It’s just so pedestrian. Common, dirty, cruel. Mostly cruel.

And he left and he came out of his office back into the hallway.

And his feeling sends him back decades in time to when he walked in on Addie screwing Mark in the Brownstone in New York.



And Derek knows now that this time, unlike even the last time, that he is going to be losing everything.



And when he finally does take a breath and steps into Addison’s office, he’s astonished at the sight that he sees.

Both Meredith and Addison are completely stark naked and they are set in the middle of the plush carpet flooring that Addison had insisted on installing so long ago.

And between both of their naked bodies, Derek can see all the fresh bruises and bite marks and scratches and hickeys his ex-wife must have given her from all the rough sex they’d been having together.

And clearly Addison must have been feeling the same because she was sporting some pretty nasty brand markings he imagined Meredith had made on her while suckling her hard with her tongue.

Derek hears a low buzzing noise as he grows closer and as he steps in he sees Meredith screwing Addison with a hot pink butterfly vibrator that she’s shoving into Addison’s tight center.

And Addison in return has her four fingers up into Meredith’s slit as she’s fucking her back with passionate fervor.



And no one has heard the sound of Derek’s slight footfalls over the muffled cries of Meredith’s voice as she cries out “faster Addison”.

And no one hears the soft sigh from Derek’s sad expression over the muted screams of Addison’s voice as she cries out “harder Meredith”.

And as each of them stays in their own little worlds with each other they climb higher and higher as they pleasure each other to high heavens.

And then the crest of the wave finally washes over them both and they cry out one last time that they’re coming over and over and they turn the toy off.

And they look at each other with such tender, loving touch and it’s then that Derek’s heart breaks because he knows that neither of them is ever, ever coming back to him.

And he lets them wait for a moment, for them to hold each other close because he knows they both care for the tender cuddling after they’ve had some amazing and mind-blowing and athletic sex.



And he watches how Addison tucks a piece of Meredith’s hair behind her ear and off of her face.

And he watches how Meredith brushes the side of Addison’s cheek.

And he watches them kiss each other again and again.

And he watches them tuck into each other and warms themselves up again.

And then he doesn’t want to watch any more so he clears his throat loudly so that they finally notice he’s there.



“I’m so sorry Derek” Addison is the first one to say.

“I’m so sorry Derek” Meredith is the second one to say.

“I can’t look at either of you anymore,” Derek finally has something to say.



And Meredith and Addison watch him as he says everything that he’s wanted to say.

“We aren’t Derek and Addison anymore. And we aren’t Derek and Meredith anymore either. I’m giving up my McDreamy hat. I’m going away or you’re going away we can figure that all out later. And I know now that if I go, that we’ll never ever get through this. I know that if I go now, that I’ll never have a chance. With either of you. Ever again.

And I’m going to go. Because I’m not going to wait around here watching you two fall in love with each other even more than you already have. So this is the last time I’m going to kiss either of you. This is goodbye. I know I’m a goner” He says softly. “I can’t believe that McMeredith got my McSeattle and she’s got my McWife” Derek laughs and they laugh softly with him and nod up as if in thanks.

And it is honestly and truly the most selfless and graceful most McDreamy thing that Derek Christopher Shepherd has ever said to either of them.



He kisses them both on the lips. One last time. First Addison. Then Meredith. And he turns to them both, meeting Meredith in the eye as he says before he walks.

“Your lips taste so sweet, they taste just like her”.

Derek looks from Meredith to Addison back to Meredith again.

“And by the way, not that you were wondering, but.

I never knew. 

About the whole liking women thing.

About either of you.”

“Not until just now.”

Derek confirms with a nod of his head.

And then he turns away, without another word.

And then he closes the door.

And then he was gone.



“You didn’t go back to him, good girl,” Addison says as she stares at Meredith who hasn’t made a move to go chase Derek back into the rain.

“Somehow I feel like you’ve said that very same thing to me not too long ago,” says Meredith with a smirk up to Addison, remembering one of the very first times those two ever talked.

They are wearing each other’s white coats right now and underneath they are wearing each other’s clothes.

Addison ends up in Meredith’s college Dartmouth hoodie and Meredith has on one of Addison’s skirts.

The chaos of their clothing is caused not by their fear but for their excitement at what lies ahead.

They head right to the nursery where they take a second to coo at Callie’s new baby and practice breaking the news.



“You know, with all that’s been said about Derek so far, the least I can say about him is that he does have good taste in girls” Meredith grins at Addison.


“You really don’t say - right back at you,” says Addison.



Then they head right into Callie’s room where Arizona and Mark and literally all of their friends are around them.

And then they’re holding hands again and they’re giggling as if they were small.

And they’re not only certain they know are sure.

So they lean in and kiss.

They kiss one another.

And they know that this;

Their friends' cheers of happiness;

Which matches their very own happiness;

It is the beginning of everything.



Neither Addison nor Meredith last long before giving all over again as a teasing touch from Meredith over Addison’s thighs and a slutty smile from Meredith’s mouth into Addison’s shoulder is enough to send both of them barrelling back to Addison’s office in a frenzy.

“Take off all your clothes, now” Addison commands Meredith as she undresses her shirt and pants.

“Speak for yourself, woman” Meredith pleads with her as she slips off her skirt and panties again and Addison helps to slip Meredith’s top over her shoulders.

And this time at least they have the sense in them to tightly lock the door, to turn down the shades and to shove the desk over to block any unwanted visitors from entering.

They up some music to block out the noise and Meredith plus in her phone, to a playlist, she’s made only for Addison.

And each of them smiles as they bring their hands to each other and soothe their soft lips in a searing embrace.

“You know dirty office sex always really was sort of my thing” Addison admits with a laugh as Meredith pulls onto Addison’s coat collars so she’s backing her back up against the wall.

“How am I not even surprised” Meredith giggled back as she brings both of her hands to feel Addison’s tight stomach up under her shirt.

“You know that I lost my virginity to a woman in the backseat of my childhood Mercedes when I was seventeen years old” Addison starts to share parts of her past with the blonde now.

“See, you mentioning that you had a childhood Mercedes all to call your own makes you seem like the sort of mythical thing that makes me want to tear all your clothes off” Meredith laughs as she rips the scrub top up off of Addison’s shoulders.

“What was your past with the women?” Addison asks because she’s actually curious at that now. 

“Well I had this super sweet girlfriend through med school and her name was Sadie Harris. She slept her way through Europe with me until she cheated on me in Amsterdam when we went dancing. And after all that, it was never the same” Meredith sighs.

“School sweethearts can suck” Addison affirms with her. “My ex-girlfriend Natalie dumped me because she said I was bad at drawing.

Like is that even a good reason?”

Addison swears at the thought of it as Meredith shakes her head “no” sympathetically in response to her.

“I can’t think of even one single good reason why someone would leave you when they could keep you,” Meredith says to her and it’s so breathtaking.

And Addison admits to her that she finally understands why her ex-husband would leave her to screw a scrawny little intern like her because she could not ever get over the addiction she now had to screw the intern that is Meredith Grey.

Meredith asks her if that makes her forgive him, for Addison to forgive Derek for all of the pain that he did.



And Addison says that she’s at peace with that all now. She says that if him leaving her led to her leaving New York and to meeting Meredith then she decides that that’s something she can live with.

And Meredith agrees that she needed to come back to Derek so she knew that it was right to leave him.

And so Addison decides that she is going to stay.

She is going to keep all her property in LA so she could have a beach house there and that her and Meredith can stay in Seattle.

And so they can keep on keep having all this mind-blowing sex while Meredith can still screw an attending (but not for surgeries of course) and Addison can stop saying she’s single.



And as they both move their hands lower so they are gyrating off of each other’s centers now they both think as their orgasms overtake them together that now they are finally done . They are done with all of the boys, and all of the bars, and all of the searching for the pieces of their souls that are separate from them.

Because they have found themselves and their souls in each other.

And if they were chasing away all of the butterflies before now, after now they are chasing the butterflies to come back.

Because that magical butterfly feeling is one that they hope to keep with them for a very, very long time.






The End.