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Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard do the Autocomplete Interview

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N.J: Hey, I’m Neil Josten!

A.M: …

N.J: (stares at AM)

A.M: (sighs) And I’m Andrew Minyard.

N.J: We’re professional Exy players and this is our Autocomplete Interview! So- uh, here we go, first one.


How is Neil Josten ____________


N.J: ‘How is Neil Josten feeling today?’ I’m feeling pretty good, thank you! I mean, things could be way worse. It’s sweet that people care how I feel-

A.M: Creepy.

N.J: huh?

A.M: It’s creepy. Leave us alone, *REDACTED* freaks.

N.J: Drew! You can’t keep doing this! Kevin is-

A.M: You think I give a-

*CAMERA CUTS OUT *


How did Neil Josten ____________


N.J: ‘How did Neil Josten learn to play Exy?’ Well I played as a kid, some of my earlier memories are of playing Exy when I was younger with…uh…friends.

A.M: (scoffs)

N.J: (glares at him) I gave it up for a while, but I picked it up around high school time and then I joined the Palmetto State Foxes. That was where I was trained by Kevin and met my lovely Andrew.

A.M: (makes a hand gesture to the camera: PIXILATED)


Did Andrew Minyard ____________


A.M: ‘Did Andrew Minyard go to prison?’ Yes, I did. Do what you want with that information.

N.J: Andrew’s worked really hard since then make amends, work on himself and strive towards better things, right?

A.M: Absolutely *REDACTED* not.


Did Andrew Minyard ____________


N.J: Let me do this one. ‘Did Andrew Minyard kiss Neil Josten at the Olympics?’ The answer is yes, he did, that’s how we told the world what’s going on.

A.M: It’s really nobody’s business, I don’t even care that we’re together.

N.J: The world cares, though, Drew. Anyway, it was a great moment. It didn’t actually get caught on any kind of television camera but there’s plenty of videos that people took on their phones if you want
to see it.


Neil Josten _____________


N.J: ‘Neil Josten Height’. Ouch, that many people care about how tall I am? (smiles and scratches the back of his head) It’s a shallow world.

A.M: If your man is under 6’4, just cancel him.

N.J: Drew-

A.M: Josten.

N.J: For everyone asking, I’m 5’3. Andrew here is 5’0 even.

A.M: (monotone) Fuck, I just got exposed.


Neil Josten ____________


N.J: ‘Neil Josten Background’ (huffs, looks stressed).

A.M: (sips drink through a straw loudly)

N.J: The topic of my background is not really-

A.M: (sips even louder)

N.J: I don’t think-

A.M: (sips even louder)


Andrew Minyard ____________


A.M: ‘Andrew Minyard Mental Health’. I’m unstable, what can I say?

N.J: Andrew’s done some charity work over the past few years, working with kids from certain backgrounds. It’s great and I’m really proud of him for it, he’s helped people and also helped himself.

A.M: (camera zooms in on his face, he rolls his eyes)

N.J: It’s not a joke.

A.M: I know it’s not but you are.


Andrew Minyard _____________


A.M: ‘Andrew Minyard Twin’. He died.

N.J: Aaron isn’t dead. Not as far as I know.

A.M: And here we are having established you don’t know a lot.

*CAMERA CUTS OUT*

*CAMERA CUTS BACK IN*

N.J: (holding Andrew’s phone up to the camera, on facetime with Dr. Aaron Minyard) See- wait fuck I think I ended it-

A.M: You evoke the suicide in me, Josten.

*CAMERA CUTS OUT*

(footsteps walking outwards)

N.J: (rushed) That was our autocomplete interview, thanks everyone! (leaves)