Actions

Work Header

Bill Denbrough Being Bi For * Minutes Straight

Work Text:

Bill Denbrough Being Bi For * Minutes Straight

2.9M views

 

[Bill on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon]

Jimmy: So, I heard you met David Tennent.

Bill: Um…yeah, I did. He is gonna star in the movie adaptation of my book ‘Bleed Me A River’.

Jimmy: Well, according to your Twitter and Instagram fan page—

Bill: I’m still really mad Richie leaked that.

Jimmy: [laughs] You’re a huge David Tennent fan. We you at all starstruck when you met him?

Bill: Of course, I was, it’s fucking David Tennent. I literally couldn’t look him in the eye, or I would just stop breathing.

Jimmy: You are aware of the fact that you’re going to have to co-direct this movie, right?

Bill: Yeah, I think I might have to wear a Life Alert necklace just in case.

***

[Bill and Richie Answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions on WIRED]

[Bill peels off the scrap to reveal ‘Is Bill Denbrough Single?’]

Bill: Uh…yes, I am.

Richie: But he is ready to mingle.

Bill: I’m not, actually, but I would make an exception for you, Richie.

Richie: Take me out tonight and we’ll see where this goes.

Bill: Deal.

***

[The Losers Play Guess That Horror Movie Villain]

[a picture of Skeet Ulrich from the movie Scream shows up]

Bill: [stares at photo intently]

Eddie: Freddy Krueger.

Richie: You’ve guessed that for the past 5 rounds.

Eddie: I don’t watch horror movies, sue me.

Bill: [continues to stare the photo]

Ben: Norman Bates.

Beverly: That movie was in black and white, this is clearly a colored image.

Ben: I also don’t watch horror movies; I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

Bill: [still staring]

Mike: Bill, you know every horror movie known to man, who the fuck is this?

Bill: [just keeps on staring]

Richie: [snaps fingers in front of Bill’s face]

Bill: [startled] What the fuck?

Richie: Answer the question, dipshit.

Bill: It’s Billy Loomis aka Ghostface from Scream, obviously.

Beverly: [sarcastically] Obviously…

Richie: Why didn’t you say anything sooner?

Bill: [defensively] Skeet Ulrich is a very attractive man, it’s sometimes distracting!

***

 

[Richie’s Instagram Story of Bill crying aggressively to Call Me By Your Name]

Bill: [sobbing] There so in love, it hurts—it physically hurts. Why can’t I have a romance like this? Why can’t someone hold me the way Oliver holds Elio. It’s bullshit!

[Bill throws his tissues at the TV]

***

[Bill Denbrough on The Late Late Show with James Cordon alongside Kate Beckinsale]

Bill: [to Kate] I just need to say that when they told me that you were going to my co-guest for this show, I lost my shit. I was like ‘why do I even need to be there, their all going to be staring at Kate anyway’.

Kate: Oh, that’s not true.

Bill: I write books for a living, Kate. You literally glow and people pay you for that.

***

[Bill on Anna Faris’s podcast ‘Unqualified’]

Anna: Do you ever like question why certain actors agree to star in your movies?

Bill: Yeah, all the fucking time. Like literally yesterday in casting for my new movie, I saw Scarlett Johansson.

Anna: ScarJo?

Bill: THE ScarJo. I like stared at her for 10 minutes before my casting director, Annie, told me that I looked like a pervert.

Anna: I mean it’s ScarJo, how could you not stare at her?

Bill: Exactly.

***

[Bill on The Ellen Show]

Ellen: Your friend Ben Hanscom has recently been nominated for the Sexiest Man Alive award. How do you feel about that?

Bill: I mean it’s not surprising, Ben is like…really hot. All my friends are really hot, it’s disconcerting. They were all like I dunno…solid 5s as kids and then they grew up and now they’re 11s. Don’t tell them that, it’ll go straight to their heads.

***

[Bill Denbrough Rates YA Novel Heroes on Vanity Fair]

Bill: Harry Potter was a bit of a dick, man. Hermione did all the work for him, and he just took credit for most of it. I’m gonna give him a hard 4.

Bill: Ok, Jacob from Twilight did do some questionable things, but he’s hot so…6.

Bill: John Ambrose from To The Boys I Loved Before is a treasure, and Laura Jean should’ve picked him…9.

Bill: Katniss Everdeen…a badass who did the mostest even though her sack of rocks boyfriend, Peeta, was a sack of rocks. She also looked flawless while wrecking people’s shit…um, maybe I’m relying too much on the movies but 10.

***

Octavia Leonard @biandreadytocry

Just some casual heterosexual staring…as you do

*linked YouTube video called Bill Denbrough staring at Mike Hanlon for 3 minutes straight*

 

 

Bill Denbrough @billiamdenbrough

replying to @biandreadytocry

Mike’s an attractive man. You’d stare at him all day too if you had the chance.

***

[Beverly’s Instagram Livestream with Bill and Stan]

Beverly: Kiss, Marry, Kill—Richie, Eddie, Mike. Go.

Stan: Uh…kiss Eddie, marry Mike, and kill Richie.

Beverly: Richie’s going to come after you.

Stan: I stand by my opinions. You?

Beverly: I’d marry Mike cause he’s the sweetest, I’d kiss Richie because we do that already and he’s actually a good kisser, so I guess that means I’m killing Eddie. Sorry, Eddie. Bill, go.

Bill: If Ben’s not an option then I’m not playing.

***

[Bill on his podcast ‘Derry: A True Crime Podcast’]

Bill: …I used to fake injuries in the middle of my classes all the time just to see the nurse. Like he didn’t do shit, but he sure could give you an Ibuprofen with flair.

***

[Bill’s Instagram Livestream]

Bill: One of the comments said, ‘who’s your man crush’. Uh…Ezra Miller, he’s like a sexy vampire with cheekbones you could cut yourself on. Hot.

***

Bill Denbrough @billiamdenbrough

I live for the day they make Jake Peralta bisexual. It’s so obvious: the way he flirts with men, his affinity for pointing out hot guys, and his leather jacket over hoodie combo.

 

 

Richie Tozier @trashmouthtozier

replying to @billiamdenbrough

God, this sounds so familiar

 

 

Beverly Marsh @bevvyboop

replying to @billiamdenbrough @trashmouthtozier

Richie, I swear to god—

***

[Bill’s Instagram Livestream]

Bill: …I only saw Titanic because of Leonardo DiCaprio, but I continued to watch it for Kate Winslet.

***

[Beverly’s Instagram Story]

[Bill is on Bev’s couch watching Fifty Shades of Grey with her]

Bill: What is it with girls being into creepy men who are so obviously trying to get into their pants? Like let him take you to dinner first. If I was a woman—

Beverly: Nope.

Bill: Ok, fine, but I wouldn’t let Christian anywhere near me if he didn’t at least take me an Olive Garden.

***

[Bill Denbrough on his book ‘Sewers’]

Interviewer: It’s revealed towards the end of the book that Ronnie, Bailey, and Will are all tossed into a polyamorous relationship. What is the reasoning or inspiration behind that?

Bill: Uh…well I wanted to modernize the story in a way—Ronnie comes out as gay during the falling action and I wanted him to be with someone. I always kinda wrote Will to be a bit uh…queer, so I liked the idea of him and Ronnie together. Bailey being added to the relationship was kinda a last-minute decision that I did so that she could get over her fear of falling in love.

Interviewer: Fans always talk about why you didn’t just pair Bailey up with Sven, who desperately had a crush on her.

Bill: Um…well in the sequel I’m currently writing, things will not be as they were left off at the end of Sewers.

Interviewer: Could we possibly see an end to Ronnie, Bailey, and Will’s relationship?

Bill: Who knows? Ronnie may realize he’s in love with another member of The Underachievers, Sven might fall in love with someone else, Will might finally do the unspeakable and label his ambiguous sexuality.

***

[The Loser Take the Best Friends Test on BuzzFeed Celeb]

Bill: What celebrity did I accidentally kiss at Conan O’Brien’s Christmas Party?

The Losers: …

Bill: Seriously, none of you?

Stan: You never told us this story.

Bill: I did. You guys were all disgusted with me.

Richie: [quickly] Bill Hader!

Bill: That’s right.

The Losers: [all cringe and fake gag]

Beverly: Why—how—why the fuck did you kiss Bill Hader, our sworn enemy?

Bill: I don't man, we were both drunk and there was mistletoe above us...and we just like fuck it.

Ben: Did you like it?

Bill: …

***

[Beverly’s Instagram Livestream with all the Losers except Bill]

Beverly: …he’s a dumb bitch.

Richie: Just because I forgot Australia was a continent doesn’t mean you can hate on me.

Stan: Kinda does, Rich.

Eddie: This is basic geography.

Richie: I’m really stoned, ok? Someone could point to a lamp shade and I would believe it’s Beyoncé.

Mike: They both shine.

Ben: That is true.

[There’s a sudden shut of a door and all the Losers look away from the screen]

A Voice That Sounds Like Bill: [offscreen] MEN ARE REALLY HOT!

***

Bill Denbrough @billiamdenbrough

To absolutely no one’s surprise, I’m bisexual. Turns out having really dirty thoughts about men isn’t just a ‘being comfortable in your sexuality’ type thing. Regardless, I can now enjoy the r/billdenbroughisbi subreddit on Reddit and not be defensive. Thank you all.

***

Thanks For Watching

 

Comments:

Apple Tater:

Bill’s bisexuality arc is better than anything on television

3.2k likes

 

Cynthia Wire:

Ok, but I lowkey want Bill Hader and Bill Denbrough to date

5.7k likes

 

Luna T. Gardner:

I love how all the Losers knew Bill was bi but let him figure it out himself

311 likes

 

Lana Del Gay:

Just imagine having a chill time with your friends and Bill comes running through the door yelling that men are hot

1.2k likes

 

is it dodie yellow tho:

Bill twitter blasting that he believes Jake Peralta is bi is the content all celebrities should be putting out

2.0k likes

 

Quentin:

Everything that Bill said in this video could be put on a bi advocate t-shirt

5.9k likes

 

Johan Says Gay Rights:

Bill: “If I was a woman”

Bev: “nope”

Bill: “ok”

233 likes

 

Garlicy Sheen Shane:

Bill is the bicon all of us deserve

509 likes

 

Beverly Marsh Is My Mom:

Bill being distracted by Skeet Ulrich is a whole ass mood

189 likes