I woke up to what I thought was going to be an uneventful day, boy was I wrong. Papi was reading the paper while drinking coffee. I had poured myself some and joined papi at the bar. Over the past 6 months, my heart had healed. Working with Carisi no longer hurt. Papi looked relaxed. His date with Tony last night must have went well. I heard my text alert go off, upon checking it, I found that a text had come through from Fin about a woman who was found early this morning in a park without her underwear. I texted back that I would be at the hospital as soon as possible. I finished my coffee and headed upstairs to get ready. Before I got to my room, I saw Tony come out of papi’s bedroom. Definitely good last night. Once I was showered and dressed, I grabbed a croissant, kissed papi’s cheek and waved goodbye to papi’s boyfriend.
I met Fin outside the hospital room. He explained that the rape kit was being done. Soon the nurse came out and let us in to introduce ourselves. She said her name was Tina Nickels and that she didn’t want to talk to us. I gave her my card and explained that when she was ready to talk, she could call me or come to our precinct. Although she did give us permission to take the rape kit that was preformed. I could tell she was scared and confused. To be honest, I thought that she reminded me of me after my rape. Fin and I headed back to the precinct with the rape kit. As we walked in, Carisi’s girlfriend walked past us. I hadn’t actually met Francesca yet, and judging by the look she gave me, Carisi had told her about me. Luckily Fin saw this and made sure that I was headed to my desk. I could see Fin talking to Carisi, but from this distance, I couldn’t tell what about.
Seeing Marisol with Tina, was different. It was like she knew what Tina was going through. She was quiet in the car back to the precinct. Once there, we walked out of the elevator and straight into Carisi’s girlfriend. I had met her a few times when she would stop by or when we went out for drinks. I thought she was nice, but then I saw how she looked at Marisol. It was like she instantly hated Marisol. I got Marisol away from Francesca and on her way to her desk. I spotted Carisi in the break room and went to confront him.
“Carisi, we need to talk”
“About what Fin?”
“Your girlfriend. I got the feeling she doesn’t like Marisol”
“I don’t know what you are talking about Fin, when I told her about all of you, I also told her about Marisol and how I used to like her”
“You idiot. No one likes to hear about the person. That you or anyone liked before them. It makes them feel as though you are settleling for them, while waiting for that first person to become available “
“Oh. Shit. I told Francesca that I had absolutely no feelings at al for Marisol, that I felt betrayed by her and her boyfriend”
“Barba. Marisol tried to tell me that there was nothing between them, but the way they look at each other”
“You are more of an idiot than I thought Carisi. Marisol and Barba are not a couple. They are good friends. If you hadn’t noticed, Marisol had dated other men since you accused her and Barba”
I looked behind me and saw Marisol watching us. As soon as she had seen me looking, she turned back to her computer. I left Carisi to ponder his mistake. I headed back to my desk. Marisol and Amanda went out to pick up lunch for everyone and I could see Carisi on his phone talking to his girlfriend, hopefully trying to fix his mistake. I decided to send Barba a text as a heads up.
Fin saw me looking so I went back to my work. Soon enough, Fin came back. I wanted to ask what they were talking about, but decided against it. By lunchtime, we were all getting hungry, so Amanda suggested that she and I get lunch for everyone. With everyone’s lunch orders in hand, we headed to a squad car. I got behind the wheel and Amanda in the front passenger seat. On the way to get lunch, she turned to me
“So, what was all that about with you, Fin and Francesca?”
“Nothing Amanda so drop it”
“From what I saw, she doesn’t like you very much”
“Amanda, please just drop it. If she doesn’t like me, then she doesn’t like me”
I pulled up to the café and got out, Amanda followed. I was glad that she had dropped it. Once Amanda had paid, we headed back to the precinct. I didn’t want to admit, but I was sad that Francesca didn’t like me. She had no reason to. If she felt threatened, perhaps it was best that I transfer like i originally planned.
Once everyone had their lunches, I texted papi to see what he thought of my transferring, he texted back straight away saying that we would talk when I got home. I ate my lunch wishing for the day to be over. It was about 2pm when the desk Sargent called me over. Tina had asked for me. I smiled at her and showed her to the interview room we usually use for kids. I thought it might be best that Fin not be a part of the interview and he suggested Amanda. I brought Amanda up to speed before we walked in with drinks.
“Hi Tina, this is Detective Amanda Rollins and she is going to be joining us. ok?”
Amanda took a seat across from Tina while I motioned to the seat next to Tina.
“Is it alright if I sit next to you Tina?”
“That’s fine” Tina smiled, “you seam nice”
Amanda took out her notebook to take down what Tina said
“Ok Tina, why don’t you tell us what you remember. Every little detail can help us. Have you been seeing anyone?”
“Yes. I think it was him that…”
“Its ok Tina. Why don’t you start from the beginning then”
Tina looked down with tears in her eyes before she looked back up and wiped the tears away. She began to tell us her tale
“His name is Ben Donaldson and I met him at a bus stop. He seamed nice. He’s about 2 years younger than me and slightly shorter, but that didn’t matter to me. I had only dated one person before and it felt nice to be noticed. We swapped numbers and soon it was my stop. I got off and minutes later, I received a text from him asking me out. I texted back yes. About 30 minutes later I received another text from him. It was a photo. It was of his penis. I should have known what kind of man he is, but I didn’t listen to myself. Soon we started dating. We had sex for the first time on our second date. I would stay at his at least once a week. One day he suggested that I give him a blowjob. Even though I wasn’t a virgin, I had never given one before. I tried, but I gagged and stopped. He didn’t push me about it after that.
I met his mum, stepdad and grandmother [who didn’t like me] and some of his friends. N our 3rd date, he said that he loved me and from then on, he would that he loved me and he would ask me if I loved him. He started pressuring me to say it, that eventually I said it just so he would stop asking. There were a couple of times he would ask if I would have a 3-way with his friends. I said no, that I wouldn’t every time he asked. One night, he asked me if I want to have anal sex. I told him no. He said that he had with his previous girlfriends. Still I said no.
We had been dating for about 3 ½ months when once again I was staying at his place. We were on his bed and he got up behind me. Once again he asked me if I wanted to have anal sex and once again, I said no. I thought that would be the end of that, before I felt the head of his penis start to press against me and begin to press inside me. I felt pain and straight away, I told him that I said no, ,that I didn’t want to do that. He stopped and pulled out what he had pressed in. I’m not sure how much he had pushed in, I think it was just the tip. I still stayed the night.
A week later, we were in the back seat of his new car when he suggested that I give him a blowjob. I told him no, that I didn’t want to do that. Next thing I know, I felt his head on the back of my head and pushing my head towards his penis as though to force me to give him a blowjob. I managed to get my head out from under his hand and I slapped him hard. I told him to never to do that again. I told him to take me home. We got back into the front of that car and drove off”
“That was last night. After that I don’t remember” Tina said crying
“Thank you for telling us. That helps us. We can have some of the other detectives bring him in for questioning. I do have to tell you that that sometime between last night and early this morning, you were raped. There is evidence of tearing and DNA. Hopefully with your statement, we will be able to get a DNA sample from Ben to compare with the sample in the rape kit” Amanda said to Tina.
I handed her some tissues while Amanda went to give the information on Ben that Tina had given us to Fin and Carisi. I had to ask Tina something about what she said
“Tina when you said that Ben tried to have anal sex with you, did he use any lubrication or prepare you at all?”
“What do you mean, prepare me or use lubrication?”
“So that you are ready for anal sex and so that it doesn’t hurt”
“No, he didn’t use any lubrication or prepare me”
Amanda came back in with something for Tina to eat and drink
“What happens if you can’t prove that he raped me, what if it turns out to be someone else and you never find him. What then?”
I looked over to Amanda before looking towards the mirror that I knew Benson, Fin and Carisi were watching from the other side in Benson’s office. I knew that the only way to assure Tina that we were going to do everything to find the man that raped her and that I understood what she was going through was to tell my story, even though papi and I had agreed to never let the squad know. I had to talk. I wanted to be the person for Tina that I wished I had when I was in her position. So I began.
“I was 16 and I was walking to my grandmother’s place in the Bronx. I live with my dad and I have nothing to do with my mother. I remember walking past an alley way and then hands grabbed me and pulled me back. I was pushed against the wall and the back of my head hit the wall. I know there were 3 men. They took turns raping me, at one point at the same time. I was sore all over. I could feel them inside me, finishing inside me. I eventually blacked out. I must have woken up at some point because I had managed to make it to my grandmother’s who called for an ambulance and then my father. I remember being prodded everywhere. The detectives asked me lots of questions, but I could only answer so many. I didn’t see their faces. My father took me home and my grandmother, godmother and cousin all stayed at the house to help dad look after me.
A month later, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. Even though I had taken the morning after pill the hospital gave me. I was scared, my dad supported me in what ever I decided to do. I was torn about what to do about my pregnancy, terminate it, give it up for adoption or keep it. I decided that termination was off the table. Just as I passed 3 months, I had decided that I was going to keep my baby. I was at school when I felt a sharp pain, so I went to the nurse. She saw that i was bleeding. She immediately called for an ambulance. I miscarried that night. I didn’t know what to think. I had started to get excited.even though I didn’t know who the father was, it was still half me. School was never the same. I ended up transferring to a school in the Bronx .
6 months after my rape, there was a knock on the front door. My dad answered it and saw that it was the lead detective on my case Tomas Peters, and a cop I had never met before. We were in the lounge-room when the cop introduced himself and said that he worked for vice. He explained that he was working a case about a drug ring when the bust he was working went south. One guy kept shooting at him so he shot back and killed him. The DNA was ran and Tomas said that there was a match to a rape case, my case. I finally had a name of 1 of the 3.
I graduated a year early and stayed in the city going to NYU. I was doing well, then I came home one day to find Tomas [who was now a Sargent] was sitting on the couch in the living room. He informed me of a drug overdose. There was no ID, so they ran his finger prints and DNA. We now had the name of the 2nd man. After all these years, I still didn’t know the name of the 3rd man.
Everything I have done has lead me here to help you Tina. I know exactly what you have been through, what you are going through right now and what you will go through in the future. I have contacts that can help you learn to heal and get you through this. If you ever need to talk, you have my number”
I could see Amanda watching me with shock and tears in her eyes. I lead Tina out with a promise to keep her updated on everything. I knew that Amanda had joined the others in Benson’s office. So now it was time face them.
I could tell that something was upsetting Marisol. Then she started to talk. I was shocked and felt for both Marisol and Rafael. My heart broke for them. She got pregnant by one of those bastard, but they had mentioned a child. Then she mentioned bleeding and the miscarriage. I looked over at Liv and I could see the tears running down her face. If only she knew. Carisi was just staring at her. I’m not sure if he believed Marisol. I turned back to Marisol and she started talking about finding out one of the names after transferring schools, her grandmother’s I was sure. I had a theory about who the unnamed cop was, but I would have to wait to ask. Just hearing her talking, I was proud of her.
She was now talking about learning the name of the 2nd man, but not knowing the 3rd man’s name yet.the way Tina was holding Marisol’s hands and crying, gave me hope that if we find out who raped Tina and got the evidence, she would go on the stand and help convict her rapist. Amanda I could see was in complete shock. When Marisol finished her story, she and Tina got up, hugged and Marisol lead her out. Amanda walked into Liv’s office where we were. She had also been crying. I heard the door to the office open and watched Marisol walk in.
I was watching Marisol connecting with Tina in a way I had never seen before. But then, in order to get Tina’s trust, she started speaking about her own rape at 16 by 3 men, how she found out that the rape had gotten her pregnant and about her indecision’s about what to do before deciding to keep the baby only to have it taken away from her in a painful way. She talked about learning the 1st man’s name, then the second. I now understood why Captain Peters said that she would be an amazing asset to my squad. I could feel tears rolling down my face. The pain Marisol and her family ,use have felt at the rape, pregnancy and miscarriage would have been heartbreaking. I could see Fin looking at me and I thought that perhaps Fin knew more about Marisol than the rest of us. All too soon, Marisol was walking Tina out and Amanda walked in. I wasn’t the only one that had been crying. None of us said anything.we were stilling to absorb everything. I was about to ask Amanda how she was feeling when the door to my office opened and Marisol stepped in.
After I saw Tina out, I turned back to Benson’s office and saw them still gathered in front of the mirror. I know it had to be done, so I walked to the office and opened the door. Everyone was looking at me. I walked in
“So, I guess we should talk”