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Crossing The Line

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How could one describe Gulf Kanawut?

Upon first observation, one might say he was quiet and shy while others may have taken him as cold and emotionless.

 

But when Mew Suppasit took his first look, he thought one thing and one thing only:

 

Don’t fall in love.

 

Gulf immediately intrigued Mew. Surrounded by a bunch of people, yet Mew has never seen him around. Was he new? Or had he just never crossed paths with him?

Mew wanted to talk to him, but he shouldn’t.

Don’t make things worse for yourself Mew.

 

So he didn’t.

At least not until auditions.

Mew had just wanted to play the role of San, heck he was on the older side and he could easily pull it off. Mew was definitely not aiming for Tharn...yet somehow he found himself in his 8th read through for Tharn with the 8th different man trying to pull off the character of Type.

 

But then he saw him...the man from the lobby. Gulf Kanawut. And from the nervous jitters…it was evident he was a newbie. But it came as a surprise for Mew that Gulf was the best actor he had been paired up with yet.

He felt such intense chemistry from the second they locked eyes, and he knew that Gulf was his favorite yet. What he didn’t know was that he had made Gulf blush so hard that his ears turned red.

After being asked by the casting directors who he chose as his favorite, he immediately went with Gulf. Little did he know:

Gulf picked him as well.

Don’t fall in love Mew. Not again.

It was Mew’s mission. This time around he would do things differently. He wouldn’t let himself become too vulnerable. He would do fan service but keep his distance.

He would not make the same mistakes.

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Gulf was nervous. He was a new actor, and could easily not get the job. He didn’t get his hopes up for anything. It was the only way he would survive with a job like this.

 

He was going for the character of Type, though the personality of Type didn’t quite match his own, he was up for a challenge. 

 

He went through the same scene over and over again, with different Tharn’s and occasionally some different directions to spice things up. It had almost gotten boring...that was until he came in. 

 

Mew Suppasit. 

 

He had heard of him of course. He had made a name for himself in the acting community. But the most well known thing might’ve been his scandal with his ex-costar. But that was none of Gulf’s business and he knew that. He would not judge Mew based off of his past, but his acting. 

 

Gulf could immediately pin Mew as a nice guy from the moment he walked in. He had a smile on his face, and greeted everyone with the utmost respect. He introduced himself, making sure to make eye contact with Gulf, showing that he was genuine. 

 

And before Gulf knew it, the scene was starting. 

 

Gulf has started it off as though he was just going through the same motions again. But at some point, things felt different. 

 

Mew...well... Tharn had grabbed his leg and looked him in his eyes, asking for the same in return. And while Gulf had faked shyness in previous run throughs, he truly felt it this time. He felt immersed in the role, but he also felt his ears turn red. Mew was by far the best Tharn he had been with. So when the directors asked, of course he said what he felt.

 

And it felt like destiny...the casting directors said Tharn has picked him too. And after about an hour, Mew and Gulf were given the news...they would play the characters of Tharn and Type in the new series. 

 

What could go wrong?

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They had exchanged numbers after hearing the good news that they were the two to be picked. As the days went by they heard news of other castings until everything was finally complete. They were ready to have the first workshop.

 

Workshops were important. It helped the actors build chemistry to hopefully avoid any on-screen awkwardness. It also gave the actors an opportunity to get to know each other better. 

 

Mew knew all about workshops. He went through a ton of them during his last show experience. Reflecting back on it, he realized that could’ve been the start of where all had gone wrong. This time he would do it differently.

 

Gulf had no experience in this area, and truly didn’t know what to expect. He had mustered the courage to text Mew a few times with some questions, and of course Mew was nice enough to give him proper responses while comforting his nerves. 

 

The two went in with different mindsets surely. And it made for an interesting first workshop to say the least. 

 

They decided to go over some of the earlier scenes in the show, because the directors and author felt that if they could handle the feelings of hate between each other, the love will come just as naturally. 

 

Mew was shocked at how amazing Gulf was when acting so cruel as Type. He was such a nice guy who seemed as though he could never hurt a fly, but when he got into character boy did he seem like he could do some damage. 

 

Tharn was not so different from Mew himself. Maybe that was what made it so hard for Mew to truly understand the character. It was frustrating him nonetheless. 

 

Yes, the chemistry was there. But there was something off and Mew was not the only one to notice…

 

“Hey Mew, is there something wrong?” The director was the first one to speak up about the odd feeling in the room. 

 

“I just can’t seem to get into character 100% I don’t know why...I just don’t truly understand Tharn”

It was obvious to everyone around that Mew was frustrated. 

 

“Let’s have a break everyone!”

 

The director came over to Mew and Gulf, and talked to them together. 

 

“You guys are doing great, really I mean it. This is an amazing first workshop and you guys have made great progress! It’s okay if you don’t truly feel for the character right away...we still have plenty more to do!”

 

The words were comforting for Mew, and Gulf as well though Gulf had already felt as though he clicked with his character. 

 

Mew realized the director was right. It was just the first workshop! He shouldn’t be so concerned…

 

But after 4 workshops...maybe he should be.

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Workshop #4...there were only two more until they started filming the first episode. Mew was nervous, to say the least. More than that, he was frustrated. He was frustrated with himself for not being able to just get into character. It had always been so easy for him, and he had acted many times with characters just as complex as Tharn...it shouldn’t be this hard. Yet it was.

 

They were walking through a somewhat sweet yet passionate scene, where Tharn kissed Type in the bar. Gulf was amazing...Mew admired him for how great he was at such a young age. He was able to convey all of his characters emotions through a simple look in his eyes, or with a slight furrow of his eyebrows. Mew knew that Gulf was not to blame for his acting stump. He was doing everything right, and Mew was of no help. 

 

“Do you want to know what P’Jeed whispered to me?”

 

“What?”

 

“If you want to know...come closer.”

 

“What a pain in the ass.”

 

Gulf inched his face closer to Mew’s with the cutest little angry face Mew has ever seen. He really could understand why Tharn would fall for such a guy. 

 

“She asked me...if I really see you as a friend.”

 

Mew leaned in for the kiss, as he was scripted to, but what was supposed to be a scene that evoked feeling out of the audience turned into an awkward and unpassionate touch of the lips. 

 

“Okay! Let’s stop here...I think we are going to wrap it up for today...Mew can I speak with you?”

 

Even the director knew...Mew was the issue.

 

They sat down in the corner of the room, and Mew expected to be torn apart but instead he was met with sincere eyes and a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“I can tell you are trying...I know you are. I’m not sure why we can’t seem to get the connection to really be where it should. You are both amazing actors and I have seen your previous works...I know you can deliver, especially on the more intimate scenes. So I’m not sure why it has been coming off so odd? Do you and Gulf need more bonding time? Are things awkward with you two?”

 

“No—no it’s not him at all...it’s me. I should be able to connect with this character so easily, as he’s really similar to me...but I can’t seem to get it right”

 

“Maybe that’s making it harder, that Tharn is like you. Just be in touch with your emotions...and don’t hold anything back”

 

And at that moment Mew knew what was wrong...he was holding back. He was protecting himself from a potential repeat of his past. But he wasn’t going to let that get to him and ruin this show...he wouldn’t ruin Gulf’s acting debut. He was going to have to give it his all, and if that meant putting himself at risk then it’s simply something he is going to have to face. They are both grown men...not everyone is like him ...not everyone would hurt him the way he did.

 

Mew was wrapped up in his thoughts when he heard a soft voice call out his name, breaking himself out of his own head. 

 

“Mew? Can we talk?”

 

Gulf’s eyes were huge. His doe eyes had the ability to plead with and woo the one he was looking at like a puppy at the feet of its owner. 

 

“Yeah of course”

 

Mew and Gulf sat down a few steps away from where Mew has previously sat with his director. 

 

“I’m just wondering if you are okay? I want you to be able to tell me what is on your mind...and if there is anything I should be doing better that I’m not please tell me, I want to make this show awesome and I know I have a lot to learn still and you are someone who can teach me a lot—”

 

Mew felt the need to end his horribly incorrect train of thought.

 

“—Gulf. Really, you don’t need to worry at all. You are an amazing actor, truly. And I can tell you are going to be one of the greats someday. I am sorry that I have been lacking, it has nothing to do with you. It was all me. But I think I’ve finally figured it out.”

 

Gulf nodded his head but suddenly his eyes lit up and locked with Mews. 

 

“Do you want to—maybe—run the scene again?”

 

There were only a couple of people left in the room, as everyone was clearing out from the workshop. Some of the other actors were still sitting around going over some final things, and Mild and Kaownah—playing Techno and Lhong—has started to make their way over to Mew and Gulf. 

 

“Yeah sure I would love to go over it again”

 

“Oooo you guys are going over the scene again? Let us watch!!”

 

They all laughed a bit, lightning up the previously thick tension filled air. A couple of the other actors had gathered around to watch the main couple show off their chemistry. 

 

The scene had started off the same as always...it was the easy part, but they were approaching the more difficult area as their glances meant everything to the cameras and to the viewers. Mew had already shown improvement as he glanced at Gulf’s eyes and then his lips without a moment of uncomfortable feelings. 

 

“If you want to know...come closer.”

 

“What a pain in the ass.”

 

Thankfully it was now over...a relief to Mew to finally be done—

 

Gulfs lips were on his. Gulfs lips were on his .

 

At first Mew heard the little gasps and slight cheers from the surrounding actors, but eventually it drowned out. 

 

Mew was confused, because usually, at least in the past when he ran through stuff like this casually with other actors they would not actually do the kiss...but Gulf did?

 

Mew kissed back, of course, he had to.

 

It ended abruptly as Gulf shoved Mew off of him... why did he do that? —oh right. the scene. Type pushed Tharn off of his lips. 

 

Gulf’s intense stare turned into a bright smile with crinkled eyes, which indicated to Mew that the scene was finally over.

 

“Why’d you do that?” Mew had to ask.

 

“Because you took too long” Gulf was unphased, but also he was right, as it was Tharn who was supposed to hiss Type in this scene, not the other way around.

 

Mild started poking fun at them, he had already known Mew from previous acting and they were good friends, yet he seemed to get close with Gulf very quickly as well. After a few last minutes of mocking, everyone has packed their stuff up and walked out together. Soon they would begin filming, and that’s when it would all feel very real…

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Ever since that last workshop, things had been great. Mew finally let go and let himself fall into character, which matched perfectly with Gulfs interpretation of his own character. This was all in great timing, as shooting for the first episode was just about to begin. 

 

Mew still kept his distance though. Not in a rude way, but he made sure not to become too close with Gulf outside of acting. And it was a hard thing to do, as Gulf was a really nice and genuinely fun guy to be around. 

 

Mew walked onto set for the very first time, and it was everything he could’ve imagined. Filming for the first episode would likely take a long time as the whole cast and crew had to get used to this atmosphere, but it was an exciting thought. 

 

Gulf on the other hand was a bit bewildered. This was his first time experiencing such a thing, and he was nervous that he would be the one to mess up. He didn’t want to seem unprofessional or inexperienced, even though in reality, he was inexperienced.

 

“Hey! Gulf!”

 

It was Mew, with a huge smile on his face. Gulf instantly felt comforted as he realized that even if he messed up, he would have Mew by his side the whole time. Though Gulf knew they weren’t super close, they were close enough in his mind. 

 

“Hey! Are you excited?” Gulf tried to push down his nerves. But Mew could sense it.

 

“Yeah actually I’m really nervous, which must sound weird because I’ve done this before but hey guess we can’t help but have nerves sometimes, right?”

 

Gulf knew what Mew was trying to do, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

 

“Right! Anyways we should probably get to hair and makeup” 

 

Mew nodded along as they walked to hair and makeup, both feeling a little better about the day ahead of them. 

 

Shooting was mostly easy, as it was all of the scenes they have gone over many times. And many of these early scenes were easier, as it was all anger for Type and playfulness from Tharn. The only scene that seemed to cause any trouble was the last of the episode. 

 

“Cut! Gulf, Type is supposed to be drunk and asleep so he should be very unresponsive. Try not to respond to the kiss!”

 

It was hard honestly, and Gulf didn’t know why. It’s weird not to respond to a kiss, and hell Mew was good at it. But Gulf tried his best, and eventually he was able to hear the words ‘Cut’ followed by ‘that’s a wrap for today!’

 

“Hey, great job today! Really, you are amazing for this to be your first project”

 

Mew knew how to compliment. 

 

“Thank you. I was nervous but you really helped, so thank you.”

 

Gulf had the cutest doe eyes. Mew didn’t want to say goodbye for the night. 

 

“Hey are you busy tonight—

 

Mew what are you doing

 

—and if you’re not too tired—

 

God please Mew stop yourself 

 

—maybe we could go out for some celebratory drinks?”

 

You’ve done it Mew you really have, it’s over for you. 

 

“That sounds great!”

 

Screwed. That’s what you are.

 

  • ••

 

And that’s how Mew and Gulf found themselves at the bar, just the two of them, after filming the first episode. Mew was older than Gulf by a good amount, so he felt that he should be the responsible one. And he also didn’t want to do anything stupid that he would regret the next morning. So he made sure to drink a little less, and encourage Gulf to drink a little more. 

 

After about an hour Gulf was what one would call tipsy. And he seemed to be rambling about his life, friends, and family until he reached a different topic—his girlfriend. 

 

“Yeah I have a girlfriend...we have been together for a while mmm she wasn’t too sure about me taking this job but I told her it’s an opportunity! A good one! And of course she couldn’t change my mind. I’m so glad I took this job anyways, everyone is so nice. Yes. My girlfriend doesn’t mind anymore. She’s busy with work. Real busy.”

 

Mew just sat back and listened. He had a girlfriend. That was good to know. Honestly it was great in some ways. It was a reality check. Mew didn’t need to hold back from their friendship. Gulf was straight and he was taken. That was enough to keep Mew from feeling anything. This was different than his past. 

 

“C’mon buddy I think it’s time we go home.”

 Mew slung his arm over Gulf and walked him out to his car, shoving him in the front seat. 

 

“Thank you Mew, for today, and for tonight really you are like a great big brother”

 

That cemented it for Mew. Big brother . He could do that. He could be that for Gulf. This was different than his past. 

 

“No problem Gulf, now where do you want me to take you?”

 

“Can we just go back to your place?”

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“M-my place?”

 

“Yeah I live farrr let’s just go” 

Gulf had the most adorable drag at the end of his words when he was drunk.

 

So off they went to Mew’s apartment, which was only about 10 minutes away from the bar they were at. After helping Gulf out of the car, up the stairs, and into his bed Mew was what might be called exhausted . Gulf wasn’t terribly drunk or anything, just asleep, which meant he was nothing but dead weight.

 

Or so Mew thought until he heard the murmurs of Gulf from his bed.

 

“Mew...Mewwwww”

 

Adorable.

 

“Hey I’m right here what do you need?”

 

“Pants”

 

“You’re wearing pants”

 

“No silly--I’m in jeans I can’t sleep in jeans”

 

Mew couldn’t help but laugh. He had never seen Gulf like this. He was usually quite reserved and quiet even though they were closer now.

 

“No problem, let me go get you a pair”

 

Mew went through his closet trying to find pants that would fit Gulf. Gulf was about the same height as Mew, maybe even a little taller, but he was more of the skinny side.

 

“Here--take these, they should fit”

 

Mew thought it best he gave Gulf his privacy, and walked into the kitchen. After having a glass of water at the kitchen table, he peeked into his room to see Gulf sound asleep in his sweatpants--in his bed. Out of respect for the younger boy, Mew decided to grab an extra pillow and blanket out of his closet and sleep on the couch. Mew didn’t mind.

 

Tonight was fun. He’s just a fun, cute little brother. I’m okay with that. Nothing to be worried about.

 

Mew finally felt like he could take a deep breath for the first time in a long time--he couldn’t help but think back...couldn’t help but remember…

 

It was a nice day in October, yet Mew was what people might call “in the dumps”. He handled the situation wrongly...he knew he did. But he couldn’t help it. He thought it was real, he thought he loved him in return. But it was all fake...all fanservice. Mew knew that he shouldn’t have let himself get wrapped up into it, but he couldn’t help it.

 

Art meant everything to him. He had always known gender never mattered, but Art confirmed that for him. He had never felt this way towards any person in his life before. But he didn’t love him back.

 

Mew had kissed him.

 

He didn’t realize how much that one kiss would destroy his life.

 

The phone began to ring. It was Boss, his manager.

 

“Mew...I really think you should turn on Art’s live...its bad”

 

Mew hung up the phone immediately. There was no way...Art wouldn’t do this to him...would he?

 

“Mew kissed me. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t turn him down because I was scared that he might be sad.” Art had tears in his eyes as he spoke.

 

Why would he tell the world about this? Why would he embarrass me like this? Why?

 

These were the only thoughts running through Mew’s head as he could not comprehend why this couldn't just be something between the two of them. He was sad...but also beginning to feel anger towards Art. 

 

“He didn’t talk to begin with. And I talked every time. Every time”

 

Now Mew was mad. Art was making him out to be a bad person. This was all going wrong...this wasn’t what he wanted to happen.

 

“I’ve felt really bad because of Mew...Honestly I feel horrible right now”

 

Mew shut it off. He couldn’t listen to it for another second. His heart had dropped.

 

Was this who Art really was? Did their relationship--their friendship mean nothing? 

 

So Mew cried. It’s all he could do. He cried for days. He wouldn’t open his social media. He was terrified of what would face him. He felt as though the moment he opened that little blue and white icon...his life and career as he knew it would be over...and he couldn’t fix it.

 

It was a mistake. Loving Art--kissing Art...but most importantly--

 

--trusting Art.

 

Perhaps this wasn’t a moment in his life Mew wanted to be thinking back on right before bed, but he felt it was necessary. Mew took that deep breath, and he let it out. He let out his stress from the past. He didn’t need to feel it anymore. This was different. They were brothers. Him and Gulf were brothers.

 

  • ••

 

It was morning. And man did Gulf’s head hurt.

 

He heard the closing of the door. He wasn’t too drunk to remember last night. He was well aware he was in Mew’s apartment...but where was Mew?

 

Just as Gulf thought it, he saw a head peek in through the bedroom door.

 

“Oh, you’re awake...I just went out and got some breakfast--I also have coffee and some advil if you need”

 

Gulf was rather embarrassed.

 

“Thank you Mew...I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble last night or this morning--”

 

“--Gulf, don’t worry about it! Trust me you were a lot of fun last night, and I don’t mind helping you out. We’re brothers now right?”

 

“Right. Thank you”

 

The sight of Mew standing in the doorway, leaning on the framing with gray sweatpants on and a white t-shirt. Gulf felt a little funny--


-- it must be a hangover.