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keep you safe (forever and ever)

Summary:

Tony Stark was supposed to be retired. He was supposed to be relaxing. He definitely wasn't supposed to be doing anything that might put stress on his heart.

But when had anything ever gone the way it was supposed to?

Tony's fairly sure this is all part of Fury's master plan to kill him. So he enlists the help of one Spider-Baby and prepares to be a glorified babysitter to his de-aged teammates for a couple of days (read: however long Fury needs).

He's definitely not their father. And Peter isn't their brother. And they're not a family.

Tony just needs to keep telling himself that.

Notes:

hey everyone!!
i'm so excited to share my writing with all of you. this is my first story- i'm planning to make it fairly long. my plan right now is around thirty chapters but that might change as time goes on.
i don't own anything. i wish i did.

Chapter 1: the last place we left off

Notes:

chapter title inspiration and song rec is set the fire to the third bar by snow patrol.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tony Stark was officially retired.

After the final battle with Thanos, he had hung up his Iron Man gauntlets for good and announced to the public that while he would still be creating new tech for them, he would also be taking a step back from the public eye in order to place less stress on his heart.

Doctor’s orders.

Well, not really, but Dr. Cho had said that by all laws of nature the power from the Infinity Stones should have killed him, so Tony figured that was a good enough reason to treat himself to some rest and relaxation, with the people he cared the most about.

But Pepper had broken up with him and gotten with Bruce (Tony still cared for both of them deeply, but it was just too hard to be around them at the same time), Happy and May had finally stopped dancing around their feelings and become official (which meant that Tony was no longer allowed to make comments about May, but he barely ever saw them anymore anyway), and Rhodey was busy with his family (Tony definitely wasn’t jealous or anything). So he ended up spending most of his days by himself, which was completely fine with him. It was easier for him to focus like that anyway.

At least, that’s what he told everyone around him. But weekend after weekend, Peter showed up, with his overnight bag and at least three hours’ worth of stories.

Tony always got excited when Friday rolled around, but it wasn’t like he would ever tell anyone that. He was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to like spending time with someone half your age this much, even more sure that you weren’t supposed to watch shitty movies with them and let them fall asleep on you, and one hundred percent sure that you weren’t supposed to wish they were your actual kid.
Not that Peter made Tony feel any of those things, obviously.

And despite what Tony told himself, it didn’t stop him from running his hands through Peter’s hair as they watched Star Wars for the millionth time.

So, yes, you could say that Tony Stark was happy. And if not happy, then at least content. More content than he had been in a long time. (Of course it wasn’t only because of Peter. That would be ridiculous.)

In hindsight, he should have realized that it was too good to last.

Tony and Peter were down in the lab on Saturday afternoon, working diligently on a robot for Peter’s science fair when they got the call. Tony took one look, sighed, and set down the hammer he had been using. “Gently tap that piece on, Underoos. I have to take this.”

“Stark!” boomed Nick Fury from the phone. Tony rolled his eyes and Peter stifled a snort.

“To what do I owe your pleasure, Mad-Eye Moody?”

Fury scowled. “I have no idea who Mad-Eye Moody is, and I really don’t want to know.” Tony grinned at Peter, who had straightened like he was about to delve into an explanation of Hogwarts.

“So to what do I owe the pleasure of getting to talk to you?”

Fury sighed. “There’s been a situation.”

Tony frowned. “Like a bad situation?”

“Yes, like a bad situation, Stark! When have I ever called you to tell you something good? We’re not friends!”

“I wasn’t aware you had any friends.”

“Stark, I swear to-”

“Hey!” Peter interjected. “Hey, Mr. Fury, sir, what’s the issue? Uh, Tony and I are ready to help if needed.”

“Leave me out of this, Spider-Baby,” Tony said, easing himself back into his chair. “When I said I was done with the whole superhero gig, I really did mean it.”

“Excuse me!” Fury interjected. “I’ve now been on the phone with you for five whole minutes, which is five minutes longer than I ever wanted to talk to you, trust me. But I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important. It has to do with your old teammates.”

Tony felt a rush of guilt. Of course, he cared about all of them, but he wasn’t proud to admit that after they had gone back to saving the world and he had gone back to his lab, he hadn’t tried to stay in contact at all. He had talked to them a few times, but more often than not he just didn’t feel like responding to the messages they sent on their group chat. He told Peter he kept in touch with them, though. No sense in making the kid worry about him. “Okay, so what’s up with them? Are any hurt?”

Fury paused. “That’s not the description I would use, exactly.”

“So what is it, then?” Tony could already feel a migraine coming on.

“All the Avengers have been turned into children.”

“What?”

“Children, Stark. Little humans.” Tony bit down on his tongue.

“Well, how many of them?”

“I already said all of them! Why the fuck do you never listen?”

“As shocking as it might seem, it’s a little hard for me to wrap my head around, David Bowie.”

Fury’s good eye twitched. “Look, Stark, there are currently eight Avengers who are now children. And, as there is nowhere else to put them, you are now their new guardian.” Peter would have laughed at Tony if he hadn’t been worried the older man might have a heart attack right then and there. Sure enough, Tony immediately began sputtering.

“Fury, I am not a fucking babysitter! I do not have the time or the means to take care of eight children!”

“You’re a billionaire, Stark, and it’s not like you seem to have much to do these days anyway. I suggest you figure it out. We need to run some tests, so you have a week to prepare. Someone from my team will email you all the details shortly.” With those parting words, Fury disconnected the call.

“Wait- shit!” Tony yelled. “I don’t even know who the kids are! That bastard hung up on me!” He jumped up from his chair and began to pace around.

“It’s probably like Miss Natasha and Mr. Hawkeye and Mr. Rogers and all of them,” Peter volunteered. He seemed completely calm, as if adults that he knew and worked with got turned into children on a regular basis.

“Shit,” Tony muttered. “Shit, shit, shit! This is abso-fucking-lutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me, hands down. No fucking contest.”

Peter looked wounded. “You do know that I turned into dust, for, like, five years, right? Are you saying you didn’t miss me at all?” Tony ignored him.

“I can’t take care of anybody else, Pete! I can’t even take care of myself, for God’s sake. What the fuck am I going to do with eight kids?” Tony sank into his chair and put his head in his hands.

“It’ll be okay, Mr. Stark,” Peter said finally. “Look, you saved the entire universe, but you’re going to give up when it comes to taking care of a few kids? It won’t even be for very long, just until they can figure out how to reverse it.”

Tony finally looked up. “Okay.”

“Wait, did I really convince you that easily?”

“I wasn’t convinced. I just realized that I don’t seem to have a choice, and I would rather not be completely unprepared when Fury brings over the kids. Because I know him, and I know he’ll just drop the kids off and leave regardless of what I say. And you’re definitely helping me. Think of it as parent training. I’m actually doing you a favor, right?” The blood drained from Peter’s face.

“Mr. Stark, I’m sixteen years old! I can’t be their father!”

“You’re right,” Tony said. Peter exhaled. “You can be their big brother then.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. Pete, please.” Tony hated that his voice was starting to tip into begging, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to do this alone, and it wasn’t like he really had many people he could ask at the moment. As expected, Peter heaved a giant sigh and then relented.

“Fine, I’ll help. But I put my foot down at changing any diapers.”

Tony thought about it. “Deal.”

Peter reached over and they shook hands before a look came over Tony’s face that was not unlike a deer caught in headlights.

“Wait- Pete- I thought Fury said that they were all kids. There aren’t actually going to be any diapers involved, right?”

Notes:

i'll be figuring out an update schedule soon and letting you guys know.