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With You, My Heart Feels At Home

Chapter Text

Whatever I need to.

Whatever I need to do to protect you.

Whatever I need to do to keep you safe.

Whatever I need to do to make you happy.

 

 

These were the things going through Wuxian’s mind when Feng Xi asked him what he planned on doing. He knew that Feng Xi was asking about the situation given to him by the guild, what he planned on doing to track down this anomaly and succeed where everyone else failed, but at that moment, all he could think about wasn’t how he was going to solve this problem exactly, but what he could do to keep Feng Xi safe from it.

From up ahead, Feng Xi seemed to shake his head, and whether it was the trick of the light or not, Wuxian thought he could see the tips of his ears change colour before he turned around to head up the rest of the stairs. “Going in without a plan isn’t like you,” he said over his shoulder as he opened the door.

It took Wuxian a few moments for his mind to catch up and to follow the other into the building. Once inside, he no longer had to hide the fact that he wasn’t carrying the bags, so he moved them to give himself some space.

“I’ve done it a few times,” Wuxian said, which was true. In the past, he would hate making any decisions without thinking them over carefully and then creating a plan of action. However, in more recent years, he’s found himself going into something without any planning at all.

“And how well has that worked out for you?” Feng Xi asked, a small tilt to his head as he leaned with his back against the wall and arms crossed, waiting for the elevator to descend from wherever it had been last.

Wuxian felt his heart ache a little at the thought, at remembering just how well some of them have gone, and how well most of them haven’t.

 

Every time Wuxian found himself being impulsive, it always involved Feng Xi in some way.

 

More often than not it goes terribly, but Feng Xi made him do crazy things. Even now, he was being impulsive because of him. He didn’t know what he was doing, all he knew was he wanted to be by Feng Xi for a bit longer.

Instead of answering honestly, Wuxian just shrugged and said, “I haven’t been keeping track.”

“You should, that way I can know for a fact if my streak is better than yours,” Feng Xi raised an eyebrow. The elevator dinged and the doors opened, and once again, Feng Xi led the way with Wuxian following behind. Clicking the button that led to the top floor, the doors closed and the elevator slowly ascended. Wuxian watched as the numbers gradually increased, willing his pounding heart to ease.

It was really embarrassing, to have his heart pound wildly whenever they’re standing even a little close together. They weren’t touching, but the elevator was small enough that their shoulders were almost brushing, and Wuxian could feel the heat of Feng Xi’s skin through the layers of clothing between them.

All too quickly, the elevator came to a stop with a soft ding and the doors opened once more to the long, empty hallway.

 

Their time together really was coming to an end soon, wasn’t it?

 

Wuxian knew it was rude of him to force Feng Xi to take him along, to force Feng Xi to be around him longer than the elfin clearly wanted. He knew that Feng Xi was itching to get rid of him. Why wouldn’t he? Wuxian was not only a human, but also an Executor for that fact. He was made up of two things Feng Xi absolutely hated the most, even if Wuxian no longer considered himself to be human anymore.

However, for what he did to Feng Xi, he’ll just have to grin and bare with whatever the elfin wants of him. If he wants Wuxian out of his life, then…

Well, it’d certainly hurt a lot, but he’ll live.

 

“Wuxian.”

“Huh?”

Blinking, he was brought back to his senses and saw Feng Xi staring at him with a frown on his face and an arm blocking the elevator door.

“The elevators about to close, quit standing there and get off it.”

Oh. Oh, yeah, he needed to get off the elevator…

Wuxian said nothing as he stepped off once Feng Xi got the door back open before it could quickly shut once more. The elfin sighed and shook his head before walking on. “Is that another thing you’ve picked up? Daydreaming like an idiot?”

Wuxian didn’t respond to that one. Once again, it was another thing that came relating to Feng Xi, but either way he’d lose this argument no matter how he pleaded.

They entered the apartment together, with Wuxian sending the bags to be placed on the counter in the kitchen before having the small bands on metal wrap once more around his arms. Wuxian knew that he would have to get going soon in order to start investigation and that he was overstaying the little bit of welcome that Feng Xi allowed, so he excused himself in order to change back into his clothes.

Honestly, he really didn’t want to. Feng Xi’s clothes were more on the side of loose for him, despite being just a little taller than the elfin, Feng Xi was built broader than him. They were comfortable to wear. Despite the pain in his chest, he made sure to get changed quickly, making sure he had everything on his person before folding the borrowed clothes neatly and setting them off to the side.

 

Leaving the room, he went to find Feng Xi to announce his departure, but before he could say anything, Feng Xi was already thrusting something into his hands.

“I know you’re just going to go off and find some terrible vendor food,” Feng Xi said, his voice sounding a little rushed and forced, “it expires soon so just, take it.”

At first, Wuxian didn’t know how to react, having something shoved at him, and just stared blankly at the thing in his hands before the slight smell of food hit his nose, concealed within the container.

 

He…

 

He really didn’t deserve this.

 

Feng Xi was too good to poison food, even if he hated Wuxian, so he knew instantly it was safe.

His chest swelled with something that was dangerously close to hope, and he made sure to quickly stomp it out before it could grow into something uncontrollable, something dangerous. Wuxian hasn’t allowed himself to feel hope in a long, long time.

“Thank you,” Wuxian finally said, forcing himself to look at the ground to steady his heart. Not wanting it to get lost or damaged, knowing his luck, he sent it to his spirit realm for safe keeping.

“Don’t mention it,” Feng Xi said, having walked away a while ago and was now tending to the small amount of groceries in the bags, taking them out and putting them where they belonged. “You at least know how to start your investigation, right?”

A little surprised that Feng Xi was still talking to him, Wuxian hesitantly nodded. “I figured it would be good to visit each spot personally and see if there is any possible connection. They can’t be as sporadic as they made it out to be.”

Feng Xi made a noise that sounded close to a scoff as he rolled his eyes. “The guild really is full of incompetent idiots,” he mumbled, probably intending for Wuxian not to hear. Either way, Wuxian didn’t mind. “Did they at least give you something that shows where they happened?”

“They did.” It was extremely useful to have, he would have to rely on remembering where each spot was without it, which would make it inconvenient more than anything, though entirely do-able.

The silence between them stretched for a few moments, neither saying anything as Feng Xi’s movements slowly came to a stop and he stood there, leaning on the small counter for support. Wuxian knew he should leave, he needed to leave, but he really didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t want to.

At the moment, Feng Xi’s back was to Wuxian, so he couldn’t see his expression. He turned his head a little, just enough so Wuxian could see his mouth open to say something before closing once more. Wuxian stood there, ready to listen to whatever he had to say, ready to do whatever he wanted him to do. He was so willing to do anything, just to maybe get to selfishly stay with Feng Xi a little longer. His heart was so wrapped around anything and everything Feng Xi. His heart pounded for him.

 

“Wuxian,” Feng Xi finally said, sounding uncertain, “I--”

Just as Feng Xi was about to speak, there was a noise of a door opening, causing the both of them to freeze. Wuxian didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was, and instantly he felt like cold water had been dumped on him.

 

“Feng Xi! Are you home?”

Xiao Hei walked into the apartment and instantly stopped in his tracks. “Shifu?” he exclaimed, his voice sounding a little panicked. “What’re you doing here? I thought you didn’t want to come to Long You?”

 

 

Wuxian felt…

Well, he didn’t know what to feel.

He felt frustrated and a little upset.

It was obvious that they’ve met up previously for Xiao Hei to know where Feng Xi lived. His hands clenched at his sides. He had absolutely no right to be upset, he knew he didn’t. Wuxian knew that he had been holding Xiao Hei back, and yet…

“How long have you been in Long You?” Wuxian asked, turning to face the child, whose ears laid back a little, knowing instantly he was in trouble.

“About--About 3 days now…”

3 days?

“You knew he was here, yet you didn’t tell me?” Wuxian then directed his question at Feng Xi, but was unable to look at him. He couldn’t bring himself to.

“Is he not allowed to make decisions on his own?” Feng Xi asked in return.

“He’s my disciple, you’re in no position to decide these sorts of things.”

“So, what, you banned him from entering Long You just because I’m here?”

Slowly, Wuxian felt panic rising in his chest, panic that the situation was spiraling so out of control, yet he could do nothing to stop himself from throwing up that protective wall between himself and others, the one that always made him seem indifferent, but in this case instead of indifference, something ugly took hold.

“Hey, please don’t fight!” Xiao Hei said desperately, looking back and forth between them. “It’s my fault, I should’ve listened to--”

The child elfin’s words were drowned out and forgotten as Feng Xi and Wuxian focused only on each other.

“I expect him to follow orders when given, nothing more!”

“Why? So he could follow along with whatever the guild tells him to do as well? You want blind obedience from him?!”

“He knows that whatever I tell him is for his best interest and safety!”

“Safety?” Feng Xi laughed humorlessly. “You honestly expect me to believe that? I’m not an idiot, Wuxian, I know the reason you didn’t want him here, and that’s because you only see me as someone evil, someone to be contained and locked up. All these years, you’ve looked down on me, and now you’re training someone to do the exact same thing. It’s obvious, Wuxian.”

With every word spoken, Feng Xi took a step closer. At first, Wuxian tried to hold his ground, but the words started hitting him through the heart, they stabbed into him mercilessly with each misconception, but no matter what, Wuxian couldn’t open his mouth to say anything.

A lump formed in his throat, making it almost impossible to breathe, and all he knew was that he needed to leave now. He needed to leave right away. He couldn’t be here for a moment longer or else he didn’t know what he would say.

 

He needed to leave.

 

He needed to leave NOW.

 

With hardly any thinking at all, the door to the balcony shot open, letting in a sudden gust of wind from the air outside, and Wuxian flew out of the apartment without looking back.

 

Even in the open air outside, he still felt suffocated.

There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to fix and clear up, but once again he was being cowardly. Once again, he abandoned Feng Xi, to believe in misconceptions and grow even farther apart.

 

 

When will he stop running away…?