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English
Series:
Part 1 of just let me breathe/catching my breath
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Published:
2020-01-29
Completed:
2020-10-12
Words:
74,953
Chapters:
16/16
Comments:
167
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382
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just let me breathe for a second

Summary:

to breathe is to live,
but what is it to be alive?

leo doesnt know, so fuck it, he gets high.

Notes:

wow ok im actually posting this.

A few disclaimers:

1) i wrote leo mixed in this story, not for any reason besides thats just how i imagined him even when reading the original series. 🤷♀️

2) this story gets dark, it deals with sensitive subject matter including depression, substance abuse, child abuse, bipolar disorders and other things that arent so great. im not gonna romanticize or glorify them, just know that theyre there.

3) i put warnings before each chapter.

4) Like most writers, i haven’t experienced some of the things i write about. But in this case, I do have experience for most subject matter, and if i haven’t experienced it first hand I provably have friends or family that have. holla ?

(ok im done being lowkey mean :) is this me putting my own feelings on characters from a book series i read as a kid? yes. what about it.)

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1: 7-eleven baby, we need a dustpan

Summary:

Leo is forced to hang out with git foster siblings. Luckily, Piper is there.

Notes:

Welcome to, ‘i didnt think i would actually post this’, chapter 1.

But seriously i’ve had this idea for a while cause i’ve always seen Leo as a sort of stoner kid and the i was like aHA....what if i take it a step
f u r t h e r.

This piece of shit has a lot of character development to do for a lot of characters, so stick with me.

warnings: none :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

 

Im scrambling to clean up the pieces

 

the pieces that you left me in....

 

before someone else comes around

 

and tries to break me again.

 


Sometimes people will say that they feel like they’re life is a movie. Frames dancing across a big white screen, dazzling and breath-taking, tragic and romantic, your eyes are glued to the sight.

Leo thinks that if his life was a movie it’d probably be a shitty one, where you’ve finished your popcorn ten minutes in and by the thirty minute mark you don’t even care about the plot anymore. It’s tiring, and he wishes they would turn off the film already.

He’s thinking this as he toys with his breakfast, honey-nut cheerios, by trying to get all the cheerios to one side of the bowl. Cereal is definitely not his first snack of choice, but its the McKinney’s pantry and it’s better than  bleak ass gluten-free granola bars. So hell, he would take it.

It’s his second week in his new foster home, the McKinney’s, and he’s only feeling about two thirds of the miserable he thought he would be. The family consists of Mrs. McKinney and Mr.McKinney (they insisted Leo call them Jake and Mellissa) and the two hellspawn they like to call ‘children’. The family is suffocating, a pack of white church goers who couldn’t think for themselves if they’re life depended on it. On his first night they asked if Leo was religious over dinner, he had lied and said he was christian, when really he couldn’t give less of a fuck.

If there ever was a God he’s been dead for years, because that’s the only explanation for why Leo’s still here on Earth.

Turns out that was the correct answer, the McKinney’s were catholic. (whooo, who could have guessed) He saw Jake breathe out an actual sigh of relief when he said that.

It’s not like Leo couldn’t have guessed they were catholic, what other kind of religious family would have “live, laugh, love” signs plaguing their walls every five steps. The McKinney’s do have a white kitten named ‘Tic-Tac’ though, and she‘s honestly the most redeeming quality of them all.

Leo supposes the brats aren’t too bad, if you can tolerate spoiled snobby white kids who had to rinse their mouths out with water after eating a taki for the first time. There was Colin, age 14, and Hannah, age 12. Leo was 16.

(and no, it totally didn’t bother him that Colin was at least four inches taller than him. The kid was a bean stalk, okay?)

For the first time in a very long time, Leo was excited for school to start up again. Not for the actual “schooling” part of course, but he wanted the whole gang to be back together....he wanted....things to go back to.

His thoughts were interrupted as someone sat in the chair across from him.

Hannah.

She obviously didn’t get the memo that he wanted to eat alone, demonstrated by the “great wall of cereal boxes” the teen had set up to try and block himself off from the outside world. The McKinney’s had unholy amounts of breakfast cereal; Apple Jacks, Lucky Charms, Coco Puffs....everything.

( cereal loving lunatics.... )

The Lucky charms wing was pushed aside and Hannah stared at him. (Lucky charms....rest in peace, fallen soldier.)

“Good morning.”

Leo shrugged. More like ‘ok morning’. Hannah poured Coco Puffs into a plastic orange bowl. Apparently the Mckinney’s can’t handle real, breakable dishes.

Y’know, when someone says good morning to you you’re usually supposed to say it back. Besides, aren’t you, like, my brother now?” Hannah says, spilling  some of the milk on the table when pouring it. She goes to get napkins.

“First of all, mornings can suck my ass. Second, i’ve been through enough foster homes to know that I will literally never be your sibling. That’s just weird.”

Part of him hopes that she can’t hear him through the remainder of the cereal blockade, that the breakfast grains will protect and shelter him from having to do anything, but alas;

“How many homes have you been to?” Hannah asked tersely, almost as if she was afraid if asking the question.

“Dunno,” Leo said through a mouthful of cheerios, “A lot. More than I can count on my fingers.” He knew the exact number. Eleven as of now.

Hannah sopped up the milk with the cheap paper towels. She had chubby fingers. Leo took note of how the color of her skin was akin to that of the milk, stark white.

As he heard, Hannah had been that pale since she was a baby, like Snow White. Whenever she went outside her mother would slather sunscreen on her till’ it looked like she was wearing a face mask. Hannah also had brown hair and thin, red lips, finishing off the disney princess look.

Leo didn’t have milk white skin, but he wasn’t exactly a coco puff either, he mused. His skin was more like how the milk looked after the coco puffs had steeped in it, a warm brown in-between.

He also knew that this fact made her nervous.

Most conservative white people tried to cover their nervousness by pretending as if they don’t notice he is not the same as they are, instead they embarrass themselves by assuming things they don’t know. It’s very funny.

Like the first night Leo got there, Melissa cooked “Mexican Cuisine” (it was tacos) for him because it might “remind him of home”. The curly haired boy tried to explain to them that he wasn’t Mexican, his family was from Venezuela, but they looked confused. (Leo didn’t tell them that he actually used to eat tacos and Mexican cuisine a lot because it didn’t help his case, but whatever)

Hannah wouldn’t try to cover it up, or she just didn’t know how. Sometimes he would just catch her staring blatantly at his hands or his kinky hair with wonder. But she’s young, and Leo realized he’s a different kind of person she isn’t used to. She only notices the differences, she doesn’t think differently about him because of them.

“Oh. Well, I bet its cool seeing all those places. How was it when you first came to California?”

He wants to tell her that it wasn’t “cool” moving so many times. That it’s tiring and a pain in the ass, but all he’s ever known. Often when Leo’s really high, he thinks about life when he’s older. How he’ll be eighteen and with the choice of finally staying somewhere, he’ll still keep running. Running, running, running. Leo fucking hates running.

(you do it to yourself...)

“Yeah. The people are different over here. Big difference between east coast and west coast.” Was all he said.

Leo cleaned up his dish and put away the boxes, retreating to his room on the second floor.

The McKinney’s had a two story house with three bathrooms, a kitchen with an island, a yard, and pool. There was only three bedrooms originally, so Leo lived in the old office space, but the family had explained to him that they transformed it into a guest bedroom years ago.

(he was living that upper-middle class dream)

His room usually withheld only a single bed, small desk, lamp, and a dresser. Right now, it had all that and the addition of  an upside-down Colin playing DS on his bed.

Leo mentally rubbed a hand down his face.

(for fuck’s sake, this kid and his pokémon-loving ass better get before i— )

“Get outta’ my room.”

Colin didn’t look up from his DS, the small screen was streaky and reflective from prepubescent boy sweat.  “No. Also, you’re bed sucks.”

The bed was a twin with a springy mattress. The boy tried to shove him off to no avail. The kid was infuriating.

“I will literally snap that thing in half if you don’t get up.”

“As if you would do anything.” He scoffed. “By the way, my Mom bought you some new clothes, they should be in the closet.”

“K, cool, now get the fuck out.” Leo said, voice muffled by a pillow.

“Was that a no-no word I heard?”

OUT.

Leo felt like scraping his skin off then crying when he heard the door click shut. Colin was that type of kid who was constantly trying to prove that he’s cool. (especially now that Leo lives here) Whether thats a Colin trait or a fourteen-year old boy trait, Leo does not know.

Thinking back on what Colin had said, Leo forced himself out of bed. Sure enough, in the closet was a large Kohl’s bag with the handles tied at the top. Disassembling the knot, he opened the bag.

Folded neatly into the plastic was new clothes; khaki pants, a pair of regular jeans, a couple polo shirts, two t-shirts, and a plain hoodie. Compared to his old ripped jeans, dark gray billabong shirt (it may or may not have previously belonged to Piper... Don’t judge me) and dirty mismatched converse, one orange one purple, these clothes were going to make him look like a saint.

I mean, khaki’s, really?

He knew Melissa loved Jesus, just not enough to buy him khakis.

The realization slowly dawned on him that the they were likely expecting Leo to wear this first day of school and the boy threaded his fingers into his hair. The look on Luke’s face if he came into school, first day, wearing khakis and a fucking polo shirt...

Leo shivered at the sheer caucasity.

 


 

He had about an hour and a half of bliss on that Monday morning. Scrolling social media, watching weird food network shows on Netflix, practicing new shuffles and failing at said shuffles....  

That was until the brats came crawling back.

Colin poked his head in first, “I’m bored”. He looked at Leo as if he was supposed to do something about it.

“I ain’t you’re entertainment system. Or your mom either for that fact. Go bother your sister.”

Colin had closed the door after that. Suspicious . The child usually never gives up that easily....

And Leo was right because he came back, this time slamming the door open and revealing a shy looking Hannah, shifting tentatively in tow.

We’re bored.” He said with a sharp grin, “You have to take us somewhere. We can go to the beach, or the movies, or the mall.”

Leo sighed. “And why’d do i have to take you?”

“Because...Because i’ll tell my mom if you don’t. Besides, its not like we can get anywhere by ourselves, we need a car.” Colin said after a moment of thought. Hannah looked at him pleadingly.

“in case you haven’t noticed, shithead, I ain’t got a car.”

“Yeah, but you have friends with cars, right?”

Leo stared at Colin. Colin stared at Leo. Colin. Leo. Colin. Leo.

(Hannah stared at the ground.)

after a wavering ten seconds, Leo conceded:

“Whatever. I’ll take you, but the farthest you’re gettin’ is 7-Eleven and the park.”  He also weighed his options,  “And i’ll drop you off back here, but im going to stay with my friend. Mellissa comes back at five, right? I’ll be back round’ four. If you tell anyone, you’re dead”

The younger kids stared back with wide eyes. 

“Got it?”

They nodded their heads quickly. And so he called up Piper and asked for a ride. He didn’t tell her about the brats though.

(Are you kidding? She would fuckin flame me if she found out I was babysitting these idiots! )


30 minutes of watching Colin peak through the blinds later, a baby blue dodge charger rolls up next to the house Leo gets a ‘here’ text from Piper.

The three head out to the driveway and Leo noticed Colin staring at the car like he just won a million dollars, and remembers when he was in that same position. ( Ok, I probably should have told Piper about the kids... )

Oh well, what can be done?

The spotless window rolls down and an amused Piper sticks her head out.

“Watcha’ got here, Macro ?” she said, and oh my god why are we bringing that nickname back- “Didn’t tell me I was ubering a whole-ass kindergarten class.”

Under her breath Piper murmered something about that statement rhyming, Colin was about to pop a vein.

HeyI’m in middle school y’know!”

Leo held Colin back with a hand on his shoulder, Hannah stared at her brother, mouth agape with horror. Poor girl, Piper’s going to scare her to death.

Hop in.”

 


Leo rode shotgun, obviously, the other two sat in the back, Piper is at the wheel. She rolled a lollipop in her mouth, garbling her speech.

So, werr awwe goin’, wosers?”

He dug a lollipop out of her middle compartment, mystery flavored, but didn’t offer any to the McKinney’s spawn.

“Drive to a nearby gas station, then maybe the park or somethin’, dunno, the gremlins said they was bored.”

The mystery flavor happened to be blue raspberry, Leo happily popped it into his mouth, careful to minimize the amount of spit he got on the stick so it wouldn’t get soggy because ewww gross.

(mmm the sweet sweet taste of serotonin... )

The ride was suprisingly...serene, which was suspicious in literally an abounding amount if ways. Leo had closed his eyes, and rested his cheek against the seat. The brats were silent, a quick look from the rear view revealed they seemed to also be soaking up the moment. You could hear Piper’s hums in tune to the radio playing softly and the candy selling him flavor while indefinitely dying his tongue blue. And for a couple minutes, he felt...at rest? Leo’s not sure, its a strange feeling. Almost... foreign.

 

And

 

            You

 

                       Could

 

                                     Almost

 

                                                     Just

 

(....sink into that feelin’ child....close your eyes....)

 

 

 

 

 

 

                          fall .

 


They arrived at the 7-eleven.

The gas station store was a bit small, cashier by the front, slushies in the back, greasy donuts somewhere in between. The typical 7-eleven experience.

The kids beelined to the candy section and Piper went to  scope out the chips. Leo was about to head over to the gum when he caught the cashier giving him the side eye.

The guy was young, maybe around late teens, early twenties. He had longish blonde hair and a lanky body; a solid 6.5/10 in Leo’s book. A seven if he ditched the gas station uniform.

The cashier looked away and Leo went back to deciding between FiveGum and Extra.

(I decided on Extra, spearmint. Yeah, thats right. I’m a classy bitch.)

Leo picked up a king-size kit-kat bar and a can of Bang Energy drink, then made his way to the front. The rats appeared one after the other. A pleased looking Hannah carrying an armful of Pringles and Starbucks coffee as well as Colin with a Monster energy drink and Nacho Cheese Doritos.

The older boy plucked the Monster out of his arms. “Alright, yeah, no . You’re not allowed to have energy drinks. No fucking way. We’ll have to scrape ya’ off Piper’s car.”

Colin scrunched up his eyebrows. “Well-! Hannah gets to have coffee! How is that fair?!”

”Shut up, git.”

Then Piper comes around, holding a bag of Taki’s (fuego, what other kind of takis would you get you monster).

Aww, Leo! You’re such a good babysitter! Look at you! Taking care of kids! It just warms my heart.” She wipes a fake tear from her eye. The bitch. I mean, Leo is pretty good with kids. But, like, saying that he is? So not cool dude.

Eventually, Colin reluctantly puts back the Monster, and to make it equal we made Hannah put back one of her coffees.

The sketch cashier checked us out, and Leo caught the name on his shirt tag.

Travis .

(Huh, where have i heard that name before ....?)

The cashier checks them out, it rings up to a total of $14.78. The small ding! of the door as they exit marks the end of their group 7-eleven trip.

Leo, Piper, and the two brats end up going to Winter Park to eat and chill out. Mostly Leo and Piper talked on the swings and the other two goofed around on the playground set for an hour or so. Piper talked about how her Dad had been acting strange recently, and Leo told her about his new fosters. Then it was time to go.


Everyone piles back into Piper’s little car and head home. Even though it was literally just a gas station run, Leo thinks he finds a little piece of home in it. A small, dusty piece of glass that might have been his at some point....

And looking out onto the suburban neighborhoods out that little car window, hearing the soft radio music as it plays hit after hit;

It made Leo want to crush the piece of glass with bare bloody hands.

Notes:

Ahaha.

So, yeah.

If you would please comment that would be greatly appreciated it is the sole thing that keeps
me going 🥺🥺.