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Please Don't Be Afraid Of Me

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You were staring at Loki. He was staring at you. His eyes were dark and his lips were curled into a wicked grin. He leaned over you, his face so close that his breath reflected off of your cheeks.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

You should have said no. And maybe a few years ago you would have said that. The man standing before you was said to be a killer. A warrior. A prince. A lunatic, at times. He was said to be dangerous. He was crazy. He was everything that you should be afraid of. He was everything you were trained to avoid.

But he was the love of your life.

So, you tilted your head backwards and flashed him an equally wicked smile back.

“Of course I do.”

Loki smirked and climbed onto the bed, straddling your body with this thighs. He pressed a kiss to your neck, nuzzling against your hair. You wanted to reach down and touch him but your hands were a bit preoccupied being tied above your head.

“You shouldn’t. You know what I am,” Loki purred. “I’m a murderer. I kill in cold blood. I crave power. I’m a frozen monster. Does it not scare you?” You shifted your head away from him, dislodging his lips from your pulse. He looked down at you quizzically and you just shrugged as best you could in your current position.

“No, it doesn’t scare me,” you whispered. A look of confusion crossed over his features and you managed to stretch up and press a kiss to his cheek. “Because that’s not you. Not really, anyway.”

“I could kill you if I wanted to,” Loki murmured, wrapping a large hand around your throat. He squeezed a bit and you fluttered your eyes shut, warmth rolling down to your core. You spread your legs a bit, a moan escaping your lips, and Loki scoffed, moving his hand away. “Sadistic little witch. Must I tape your mouth shut? You know I have a spare roll of tape hidden around here.”

“You could kill me but you won’t. You would never hurt me,” you said, your eyes opening slowly again. You watched him as he observed you, quieter than normal. Your eyes softened and you let out a sigh. “This mission tonight is really bothering you, isn’t it?”

“No. Of course not. Why would you say that?” Loki snorted, leaning back on his haunches. He ran a hand down his chest, shirtless and glistening under the lights in your room.

“Because you haven’t spoken like this in a long, long time. And it just so happens that tonight we’re infiltrating a secret Chitauri base. Is it bringing back bad memories?” you asked. Loki sighed and shut his eyes, turning his head away from you. “Loki, will you untie me?”

“Strange question for a woman who literally begged me to tie her up and fuck her not only ten minutes ago.”

“That was before you started having an existential crisis,” you said with a lifted brow. Loki rolled his eyes and whipped a knife out from beside the bed. His blade sliced through the rope like it was warm butter. You took the knife from his hand and placed it on the table beside you. You then sat up and wrapped your arms around his waist, burying you head in his naked chest. “You’re afraid.”

“That is ridiculous. I am not –“

“You don’t need to lie to me, Mischief,” you said, turning your head up to look into his eyes. Loki ran his hand down your cheek gently.

“Yes. I’m afraid. I’m terrified,” Loki whispered, his eyes glazing over with horrid memories. He swallowed, his throat suddenly burning, and he could feel the pain being inflicted on him again. He began shaking and you only tightened your grip on him, trying to bring him back to reality. Loki blinked a few times and stared down at you, fear written across his face. He pulled you closer to him and rested his chin on your head. “I cannot lose you. Especially not to myself.”

“Everything will be okay, Loki,” you said, stroking your hands down his back.

“What if I revert back to what I was? What if I see them and I feel that desire for power?” Loki asked.

“You won’t because that wasn’t really you,” you said, kissing along his body. He shivered beneath you. “You weren’t in control of your mind. I know that.”

“You used to be so scared of me, you know? Skittish little thing,” Loki said fondly, his fingers running through your hair. “For at least six months after meeting me, you couldn’t stand to be around me for more than five minutes.”

“I didn’t know what I know now,” you said. “I thought the man in New York was who you actually were. I was wrong. I thought you were so scary and intimidating.”

Loki placed a finger under your chin and forced you to look up at him. “Oh, how things have changed.”

“Mm, yes. I would have never imagined I’d be naked beneath you, asking you to tie me to the bed.”

“Begging, darling. You weren’t asking. You were begging.”

You reached down and pinched his ass. Loki laughed and pushed you back a bit so he could crawl completely over you. You blushed and slid your hands up his back to rest on his shoulders.

“Am I allowed to beg again or is that just desperate?” you asked. Loki smirked and picked up the shredded rope. He reformed it into a single strand and wrapped it around your wrists, then secured it tightly to the bed.

“It is a bit desperate but I don’t mind. I love it, even,” Loki chuckled. He bent down and kissed you slowly, intimately. When he pulled back, he brushed his fingers over your cheekbone. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Loki. I always will,” you whispered, suddenly feeling a little choked up. “Now let me distract you from tonight a little.”

You reached your hips upwards and began grinding your naked core against Loki’s bulge. He groaned, his cock hardening again. He rolled his head back and let you rock your hips against him, your flexible body able to work him in the way you knew he loved best. His hands gripped your hips and held you there. In a flash, Loki’s pants disappeared and you felt his cock press against you.

“Impressive distraction, dear,” Loki purred as he slid his cock in between your wet folds. You squirmed but Loki’s fingers dug into your hips. You hissed, already knowing that there’d be fingertip shaped bruises along your hipbones. He continued to rock against you slowly. You whimpered and batted your eyelashes at him. He cooed and smiled. “Is there something you want, darling?”

“Yes,” you moaned, dropping your head back. Loki watched your biceps strain, trying to break through the ropes.

“Then tell me, little one. All you need to do is tell me what you want,” Loki teased. You looked back at him and glared. Loki pinched your ass and chuckled. “Such ferocity, kitten. Why can’t you just say what you want?”

You were blushing madly. Huffing, you sat up a bit and narrowed your eyes. “I want you to fuck me, Loki.”

“Not good enough.”

“But you told me to tell you what I want!”

“In detail, kitten,” Loki hummed, rocking against you particularly hard. You moaned and felt a gush of wetness leak from your pussy and onto Loki’s cock.

“Fine!” you gasped. “Loki, I want you to put your cock in me and fuck me so hard that I can’t walk. I want to only be able to say your name because you’ve fucked me so brutally that it’s all I can remember. I want you to cum inside of me, filling me up until I’m leaking all over the bed. Please, Loki. I beg you.”

“That’s better. Good girl,” Loki said with a lustful look before pulling away. You went to complain but Loki flipped you over onto your knees, your hands still stretched out in front of you. Your face was squished into the bed when Loki placed his cock inside of you. You moaned out his name, pushing back against him immediately.

Loki then did exactly what you asked.

He fucked you like a beast. His hands were grabbing every part of you – your ass, your hips, your hair, your neck. He left his mark everywhere. You would be beat up before you even left for the mission. It was fine though, this is what you wanted and what he needed.

Loki rutted into you, your name falling from his lips like a prayer. His moans were exceptionally beautiful and you wanted to hear more of them. You fucked back against him, begging him to give you more and more and more. Loki groaned and smacked his hand down against your ass, earning a whimpering gasp from you.

When his hands wrapped around your hair and pulled you up, you knew he was close. His hips was thrusting erratically and his other hand was slapping down against your ass without hesitation. You could feel that familiar and desirable heat blossom in your body, and when Loki’s fingers began playing with your clit, you came with a shout. Loki followed soon after, his cum spilling into you and leaking down your thighs. You ground back against him, milking him as much as you could. He finally finished cumming, and your orgasm had faded too, and Loki pulled out. He flipped you over and grabbed the knife again, slicing through the rope.

“Thank you for the distraction,” Loki whispered.

“Anytime. Please, really, anytime, I mean it,” you said breathlessly. Loki laughed and pressed his forehead to your chest, kissing your breast chastely.

“You are the most magnificent woman I have ever met,” Loki said. He paused then peered up at you, insecurity radiating off of him. “And you love me, right?”

“I love you so much, Loki. You know that,” you giggled. He looked down at your chest and stayed quiet.

“Enough to marry me?”

You sat up suddenly, your eyes wide and your lips parted. He eyed you carefully, seemingly ready to shoot out of the bed and run if you turned him down. A smile crept onto your face and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Mr. Mischief, I would be honored to be your wife.”

And even though you really should have been getting ready for your mission, Loki and you fell into another round of lovemaking. Except this time, he was the one tied to the bed.

 

*

 

“These things smell like ass!” you shouted, shooting a bullet into the nearest Chitauri’s head.

“Yeah, how the hell did Loki live with these things?” Steve called through your earpiece. Beside you, Loki huffed and rolled his eyes.

“It wasn’t by choice, Rogers,” Loki growled. He shoot a blast of force into a group of approaching aliens, keeping them away from you. Out of everyone and everything here, you were the most important person. He had to protect you. After all, you were going to be his wife.

The two of you fought side by side, protecting one another without a second thought. Loki watched your grace and ease, admiring the way you moved and fought. Grumbling, he almost got turned on by it. Shaking his head, Loki fought to ignore staring at your hands, wondering how a ring would look on your finger. He couldn’t get distracted with wedding bells when you two were in the middle of a battle zone.

But he did get distracted. He got too distracted. And his distraction was the reason a Chitauri managed to land a blow to the back of your head, knocking you out and covering the ground with your blood.

 

*

 

When you opened your eyes, everything was dull and fuzzy. You groaned, blinking rapidly while trying to figure out what was happening around you. When nothing was coming into clear view, you started panicking. Your chest was heaving and you began grabbing for things beside you. Finally, a warm hand landed on your arm and you whipped your head around.

“Hey! It’s okay, it’s me,” a gentle voice said. You immediately recognized it.

“Bruce?” you asked. The blurry figure nodded. “Why can’t I see you? You’re all blurry.”

“Just relax. You took a nasty fall. You’re just a bit disoriented. The more you relax, the faster you’ll be able to see clearly,” Bruce said kindly. You nodded and sat backwards, doing some breathing tricks to help calm you. Bruce was right, and when you finally relaxed enough, your sight became much clearer. You thanked him softly and he grinned. “There we go.”

“What happened?” you asked. You turned and saw a woman standing there. Her hands were folded and you tilted your head. “Who are you?”

“Who am I? It’s me Wanda,” the girl said. You shook your head and she looked to Bruce. Bruce stared down at you and pressed a hand to your head. You shrunk away from his touch, keeping your eyes locked at the girl.

“Is she a threat, Banner?” you asked, reaching down for your gun. When you didn’t feel the holster on your hip, you began to get nervous again. “Bruce, where’s my gun?”

“I didn’t think the fall was that bad,” Bruce murmured, walking across the room to check something on his computer. The woman – Wanda – began coming closer and you shuffled backwards in your bed.

“Please stay back. I…I don’t know you,” you whimpered. Wanda paused and pressed her lips into a frown, her eyes drifting down to the ground.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, turning away. Bruce came back to the bed and crouched down beside you.

“Can you tell me your name?” Bruce asked. You recited your name to him and he nodded. “Tell me about yourself.”

And so you did. And all your information would have been correct if the year was 2012. Realization dawned on Bruce’s face. He looked at Wanda and she must have understood what he was thinking. Finally, Bruce turned back to you.

“Can you tell me what year it is?” he asked.

You nodded. “It’s 2012.”

Just then, the door to the room swung open. Bruce stood and Wanda turned around.

“Why did no one tell me she was awake!” a man yelled. A tall figure strode into the room and you screamed, jumping from the bed, causing your IV to rip out, as you backed into a corner with fear written across your features. You grabbed a syringe off one of the metal trays in the room and held it out, your hand shaking terribly.

“Stay back!” you shouted, your voice trembling. The man paused and stared at you.

“Darling, what –“

“Don’t call me that you sadistic fucking beast!” you screamed. You pointed the syringe at Bruce and hissed. “Why are you so fucking calm? That’s Loki! The fucking killer of New York!”

Loki’s face went from concerned to angry. He looked at Bruce and stalked towards him.

“What have you done to her?” he growled. Bruce stepped back a bit, afraid for the first time in years of the God of Mischief.

“I didn’t do anything. Her memory is all messed up. She can’t remember anything after 2012,” he said quickly. In his haste of backing up, Bruce stumbled over a wire and tripped. Loki growled down at him and you burst into action. You ran across the room with the syringe, hopping onto Loki’s back and stabbing the needle against him. Yet, the needle simply broke and bounced off of his skin.

“You monster! Don’t hurt him! I’ll kill you!” you shouted. As you went to wrap your hands around his neck, you felt a wave of exhaustion wash over you. Your eyes slipped shut and you collapsed into someone’s arms, blacking out.

Wanda held you in her arms, her eyes red from using her power to knock you out. She placed you back in the bed and for extra precaution, she strapped you down. Loki watched Wanda and felt his chest tightening.

“She didn’t remember me, either, by the way,” Wanda mumbled as she secured the strap. “I didn’t meet her until 2015.”

“Her mind is essentially stuck in 2012. Just after New York, apparently,” Bruce groaned as he struggled to get up. Loki held his hand out and helped the man up, mumbling an apology. Bruce patted the god’s back and then crossed his arms over his chest. “She didn’t remember Wanda but she remembered me. So, she’ll remember Steve, Nat, Clint, Tony, and Thor. But…”

“I’m still the man who slaughtered Manhattan,” Loki mumbled. He walked up to the bed and stared down at you. He knelt beside the bed and took your limp hand in his. “This is all my fault.”

“Why do you say that?” Wanda asked.

“I got distracted during the fight. I didn’t see the Chitauri approach her. That creature hurt her because of me,” Loki whispered. “I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

“Loki, it’s going to be okay,” Bruce said. He never thought he’d be comforting the almighty Prince Loki of Asgard. But here he was, patting the god on the back and practically cooing to him. “Memory loss is something that isn’t permanent. The good thing is she remembers a good amount of her life. It’s just the more recent stuff we have to uncover.”

“She fell in love with you once. It’ll happen again,” Wanda said softly.

“Yes, after over half a year of me chasing her like a wild goose,” Loki snarled. He gripped your hand tighter and kissed it, covering your skin with his lips. “She’s so afraid of me. She tried to attack me. She…she hates me.”

“Your memories with her are so strong, though. You two have been living together for years. Being put back into that environment will help jog her brain faster,” Bruce encouraged. Loki stayed quiet, this thumb smoothing over your knuckles.

“We were supposed to get married. Just yesterday she agreed to be my wife,” Loki said. He blinked away a few tears in his eyes and stood up. He placed your hand carefully over your stomach and looked at Bruce with pure determination on his face. “We will get her back. I refuse to believe otherwise.”

 

*

 

When you woke up a second time, it was to Bruce and Steve. They explained to you what had happened with the Chitauri attack, and while your mind immediately flitted to accusations of it being Loki, hey were quick to shut you down. They told you that your mind couldn’t remember anything past 2012 and you tried to blame Loki again but they promised you that wasn’t the case.

And then they dropped the bomb.

“You should really stop blaming Loki for all of this,” Steve chuckled. He crossed his arms over his broad chest and sighed. “You are dating him after all.”

“Excuse me?” you scoffed.

“Not dating anymore, Steve. Engaged,” Bruce noted. Your mouth fell open and you shook your head slowly.

“That’s impossible. I’d never marry – let alone date – someone like him. He’s evil! And not to mention…I’m terrified of him,” you whispered the last part. The men looked at each other and Bruce smiled softly.

“Why don’t we go up to your room? You’ll be much more comfortable there.”

When they brought you up to your room, you almost threw up. They failed to mention that Loki was living here too. The man himself was standing there, his hands laid out defensively in front of him. You could see his things everywhere. His helmet, pieces of his armor, green fucking curtains – it set a lightning strike of fear through you. You almost bolted out of the room before Steve wrapped a heavy arm around your waist.

“Let me go! He’s going to kill me!” you yelled, pounding your fists against Steve’s body.

“Trust me, you’re the last person he would kill. He’d throw himself off a cliff before laying a hand on you,” Steve scoffed. Loki nodded behind you, almost chuckling at the idea of it. You pulled away from him and glared at Loki. Stomping your foot, you jabbed a finger to Steve’s chest.

“I bet he’s plotting to hurt me,” you hissed. You looked around the room and growled. “I bet you I could find something here.”

“Go right ahead and try, kitten,” Loki said smoothly. He stepped away from the bed, pressing himself flat against the wall. You trembled as you got closer to him. You began searching through the drawers and closets in the room. Quietly, Loki was hoping something would jog your memory.

But when you stepped up to his nightstand, Loki felt his heart sink. You opened the drawer and fell backwards, your hand covering your mouth. You slowly crawled back up and stuck your hands inside the drawer. You tossed duct tape, rope and a knife onto the bed.

“See! He’s a monster!” you shouted. Loki shut his eyes and sighed. He crept forward but you grabbed the knife, holding it to your shaking body. “Stay back! Don’t hurt me!”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Loki spoke quietly. You began crying, your mind shutting down. You managed to stand up and bolt from the room, fear radiating through you to your core.

“What the hell is that, Loki?” Steve asked, pointing to the tape and to the rope. Loki glared at him.

“Unlike you, Captain Perfect, my fiancé and mine’s tastes are a bit less vanilla,” Loki snipped.

“He’s right,” Bruce muttered. They both looked at him in confusion. “Trust me, you’re not the most quiet couple.”

“Great. Now what do we do?” Steve asked. Loki stared at the door that you ran through.

“I let her go,” Loki whispered. “She’s too afraid of me. I can’t force myself on her. She needs to come around to me like she did before.”

“But you said that took months,” Bruce emphasized. Loki sighed and sat down on the bed. He ran a hand down his face and groaned.

“It did. And even longer than that for her to develop feelings for me,” Loki mumbled. “But I’d wait centuries for her. If that is what I need to do then I will do it.” Loki looked up at the two men and waved them off. “Now go. Let me mourn my lover in peace.”

When Bruce and Steve left, Loki collapsed backwards onto the bed and cried.

 

*

 

Loki stayed true to his word and stayed away from you. It pained him every day to watch the woman he loved go about her day afraid of him. Whenever you walked into a room and he was there, you’d skitter away, reminding him of his first several months in the tower with you. Now, he’d sit back and watch from afar, praying that one moment, all of your memories would come back and you would fall into his arms.

But they never did. Over the next few months, you slowly remembered everyone else. You even knew that it wasn’t 2012 anymore. Your memories were almost fully restored except for the ones of Loki. Bruce said it was because your fear of him was too strong and that was blocking your memories from coming back. But Loki could not possibly believe that. Your love was a million times stronger than your fear, and he refused to accept that he lost you forever.

Thor tried to tell you of Loki’s great adventures to salvation but you didn’t believe them. Tony said he would show you that the scepter was controlling Loki but you didn’t know how he would do that and you didn’t want to find it out. Wanda even offered to influence your memories but Loki wouldn’t let her do that. He didn’t want your mind being messed with any more than it already was.

After eight months, Loki began to accept that you might never love him again. He hadn’t slept in your bed or held you in so long. He hadn’t kissed you, made love to you, showered with you, trained with you, fought with you, cooked with you…he hadn’t done so many things with you and it was causing him a tremendous ache in his chest. Loki felt like a piece of him had shattered and died. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could live like this.

But then, there was a flicker of hope.

You had been walking down the steps one day, your mind not even paying attention to where you were going. You tripped, but before you could hit anything, there was a strong set of arms around you. You looked up and saw Loki holding you, and for just a flash second, you saw the scenery change. You saw yourself in your room with Loki’s body wrapped around yours, bare chested and his eyes full of love. The scene left just as fast as it came, and you scrambled out of Loki’s arms, wondering where it came from.

Loki didn’t know what you saw, but he understood the glimpse of recognition in your eyes. That was enough for him.

From then on, you began seeing flashes of distant memories whenever Loki was around you. They terrified you because how could you have lived a life surrounded by this horrible creature? But with the more flashes you saw, the more you noticed the happiness you felt. Did the God of Mischief make you happy? There must have been a point where you trusted him and you wanted to figure out how the hell that happened.

You decided to do some more digging, asking the team more questions about you and him. Their stories all lined up and it was making you nauseous. The more they told you, the more glimpses you saw. You briefly wondered if Wanda was influencing you but the woman promised she wasn’t. Her eyes were never red when you felt these memories and you knew she had to be telling the truth.

A month into getting these glimpses, a particularly strong one surged into your mind in the middle of the night. You saw Loki laying on a bed. He was naked but he was also blue. You shot up out of bed, your hands pressed to your chest. You didn’t know why this glimpse had hit you so hard but it left you gasping for air. Frustrated and confused, you leapt from your bed. You went to grab your gun but something in your head told you that you didn’t need it. Slowly, you walked from your room to Loki’s.

You knocked on the door a few times before it slid open. Loki was standing there, wearing just a pair of sweat pants. He blinked a few times and just stared at you in shock.

“Can I come in?” you asked in a hurry. Loki nodded, still speechless at seeing you come to him, and opened the door, letting you glide inside. He could hear your heart pounding in your chest but before he could ask about it, you swung around and stared at him. “I saw a glimpse of something just now.”

Loki hummed. “What did you see?”

“You. You were on my bed. Um…you were naked,” you said with a blush. Loki smirked.

“And did you like what you see?”

You ignored him. “But you were also blue,” you snipped. The smirk faded from Loki’s face and he turned to look out the window.

“Interesting,” he mumbled.

“What did I see, Loki? What are you putting in my head?”

“I’ve not put a thing in your head,” Loki hissed. He paused and sighed. He sat down on the bed and ran a hand through his hair. “I apologize. Can you remember anything else from the glimpse?”

“The sheets were red. There were a few candles lit on the right side of the bed. It was night time,” you whispered. Loki looked at you and you watched tears form in his eyes. He laughed sadly and wiped his face.

“That was the night you told me you loved me,” Loki whispered through his tears. “I showed you my real heritage and you told me I was perfect. We made love for four damn hours, you little vixen. We messed the sheets up so badly that you had to throw them out. Those candles smelled like pine and ‘Christmas wood’, whatever that means.”

“Real heritage?” you asked quietly.

“I’m a Frost Giant,” Loki said, motioning to himself. “Hence the blue skin you saw. I create an illusion to blend in.”

You stood there and just watched Loki shed his tears silently. You took a tentative step forward. “Can I see?”

Loki looked up at furrowed his brows. “You want to see it? My true form?”

“Yes,” you whispered.

Loki waited for you to take it back but you didn’t. Within the blink of an eye, Loki’s skin transformed. He sat there, a royal blue enveloping his body. His eyes turned a fierce red and his nails turned black. He continued to sit there quietly as you took him in. He expected you to go screaming or running. He expected you to shout and call him a monster. He expected you to attack him again.

What he didn’t expect was for you to hug him.

When your arms wrapped around him, Loki froze. But just as quickly, he melted into your embrace and hugged you back. Loki had no idea why you were hugging him but he didn’t dare to ask. He didn’t want the moment to disappear. He had prayed for this moment for nearly a year.

“I remember that night,” you said into his neck. “I remember telling you I loved you. You left out the part of you crying for an hour before we made love, though.”

“I did indeed cry,” Loki laughed against you.

“You seem to do that a lot.”

“You’ll come to learn that.”

You pulled back a bit and brushed some of Loki’s hair behind his ear. Your heart was racing in your chest at being so close to him. You were still afraid but you wanted to remember the feeling of being happy with him. As you looked into his red eyes, you felt a distant feeling of love within you. You wanted to grasp it and tug it to you. This blue man in front of you was someone who you were so deeply and irrevocably in love with. You wanted that back.

“I know that I loved you,” you said slowly. “I don’t know how I got there though.”

“Then let’s figure it out together,” Loki said, reaching over and taking your hand in his. You watched your fingers fold together and he squeezed your hand softly.

“Can we take it slow?” you asked nervously.

“As slow as you need,” Loki answered.

“I want to get to know you again,” you said, smiling weakly. Loki unwrapped his other arm from you and held his hand out.

“Hello, darling. My name is Loki, Son of Odin, Prince of Asgard, God of Mischief, and I am undeniably in love with you,” Loki said. You chuckled and shook his hand, introducing yourself back.

You didn’t know where you would start with trying to remember him. You didn’t know when the fear would fade to nothingness. What you did know was that the man in front of you loved you, and from the warm feeling within your chest, you once loved him too.

You couldn’t wait to fall in love with him again.