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"Excuse me Sir, could I have a moment of your time?”

“Ma’am, how are you doing today?”

“Hello there! Would you li—“

The lady picks up her dog and runs. It’s a Mastiff and absolutely massive and Wendy isn’t sure how she manages it, but the lady runs across three lanes of traffic without getting hit. It would be impressive if she didn’t do it to avoid her.

Wendy sighs.

She thinks it may be karma from all the times she's pretended to be on her phone or take the long way to avoid the volunteers with tablets that like to lurk around train stations. She might have walked faster than usual to avoid them, but she really, really did not want to talk and it probably didn't hurt their feelings too much. Right?

There's a man heading toward he with what looks to be his morning coffee and she musters up all her courage, "Si-"

He sends her a glare so unnecessarily venomous that it shuts her up. Yup, definitely karma coming back to bite her.

Another passer-by hurriedly power walks by her when she’s still reeling and Wendy sighs again. Is she really that bad? There’s a man looking down at his phone and unknowingly heading in her direction. She lies in wait and strikes when he is close enough.

“Hello Sir!”

He takes one look at her hot pink clipboard, hot pink cap, hot pink t-shirt with a giant UWU and runs, literally runs away from her with a shrill scream.


Wendy winces when he runs into a very, very clean glass door and slides down onto the ground.

The man picks himself up and continues to scream, “PPHANNNIIEEEE.”

Well, alright.

She sits down with a sigh. The bench is uncomfortably warm but her calves are killing her and there's not a shady spot in sight; she resigns herself to another summer with a t-shirt tan. Really, after seeing Joy's knee high sock tan and Yeri’s sunglasses tan, not being able to wear sleeveless tops for a couple of months isn't even that big of a loss. As far as awkward tans go, it's definitely the most convenient.

This job is as boring as watching grass grow. And honesty, at least the grass would be pleasant company. And won’t be able to run away. And it’s summer. It’s summer, the season of love and she’s out here getting hot and sweaty for all the wrong reasons.

Wendy sighs yet again.

The UWU on her shirt stands for Uwoowooed. It’s meant to be the new tinder! The next big thing! the perfect chance to find everlasting romance! At least, that’s what Stephanie had told her this morning when she had shown up with a hot pink duffel bag and a please-I’m-your-best-friend smile. Their very, very pregnant employee was about to give birth and wasn't able to survey people today. 

(Wendy might’ve agreed because Steph had stared at her with suspiciously shiny eyes and bought over bubble tea. How can you say no to bubble tea! Half sugar, extra ice, pink coloured Sakura Strawberry Sensation.)

She thinks that Steph just wanted to design an app using what seems to be fifty shades of pink and heart designs for ALL the buttons.

UWU tracks your device’s location in real time and when another user passes by, their profile pops up. If you hit the like button, the ‘ I choose UWU’ message pops up and a special song plays on the recipient’s phone. She thinks the most impressive thing about the app is that Stephanie managed to parody the lyrics to Hoot by Girl’s Generation; and got all nine members back together to sing it.

(What she doesn’t tell you is that if you hit dislike and they return the favor, the office lights turn off, the disco lights turn on and TWICE's Cheer Up plays. There’s been a distressing amount of dance breaks at work.)

Really, Steph had poured her glittery, hot pink heart into this venture and what kind of friend would she be if she didn’t get a single survey done.

Wendy thinks that she can do this! There’s only five questions! She flips the page for personal information to read the questions on the back.

Wendy groans and hits her face with the clipboard. What. The Hell. What kind of questions are these? Oh my god. No wonder the man had run screaming.

1)What game are you willing to play for love?

2) Will you be my rookie rookie, super rookie?

3) Are you willing to give me, give me some love? Some?

4) Are you willing to roleplay a pizza boy and get murdered by attractive women?

5) What is your favourite flavour?

6) What is your type?

She hits her face with the clipboard again. And again. And ag-

She’s interrupted by a shadow that blocks the sun. Then there’s a pretty girl with a halo. And there’s collarbones and, “Hey.”

“Hey!!!!!” Wendy’s voice rises. It’s only slightly embarrassing.

“UWU? What’s this?” Pretty girl points with a free hand, her other is holding a… jar of… something. Maybe cookies.

Right. UWU. Time to do her unpaid job. Wendy breathes in deeply to centre herself. “UWU is the next tinder! It utilises a location based service to pair you up with sexy singles in your area!”

Pretty girl blinks and looks around. It’s just them. “Sexy single in my area?” Her lips pull into a smirk.

Oh my god. Wendy panics. “Congratulations!”

Pretty girl’s perfectly groomed left eyebrow rises. It’s extremely attractive. “On?”

“Being… the… sexy single in your area?” Wendy resists the urge to hit herself with the clipboard. Again.

(Pretty girls turn her brain to mush.)

“You think I’m sexy?” Pretty girl leans in.

(Pretty girls scare her too.)

Wendy leans back. “You’re sexy! But not too sexy!”

Pretty girl’s eyes narrow. “Excuse me.”

(Oh shit.)

“Would you like to fill in a survey?”

The corner of pretty girl’s mouth twitches. “Sure. Only if you hold my cookie jar though.”

Wendy exchanges her pink clipboard and pen for pretty girl’s pink cookie jar and waits. She resists the urge to shake the jar. It’s surprisingly heavy and seems to be holding a liquid of some kind. Definitely not cookies.

Wendy watches as pretty girl ‘hmmms’ and ‘ahhhs’ as she answers. There’s a surprisingly lack of surprise at Steph’s weird questions. Huh.

"All done.”

They take back their respective items and Wendy reads over the sheet.

1 )What game are you willing to play for love? Russian Roulette.

2) Will you be my rookie rookie, super rookie? Only if hallucinogens are involved.

3) Are you willing to give me, give me some love? Some? Cool, hot, and sweet options are available, for you.

4) Are you willing to roleplay a pizza boy and get murdered by attractive women? I am the attractive woman.

5)What is your favourite flavour? Red.

6) What is your type? Cute girls who think I’m sexy, but not too sexy.

“Who? You? Who?” Wendy stares at the clipboard in shock.

Pretty girl laughs and walks away.

From Wendy’s phone SNSD’s UWU beings to play.