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Cooking For Six

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"Where is the motherfu... fudging. Motherfudging fire extinguisher?" Hermes asks her band of idiots she called spouses

"It's fine Hermes." Anasui scoffs, "They're called fire noodles." He rolls his hand over dramatically

"Mom. I heard you swear in prison, you don't have to censor yourself." Emporio adds in. She gives him a look that says, 'We'll talk about this later' and continues her search for the fire extinguisher. Before she can do that, Weather covers the burnt mess that didn't deserve to be called noodles at this point and cut the heat. Anasui pouts a little bit more before grumbling,

"I'm sure Jolyne will appreciate my hard work."

As if on cue, Jolyne enters the poly family's kitchen and takes a whiff of what's been "cooked". "Oh babe, what did you make?"

"Fire noodles."

"But he burnt them." Weather sighs

"It smells delicious."

"Jolyne, if you eat that you will die." Hermes scoffs

"Mom... can you make me something else?" Emporio whispers into hermes' ear quietly behind jolyne's back as she lifts off the lid of the noodles and samples

"Oh my god Ana, these are so good." She practically moans as she shovels another clump of noodles into her mouth. Anasui puffs his chest out proudly and dishes up noodles for the two of them

"There's extras. If you heathens change your minds." Anasui sticks his tongue out at Hermes and Weather before Weather pulls out Hermes' family recipe for ropa vieja, and Hermes pulling out all the spices she knew she needed. Foo fighters steps into the kitchen and fans her nose before pinching and plugging it

“What did Jolyne ruin this time?”

“It was Anasui, first off.” Weather Report corrects her, “Second he made some ramen, and promptly proceeded to burn it.”

“It smells awful.”

“Don’t worry.” Hermes replies, rubbing her spices into the piece of meat, “I’m making dinner for everyone else.”

“You’re all so ungrateful.” Anasui scoffs and slurps up the noodles, “I’m glad Jolyne appreciates my cooking.”

“You both have either dead taste buds, or nonfunctional ones.” Hermes scoffs

“I love it babe.” Jolyne takes his faced and turns it towards her to give him a peck on his cheek

“Okay. Now we wait.” Weather announces as they throw the Dutch oven into the oven and let the meat cook

“You know, you guys could have had dinner already. Now I have all these leftovers.” Anasui comes back moping and putting the noodles in a tupperware container

“You two can’t possibly be full. I saw all the noodles you had to throw away. Stay at the table and I’ll let you have some of what I’m making.” Hermes glares at him

“I don’t like it.”

“Anasui. I make this all the time.”

“But ramen is better.”

“You two are going to eat at least half a plate of vegetables. You don’t want beef, that’s fine. But I will not let you two get scurvy… again.”

“Fine.” Anasui and Jolyne talk at the table while Weather pulls out the plates and sets the table for the big family to eat at the table. Eventually Hermes brings over her meal and starts dishing it up

“Thanks mom.” Emporio smiles and happily digs into the meal before him. She puts extra veggies on Jolyne and Anasui’s plates and they bitterly eat it, trying to set a decent example for their son.

“This has no flavor.” Jolyne whines softly

“Do you mean no flavor, or no char?” Hermes scoffs

“It’s perfectly prepared dear.” Weather chimes in and leans to peck Hermes head

“Ugh gross.” Anasui scoffs and leans to kiss Hermes’ cheek

“How is that any better?” Weather raises an eyebrow

“I am also confused.” Foof chirps up

“It’s not, you two were just being gross, and she’s my girlfriend too.” He sticks his tongue out and finishes his plate before offering to take everyone else’s plates to the sink so that Foo Fighters and Weather can clean them. Jolyne sneaks up behind them and wraps her arms around the two of them and pecks their cheeks

“I love you two.”

“We love you too Jolyne.” Foo smiles and wraps her arm around Jolyne’s back

“Even if you and Anasui have a horrendous taste for food.” Weather adds

“God you guys need to shut up.” Jolyne rolls her eyes and laughs

“Shit. It’s Emporio’s bedtime.” Hermes alerts the rest of the family

“Shit.” The rest say in unison as Anasui picks up their child and carries him to the bathroom to brush his teeth while Foo fighters grabs a glass of water for him, weather looks for the blanket he left out in the living room earlier that day and Jolyne goes to help Anasui make sure their son has actually brushed his teeth. They all cluster around his bed and sing him a lullaby and just before he starts to drift off, he whispers a soft

“Love you.”

“We all love you Emporio.” Jolyne smiles and presses her lips onto his forehead and pulls the covers over their son. Despite making sure their son had a good bedtime routine, the polycule collapses onto their oversized bed and cuddle with one another before passing out in exhaustion.