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It's not really gay panic (if you're embracing it)

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It’s been three long months and frankly, Nate doesn’t think she’s ever been more sexually frustrated in her life. It’s infuriating. EJ’s infuriating. Everything is the worst and being a lesbian kind of sucks.

You’d think that having a sexual come to Jesus moment would mean a significant rise in the amount of sex Nate gets to have and enjoy. But apparently, not for her. In the sad, sad reality she lives in, Nate hasn’t even kissed a woman once since this new self-awareness hit her, and instead has spent most nights with her hand down her own underwear, thinking about all the ways EJ could probably fuck Nate up if she only got her stupid, attractive face out of her own (equally devastating) ass and noticed Nate.

The fact EJ doesn’t even notice Nate is hella ironic because the whole lesbian realization thing is EJ’s fault. One moment Nate is a confident hetero-notmative female with a hot, sweet fiance (who she maybe only gets to see a few times a year, but they’re childhood sweethearts and Nate rather liked the lack of distraction) and the next moment she is staring at EJ’s breasts thinking very impure thoughts.

It happened in one random day in April, just before the playoffs. Nate was just sitting there, minding her own business and EJ was prancing around the locker room in nothing but an oversized jersey and play-wrestling with Gabe. So when Gabe pulled her in by the jersey, making it stretch taunt against what was evidently a very naked, very female EJ underneath it resulted in not only Nate questioning every single thing she knew about herself, but also made Nate lose a few brain cells.

The playoffs were not really a time and place to have a crisis of any kind, so by the time Nate actually sat down and did a bunch of thinking over the whole thing, it was the middle of summer and it was pretty clear some big changes were in order. Breaking things off with Jo wasn’t great; she was upset, he was upset, and there was a lot of crying and not just from Nate, but after that it was easy to just accept it as a new reality.

So, yeah, Nate kind of thought that she’ll show up in Colorado, bat her lashes or whatever it is girls are supposed to do, and that would mean EJ will put her out of her misery, so to speak. And then Nate could ask her for advice on what to do next.

“Hey, Eeej,” she says, soft and girly, leaning against Ej’s locker on the first day of camp, completely ignoring Sam trying to organize his pads on the bench behind her.

“Hey there, NateDog,” EJ smiles, glancing down at Nate’s arms. Nate definitely wore a very low tank top and her least comfortable bra for EJ to notice her cleavage so that’s not exactly ideal. “Some impressive guns there, good summer?”

But she doesn't stay there to listen to Nate's reply, just passes Nate on her way to getting changed, all friendly and unassuming. So maybe Nate should consider putting more effort into this.

Nate reads three online articles about how to seduce other women and it’s incredibly unhelpful. It’s a lot of stupid advice about holding each other’s gaze and casual touching, which is something Nate and EJ have been doing for years, because they’re two girls on a hockey team. If you can’t casually hold hands with your female teammate, who can you, and Nate already knows there’s definitely nothing sexual about that.

Nate tries to make it more suggestive, just to try it out. They’re sitting on Nate’s bed in her hotel room, the three of them doing their own version of girls’ night in, with Josty trying to convince her and EJ to do face masks. Josty disappears into the bathroom, excited like the puppy she is, and Nate grins at EJ.

“This is so stupid,” EJ grumbles. “I could be watching a movie, or I could go out-”

Nate is very much not interested in listening about EJ’s plans going out to find some other girl to take home. So she leans in and puts a hand high on EJ’s thigh, as suggestive as it can be.

“Hey,” She bites her lip, nails raking over EJ’s thigh slowly. “You’re not having fun with us?”

EJ rolls her eyes. “Sure, Nate. So much fun.”

They’re sitting to closely together for how big the bed is, so much so that Nate thinks she can feel the heat radiating from EJ’s skin. Nate thinks about kissing her, just leaning forward and get EJ to keep quiet for one moment, make her lightheaded and dumb with how good Nate can be for her until EJ admits Nate is the best kisser she’s ever been with.

Fortunately, Josty bounces back into the room, and EJ gets up from the bed, claiming she needs to wash her face before putting some skin care shit on it. Nate is kind of happy she didn’t throw herself at EJ, because that would’ve been stupid and reckless. EJ is not the type of person who needs someone else to make a move, she would’ve kissed Nate herself had she been remotely interested in what Nate has to offer. So, no, not very successful with the eye-contact and the touching.

She doesn’t have many friends she can asks about shit like this, and it feels a little like she’s being a disappointment, but Nate still texts Sid to ask for her thoughts.

“What do you mean how to get someone to kiss you?” Sidney asks the moment Nate picks up the phone.

“I want someone to sex me up,” Nate admits, scratching the back of her head and cursing the moment she was weak and feeble minded and seriously thought this might be a good idea. “Oh, and hi, Sid.”

Sidney hums, as if she’s not being a total weirdo. “Who is it?”

“Just someone.” Nate insists.

“A teammate?” Sid asks suspiciously, and Nate must make some sort of sound because Sid is suddenly speaking very loudly into the phone. "Fuck, Natalia. Just no. Do not date any of those assholes.”

“Sid! I’m not.” She protests.

Sid is obviously not happy. “I’ll call EJ and make her tie you to a chair for your own good.”

And that actually sounds really nice and idyllic, Nate wishes she could just make EJ be attracted to her by having Sid make a phone call. And it would maybe even worked if EJ was even remotely the type of person to be cowed by Sidney Crosby.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it. I just want them to notice me. It’s a seduction thing.”

“Fine,” Sid agrees, voice harsh, but she relents almost immediately. “You should show interest in their hobbies or something.”

Neither of them say anything about the excessive use of non-gender-specific pronouns in that conversation, and Nate is kind of thankful for that, that’s a different conversation she definitely plans on having with Sid, but she wants to make it in person.

Sid’s advice seems to be legitimate, though, and Nate find herself following EJ around to three seperate horse-related events. Horseback riding might sound romantic in theory, but Nate knows she shouldn’t get on a horse in the middle of a season and risk breaking her collarbone. So they go to an auction and a couple shows.

It’s not bad, exactly, EJ is riding boots and a tight turtleneck sweater makes up for a lot of the disadvantages, including the terrible, horrible smell. And she looks cute when she’s talking animatedly about the horses in the race she likes and the ones that are related to the ones she has, animated knowledgeable. It’s a couple of fun afternoons, but it doesn’t do much except make Nate even annoyed at the lack of action. It’s a thousand small ways she wishes EJ would do something like lean closer, or put an arm around Nate’s shoulder, or kissed her cheek. But it never happens.

“Oh,” Sid says suddenly a couple weeks later. “How is the seduction thing going on with whoever it is? I texted EJ but she saying you’re being stealthy and she has no idea.. ”

Of course she doesn’t. Because by this point Nate strongly suspects she might just die without ever getting to put her mouth on somebody else’s vagina, let alone EJ’s. But still, giving up is not an option.

“Still working on it.” Nate answers weakly.

“I asked Geno about it -” Sid starts saying and Nate might as well go and start digging a hole in the backyard for her own body right this very moment. If Geno knows then every single Russian guy in the league knows as well.

“Sid!”

“Anyway,” Sid continues, because she’s Sidney fucking Crosby and human compassion is beyond her. “He said you should send the guy nudes?”

“What?”

“Geno says that you should just send them your boobs or whatever and they’ll get it.”

That’s. That’s actually a pretty good idea, not that Nate is going to tell that to Sidney. But she guesses she should start giving Geno a little bit more credit.

It takes her four days to get a new plunge bra, and then three more days to psyche herself out. But at the end of it she gets two decent mirror shots of herself in the new lingerie she bought, even if took her her a whole evening to get them.

She sends it to EJ immediately with a simple. bought this online should I keep it?

It’s an easy excuse, Josty sends both of them photos of dresses and shirts all the time, constantly asking for their opinion for whatever reason, as if Nate isn't the worse dresser in the world and EJ wears anything other than black and jeans. But it’s exactly the level of deniability Nate feels okay with. It's plausible if a stretch, but really it’s impossible to look at those photos and actually imagine they were meant as anything but fantasy fodder..

Seems impractical 🤷 EJ writes back the next morning.

Which sucks. Because not only did Nate get shot down again, it's also very likely she got shot down while EJ was fucking someone else, too busy to even look at Nate's texts.

do you think girls like this sort of thing? Nate sends, and then she takes a deep breath. do you think it's hot?

She watches the three dots appear and disappear, heart beating fast. It's a little crushing when all EJ sends is ???

i'm crushing on this girl... Nate writes, determined. She's sitting with her legs crossed on her bed, not having even brushed her teeth, and it feels totally ridiculous and immature, but she can't help the trepidation running through her.

EJ doesn't answer immediately, or even after fifteen minutes, or an hour. Half a day later Nate is forced to admit she was left n read. It leaves a sour taste in her mouth, but what else is new. The next time EJ texts her it's to ask if Nate can give Gabe a ride to the airport instead of her and the whole conversation gets pushed up anyway.

Nate kind of feels cheated here, because it has been three very lonely and very frustrating months. It’s not that she isn’t good at handling things on her own, she has spent the last several years in a long distance relationship with a guy that she wasn’t especially attracted two - she definitely knows how to get herself there. But if there should’ve been one benefit to being a newly self-identifying lesbian on a team with one Erika Johnson, it is that Nate should be getting nailed every which way from here to Nova Scotia. Sadly, it seems Nate is the only woman in North America EJ isn’t interested in nailing.

Nate has spent years watching as EJ easily pick up girls; tall girls, short girls, butch girls, femme girls, hockey girls, puck bunny girls, random bar girls, any type of girl, really, all the damn time. EJ is good like that, non-discriminating and open minded, except, apparently, when it comes to Nate, then she’s just not interested.

But Nate is nothing if not stubborn. Giving up is not an option. So when Tyson suggested they turn their bro-date into drinks with EJ and Gabe at the bar of their hotel in Toronto, Nate agreed, charitably deciding to not even mock Tyson for his codependency. She is not one to look a gift opportunity in the mouth, and Nate even wears a dress because sit makes her ass look great and he is exactly that desperate, but EJ has been looking away all evening, refusing to even meet Nate’s eyes.

“You guys want another drink?” EJ asks, leaning on the table, and Nate can’t help but notice the way it makes her shirt slide further down, revealing more skin through her armhole. “I’ve got this round.”

“More beer, please,” Tyson grins, dimples in full display.

“Same here.” Gabe nods, hand slung casually over his boyfriend’s shoulders. They’re all a little too drunk already, but Nate can’t get the energy to care about how they’re being too obvious.

Nate misses Tyson like a hole in the fabric of her soul every time she steps into the locker room, so she can only imagine how much worse it must be for Gabe. No, Nate isn’t going to resent the two of them getting the PDA going as long as they don’t get carried away (she’s been there, and unfortunately it’s more mortifying than hot).

“You got it.” EJ laughs and turns to Nate. EJ is wearing high waisted black jeans and a black crop top that looks impossibly soft against her breasts. Nate wonders how it feels against her skin because she can tell EJ’s not wearing a bra and it’s honestly kind of messing Nate up. A lot. “And for the lady?”

“I’m good. Thanks.” Nate shrugs one shoulder and tries to smile coyly, sliding her hands casually towards EJ.

EJ slips her hand away quickly. “Cool. I’m going to go flirt my way into a free round for everyone.”

She walks away and Nate doesn’t know what her face does, but it evidently makes Gabe roll his eyes. Whatever, as if Nate wasn’t there for when he was trying to “romance” Tyson by walking around naked all the time.

Gabe coughs, standing up. “I’m going to make sure we get our beers.”

Tyson sighs obnoxiously, tracing Gabe’s disappearing form with his eyes. “Best view ever.” Nate smiles despite herself.

“But the thing is,” Tyson says, leaning into Nate, his face so close to her cheek Nate can feel the way the words land on her skin.

His breath is wet and warm and Nate knows she would be annoyed if it was literally any other guy on the planet, but Tys has always been deceptively sneaky about getting through all of Nate’s defenses. He’s all soft, disarming smiles and even Nate, who actually knows how much of an asshole he can be, sometimes forgets he can read anyone to filth and isn’t afraid to do it.

“Thing is,” Tyson repeats, hiccuping. “You’re being really weird.”

Case in point.

Nate frowns and sits back. “Fuck you, I’m not.”

She’s really not ready to have Tyson start doing his Freud impression out in their hotel bar in Toronto. It’s also distracting Nate from trying to get a glimpse of EJ’s sideboob from across the room, which was her one and only joy this miserable evening.

Tyson shakes his head. “No, you totally, totally are.”

He scoots over again and, despite being almost as tall as he is, for a split second Nate goes all tense as her back hits the wall of the booth behind her, but it’s still Tyson, and she knows he’s as non-threatening as a puppy.

“What are you doing?” Nate tries to bat his hands away, laughing, but Tys reaches out to cup her face, his expression serious.

“Nate.” He says, and blinks.

“Yes?” She asks, sighing long-sufferingly. This night was going so much when she was just ogling EJ while miserably failing to get noticed by her yet again.

“Nate," Tyson insists. "Buddy, platonic love of my life. You need to be less of an asshole to EJ.”

Nate can feel her eyes go big with surprise. She’s definitely not being an asshole to anyone, and definitely not to EJ.

She shakes Tyson away from her. “What the fuck are you talking about, you drunk idiot?”

Tyson shrugs. “You’re being a tease. Smash the patriarchy and all that but you know you would never do that with any of the guys on the team. Give her some space.”

Nate can feel her face flush. “I know. But -” she doesn’t know how to explain it. EJ is reckless and loud, and doesn’t seem to give one damn what anyone thinks or says about her. She’s the epitome of cool-girl in a way Nate can’t ever imagine being. Sure, Nate is maybe cute, depending who you ask, but EJ is. She's just more. Part of it is she’s tall and modelesque, hot in all the conventional ways women are supposed to be, but it’s not even that. She’s just so damn confident in herself - it’s that she’s determined, and loyal, and protective of the people she loves. Nate feels like she wants to be with her all the time, even if they never hook up, she'd happily just soak up all the residual energy EJ emits. “I don’t want to give her space.”

It’s exactly the opposite of what she wants.

“So what’s up? You were good last year.” Tyson says. Across the room EJ’s saying something with her hands, making he crop ride up and reveal the skin of her stomach every other time.

Last year Nate still had a long term boyfriend and wasn’t obsessing over how soft EJ’s hair looked. And really, if you can’t confess your lesbian crisis to your gay best friend, who can you confess it to. She takes a big breath and,

“I think I’m gay, Tys.”

“Oh.” He says and takes a big gulp of his beer, as if Nate’s heart isn’t beating a thousand miles an hour. “That new?.”

Nate feels like she wants to throw up. “Well, yeah.”

“You get used to it.” Tyson shrugs. “What does it have to do with EJ anyway?” Nate can feel herself going mortifyingly red. “Nate? Do you like her?”

Nate wishes they weren’t having this conversation in public. “Maybe.”

“Oh me god.” Tyson grips her arm suddenly. “Oh my god. Natalia Rachel MacKinnon. You’re in love with EJ!”

“Shut up, shut up,” Nate hisses at him, looking around. “I’m not in love with her.”

Tyson’s eyes have gone comically large and he looks downright gleeful. “You are, you so are. You’re totally in love -,”

Nate shakes her head vehemently. “No. I’m. Fuck. I just find her really hot, okay?”

“Oh god,” Tyson whispers. “This is amazing.”

“Tyson!” Nate snaps, embarrassed and frustrated.

Tyson rolls his eyes. “Fine. But I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. If you really don’t have any feelings for her-”

“I don’t.” She insists. It's the first time Tyson sounded genuinely happy for a while, and Nate misses that, more than she cares to admit, so she doesn’t punch him, but it’s a significant effort to stop herself. She’s not even sure why him knowing bothers her at all, she’s been getting shot down by EJ for the apparent amusement of the entire team for three months now. Tyson knowing doesn’t change that.

He sighs. “Just tell EJ you want in her pants and let her give you the ceremonial guide to scissoring or whatever.”

Nate scrunches up her nose. “Tys.”

“I don’t know, I’m not an expert in vaginas.”

Nate sighs. “Neither am I.”

Tyson smiles, shoving her playfully. “Well, you now have a lifetime to fix that. But you still need to do something because about EJ because she thinks you’re a stupid straight girl and it makes Gabe sad.”

Nate really doesn’t want to tell him that she doesn’t think that’s what’s making Gabe sad, but she just nods and dials it down for the rest of the evening, trying not to take it personally when EJ completely ignores her in favour of chirping Tyson and Gabe over the game of footsie’s they’ve been conducting.

She’s well into getting ready to sleep, before She doesn’t think much about knocking at the door, her money’s on Josty coming to whine about JT’s biceps once again. It’s slim pickings, and Nate guesses she’s the better option for girl talk when the choice is either her or EJ.

But it’s not Josty, instead Nate finds EJ standing on the other side of the door, looking bashful and a little crazy.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” EJ says.

Nate looks like a disaster, she’s in her pyjamas bottoms and some huge ratty sweatshirt, her hair is tied up in some in bun with a fucking shoelace because she couldn’t find a scrunchy and she has just removed all of her makeup. And EJ wants to kiss her.

“Oh.”

“Say something,” EJ prompts, obviously agitated.

Nate coughs, looking. “Ehm. Yes, please?”

EJ’s over her in seconds, a hand tilting Nate’s face up, and mouth pressing confidently against hers. EJ’s lips are soft and she tastes like coconut lip balm, of all things, sweat and a little too sticky.

“Fuck,” Nate breathes out as soon as EJ lets her breathe. “I’m totally gay.”

“I’ve heard.” EJ laughs silently, rubs her nose against Nate’s temple and it’s so sweet Nate can’t help but kiss her again.

“What do you mean you’ve heard?” Nate says. “I’ve told you.”

“No, you told me you have a crush on some girl. That’s -” EJ sighs. “It’s different.”

“EJ, you were the girl. I sent you nudes. What did you think I was saying?”

“I don’t know! The same thing you were saying the last five years I’ve known you?”

“What?”

“You’ve have always sent me nudes. And you’ve always walked around with your stupid naked butt of yours all over the place. Six years, Nate! How was I supposed to know it was suddenly on purpose?”

“You like my butt?” Nate asks, because it's possibly the sweetest thing anyone has ever told her.

“Can I come in?” EJ asks, and Nate is breathless with just the thought of it. Imagines what it would be like to have EJ’s body pressed against her own, to run her hands over EJ’s bare skin. She wants that, wants it more than anything else.

She can feel her cheeks heat up but EJ seems to misinterpret her silence.

“We don’t have to-” She starts saying.

“No,” Nate reaches out for her hand and squeezes once. “I want to.”

The moment the door is closed she leans in and kisses EJ again, presses as close to her as she can. She kisses down EJ’s neck, hands roaming restlessly, undecidedly. She’s not sure what she wants to do now that she’s actually here, all of it too much and not nearly enough, EJ not being helpful at all.

“Whoa there, tiger,” EJ laughs, detangling herself from Nate a little, but never completely letting go. “Nowhere to rush.”

Nate disagrees, there is everywhere to rush to rush to. Namely, orgasms.

“Really? No rush?” She bites back, but unfortunately she sounds more whiny than she means to. “Some of us have been waiting for months.”

They race out of their clothes, until EJ is wearing nothing but lacy underwear and Nate is in her sports bra and shorts. It’s hard not to feel self conscious when EJ is looking like a wet dream, but Nate is way more determined to touch her than figure out how best to angle her body so that EJ doesn’t notice her soft belly bulge out.

It’s easy to tumble onto the bed, it’s even easier to wrap her hands around EJ when she leans over to cover Nate’s body with her own. They kiss like that for a white, mouths soft and hands exploring until Nate is sure she is intentionally being driven out of her mind, teased with clever fingers without being given anything to really hang onto.

“EJ, come on.” She sighs and the other woman bites playfully at the top of Nate’s breast, just above the fabric, and Nate is sure that this is it, finally it’s going somewhere.

“Have you been with a woman before?” EJ asks instead, voice low, and Nate knows that she’s being played with here, but it’s all kind of overwhelming.

“Eh,” she says. “I. Maybe?”

“Oh,” EJ raises herself on her elbows and smirks down at her. “Tell me?”

Nate coughs, avoiding her eyes. “Sid. But, like, ages ago.”

EJ laughs loudly. “Oh god, you got to fuck Sidney Crosby?”

“No! It wasn’t-, we just made out a little.” Nate doesn’t really know how to explain that they were wine drunk and bone tired from swimming. It was the least sexual make-out session of her life.

“You made out a little.” EJ repeats, casually twirling a lock of Nate’s hair around her finger. “Well, hopefully I can raise the bar here.”

“Well, maybe if you actually do something instead of being a tease...” Nate huffs at her.

“I’m being a tease?” EJ asks, incredulous. “You’ve been the most impossible person to be around for years."

Nate doesn’t know what to say so she kisses EJ again, lets her hands slide down onto EJ’s thigh, slipping a finger below the lace to rub at the skin below. To be honest, she thinks she’s being awesome at this, but EJ catches her hand before she can get to far.

“Okay. Relax, relax.” EJ laughs. “There’s plenty of time for that, babe.”

Nate frowns. “But - “

Ej bends down to playfully bite her lip. “Let’s make a deal, you let me eat you out at my own pace and then you get to touch me.”

“Fuck,” Nate moans, trying not to laugh. “Hard to bargain with that, Eeej.”

“That’s the point.” She smirks cockily and Nate can’t even begrudge her that because then she says. “Come on, ride my face, babe.” and Nate kind of loses her mind in all the best ways.

EJ is, well, good. But good doesn’t quite cover it. Nate can feel her own breath coming shallow and fast in trepidation while they arrange themselves, and she practically jumps out of her skin when EJ’s tongue finally touches her clit. She shudders again when EJ replaces her fingers with her tongue, drawing small circles that make Nate go absolutely boneless.

She’s used to feeling in control like this, her thighs on either side of someone, taking her own pleasure, but not like that at all. It’s as if EJ knows exactly when to go harder and when to withdraw, it’s teasing and controlling, and Nate can’t help but claw at anything around her, desperate for something solid to hold on to.

“God,” Nate moans, looking down at EJ. “Oh, fuck me.”

It’s decidedly too much, the way EJ looks under her, eyes dark and intent, meeting Nate’s gaze with a challenge as if she knows exactly how amazing she is at this. She probably does, if her self-satisfied wink is anything to go by.

Nate feels like every nerve in her body is buzzing, all connected to where EJ is sucking on her clit, driving her to sheer insanity. She can feel her orgasm come like a storm, flowing through her like tidal waves until she is shaking and squirming.

 

But EJ has her own plans. She switches to small, gentle licks and grabs Nate’s thighs, spreading them wider and making Nate hold on to the wall in hope she doesn’t collapse or die or make any movement that could make EJ even consider stopping for one second.

She’s been making a lot of whiny, breathy sounds and she can’t help show she’s shaking, trying to stay still and be good for EJ. It’s too fast and too intense after that, every other pulse of EJ’s mouth sending a shock through her system until she’s nothing but a giant ball of nerves.

She somehow find energy to fall back besides EJ, collapsing back against the headboard and trying to get some oxygen back into her brain.

“- okay?” She can feel EJ’s arms around her, and nods even though she’s not sure exactly what EJ said.

It’s easier to focus now that she’s breathing again and she meets EJ’s gaze, both of them laughing, happy and relieved.

“Fuck, you’re so good.” EJ smiles, smoothly folding herself at Nate’s side.

Nate is still buzzing with the orgasm, just a little, and this, being skin to skin with EJ, Nate’s hands moving towards her breasts as if by instinct. It’s not what she expected.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” She says, awe-struck.

EJ laughs again, sounding surprised. “Jesus, Nate. Don’t say shit like that.”

“What?” Nate frowns, defensive. “I wanted to say that for a while.”

EJ’s eyes go soft and she leans down to quickly kiss Nate’s cheek. “Yeah?”

Nate turns her head until their lips slide against each other. “Yeah.”

She tasted herself on others before, but it’s different when it’s EJ, hotter somehow. Like it’s just another proof that Nate gets to do this with her.

EJ looks down at her lips. “My turn?”

Nate nods. “Please.”

EJ kisses her softly, teeth gently grazing Nate’s bottom lip and Nate then moves EJ closer to her, guiding her until she’s straddling Nate’s lap. She moans, encouraging, and runs her hands up Nate’s back, rubs her neck slowly before sliding her fingers to pull at Nate’s hair gently.

Nate can’t wait anymore, wants to know how she tastes, and how she feels, and how she sounds when Nate is making her come. She flips them, holding EJ up until her back hits the bed, Nate’s weight pinning her down.

“Fuck, you’re strong,” EJ says but she’s smiling, so Nate kisses her again, grinning, before she slides down her body.

She can’t help herself and stops to play with EJ’s nipples, gentling rubbing her thumbs over them until EJ takes her left hand and pushes it down on top of her underwear, and Nate might be easily distracted byboobs but she can take a hint.

She rubs two fingers on the wet fabric, making EJ moan above her. Nate glances up and she can see EJ grinning - happy, and mischievous, and so, so familiar. She thought this was going to be scary, but it’s really, really not. She slips her hand under the elastic, rubs gentle circles, as EJ’s chest rises and she moans louder.

“What do you like?” Nate doesn’t think she can be as good as EJ is, not her first time, but she’s always been good at following directions.

“Just go back and forth, across.” EJ says, sounding breathy already. Her voice is high in a way Nate isn’t used to hearing it and the sound of her small abrupt moans makes her want to push harder.

“Yeah, press against me.” EJ says, closing her eyes, her breath coming in short puffs.

“Get you hips up,” Nate says and then slides EJ’s underwear down when she does. She slides two fingers into EJ, thrusting slowly as EJ shakes beneath her. EJ’s back is arched towards her, a deep blush covering her body and Nate would tell her she’s beautiful again if she could find the air to do so.

EJ tightens around Nate’s fingers as she pushes them faster inside her, curling them a little. Her chest is rising and falling to the pace of Nate’s hands, and it’s so mind-blowingly powerful Nate doesn’t know how she’s been able to live without this.

Snuggling together is almost normal, even though EJ’s still naked. Nate is pretty happy about the nakedness, all in all, even though she put her own pyjama pants back on.

“So, part of coming out was buying lingerie?” EJ asks softly.

“No, buying lingerie was part of seducing you.” Nate clarifies, yawning.

“Ah.”

“Yes.” Nate confirms, snuggling closer. Getting to be the big spoon to EJ's lanky form sure is a surprise, but a very good one.

“We’re going to be a much better couple than Gabe and Tyson.” EJ says finally, sleepy and happy. Nate grins into the back of her neck - she totally agrees.

Okay, she muses as she falls asleep, being a lesbian kind of rocks.