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A Very Score Christmas Song

Chapter Text

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You can download the mp3 file, a Karaoke version, and PDFs of the sheet music here.

Chapter Text

In Santa Land at the North Pole
Each elf has a very special role
Some build, or bake, or hoard the coal
But only one can score a goal—
That’s Farley, the hockey elf!

Farley, the hockey elf
He’s got strong legs and sense of self
Out on the ice, not on no shelf
Is Farley, the hockey elf

Farley’s got a heart of gold
And quotes from men so white and old
And oh! The undies he has sold!
Has Farley, the hockey elf

Farley used to have a team
Playing with them was a dream
Younger then (he was seventeen)
Was Farley the hockey elf

Then Santa saw his button face
Mistook him for an elf misplaced
And so alone the kid now plays
As Farley the hockey elf

Farley, the hockey elf
He’s got smooth cheeks and sense of self
Out on the ice, not on no shelf
Is Farley, the hockey elf

He tried forming a new team but it was no use
Snowmen made poor substitutes
And the fattest reindeer is no Moose,
For Farley the hockey elf.

And then one fateful Christmas Eve,
His neighbour (home for Christmas), Eve,
Saw he’d gone, and with his team did grieve
Poor Farley, the hockey elf.

They wished hard for communication
Through transcendental meditation
And with a flying reindeer for transportation,
Reached Farley the hockey elf.

Farley, the hockey elf
He’s got good friends and sense of self
Out on the ice, not on no shelf
Is Farley, the hockey elf

To see his friends brought great delight
The band of brothers all could fight
They confronted Santa just pre-flight
For Farley the hockey elf.

“My name is Farley Gordon and I’m not an elf, just cute.
It is an honour to work here for you,
But to my own self I must be true,
Not to Farley the Hockey Elf.”

“Ugh, miss me with Polonius”
Said Santa – “That guy’s odious
But I didn’t know life here was so onerous
For Farley the hockey elf.”

Farley, the hockey elf
He’s got questionable heroes and sense of self
Out on the ice, not on no shelf
Is Farley, the hockey elf

So he was freed, just as they planned,
But first some hockey was at hand
“Oh the greatest game in the land!”
Sang Farley’s truest self.

Farley, the hockey elf
He’s got strong legs and sense of self
Out on the ice, not on no shelf
Is Farley, the hockey elf