Chapter 1: you really don't recognize me?
“Are you serious? You really don’t recognize me?” Christen is shocked and kind of confused.
“Nope. Not at all. Why would I know you?”
Christen doesn’t know whether or not she’s the one who should be embarrassed but she definitely is.
She debates what to say for what feels like minutes but the girl across from her just stares back with a blank look.
“Um, well, we have class together, like three times a week. But aside from that, we, uh, hooked up, I guess? At the Delt party last weekend.”
The girls face remains unchanged and she shrugs her shoulders, completely unbothered.
Christen’s face and neck blush and she wishes more than anything that she could sink into the floor, never to be seen again, when all of a sudden, she feels a fist connect with her shoulder.
“I’m just playing around, Christen. Of course I remember you. Even I wouldn’t forget such a pretty face.”
Christen’s blood boils. Of course Tobin was messing around with her. She should have known better.
“Hey, don’t be mad. In like 5 years, when we’re married, you’ll look back on this and think it’s hilarious. Promise.”
Christen’s jaw drops, completely speechless. Before she can process what Tobin just said, Tobin’s hand is on the small of her back and she’s leading her toward the kitchen.
“At least let me get you a drink for the trouble?” Tobin is laughing and Christen is too stunned to do anything other than accept.
Chapter 2: what ever you say, dear
Tobin sets Christen down on top of the washing machine and starts kissing up the column of her neck when Christen pushes her away.
“Chris. No one is coming. I promise,” Tobin says as she leans back in.
“How can you be sure?” Christen’s voice is laced with enough concern that Tobin lifts her head up to look Christen in the eye.
“Because I told Derek and Jason that if they let anyone down this hallway, I’d get them blacklisted from their own parties,” Tobin’s eyes sparkle and her face lights up with a mischievous grin. “Plus, it’s at least a little hot that someone could, theoretically, catch us. Right? Just a little?” she teases, poking Christen’s thigh.
Christen’s face turns beet red because she thinks it’s more than just a little hot. But she doesn’t want Tobin to know that, not yet.
Christen turns away which, coincidentally, exposes the side of her neck to Tobin’s waiting lips, “Fine, but if someone catches us, I won’t let you touch me for, like, a week.”
“Whatever you say, dear,” Tobin replies, too focused on kissing Christen senseless to pay her warning any mind.
Chapter 3: the dark of night
“Chris, are you seriously gonna stand here and stare at her all night?” Kelley is laughing at her and has been periodically since they arrived at the Delt house.
Christen knows that she’s not particularly smooth and the whole talking to girls thing is still pretty intimidating so she just nods and keeps working on the beer in her hand that is well on its way to being too warm.
“Christen, come on! What’s the worst that could happen? Just, like, compliment her hat or something?”
She turns to look away from Tobin for the first time since she spotted her. “Really, Kel? Compliment her hat? You want me to go up to her and say, ‘Hey, Tobin! I like your hat! Wanna fuck me?’ That’s ridiculous?”
“I mean, I’m down.”
Christen’s face goes ghost white. The silence hangs in the air for a moment before Kelley bursts out laughing.
“Y-you were not supposed to hear that,” Christen mutters under her breath and looks down at her feet.
She expects to hear Tobin join Kelley in laughing but instead she feels something placed gently on her head.
“There. Looks good on you.” Tobin takes a step back and looks Christen up and down. “Hey, you! I like your hat!” Then Tobin leans in and whispers right against Christen’s ear, “Wanna come upstairs?”
Christen is laying on a bed that definitely belongs to someone she doesn’t know with her eyes closed, trying to catch her breath. She feels Tobin get up and hears the rustling of her putting her clothes back on.
“Hey, you. That was fun. I, uh, gotta get going. But enjoy the rest of your night,” Tobin leans down and places a quick kiss on Christen’s lips.
She slips out the door and leaves Christen alone with her thoughts. Christen takes a minute to appreciate the feeling of post-orgasm bliss and the quiet before all of her worries come flooding back.
When she stands up, her head spins a bit and she has to lean back against the bed to find her balance. She presses her hand along the wall until she finds the light switch and turns it on. She gathers up her clothes and slips her underwear back on before pulling her dress on over her head.
Then, she looks down at her shoes, heels that are pretty high with a lot of straps, and whispers, “Fuck it,” to herself, not even bothering to try putting them back on.
Heels in hand, she trudges down the stairs to find Kelley, unsure if she’s grateful or pissed. Probably both. But that’s not something Kelley needs to know.
Chapter 4: the light of day
The party they go to on Friday is on the smaller side. One of Tobin’s sorority sisters has a handful of friends over and lets each of them bring a plus-one. It’s supposed to be classy, or whatever, but that basically means that they all drink rosé until they’re drunk enough to start actually drinking.
Tobin and Christen are sitting on the couch, huddled together sharing a bottle of something way too sweet but they’re drinking it anyway, when some suggests they play “Kings.” After a beat of silence during which no one objects, they all gather around the table and someone puts a can of Natty Daddy in the middle. They play with house rules because there aren’t any guys at the party and everyone goes from tipsy to drunk by the end of the first round.
When it’s Tobin’s turn the second time around, she draws a Jack and puts up her three fingers for “Never Have I Ever.” All of her sorority sisters groan. Tobin is notorious for targeting people to get a laugh and, even though it’s all in good fun, no one wants to be called out.
She decides to be nice and forgo her usual strategy, instead choosing a prompt that she assumes will make everyone have to put a finger down (herself included), “Never have I ever watched porn.”
She puts down her ring finger and glances around the table. She quickly notices that there are only two people at the table who still have their all of their fingers up and one of them is Christen.
The game continues on but Tobin can’t get past this revelation. “Babe, are you serious? Like you’ve really never watched porn before?”
Christen blushes and shakes her head, almost imperceptible to everyone but Tobin, “Never.”
Tobin leans in to whisper in her ear, not wanting to embarrass her, “For real? What do you use to masturbate? Like do just imagine something?”
“I, uh, don’t really do that either?” Christen responds under her breath, “Can we talk about this later? Please?”
Tobin nods in agreement and turns back to the game at hand.
At around 1 in the morning, they’re finally sober enough to walk home so they grab their coats and tug on their boots and start the mile-long journey back to the upper classman dorms on the other side of campus. They’re hardly down the block from the party when Tobin returns to her line of questioning from earlier in the evening.
“Chris, I’m sorry, I legit don’t know why I’m so hung up on this but, like, you really don’t masturbate? Like you’re telling me you only cum when I do it for you? Because I love you and I love having sex with you but, like, every night we don’t sleep together I rub one out before bed. How do you not do that? I just, I don’t get it.”
Christen just laughs, “It’s really not that big of a deal. I don’t know, at home I share a room with Channing so I never really thought to try anything. Plus, even if I had wanted to I wouldn’t do it with her there, ya know? And then freshman year I had a roommate who, like, never left our room, which is honestly why I joined Greek life – I needed somewhere else to hangout where she wouldn’t be. And then last year I lived with Kelley so it definitely wasn’t an option then. And now that I have my own room I have you, so…”
“I guess that’s fair,” Tobin relents. “But like, what do you do when you’re turned on? Like, I think about having sex with you all the time. I mean, not actually all the time, but, like, a lot. And sometimes I can’t stop thinking about it until either we do it or I take care of it myself. To be honest, sometimes I’ll be trying to do homework at my desk or something and start missing you and then I think about how if you were with me that it’d be really hot if you sat on the desk so I could eat you out and then I can’t go back to doing homework until I’ve had an orgasm because otherwise you keep distracting me and you’re not even actually there.”
By now they’re halfway home and Christen is practically doubled over in laughter, “Jeez Tobes, I really had no idea. Of course I get turned on thinking about you, but I usually just text you and then you come over and we have sex before we go to sleep so it works out. And on nights you can’t come, I just meditate until I’m relaxed so it doesn’t bother me.”
Tobin stops walking to look at her, “You’re really something else, CP. I don’t know how you do it.”
Christen just shrugs, “I mean, I’m not opposed, per se, to trying anything. I’d just rather do it with you than by myself.”
“Wait, which part?” Tobin asks eagerly.
Christen shrugs again, “Either, I guess? I don’t really care, as long as you’re there.”
Tobin nods her head, satisfied, at least for the time being, with Christen’s explanation.
Tobin is already gone when Christen wakes up. She had a ceramics class that she’d already paid for so she felt like she had to go even though she really didn’t want to leave Christen.
When Christen finally gets out of bed, Sofia and Julie are in the common room of their suite still in their pajamas so Christen makes brunch for all of them and they decide to re-watch the first season of Glee while painting their nails. Before long, their nails are drying and they’re reminiscing about high school and how much, or little, they miss it.
It’s late in the afternoon when Tobin texts Christen to let her know she’s back on campus.
[Tobin Heath]: hey babe, im back, movie night?
lmk when you wanna come over?
[Christen Press]: Yay!
I want to come over now
Want me to pick up dinner on my way?
[Tobin Heath]: that would be great
[Christen Press]: I love you
I’ll text you when I need you to let me in
Christen arrives at Tobin’s half an hour later with two double cheeseburgers and fries from Denny’s and a six-pack of Twisted Tea from the Corner Store. She’s lucky and someone is walking out of the building just as she arrives so she lets herself in and texts Tobin to let her know that she’s on her way up.
The door to Tobin’s suite is open when she gets there and she half expects to find it full so she’s surprised that Tobin alone on the couch waiting for her. “Where is everyone?”
“Al is with Serv, Harry is with Baps, and Kel is visiting her brother this weekend,” Tobin explains as she gets up to greet Christen. She takes their dinner from her and puts it on the kitchen counter and stows the drinks in the fridge before turning around and pulling Christen in for a kiss.
They start to get carried away when Tobin’s stomach rumbles loudly enough to startle both of them so they decide to pick a movie and put it on while they eat. Ocean’s 8 is in their recommended watch-list so Christen chooses it, pouting when Tobin roles her eyes until they both laugh.
“It’s a good movie!” Christen insists.
Tobin, who already started eating, shrugs, answering through a mouthful of food, “It’s fine, I guess, you just think Cate in a suit is hot and that Sandy B is pretty.”
Christen ignores her (because she’s right) and goes to get the ketchup from the fridge.
When they’re finished eating, they move from the table to the couch so that they have a better view of the tv. Tobin rests her head in Christen’s lap so that she’ll play with her hair. That doesn’t last long though because within a few minutes Tobin sits back up so she can pay better attention.
Christen leans over to tease her, “See, babe. It is a good movie. You just forgot how much you liked it.”
Tobin doesn’t deny it and Christen just smirks at her and then places a quick kiss on her cheek before turning back to the tv.
The movie ends and Christen gets up to turn of the tv while Tobin stretches out on the couch, “It would have been much better if it was gay, just saying.”
Christen laughs, “You’re just saying that cause you’re gay.”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Also, speaking of being gay…”
“Tobin, that’s such a dumb segue, do I wanna know what you’re about to say?”
“Y’know what? Fine. Never mind,” Tobin teases, knowing that refusing to tell her will make Christen curious.
“Babe, c’mon, don’t be like that.”
“Be like what?”
“That. Just say what you were gonna say and be done with it.”
“I was just gonna ask if you wanted to watch another movie.”
“Seriously?” Christen rolls her eyes, “Why are you like this?”
Tobin just laughs and picks up the remote then puts it back down, “Actually, do you maybe want to watch in my room?”
Christen starts to get irritated, “I honestly couldn’t care less, whatever you want.”
Tobin turns off the tv and heads to her room; Christen follows close behind. Tobin plops down on her bed and opens her laptop before turning to face Christen who had taken a seat next to her.
“So, I was thinking maybe we could watch a different kind of movie?”
“I already told you that whatever you want is fine, just put something on please,” Christen says with a tone that makes it clear to Tobin that her patience is running thin.
Tobin’s cheeks blush as she realizes that she’s going to have to spell out her idea, “No, Chris, I mean like, umm, porn? I think it would be really hot to watch together. Especially, you know, because you’ve never done it before. What do you think?”
Christen reaches over to put her hand high on Tobin’s thigh and lets the questions hang for a long moment, making Tobin squirm. “I think I could be interested in that. But, do you, uh, know how to find good porn?
Christen’s question helps Tobin relax. “Of course I do, babe. This is amateur hour for you, not me,” she replies with a laugh. “Do you have any idea what you think you might like?”
It’s Christen’s turn to blush, “I don’t know, I guess the same things I like when we have sex? Is that how it works for you?”
“Yeah, I mean, I just try to find something that looks kinda realistic I guess? Lots of lesbian porn is super fake because it’s made for straight men. But I found this site in high school that’s made by women for women so there’s usually some good stuff on there. Why don’t you get comfortable while I find something?”
Christen gets up from the bed to take off her clothes and considers taking off her bra and underwear before deciding to leave them on. When she sits back down, Tobin sets the laptop down in front of her, “how do you feel about this?”
The screen shows two young women sitting on a couch in a living room that looks quite similar to the way they were sitting just a few minutes earlier, “Tobin, that could practically be us.”
“Yeah, that’s why I picked it, hopefully it’s pretty chill. And, I know you know this, but if at any point it makes you uncomfortable or you’re not into it anymore, you can totally turn it off. This is about you and making you feel good.”
Christen’s nerves, and the annoyance from earlier, dissipate and her heart swells with love for her girlfriend. “Do you think maybe we can make out a little bit first? Just to get in the mood?”
Tobin sets her computer to the side and then leans over to kiss Christen. She’s gentle at first but Christen quickly makes it clear that she’s looking for more. Tobin leans them back so that she’s laying on top of her and Christen slips her hands under the hem of Tobin’s t-shirt. She parts her lips and swipes her tongue across Tobin’s bottom lip then sucks on it briefly before taking it between her teeth. “Are you sure you don’t just wanna have sex?” she breathes into Tobin’s now open mouth, pushing her hips up into Tobin’s.
Tobin tries to respond but it comes out as a moan which Christen interprets to mean that she’s okay skipping the porn. She starts to peel off Tobin’s shirt but before she can pull it all the way off Tobin is sitting back on her heels.
“Babe, wait, sorry, um, if you don’t want to we don’t have to, obviously,” she says, still breathing hard. “But I really want to. Can we please just try it?” Tobin looks more than a little desperate and Christen can’t, doesn’t want to, deny her.
Tobin centers the computer between them and presses play, then immediately fasts forward through the awkward scripted conversation that proceeds the foreplay. She’s about to lay back down when Christen sits up and grabs her hand, “Are you gonna touch yourself too?”
Tobin knows she’s actually asking Tobin do it, even if she hadn’t planned to, so she reassures her, “Of course, babe. We’re doing this together.” She kisses her once more and then grabs a pillow a pillow to help her prop her head up before taking another one for herself. “Here, all set. Just relax, in a few minutes it’s gonna feel so good. I promise.”
Much to Christen’s surprise, Tobin is right. The women on the screen start kissing and one of them quickly climbs on top of the other, grinding down into her. A few moments later they take their shirts off and Christen involuntarily clamps her thighs together, searching for relief. She feels heat spread across her cheeks at the realization that she’s turned on and glances over at Tobin. Tobin has one hand up her shirt, clearly working over her chest, and the other resting just underneath the band of her sweatpants running lazy circles across the bottom of her stomach.
When Christen focuses back on the screen, the woman against the couch has the other woman’s nipple in her mouth and her head is being held in place by fingers threaded through her hair. Christen whimpers quietly at the sight and memories of her and Tobin doing virtually the same thing a few days ago come flooding back. She can’t help but tug at her own nipples until they harden underneath her soft fingertips. The woman on screen bites down and Christen matches with a particularly rough tug that makes her breath catch in her throat.
She looks over at Tobin again and this time Tobin isn’t looking at the screen at all. She’s focused entirely on Christen’s chest, staring intently and mirroring Christen’s actions on herself. Christen realizes then that Tobin doesn’t want to watch porn. She wants to watch her watch porn and the thought sends a shiver of arousal down her spine.
Christen looks back at the screen again and sees that one of the women is now kneeling on the floor eating the other out. The sounds of their labored breathing, along with Tobin’s, fill Christen’s ears and she can’t hold back anymore. She gives her chest one last squeeze and then slides her hands down her stomach under the band of her underwear and instantly feels the evidence of her arousal that has pooled there. She runs her fingers through it and can’t help but squeeze her eyes shut, moaning as her fingers slide through the wetness with ease.
When she opens her eyes again, she sees the woman on her knees slipping a finger into the woman on the couch and she does the same. Her hips buck up as she teases at her entrance. When her finger slips inside, she moans again and then she feels hot breath against her cheek.
“Chris,” Tobin heaves, “Chris, you’re so fucking hot. I’m – I’m gonna cum.”
Hearing Tobin, she draws her finger out quickly and circles it around her clit. “Me too,” she breathes out, “I – oh my god. Oh. My. God. Tobin.” The last thing she sees before her eyes close with the force of her orgasm is a wave of pleasure spread across Tobin’s face.
It takes a while for her to come back to her senses. When she opens her eyes again, it’s in response to the sharp feeling of Tobin’s chin digging into her chest. Tobin looks up at her expectantly and Christen can tell that she’s hoping for verbal confirmation that she enjoyed herself. Instead, she just pulls Tobin on top of her, eager to show her how great of an experience it was.
Chapter 5: i can't just 'let it go'
“Where were you last night?” Christen says through gritted teeth.
“Playing Call of Duty with Harry and Baps,” Tobin says sheepishly. “Sorry.”
“I called you 8 times, Tobin. 8 times.” Christen is seething. “I, I just don’t understand why you didn’t call me back. Or even text me. Like why did you tell me you were gonna come over if you didn’t want to? You could’ve just said no.”
“Look, Chris. You’re angry. I get it. But I said I was sorry, can you please just let it go?”
Tobin knows she’s not going to get off that easy, knows she doesn’t deserve to. But Christen is so good at being a girlfriend and Tobin has never done it before. It’s so much work and she’s so tired. She just wanted to play video games with her friends and not have to think about anybody else. She knows that was selfish and that she shouldn’t have done it. It would’ve been easy to shoot Chris a text to say she was just gonna stay with Allie. But for some reason, pushing her limits, seeing what reaction she would get from Christen was too tempting to pass up.
But now that she’s here, actually having to face the consequences of her actions, she has major regrets.
“No. Tobin. I can’t just ‘let it go’,” she mimes air quotes around Tobin’s phrase to emphasize its absurdity. Tobin hangs her head in shame as Christen continues on, “I need you to explain why it was so hard for you to answer me. Or maybe I should be asking why it was so easy for you to ignore me?”
Tobin looks up when she hears Christen’s voice crack and her heart all but breaks when she sees that tears are welling in her eyes.
“Fuck, Chris. I’m such an idiot. I don’t know why I didn’t answer you, okay. I was just being stupid, I guess? I really have no excuse. I wasn’t thinking. Or maybe I was? But only about myself. And you’re my girlfriend so I should’ve been thinking about you too.”
Tobin steps closer to Christen, reaches her arms out, but then Christen turns and steps away.
“Ugh,” Christen throws her head back in frustration, “I’m just so mad at you. And for the past few months you’ve been the person who’s comforted me when I’m upset but now you’re the one who made me upset but I still want you to comfort me and it’s so annoying,” Christen’s hands are clenched in tight fists at her sides to keep herself from reaching out for Tobin.
Tobin steps forward again to close the space that Christen had created. “I hear you, and that’s, like, totally fair. But let me make it up to you? Can I, like, go get you a milkshake or something and then give you a massage and hold you while you take a nap and then we can talk about it again when we’ve cooled down?” She wraps her arms loosely around her girlfriend so that she can easily step away again if she wants too.
Christen looks at her like she really, really, wants to say no but Tobin’s offer is just a bit too tempting so, against her will, she melts into Tobin’s embrace.
When Christen wakes up from her nap, her anger has dissipated and all she’s left with is a deep sense of hurt and confusion. Tobin is asleep next to her and she looks so peaceful and innocent and Christen so wishes that she could just forgive Tobin and move on but she knows it’s not that simple.
She rolls over onto her side so that she’s facing Tobin and shakes her shoulder gently to wake her up. “Tobin, we need to talk,” she whispers, her voice sleep-laden.
Tobin groans as she stretches her arms above her head in an effort to wake all the way up. Then she sits and rubs her hands over her face to rid herself of the last bits of sleep before turning so that she’s facing Christen.
“I just want to start by apologizing again. I know I was wrong and I take full responsibility for that. I can’t promise you that I won’t mess up again but I can promise you that I will work really hard to never mess up that badly again. You’re worth way more to me than a couple of hours of lazy selfishness and some video games.”
This time, hearing Tobin say all the right things is enough to put a chink in Christen’s armor and she scooches over so that her head is resting in Tobin’s lap. She looks up to meet her eyes, “Just don’t do it again, okay? I hate being mad at you.”
“I hate you being mad at me, too,” Tobin teases as she runs her fingers through Christen’s hair.
Chapter 6: stolen sweater
Finals are killing them. Better now than actually during finals week. That would suck, to have to stay and not just fuck around. But finals, no matter when they are, aren’t fun.
It’s safe to say that they’re all planning on getting hammered. The pregame is starting at 5:30 since they all have to be at the house by 7 to help with setup.
And now it’s already 5:15 - Christen slept way longer than she was planning to when she got home from her exam that ended at 2:30 and she’s emptying her dresser in search of the Christmas sweater she knows is there but can’t seem to find. She’d placed it carefully at the bottom of the pile when she moved in in August, knowing that she wouldn’t need it until December.
She hears the sound of footsteps making their way down the hallway of her suite and calls out, “Babe, is that you?”
“Yep!” Tobin calls back, clearly less groggy than Christen.
When she turns around to greet her, that grogginess fades instantly to fury. Tobin is wearing her god damn Christmas sweater.
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been looking for that for the past hour! I hate you,” she rolls her eyes and pushes against Tobin’s chest when she tries to hug her.
“What? I asked you if I could take it when I left last night!”
“No! You asked if you could take a sweater, not my Christmas sweater!”
“Well. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you didn’t explicitly say I couldn’t take it so I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree,” Tobin shrugs.
Christen decides to take another tactic, people are coming over in 10 minutes and she doesn’t have anything else on theme to wear so she swallows her pride and whispers, “Okay,” against Tobin’s lips as she kisses her.
Lucky for her, it doesn’t take long for Tobin to get caught up in the kiss and soon enough she slips her hands under the hem of her sweater and pushes it above Tobin’s chest. Tobin immediately pulls it the rest of the way off and tosses it to the ground, assuming that she’s about to get some.
Before Tobin has a chance to realize what’s going on, Christen has grabbed the sweater from the floor and pulled it on over her t-shirt, not wanting to risk any sort of delay, “Take that, asshole,” she laughs as Tobin stares at her, mouth agape.
“I cannot believe you just did that,” Tobin’s eyes are wide, “honestly, I’m almost too impressed to be mad, you really played me, damn.”
Christen shrugs her shoulders in the way that says I know, I’m the best and then struts out of her room to start setting out cups and snacks for their friends.
“Umm, Chris, so what am I supposed to wear? I don’t think you’d appreciate me showing up to your pregame in my bra,” Tobin calls out from the bedroom.
She finishes pulling the mixers out of the fridge and shouts back, “One – I’d definitely appreciate it, I just wouldn’t appreciate having anyone else around. And, two – call Allie and have her bring you one, I’m sure she has like seven.”
“Good call, babe. For now, I’m taking one of your t-shirts. Are any of them off limits?”
Christen doesn’t answer, just smiles to herself, grateful to know how much her girlfriend cares about her.