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Izanagi the Pirate

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0.

            „Fuck,” Sasuke spat on the ground, an ugly mix of saliva and blood evaporated nearly immediately – all the rocks of the cave were red-hot, licked by dark flames of Sasuke’s vicious Amateratsu.

 

            He was in the past for almost half a year now and his self-assigned mission to singlehandedly wipe out Zetsu and Uchiha Madara (along with Obito, because even after all the years they had spent together, Sasuke was not Naruto, would never believe the best of people, would never forgive as easily as the blonde did) was coming to an anticlimactic end. Sasuke stood in the middle of the cave in Sangaku no Hakaba, the Mountains’ Graveyard and watched with disdain as his black fire devoured everything inside. The flames embraced him, too, curiously dancing along his skin and the blade of his katana, yet, did not dare to bite. They recognized their creator, their master, and obeyed his will.

 

            The corpse of Uchiha Madara still sat on the stone throne, slumped in a mockery of a relaxed posture. The old warmongering piece of shit was Sasuke’s first kill; a swift slash of his sword made sure that he would no longer plague the world. Obito did not die as easily; on the contrary, Sasuke made sure that his cousin had suffered before his departure from the world. His mangled body lay on the opposite end of the cave, the right half of it crushed under a giant boulder that fell off the arch they were fighting under. (If Sasuke had helped the boulder fall off, then, well, he was petty like that.)

 

            Zetsu had been the hardest challenge, mostly because of how slippery the Black one proved to be. Nonetheless, just as Sasuke predicted, the second he went to destroy the Gedo Mazo, and all the White clones hidden within it – Kaguya’s Will resurfaced to stop him. Sasuke hadn’t bothered with fancy techniques or sword-work; the second the Black Zetsu appeared, he had set everything on fire, casting Amateratsu after Amateratsu, until it felt like the whole world was burning.

 

            Now, with no more killing to do, he allowed himself a few seconds of reprieve; of enjoying his handiwork. The black flames were cathartic, cleansing the cave from the vile intent that had been residing there for centuries. Sasuke felt like his soul was purified, too. All his sins and guilt and shame, burned out by Amateratsu’s blessed fire. If Sasuke cried silent tears of relief, then only Hogoromo could bear witness to them.

 

 

           

1.

            Sasuke camped outside of the cave for seven days, letting his Amateratsu rage inside, eat at the stone of the Gedo Mazo and at the mountain itself. He waited patiently at the entrance, meditating and focusing on his charka, feeding and controlling the flames. Only when he was sure that there was no trace of Kaguya left, did he cancel the jutsu.

 

            He washed himself, hunted a rabbit and ate it, then took another day to rest by the campfire – and plan his next move.

 

 

 

2.

            “Who are you?” None descriptive, regular Ame chuunin asked, his stance tense and ready to spring to action. Sasuke wasn’t surprised, after all, he had just appeared out of nowhere in the middle of their outpost. His chakra though, did not project any Killing Intent and his own posture was shamelessly relaxed. None of that, of course, put the five chuunin even remotely at ease.

 

            “My name’s Izanagi,” he said, locating the nearest bench and then promptly making his way to it, just to plop down and stretch his legs out. The Ame shinobi eyed him warily, sensing the amount of chakra he possessed and wisely reluctant to engage in a fight, especially in the confined space of the outpost.

 

            “And what is your business here, Izanagi-san?” Another one asked, a genjutsu type, judging by how the man tried to silently slip an illusion past Sasuke; nothing impressive, a simple disorientation genjutsu, a smart choice in this situation.

 

            “I came to challenge Hanzo to a fight. If he wins he can take my Sharingan. If he loses, I want his summoning contract.”

 

 

  1.  

            “I can’t believe I lost to a pirate,” Hanzo hissed out through clenched teeth, seven hours later. “What a fucking joke.”

 

            Sasuke made a face at the moniker, praying that it not stick to him. Part of his reason to go after Hanzo of Ame, was to earn a name for himself and if it ends up being anything even closely relating to a fucking pirate he’ll snap and start setting people on fire. (Deep, deep in his hear he knows that he’s not that lucky and that Naruto, once they’re reunited in the afterlife, would never let him live that down.)


            “I’m not a pirate,” he said, feeling obligated to at least try to fix Hanzo’s mistake. It’s a shame that they’ve amassed a large audience, drawn to the swamp outside of the village by the sheer amount of chakra being expelled here. They were all listening  to them, to their dying tyrant of a leader and the random nin with Sharingan that proved to posses monstrous power.

 

            “Yeah, sure, kid,” Hanzo managed to snort, though blood came out of his nose and made him choke at the same time, “you have an eye-patch and a wooden leg, so you’re pirate all right.”

 

            Sasuke rolled his eyes, cursing his defeat in silence.

 

            “Whatever. The scroll?”      

  

            Hanzo harked out another bit of blood and stared up at Izanagi. Sasuke was standing patiently next to the dying man and at the other’s reluctance, he raised his eyebrow. They had made a deal.

 

            “Take good care of them, Pirate-san,” Hanzo finally muttered and moved his hand – the last appendage that Sasuke decided to mercifully leave him, exactly so the man will have a way to bring the contract for him before his death – and with the absolute last bit of his chakra, summoned a dog-sized, yellow-green salamander.

 

            “Shoo,” Hanzo rasped out, “give him the scroll.”

 

4.

            Sasuke had signed the contract, taken Hanzo’s head – leaving behind a corpse with only one hand for the Ame to bury – and headed out towards the Fire Country. He travelled at a moderate pace, with Shoo riding on his shoulder and constantly chattering, all the way to Konoha.

 

            A week before he reached the gates of the Village he had used to hate, a two-members ANBU team started following him around. Sasuke didn’t bother with calling them out, as their chakra didn’t scream kill at all. They were a simple patrol, Sasuke assumed, there to make sure that he wasn’t planning to attack Konoha. By the fifth day, though, his escort started to get annoyed by the leisure pace Sasuke was keeping.


            “Shoo, are you quite finished?” Sasuke asked, waiting for his new pet-summon to stop sniffing around another tree. Shoo was the youngest of Hanzo’s salamanders and not quite right in the head.


            “But the tree is buzzing, Izanagi-sama!” Shoo chirped, putting her front legs on the bark of the Hashirama Tree she was so enamoured with. It was her seventh today. At first Sasuke thought he’d be annoyed by the creature but to his own surprise, instead of frustrated at the delay, he found himself fondly amused. After all, he didn’t have anything pressing to do. His guards, though, did not share his sentiment at all. (And maybe, just maybe, Sasuke enjoyed pissing them off a little bit too much.)

 

            “It’s because it was made by the first Hokage,” he explained patiently, in the same exact wording he had used when Shoo started to hug the six other trees that they had passed on their way. “You can probably feel the nature chakra he had put into them.”

 

            “It feels so warm!” Shoo cooed and then tried to hug the tree with her small tail.


            “All right, we can rest here for a bit,” Sasuke decided, trying to supress the smirk at the indignation he felt coming off of the ANBU team. He sat under the Hashirama Tree and started to unpack his lunch.

 

 

5.

            “Izanagi-sama!”

            “Yes, Shoo?”

            “Who are these men?”

            Sasuke didn’t even bother to open his eyes. The two ANBU members loomed threateningly over him, humming with impatience.

            “ANBU.”

            “What’s an ANBU?”

            “ANBU is an elite shinobi, who works for the safety of Konoha.”

            “Ah.”

            Shoo blinked at the two shinobi that had taken to towering over them in a passive-aggressive try to make them move at a faster pace. Tough luck, though, because Sasuke was enjoying himself too much. It had taken another hour for one of the ANBU to finally break and snap:

            “Are you going to move? The sun is setting.”

            “Oh! Izanagi-sama, they can talk!”

            Sasuke opened his eye, but didn’t even glanced at the shinobi. Instead, he petted Shoo’s head and then started to unseal his sleeping bag from one of the scrolls he had on him.

            “No! Absolutely not!” The ANBU stomped his feet. “I will not spend another day watching you, you asshole. You killed Hanzo, you can fucking run at our speed, and yet! It’s been seven days, even god damn civilians move faster than you. We’re literally two hours from the gates, I’m not letting you waste another fucking day of my life!”

            Sasuke looked up from his scroll, blinked at the infuriated ANBU and then, with a shit eating grin, said:

            “Say please.”

 

  1.  

            Namikaze Minato was weird. Seeing the man alive and not as a reanimated Edo Tenseid without both of his arms put Sasuke’s mind into an overdrive. Apart from the fact that the Yellow Flash resembled Naruto so much it hurt to even look at him, the guy also seemed to be genuinely bamboozled by the three men standing in his office.


            “So, Owl decided to attack you, Izanagi-san?” Minato eventually asked, trying and falling to understand the bizarre situation. Owl didn’t let Sasuke answer, though, and instead threw his hands up and growled.


            “He told me to beg him to move faster than a civilian, Hokage-sama!”

            Bobcat promptly stepped onto the man’s foot.


            “I’m sorry, Hokage-sama, Owl will be sure to exercise his patience in the future. In the meantime, though, perhaps it’s wise to take care of our visitors?”
            Sasuke, when everyone’s eyes were on him, yawned and stretched his arms.


            “It’s late, do you mind if we deal with everything tomorrow?”


            “YOU TOOK A FOUR HOUR NAP!”


             Before Owl could throw himself at Sasuke, for the second time that day, Bobcat intercepted his teammate and shunshined out of the Hokage office. Minato took a deep, steadying breath and then gestured to the chair in front of his desk. Sasuke, as if he didn’t just provoke one of the elite shinobi of Konoha for shit and giggles, took the seat.


            “So, what brings you to our Village, Izanagi-san?” Minato asked, remaining on high alert and yet, putting in effort to sound non-threatening and welcoming. Sasuke regarded the man with narrowed eyes, but then decided to simply tell the truth. Or half of it, anyway.


            “I have a bounty to cash.”


            “Hanzo, I presume?”


            Sasuke loved how fast information travelled in Elemental Countries. Though, to be fair, he did take his sweet time to get to Konoha. The new bingo books should already have his profile in them.


            “Yes.”

            “Ah. What about your clan?”


            “What about my clan?”


            Minato’s eyebrow twitched dangerously, the man bit his lip to keep his nerves in line and Sasuke found out what a satisfaction from a life well lived felt like. He could die now, and tell Naruto that he managed to piss of his father within a single minute of a conversation.


            “You have a Sharingan that can be turned off, so you must be an Uchiha. An unaccounted for Uchiha. Were you born outside of the Village?”


            “Yes.”


            “Who are your parents, then?”


            Sasuke tilted his head to the left, debating how he should deliver the news. He mourned the sad fact that he couldn’t activate his Sharingan in front of the Yondaime without it being taken as a direct threat – he would have loved to record Namikaze’s face in that particular moment.


            “Uchiha Madara.”

 

  1.  

 

            It had taken a little bit under a month for Sasuke to be cleared by T&I. At the end, it was Madara’s head and the accounts of thee squads that were sent to the Mountains’ Graveyard to investigate, that made them all believe in Sasuke’s cover story. In that time, Shoo and Sasuke managed to infuriate half of the interrogation division which included a younger, but already scarred version of Ibiki Morino and three high-profile Yamanakas. All in all, Sasuke counted his stay at T&I as a personal a success.

 

 

 

  1.  

            “What do you mean you don’t want to join the clan?” Fugaku’s voice was only neutral because the man was putting a fair amount of effort to keep it that way. Sasuke, however, familiar with his father’s tells, knew how angered the man really was.


            At first Sasuke had thought that returning to Konoha and facing his family, alive and whole, would ruin him, but apparently Amateratsu managed to cleanse that wound, too. Right now, as he languidly stared at his father, all he could think about was that there was no way in hell, that he’d willingly subject himself to the clan rules. No. Way.


            “I’m a free spirit,” he said eventually, making Minato sigh and actually thump his head on the Hokage’s desk. Sasuke loved all his victories, no matter how small.
            Fugaku started to morph into a tomato.


            “You’re also an Uchiha, Izanagi-san, so it’s logical that you should join the clan,” Minato managed to say, though he sounded more like a desperate man, pleading for a swift death rather than a leader of a military village.


            “I can join the village,” Sasuke said, albeit hesitantly. Yet, it was enough to pique Minato’s interest. The battle, after all, was to not let the man who killed Hanzo and was apparently Madara’s direct heir, run free. “But I won’t join the clan. And I won’t run missions for you, either.”


            This time it was Minato’s turn to huff angrily and Fugaku’s to facepalm with indignation.


            “Then what exactly do you have in mind, Izanagi-san?” Minato forced out.


            “I want to open a shop and sell storage scrolls.”

 

  1.  

            “HOW MUCH?”

 

            “Two hundred eighty five thousands ryo.”  

 

            “I’m your Hokage!”

 

            “Then three hundred thousands ryo.”

 

            “Izanagi-san! It’s just a pink storage scroll!”

 

            “Sakura Blossom, very expensive paint.”

 

            “Oh my God.”

 

  1.  

            “He certainly seems to enjoy his new life,” Saukra says conversationally, from the cloud she’s perched on.

 

            “The bastard just bankrupted my father, dattebayo!”

 

            “Well, I didn’t say he’s not an asshole anymore.”