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this is not what we meant to be

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Almost every morning, Uzumaki Naruto wakes up to a woman with lavender eyes and dark hair.

You wake up to the atmosphere of wherever you’d camped out the night before.

---

You love Sakura. You really do. But not in the way that she (and the entirety of Konoha) think you love her.

You grew up with her. In the academy, in your genin teams, and later on in the period after the war. She became a friend, almost like a sister you never had.

Up until she wasn’t.

---

It happened a few months after the war. You had already set off on your journey of atonement from your actions. Everything had happened so fast. One day you were training with Orochimaru, another day you were traveling as a member of the Akatsuki with Taka.

On the last day you were fighting Naruto with an intent to kill and you left the fight with one less arm and a heap of conflicting emotions about the blue-eyed man.

Then you were off on your own, traveling the surrounding lands with no real destination in mind. Just to stay away from The Village Hidden in the Leaves. A village holding too many secrets and false prophecies for any person’s mind to carry. They could orchestrate massacres of clans and leave children to live on their own soon after they were orphaned in a violent manner and no one batted an eye.

They chose to live in ignorance, but you couldn’t do that. But Naruto chose to marry Hinata and stay in that facade of a town. It hurt. You didn’t go to the wedding. 

Seeing Naruto like that, happy and domestic with the Hyuuga girl, made you feel… empty.

Then came Haruno Sakura, full of a childhood puppy love for a man that never acknowledged her even a bit. But she was there and Naruto wasn’t.

---

You traveled together for a few days, walking through the dense forests surrounding the gates of Konoha. All you did was talk.

Talk about the war, the damages war brought, and results of war. Such results being unexpected couplings of your childhood acquaintances.

“I never expected Sai and Ino!” she said with a laugh while the to of you were surrounding a fire. “I thought Sai didn’t swing that way. And Choji and Karui!”

You laugh politely and listen intently. Sakura shifts on the log she’s using as a seat, clears her throat, and begins to speak.

“Heh… Naruto and Hinata, huh? I knew Hinata was obsessed with him but I didn’t know it was mutual. I mean, I’m happy for him of course. But why didn’t you go to the wed-”

You need to shut her up before she says something that will make you break.

So you kiss her.

It spirals from there until you’re both on the ground and you’re trying not to look her in the eye.

---

A month later she tells you.

“I… think I’m pregnant” she mumbles, staring at her feet as to not meet your eyes. 

You look at her and you’re too stunned to speak. How could this have happened? It only happened once, that’s just a mean coincidence.

She interrupts your thoughts and speaks again.

“We need to wed. The town will look down on both of us if it’s born out of wedlock. I’m keeping it and you can’t convince me otherwise. We should start off for Konoha right now.”

So you do, without speaking.

---

You arrived in the village with a pink haired woman and you leave without her. You can’t face her anymore.

(You say you’ll be there for the birth, but you doubt it. The child’s better off without you.)

---

Eight months later you get a letter from Naruto containing a picture of an infant with black hair and sharp obsidian eyes.

She named her Sarada. She looks just like you. Soon enough all of her clothes with be adorned with a white and red Uchiha crest, just like Sakura’s.

There are two more Uchihas in the world and you’ve never felt more alone.

---

Two years later, you visit.

Your child has grown to look more and more like you; like an Uchiha. 

You pity her for having to adorn the terrible surname.

All the Uchiha have ever faced was prejudice and death. Village elders killing them off and brothers killing brothers in hopes of becoming a great shinobi with even greater eyes. The Sharingan is a curse and always leads to a horrific end.

You hope for her sake that your daughter’s eyes stay black and never morph into that ugly blood red. 

---

Sakura seems to think that you owe her something because as soon as you’re alone she’s pouncing on you with an intense lust.

You give in because you’ve ruined her life enough. You pity her for still loving you.

You insist that the lights stay off and you keep your eyes squeezed closed.

The next morning you wake up to eyes that aren’t blue and hair that isn’t blond and you feel sick.

---

Every single time you see her you want to apologize for not being enough for her.

Ten years later and your daughter has become a great kunoichi. You’re proud.

Sakura says that she hopes Sarada and Naruto’s son, Boruto, become good friends someday. You tell her that Uzumaki and Uchiha should never be together. It’s dangerous. Look at what happened to Naruto and I.

What you really wanted to say is that you don’t want another Uchiha falling for an Uzumaki. You don’t want your daughter to end up like you.