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LAVENDAR GALAXY

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     The sky used to be so much closer when I was younger. Dreams were obtainable; my imaginations stretched the borders of my reality; and wonder was not scarce among the many normal things we all take for granted. Take a simple breath, for example. It silently replenishes us and reassures us. Breathing is the one thing that keeps us alive, yet we often forget to do so when our troubled lives fill us to the brim with worry.   

     Now, reaching the sky is folklore. A pipe dream that is unworthy of our effort. So, we sink further down the rabbit hole of obligation and responsibility. The destiny that was aligned for us by the stars billions of years past, is cast away for the destiny that awaits us at the bottom of Tarturus -- our own isolated hell. We reach out in vain. We cry out in vain. We fight and claw the walls we built in vain because what protects us inhibits us from our potential. The potential grows smaller and weaker everyday, as we limit ourselves with our limits. 

     Was it not Kim Namjoon who said to “know your limits, but work to overcome them each day”? We are not bound by events and superstitions outside of our control. We are not bound by the ever watchful eye of society. If we take the time to think about what really matters in life, it’s all the moments we take for granted; all the dreams that we are letting die; and everything in between. The happiness, sadness, love, and envy all are in what consists of living. Memories are one of the most valuable human resources. 

     We wake up; fulfill our societal duties; and sleep just to repeat the cycle the next day. We spend our days hoping for better days and hoping for better days and hoping for better days. We clench our fists at the rising sun and pray tomorrow will finally be that day. In this great repetition of the bane of human existence, we get so focused on all the things we don’t have.  Sandhills are not sandhills; they are mountains of dusty diamonds. Puddles are oceans. A single leaf is a bursting economy by the process of photosynthesis. 

     Some of us  are in the caterpillar stage of our lives. Some of us are in the cocoon stage. Either way we are being prepped for our butterfly stage. But some of us never make it there because we spend out time in the cocoon waiting for our butterfly stage, when we should be working on transforming ourselves. The metamorphosis begins and ends with us; the thing is we come out as an elevated version of ourselves. 

     The sky may not be as close, but we can still see it. We do not have to wait for better days, because those of us who made it made sure each day was better than the last. The destiny we seek is within us and it’s road map is guided by the journey of which our potential will guide us. You and I have the means, motivation and power to reach beyond our dreams. As long as we recognize the greatness that lies within us.

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I pointed out problems Instead of finding solutions.

I believed lies So i couldn’t face the truth and

I deceived a whole me

while trying to hide from reality.

My mind drowned in venom

I spoke calamity.

Looked for abuse as an excuse

Instead of healing bruises

Tried so many times to be suicidal that

The tree of responsibility i neglected grew my own nooses.

Accepted the blood of Jesus

But never let him in.

I thought I wasn’t worthy

Because i was drenched with sin.

I forgive trespassing souls

Many times over

But never once did I forgive my own soul

The one that needed a savior

Everything around me

Tells me to try harder

Maturity screams

But Insecurity screams louder

How do I love others

Who stick by my side,

When I don’t love myself

Because I’m willing to die

I know what the truth is

And I’m willing to bet

I was afraid of life

Because I was scared of death.

Fear is the enemy.

I will not let it be the end of me.

Fear brings catastrophe

To the lives of those who let it roam free,

Quickly rendering me

From reaching my destiny

It takes control of me

Leading me to places I don’t want to be.

I was a fool

Who thought she could run from time

I watched people face their fears,

But never faced mine.

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I. Am. Evil.

Blessed with the maleficent cunning of an ambitious woman.

 Medusa had nothing on me. 

 

If you talk to me with acid in your spit, I'll slice every bit of your tongue and feed it to the dogs you associate me with. 

 

When you come into the home of my vicinity, you bow down to me. 

 

I'll commend you for your bravery. But you lost all my respect when you opened your mouth to address me.

 

I'm in the business of making my own money. I ain't got no time to babysit a grown ass man with no dreams. 

 

I ain't got no time to think of "us" at 18 years old, when I should be focusing on "me". 

 

I ain't got no time to twist myself to your needs while looking for praises with your toxic masculinity. 

 

I am enough and beautiful with my own black wings.

 

Why, exactly, is this evil?

 

Because women who succeed are not shackled  by the chains of society. And there's nothing more nefarious than a woman who achieves.

 

The labels that once defined them lay defeated beneath their feet. The men that once denied them lay begging at her feet. 

 

So,  man who saw me walking on the street, you will approach me with caution. You only spout your opinion on my attire if I ever feel you are needed. You're a disgrace to all the women in your family when you catcall me.

 

Give me the respect I so rightfully deserve because this is my world and it's not a democracy.

 

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     The human is about 70% water. Do you ever wonder what would happen if we were 95% water. If the only thing that was protecting us from flooding the outside world was just a flimsy, rubbery skin membrane. Imagine standing in the sun and being boiled alive; or turning into a popsicle during winter time. The basic routine of life we all knew will be constantly interrupted with the possibility of our demise. We would pray that nothing ever manages to puncture our soft bellies. If we were to free all that liquid, there would be nothing else left for us….. To hide. We would be exposed to the sun to evaporate once the light touches us and become one with the snow. We would eventually all coexist in the hopefully never-ending water cycle that nature has bestowed upon us. That kind of unity in vulnerability is unachievable in the times we are in right now. 

     Ladies and gentlemen; students and teachers; parents and children; everyone look at us. Desire drives us to be better but we drive our true desires away because we want to be better in the eyes of society. Everyone is clawing and fighting to reach the top of an imaginary hill. It’s the hill that the media sells to you to bring down your self-worth and then tell you that money can buy you happiness. They shove candy in your face while showing you all the people that got cavities. How are we supposed to know what’s right or wrong if the foundation of the morals we know are being manipulated and turned into lies? Perhaps the biggest lie of all it the illusion that people ever had the ability to sell or take away happiness. The Media isn’t the true enemy. Our real enemy is creating the notion of one. There is no enemy. You are not a failure. Don’t give into what the media tells you because they profit off of your mind. However shady, business is still business. 

     The Human is about 70% thoughts. Do you ever wonder what would happen if we were 95% thoughts; If the only thing protecting us from flooding the outside world was just a flimsy, rubbery skin membrane. Imagine standing in the sun and being boiled alive; or turning into a popsicle during winter time. The basic routine of life we all knew will be constantly interrupted with the possibility of our demise. We would pray that nothing ever manages to puncture our soft bellies. If we were to free all those thoughts there would be nothing left for us to….. Hide. We would be exposed to the sun to evaporate once the light touches us and become one with all we know. We would eventually all coexist in the hopefully never-ending psyche that mother nature has bestowed upon us. That kind of unity in vulnerability is unachievable in the times we are in right now. 

     We run to forget who we truly are because we are scared of what it all means. The shadow of our dreams; the graveyard of all the things we longed for, but never had; The birthplace of chaos that is fueled by our ever growing emotional constipation. The unquenchable hunger and insatiable thirst; the place where time tick tocks upside down. The sun is below us because now we have unveiled our mask, forsaken the persona, and taken a step into the unknown shadow.  

     We jump but instead of leaping, we plunge into the sea of lies that we tell ourselves. There is no time to take a breath; there is no air here.

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From racism to sexism to xenophobia to Islamophobia to religion to discrimination and all forms of separation of human species we have lied to ourselves. The abomination of ever thinking one is superior over the other is pathetic. Why can we not coexist? Why do we need to put others down to feel like we are flying?