To be honest: Lena fucking hates hiking the Pacific Crest Trail.
It's twenty-six hundred miles of blisters and heat and frostbite, an incorrigible cocktail of bro culture and toxic masculinity and every single person giving their shit takes on Cheryl Strayed.
It's five agonizing months of what time did you wake up? or what day did you start? or are you going all the way to Canada or are you just a fucking section hiker? all so guys can measure the size of their dicks like this is all just a months-long back-breaking every-person-for themselves-competition, instead of people trying to do something refreshing with their lives and experience nature for once.
She hates it all, keeps thinking that over and over again, but—god, she also hates that she fucking loves it.
It's breathtaking and beautiful, endless laughs and stories and views and doing shit she never thought her body could do. It's great people, shit food, sunsets and roughing it. It's—yeah, it's still blisters, but it's more than that, and she knows it. It's an adventure of six lifetimes and she feels accomplished each time she knocks another mile down.
So, yeah, it has its flaws but, somehow, all the bad shit that goes along with it just seems worth it most days.
Being with Andrea makes it seem worth it most days—every morning when Lena blinks awake to Andrea huddled in her down jacket, eating a bag of chips like she's a high-strung feral cat ready to snap. Every time she catches Andrea winking at the sun with her morpho butterfly blues eyes, smiling around cracked lips at Lena like this is the best that life will ever get. Every time she… honestly, every time she looks at Andrea and she remembers you jump, I jump, and all the bad shit and trauma and familial heartbreak Andrea's helped her get through, she thinks this is it, this is all worth it because she's worth it. That's it, no other explanation needed.
The hike is really the last thing on their before real life bucket list.
It's supposed to be the final thing they conquer this year, the last glimpse of being free, their final moments of looking at the world through eyes that haven't been too far tainted yet. The only problem is that it's so long. It's hard and exhausting and requires an inordinate amount of soul-searching, and the only reason they've gotten through it, really, is that they've fallen into their own little routine.
Most days seem to go one of a few ways, including: twenty-nine hiked miles of dehydration and exhaustion, Andrea crying like a four-year-old, like she always does when she reaches a certain point of weariness. Lena separating them from the pack so The Guys don't see, shoveling sticky buns and Pabst Blue Ribbon into Andrea's system until she blinks the tears away and tells her, "We should camp right here." So they do, all alone, enjoying a moment of solitude they rarely get, cutting chunks of avocado into dehydrated chili and discussing all the shit they're going to eat once they get back, getting lazy as the sun goes down.
Then there's Andrea falling asleep on her lap like it's the easiest thing to do in the world.
Sometimes it goes like this: A much needed zero day in one town or another, Andrea taking a long outdoor shower before she gets out frowning, walking around in slow motion and doing everything inefficiently like her limbs just don't work right, cursing because her phone won't charge and the store doesn't open for another thirty minutes. Then she eats and drinks and eats and drinks until the sun is low and the town is filled with hikers camping and she can drunkenly find her way into a tent for ten minutes of, her words, "Subpar fucking," before she climbs into the tent with Lena again and wraps her arms around her waist.
Sometimes she kisses Lena a little, drunk and sad, rolling her tongue across Lena's lips like she tastes nice. Sometimes Lena kisses back, too, but mostly she just rolls her on her side and spoons her, listens to her breathe until they both fall asleep.
Lena always hates the terrible twist she gets in her gut after that one, the sting on her lips and the sad taste in her mouth when Andrea's curled in a ball on her chest and probably won't remember half the night in the morning, let alone kissing Lena. Because, as much as Lena loves Andrea, they're just best friends, and this whole thing is just the sort of dumb, rich find-yourself backpacking journey that twenty-somethings fresh from college take to blow off stress in their lives. It's not a fancy trip about love and romance and hot sex for Lena, it's that thing she does before she gets a real job, pretends to be a decent human, falls in line with society again.
It's supposed to be fun, and it would be, even more so, if Andrea weren't having the time of her life without Lena. And Lena knows she could call it quits, but she'd probably follow Andrea to the end of the world and back if she had to, and, in some ways, she feels like she has this past year. At first she was starry-eyed and blissful, back when they started their Grand World Tour down in Central and South America. But, while Lena was trying out new foods and clothes and words on her tongue, Andrea was trying out new guys along el rio Magdalena en la nueva Barranquilla. What Lena saw as just a beach—sandy, hot, and crowded with too many people—Andrea saw as a hunting ground. "We're only gonna be young once," she'd said, and Lena should have known then she was bound to get her heart stomped on.
They're just friends, though, they're just friends. It's a little hard to describe, but Lena isn't in love with Andrea, as much as she's—jealous of her, really. And it's not in a competitive sense, she only ever and will only ever want what's best for Andrea, because she cares about her that much.
It's just, fuck. It's when Lena sees a guy tuck his hand in Andrea's back pocket as they're dancing, when she sees him tip her back and kiss her long enough she stumbles when she's upright again. It's when Andrea brings him back to their shared room and she thinks that Lena's sleeping and she lets him pin her to the bed and fuck her, chanting ah, ah, ah, ah, in high-pitched moans, sucking in breaths like they're her last, gasping gibberish as the bed creaks, god. Lena just wants to be Andrea for a single second so she knows how that feels.
It's dumb, she knows. She's dumb, she knows that, too.
But, well, it's sort of whatever, she guesses.
They're on day 115 of the hike, finally in Cascade Locks, Oregon, and Lena feels so much relief to be standing still she just might cry as hard as Andrea is right now—hunched in her coat on the ground behind Lena's legs so no one can fucking see it.
It's 9am and the pizza shop in town is closed, but there's a little shop with white benches that everyone is flocking to, where the food is cheap and the portions are unnecessarily big. She's just about to suggest to Andrea that maybe they should head that way too, then this thing happens that Lena will later chalk up to serendipity, even though, until this exact moment in her life, she didn't even believe in it:
She hears a voice, happy and lilting. She hears someone walking towards them laughing too loud as they dumbly point out, "Isn't this the spot where Cheryl Strayed got the ice cream cone in the end of the book?" and she looks up to roll her eyes and groan don't get this shit started again.
But—and she's too tired to sound anything close to eloquent at this point—but when she sees the woman responsible for the offense, it makes her knees buckle even more than four months of this hike has, makes her words settle back in her throat right where they belong.
She doesn't know if it's the fact that she's dead tired, or if it's a combination of that plus the fact that she's dehydrated and starving, but when she sees this woman her heart rate picks up, excitement and anxiety thrumming through her like ice water, like she's scared. But it's a good sort of scared. It's the way she feels whenever Andrea and her first get off the plane in a new city, whenever they take on a big challenge, whenever Andrea gets that glint in her eye and Lena knows whatever happens next is going to be one hell of a ride.
Lena hasn't dated anyone to have a type, hasn't fallen in love with anyone to know what she likes, but this woman, she thinks, as she drinks in her biceps and pink lips and wind-swept blonde curls as she laughs hard enough she has to tilt her head back. Lena wants to crawl into her tent for a subpar fuck, and maybe spend the night instead of crawling back out when they're done.
"I think I'm right," the woman goes on, getting closer closer closer, then she stops in front of Lena, not even caring that her group keeps moving and asks, "I'm right, right?"
"Jesus, you're fucking right," Andrea groans, annoyed and sniffly, blinking up angrily through her tears with fire laced in her eyes. Lena can see the exact moment Andrea registers this woman too, because she softens as quick as soft serve in the Nevada desert, and says, low and slow, "I mean, like, I think so, um, it looks about right. God, m'sorry, I'm just fucking tired."
"It's okay, you're fine," the woman says, laugh in her voice like she didn't just get her head chewed off. "I used to feel that way too, especially this far in, but I've been at it for a while now, and I dunno. I think I don't even get tired anymore." She sucks in a breath like her lungs haven't collapsed on themselves, then she adds, "Sometimes my feet hurt a little bit, but my legs keep going like they have to. Kara Danvers, by the way, don't think I've met you two yet."
"How do you have this much fucking energy?" Andrea croaks, then she tilts her head and introduces, "I'm Andrea, that's Lena. We started hiking 115 days ago, yeah we suck and we're not just doing the section."
"I think you're doing great," Kara says, extending Andrea a hand. "C'mon, let's get up. You look like you could use something to eat."
"Energetic and friendly, you like a trail angel or something?"
"I think she's just not used to someone being nice," Lena cuts in, licking her lips as she looks at Kara's outstretched hand. She wants to grab it herself but it'd be weird. Andrea's also finally perking up and it looks like she's going to take it first. "We're headed towards the food, anyway, so m'not sure why she's fighting it."
"It's okay," Kara laughs. "We can be buddies then, if you're headed that way. We can eat together," she says, gripping Andrea's forearm once she reaches up, pulling her to her feet like it's nothing at all. "The old group was getting boring anyway, and I always love meeting people new to the hike. Have a nickname yet?"
"No, because it's dumb," Andrea frowns, and then she shakes away Kara's hand and grabs Lena's so she can drag her away. "We don't need to make friends, Lee. You remember that one guy, Twiggy, was our friend until he made the whole group laugh at us for needing a break."
"Yeah, he's a butthole, I agree," Kara says, bouncing alongside them. "Us girls have to stick together, though, right?"
"No," Andrea says, but Lena squeezes her hand and tilts her head, and—Andrea gets this weird misty glint in her eyes studying Lena's face. Then, a couple seconds later, she loosens her grip on Lena's hand and gives in, "Fuck, fine, sorry. We've just had enough horror stories for a lifetime."
"No, that's fair." Lena looks over just in time to catch Kara smile, so big and bright it makes her look six years younger than she probably is. "I don't want to add to that," she says, "let's get you some good stories to take home, alright?"
Lena feels her belly twist up just hearing that.
This is really where it starts.
They eat a lot, way too much, Andrea and Lena share a salmon burger and a massive amount of fries. Kara finishes off what they don't eat, and afterwards all three of them share a two-fucking-foot ice cream cone.
Then they relax a bit, nap a little, chat sleepily until the sun starts to fade, and crawl over to get pizza once nighttime hits.
At this point Lena knows that Kara's laugh is like warm rain, that she's somewhat of a professional thru-hiker and she looks just as breathtaking when she pulls her hair back and puts her glasses on. She knows that her nickname around here is Supergirl, and that any guy that tries to measure his dick against her comes out shriveled up. She knows that Kara makes her feel like she can't breathe. She knows when the hikers are all drunk and sloppy and they start to play music in the center square and Kara walks off to dance with a tall dark-haired woman, she feels jealous. She knows this trip just got a lot harder, and she doesn't know what to do about it or what to do with herself.
She knows she's fucked.
Andrea probably knows, too, considering she won't stop staring at Lena until Lena finally looks back. "You like her don't you?" she asks.
Lena shrugs. "I've never really liked anyone before."
"Does it make you nervous?"
"I haven't thought about it that much, and we don't really know her, and it looks like she has a girlfriend."
This time Andrea shrugs. "I'm sure it always looks like I have a boyfriend," she laughs. "It's cute, this could be your first trailmance." She smiles, big and bright, like every one night fuck she's had is considered romance, then shakes out her hair. "Anyway, lets think about it in the morning, I wanna dance now. C'mon."
Lena takes her hand and they dance and dance and dance, tired and calm, lethargic and happy. It's enough to make her feel at ease, feel warm, take a second and recognize the good in this moment. But she thinks about it now, eyes always darting out for Kara, watching her laugh and twirl her maybe-girlfriend, watching her bury her face against her shoulder when her eyes get too squinty like she's running out of breath.
Lena wants to make her laugh that hard, wants to be the one to dance with her and get tossed and twirled around. Lena wants to be Kara's trailmance, intense and sticky, she wants to be that girl. She wants to be the one that Kara Danvers hikes the rest of the way with, saves from falling on snow and danger, spends zero days cuddling up close with, the girl she can't pull her eyes away from.
But Lena has this tight feeling in her chest that maybe that's not going to happen, that it's an elaborate fantasy born from the fact that she's so tired, she's delusional. From the fact that her mind has been running on steam so long that she's conjuring up connections that weren't even there. She knows everything on the trail is intense, that one conversation is like seven in the real world, but she doesn't want to blow this out of proportion. So, mostly what she wants is to wake up and find out Kara's twenty miles ahead, so far gone she doesn't have to think about her anymore or worry about catching up.
Because she knows how this ends, and it won't feel good.
Of course Kara isn't gone in the morning. She's outside the tent going on a lengthy rant about slackpacking to Andrea, and Andrea's nodding like she won't be awake for another six hours but she knows she needs to be cordial. "So you think it's bad?" she asks, leaning her weight on one leg, outstretching her arms for Lena to hug into her once she sees her climbing out of the tent. "How is hike your own hike a thing, when everyone has an opinion about how everyone else hikes?"
"What are we talking about?" Lena asks, mumbled and groggy, hugging into Andrea and pressing her nose into her slightly smelly flannel.
"Kara was just being judgmental," she says, like she's chewing on a laugh.
Lena hears Kara laugh, too. "No, I was just saying—"
"Slackpacking is fine, as long as you don't do something silly like call yourself a thru-hiker in the process, amirite?"
"Okay, okay," Kara says, full-on laughing now, like she's giving up. "We'll call you Hurricane, since you wreck everything in your path, and we can call Lena, um, Marsh. I think that fits."
"Marsh?" Lena questions, not bothering to lift her face from Andrea's shirt.
"Yeah, like a marshmallow," Kara explains, "since you're cute and soft. Anyway," she claps her hands like a gunshot, and Lena's startled enough her cheeks don't bother to blush from being called cute. "Alex and I have decided we'll hike with you, so rustle Marsh awake and we'll get a move on."
"Who's Alex?" Lena drags out.
"It's her sister," Andrea says, knuckling her hand down Lena's spine. "You might've saw her last night, they were dancing."
She says it in such a subtly cheeky way, that Lena can tell she's the only one that notices it. It feels like a flame lights inside of her and she doesn't know why, but suddenly she's a thousand times more awake, even pulls her head off Andrea's shoulder and finally takes a good look at Kara. She has on a backwards cap and bright red shorts, twisting her big hands together like she's antsy, but also willing to wait. "That must be fun, doing something like this with family," she comments, because she's shit at making small talk.
"Just like doing it with your best friend," Kara says, smiling like she knows she's pretty, then she tilts her head towards the tent and Lena rolls her eyes. "If it's not packed up in fifteen, we're just gonna leave you behind. It's already 8:30, get a move on, Marsh."
"No one asked you to wait around for us," Andrea shoots back. "If you wanna leave you can go."
Kara quirks a brow like she's sure Andrea's bluffing, so Lena locks her arm with Andrea's and adds on, "Yeah, we've got caffeinated jelly beans and sour gummy worms and each other," she emphasizes. "And we're also gonna take a ten minute bathroom break and get a soda from the store. If you're not here when we get back, that's your prerogative, Kara Danvers. We control our hike, not you, thanks."
"Fine, I'll give you til 9, but only 'cause you're cute when you pretend you're not soft," Kara says, and then she walks away like that's an okay thing to say, like Lena's cheeks won't be red for at least the next hour.
The next part of the hike can go one of two ways: they can climb nine thousand feet above the gorge, or do an alternate pavement roadwalk that goes through a cute little town with restaurants and bars. Lena and Andrea immediately opt for bars, since it's the obvious best choice, but of course Kara says, "I hiked the trail last year and it was beautiful. You can get bars anywhere, but this. Come on."
Andrea frowns and Lena pouts, but Kara just smiles, so they end up hiking the trail, anyway.
The problem is that the roadwalk is fifteen miles shorter, and they're starting at 9:00am, which is actually pretty fucking late, so that means taking the trail runs the risk of turning into a night-hike, but Kara gets them pumped for the challenge--blasts Miley Cyrus' The Climb from her phone for the first fifteen minutes, until they're smiling and out of breath from trying to sing along.
The air feels heavy climbing out of the gorge, yellow and stuffy in the crowded forest. And Lena feels slow for some reason, falling several feet behind Andrea, who's keeping up a conversation with Alex. But Kara lingers with her and doesn't make her feel like a burden, just keeps pointing out things like all the different berries they see--salal, huckleberries, thimbleberries, blackberries, some currant that Kara picks and offers Lena to eat, mealy and sweet. It passes the time for a little bit, but a couple hours into the hike, Andrea and Alex are well-ahead of them, and Kara's all but exhausted talking about the scenery.
Which means there's nothing left but awkward silence or personal shit, and Lena's fingers are already twitching sitting in the former, so she opts for the latter after a couple minutes of crunching on twigs. "What do you do when you're not hiking?" she asks, looking out over the Columbia river gorge, faded like an old postcard with mountains on the horizons.
Kara shrugs her pack on her shoulders, laughing softly like she was waiting for this conversation, too. "I do nature journalism, how-to guides and whatnot, exploring cool stuff, even did some pieces for National Geographic at one point, amateur photographer, you know. Hiking usual. You?"
"Not much, yet," Lena says, wincing at the pain shooting through her heels with each step. "Graduated college almost a year ago, took some time off to explore before I start working. M'gonna take a job at the family business, probably run the tech sector."
"Crap, that's big money," Kara laughs. "Lena Luthor, then? Damn. Didn't think I'd meet a billionaire doing an actual thru-hike in the middle of nowhere Washington."
"So, I'm living up to your standards, then?" Lena asks, slowing her pace down because she's dying, but she doesn't want to slow them down even more by asking them to stop. "At least better than slackpackers?"
"I seem as bad as Twiggy, don't I?" She shakes her head. "I wasn't saying anything is wrong with it, I just, I don't know."
"You're a purist," Lena points out.
"God, it sounds like I'm a stick in the mud," Kara half laughs, half sighs, running her hand over her face. "I'm gonna make it my new mission to stop having opinions that make this any less fun for anyone else."
"Goddamn, reformed on the hike. The fresh air really does change a person."
"Only women," Kara says, laughing again, Lena's eye getting trapped in the whites of her teeth and how soft and wet her lips look, purple almost since it's cold and she's been biting them. "We're the only ones that have to think about our existence here, guys just rape and pillage the land."
"Oh my god," Lena gasps, laughing herself, then she actually fucking stops and doubles over, because jesus christ almighty her lungs are a white blaze. "A guy actually said that to me, and I'm pretty sure Andrea was gonna take his head off. We haven't really done well with strangers here."
"There are a lot of good people, just seems like you've had crap luck," Kara says. "You're tired." Lena thinks to answer it, but she realizes it's not a question. When she looks up Kara has a frown deep-set in her eyebrows, and fuck. This is probably where Lena gets dumped by her trailmance and has to cry and fumble her way through the unknown alone until she finds Andrea again. "There's a good spot about a mile and a half, two miles out. We can stop and rest there, or stop and stay there, and catch back up with Andrea and Alex at Panther Creek, told her we don't leave out of there until we're together again."
"You can just leave me," Lena says, and Kara crouches on the ground just to look her in the eyes, just to tell Lena she'd never leave her without even having to use any words.
Lena knows she can't fall for a person without even knowing them, but she thinks Kara might be the one.
It takes them another forty minutes to get to the stream Kara mentioned, but it's a clear area that looks perfect for a rest. So they sit down and eat entirely too much--dark chocolate and salt & vinegar chips, an entire pack of gummy worms. They just sit there, eating and talking every once in a while, mostly being silent and watching the light filter through the trees, and before they know it, nearly an hour and a half has passed.
Lena feels like she could maybe stay here forever, with just the nature and Kara, because she feels so relaxed in this forest--peaceful and sleepy, like she's high off a narcotic. She just wants to bundle up against the thick moss and sit long enough it can digest her.
But they should probably find Andrea and Alex.
"It'll be dark if we try," Kara points out. "We'll have to use our headlamps and be careful. Plus, we'll probably be dead-tired in the morning and have a crap time on tomorrow's hike."
Lena knows she means her, knows she's telling Lena she'll be dead-tired, but Lena would rather that, than feeling like shit for holding them up. So, she makes the executive decision, "I wanna finish the hike. We'll figure out tomorrow when we get there."
"Okay," Kara smiles, then adds, "I like a girl that likes a good challenge."
And Lena says, "I like a girl with a pretty smile," which gets Kara to tilt her head back and laugh in a different way than she's done all day, laugh in a way that makes her cheeks flush up an adorable shade of red. And, just like that, their trailmance is official.
With the imminence of a night-hike, Lena thought maybe there'd be an urgency, that Kara would push them to a fast pace and she'd keep up out of willpower and the threat of being embarrassing. But Kara moves them slow, like she's enchanted with every little thing, like she's enchanted with Lena, and her getting a chance to experience it for the first time. Lena feels like her heart is soaring, feels like she'd be willing give up her trekking poles just to hold hands, but something about that thought makes her fluttery and shaky, makes her ears heat up thinking that Kara might actually want to hold her hand, and Lena just might die if she does it.
Their pace is atrociously behind, but they finally reach the top of the last long climb in the late afternoon, and the trail tips down so it can slide them back to sea level. It's so fucking fun to go down for a change, that they actually start to race it, trotting down the switchbacks, packs bouncing, laughing like they have all the energy in the world. The light fades fast, but that just gets their adrenaline racing more. Lena can tell they both feel it, pushing their pace even faster like they need to outrun it.
The bottom of the descent is mostly yellow fields and dense humid forest, farmhouses with their porch lights blazing that Lena's both charmed and terrified of, thinking who's out here and will they catch them. So, she moves her legs as fast as she can along the trail, both her and Kara flicking on their head lamps when the light fades for good, Kara snatching her elbow every time she snags something, saving Lena's life more times than Lena wants to think about.
It takes them way longer than it should have, but they finally reach the creek at midnight (actual fucking midnight, not just hiker time), and there's no one there except Alex and Andrea, both huddled around a light like they're laughing.
Lena smiles the moment she catches them in her vision, heart pumping thick because seeing Andrea always feels like home, legs itching because all she wants to do is run over and jump in her lap and cuddle until she feels calm again, eat canned beans and gross water and swig away at one beer between the four of them. She just wants to sit and rest and sleep a small wink, and think about Kara's hands and smile and the fact that she's Supergirl, but for Lena she'd wait.
She just wants to be over there, so she can tell Andrea all about it.
Kara grabs her elbow before she can, though, pulling her by a tree and getting close. "Hey," she says, head tilting down to be with Lena's. "I just wanted to say thanks for the hike today, had so much fun, and--" she bites her lip slow, lets it drag out even slower, glistening with spit before she licks it off with her tongue, and Lena feels like a whirlpool sucks her belly right through her toes.
Kara wants to kiss Lena, she wants to--fuck. It's the same thing, same look, guys get right before they kiss Andrea, when they huddle her in a corner and smile too bright, tip her head back and lick her lips. It's the same thing Lena's been fantasizing happening to her for the last several years of her life, but, god, now that it is, she just wants to melt on the spot. It feels like she's dying, like her limbs are tingling off, like she's so fluttery she suddenly has to urgently use the restroom.
So, she looks away. She bites her lip and ducks her head down and keeps it there until Kara finishes, "--you're just really fun to hang out with, so I'm glad I was able to catch you. Anyway, let's go meet up, yeah?" she nudges Lena, and Lena finally looks up again.
And it's in Kara's eyes, right there where it was the last time, piercing and sincere.
They don't hang out too long once they finally make it over, long hike ahead of them tomorrow and whatnot. So, it's only half an hour of being lazy around the light before they shuffle into their tents to call it a night. Lena feels too jittery to sleep, though, lying on her back staring at the tent ceiling still thinking about Kara, so Andrea ends up kneeled between her legs, leaning over her, like she always does when she thinks Lena has something to spill and she wants to give her nowhere to run.
"Did you kiss her?" she asks, chewing her lip and staring at Lena's, like the skin itself will spill a secret. "I saw how she kept staring at you, she's enamored, completely. I mean, reasonably, of course, you're a babe, you know? Did you kiss her?"
Lena shakes her head. "No."
Andrea looks thoughtful for a second, then she pitches forward a bit and says, like a whisper, "You've never kissed anyone before, have you?"
Lena wants to say i've kissed you, she wants to say you stick your tongue in my mouth sometimes, when you're drunk, and I let you, but it's obvious those kisses either don't count or Andrea doesn't remember them like Lena does, because the emphasis she put on the anyone was pretty fucking stark. So, Lena just shakes her head again, and says, "No," again, swallowing down the way that actually hurts her a little bit. She tightens her legs around Andrea's waist and shifts her hips down so Andrea's thighs are pressed against the backs of hers, because Andrea's warm, and this probably doesn't mean anything, either. "I think she wanted to, but I felt like--I don't know. I got really nervous and I looked away. I don't know if, like, I'll be good at it."
"Yeah, I could see how you'd worry about that," Andrea whispers, pitching forward even more, until they're pressed flushed together and she's letting Lena hold a lot of her weight. She's hot and heavy enough it feels like Lena's belly's turning over like an engine, especially when she shrugs her hips forward like she's humping into Lena--Lena chanting doesn't mean anything over and over again in her head, because it doesn't and it shouldn't and she doesn't want it to, because that means it keeps going. Then, like Andrea's read her mind, she keeps going and she says, their mouths only a couple inches apart, "Come here, I'll show you, it's not so hard."
It probably isn't hard, not for Andrea at least, but when Lena lifts up and their mouths press together, Lena's brain whites out. She's kissed Andrea before, she'll admit it even if Andrea won't. But this is different, more purposeful than lazy, more intoxicating than sad. Andrea licks into Lena's mouth, humps between Lena's legs, bites against Lena's lips, all the while making the little noises that the guys get out of her whenever they pin her down.
It hits Lena then, head swirling as she drinks Andrea in, let's Andrea drink her in, that at least part of her jealousy wasn't just about wanting to make those sounds herself, it was also about being the one to do it for Andrea. She wants to say it's in a general sense, like she wants to make any girl make that sound, but--she doesn't know. She doesn't know and she doesn't want to think about it, because it makes her feel crazy.
So, they kiss and kiss some more, kiss too long, and then Andrea rolls from on top of her and they fall asleep without ever really discussing what the point of that was. Lena still feels like she'll evaporate if Kara Danvers ever did a fraction of that to her.
i've decided this fic is gonna be slightly longer and more confusing and probably requires more tags, but basically Lena's going through the process of figuring out her feelings and she's surrounded by tall snaccs that treat her nicely, idk.
i have one braincell and it's asleep.
all mistakes and errors and continuity issues or whatever comes up are mine.
as always, hope you enjoy x
It's dumb, but she feels so alive when she wakes up, nose smushed against Andrea's hair, stringy and salty with sweat but so fucking familiar at this point that Lena closes her eyes to it and hums.
There's a weird twist in her chest like the world is at her fingertips, and for the first time she feels confident enough to reach out and grab it, bold enough to spoon Andrea and lace their fingers together and think about the fact that she's been falling for her their whole lives.
It's probably weird she can remember the first time she saw Andrea laugh, back in fifth grade when they were awkward and not trying to be cool, when they wore pigtails and had braces and sneaked cokes from the fridge during sleepovers. She has Andrea's bright eyes and crooked smile laced through her brain like it's a core memory, so she should have known way before now. She's in love with her. Maybe.
She at least has feelings, ones she can't categorize, ones that don't quite fit the same category as the feelings she has for Kara. It's like she likes them both, but in different ways, and she doesn't know what that means.
Kara makes her palms sweat, makes her feel fluttery and too cold and on fire all at the same time. Kara makes her mouth go dry, makes her salivate, makes her feel like she's the whole, entire world because she never should have noticed Lena and yet she did. Kara makes her feel anxious and insecure and unsure because Lena's only known her a couple days and already has weird forever thoughts about her.
Andrea's like her home. She knows she's safe there, welcome, the only place she can never get hurt. Andrea only makes her heart flutter when she's wrapped around her, but she doesn't disintegrate underneath her fingertips, so she can actually enjoy being touched. She's the only person Lena's loved without getting hurt, and she doesn't know if she'll ever find that again. So, maybe Andrea's just the one.
Or, maybe she just wants her to be because it feels safe, because her feet stay on the ground with Andrea but with Kara she feels like she's been swept up in a tornado. Maybe it's too early to think about it this much.
It is, probably, so she presses her eyes closed, shuts her mind off, and tries to catch a few more minutes of sleep.
They get up on time for once, out of the tent by 6:45, groggy and rubbing the scruff from their eyes as they pack their things away.
"I dreamed about you," Andrea tells her, stuffing their tent away like her arms are too heavy for basic tasks, pausing every few seconds to blow her bangs off her forehead or pick at the scab on her chin where she had a tiny breakout. "You were suspended in this wall of water like a mermaid, and you had these really, really sharp green eyes. Your hair was so black, too, like midnight back. Like what the fuck time is it black. I don't know, you looked really pretty. I kept staring at you, mesmerized or transfixed or something. It was like I wanted to cry just looking at you."
"You're just tired," Lena says, because she doesn't know how to respond to that. "It's just the exhaustion bleeding into your subconscious."
"Probably," Andrea says, chewing at the raw skin on her lip. "Or maybe you're pretty enough it makes me wanna cry sometimes."
"You cry about everything," Lena says, then huffs, "Why are you saying these things?"
"I don't know," Andrea shrugs. "I feel weird."
About the kiss? Lena wants to ask About me?, but instead she says, "Weird about what?"
"Just weird," Andrea responds, small and soft, darting her eyes toward her hands where she's packing the tent all wrong.
Lena stays silent a beat, reaches over and helps get the tent just right so they don't mess up packing the bags. She feels a little weird, too, but she doesn't know how to put it into words. Last night was different than what they normally do, different for them, not their routine. It feels like things are messed up, like they're in this new weird and sticky territory and they don't know how to navigate it. She just wants to go back to how they used to be, so she gives them a second while they pack up, then suggests, "Maybe we're hungry."
"Yea, it's probably that," Andrea says too fast, and then looks at Lena's lips too long, and makes it too awkward again, blue eyes swimming with all the shit that isn't being said between them. God, they're normally so great at talking. "I'll grab us some snack bars."
"Last night," Lena tries to start, and then she takes a deep breath and blinks wide and bleary, hoping Andrea fills the words in where she's lost.
It takes a second, a too long moment of Lena's heart racketing in her chest, but Andrea finally says, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that."
And Lena doesn't know what that means, so she shrugs and says, "It's okay," and the conversation ends there.
The day starts off with a 9-mile climb, everyone slow and tired, sweating up the hill.
Lena spends most of it trying not to think about Andrea, trying not to think about them being a bit distant and a little weird and a lot stilted, like it somehow helps, like not thinking about the fact that the train has gone off the tracks somehow means it won't crash. As if the water below them will be any less cold, will feel less like smashing against concrete if she has her eyes closed and pretends she's not flying around the dislodged car.
She just wants them to be okay, but she's shutting down and she's burnt-out from the night hike and she's a couple feet behind everyone, watching Andrea smile and chat Kara up, watching her glow and make everyone laugh and be herself, really; the one that Lena loves but also doesn't.
"Alex showed me pics from your first hike," she's saying, and it's not even scandalous, but Lena's chest feels like it's caving in on itself. She wants to see pictures from Kara's first hike, wants to be the one that makes her blush as deeply as she is now. "You're such a dork."
"I am not," Kara laughs, still flushed, wiping her forehead with her pole strap. "I just took it very seriously, alright?"
"You were doing like, eight miles up and down a mountain, and you were dressed and packed like it was a full-on thru-hike. Alex said you kept calling it an expedition, and--"
"Ahhh," Kara yelps, flicking her eyes to Lena briefly, before cutting them back to Andrea. Lena feels like she's on fire, like she's heating up, like, god. She wishes she was as cool as Andrea, wishes she could jump in and make a joke, feel anything other than whatever dumb thing is going through her head right now. "I don't know what I did to deserve this, Hurricane, but I'd like if you stopped attacking me."
"Stop trying to make fetch happen," Andrea snorts, feet dancing up the rocks as she twists around Kara, tilting her head when she laughs. "Just give it up with the trail names, we're all friends here."
She's doing that thing she does when she's trying to impress someone new, the same way she laughed and pretended to be more social than she was when she first met Lena. The same way she acted around her fake friends in high school when she suddenly got popular. Lena hates that Andrea, the one she feels is too far away, the one she can't touch, the one that's out of her reach and her league and her comfort zone. She can't figure out why Andrea's doing that, unless she's trying to flirt with Kara, which just seems unfair at this point. They've kissed before, tongues and everything, sloppy and laced with liquor and Andrea always woke up remembering every other detail of those nights. She has to know this isn't the first time they've kissed, so she's not allowed to switch up suddenly and be weird about it.
She's not allowed to be weird when Lena needs her.
"Is she always like this?" Kara asks, turning and smiling at Lena, something friendly maybe, but all it does is make Lena want to stare at the ground and swallow down the lump in her throat. "Seriously, is this just the way she interacts with other humans?"
"Only when she wants them to think she's cooler than she actually is," Lena mumbles, except there's nothing to drown out her voice, nothing but the wind and the rocks and the grass and dirt, and no one laughs after she says it.
Andrea just turns away, and Kara opens her mouth, then closes it, and fuck.
At least they're all silent for a while.
They reach the top of the hill, but no one comments on it, and there's no one else around to shake up their group and break the weird silence. So, they press forward, Lena hoping they spot someone new around each corner, hoping she can get a reason to break away and chat with someone else, eyes scouting for bright trail runners or the unnatural color of a backpack, but there's nothing.
There's only brown path and green trees, rocks and shadows and light.
She wants to take a break but everyone looks like they're content pressing forward, like they're all doing just fine, and she doesn't know how to bring up that she's eaten all the bars in her waist-belt pockets, that she's crashing and out of water and thirsty.
So, she falls behind a bit, no one really noticing, watches as everyone gets more and more feet away as she fantasizes about lunch. There's a piped spring coming up on the map, and she decides she'll stop there no matter what. Whether or not anyone else stops with her. Andrea's been all but useless navigating this hike, so Lena's gotten really good at it. She doesn't need anyone else. She can finish this on her own.
It's probably stupid to think that, but the more she watches them fade, the more she feels like she's just. alone.
Thankfully, Kara suggests everyone take a rest once they reach the spring, Alex sighing and throwing her pack in the dirt as she collapses on the ground, Andrea finding a little space close by a doing the same.
Lena waits for Kara to take a seat next to them and sets herself up several feet away.
She's being weird she knows it, but no one really cares past long glances and slight eyebrow raises, so she figures she can get away with it because no one wants to talk about it or call her out on it. She just sits alone in the dirt, eats some potato chips and sour gummy worms, a packet of tuna and finally some water. After a little time passes she starts to feel something like euphoria, like she just wants to sit here forever and not go on with the rest of them.
She's tired--the bad sort of tired, the one that feels like a hangover and makes her want to check her phone to see if she has service to buy a one-way ticket off this hike. She doesn't, though. She just eats and looks at the trees and listens to what she can stomach of the small talk the other three are making while she tries not think about Andrea or Kara, now.
When everyone gets up to leave, Lena just--she watches. She watches without moving, watches everyone slip their packs on and pick up their poles, watches Andrea wrap her hand around Kara's wrist and whisper in her ear, and then she watches as Andrea and Alex leave and Kara walks over to her.
"I'm getting up, I just, I'm tired," Lena says, pulling her knees to her chest as Kara sets her pack and poles down, sits down cross-legged right in front of Lena like she's allowed to look this pretty after a bad night and a shit morning. "You can go on without me, I'll catch you at Blue lake or Deer lake, whichever one you stop at."
"I'm tired, too," Kara says, swiping her bangs out of her eyes, rolling up the sleeves of her blue t-shirt and staring too long at Lena's face. Lena hates the way Kara looks at her, like she's not just looking at her, she sees her. Andrea and Kara are different in a lot of ways, but in this one way, they're alike--they see Lena for what she is, not for what she isn't or what they want her to be, and they stick around anyway. They stick around because of it, even, let her exist flawed and awful and real. She doesn't even know Kara, but she knows that look, knows there aren't enough smoke and mirrors she could put up that Kara wouldn't see right through. She's sad and exhausted and broken and ruining everyone's hike, and Kara's there for it, waiting for her. "Forgot how much night-hikes take out of you, I'm beat."
"You're Supergirl, though, thought your legs just keep going."
"God. I said that, didn't I, that was me?" Kara asks, smiling around her bottom lip, eyes brighting up and smile growing until Lena ducks her head and smiles, too. "I get tired too sometimes, honest. But today I just, I want to tell you a story, because I think you need to hear it."
"About what?" Lena asks, relaxing her legs a little, like a weight's off her chest now that Andrea's gone and Kara has her talking again, and maybe the world isn't actually ending. "Is it a fairy tale?"
"Not particularly, not the good kind. It's about me, about hiking and friends, and... fights."
"Sorry," Lena says immediately, smile fading. "I didn't mean to make today weird."
"It's also not about making you apologize," Kara adds. "You can feel how you feel and that's okay. It's just what you do about those feelings, there are some things that can set you up to get hurt even more in the long run."
"You sound like my therapist, um, a therapist, I mean. I don't have one. I don't need one, just meant like, a general my, not that I possess one."
"It's okay if you have a therapist," Kara says back, several seconds of silence later. "I just wanted to talk about making bad decisions on the hike. It's hard and can get lonely depending on your choices."
"Sorry, I don't know why I got weird about that," Lena mumbles, tightening her legs to her chest again and putting her chin against her knees, trying not to think about the fact that both Kara and Andrea have the bluest eyes in the world and her eyes couldn't even pick one color. "Story?"
"Right," Kara says, smiling again, so fucking infectious. "I set that up like it's actually a story, but it's not that long, really. When Alex and I hiked the Appalachian Trail a couple years ago, we got into a big fight in a convenience store during a zero day in southern Virginia, and I got so worked up, that I just packed up and hiked on without her. I didn't see her again for ten days, and it was only by luck that we both decided to hitchhike to Trail Days in Damascus."
"Jesus," Lena mouths.
"I know, right?" Kara says back. "I felt like crap that whole time, though, and kept wishing she was still there, even slowed my pace thinking she might catch me. So, I kind of get that feeling, like wanting to be separated or pulling away, but I know it burns bright and it's short-lived, and it doesn't take much before you're wishing for a friendly face. You know?"
"Yeah, I don't really wanna be separated," Lena admits. "I just don't want to be annoying, either. I think Andrea and I are in a weird place but she hasn't even noticed it."
"How long have you liked her?"
"I don't," Lena says immediately, and Kara snorts. "Not like that, stop it. Stop laughing."
"Okay," Kara says, and keeps laughing.
So Lena bites her lip, then says, "I like you."
"That's not mutually exclusive, though," she says, then turns red like she remembers to blush only after. "I thought I was like, catching a vibe yesterday."
"Shut up," Lena laughs, shaking her head and letting her knees fall, kicking out her feet to knock against Kara's. "I don't know if I like her or if I just, I don't know. Sometimes it's like I want her all to myself, because it feels like she's all I have. But she can attract everyone, anyone she wants."
"That doesn't seem like it's healthy for either of you."
"I know," Lena says, then frowns. She doesn't even know why she's saying this to Kara, but after a year of solo travel with Andrea, it's like a breath of fresh air to talk openly about her. "I give her space, a lot of it. I - she does what she wants and I never hold her back, or judge, can we talk about something else now?"
"Sure," Kara says, reaching forward and tapping the fronts of Lena's shoes. "We can play two truths and a lie."
"Or we could just tell each other the truth."
"Alright then," Kara smiles, straightening her shoulders. "What do you want to know?"
"What did Andrea whisper to you? Before she left?"
"She said she can think of at least seven ways to kill me before we reach the next lake, so treat you correctly."
"She did not," Lena responds, feeling a smile bubble out of her, like her chest is expanding because it can't contain her heart. "She probably said I'm a dork or something, I don't know."
"She didn't, that's actually what she said," Kara assures her. "She knows things are weird, okay? You should talk to her."
"She said that, too?"
"No, but when she looks away, you look up, and when you look away, she looks up, and it's been really sad to watch for the past couple hours."
"Fine," Lena says, sucking in a long breath. She knows it's true and it's dumb to argue with it. Still, she'd rather be talking about something else right now, just. Not Andrea. "Why are you so nice?" she goes with. "Is it because you don't have any natural predators?"
"I don't think any humans do, to be fair," Kara says.
Lena rolls her eyes. "You know exactly what I mean, which is why you're dodging it."
"I don't know," Kara says, nibbling her lip like she's giving it a serious, honest thought. "I've had my share of bad luck in life and I'm definitely not perfect, but--I guess my mom used to always say that the only way to fight darkness in the world is to put out more light. So, I just try my best to do that."
"I try to live that way, too," Lena admits, tapping her feet with her nerves. She hasn't had a conversation this real or substantive with someone she's just met since... Andrea, probably. "Or rather, I - It's kind of dumb, but sometimes I think I can balance out how bad my family can be by being good, if that makes sense."
"It makes a lot of sense. There's absolutely nothing dumb about that. Admirable? Yes. Dumb? No."
Lena feels like the words land on her skin, like they're stuck to her, fluttering there warmly. It feels like there's a lot to this moment, the way Kara's eyes are wide and serious, how she slides her hands up so she's holding Lena's ankles. Lena wonders what would happen if she leaned forward and touched her back, with her shiny hair soft skin pink parted lips hanging slightly open as she stares--god.
Instead, she blurts out dumbly, "You think they'll be mad if we make them wait too long again?"
Kara straightens up immediately, pulls her hands off Lena's ankles and fishes in her pack until she pulls out her cellphone. Lena literally could have said any other thing, done any other thing, and Kara would have kept touching her, kept looking at her. But instead she brought up fucking hiking like she's ready to go.
"Blue lake is just two miles," Kara tells her. "I told them wait for us, great place to stay either way, so I don't think they'll be too upset. I sort of want you to talk to Andrea, though, if that's not too much to say. Or get the chance before it sits too long."
"It's not too much," Lena says, pulling her legs back in. "Thanks for staying with me."
Kara just smiles, and she does that thing again, with her eyes, the way she talks without talking, ducks her head so she can blink at Lena and say i like you, too, by the way.
The trek to Blue lake doesn't feel that bad, like it's different from the hike earlier somehow, like Lena's energized all over again. It helps that Kara keeps the pace manageable, that she keeps Lena talking, that she makes her feel like things are okay and the sun's still shining.
It helps that the lake is so fucking pretty when they get there--the glittering, jewel colored water catching Lena's sight in the distance, nearly taking her breath away. It's only when she gets closer that she sees Andrea out for a swim, pretty and wet, rippling through the still of the lake like it exists just for her to swim in it. Lena stares long enough that Kara nudges her shoulder in the direction, and then she nudges her back and laughs. Then she strips her pack, shoes and socks off, rolls her pants up, and rests on a bank in a chunk of sun with her feet in the water, watching Andrea float on her back as she eats oatmeal with chia seeds and tries to think of a good way to say sorry for being dumb earlier.
Of course Andrea does her one better and just says, "You look like my dream," when she swims up, pulling herself out of the lake and spraying water over Lena. "Except I'm in the water and you're not, but. Just the same."
"Sorry for being dumb," Lena says anyway, offering Andrea the last of her oatmeal. Andrea takes it, hunching over it as she swallows without chewing. It feels so dumb, like they were fighting without even talking, but Lena knows there was something weird between them. "I didn't mean to say that thing."
"No, you were right," Andrea says, muffled, oatmeal dropping on her chin. Lena reaches over and rubs it off, shakes it into the water, and Andrea smiles at her, small and pretty. "I was doing that thing, like, sometimes I feel like you don't notice me, so I make myself bigger."
"I always notice you," Lena says, scraping a line in her sweat-soaked pants, watching the water pool on Andrea's lashes as the sun bounces off of her eyes. "Just for the record. And I'm not sorry about last night. For the other record."
"Me either," Andrea says, finally chewing her oatmeal, slowly, looking Lena over. "What does that mean?"
"I think it means," Lena starts, then pauses a bit before, "Maybe it means you feel the same way about me and Kara that I do when you bring a guy home. Or go off with one, or make out with them in bars or in their tents or pressed against the back shed while I sit alone."
"Don't be," Lena says fast. "I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. I think we should stop being afraid of that."
"Okay," Andrea says, then, "I think you should kiss Kara. She likes you, and she's sweet and kind and you make her so nervous. She's good, like, those weird people you see hugging the people that hurt them in forgiveness type good. She's good for you."
"I know," Lena says. "You're good for me, too."
"I know," Andrea says. "I always try to be."
Lena smiles at that, skin prickling like there's no place she'd rather be, then she scoots over and leans into Andrea, sopping wet and all, and looks out at the mountains to actually enjoy the beautiful scenery of the day.
Eventually, she looks over where Alex is setting up her tent, catches Kara smiling at them, and lets herself enjoy how beautiful she is, too.
hi, i made it more chapters again but ONLY because this chapter would have been fucking massive. i have an okay amount of the next chapter already done, just needed to split it.
anyway, special thanks to my BETA, as always, for getting me through this one, and littlemousejelly for screaming at me kindly and letting me send way too many screenshots.
anywho, hope the two people still reading this fucking enjoy because we're in this ship together and i'm driving with no certification!!
Lena sleeps hard, more solid than she normally does, curled up against Andrea with their fingers laced together. But she still wakes up tired like it was all for nothing, like no matter what she does she can't feel refreshed.
She pulls out her phone during a quiet moment early in the morning, molasses running thick through her veins because she doesn't want to move, and she scrolls through maps and pictures and memories, thinking about how far they've come. While Andrea and her are huddled together sharing a bag of trail mix, she actually does the math: They've hiked 162 miles in the past eight days, and it feels like that shouldn't be possible, like that's an unfathomable feat, like she should have broken down ages ago and it makes her legs ache just thinking about that.
She feels exhausted, her entire body sore and worn out, scraped up, bruised and chafed in weird places. There's only 424 miles to Canada, and sure, it feels like nothing at all compared to where they started. But, at the same time it still feels like 424 fucking miles of sweat and blood and burning lungs that they still have yet to trek through. At this point, Lena's conviction to completing this hike is overlapping heavily with her all-consuming weariness of hiking itself.
She feels like she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to; she feels like she's so so so fucking over this.
She takes some time scrolling through the Halfmile app afterwards, just four miles to Deer lake, then ten miles of dry stretch. Its a total of Twenty-four miles to Trout Lake, and she doesn't want to think much farther than that. She can tell that's probably their goal, where Kara's mind is set, knows they've gotten behind the past few days and now they're up way early and all more focused than chatty.
But Lena feels it, she feels it deep, deep down: she doesn't have much left in her.
The hike starts off great, though, considering--good air, nice weather, the mosquitoes aren't particularly bothersome. They keep a good pace towards Deer lake, so they're passing it faster than Lena thought they would.
Andrea's zoned out with her iPod playing in her ears, spacey and quiet like she gets some mornings. Alex leads the pack with her jaw clenched, face hard-set like she's determined, or angry, or maybe she's just at peace. She's the only one Lena can't quite read yet.
Kara sticks by Lena's side, chatting, talking about anything that comes to her mind, right now telling her about some northbounder she met on one of her past hikes. "He told me he spent fifteen months doing absolutely nothing but surfing and chilling on the beach in Sydney."
"That sounds fun," Lena comments, not even ashamed of how tired she is anymore. Everyone is tired. They're all fucking struggling. "Sounds like heaven compared to right now, to be honest."
"He said it was hell," Kara says back. "He said he used to love surfing, used to take off work whenever he could to do it, but like. Without something to compare it to, he just stopped liking it. Like, it was fun when it wasn't work, but it wasn't anything when it was all he had."
"Makes sense, you really lose perspective when you don't have contrast."
"Yeah," Kara says, nodding, taking a careful step over a rock before she goes on. "That's how this part of the hike always feels for me, you know? You're so excited about making it to Canada at first, and then it drags on so long that by the time Canada's on the horizon it's anti-climatic. You're just thinking about what you're gonna do next, what meals you're going to have, like you spent all this time searching for something and it just... wasn't what you wanted? I don't know, but. I keep coming back, though, like every time I'm not hiking I want it again. But it's the feeling I always get, right about now--what am I dong? what happens next? what was the whole point of this?--and it feels a little stronger this time, because I met you and Andrea and I keep thinking am I going to see them again, do we like each other outside the hike, will we exchange numbers, stuff like that. Sorry for rambling."
"Is this all a fancy way of you saying you want my number?" Lena asks, smiling and endeared and thanking god she's been flushed since the hike started, because her cheeks would absolutely be giving her away otherwise. "Because I want to give it to you, if you're asking."
"Oh thank god," Kara says, bending forward dramatically like she's impossibly relieved. "If you said no, think I would've just rolled down this hill and never came back."
"Stop it," Lena laughs, shoving her. "But I get what you're saying. That's the same feeling I had this morning, like am I gonna enjoy making it more than I enjoy it being over? And the answer feels like probably not."
"That's just how it is," Kara says. "Just know that you're amazing and you should never let anyone or yourself tell you otherwise. This isn't easy to do, but you've gotten up every day and done it. And you'll finish it, and hopefully you're smart enough you won't come back."
"God, I think the only thing that'll pull me back is you giving me the wrong number," Lena says, and then she thanks god that Kara wasn't that flushed, because she gets to see the way her cheeks pink up.
"I'd never do that, trust me I'm not trying to lose you," she laughs, then stops and takes a long breath after that before she adds, "Also, there was a bigger point to that whole story, but I don't wanna ruin it just yet. I've got a surprise for us. I think you'll really like it."
"Okay," Lena smiles. "Can't wait to see what it is."
The surprise comes after they make their way up and down through the dry forest, just conifers and bear-grass until they reach the highway and see a few other hikers trying to hitchhike to Trout Lake. Instead of sticking out her thumb, though, Kara announces, "I've got us an early ride to Winn's," huge smile spread across her face. "It's time we had ourselves a proper nero, I think."
"What's Winn's?" Andrea asks, leaning heavily into Lena.
"It's a who," Alex tells them, "He has a really sweet spot near here, always throws a party for the hikers about this time. He went to college with Kara, so we always catch a ride."
Alex lifts an arm to flag a car down, Kara bounces on the balls of her feet, and Andrea raises an eyebrow at Lena, asking do you trust this? we can just keep going, with just the flat press of her mouth. But Lena trusts Kara, doesn't want to leave her, so she nods and rustles Andrea's shoulder, smiles and says, "It'll be fun, I think. That's what this year was about, you keep saying it--this is our last chance for true adventure before we have to acknowledge this is water, right? This seems adventurous."
"Yeah, I guess so," Andrea says, locking her jaw in stiff. Then, for the first time in a really long while, she gives Lena one of those smiles that doesn't reach her eyes, sticking her hands in her jacket pockets. "It'll be good, you're right, let's have some fun."
Lena feels like Andrea and her are okay, feels like things are going fine and she's glad they got to talk yesterday.
But she can't shake the funny feeling in her chest, keeps thinking on it the first ten minutes of the car ride, shoved between Kara and Andrea and too many packs with the radio blasting some sort of alt-rock Lena's never heard of: Andrea's being weird again.
Eventually it gets too much for her to contain, so she turns to Andrea, leaning close enough hopefully no one else will hear them if they talk, and says, "You haven't said much today, are we okay?"
"Yeah, of course" Andrea says instantly, dropping her hand to Lena's thigh. "I've just been giving you some space with Kara, that's all."
"Hey, you don't have to do that, I'm not asking for that."
"No, I know," Andrea says, squeezing her thigh. It's so small but it's so reassuring, like they're still them somewhere underneath this past year of confusion. "I just, I swear I'm not trying to be weird, I just think you two are good together. I know you don't really know her that much, but the way you looked at her when we first met, how you look at each other, it like, I don't know, it makes me believe in fairy tales or something. I'll always be here, like you said yesterday, so just want you to get some time to enjoy finding that with someone."
I found that with you, Lena wants to say to her. She wants to say she never believed in happy endings until Andrea showed her she could be loved without being burned, that she could trust someone, open herself up to someone, be happy with someone without constantly mistaking honey for bees, without being right most times she does it.
But she doesn't know how to say that in some grand, elegant fashion, doesn't know how to piece apart her feelings for Andrea and Kara and articulate them correctly while smashed in a car with too much hiking equipment to sit comfortably. She doesn't know how to put on a convincing face and say she'd be happy giving up Kara for Andrea, but she knows inside her heart, and has always known if she's honest with herself, that she wants Andrea to be an even larger part of her than she already is.
She wishes she had the words, the answers, the right thing to do. She wishes there was a way she could just like, have both.
Instead of saying any of the things she wants to say, she squeezes Andrea's hand on her thigh and says, "I started this hike with you, and I'm going to finish it with you. By my side. That matters the most to me. So, just, talk to me if we're not okay, okay?"
"We're okay," Andrea says, "we're okay. We'll always be okay. I love you, Lee."
"I love you, too," Lena says, thinks about saying something else, but--she can't, she can't bring herself to point out what might just be a feeling in her chest. So she decides to just rest against Andrea's shoulder until she feels herself falling asleep, hoping and hoping and hoping that they are actually okay.
Winn's house is basically a mansion, big enough that Lena has to catch her breath when she looks at it, because they're actually spending the night here. It's not even that Lena's not used to seeing them, it's the postcard of her childhood, she just wasn't expecting it.
"His family invented all these cool toys back in the day, then they invested really well," Kara tells her, but Lena doesn't really care.
She's just glad to be somewhere nice, not outside, and jesus fuck this place is spectacular--four showers, soft white carpet, plush couches, two beautiful fucking cats. There's even a kitchen made of light colored wood and brushed steel, and a deck where Winn has cherries and chips and six dips set out for everyone to eat and enjoy sitting in the long light.
Lena starts off with a long shower, going back and forth and back and forth on whether or not she should shave, then decides on just doing her legs and under her arms, not wanting to risk razor burn scratching at her thighs during what's already a shit experience.
She's probably not going to be having sex with anyone, anyway, she keeps thinking, even if this is the first time she's really wanted to.
Either way, she stretches out her shower as much as she can--45 minutes of perfect pressure and temperature, water coming from every wall, fancy conditioner in her hair that she lets sit a long time as she thinks happily about her laundry tumbling in an actual washer and sleeping in a bed.
She finds Andrea snugged in a large recliner afterwards, head tilted back with her eyes pressed closed. "There's a bunch of people downstairs hanging out, having fun," she tells Lena, "but I'm just gonna sit up here. Kara said dinner in a little bit is gonna be lasagna, marinated chicken, arugula, some ice cream and pie. You should go down, have a good time."
"I sort of just want to relax with you," Lena says. "I miss you."
Andrea blinks at her a second, two seconds, then she smiles, a real one this time, and outstretches her arms so Lena can sit in her lap.
Forty minutes later, Kara shows up with plates of food for them, stays and chats a few minutes, then heads downstairs again.
An hour after that the sunlight's long gone and they're dozing off in their chair when they start to hear the music rattling the windows. Kara comes up to check on them soon after, smiling in her backwards hat and tank-top, fresh-washed joggers hugged around her thighs. She has to tell them at least six times if they come down they'll have fun, promise them as much cold beer as they want, and physically lift Andrea off the recliner, but she finally gets them downstairs.
Their first stop is the beer cooler, tucked against one of the tables outside, a surprising amount of hikers dancing and chatting around the huge backyard, especially considering there was pretty much no one here when they first came.
Kara kneels down and pops the lid open and Lena bites her lip trying to make a decision, trying to figure out what she's looking at because she can't recognize a single thing she knows. Everything looks wholly fucking unfamiliar, which is probably why Andrea twists her mouth in a frown and asks, displeased, "Voodoo? Are these fucking cult beers or what? Who's drinking this shit?"
"No, they're just, um, I guess somewhat fancier than the crap you get at ballparks and on the trail, think Winn's just trying to give us a good time since we're like, always eating gray goop and drinking warm PBR."
"I happen to like that crap," Andrea mumbles, legs bouncing because she's antsy, because she's somewhere new and there's music and a lot of people and the possibilities are high. Lena's guessing she just wants to drink something she knows she can drown down fast and get to that spot where she feels good enough to not care, where she doesn't have to worry about insecurity or anxiety, just how many hands she can get on her body before the end of the night, god. Lena swallows that thought fast, pushing the dark feeling to the back of her head, someplace it won't poke back up just to bother her tonight. "I'm not into whatever this is."
"These are good, too, promise," Kara says. "You wanna try this one? It's a peanut butter porter, one of my favorites. It's a little chocolatey, a little fruity, um--" she stops short the second Andrea clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "Right, yeah, what if we check the house fridge, see if there's like Bud Light or Heineken or something?"
"Yeah, sounds good," Andrea says, impatient, looking over her shoulders as she folds her arms.
"I'll try the peanut butter," Lena offers, and Kara pops the cap on one and hands it to her. Lena takes one sip and spits it back in the bottle, jesus christ, tastes like chocolate where? "Um."
"Yeah, I'll just take that from you," Kara laughs. "There's probably something more your style inside."
"Can we hurry it up?" Andrea asks. "I'd like to actually get buzzed and have some fun sometime this century, like you keep promising."
"Right," Kara says and stands up, then she turns and starts her way toward the house.
Andrea follows behind her, Lena trotting to get in step and link their arms. "You doing okay?" she asks, pressing her lips to Andrea's shoulder and deciding last second not to make it a kiss. "You seem a little edgy, just wanna check in."
"Yeah, I'm just tired," Andrea lies. Lena knows she's lying, can feel it deep inside her, but she doesn't know how to call her on it and not make things even more weird. "I just want to be tipsy ten minutes ago and hanging out. Giving you and Kara some space," she nudges.
"I'd rather have you with us and happy than have space and you're not feeling okay," Lena says. "So don't feel like you have to run off, you're always welcome, you know?"
"I know," Andrea says.
Right before they get to the door, where Kara's holding it open, Lena whispers, "Is Kara bothering you?"
And Andrea lies again when she says, "Nah, I just like messing with her. She's cool."
"Okay," Lena says, and then they go inside the house.
They manage to find four Heinekens shoved in the back of the fridge, just like Kara predicted. She grabs three out, opens one for Lena, sets one on the counter, then hands one to Andrea, watching her fiddle with it a second before she clears her throat loud.
"Actually, um," Kara says, grabbing the beer back, tucking her own under her shoulder as she turns around. "I can get that cap for you."
"I could've gotten it myself," Andrea huffs.
"I know," Kara says offhandedly, hitting the cap against the counter, handing the beer back to Andrea and sliding hers from under her arm again as she says, "Me offering to help doesn't mean I think you can't do it, alright? I think you're pretty incredible, actually. Alex was telling me yesterday all this cool tech stuff you've done, and it's - I just think that's amazing. You've barely even graduated college and you're like, changing the world."
"Sure," Andrea mumbles.
"She is, actually," Lena says, doing her best to break the tension. "One of the first things she ever said to me was that she was gonna take over her dad's company, and now she's actually doing it."
"Shut up, Lee," Andrea says, soft smile stretching across her face. "If we're going to talk about how great anyone is, it should be you, not me. You're the baby genius here."
"Why not you both?" Kara asks, and Andrea looks down at her beer, as if Kara killed the mood. Kara picks up the spare Heineken and twists it in her hand, holds it up next to her porter like she's busying herself comparing them. She clears her throat, awkwardly, after too much silence passes and adds, "I just mean like, you should both pat yourselves on the back. The bulk of people that make it this far are the ones that eat-sleep-breathe hiking, so it's super impressive you guys are here first try."
"Did you make it this far your first time?" Andrea asks, looking up, setting her beer on the counter and twisting it in its own ring of condensation as the droplets pool on the bottom.
"Yeah, I finished my first long thru-hike, but it wasn't easy and I'd done a bunch of shorter stuff beforehand."
"How'd it feel when you were done?" she asks.
"Good," Kara says. "I was mostly just glad it was finally over."
"I'll definitely be glad when this is over," Andrea whispers, and Lena walks over to hug against her. "I just, fuck, I don't know. I think what keeps me going at this point is knowing I'll have stopped so close. But I'm fucking exhausted and tired and tired of talking about hiking and shit meals and miles and Canada, I just wanna go home."
"You'll get there," Kara says, reassuring. "In the mean time, we don't have to talk about hiking. We can talk about whatever you want. What's the plan when it's over?" she asks.
"We were thinking about National City," Andrea says, picking up her beer like she's finally starting to loosen up. "Obsidian and LuthorCorp have offices there we both can work from, and the weather's a hell of a lot better than Metropolis."
"No way, I live in National City, you serious?" Kara asks, setting her porter on the counter before she opens the Heineken with her palm, letting the sluice of foam that comes with the hiss of the cap popping drip over her fingers, over the neck of the bottle, spill on the floor.
When it finally calms down, she tilts her head and starts licking it up, slow and meticulous, and it's--god, Lena shouldn't be caught up in it, but she is--the pink O of Kara's mouth as she runs it up the neck of the bottle, sucks on the back of her fingers, how she keeps licking and kissing around the lip like she's trying to get every last spilled drop before she takes an actual swig of it, mouth so fucking red and wet and puffy, ugh. Lena has to turn away, has to steady herself, has to not be looking at her, so she looks up to Andrea's face, instead, hopes she can blink at her enough that she'll start back up the conversation so Lena can maybe be distracted.
But when she lifts her head, Andrea's staring too, eyes glued to Kara as she bites her lip and shifts her legs, getting that same wild look she does when she spots a guy at the beach-bar she thinks she wants to take home that night. The rare times she thinks someone's out of her league and fire dances in her eyes from challenge and excitement. Lena feels like her belly is turning on itself just watching the both of them, like there's something surprisingly pleasant spreading through her the more Andrea gets worked up, the more Kara sucks on the bottle, the longer this weird thing spreads out between the three of them, and she doesn't know why, can't fucking explain it.
She should be upset Andrea's watching Kara like that, jealous, afraid, should fear that if Kara knew Andrea wanted her, she'd just toss Lena away for the better toy, but.
She doesn't feel any of that. She mostly just feels turned on.
"Jesus," Kara finally says, shifting her beer to her other hand and sliding her damp knuckles along the side of her joggers. "Who the crap shook this up, what the heck? Anyway, we should all meet-up once we're back. That'd be awesome."
"Yeah," Andrea says before Lena can. Then she shrugs out of Lena's cuddle and points over her shoulder. "Hey, um, I just remembered that Alex wanted to show me something, so um. I'm just gonna, I gotta go look at that, so. I'll catch you later."
Then she's gone, out the door like that wasn't fucking weird.
"And then there were two," Kara says, taking a step closer to Lena like she didn't just witness that, too.
"Oh, nothing, she was just, uh, she was leaving us alone, I'm pretty sure," Kara explains, twisting her beer around, making Lena think about her lips again. "She's not coming back, so if that makes you want to run, too, with an awkward excuse, now's your chance."
Oh. That makes sense, then. Lena'll still try to check on her later, but for now, "No way," she says, "we were just realizing we'll be neighbors."
"Yeah, that's awesome, makes me way less nervous knowing I can just look you up in the Yellow Pages and stalk you now," she says, smiling dumbly, stepping carefully over where she's spilled on the floor towards the counter with the overhanging cabinets. "You excited about moving, then, or you think you'll miss being on the East Coast?"
"I'm pretty excited," Lena admits, then watches Kara open the overhead cabinet and her eyes kind of get... stuck. It's so dumb and weird, and dumb. It's not like she's never seen an unshaved underarm before, saw her own in the shower earlier, she's just. Shocked how much Kara doesn't care, how she's in a tank top in front of a girl she's said she likes just showing it off. She's shocked by how much she isn't even turned off by it, how it looks good, even, framed under Kara's flexed bicep like it's just where it belongs. She just wants to run her hand through it or something, which is fucking weird, but. God, she doesn't know why she's staring.
"Sorry," Kara announces, and Lena looks up to catch Kara staring right at her eyes as she drops her arm. "I realize girls like, shave or wax or whatever at all costs, but I dunno. When I'm on the hike I just don't think about that stuff, and it's normally only me and Alex, so it's not a big deal, like neither one of us really bother with it. It's probably gross, though, right?"
"God, no, I wasn't," Lena stumbles, feeling herself blush, spectacularly this time, not just the cute blush, but the one that spreads across her chest and pricks up on the tips of her ears, splotches across her neck like she has hives. "I wasn't judging you, honest, m'just jealous you're so comfortable. I shaved in the shower earlier like I was compelled to, like it was common courtesy or something, wish I didn't."
"You don't have to, not with me," Kara says, taking a step closer. "I mean, not if you don't want to, I'd never mind. It's also okay if you do want to, if you feel more comfy that way. Just do what works for you."
"Okay," Lena says, feeling small and breakable underneath Kara's eyes, like she has a FRAGILE sticker taped across her forehead, praying Kara reads it and treats her gently. "Really sorry for staring, again, sorry."
"It's okay," Kara laughs, then holds out her hand and Lena's pretty sure she only manages to blush harder. "Wanna head outside and enjoy some okay music, good weather, non-cult beer?" she smiles. "We can just enjoy each other, too, if you're into that."
"I'm into that," Lena nods, voice barely audible, then she takes Kara's hand and lets her lead them outside.
Her belly feels like a tumbleweed, rumbling around every which way in the wind, fluttering just from holding Kara's hand. She keeps thinking about it, worrying over it, wondering if Kara's thinking about it, too--the slackness of it, if it'd be too intimate for Lena to curl her fingers and hold her tighter, if it's okay for her to run her thumb across Kara's hand, if she can squeeze it to let Kara know how much she wants her. She's never felt so pulled-apart before, like she's dizzy, like she's hot and tingly and numb and so nervous all over a hand, as if this is more intimate than actually kissing or something.
"You having fun?" Kara asks, turning towards her, looking at her like she's the only one that matters even in a sea of people and sounds and lights, and then she just does it.
She curls her fingers, squeezes Lena's hand, and runs her thumb across the back of it like it's nothing.
Lena squeezes back, feels like she's shaking as she thumbs Kara's baby-soft skin, wondering if Kara feels the same jolts of electricity shooting through her heart, if this means as much to Kara as it feels like it means to her. "Yeah it's fun, nice to take a break."
"God, m'so nervous," Kara blurts, and Lena instantly thinks me too, just happy it's pleasantly warm out so she doesn't feel too cold or too hot, on top of really fucking nervous. "I'm not usually, like, my hands so sweaty, m'sorry. I know it's gross, I could just--"
She makes like she's pulling it away, but Lena squeezes it tighter and she freezes. "It's okay, I don't mind," she explains. "I'm nervous, too, so it's most likely fifty to seventy-five percent my sweat. If I'm honest."
"What do you have to be nervous about?" Kara asks, like she genuinely can't fathom the reason Lena's falling apart right now. "You're like, I don't know. You're like... god, I don't know," she says, looking down and shaking her head. Then she sucks a deep breath and swigs her beer before she adds, "I feel like I want to dance with you, like how you slow dance in middle school all awkward and pressed together, and both your hearts are hitting against each other because for the first time ever you have the girl you like pressed against you and you don't know what to do with that amount of hormones and adrenaline."
"Yeah?" Lena asks, airy and shaky, because she wants that too, but she wants to be cool about it.
"God, yeah," Kara breathes. "I wanna hold you so much, just want my arms around you."
"Okay," Lena says, this time not caring if Kara can sense how much she wants it. "I want to dance, too. We should. It'll probably look dumb, though, since the song is so fast. If you care about that."
"I don't think I could ever--" Kara starts, then she cuts off, nighttime stars reflecting back in the dark centers of her blue eyes. She doesn't finish that thought, though, just straightens up after a few seconds and lets Lena's hand go, takes her beer and puts both of their's on the table behind them, then she walks back with a too dumb, too big smile and an outstretched hand. "I'd be honored to look dumb with you, Lena Luthor," she says, then chews her lip a second, before she adds, "That is, if you don't mind looking dumb with me?"
"Of course I don't," Lena says, taking her hand and letting Kara pull her forward. She wraps her hands around Kara's neck, and Kara crosses her arms behind Lena's back, and then they're so close Lena's almost certain she can feel Kara's heartbeat.
Maybe it's just her own. Maybe it's just the fact that she feels like a star just fell from the sky, like some odd cosmic event had to happen to be in this position. Maybe it's that her breath is trapped in her throat, clumped and sticky because they're so close and so close and so close, that Kara could just lean in and kiss her if she wanted to, and Lena's not sure she's prepared for that.
"You smell nice," she says, not sure what else to say, not sure if outdoors and sweat and the faint smell of deodorant, maybe, could be defined as nice, but she likes it on Kara. "I mean, you know, considering."
"Thanks," Kara says, and Lena can tell she's smiling. Then she adds, like she's inside Lena's head, mouth against Lena's ear, nose pressed into her hair, "I'm not going to kiss you. Not unless you say you want me to, alright? So you don't have to be worried I'll try something."
Oh. "Um, that's - thank you," Lena says, relaxing so much she's almost embarrassed, like her body was just waiting to finally exhale. "Not that I don't want to kiss you, I do, but--"
"I know," Kara cuts her off. "Just letting you know I'll be good until you're ready."
"Then you'll be bad?"
"No, then I'll be great," Kara says, then laughs, and Lena laughs along with her, right against her shoulder, and lets her eyes close.
It's a while before she opens them again, they sway and sway and sway to at least four songs, then the moment Lena blinks into the night, she regrets it. She sees Andrea--and she doesn't regret that in itself--but she sees her snugged against some guy, leaned in, his lips pressed against her ear and she's laughing her fake laugh. It's dark and they're half-across the backyard, but Lena can tell when Andrea's not being genuine with both eyes closed, probably. So, it feels like everything inside of her is sinking.
Kara must feel it too, because she stops their swaying. "You okay?" she asks. "You're getting really tense."
"Yeah, I'm fine," Lena mumbles, but it feels like her ears are boiling, like a car wreck on the highway she can't pull her eyes from it. She's seen this a hundred times, dealt with it a hundred times, but right now it just, it feels like it's slapping against her particularly hard. She doesn't want to be happy if Andrea isn't, not when she knows she's the one that can make her that way. Not when she's seen the open, honest way she looks at Kara. She feels like she has what Andrea needs right here, and she just wants to give it to her. "Actually, m'not, I feel weird."
"About me?" Kara asks, stiffening up herself so they're both suspended awkwardly, still hugged-up but not relaxed anymore.
"A little bit, but nothing bad, just weird."
Kara takes a step back and studies Lena's face for a moment, but Lena can't hold her gaze, keeps drifting back and forth to Andrea until Kara finally follows her line of sight and sighs like it's sinking in. "Andrea? You worried about her, or... you're upset she's not with you?"
"Both," Lena admits, folding her arms across herself.
"To be fair, you're not with her."
"She's the one that left," Lena says, wincing as Andrea falls against the guy's chest, like she's a witch being splashed with holy water.
"Alright, I'll get our beers and we'll figure it out," Kara says. She comes back a few seconds later, hands Lena her bottle, takes a sip from hers, sucks a long breath, and asks, "Me or her? Not much of a choice, know I'm not a contender, but what's your gut say?"
"Um," Lena mumbles.
"Don't think about it. Just gut, first thing your head screams."
"Both," Lena says, because she hasn't been able to piece that apart the past couple days, and it gets harder each second so she doesn't know if she can at this point. "I can't - there's no winner, I - I told you I felt weird."
Kara smiles, adjusts the hat on her head. "Hate to break it to you, but you're not the first person to want a polyamorous relationship."
"Relationship is a strong word," Lena says, because the thought of it makes her heart seize up, makes her hope and wish and long in a way too dangerous for her to handle the fallout of it. "I just want us all to like each other."
"I like you, you like her--"
"Do you like her?"
Kara's entire body freezes. "Is that a trick question, like a test, or you want an honest answer?"
"Honest," Lena says, sipping her beer likes it's a liquid barrier for whatever comes out of Kara's mouth next.
Which is an extremely unhelpful, "She's very likable, yeah," followed by a slightly more helpful, "I can't say that I don't like her."
"Does it make you feel weird that I like her?"
"No," Kara laughs, dropping her head and shaking it. "I accepted pretty early that my chances here were very low, so the fact I'm even being included in the conversation is shocking for me. In a good way," she adds. "Feels like I did something right in all my flailing."
"I think you're just right," Lena says. "Andrea thinks so, too. She said you're really nice and you feel right, even though we don't know you that much. I think she likes you."
"You think so? I thought we were wafting somewhere between hostilely fond and intense hate."
"No, she does, I'm pretty sure. I can just feel it about her, and you're--" Lena pauses a moment, not sure how to put this into perspective other than just. Going with her heart. "Andrea's the reason I make two cups of coffee in the morning, you know? She's the one I call at 3am when I get a half-cooked idea, the one I look back at every time I take a step and I'm nervous. If she ever disappeared on me, my heart would just fucking stop 'cause I look at her and see us eighty years old, standing on top of the Eiffel Tower at night and her bitching about the wind in her hair."
Lena bites her lip, squints in the wind as her heart patters in her chest watching Andrea let a random guy touch her up. It feels like Andrea's always falling apart, like she's held together with glue and paper clips and a stiff wind could take her out. But she's so sturdy, always there for Lena even when it's not cool, even when Lena's in her teenage, awkward phase and wears too much eyeliner to be sat with at lunch. Andrea's always there for her at the expense of herself and it means the whole entire world to Lena.
"But I've never felt the way I do whenever I talk to you, never felt so comfortable and welcome and just, god, I feel so settled with you. You're the first thing I've ever really done outside Andrea, and I don't want to stop. I don't want you to go. I just want you both, and I'm sorry if that's weird but I don't think my head's going to make a decision between the two without being forced one way."
"Are you sure that's what you want?"
"I'm positive," Lena says.
"Then, what are we standing over here for?" Kara asks, sucking a long swig from her beer before she gets a wild look in her eyes, excited and sparkling, and then she's off. Long legs gliding across the grass before Lena can even comprehend that she's heading towards Andrea.
no she wants to shout, no, please, don't, we shouldn't do this, circling through her head, but she can't seem to form the words on her lips. She just keeps tripping after Kara, blood rushing through her ears, heart pounding, because what is she going to do?
It feels like a horror show, like a movie, like when the camera pans out to the wide angle and it's just the center-subject moving in slow motion like a train wreck. Lena watches Kara sneak behind Andrea, watches her grab her waist like a jump scare, watches as Andrea trips forward and spills her beer on the guy in front of her, watches Kara wrap her arms around Andrea's waist and pull her in like she's keeping her steady. She gets there just in time to hear Andrea shout, "You are actually a fucking id--"
"Hey, whoa, I didn't know you'd spill it," Kara interrupts her, twisting Andrea around until she's facing Lena. "It was all her idea, said you loved being surprise tickled."
"No she didn't," Andrea says, but she's visibly less mad.
"I did, actually," Lena lies, not sure where this is going, but she's trusting Kara. "I just thought it'd be funny, sorry." She turns to the guy and feels her cheeks heat up, realizing she never actually, really talks to the ones Andrea sneaks home. "Sorry about your shirt, it was really supposed to just be funny, sorry."
"There are napkins in the kitchen," Kara says, and the guy looks at Andrea, looks at Kara, sighs, and walks away. Kara turns back to Andrea. "She said you'd jump out of your skin and she was right, you'd be a hoot in a horror movie."
"No one says hoot, dork."
"I just said it, didn't I?"
"That's why you're a dork, isn't it?" Andrea frowns. "Can't believe your genius IQ made me spill my beer. I don't even want it anymore."
"If you want, I could trade you mine," Kara says, and Lena notes that Andrea's drinking one of the weird ones from the cooler now. She wonders if she likes it.
"No," Andrea responds, settling into Kara. "You basically deep-throated it earlier, don't want a bottle covered in your spit. Besides, it's probably too warm and just backwash at this point."
"Oh my god," Kara snorts, wrapping her hand over Andrea's over her beer. "I'll just get you a new one and drink both of these."
"God, just--wait," Andrea says, gripping Kara's forearm with her free hand, slides it forward until she's grabbing Kara's beer. "I'll just drink yours. You better not have a cold or something."
"If you want a new one, just say the word. I'll run and get you one, alright?" Kara says, casually letting her hand fall to Andrea's hip. "There's still the extra one in the fridge, I think."
Andrea just rolls her eyes and says, "Whatever," then focuses on Lena. "Hi, Lee, you doing okay tonight? Sorry I went off and left you with this neanderthal, hope she hasn't been too unpleasant. If you need saving just blink two times or y'know, voice it out loud."
"No, she's been great," Lena laughs, feeling nervous with both of their attention on her, now that she's got Kara holding Andrea and she's happy they're both right here with her where they belong. "She's a lot of fun, actually, keeps me smiling."
"That's good, then, babe," Andrea says, taking a long drink of Kara's beer, and then taking an awkward second to swallow and look Lena over. "Well, I don't wanna interrupt you too long, looked real cozy over there. You should like, get back to it."
Lena feels her heart sink, but thankfully Kara says, "We want to dance with you, too. That's why we're over here."
"Okay, but what'll you do the whole time?" Andrea asks, knocking her shoulder against Kara.
"Wait my turn, I guess," Kara smiles. "It's worth it."
"You can just dance with Lena now, you don't have to third wheel me into--"
"I meant wait my turn to dance with you," Kara cuts her off, squeezing her tighter against her. "You look like you can really dance, wanna see what moves you got."
"You couldn't keep up with me even if you wanted to," Andrea frowns.
Kara ducks her head, lips ghosting across the shell of Andrea's ear. Andrea shoots Lena an alarmed glance. Lena just... smiles, really, she feels ecstatic. "I never said I could, but I'd still like to try," Kara finally says. "Keep thinking how good it'd be."
"What's going on here?" Andrea asks, confusion etching itself across her face.
"We wanted to talk to you about some stuff," Kara starts, shooting Lena a half-smile. Lena smiles back, and Kara says, "It's just, I think you're really pretty and Lena does, too, and um, we're probably a better time than that guy with the beer on his shirt. So hang out with us?"
"I'm okay, Lee, really," Andrea says, more serious this time, eyes dark and sincere. "I know you worry about me, but I can handle myself, alright? I just want you to enjoy this big dummy while you can, so will you? I'll be fine, promise."
"I am enjoying this big dummy," Lena assures her, and Kara pulls a mock offended face. "I'd just like it if like, I don't know, if you enjoyed her, too. I'd like it if you enjoyed me, as well. If that's--if you want that, then we want that, is what we're saying, right?"
"Right," Kara nods.
"Enjoy you in what way?" Andrea says slowly, like this is all a huge funny and the punchline's going to flow at any second. "I'm not sure I understand what you're saying."
"Enjoy us like dancing with us," Kara says, wiggling behind her, dumbly.
"Enjoy us like, kissing us," Lena adds slowly, chewing her lip when she sees Andrea's chest rise on a sharp inhale.
"Kissing us?" Kara says curiously. "Does that mean me too?"
"Of course it does," Lena smiles. "I told you I wanted to, just. In a bit, okay?"
"Okay," Kara says, grinning.
"Anyway," Lena says. "I was just thinking, and--" god she doesn't know if it's the way Kara's eyes are shining or the way Andrea's looking at her, or the half-a-beer she's had or everyone laughing around them, but she says, "I think I've just been content with being yours for so long that I forgot to ever ask you if you want to be mine. But I am yours, I swear, you don't have to sit on the side or give me away, you can be right here, you can have me, have us, so. Um. I'm asking--well, I guess we're asking--if you want to, like, be with us? And not as just friends. As something more, maybe, whatever more you want it to be."
"Oh," Andrea huffs out, like it's finally setting in, like she gets it, knows it's real, like she's scared and shocked and confused and terrified all at once. "This is a joke, right? You wouldn't, you're not--god, I don't know what you want me to say to this," Andrea says, like she's stiffing up, like her response to this is to act as if it's an attack. "Why won't you just, go be happy?"
"That's what I'm trying to do," Lena says, wishing Kara was holding her hand right now, but also happy she's holding Andrea down. She's so fucking scared Andrea's just going to run away it feels like she can't breathe. "I'm trying to be happy. I can't do that without you."
"You're just scared," Andrea's says, but she's the one that's scared. Lena can see it, right there in her eyes. "You've just never gone off on your own before and you think you'll get hurt, but. I think you're okay. I think you're fine."
"I can go," Kara says.
"Don't," Andrea says fast. "She needs you, she needs to - you should stay, I'll go."
"No," Lena says, as firm as she knows how. "I used to think that, too. But it's not just that. I don't only like you because other things are scary, I like you because you're better than other things."
"Better than Kara?"
"Different from Kara."
"In what ways? Worse ways?"
"No, I never think who's better when I compare you, just why you're both great, and. I don't know, I see the way you look at her," Lena says, not sure why that came out, but she has seen it--when they first met, when they talked about slackpacking, on the hike when she was teasing Kara and giggling, in the house. Lena's been seeing Andrea light up just talking to Kara all along. "I know you like her, too."
"Who cares who I like?" Andrea shrugs, juts her chin out, grits her teeth full-defense now. "This isn't my happy ending, it's yours. So, whatever. Just fucking take it already. Why is this so hard for you? I'll go find mine somewhere else."
"I really can just go," Kara says.
"Don't," Andrea snaps. "You wanted this, right? Us? Well, this is what we are, so--"
"Don't take it out on her," Lena cuts her off. "Don't take it out on either one of us. We like you, both of us. If you don't feel the same, just say so and we'll drop it. This doesn't have to be a fight. I don't want it to be a fight. I love you. You know how much I love you, so whatever bad thing you're thinking, just stop that. You jump, I jump, okay? Always. Always, even if you say no."
"Lena," Andrea pleads, eyes softening like she's defeated, then it takes her a few seconds before she nods and finally says back, "You jump, I jump. Always."
Then there's just silence between them, both obviously feeling too much to know what to do with it, too edgy to know how to go from this to whatever the next step is. Just when Lena feels like her soul is dying, Kara clears her throat and asks, "If you're both jumping it's only fair that you like, have me there to catch you, right?" Lena looks up, and Kara's so pretty and her eyes are so blue and she's just, so fucking her, that Lena can't help the smile suddenly tugging her mouth open.
Andrea rolls her eyes, letting her head fall back against Kara's shoulder, and Kara presses on. "I mean, otherwise you'd both just fall down, or get hurt or--" she pauses with her mouth slightly open. "Actually, is that from the Titanic? It sounds so familiar. If it is, then why are either of you jumping off? I don't get it. You're both rich women, right? So, you'd both be in the life boats. You do not have the same problem Jack and Rose had. I think you need me here because it's obvious you're absolutely reckless for no good reason without me."
"Oh my god, shut up," Andrea says, and then the tension is thick for three whole seconds before she starts... laughing. "Jesus. Fuck," she says, exhausted and strained, running her hand over her face. "You're so dumb and annoying, but I like you so much and I don't know why."
"She's hard not to like," Lena says, smiling back even though her heart is beating out of her shoulder blade from Andrea nearly punching it out. "She's so cute, too."
"Don't even get me started on that, like... fuck. Anyway," Andrea sighs, chest relaxing, more and more and more, like she's floating towards okay again, breathing in and out in and out for a good fifteen seconds before she finally says, "I've been yours from the start, honest. I enjoy you so much, you know that. All you ever have to do is ask and I'm there. I'd drop anyone for you, but--"
"Well, I'm asking," Lena says, sudden burst of confidence with Kara in her corner. "We're asking, actually, right?"
"Right," Kara nods again.
"Seriously?" Andrea asks. "Both of you? Are you - you can just have - seriously?"
"Seriously," Kara echoes.
"Seriously," Lena adds.
"Okay, well, fuck. Okay. I just, I wasn't expecting this, sorry," Andrea says, rubbing her palm on her jeans, over her face, biting her lip, then she tilts her head back and groans, "God, everything inside of me is saying I'll regret this, but fine, I'll dance with you Kara, as long as you don't step on me with your dumb feet, and you keep your stupid, big hands to yourself unless I say otherwise."
"Will keep them to myself," Kara says, smiling too big and draping herself over Andrea even more. "I promise."
"This is so dumb," Andrea says, laughing nervously and shaking her head, then she catches Lena's eye, the yellow circles around her pupils making her eye's light up green in the moonlight, and mouths, i can't believe we're doing this.
Lena can't believe it either, but she's happy they are, happy it's happening, happy they're doing it; she's happy they both want to. So she mouths back i'm so happy, and Kara says, "I know, right? Me too."
Lena normally hates watching someone else dance with Andrea, hates the way they look at her and grind their crotch against her, lick their lips and stare like she's just something for them to take and not an actual person. She hates how they grope her in that way that says if you make a fuss about it, you're the bitch and i was just being chill, hates how they nod at their friends and wink their eyes and mouth drunk hoes love me when Andrea presses her face into their shirt. She hates when they bring her home and Lena sits outside the door listening to them say yeah, you like it like that, wondering if Andrea really does or if she should knock the door down and scream that she doesn't.
She just wants her to be safe, to be happy, and it feels like with Kara she is. With Kara she's throwing her head back and laughing so hard only air comes out, she's reaching back and grabbing Kara's hips, trying her best to line them up so they slide together instead of knocking against each other, letting her hair fall over her face as she grinds back, breathing like she's into it.
Basically, with Kara, Lena knows Andrea's safe and laughing and happy and that she does like it like that, and that's all she's ever wanted.
So she can't help smiling as she watches them twist together, as she watches them both get more and more red with their giggling, watches them do something more like wrestling than dancing.
"What if I just stood still and let you look good enough for the both of us?" Kara asks, stopping her shit attempt at rolling her hips so she can grab Andrea's waist and hold her there.
"Is that how you get your girls?" Andrea asks, tilting her head back, circling her ass slow against Kara. "You say you do all the work and i'll just look good and it works, doesn't it? I bet they're always falling all over you."
"No, I think I'm the one always falling over pretty girls," Kara says, like she actually means it. "As you can probably see. Pretty sure I'm the clumsier one between the two of us."
Andrea's smile jumps out of her. "God, you're such a dork, you know that?"
"You might've pointed it out once or twice."
"Don't be dramatic," Andrea says, rolling her hips one last time before dislodging from Kara. "Lena can show you how it's done, she actually knows how to treat a lady."
She sways her hips as she walks the few steps to Lena, and Lena knows exactly what she wants, they've done it a hundred times before. She grabs onto Andrea's hips when Andrea turns around, presses them close together, Andrea's back hot and damp against her front, and she sways, rocks her hips and twists them to the beat as Kara watches.
To be honest: she hates this, too.
She remembers the way her heartbeat thundered through her ears in ninth grade when Andrea had them practice in the mirror in her bedroom before their first dance. She remembers the way her belly knotted up when Andrea said you gotta hold me closer or really get into it, circle your hips, pull me back more, it's okay if you control it, Lee. She remembers how she wanted to hold Andrea all night, not even go to the dance, just the two of them in Andrea's room dancing to Usher and giggling whenever they got it just right. She remembers the way she felt the first time they did it with guys watching and how it morphed into something new, how it made her belly twist up in a different way, how she wanted to throw up afterwards, blood burning like fire ants had crawled underneath her skin.
She's used to it now, though, numbed to it, used to hungry eyes watching and shrugging off whatever it is they're thinking about her and Andrea. They're never looking at her, anyway, not the girl in the back, the one that's too fumbly and too shy, the one that's obviously not putting out. She's always getting dragged along and not talked to, not even by Andrea some days. No one chats her up, not really, and it starts to eat at her sometimes, sitting bitter in her stomach like she's the unwanted faerie at the christening. But she's used to that, too, now. She's not used to... whatever it is that Kara's doing. She's not used to someone looking awed by them, awed by Lena, not used to someone's eyes lighting up so much watching her that she feels confident and flirty, not dirty. She's not used to Kara.
"How do you do that?" Kara asks, incredulous and laughing and genuinely curious, circling her hips like a stiff dad at a barbecue, like Regina George in her back-brace, beer sloshing out of her bottle over her hand. "Seriously, Lena, your hips are like, god, they're incredible. I feel like I'm mesmerized, like you're hypnotizing me. Mine don't turn like that, don't think m'built that way."
"It's easy," Lena says, cheeks hurting from the force of her smile. God, she really doesn't feel dirty when Kara looks at her, just like--fuck, she actually wants to put on a show, to show off for her. So she circles her hips as best she can, pulling Andrea back against her, watches the flush creep up Kara's cheeks as she bites into her bottom lip. "It's intuitive, you just gotta feel it."
"Like this then, yeah?" Kara asks, actually doing something that looks semi-decent, rolling her hips in time to the beat in a way that makes coils of heat strip through Lena's insides, makes her gasp out against Andrea's ear, heart rate picking up watching Kara get better and better the more she does it. "Think m'getting the hang of it," she says.
Lena wants to say something embarrassing like yeah or fuck or yeah yes yeah fuck me, but instead-- "Jesus, fuck, you look like you're trying to guard LeBron," Andrea finally snorts, and it's sort of perfect for Lena's tension.
Kara doubles over laughing and Lena drops her head against Andrea's hair, body shaking against her as she giggles.
"Was gonna say the same thing," she joins in. "Defensive MVP of the year right here."
"Is that it, then? Defense? It's all in the pelvis, yeah?" Kara asks, stomping forward and stumbling, nearly taking Andrea and Lena out with her as she trips down. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry," she says, grabbing both of them and pulling them close, rocking them up until they're steady again. "Your dancing is a work of art, honestly, don't mean to interrupt, but while we're here maybe we can choose a new one we're all good at."
"Like what?" Andrea asks, pushing off of Kara and pulling Lena with her, hugging her into her arms. "Let's see what moves Kara Danvers has."
"I don't really have moves," Kara laughs. "Was mostly thinking we could stand in a circle and jump a bit, throw our hands in the air like everyone else," she says, lifting her arm high for emphasis.
Andrea rushes her the second she does, crashing into her and looping an arm around her waist, pressing her beer against Kara's back as she lifts a hand to pull at the hair under her arm. "Holy shit, Sasquatch," she giggles.
"Yeah, I, sorry, the hike is just so long," Kara starts, letting her forearm tip behind her head, elbow in the air as her bicep puffs up and she flushes like Andrea's finally flustered her.
But Andrea leans up and kisses her cheek, lets her fingers trail down Kara's torso until she's tucking them into the waistband of her joggers, pulling at it so she can let the fabric snap against Kara's hip. Then she steps back and says, "No, it's cute. You can be cute sometimes, I guess."
Kara visibly short circuits, wraps her arms around herself and blushes so deep and Lena just... really, really likes her.
They dance until someone starts a fire up in the pit, and then everyone starts to transition to sitting around it, lazing on the ground, drinking beer and roasting marshmallows.
Lena finds a spot close enough the heat feels nice and not too warm. Andrea cuddles up next to her, and Kara sits on the other side, taking her hat off and placing it on Lena's head as she shakes out her hair.
It's a mess of sweat and curls that she cards her fingers through until she's got it pressed back neat enough to put in a ponytail. Then she turns to Lena, loose strands sweated to her forehead and neck, and asks, "Is it good?"
"Yeah," Lena says, ducking her head.
Andrea giggles next to her, presses her damp lips to Lena's ear and says, low enough only Lena hears it, "Tell her she missed some strands and fix them for her." Lena turns to protest, quietly, but Andrea kisses her before she can say no, whispers against her lips, "Just do it."
So Lena turns and says, "You missed some strands," before she can talk herself out of it. "I can get them for you, just, um." Andrea lifts off of her and she scoots over, hoping the way her hand is shaking is hidden in the darkness as she pushes a few strands behind Kara's ears. "There, um, now it's perfect."
"Thanks," Kara says, voice just as airy and shaky as Lena feels. Andrea nudges her side like she does when she's saying i told you so. "So, um," Kara starts, dropping her hand to Lena's knee, Andrea scooting over to hug around her again. "I'm usually pretty modest, I think, but I will say that I am unequivocally the best marshmallow roaster... in this backyard."
Andrea snorts. "I was ready to give you shit, but that was maybe accurate."
Kara laughs, tilting her head behind Lena to look at Andrea. "Gotta stay in my place when I'm with you, since I know you're not afraid to put me there," she says. "But seriously, it's one of my special interests, so if you want s'mores I got you."
"What makes a perfect roast?" Lena asks. "Don't you just stick it in the fire until it's burnt?"
"No," Kara says, eyes glowing, sitting up straighter. Truly, Lena just wants her to look good for once in front of Andrea, so she hopes she says something even remotely fascinating. "You actually don't want it in the flame, want it above it. You wanna do it slow and keep it rotating like a rotisserie chicken. Because of it's composition, the key is getting a good toast on the outside, while also getting the inside gooey, so a good roast is maybe four to five minutes long, but--" she shakes her head laughing, "please don't just put it in the fire."
"Well get to it, then," Andrea shouts, "Put your marshmallows where my mouth is."
"Oh my god," Kara gasps, then she playfully cuts her eyes at Lena before she climbs off of the ground.
She wasn't lying, they find out. Not that it should be shocking, but it's actually the best s'more that Lena's ever tasted. It's so good that Andrea basically inhales hers, chocolate coating the edge of her mouth, her lips, her chin, as she tries to wipe it on the back of her hand.
"I want another," she frowns, watching on as Kara walks around, as she roasts marshmallows for everyone else holding out their sticks and looks positively delighted with herself. "You think she'll ever come back?"
"You're cute enough," Lena says, taking another small bite of her own, trying not to draw attention to it even though she knows it's futile.
"I want some of yours," Andrea decides, leaning over and making a grab for it. "Sharing is caring, right?"
"No, get your own," Lena giggles, huddling over her s'more to protect it, like it's her most prized possession. "Just scoot over there, sit in your own space."
Andrea ignores the suggestion, scoots in closer instead and drapes her arms around Lena's neck, nuzzling her warm face into it where she doesn't seem to care that Lena's a little sweaty and probably smells at this point. "Sucks that my new girlfriend doesn't want to share," she says then, pressing a soft kiss to Lena's pulse, breath huffing out, sweet and hot. Lena's belly drops at the way she says girlfriend. It's like she's crossed into an alternate reality where she asked for the impossible and it worked. "Just want a little bite."
Lena lifts her hand to rub Andrea's forearm, lets her s'more sit in her fingers sticky and ignored, gets lost in how it feels to have Andrea's lips on her in front of all these people. For the first time, it's not in a way they're making a show, trying to draw attention to themselves; it's soft and genuine, and Lena can't help preening because she feels like she's being claimed. She can't fucking breathe. "You can have the rest if you want it, was only joking about saying no."
"It's alright," Andrea mumbles, kissing against Lena's jaw, her neck again, licking out against her skin. Lena wonders, briefly, if she turned her head would Andrea kiss her mouth. Then she stops thinking about it, just turns, and Andrea does. She leans up and kisses Lena right on lips, mouth sweet and half-open, tasting like heaven, like a dream come true. "You can keep eating it if you want," she says into her mouth, and Lena tries her best not to just squish it in her hand when Andrea kisses her again.
It's so good, Lena doesn't even know where to start.
Andrea kisses with her tongue first, but it's so soft and so slow, that it doesn't feel intrusive at all. Lena lets her mouth fall open, lets Andrea taste her, lets her head swirl thinking about how wet this is, how dumb her breath sounds, how Andrea's exploring her mouth and lips and teeth like she's trying to commit them to touch memory. Lena keeps aching for more as time slows down or stops or speeds up or fades away. She doesn't know. She knows this is better than kissing in the tent in secret, than letting Andrea pretend she doesn't remember like it doesn't line her bones with lead when she feels like she's the only one that knows.
"You're breathing so fast," Andrea says, tangling her fingers in the hairs at the back of Lena's neck, under the bill of Kara's hat.
"Yeah, well, you're really good at this," Lena tells her.
"I've had a little practice," Andrea smiles against her mouth, kissing her again, and again and again. "But I wanna relearn everything with just you. Kara, too, fuck. Have you seen her mouth? It's unreasonable. Is that okay to say to you?"
"Please," Lena blushes, flushing even more when she realizes she just begged instead of answering the question. "I mean it's okay, of course it's okay. I want you to like her."
"You're fucking incredible, you know that?" Andrea says, like it's - like she's just saying it, not even for an answer. "Jesus, I'm not sure what the hell I'm supposed to do with you, but I'm twisting up inside thinking of all the shit I wanna try."
"Andy," Lena whispers, and this time she is begging.
"You're the only one that still calls me that, and it's so goddamn cute, fuck."
"Hey," someone--probably Kara, yes, it's Kara--says, kneeling down in front of them. "Don't know why, but roasting those marshmallows has me beat, think I'm gonna head in, relax inside, call it a night."
"You sure?" Lena asks, turning towards her, feeling frantic at the thought of Kara leaving. "You can nap on my lap, I'll wake you when everyone's leaving, promise."
"It's okay," Kara shrugs, pausing too long, looking at Lena too long, at Andrea, then smiling big and affectionate. "I want to get another round in the big shower, make sure I'm rested to drag you along on the hike, tomorrow. You two stay, though, please. I want you to feel refreshed tomorrow, want you to feel like it's all worth it again because it is, I promise."
"You sure?" Lena asks again.
Kara nudges her knee. "It's fine, you're fine, I'll see you in the morning, okay?"
Then she stands up and she's gone.
There's a second where Lena feels panic again, like it's all crashing around her, but Andrea drops her head against her shoulder and groans, "Oh my god, please go kiss her. She's dumb but she doesn't deserve to be tortured like this."
"I wasn't. I'm not. I don't want to torture her," Lena scrambles out. "Really, m'just nervous."
"You'll be fine, she'll be fine, just do it," Andrea encourages, grabbing Kara's hat from Lena's head and placing it on her own. "It'll be great, I promise, her lips are like, stupid big and probably super soft."
"I don't know, what if I mess up, or I don't know, really, but so many things could go wrong." She wipes her free hand on her pants, so sweaty and clammy because this is real and happening and real. "I want to, but my chest hurts whenever, fuck, what if I kiss bad?"
"You're a great kisser, I swear, but you don't even have to be. She likes you that much."
"God, could you at least go and kiss her so I can, finally," Andrea sighs, "because m'not doing it before you do but I really fucking want to. So go in there and get this awkward phase over with for us, yeah? Don't tell her I said that, either, her head's already too big."
"You really think I'll be okay?" Lena asks.
"Have I ever not let you be okay?" Andrea says, and Lena hates that she's right.
She feels like she's falling apart as she walks to the house, like she's Ariel and she's just gotten her new human legs, wobbly and shaky and her brain whiting out. She's so out of it, she doesn't even know where she is once she's inside.
She keeps turning down the wrong hallways and spinning in circles, walking and walking and blanking out with nerves until she hears someone say, "Hey there, you lost or something?"
Then she looks up from her feet, finally, where she's been uselessly zoning, trying to drown out the sound of her own heart in her ears, and... it's Kara, fuck, it's Kara, pretty and toned and pretty, back leaned against the wall outside her room door.
God, she's actually doing this.
She feels like she's melting, like she's a popsicle on an Arizona sidewalk.
"I was a little bit, actually," she starts. "This house is huge. But I found you, so... now I'm not," she finishes quietly, because ugh, that sounded so bad. She should have just stayed downstairs, she's dumb at this.
"Well, you can always call me if you get lost, promise I'll find you," Kara says, reaching out her hand, smiling, and Lena doesn't feel so dumb anymore. She walks over and takes it, lets Kara pull her in. "You here to tell me three's a crowd?" she asks, sliding her hands on Lena's waist. "You didn't have to come all the way here, I left to give you an out."
"No, I - that's not why," Lena shakes her head, heart crinkling with the way Kara's face is settling into some sort of resignation. It gives her just enough motivation to lean up on her toes, press into Kara, squeeze her eyes shut, and. Freeze. Right in front of Kara's mouth. It's just a second, half a second maybe, her heart galloping in her chest, head going wild and crazy with every thought of what if what if what if, but then she shuts it off and she just--she kisses her. It's short and soft and chapped and she pulls away fast, hands shaking so fucking hard that she has to tangle them in Kara's shirt, but she did it. "I came here to do that," she says, out of breath, setting her feet on the ground again. "Didn't want you to get away without it."
She doesn't know what to do next, feels like she can't even look Kara in the eyes, but Kara gets her hand tangled in Lena's hair. And then her head's being tilted back, and Kara's just... staring at her, pupils expanding like Lena's being anything even remotely close to sexy. "Are you sure?" she asks. "You sure m'not intruding or anything?"
"I'm sure. You're not," Lena says, swallowing hard because there's something about how firm Kara's gripping her hair that's radiating intense between her legs. "Andrea wants to kiss you, too, honest. I just - she said I had to do it first so we can get through like, whatever this awkward phase is. I've just been so nervous, though, because what if m'not good or not good enough or I mess things up?"
"Jesus," Kara whispers, flexing her grip in Lena's hair, scratching at her scalp, a moment of tension thrumming between the two of them before Kara leans in and kisses Lena again. She presses their lips together once, then twice, the third she lingers longer, making it slick, so hot and so wet, the fourth time she goes for it and just licks Lena's lips, and. It's all so much; Lena feels like she can't stand, like she's evaporating, like Kara wants her to open her mouth but if she does she just might blow away in a cloud of smoke and stop existing.
So she keeps her mouth closed and lets Kara kiss her and kiss her and kiss every inch of her lips, until she's satisfied and starts trailing kisses along Lena's cheek over her ear, pulling her head into a hug. "I've wanted to kiss you since, just, way too early into us first meeting, so you can't mess this up, not in any way I can think of, at least."
"Good to know," Lena says, breathing too hard, feeling herself flush, pulling back just so she can see Kara again.
Kara smiles at her, wide and pretty and glowing. Her lips really are fucking amazing, shimmering now with her spit. Her teeth are so goddamn white. "My heart's beating so fast right now," she tells Lena. "It's like I can't get enough of you."
"Mine too, me too," Lena says, hugging Kara again, pressing herself in, smelling the woods and sweat and smoke of Kara's neck, wishing so much that she'd opened her mouth and tasted her even just a little bit, god. she likes you that much, Lena keeps replaying in her head, over and over again until she thinks fuck it, leans back, catches Kara's eyes, presses up, and kisses her again.
This time her lips are slightly spread as she goes in, her breath in her throat, heart somewhere in Kara's hands probably, brain fizzing out as Kara licks right into her mouth, slick and warm and slippery, fuck. Kara's breath is so hot and she's gasping desperately, mouth softer and wetter than Lena could've imagined, beer and chocolate and marshmallows still burning on her tongue. Lena feels like she's shivering, panting unattractively against Kara's lips, like she's two seconds from drowning but still realizes she just might die if Kara stops.
So she keeps pressing in, throwing herself at Kara, opening herself to Kara, begging with her mouth because she thinks she needs to be clingy about it to make her stay. It works, she thinks: Kara flips her around, pushes her against the wall, hands in her hair, palming over her bra, leg squeezing between Lena's thighs and pressing up until Lena's grinding against her and dizzy. She keeps kissing Lena, licking out her mouth, sucking her in like Lena's saliva is as vital as the air she's breathing. Lena keeps thinking, selfishly, that she can never let Kara go, that she has to keep her here, somehow, with her and Andrea and never, ever let her kiss any other girls like this. Because this, this feels like confession, like absolution, like Kara's fixing everything that's ever been wrong with her with just her mouth. This feels like Lena's being torn apart and put back together as only her best pieces, and jesus fuck she just wants this feeling reserved for her and Andrea and absolutely no one else.
"God, m'so sorry," Kara breathes, dragging her mouth down Lena's jaw, her neck, up behind her ear. "Just got carried away, didn't mean to like, crap. I know you're nervous and I don't wanna push you, not sure what came over me."
"It's fine, great, it's fine," Lena says, not sure if she's still a person or just a puddle on the floor. "Don't apologize, I - um, to be honest I kind of want to run to Andrea and push my face in her shirt since it was so good I feel, like, vulnerable I don't know."
"You're killing me," Kara laughs, pressing heavy against Lena, smushing her into the wall. "You can't be this cute, seriously you can't."
"Sorry, I just get nervous," Lena says, pressing her face so far into Kara's shirt she hopes Kara never sees her again. "It was good, though, so good. I can't like, look at you right now, I feel like you'd see through me or something."
"You wanna get Andrea?"
"Okay, okay. Why don't you grab her, and," she stretches out, like she's thinking, "tell her we can hang out in my room, if she wants. Maybe watch some Netflix. That sound cool?"
"Yeah," Lena says, "that sounds cool."
"Okay," Kara says. "Go get her then, I'll just be here."
"Cool, be right back, then," Lena says, takes a breath, blushes too hot when Kara backs away from her, and then tries her best not to trip down the hallway.
it's doneee, i didn't add another chapter, look at me go. thanks so much for all the lovely fucking feedback, it's really made writing this story so much more worth it. i love you all so much!!
all typos and inconsistencies are mine, despite people trying to help wrangle my writing.
hope you enjoy this last bit!! x
Lena nearly tackles Andrea on her warpath through the kitchen. She stumbles right against her chest because she's there instead of outside, drinking the last Heineken from the back of the fridge and casually smiling like she didn't get Lena's telepathic signals of holy fuck, think I blasted off to Mars, send the Rover!!
This isn't a drill, not even close, this is the one where they panic instead of walking calmly in a single-file line.
"So, how was it?" Andrea asks, then sips her beer, clears her throat, takes a breath and opens her mouth to speak again all before Lena even remembers what words are. "It was great, I bet. Wasn't it? She looks like she kisses with her whole existence, probably."
"I feel like I died," Lena says, chewing the inside of her cheek until it stings enough to distract her heart from beating so fast. Or maybe it's just Andrea's warm blue eyes trailing over her face that's making her feel comforted. "Not in a bad way or anything, it was like I ascended."
"I can't imagine," Andrea says, slurry like there's too much saliva in her mouth. "I keep trying to imagine, but I know it's better than anything I can think of, and it makes me excited and a little sad, to be honest, considering how many guys I've kissed."
"She's better than them," Lena says fast.
Then Andrea says, "I know," even faster. "God, I know, she's just, there's something about her that's just good. And it's scary, like, that day we spent in Cascade Locks just chatting and sharing food, I kept - it felt like my heart was clenching up just from being next to her, listening to her dumb stories and watching her chew her lip too much. I've never felt drawn into someone so fast before, not since I met you, and then. I don't know, I guess I just noticed the way you looked at her, and I could tell you were feeling it, too. So, I pulled myself away, tried to shrink so you could have her, but it's like I knew from the beginning that she could - I don't know how to say it."
"Break you?" Lena asks, because she's been feeling that all along, too. "Not even destructive or anything, just ruin you for anything else."
"Yeah, that," Andrea agrees, then takes another drink, tilting the bottle higher instead of throwing her head back, so her eyes stay focused on Lena. She pauses a second when she's done, like she's twirling thoughts around inside her head, face saying a million things Lena can't read. After a long moment, she finally opens up. "I've felt so scared and selfish these past few days, just kept thinking that I want her and I want you, and that having those feelings together was gonna make me mess things up and lose you both. So, I finally decided I wasn't, that it wasn't worth losing you, especially. This whole trip I've been so swallowed up in my own fucked-up, confusing feelings, and I just - I thought you two didn't need that."
Lena gets that, understands that more than she knows how to voice. She's watched Andrea fall apart day after day after day, never commenting on it or helping out. She just lets her, lets her drink and have sex and cleans her up when she gets too messy. And she's never fucking bothered to step in, too afraid of being consumed too fast by her own feelings. She's letting Andrea do what she wants, live her life, not get in her way, she kept saying that to herself, over and over, until it was her religion, her chant, all the while really doing nothing but letting Andrea crash and burn because Lena's been too swallowed up in her own fucked-up feelings. But, she wants to be better now, wants to hold Andrea and protect her, wants to let Kara kiss her until her lips are swollen and she feels loved. She wants to be her peace, whatever the fuck that means.
"I want all of your fucked-up, confusing feelings," Lena says, jittery because she's opening up her heart so Andrea can read all the secrets printed on it. She feels so nervous until she doesn't, nibbling her lip until she's smiling, chest relaxing when she catches the glint in Andrea's eyes. She's being a dork and she knows Andrea wants to call her on it, but they're both stuck in this stuffy moment that feels like tears should be involved in all the best ways. "I mean it, I want your everything, even the bad. I want your drama," she smiles big.
Andrea smiles back. "The touch of my hand?"
"I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand," Lena deadpans.
There's silence for a moment. Then, as if on cue, they both start singing, "I want your love, love love love, I want your love."
Which feels perfect in a way that resonates in even the most insecure places inside Lena.
They head upstairs to their room afterwards. Lena switches into soft leggings and a t-shirt, just in case she falls asleep watching a movie, she wants to be comfortable. Andrea switches into grey sweats with a loose-fit Nike crop-top and no bra, and jesus.
Lena sort of... stares, until Andrea's grinning and twiddling with the edge of the shirt like she'll lift it. "Wanna see?" she asks.
"No, m'fine," Lena lies. Then she says, "I've seen you before," which isn't a lie, but judging from Andrea's face it wasn't really the right thing to say. "I just meant, I, um, that Kara asked - invited - us over to watch Netflix, so we should go."
"Netflix?" Andrea asks, like she hasn't gotten over Lena effectively saying she doesn't want to see her naked. "Is that really what she said?"
"Yeah, I think it could be fun, haven't watched television in so long, forgot what it's like to just. Feel like a normal millennial."
"God, you're fucking cute," Andrea whispers, and then she's pushing Lena backwards until they're toppling on the bed, pressing upwards until their legs aren't hanging off and Lena's head is comfortable on a pillow. Her shirt's riding up her back and Lena keeps thinking if it lifts anymore, she'll just be exposed, naked, fuck, on top of Lena. "You're so fucking cute," she re-emphasizes.
"You're calling me cute in that way you do when I'm missing something," Lena tries to pout, which she figures out is impossible in this position because Andrea just leans in and kisses it away. She can hardly stop herself smiling. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, you're perfect," Andrea says, nuzzling Lena, dragging her lips across her cheek and leaving wet patches, messy and slick and cold against the air as she trails toward her jaw. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."
"You know," Lena starts, trying to explain. "Like whenever I miss a reference or when someone's giving me shit and it takes me too long to notice, you always like do this voice when you call me cute."
"It's just my I think Lena's great voice, nothing special there."
"Andrea. Please, c'mon, you know what I'm talking about. Just tell me if I'm missing something."
"Shit," Andrea breathes, dragging her body against Lena, moaning soft in the back of her throat and mouthing against Lena's jaw like something happened and Lena missed it. "I never noticed how much you love to beg until tonight."
"I don't love it?" Lena defends weakly, feels like she's missing something there, too. She's so goddamn lost. "I just want you to tell me why you're calling me cute in your she's so dumb voice?"
"I just want you to tell me why we're not kissing right now," Andrea retorts, pressing her thigh up so it's nudging between Lena's legs. She lifts off the bed then, hovering over Lena's face, straddling Lena's thigh, smiling in a way that finally makes her look like the Andrea Lena knows and loves.
The Andrea that doesn't think twice before jumping into a months-long hike, but can't commit to weekly yoga classes. The Andrea Lena met when they were in fifth grade, the one that was precocious and knew so much about shit she shouldn't have known yet, but never made Lena feel bad that she didn't. The Andrea that broke Mark Washington's toe in tenth grade by stomping on it in her boots when he grabbed Lena's ass. The Andrea that would steal thousand dollar whiskey from her dad and drink it in pillow-sheet forts she made with Lena, star-lamp casting dots all over the top sheet as they talked about their hopes and dreams. The Andrea that told her she didn't have to work for LuthorCorp if she didn't want to, the one that, without ever mentioning it, took off a year before starting her dream job because she knew Lena was nervous about facing the real world and her family, the one that told her she could do what she wanted and be what she wanted, and that she was strong and brave and smart and absolutely no one could stop her.
They hacked up their first cigarette together and applied to all the same colleges together, and came out here in the middle of nowhere with no one else to talk to because they've always been everything to each other, and they'll always be together.
But then Andrea shakes her head and she looks like something else entirely.
She looks like someone Lena doesn't know, but she wants to.
There are so many ways Lena could respond to why they're not kissing, she knows that, but her brain is too foggy to form a coherent sentence. Thoughts jumping away from her, speeding away like foot traffic passing by in downtown New York City. The thought of Andrea straddling her, being so close to naked, biting her lip like she wants to eat Lena makes Lena even foggier. Hotter.
"Andy," Lena murmurs, feeling heat dip low in her belly.
Andrea shifts her hips, presses harder against Lena's thigh, harder between her legs. "That's too bad, then. Thought we might go a little further."
Lena just whines, shifts her own hips. Andrea leans down and kisses her in return. Bites against her lip. "God, you're so sweet when you want it, aren't you?"
Sweet. Lena likes being called that. "I'm okay. What do you mean by further?"
Andrea just hums for a second, close and soft. "Having you on your back like this. Being on top of you and kissing you nice and long, until you're as flushed as you used to get back in gym class. Always loved that about you. Good so far?"
Lena nods, slow and heavy, tries to keep her breathing under control. "What's next?"
Andrea grabs Lena's hand, trails it up her belly until she's got it splayed over her breast, nipple so hard it's like a little pebble underneath Lena's palm. "Next, I'd just let you touch me wherever you want, as long as you want, until you're comfortable enough. You've probably never had your hands on someone like this before, huh? Do you like how it--"
"Hello, you in here?" Kara calls out suddenly, either because Lena's just imagining her voice or because she's somehow found her way into their room. Hearing it is somehow not enough to push through the fog in Lena's head, though, pierce through the thought of touching Andrea anywhere she wants, the thought of it being okay for her to be unashamed in doing it. The fact that she's actually, right now, running her thumb across Andrea's nipple, feeling and hearing the way her breath picks up. Lena didn't know how much she's always needed this.
"Just wanted to check since you never made it to the room, but if I'm interrupting--"
"No, we were just waiting for you, just warming up," Andrea says, lifting up suddenly, letting Lena's hand fall away and twisting towards the door. It feels like she's moving way too fast for Lena, but it prompts Lena's brain to pick it up a bit. Her hands go to Andrea's thighs automatically, and then she just kind of stares at her in a daze. Andrea looks so good on top of her, legs draped across Lena's thigh and the tan skin of her belly peeking out underneath her top. Her smile looks so playful, blue eyes shining full force as she sizes Kara up. "Why'd you bring the laptop? Shut the door, get over here. What took you so long?"
"Thought we were watching Netflix in my room, sorry," Kara says, and Lena looks over to watch her toe the door shut, laptop and large bag of barbecue chips tucked under either arm. She looks like she's glowing, wearing a t-shirt and sweats now, with her hair stringy and wet like she's fresh showered. "Didn't get the update that the plans changed, checked my phone and everything."
She puts the laptop and chips on the nightstand and climbs on the bed. Andrea scoots over and drops down, presses herself against Lena's side, making room as Kara lays out on her belly lower on the bed, rests her nose against Lena's belly over her shirt.
"Hi," Andrea says. "Been a little bit."
"A little bit," Kara repeats. "What have you been up to without me?"
Andrea smiles, leaning over Lena to ruffle Kara's hair, but then it's like she just gets lost in playing with it, burying her fingers in the parts where it's started drying and is already fluffing up. "We're doing what we thought you actually meant by Netflix."
Kara lifts her brow like she's genuinely confused for a second, smile never leaving her face as she leans into Andrea's hand. "Popular misconception, if you can believe it. But when I say Netflix, m'actually referring to the streaming service, as implied by the name."
Andrea snorts. "Who are you two? Have you not seen the internet."
"Maybe not the sites you're on. Do you always get excited for pizza deliveries?" Kara asks, and this time Lena laughs, Kara's eyes flicking to her playfully like it's two against one. Then she says, "Guessing you always order sausage, for the authentic experience."
Which gets her in trouble. Quite literally. "You're in time out, now," Andrea decides, untangling her hand from Kara's hair. "I'm gonna make-out with Lena, and. You're just, going to stay in time out until I say you're not. Got it?"
"Don't smile, this isn't a good thing," Andrea says, dragging her thumb over Kara's bottom lip, tugging it down until her smile finally fades. "You're a spectator, so watch and shut up, that's all you gotta do. It's not that hard," she says, but she's looking back at Lena again, grinning at her. Lena feels like she's out of breath, everything catching up to her that Andrea said they'll kiss. "We were talking about something important before we were rudely interrupted, right?"
"Hey, th--" Kara starts, and Andrea presses her thumb clear into her mouth. Jesus, fuck. It's already a lot to handle, just seeing that, but Kara goes and seals her lips around it, starts to suck on it, letting her eyes flutter shut as she breathes out hard through her nose.
Lena has to turn away, has to catch her breath, what seems like a thoughtful plan, except the only place to turn is Andrea. Which is no help at all for her breathing, because Andrea's face is suddenly closer, and she's just so pretty, skin illuminated like she's actually glowing. Instead of just kissing Lena like she said she would, she pulls her thumb from Kara's mouth, trails the slick of it slow across Lena's lips, and god.
Whatever sound Lena makes gets lost inside Andrea's mouth. The kiss is messy and wet from the start, infinitely less coordinated than the other ones they've had, but it's fucking hot. Andrea keeps biting her lip, keeps making her face messier with her thumb, cupping Lena's cheek and gripping her fingers in her hair, melting against Lena's side like she can't help herself. Everything between them feels so wet and hot, making Lena's body burn up, making her insides churn, twisting and twisting and dipping when she remembers Kara's still fucking watching. The thought makes her hips buck up, Andrea's tongue pushing into her mouth as Lena's brain whites out from the friction. She does it again just on instinct, and Andrea gasps, pulling away to press her mouth against Lena's jaw.
"Crap," Kara whispers, and her eyes are so dark when Lena looks down, cheeks red, hair more fluffy and messy than it is wet now. "I know m'not supposed to talk, but I feel like I have to say something about that."
"No you don't," Andrea starts, then pauses too long when she lifts her head. It's like she's transfixed when she says, "Your lips are so big and dumb," out of breath, eyes dark and misty, calm, the way it gets before a big storm. "I hate the way you're always chewing on them, makes them like, pink and swollen and more dumb."
"Not sure if I'm being complimented or insulted," Kara smiles, like it doesn't faze her either way.
"I just - I wanna kiss you, you big dork," Andrea says, "That's what I'm--"
"I know," Kara interrupts her, before she gets another insult out. "I just wanted to hear you say it out loud. Plainly, I mean."
"Think I'm changing my mind," Andrea says, but her cheeks are past the point of being a cute rosy blushed, tinting up an angry splotchy red as Kara licks her lips and watches her. "Maybe I'll just kiss Lena some more."
"That's okay, too," Kara says, easily.
"More than okay," Andrea defends. "It's fantastic, bet you wish you could be doing it."
"You're not wrong."
"I know I'm not."
Lena feels like she's dying.
"Scoot down here," Kara says to Andrea, calmly, tipping her head. "You looked really good at it. Show me how to kiss her so I can be as good as you. I want to make her feel the way you did."
Lena can see the exact second Andrea's strings snap, face scrunching up like being complimented wasn't allowed, mouth hanging open like she doesn't know where the insult fits. Jesus fuck, this is Andrea speechless and Lena's rarely seen that happen.
"I mean it," Kara goes on. "I really want to impress her. Want to impress you too, to be honest, but you're already convinced I'm dumb, so I don't know. At least I can't lose a lot of points with you, right?"
"I never said you were dumb," Andrea says, weirdly enough, since it's every other word out her mouth to Kara.
"Right," Kara says, smiling wider and licking out over her lips again, like she knows she's cute and charming and getting under Andrea's skin just by being nice. "I'm just a dork that annoys you, and my lips are dumb, but let's be real: probably me too, right?"
"I never said any of that," Andrea says, harder this time, like she's actually defensive.
Kara must pick up on it, because her face softens and she says, "Hey, it's okay. I'm just teasing, I know you didn't say any of that, I'm sorry," she apologizes, and Andrea just keeps blink blink blinking like she's not sure what to do. "I'm just a little nervous because you're so pretty, um, beautiful, I mean. You look really... nice," she finishes lamely.
"I know I am, don't need you to tell me," Andrea says, and Lena can't figure out why she's fighting back so much, already told Andrea that kissing Kara is amazing. She should be jumping to do it.
"I'm really glad you know that. You should know that, would be a shame if you didn't," Kara says.
Then she does her thing again, when her words stop flowing but her face keeps talking. Andrea does it back, eyes still dark and stormy, both of them silent like they're having an entire conversation telepathically. Whatever gets said between them, it must work, because a few seconds later Andrea scoots down so her face is even with Kara, both propping themselves on their elbows leaned over Lena.
Lena watches them close the gap between them without ever saying anything, watches their noses press together, then she watches Kara whisper wait at the last second, ducking away to blink at Lena too seriously for how Lena's heart is thunking.
"Is this okay?" she asks, like Lena's the deciding factor, like Lena isn't just a passenger on this express train of whatever Kara and Andrea want to do, like Lena isn't throbbing so hard between her legs her thighs are shaking from the force she's pressing them together with. "Not that I don't want, like..." she trails off, glancing at Andrea briefly, eyes dragging slow to her lips as she huffs out air and licks out wetly over her own, before looking back to Lena. "But only if we're all okay?"
"Um," Lena says, wondering if she says yes, it's okay i want it so fucking much in the wrong way will they laugh at her for being too eager, if she'll say it in a way that makes her a slut, if they'll look at her differently if they know Lena wants to see them kiss, if it's fine she admits to it, actually forms the words into a sentence. It feels so much like she's on the spot, like the world will swallow her if she says the words out loud, like she'll make the situation weird or they won't go back to normal afterwards.
It's so easy to just let it happen, go with the flow, laugh it off if someone backs away and never talk about it again.
But Kara wants her to say she wants it, and that feels like it's not fair, not okay, too much pressure.
It makes Lena so much more active in it, and if it goes wrong it was all her idea, and she was the weirdo that made the two girls she likes kiss, so. "I don't mind it," she says, and holds her breath. "If you two want to."
"Do you want us to?" Andrea asks, and Lena feels so flushed she wishes she could catch on fire instead of sitting here knowing how red she is right now, instead of watching them watch her as they make her admit she's so into this her skin is pulsing. "You can just nod, that's okay too."
Lena nods, so fucking fast she doesn't even think first, neck craning head bouncing hair flopping, so eager she should have just fucking said it.
But her heart is lodged so far in her throat, they could probably see her aorta pumping if she opened her mouth at this point, so she keeps it pressed closed and just hopes they stop looking at her. They don't, though. Instead, in sync, in unison, like a well-rehearsed circus act that people pay a hundred-twenty dollars to see, both their faces soften at the same time, and they both get the same look. Lena can't, she, god she can't fucking handle it. She knows that look, she's seen that look. It's the same one she gets when she thinks Andrea's not looking, the same one every guy gives Andrea when she walks away, hips twisting to the beat of some song as she winks at the next best thing. It's the look people give girls like Andrea, because they know in twelve years when they're married to girls like Lena they'll still be thinking about her.
Lena doesn't deserve that look; it's not hers to have.
She's not the one people are scared might get away, she's the one they hurt on purpose.
"I mean yes," she rushes out, because maybe if they just kiss, then she'll stop melting. "I want you to, please, I want it."
"Okay," Kara says, eyes lighting up again, smiling like it's the easiest thing in the world to be that pretty as she slides her hand underneath Lena's shirt. It's so soft, big and heavy and hot on her belly. "I've wanted to kiss you for a while now, to be honest," she tells Andrea, turning so their faces are close enough to knock together, "ever since you teased me about slackpacking back in Cascade Locks."
"Kara Danvers enjoys being teased, surprising absolutely no one," Andrea smiles back, and Kara laughs, shakes her head, presses their foreheads together. Andrea closes her eyes.
Lena stops breathing.
She feels like she's suspended, heat gripping tight and uncomfortable in her belly as her heart beat slunks against her chest like a sledgehammer smashing through drywall. She wants them to like each other as much as she likes each of them. She wouldn't even be jealous about it, not at all, because as weird as it is for her to think it, she knows they both like her, love her, want her for some reason, knows wherever tonight goes is in large part wherever Lena wants it to because they both just want her to be happy. She wants them to kiss. She wants them to kiss kiss kiss, wants it so much that when Kara leans in slow and Andrea breaths out fast and their lips finally press together, Lena shifts her hips up and moans, even though neither one of them makes a noise.
God, sure, not moan, really, more like a clipped off, frustrated sound. But it's definitely involuntary and more sexual and desperate than she wants to be in the silent open air of the room, but. There it was, loud and clear.
"Fuck," Andrea says, dropping back, gripping her hand around Lena's thigh, warm even through her leggings. Then she turns to Lena, flushed cheeks, big eyes glassing up like they're shimmering, and Lena wants to disappear again. "Jesus."
"Sorry," Lena says, automatically.
"Don't be, fuck, not about, god, you're so fucking, just," she stumbles out, sliding her hand up Lena's thigh, nudging them apart until her hand is pressing in snug between Lena's legs, knuckling against Lena's clit like she's trying to rip Lena apart in the too-bright shine of the incandescent lighting.
Lena feels like she's fucking burning up, like she's Los Angeles at the end of every summer--lighting herself on fire under the heat of their eyes as she squirms against Andrea's hand, ears so hot it feels like the sound is getting flushed out of the room. She can't breathe, god she actually can't breathe, because she's still holding her breath too afraid they'll finally see the real her if she makes sudden movements.
"You look so good sometimes, you know?" Andrea says, like she's not making Lena's thighs shake right now, like she's not making her feel so exposed with her hips stuttering underneath Kara's forearm. "I mean, it's all the time, really, but right now--"
She cuts off, chokes off, throat working like she was telling the truth a few days ago when she said looking at Lena makes her want to cry.
"Come here, we weren't finished yet," Kara finally says to Andrea, voice gentle and firm and so fucking sweet. Then she moves forward and kisses her right where it's reddest on her cheek, so soft Andrea turns and tucks her chin to her chest, hand going still between Lena's legs like she's actually, legitimately breaking. Kara just keeps trailing down her cheek, slow and hot, lower and lower until she's talking against her jawline. "Your lips are so soft, you know that?" she asks, and Lena can see Andrea's jaw clench as she swallows. "Show me how to do it right, want to be as good as you, want us to both be good for Lena."
"Stop doing that," Andrea says, but it's obvious whatever defense she was putting up is cracking, splintering in a way Lena didn't know was possible with someone they've just met. Kara Danvers is unraveling Andrea like Lena's never seen anyone else manage, and it's making Lena's heart swell five times its normal size. She's never seen Andrea kiss someone without her mask on, without her guard up, without a smile that doesn't reach her eyes and words that won't mean anything in the morning. But she definitely means it when she whispers, "It's not fair for you to do that."
"I don't know what I'm doing," Kara says, nuzzling her face against Andrea's jaw. "I just really want to kiss you and m'not sure how else to tell you that. But I can stop talking if you want me to."
"Fuck," Andrea breathes out, frustrated and defeated, then she lifts her head.
Kara barely waits a second before she kisses her again.
It starts off slow, both their mouths closed and sticking together, so pink and so soft and so vulnerable, then Andrea sighs into the kiss and Kara licks right between her lips, and the room feels even more stuffy than it did before, god, it's just.
Andrea kisses Lena like she's saying i know your face, your mouth, your lips your jaw every inch of the curves on your body, but she doesn't kiss Kara, she lets Kara kiss her. She opens her mouth and lets Kara devour her, lets Kara tuck her bottom lip between her teeth and pull at it, lets her get her lips puffy and glistening, transitioning to darker and darker shades of red the longer it goes on. She lets Kara kiss her until she drops her head again, until she's gripping tight into Lena's thigh, breathing in and out hard and fast through her nose like this is the first breath she's caught in her entire adult life. Then she looks up and presses back into it like she's hungry for it, desperate, like she's feeling it with every inch of her body.
Lena feels so worked up, she's scared she might have one of those weird touch-free orgasms and ruin the whole mood. It gets particularly bad when Kara starts thumbing across her belly button, when Andrea remembers to move her hand again and starts rubbing Lena through her leggings, when they both keep touching Lena while kissing each other. Lena closes her eyes and tilts her head back and tries to breathe through her nose, breathe through her nose, but she opens her mouth and accidentally moans, for real this time, circling her hips against Andrea's fingers until she hears someone gasp jesus.
She opens her eyes, blinks the dots away, assumes it's Andrea who stopped again, but Andrea's face is pressed into Kara's neck and Kara's the one staring at her this time, lips cherry-red and kiss-swollen. She keeps blinking her eyes slow, running her thumb over Lena's belly slow, and Lena's heart is beating so fast it just makes her feel like she's in hyperspeed and everything else has stalled out.
"I think it's our turn now?" Kara mostly asks, even her words fucking slow, and Lena feels it again, like she's evaporating. "I mean if that's okay, god, sorry, didn't mean to blurt that out, I just, if you don't want to that's fine, too. But I'd love to kiss you again, is all I'm saying."
"No, I want to," Lena says fast, swallowing reflexively, thinking about how she'll have to change her underwear when they're done kissing because she can feel how hot and damp she is between her legs, against the fabric. It's only natural, she knows that, but she wonders what they'd think of her if they knew she was soaked enough she could feel it squishing when she moves her hips. "Sorry, m'sort of awkward."
"I showed up with BBQ chips," Kara smiles. "I think awkward's my adjective, you have to pick a new one."
"I dunno," Lena says, relaxing a little. "Dumb?"
"That one's mine, too."
"No, that one's mine," Andrea says, lifting her head.
"What about cute?" Kara says to Andrea.
"I think she's really cute," Andrea agrees, massaging Lena's thigh. "She's so sweet, too. Should have heard her earlier."
"Oh, yeah?" Kara asks, licking her lips as Andrea scoots back so she can kiss Lena right at the crease of her thigh, lips on the edge of Lena's underwear through the fabric. "Thought it was my turn to kiss her? You can't jump in line, it's not polite."
"No one's stopping you from coming down here," Andrea says, kissing Lena farther in this time, like she's working her way to kissing right between her legs--a thought that has Lena spreading her thighs, as wide as she can go while bunched between the two of them, has her cheeks flaming up because she feels embarrassed that she's so obviously asking for it, but she also wants it. "You're the only one that's standing in your way, right Lena?"
It takes her second to realize they're both paused, that they're both looking at her because they want her to answer again.
She wishes they'd just do what they want, that they'd just guide Lena through it and make all the decisions and not make her talk or have to give a go-ahead. She's never slept with one person, let alone two, and she just. She feels outnumbered and nervous and anxious, but in a fucking good way, like she's excited. It feels like the few minutes before skydiving, before she jumps out of the airplane, when she keeps thinking about all the ways she can die and not about how much fun it's going to be. She just wishes they would push her already so she can finally feel what it's like to be truly flying, and manage to get out of her fucking head. God.
"Please," she finally breaks, because she doesn't know what else to say, what else to do. But it makes Kara's mouth fall open the second it leaves her lips, and Lena thinks she likes that, too, so. Maybe she does want to talk. "I mean, yeah, m'not stopping you, want you to do whatever you want to, don't even have to ask. I trust you."
"Oh my god," Kara gasps, staring at Lena like she belongs in the holy trinity.
"Told you she was sweet," Andrea says, like she's proud, shifting to spread Lena's thigh more so she can press her mouth right against her clit. She doesn't even kiss this time, just lets her warm breath pool there. "Could you imagine if someone else got here before we did? Someone not as good? Just think what would have happened if--"
"We don't ever have to think about that," Kara says, shifting her attention from Lena to Andrea, taking her hand from underneath Lena's shirt so she can turn a bit and tangle it in the mess of hair on Andrea's head. "We're here, so we don't have to, okay?"
"Okay," Andrea agrees, blinking wide back at Kara, staring staring staring until her eyes fall to her lips.
This time Andrea starts the kiss, pushing Lena's legs apart so she can huddle herself between them, lifting up slightly and leaning over Lena's torso to kiss Kara more boldly than she did last time. Kara keeps her fingers tangled in her hair, grips it tighter every time Andrea pushes in, until Andrea finally relaxes and lets her mouth go slack for Kara to lick inside. Just the brief glimpse of Kara's tongue makes Lena gasp, makes her grind her ass into the mattress because she wants it on her, wants it in her, wants it wherever Kara wants to put it.
They don't seem to mind her moving this time, or at least it doesn't make them stop. If anything it makes them more frantic the more Lena moves her hips, the more sounds she makes, and she keeps making sounds and keeps moving her hips, up and down and circling them, so they're all worked up and breathing hard and flushed by the time Kara and Andrea break apart.
"Jeez," Kara says, taking her hand out of Andrea's hair so she can run it through her own, mostly dry now, a golden tangle of fluffed up curls. "If I'm honest, I thought this was like, all a big joke at first. But I'm so into the both of you, I hope this is real."
She says it so fucking genuinely, that Andrea doesn't even crack a joke about it, just tugs Kara up by her t-shirt collar so she can kiss her again, quick this time, then drops her hand down and cups it right between Lena's legs.
"Think I could prove to you how real this is," she says. Lena squirms underneath her, blinking heavy, so worked up she feels like she has a pulse right there in her clit, beating double-time when Andrea slides her hand up and curls her fingers in Lena's waistband. "She was so out of it after you kissed her the first time, had to grab her shoulder and ruffle her so she'd blink the daze out of her eyes."
Kara smiles. "She couldn't even look at me after, got so nervous she begged for you."
"Did she?" Andrea asks, smiling back, and Lena mumbles please because it feels like they don't notice her, like they've forgotten she's there. They're telling all her secrets like she's not right here. "I'll never fucking get over that, god," Andrea says, dragging her eyes over Lena, before giving her attention to Kara again, gently tugging Lena's waistband. "I think if you kissed her anywhere but here at this point it'd just be considered torture. She's had enough foreplay, probably not gonna last long as it is."
"That's fine," Kara says, dropping her hand onto Lena's thigh, so warm and so heavy, holding her open, trailing up between her legs. She looks at Lena then, and Lena's so far hazed, she's just praying Kara doesn't ask another question. And she doesn't. She just gives Lena's thigh a squeeze, then tells her more than asks, "We should probably get these off, yeah?"
Lena doesn't need any more instruction than that, lifts her hips off the bed and Kara and Andrea instantly have their hands on her, pulling her leggings off, eyes widening when she settles back down. Both of them shuffling back and lifting up more so they can hold Lena open and just look at her. She doesn't feel she's particularly sexy, never really has, but it doesn't really matter with the way they're both staring, eyes watching Lena just as hungrily as guys look at Andrea.
"Shit," Andrea mumbles, soft and quiet, sliding her hand up Lena's bare thigh as she spreads her more, Lena just barely starting to feel the stretch of being too open. "You can see how wet you are through your underwear, soaked right through them. Amazing."
"Sorry," Lena murmurs, because she doesn't know how it got this way. They haven't even paid attention to her in what feels like hours. They just keep talking like she's not there and kissing each other, but somehow Lena's getting off on that, too.
"How do we get her to stop apologizing for being perfect?" Kara asks thoughtfully.
"I dunno," Andrea shrugs. "Feels like she thinks we're upset that she's wet."
"I'm definitely not upset with it," Kara says, tucking her fingers under the elastic of Lena's underwear between her legs. Lena's so sure that Kara's just going to stop on the edge, that she just about breaks when she pushes in farther, slips her fingers between Lena's folds where she's wettest, fluttering over her hole before she presses a finger in, so thick and so fucking deep. "Look how easy that is."
Andrea's already looking, though, tugging Lena's underwear aside, so Lena's fully exposed as Kara pulls her finger out and presses it back in, touches some spot inside Lena that makes her see stars floating around the room. Lena wants to ride her finger, wants to lift her hips up and take in more, wants to do things that, ugh, even just thinking about it makes her body feel like it's on fire. There's so much heat curling through her that she doesn't even have the capacity to be nervous anymore, just to feel, something so illicit about the way they're both touching her, holding her clothes aside, watching Kara fuck in and out of her like it's okay to make her feel this good and this exposed at the same time.
"I think I know how to make her stop," Andrea says after what feels like an eternity, still running with that line of thought like they haven't transitioned into Lena falling apart. "Have the perfect idea."
Kara stops moving her finger, just holds it inside Lena as she turns to Andrea, nibbling her lip a second before she smiles. "You want to taste, don't you?" she asks, blushing as she ducks her head. "You're right, that is perfect. You're so smart."
Lena doesn't know what affects her more: the fact they're very obviously talking about tasting her, or the fact that Andrea visibly preens when she's being complimented by Kara.
"I just think it's the best way to show her we love it," Andrea says, this time like she's bashful, like she's seeking confirmation.
"I think so, too," Kara nods, pulling her finger from inside Lena, twisting her hand around and rubbing the back of her knuckle against Andrea's lips. Lena can see how slick it is from where she's craning her neck, how wet Andrea's lips are getting, right before she opens her mouth and buries Kara's finger inside, hollowing her cheeks around and sucking, swallowing, jesus.
"I think I get it," Lena says, because she feels like she's going to pass out. "Please, I just, I want it."
"Alright," Kara smiles, wrestling her finger from Andrea's mouth, putting it in her own like she's licking it clean. "We were talking about kisses before, yeah?" she asks after, like she's not breaking Lena. "You want to try that too?"
Lena just nods.
"Good, you can have all the kisses you want," Andrea says, climbing up the bed again, curling against Lena's side and immediately kissing her jawline. "You doing okay?"
"Yeah," Lena says, more comfortable talking when she's being held, when Andrea's crowding in front of her face and she can just focus on her. "I'm doing good, really good."
"If you stop doing good, just let me know, or tap me three times or say stop or red, whatever is more comfortable for you."
"Okay," Lena says. "I don't want to stop, though."
"I know," Andrea says, running her hand up Lena's neck, thumbing over her ear, fingers in her hair. "I just like knowing that you know."
"You're always so good to me," Lena says, because she's always wanted to say that. Because, despite all the shit that Lena's gone through in her past, Andrea still found a way to convince Lena "Scared to Trust" Luthor that it was impossible for her to ever break her heart, that all she'd ever be is good to Lena, that she'd only ever protect Lena even in their bad times. She still sends flowers to Lena when they're arguing, always leaves a note on the card--i'm still mad at you but I still love you. She always puts Lena first and second and third and has to be reminded to at least put herself fourth. Even if Andrea didn't agree to join Lena and Kara, Lena knows that she still would have been there, always, telling embarrassing hike stories at the wedding reception and holding Lena's hand after too much whiskey at her own celebration party. She's just so good. "I love you, you know?"
"You can't be sweet and sappy during sex," Andrea retorts. "You trying to kill a girl?"
"Just say you love me back, please?"
"I love you back," Andrea says, putting her thigh over Lena's and pressing it open more. "Now I wanna watch you get your soul shaken, if that's okay with you."
"As long as I live," Lena laughs.
"I don't know, it'd be a good way to go, riding a high wave."
"No one's dying here," Kara cuts in, lying comfortably between Lena's legs now. "You're left unsupervised for two seconds and this happens."
"Be better at supervising, then," Andrea snaps back.
"There she is," Kara smiles. "Thought I lost you for a second when you stopped insulting me."
"God, shut up. Just put your mouth on Lena. Just do it."
"Is that why you're wearing a Nike shirt?" Kara asks, and Andrea knees the side of her head. "Okay, okay, well if we've resorted to abuse, I guess I can resolve this with my mouth."
"You're so dumb."
"Lena doesn't think so," Kara says easily, kissing the inside of Lena's thigh. It's true, but Lena's not sure she'd ever admit that while they're arguing. She's Switzerland and she's horny and her clit is throbbing just from feeling Kara's breath when she talks. "I know she'd never say it in front of you, but I know she feels it, and that's all that matters."
"Eat her out or I will," Andrea threatens, and Kara gasps, but she doesn't say another word.
Instead, she finally moves Lena's underwear aside, stares at her a second, and then she goes in tongue first. She licks right into Lena without hesitation, warm and soft and ugh, the relief from it is so fucking overwhelming, Lena grabs at the first things she can get her hands on--one hand gripping in Kara's hair, the other into Andrea's thigh--moaning soft and long as she opens her legs wider. She keeps feeling like she wants more more more, holding Kara's head as she rocks against her face.
"God, just suck her already," Andrea says, sliding her hand underneath Lena's shirt, thumbing her nipple through her sports bra as she licks up Lena's jaw. Lena turns so they can properly kiss, but she only manages to gasp into Andrea's mouth, lips going slack and useless as Kara sucks firmly around her clit. She gets so fucking close so fast, she starts jerking each time Kara applies pressure. Every time she switches from broad licks to sucking again, Lena's breath rushes out of her, body tensing up, legs trying to snap shut but mostly straining because she's being held open. "Do you want to come?" Andrea asks, like it isn't obvious, voice husky like she's affected too. "I think she's trying to draw it out, but you whimper each time she pulls off, so you can just tell her you want to come."
Fuck, Lena didn't know that was even an option.
"I wanna come," she says fast, high-pitched and needy and too far gone to feel any kind of way about it. Besides, she seems to always get her way when she says, "Please. Pleasepleasefuckingplease, I wanna come."
Kara immediately goes back to sucking, and Lena tenses again, shaky and jittery, thighs vibrating, back arching. This time Kara rides it out until Lena snaps, until she feels her body reaching a point of no return, like everything is rolling down hill, avalanching down and it can't go back up, like a flood, like a wave, like a tsunami. God, she's fucking coming and making water references, this feels so good.
"Jesus, look at you," Andrea breathes, and it feels like the heat revitalizes in Lena to roll through her again, like her orgasm is just repeating itself, like she actually is dying. "I wanna see you like this every day, think I'd be the happiest woman on earth."
"Andy," Lena pleads.
"No, fuck, I mean it, you're so--"
"No, Andy, I mean," Lena fumbles, gripping Andrea's thigh hard, pushing Kara's head away, finally closing her legs and turning so she can burrow into Andrea's chest. She is done coming, she wants it to end.
"You okay?" Kara asks, massaging the backs of her thighs, kissing against her ass over her underwear. "Tell me if I--"
"She's fine," Andrea cuts in. "She just feels really good, like after you kissed her."
"Right, okay, good, that makes sense," Kara rushes out, like she's relieved. "While m'down here, I'd love to make you feel good, too."
"No fucking way," Andrea says fast, jokingly, and Lena wants to be like no, it's good, but her being in a coma right now isn't helping anything. "Get up here and grab Lena. We're gonna see what you're working with, better be at least eight inches."
"I'm a grower, not a shower," Kara says, and Lena can feel the bed denting behind her as Kara climbs up and lies down behind her.
"Yeah, said every little dick ever," Andrea says, nudging Lena until she's flipped over and instantly folded in Kara's arms instead. She smells so good, Lena thinks, like every smell on her feels so new and unexplored and intoxicating, and. Suddenly Lena feels awake because she just wants to see Kara get touched, her face when she comes, how her mouth looks when it's making pretty sounds. She lifts her head up a little, lets Kara kiss her cheek, watches as Andrea crosses to the other side of Kara and starts untying the strings on her sweats. "I'm gonna blow your mind and you're not gonna think of anything else for the rest of your life."
"Okay," Kara says, laughing sheepishly. "Um, just by the way, m'sort of a giver. I'm not opposed to getting, but going down on girls is one of my favorite things to do, so--"
"You're gonna shoot your shot too early, aren't you?"
"I'll try my best not to," Kara says. "No promises, though, with your magical fingers. But, no, seriously, I've never felt like, you know? This has been so fun, I feel like I'm dreaming."
"You think it'd be better in a dream or worse?" Andrea asks. "Is there anything we could be doing better?"
"What, no," Kara says. "No, you're perfect. Both of you."
Fuck, Lena can't take it anymore. She rolls her head up and says, "Andy, she's so good, stop making fun of her. It's obvious she's nervous."
"I know, m'just trying to make her laugh," Andrea says fast. "So she'll loosen up. She's not offended, right?"
"Yeah, we're fine," Kara confirms. "No worries, it's okay."
"Yeah, she's getting the sweet end of this deal," Andrea grins, sucking two of her fingers into her mouth afterwards. She's a little sloppy about it, too wet, like she's trying to soak her fingers and not just get them damp. Lena's knows exactly where she's putting them the second they leave her mouth, but she's still surprised at how Kara gasps when Andrea's hand disappears inside her pants. "You didn't even need my help, did you?" she asks, and Kara hisses, lifting her chest off the bed. Lena wants to touch her nipples, wants to put her hand in her shirt, but she's so scared she'll mess up and ruin the mood. "Think you're more wet than Lena was."
"Don't worry, it's not a competition," Kara says, turning and kissing Lena's chin, panting wetly against it once Andrea starts moving her hand back and forth, probably working her finger in and out. "This feels so good, wow."
"Also not a competition," Andrea smiles, like she's smug with herself, glowing pretty with the light shining behind her, pulling her hand up and working her fingers with the motion of Kara's hips. Kara spreads her legs wider shamelessly, twists her hand in Lena's shirt, less coordinated by the second. "You're shaky already, look at you."
"Told you," Kara mumbles, lulling her head back.
Andrea just keeps going, circling her wrist, holding it steady, and ugh. It doesn't look so hard, when Lena thinks about it, not that daunting. Kara's already so close and it won't take that much and Lena just wants to touch, and she feels like she can do that and not mess it up, so.
"I think I want to touch too," she blurts before she can think too hard about it, lifting up a little, sliding her hand slow down Kara's belly, because she's still fucking nervous. "Just a little, just want to see how you feel for myself. You look so good."
"I'm gonna come," Kara breathes out in a rush, legs snapping closed before Lena's hand ever makes it, mumbling, "Jesus Christ," as she presses her forehead against Lena's neck and squirms against her body.
"Maybe next time, babe," Andrea shrugs, keeping her hand in Kara's pants until Kara calms down, pulling out when she does and massaging Kara's thigh until her breathing evens out too.
"Sorry," Kara apologizes, pausing while she swallows and catches another breath, relaxing against Lena. "That hit out of nowhere, jesus, but holy wow, your hands really are magical. Can't wait to get mine on you."
"It's okay," Andrea says, and this time it's not just Lena that picks up on it as weird.
"It's okay... for me to touch you?" Kara asks.
"No, it's okay, you don't have to," Andrea says, scooting over and sitting cross-legged next to Kara, hugging her arms around her belly. "It's just, I don't really - m'used to faking it a lot, is the thing, and I don't want to do that with you two. But I'm scared I won't be able to come, because I normally don't. I haven't for a while now, so - I just don't want to ruin the whole thing we have going."
"Could it just be," Kara starts, pausing as she twists away from Lena to sit up herself, "that you're just having bad sex, or sex with people you don't really like? I mean that, seriously."
"Yeah, I thought about that," Andrea says. "The last time I came, it was with this guy, but I was thinking about Lena," she finishes so quietly, the AC nearly drowns her out. "I just don't--I don't want you to think you're bad."
"Well, thankfully, we have us a Lena right here," Kara says, leaning forward and putting a hand on Andrea's knee. "And it's okay if you don't come, but I wanna at least try. We can tap out whenever you want to, and I won't be offended."
"Me either," Lena adds in. "I just want you to feel nice."
"It's also okay if you do come," Kara says. "Because I don't think either one of us wants to go anywhere, if we can help it, so you don't have to worry about how you'll ever go back to how it was before, the guys before."
Lena can tell that's the real problem from the way Andrea sinks into herself. God, she's been all laughs and jokes and Lena's been too out of it to realize she's probably been trying to shield herself the whole time. But, weirdly, it feels like Kara did notice. "I'm nervous, too," she goes on, "but we don't have to end this before it starts just because of that. This feels so nice, you know. You don't have to cut your nose off to spite your face."
"That's about revenge, isn't it?" Andrea whispers, and Kara gets this crinkle between her brows like she's confused. "Cutting your nose off? It's about hurting yourself more than you hurt the other person. I'm not sure it applies."
"You get my point, though, right? Then it applies."
"You're actually a potato," Andrea says. "I was just joking before, but you're actually a--" she's cut off by Kara falling forward and tickling her, laugh bubbling up warm and pretty. "Stop, you used it wrong and you know it."
"You're not getting out of me getting you off," Kara says, moving her hands. "Respectfully, that is, you can always say no. Of course."
"Fine," Andrea sighs. "Respectfully. But give me a C+, not an A."
"A C+ is a 2.3, and that's disgusting."
"That's a 2.7 and it's even worse because it sounds better than it is. Thought you weren't gonna fake it."
"I hate you," Andrea smiles.
"Get on your back," Kara smiles back. "Come on, gonna give you the A+ action."
"Fine," Andrea says, shuffling past Kara and lying down, cheeks flushing as she lifts her hips off the bed and rolls her pants down and over her feet. She's not wearing any underwear, but she keeps her thighs pressed together, her hand covering the tight junction between them.
"You gonna let me in?" Kara asks. "Or you want me to knock first?"
"Oh my god," Andrea groans, closing her eyes as she moves her hand, letting her legs drop open slow like she's cautious. "Just so you'll shut up already."
Kara doesn't respond, just looks down at her, wetting her lips, eyes dark and unreadable. "So, I can touch?" she finally asks, and Andrea nods, chest suspended like she's holding her breath, entire body tense.
"Okay, then," Kara says, gently touching the inside of Andrea's thighs first. "I'm gonna touch you now," she informs her, then she flattens her palm low on Andrea's belly, presses her down, takes a breath, slips her fingers where it's probably slick between Andrea's legs, and then she slides her middle finger inside her. She does it carefully the first time, presses it in slow slow slow and pulls out even slower. When she's almost fully out, she adds another finger before she goes in again, this time faster and tilted up more, in and out, in and out, once, twice, and then Andrea's thighs jump as her eyes fling open and her hand flies to Kara's wrist, holding it still.
"Something wrong?" Kara asks.
"No," Andrea says, soft, like she's ashamed of something. "No, I think something's just. Right. Sorry."
She lets Kara's wrist go and Kara pulls out again, hesitates a second, but then she pushes back in. It's the same way as the last time, tilted up towards that spot, Lena just knows, the same one she hit inside of Lena, and Andrea relaxes down again. Kara just keeps doing that, doing that and doing that and doing that, all the while Andrea's sinking more into the mattress, getting shakier and shakier, squeezing her hands in the sheets, mouthing out wordlessly, choking on little sounds.
"How's it feel?" Kara asks, studying Andrea's face like she's mounted up in the Louvre.
"It's like, it's okay, god, I don't know, what the fuck, it's actually really good," Andrea breathes out, back arching off the bed slightly. She clamps herself back down before Kara can, though. "I didn't think, didn't expect, I like it."
"What part of it is good?" Kara asks, so calm and so focused, even though Andrea's jumpy around her fingers. "What do you like the most?"
"I don't know, when you touch this one spot it feels like, better than normal."
"This spot right here?" Kara asks, hefting Andrea's hips toward her and dropping her palm as she presses her fingers up.
"God, yeah," Andrea drags out, barely even a whisper. "It feels like, I can't describe it. Like it's, fuck," she cuts off, swallowing, breathing, blinking like it'll actually clear her head. It won't. "It feels like it's pressure building, sort of like, it's weird, but kind of like when I have to pee or something."
"That's good," Kara says. "We're on the right track then, just have to let that build more. Tell me what else you like."
"I don't know," Andrea huffs, soft and breathy, letting her head fall back, sucking in a loud bubble of air when Kara drops the hand on her belly down, spreads her open, starts thumbing over her clit as she fucks her. "Yeah, that, I like that, please," she begs. Lena snorts. "Lena, I swear--"
"I'm sorry, just didn't know how much you liked to beg," she teases, and earns a thigh slap because of it, skin pinking up for a second before fading to normal again. Maybe it's the fact that they're all different levels of blissed out and still having sex, but there's something about that that Lena likes, too. She pushes that thought away. "Is it still good?"
"It feels, fucking, like, I don't know. It's good and weird and different, fuck, I don't know m'not, like, coherent."
Lena doesn't need her to be, can fill in the blanks because she felt it herself, the heat, the rush of it, the way it felt like her nerves multiplied and everything got more and more sensitive. She doesn't know how Andrea's managing to ride that out for this long without snapping. But she does, just keeps moving with Kara's hand as Kara fucks her, shaking like she's close then calming down, over and over until she's lasted longer than Lena and Kara combined.
"God, you're so close, I can feel it," Kara says, pressing Andrea down and fucking into her hard. "You just gotta let go, babe."
"I want to, but I can't," Andrea says, voice climbing like she's frustrated and whining about it.
"You can, you're just not letting yourself. It's like you don't want to."
"Fuck you, I want to," Andrea grits out. Hard for a single second before she's soft again when she says, "It's just not easy."
"Can I still touch?" Lena asks, out of her mouth so unexpectedly and so fast it takes her a second to grab the follow up words. "You said earlier I could, as much as I want. So, is it still okay?"
"Yeah, I mean, always, of course, fuck."
Lena slides in as soon as the words are out, presses herself against Andrea and slides her hand up her shirt, flicks one of her nipples and watches her eyes close. Then she takes one of Andrea's nipples between her fingers, rubbing it between them, experimenting with different types of pressure and figuring out what makes Andrea clench her jaw, what makes her open her mouth, what makes her scrunch her face up or run out of breath. She's so caught up in it, she nearly startles when Kara's speaks.
"Is that better?" Kara asks, and Andrea just blushes brighter this time, turns and presses her face into Lena's neck, grinding her ass into the bed and arching her back so much Kara has to push her down. "Nice," Kara smiles. "Now we're getting somewhere."
To be honest: Lena's always wanted this.
It's almost embarrassing how much she's dreamed and thought and fantasized about the sounds Andrea makes. How jealous she used to get, always blaming it on wanting to be fucked like Andrea was, but deep down knowing it was because she wanted to be responsible for those noises. She wanted them to be for her, selfishly, wanted every sound that left Andrea's mouth to be a direct result of and product for Lena and Lena only. Except Andrea isn't making any sound now, she's so goddamn silent, even though Lena can tell it's good. She can feel Andrea shaking with each breath, feel her biting against Lena's neck, feel her fingernails gripping and soothing and regripping Lena's skin. It's like she's fucking unraveling, like she's falling apart, like she truly cannot catch her breath, and it hits Lena so starkly, then: her goal should have never been to pull noises out of Andrea, it should have always been to make her fucking quiet.
"Fuck," Andrea whispers, gripping Lena harder than she's done so far, and Lena lifts her head in time to look down and catch Andrea tilting her head back, mouth falling open, eyes squeezing shut, cheeks blotched red as she comes. It's so fucking pretty it makes Lena's heart beat faster, makes her winded, makes her feel like she going crazy, makes her realize why Andrea says she wants to see Lena like that every single day. "Fuck, I hate this," Andrea grumbles, barely even down from it yet, Kara's hand still squeezed between her thighs. "It was so good, fuck. My life is over now. We better get three-way married, I swear."
Kara pulls her hand free and strokes Andrea's thigh, smiles up at them like she's the happiest person in the world. Lena tries not pay attention to the tug between her legs, the one she gets just looking at the both of them, thinking about the fact that they're all flushed and fucked and happy. Holy shit this worked, she keeps re-playing in her head, because it did somehow, and they want it just as much as Lena does. God, they fucking want it, too, and Lena never thought that'd happen in a million years.
"You know, that's not that unreasonable," Kara decides. "I think the hardest part of this whole thing, honestly, will be figuring out who has to tell Alex. There's still a month left in this hike, and she's definitely going to notice. If she hasn't already."