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The Bet

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In the depths of cold and dark Lapland, the monsters were all watching the HellTV, leaned back comfortably on the sofa. Hella was in her own recliner chair putting nailpolish on her porcelain hands. Mr Lordi grunted at the remote after having circled all available channels for something less boring. He ended up throwing it across the room in an angry roar, before breathing out.

Mr Lordi: Hella... I'm hungry. Cook something... please?
Mana: Yeah, some lasagna would be perfect.
Amen: With human meat, please.

The brush slipped from her nail and colored her finger, earning a angry sigh from the Doll.

Hella: Do it yourselves boys, I'm busy.
Mr Lordi: Give me a break! You won't ruin your nails, they're plastic.

She snarled at him and went on with her business.

OX: Oh... One more little thing, I tore the bottom of my coat, could you sew it back please?
Mana: Me too? The fabric of my tunic has holes because of all the kneeling I do.

Hella closed the polish bottle and exhaled deeply.

Hella: Sometimes I wonder if you could manage to spend just one single tiny little day without me doing the laundry, the cooking and other chores.

The Lord snapped his head in her direction and scoffed.

Mr Lordi: Of course we can do it! Hey! I can bet on it: if we win, you do everything we want for a week. If you win, we do everything you want for a whole month.

The Minotaur grabbed Lordi' shoulder, visibly embarrassed.

OX: Are you serious Big L? We're gonna lose pathetically!
Mr Lordi: Shut up OX. So do we have a deal?
Hella: Fuck yeah we do. You know what? I'll go chopping tomorrow, and I'll make sure to leave you a bunch of dirty clothes, dirty dishes, and an empty fridge!
Amen: Hey! That's not fair.
Mr Lordi: Do what you want Hella, tomorrow night we'll be the winners.
Hella: I let you dream about it. I'm going to bed, goodnight boys.

She was about to head towards her room when a meow interrupted her.

Mana: Hella-Miau! What about my lasagna?
Hella: There's a frozen portion in the freezer! Just move your ass over there and put it in the damn microwave!

She left the boys alone in the living room, with a majority of them facepalming in distress already.

Good morning boys! I've gone chopping with Lady Awa. I'll be back at midnight.
Have a VERY nice day…
- Hella.

Lordi crushed the little note and threw it behind himself.

Mr Lordi: Okay. She's gone. Now you sad bunch, here's what we're gonna do today: Mana, you will do the cooking and the dish washing.
Mana: I'll try. But let me warn you, it won't be very good.
Mr Lordi: Amen, you'll do the laundry and you'll sort it.
Amen: I don't know how to use the washing machine.
Mr Lordi: Do I look like someone who knows? OX, you'll do the sewing, and when you're done you'll take care of the garden.
OX: Are you serious? I can't hold a needle with my huge fingers.
Mr Lordi: Not my problem. I'll do the remainder: sweeping, cleaning, etc.
Amen: You kept the easiest chores for yourself…
Mr Lordi: Shut the fuck up. Let's work now, we'll show her we can handle it all.

Amen's POV:

The Mummified One was standing in front of the washing machine, looking at all its buttons. Indeed, he'd never used it before. Hella was damn serious about the laundry, she left a whole basket of their dirty clothes. He tried to remember when he saw his Doll friend use it, in order to do just like her. He put all the clothes he could in the machine's drum, he closed it, then put a strange white powder into some kind of drawer thing and pressed the biggest button he could find. The machine started with a loud noise, that made Amen jump with surprise. After a few minutes, the Mummy was satisfied of his work.

Amen: It wasn't that difficult…

However, there were still some clothes left. He didn't worry and left, waiting for the cycle to end. He wasn't sure how much time that would take, so he regularly came back to check it.

When the washing machine stopped, Amen took out the wet laundry. He realized with terror and horror that the darker clothes had dyed the lighter ones. Their underwear, shirts and even his bandages were now a weird mix of bright pink with brown smudges because of the blood stains.

Amen: Oh mighty fuck… They're gonna kill me.

The Pharaoh was now very nervous. To avoid getting the same results on the remaining clothes, he washed them one by one in the bathroom's sink. He then placed them on the clothesline in the garden. But there weren't enough pins. Exasperated, he secured all the remainder by tying the sleeves into a knot.

Sometime later, Amen had taken all the dried clothes and had sorted them. He was now going to every room to give back the clothes, ignoring the dyed ones. When he saw OX hurting himself with a needle, he let out a loud laugh. The Hellbull threw him a death glare.
His work finally done, he threw himself on his bed.

Amen: Hella must be a superhero or something, this is the toughest day I've ever lived.

He fell asleep soon after.


The Hellbull was in his room, with Mana's coat lying on the bed, his own and a few socks too, and Hella's sewing kit. It was true, all the needles were far too small for his fingers. However, with lots of patience and many tries, he managed to put the thread in the needle's hole. He began to sew back the leather straps on Mana's coat, and after a few stitches he felt comfortable with it.

OX: It's not that tricky after all.

When he's done, he did a little knot and cut out the thread with his teeth. He looked upon his work, and he was quite proud of it for a first time. OX tried to fold it in order to store it, but it was like Mana's coat was glued on the bed. He then realized: he had sewed the coat with his bed's coverlet! He facepalmed. He took a pair of scissors and relunctantly cut all the seams he'd made. He was ready now to re-do everything, but the needle was nowhere to be seen. When he sat down on his bed again, he let out a loud scream. Now he knew where it was…

OX: Damn needle!

He picked the needle up and stabbed it in the pin cushion. He heard someone laugh, it was Amen holding his clothes. The mummy put the clothes in the wardrobe and left with the same smile printed on his face.

OX: You fucking prick!

The Hellbull promised himself he would sting the Mummy's butt with this needle later. For now he finished sewing everything, and stored it in place. He then made his way to the garden, not forgetting to bring with him some meat. Their garden was indeed very special, there were carnivorous plants everywhere. One of them especially was massive, they had named it "Kita" because of its teeth looking leaves. Kita himself was very proud of this plant.
OX fed all the plants and then left, however at the last moment some vines encircled his ankles. They dragged him to the Kita plant, and then the Hellbull felt himself being lifted from the ground, just above it. He was meant to be eaten by the plant.

OX: Bad Kita! Bad! Put me down at once!

He roared at the plant, which released him. OX left the garden, angry and tired, swearing at Lordi. When he came to the house, he walked past Amen's room, and he saw him sleeping. A wicked smile drew on OX's face as he went on searching for a needle in the sewing kit…

Mana's POV:

Feeling his stomach empty, the Minister of Sinister took the only cooking book they have and looked at the pages. Every recipe was tempting, but Hella's threat had been put in execution: there was almost nothing in the fridge and in the cupboards. Mana stopped at one page and looked at it with hungry eyes.

Mana: Human meat shepherd's pie, that sounds delicious.

He began to search for all the ingredients he needed for this recipe. He easily, and surprisingly, found human meet and spices, at least Hella had been kind enough to leave these. But he soon realized they were out of potatoes and onions. It was too late to go to the supermarket, and since he couldn't be bothered to put on his human disguise, he searched everywhere for any leftovers or canned food they'd forgotten about at the bottom of the cupboards. He found a jar, which contained homemade brain mash. He decided to use it instead of potatoes, and he also added a little bit of the blood that was left in the fridge. He fried the meat and put it in a baking dish, along with the brain mash and blood. He placed it in the oven and turned the thermostat on to an even number. While the dish was cooking, Mana put all the cookware in the dishwasher. He remembered that pans are meant to be washed by hand. He did so with a rough sponge. When he's done, he saw that the bottom of the pan was all scratched.

Mana: Ooops. I hope she won't notice.

He stored everything in place and went to the living room, which was surprisingly clean and well arranged.

Mana: Wow, Lordi-Miau did a good job.

He turned the radio on and sat on the sofa.

Mr Lordi's POV:

The Lord on his side was cleaning the bathroom, and he was exhausted. Hella was supposed to come back in less than a few hours, but he was determinated to prove her wrong. He'd been scrubbing the room for a while now, swearing about Hella, the other monsters, and about those hairs in the drains. Errk.

Mr Lordi: This is humiliating…

He realized for a moment how his Doll friend was spending her day to. It was true: it's humiliating, especially when the other persons are doing nothing to help. Though he may be the worst monster of them all, he promised himself he would try to help Hella in the future.
The bathroom was the last room he had to clean. He already did every other room in the house, and even found some interesting things. For example he found out that Mana was sleeping with a nice collection of cat plushes, and that OX had some very special readings hidden under his bed. He knew the Hellbull wasn't that innocent… In Amen's room he found that his friend had a thing for poetry (there was a lot of notebooks full of poems under the bed). He didn't dare to go in Hella's room.

Finally, the bathroom was shining clean. The Lord went to his own room, and reached for paint in a drawer. He stood in front of his unfinished paint of a woman with white eyes, holding a skull with spikes. He relaxed as he began to paint.

And then, he smelled something burnt.

Mr Lordi: Mana, is that our fucking dinner burning?

Mana's POV:

Mana: Oh no! No! No! No!

He ran as fast as he could to the kitchen, only to see black smoke coming from the oven. He quickly removed the dish from it, and sighed at the sight of the burnt pie. It was coal black and smelled weird. The Pastor was disappointed, he tried his best to offer his friends a good meal. There was no food left in the kitchen, they'd have to eat the pie anyway.

Mr Lordi: Mana? What the hell is going on?
OX: What's that smoke?
Mana: Guys! Dinner is served…

They all sat around the table as Mana brought the burnt pie. They all looked at each other while Mana was filling their plates, and they sighed. They all seemed awfully tired and they were waiting for one single person.

Past midnight, Hella came home with bags full of clothes, and her blood stained axe attached to her belt. She saw the boys asleep on the sofa and couldn't hold back a little laugh when she saw that they were watching My Little Pony on the TV. They may be adult monsters, they were still children in their minds sometimes.

Hella: Oh… Aren't they lovely when they're sleeping?

She looked around her and saw that the room was impeccable. Everything was at its rightful place, there were neither more dirty clothes nor dirty dishes, and the boys had even cleaned up their rooms. She'd never seen the house that perfect. When she came back to the living room, she noticed with surprise that they even managed to sew their coats back themselves, and she admitted they did a great job. Perhaps they won the bet after all, she did not see any flaws.
They woke up soon after she'd spoken. They all rushed to her and hugged her, well, except Mr Lordi.

OX: We're so sorry Hella!
Amen: We didn't realize how hard it was for you.
Mana: We love you Hella-Miau!
Hella: I love you too my adorable monsters. How about you Lordi? How was the day?

They all turned their heads to him, as he was still on the sofa. He glared at them with blood injected eyes, admitting his defeat.

Mr Lordi: Exhausting, toilsome, grueling and every other synonym you want.
Hella: That means I won the bet?
Mr Lordi: You won it, and I always keep my promises. We'll do everything you want for a month.
Hella: Thank you, now you know how hard it is to take care of the house and all its inhabitants. All I want from you is just a little help with the chores every day.
Boys: Promise!
Hella: I acknowledge you did very well today, everything seems perfect. By the way, who did sew the coats back?
OX: I did.
Hella: This is very well done, you should do it more often
Amen: No way. His new hobby is to sting my ass with those needles!
OX: You deserved it.
Hella: I see you had also a little fun. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna store my new clothes.

A few moments later the monsters heard Hella scream. She came in the living room holding one of her overalls, half dyed in an awful reddish color.

Hella: Who did the damn laundry?!

The Mummy hid behind the massive frame of the Minotaur.

Amen: Guys, help me! I'm so dead...


Mr Lordi: You've been too harsh on him.
OX: Noooo. He just had what he deserved. Hadn't he, dear Hella?
Hella: You're right OX. That will teach him a good lesson.
Mr Lordi: Where is he anyway?

The Minotaur let out a deep chuckle.

OX: Last time I saw him, he was still glued to his mattress.
Hella: What a brilliant idea you had, dear Hellbull…

They both clinked glasses as the Mummy entered the room. They almost died of laughter when they saw him. As revenge, OX and Hella had wonderful ideas indeed: OX, with his new sewing skills, sewed the bandages and the rotten skin of the Pharaoh to the sheets and the mattress while he was sleeping. Meanwhile Hella took all the white bandages and dyed them bright pink and various other girly colors. When he woke up, Amen was literally glued to his bed, and he took him a few hours to get out of this, with fewer damages possible. He cursed both the Doll and the Hellbull when he saw his dyed clothes. He was standing now before them, wrapped in pink bandages, clashing immensely with his high and mighty golden accessories. They were truly laughing now, and Amen threw them a death glare. Never make a Mummy angry…

Amen: I hate you both, you sick bastards!