Chapter 1: The One with Namjoon’s Denial
namjoon is good, please be nice
Kim Namjoon feels like a plant as he lies on the carpeted floor of his apartment.
The lights are too harsh from this angle and his ceiling feels closer now more than ever. He hears the giggles all around the room the harder he tries to ignore them. He closes his eyes.
Namjoon, after much thinking and a considerable amount of soul searching, feels like a spider plant nearing the end of its short span. He learned how some succulents are able to live a long healthy life without much sun or supervision in a botany class he took as an elective his third year— then there’s Namjoon on the floor wishing he could somehow ascend to space and never come back.
He’s not even a decent spider plant, thinking about it now, he sees himself living inside a college dorm surrounded by pizza boxes, empty plastic water bottles, and stained socks. He’s thought about this a normal amount.
Namjoon doesn’t usually feel like this, he doesn’t, but—
But, he’s just had the worst day of his entire life and that clearly says a lot because he’s had quite a lot of horrible ones.
There was freshman year when his date stood him up so he cried until Yoongi found the guy and Seokjin egged his car. There was sophomore year when he forgot he had a final and went fishing with Hoseok instead. There was junior year when Taehyung spilled fruit punch on his white shirt right before he had to go up and receive some fancy award.
Now there’s this:
Date? Tuesday, October 4, 2019. Location? Namjoon’s shared office space. Exposition? Namjoon’s coworker decided to spring some confusing information on him while Namjoon went to pack his stuff away.
It wouldn’t have been breaking news but it was because apparently people knew things about him that he didn’t.
“Wait,” Seokjin, somehow, manages to yell out through his ongoing fit of laughter. He holds out a hand to stop Namjoon’s story that entails dramatic pauses, “Jackson?” he pauses to laugh again and Namjoon doesn’t know if it’s the name or Seokjin’s laugh that makes him inwardly cringe.
Seokjin is laughing like if Namjoon just told the funniest joke ever, he can’t even finish his sentence. It’s deafening as it makes its way around the apartment and permanently drills itself into Namjoon’s brain. Seokjin’s laugh instantly setting off warnings within him after being teased for so long.
Namjoon feels like he’s in that popular American show, right when one of the characters turns to one of the cameras after another character does something incredibly dumb. He remembers seeing that show in one of his English classes.
“Hyung,” Namjoon starts and both Yoongi and Hoseok turn to look at him, “please tell him to stop.”
“Jin- hyung, please let Namjoon continue his story,” Hoseok says as he lets out a small giggle and the only thing Namjoon can do is glare.
Namjoon will die because Seokjin won’t stop laughing and his two boyfriends aren’t doing much to stop him from going berserk.
“Continue, Namjoonie,” Yoongi mutters through a tiny smile on his lips now that Seokjin is catching his breath from laughing too hard.
Namjoon sits up for this, “well, before I was rudely interrupted by the sound of loud, disastrous noise.” He shoots daggers at Seokjin, “I was saying how Jackson—” Namjoon is interrupted by Yoongi now.
“Wait, Jackson Wang? The one that—”
“The one that throws the parties?” Hoseok asks.
Namjoon feels like a spider plant that has not been fed in a while and lives in a shitty dorm because of this. He’s about to die in the hands of his hyungs who seem to think Namjoon is simply being overly dramatic.
It’s not about what happened or how Jackson went about it. He knows Jackson Wang. Jackson is an old friend that somehow got the same job as a TA in the program Namjoon was in. They get along nicely.
So, Jackson is not the problem in this story— it’s what came out of Jackson’s mouth. It’s how, somehow, relationships came up in their conversation and how Jackson made a quick comment. Any normal person would have let it go, wouldn’t have thought about for another second but Namjoon is the king of overthinking, he’s prone to it like a moth to a light bulb. It’s inevitable when it’s the only thing he’s been doing since out of the womb.
“No fucking way,” Hoseok begins as he brings a hand up to his gaping mouth to cover it. It’s sort of like a pattern, Hoseok does it and his boyfriends follow right after. They’re staring at Namjoon like he’s an animal at the zoo.
“He thought I had a boyfriend,” Namjoon recalls from the conversation and wants to hide in a hole. He covers his face instead because if he can’t dissipate in this instant then he can at least cover his eyes from Seokjin’s Look.
He doesn’t even know where to begin, doesn’t even want to say it out loud. He feels utterly exhausted, sort of like if he’s hiking up a mountain and there’s still a long way to go and he didn’t bring the right shoes.
His three hyungs, after laughing and talking their heads off while Namjoon explained his massive problem, are quiet now and Namjoon doesn’t like it.
“Yeah, that’s,” Yoongi pauses to look at Seokjin and Hoseok as if asking for support, “that’s a valid comment,” he remarks calmly. He doesn’t react the way Namjoon thought he would. He expected Yoongi to at least raise his eyebrows and pretend to act surprised.
Namjoon doesn’t think it was a valid comment at all, it was weird if anything, so Yoongi isn’t helping with his calm posture and sleepy eyes.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Namjoon announces to the three boys in front of him, setting his foot down, he sounds flustered as he says this and kind of regrets sounding so defensive now that Seokjin sees how bothered Namjoon is. Seokjin clearly knows the power he has.
Namjoon hears Yoongi sigh loudly.
“So, what did you say when he confessed to you?” Seokjin asks, ignoring Namjoon’s declaration of solitary, he’s on the verge of tears now. It’s worrying Namjoon. Is this normal? Should his hyung be laughing this hard over something like this?
“I didn’t say anything.”
Seokjin breaks out in laughter again and Namjoon side-eyes him. He decides to continue, “I thought he was joking so I just agreed with him but as soon as the conversation finished I booked it out of there.”
“I can’t believe you gay panicked and ran, holy shit.” Seokjin is wiping his pretend tears as small chuckles escape his mouth. Hyung is teasing him and Namjoon can’t do much.
“I did not panic,” Namjoon defends himself through red cheeks, he needs to make it clear. Namjoon only slightly jumped at the mention of the b word.
“But you gayed.”
"That's not a word."
"Yes, it is. You did exactly that."
“I did not gay, I’m just so confused about all of this.” Namjoon groans as he lies back on the floor of their dingy living room.
Kim Namjoon is a dead spider plant.
“Breaking news, Namjoon is gay and a plant.” Seokjin pretends to hold a microphone as he narrates the ongoing scene.
“Hyung,” Namjoon whines because he’s allowed to.
“What do you want hyung to do? It’s not my fault you only have one boyfriend while I have two,” Seokjin teases, he stretches over Yoongi and Hoseok with a smile.
“Hyung,” Namjoon whines again because that’s the only thing he can do. He can’t seem to do anything else but that, not when his world has come to a halt.
Yoongi speaks up this time, “Namjoon-ah, you useless gay, Jackson only came to this conclusion after much observation,” he informs Namjoon gently as Seokjin pets his head.
“Observation from what?” Namjoon sits up again.
And there’s a pregnant pause stretched around the room, blanketing Namjoon up to his head. The three hyungs sitting across from Namjoon, on his tiny pull-out couch they once bought at a garage sale, look at each other as if hiding a secret they only know about.
“Joonie, I think Jackson was talking about—” Hoseok is interrupted by Seokjin’s loud cough booming through the room.
Hoseok looks at Seokjin and furrows his eyebrows, he tries to continue, “Jackson was talking about—” and Seokjin coughs again, louder.
“What are you doing? I’m trying to tell Namjoon that Jackson thought he was dating J—” Hoseok looks confused before Seokjin interrupts him again with the same fake cough.
Namjoon realizes he went to the wrong people for this. His hyungs can’t help him with something like this, not when they’re practically old, married and seem to be playing some soulmate trick on him.
Seokjin gathers his boyfriends up with a hand gesture and quickly whispers something to them. Namjoon’s leg jumps up and down the longer he hears Seokjin’s incoherent whispers, probably planning his death while he’s only a foot away.
Seokjin then turns back to Namjoon, delicately places one hand on his knee, “so, you’re seeing someone,” He says it softly, kind of like a doctor would when they’re breaking the news to a patient about an incurable sickness found within them.
Namjoon, a master in patience and everything calm, almost flips the small table near the living room.
“Hyung.” Namjoon glares at the broad man in front of him.
“Are you sure you’re not, at least?” Seokjin asks slowly, eyeing Namjoon, an eyebrow raised, before turning to make eye contact with Yoongi and Hoseok again. He’s milking this out, enjoying every second that has Namjoon wincing and whining.
Namjoon wonders if Seokjin is expecting some kind of right answer from him.
“Yeah, I think I would know if I was,” Namjoon responds and hopes that’s what Seokjin is searching for.
“It took me a while to realize that Yoongi and Hoseok were flirting with me, you know,” Seokjin comments, he looks at the boys beside him as if reminiscing everything they went through in those few seconds.
“Joonie,” Hoseok speaks up, scooting closer to him, “have you thought about it?” He places his hand on Namjoon’s knee.
There’s another beat of quietness crashing through the room, hitting Namjoon hard.
And Namjoon thinks about it, he does, but nothing comes up. There’s nothing to talk about when he can’t even remember most of the things in his life, like what he wore yesterday or his glasses, the ones perched at the top of his head most of the time. He feels out of the loop on something he should know but hasn’t had the time to figure out.
“Yes.” Namjoon glares as he removes Hoseok’s hand.
“Okay, well, is there anyone you cuddle with?” Yoongi begins, watching him with that look he wears that makes Namjoon squirm in his seat.
“Anyone you share clothes with?” Hoseok continues right after, looking at him and looking at him and Looking at Him.
He feels like his head is about to explode from all the deep thinking they’re making him do. It’s not supposed to be this complicated. There has to be a joke in here somewhere.
“I have to go,” Namjoon mumbles instead, he doesn’t want to stay there any longer. He gets up from the floor and turns towards the door.
“Joonie.” Yoongi goes to start but Namjoon groans in response, he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Namjoon grabs his jacket from the sofa.
“Namjoon- ah, just think about it,” Seokjin says, he looks at him softly and Namjoon knows that look is reserved for his closest friends.
Namjoon knows he means well, they all do, but he doesn’t know what to think and this conversation only addled him further.
He nods without another word and goes for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To Jungkook’s,” Namjoon replies easily before he steps out of his apartment and quickly gets hit with the cold air.
On most days, Namjoon takes the bus over but today he decides to walk it. It’s not a long walk, only about twenty minutes if he’s in his thoughts and fifteen if he’s extra excited to see Jungkook.
He thinks back to the conversation with Jackson now that he’s alone.
“Done for the day?” Jackson asks as he places graded papers in his backpack. Namjoon is doing the same thing on the other side of the room.
Namjoon knows he’s trying to make conversation before he leaves for the day, he does this every time they’re working together. He doesn’t mind though, Jackson is nice and respectful when it comes to getting their work done and talking to the students who come for help.
“Yeah, I’m about to head home,” Namjoon answers with a kind smile, gathering the last remaining items on his desk.
“To see your boyfriend, right?” Jackson asks again with a friendly smile as he grabs his backpack and swings it over his back.
There’s no malice in his voice, it was a simple question asked by a friend and maybe that’s why Namjoon realizes a bit too late, “yeah!” he replies and then proceeds to chuckle a bit.
He continues to put his laptop in his backpack before he finally backtracks on Jackson’s question, “wait, what?”
Jackson laughs it off, probably thinking Namjoon was trying to be funny.
Namjoon flounders like a fish out of water— he stutters, he pauses, he panics, “wait, I— you—” he doesn’t know where to begin. He’s drowning but he’s a fish so it doesn't make sense but that’s exactly how he’s feeling now as he tries to say something.
“Have a great day,” Jackson says with a wave as he leaves out the door. He leaves Namjoon to splash around the water, not even a stretched hand to help him out.
It stays in his head until his feet have walked him right up to Jungkook’s apartment. He grabs the spare key that he carries around with his and quickly unlocks the front door to let himself inside.
“What if we were having sex?” Taehyung first speaks up as soon as Namjoon removes his jacket to hang by the front door.
“Then I’d have to remove my eyeballs from their sockets,” Namjoon responds as he also takes off his shoes before walking any further.
He hears Jimin laugh, “hyungie, you’re here earlier,” Jimin says from the kitchen.
“Yeah, I came to see you all.” Namjoon lies badly, he walks over to where Taehyung is currently eating cereal while Jimin watches him.
Taehyung pouts, “hyung, we all know that’s a lie, Jungkook is in his room sleeping.”
Namjoon’s cheeks reddened at the fact that they know where he goes most of the time.
“Thanks, Taehyungie,” he calls as he pets Jimin’s head.
He leaves them to talk and quickly beelines towards Jungkook’s room. He feels his heart do little thrums but it doesn’t come as a surprise because he’s always felt that when it comes to Jungkook.
He knocks lightly before stepping into the room. The lights are off so Namjoon already knows Jungkook is napping before his five o’clock class. The lights aren’t what give it away though, Namjoon has kept Jungkook’s routine memorized for as long as he’s known him. For as long as Jungkook has made himself a home near Namjoon.
Namjoon doesn’t want to disturb him, he knows how grumpy Jungkook can get if he’s woken up before it’s time. He also knows how lost Jungkook looks every time he wakes up from naps, staring off into the air as he tries to remember what decade he’s in. Instead, he gently climbs into the bed where the boy, who makes everything bleed in soft yellows and faint pinks, sleeps.
He wraps his arms around him and as if inclined to, Jungkook moves around— searching, looking, and finding him. Jungkook scoots closer until his back is flush against Namjoon’s chest, until maybe they become one.
Almost as if he looks for Namjoon, even in his sleep.
Namjoon smiles and closes his eyes, wrapping this boy up in his arms and sleeping until whatever wracking his brain disappears.
Something poking at Namjooon’s cheek is what eventually wakes him up from the nap. He feels it again on the other and he realizes it’s a finger continuously prodding at one dimple and then moving back to the other.
Namjoon lets out a tired groan and tries to swat the hand away from his face. He hears someone let out a giggle above him, there’s shuffling around the bed.
“You know, it’s kind of rude that you didn’t wake me up when you came in.”
He smiles softly when he realizes it’s Jungkook shoving him lightly.
Namjoon stretches like a cat and lets out a yawn before he speaks, “didn’t want to wake you up, you looked really comfy cuddling my arm.”
“I could’ve lived, plus I only have a few hours with you before I have to go to class,” Jungkook whines and Namjoon doesn’t even have to look at him to see that he’s pouting like some hyper puppy wanting to go out and play.
Namjoon finally opens his eyes to look at Jungkook. He looks lovely, his eyes are puffy from the bottom after waking up from sleep and his cheeks look bigger now as he pouts his way through this conversation. His hair is a bit messy on the side and Namjoon can’t help but reach out to trace the scar on his left cheek.
“Well then, come here.” Namjoon smiles as he grabs Jungkook’s waist and hugs him like a child who just won a teddy bear at a carnival would.
Jungkook squeals and tries to get out of Namjoon’s tight grip but Namjoon doesn’t budge. He likes how Jungkook is completely capable of tearing away from his embrace but doesn’t try to, instead he struggles.
“Hyung, I have to go soon,” Jungkook says through a bubbly laugh. Namjoon relishes in this small moment as he holds Jungkook in his arms. He’s warm and he smells of light detergent mixed with the sweet pea lotion he likes to use, there’s a tinge of Namjoon’s cream in there too.
“I know,” Namjoon whispers out like it’s some secret before he finally lets him go.
Jungkook quickly gets up from where he was just in case Namjoon tries to do anything else. Namjoon watches Jungkook check him out before a small smile blooms on his face.
“What?” Namjoon asks, a sudden rush of shyness hitting him instantly as he falls under Jungkook’s heavy gaze.
“I like your hoodie,” Jungkook comments, he gets closer to tug on the end of it. It’s the Puma brand one Jungkook always wears around Namjoon’s apartment.
“You left it at mine last month, I think,” Namjoon recalls as he looks down to smooth out all the wrinkles on it.
“I think it looks better on you than on me,” Jungkook says and Namjoon throws back his head to laugh at Jungkook’s words. It makes Jungkook’s smile brighten.
They stare at each other for a bit more and Namjoon feels a bit like honey as he watches this boy, he oozes and melts and softens down to his very core.
“What time is it?” Jungkook asks, Namjoon watches him walk over to grab his backpack from the chair by the desk.
Namjoon reaches for his phone and unlocks it, “it’s four twenty-four.”
“I should get going.” Jungkook grabs his keys. “You walk me out?” He asks with beaming eyes and his big shiny nose. Namjoon smiles at him.
Namjoon thinks it’s pretty rude that he always uses them to get what he wants. He places his phone back.
“Yeah.” Namjoon nods as he sits up and follows Jungkook out the bedroom door.
Namjoon still doesn’t know how he’s able to fall for those round eyes every single time he asks for things.
They reach the living room to find Taehyung and Jimin cuddling as they watch a show.
“Hi, hyungs.” Jungkook waves at them as he goes for his shoes by the door.
“You’re leaving already?” Taehyung asks as he cuddles up to Jimin’s side.
“Yeah, want to get there earlier to ask questions,” Jungkook answers, finally placing his shoes on correctly.
“Have fun and be safe, then,” Jimin says this time as he turns to eye at them both before he looks back at the television.
Namjoon watches Jungkook turn back to him and his hair is sprouting out like little plants in a garden— it’s adorable and Namjoon wishes he had more time with him. Namjoon reaches up to comb through Jungkook’s hair and Jungkook only moves closer, enjoying the touches he’s receiving.
“Are you leaving after this?” Jungkook asks with a small smile on his face.
“Yeah in a bit, will probably talk to Jimin and Tae before I leave,” Namjoon answers and smiles back at him.
“Okay, will I see you tomorrow?” Jungkook asks again with the same big hopeful eyes.
Not fair, Namjoon thinks.
“Yeah, after my stats class,” Namjoon says, a promise almost.
Jungkook nods with a small smile and goes to open the door, he grips his backpack tighter.
“Here, take my jacket, it’s getting cold out,” Namjoon offers as turns to grab the jacket he had came in with. Doesn’t mind giving it away to Jungkook since he came in with the hoodie too.
Jungkook doesn’t fuss much as he grabs it without another word and holds it tightly in his hands. He enjoys wearing Namjoon’s clothing, at least that’s what he tells Namjoon.
“Okay, hyung. See you tomorrow,” Jungkook says, a gentle promise from his side too.
This is Namjoon’s favorite part. Here’s how it goes:
Jungkook looks at him with his Eyes, there’s a sparkle in there somewhere swimming around in colors. Jungkook blinks once before he leans into Namjoon, his eyes closed and his pretty eyelashes brushing over his soft skin. His gentle lips hover over Namjoon’s for second before they’re pressed against his. Jungkook kisses him with eagerness, every time their lips have met in the middle there’s always so much excitement flourishing through him and Namjoon says this because he can practically see it bouncing off of him. He feels Jungkook smile through it and it makes Namjoon smile too.
Namjoon pulls back from it because he thinks it’s cute how Jungkook chases after his lips. They stare at each other for a beat and then Jungkook is kissing him once more before he’s leaving for his afternoon class.
Namjoon smiles as he waits for Jungkook to leave and then closes the front door. He turns back to Jimin and Taehyung and sees that they’re both staring at him with a sort of look in their eyes.
“I should get going,” Namjoon comments as he smiles to himself, he goes to say goodbye to the two younger boys sitting on the sofa, “be good, okay?” He runs his hands through their hair before he turns to grab his shoes from the entrance.
“Bye, hyung,” Taehyung chimes.
“Be safe, Namjoonie- hyung,” Jimin says for the both of them.
Namjoon waves at them before he’s gone too. He walks and walks with thoughts too big for him until he finally makes it home.
Namjoon thinks the world is out to get him.
Maybe he accidentally stepped on a bug on his way to class or something because now whatever was chasing after him a few weeks ago has followed him to his classes.
The amusing thing about it all, and what Namjoon can’t seem to understand, is how it still catches him by surprise the second time it happens.
Namjoon has spent most of his college life around Taehyung and Seokjin long enough to learn what pranks and surprises are. There was Christmas when Taehyung and Seokjin decided it was nice to throw a raccoon into the apartment while Namjoon was sleeping. There was the second Thanksgiving spent together when they decided to hide random clocks around the house set to ring at six in the morning. He knows all the tricks up their sleeves— but this, whatever funny thing fate is enjoying throwing his way, he is not prepared for it at all.
The worst part is that he’s the only one to stumble and trip on his words as his eyes widen in surprise.
He’s in the middle of his creative writing lecture when a friend reaches over to whisper out, “tell your boyfriend I said hello, I saw him at the library two days ago but I was too busy to go up to him.”
Namjoon freezes in his seat and feels his blood run cold. He stops writing the prompt the professor had given them in the beginning of the lecture and doesn’t think he can turn back to look at his friend. Freezes like an animal in front of a car, instead or running forwards, you know, to the other side, he runs back into whatever mess waits for him there.
Namjoon thinks, he thinks and Thinks.
The remainder of the class passes in agonizing slow seconds. Pen hits paper when he’s told to write but Namjoon can’t seem to properly concentrate. He feels almost like a statue stuck in the middle of this trivial class.
Tell your boyfriend I said hello.
Is Namjoon somehow sleepwalking out of his apartment and picking up random men from a bar? Is this what his life has come to? Namjoon thinks but nothing comes up, can’t seem to pinpoint why people would think he’d be dating someone when he hasn’t done anything to show it.
The professor soon dismisses everyone and the only way Namjoon finds out is because his professor lets out an awkward cough.
Namjoon blushes, apologizes, and quickly runs off— anywhere but his house. He knows if he heads back, Seokjin won’t stop until Namjoon is deep into his mind and on the verge of exploding. Seokjin, the bad cop, would interrogate him until the sun disappeared for the day. Yoongi, the good cop, would probably let him. Hoseok, the boyfriend to both cops, would probably not care.
Namjoon speed walks to the only other house he feels safe when he can’t go back to his.
“Why are you panting? Did Jungkook text you that he’s back because that’s a lie, it’s just Tae and me” Jimin looks at him up and down with a judgey stare as he watches Namjoon’s hair stick to his forehead.
Namjoon probably looks like he just ran from across the world as he stands in the middle of their kitchen with wide eyes but he can’t even begin to worry about that.
“Jimin,” he starts and his voice sounds funny, he knows this because Jimin’s eyebrows furrow in worry, Namjoon turns to Taehyung, “Tae,” he says, hoping to have their full attention.
“Hyung, are you okay? What happened?”
“Do you want us to call Jungkook or hyungs?” Taehyung asks now once he realizes that Namjoon is going through something.
Namjoon can’t seem to focus on anything else but the comment that brought him right where he stands. There’s sweat clinging to him like a second skin but he feels like there’s more important things to worry about.
He wants to shout until he no longer can. He wishes someone will reveal this hidden secret, the eighth wonder of the world, in big giant bold letters— is Kim Namjoon dating someone? If so, then who? He wants to make millions of flyers that read: lost boyfriend, return to Namjoon if found and place them all around South Korea. That would definitely make the search for him and everyone a bit easier.
Taehyung and Jimin stare at him with quizzical looks plastered on their faces. He feels like a stranger within his skin as they stare at him like that, just how hyungs were staring at him the first time.
“Joonie- hyung,” Taehyung begins for both of them.
“Did something happen?” Jimin asks as he places the mug in his hands down on the counter, he reaches over and grabs Namjoon’s hand. Namjoon lets Jimin lead them towards the sofa so he can at least have his breakdown while he sits. Namjoon breathes in before he begins.
“I was in my creative writing class earlier today and a friend of mine—”
“Vernon, or which one?”
“Yes, him,” he breathes out and it sounds weird, “he thought,” he pauses, too afraid to say it because when he does, it becomes real— something out in the open for others to see. It’s already twice he’s come to someone with the same problem, “he thought I had a boyfriend,” Namjoon explains with big eyes and he feels his cheeks redden as the seconds' pass.
Taehyung and Jimin do the same thing his roommates did back at home when he first revealed to them the reason behind his horrible day. They look at each other for a moment before looking at Namjoon with small smiles playing at their lips.
“Namjoonie, what do you mean?” Jimin asks slowly, wanting clarification and Namjoon gets it but the smile playing at Jimin’s lips doesn’t sit right with him. He knows something and yeah Jimin usually knows everything about everyone because he’s a Libra but he knows Something Namjoon doesn’t.
“Did Jin- hyung put you up to this?” Namjoon accuses without thinking, looking a bit astray as he stares between Jimin and Taehyung with a crazy look in his eyes.
“You’re avoiding the question, Joonie,” Jimin points out and he’s right, Namjoon is avoiding the question because he has no idea how to answer it when he doesn’t know himself. Because something is going on and he doesn’t know what it is. Because, because, because—
“Vernon,” he begins again.
“The friend in your class,” Taehyung adds for clarification. Namjoon nods.
“He—” Namjoon doesn’t know where to begin… again. “He said he saw my boyfriend at the library,” Namjoon explains slowly.
“So,” Jimin starts once Namjoon finishes, “Vernon said he saw him at the library?” And he looks too calm for Namjoon’s liking. Jimin is never calm when it comes to gossip or drama or Anything.
Namjoon nods in agreement, mouth now a bit dry.
Jimin stares at him and it looks like he wants to laugh, "Joonie- hyung, you fool," he says under his breath and Namjoon pouts.
“Joonie, are you seeing someone?” It’s Taehyung’s turn to ask questions that Namjoon doesn’t enjoy thinking about, he’s never had to until now. Namjoon huffs, Taehyung knows he’s not dating anyone. It’s all silly, they’ve known him for a long while and probably know him better than he knows himself.
He took a course called History Life his freshman year, an ongoing lecture on the creation of life and how it’s made. He learned about the six core chemical elements needed to function. Abbreviated, they spell out CHNOPS— six words, six things. He likes to think that his friends, all six of them, are his reason to function. He refers back to college a lot but this is where he met them all, this is where he thinks his life began.
“I think my head is about to explode.” He isn’t lying as he says it. One more incessant question and he’ll be a million little pieces around the room.
“Well, is there anyone you like to kiss often?” Jimin asks, eyeing him quite literally.
“Or anyone you go on dates with?” Taehyung looks at him with his big damn eyes, like a gentle tiger peering back at him.
“No and no,” Namjoon groans, “I’ve already been through this test with Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok. I thought you all would handle this differently.” Namjoon lies his head back on the couch and lets out a dramatic sigh. There’s nothing major going on, it’s just someone going around dating Namjoon without telling him.
“We are different!” Jimin defends himself.
“We’re not Seokjin- hyung,” Taehyung answers. And okay that’s valid because they aren’t.
“I’m sorry, these past few weeks have been so confusing for me.” Namjoon pauses to exhale, “I’m sure I’m just overreacting.” He goes to rub his face with both hands and hopes to scrub all the bad thoughts written on his face away.
“I’m sure hyungs have said the same thing but.” Taehyung looks at him gently, “think about it Namjoon- hyung,” Taehyung’s words sound soft as he talks, not wanting to scare Namjoon any further.
“But don’t think about it too much, okay?” Jimin adds, making it clear with a raise of an eyebrow that he’s being serious. Their weird soulmate connection working beautifully in front of Namjoon.
Namjoon wishes it was that easy, he wishes he didn't have to overthink everything in his life, so as Jimin says not to overthink this, it almost seems laughable.
Namjoon doesn’t know what else to say so he stays quiet for some time. He feels like he’ll say the wrong thing and that’ll have him going through another lecture.
“Jungkook is almost out,” Jimin offers as he eyes the time on his big phone. He looks back at Namjoon with a smile.
“I know,” Namjoon replies without realizing, a small smile spreads on his lips at the thought of Jungkook finally coming back after a long day.
“I know you know,” Jimin sounds suspicious as he says it but Namjoon is too tired to think about Jimin and his slytherin brain.
“What do you all plan on doing for the rest of the day?”
“Considering I haven’t seen Jungkook all day since he’s been working, we’ll probably just relax here,” Namjoon replies and it’s true, Jungkook’s busiest days are when he has work and work is every other day.
“Makes sense.” Jimin nods, yawning and stretching his hands out like a cat to get Taehyung’s attention.
Namjoon smiles before he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.
Jungkookie: i'm at the store now, do we need anything at home?
Namjoon: let me check w the kids brb
Namjoon looks up from his phone to Taehyung and Jimin cuddling.
“Do you all need anything from the store?”
“Depends,” Taehyung begins, leaning over to grab the control from the center, “for meals or for getting shit-faced?”
Namjoon: Taehyung does Not need anything.
“Kookie is asking because he’s at the store.”
“Not that I’m aware of,” Jimin mumbles out.
Namjoon: Jimin says no
Namjoon: also I checked for food yesterday and we didn’t need much. Maybe some more eggs after cooking last night
Jungkookie: [liked your message]
Jungkookie: be there in 5 mins
Namjoon: ?? physically impossible but ok
Jungkookie: [sent with love] dont doubt me or my abilities hyung
Namjoon: ah yes, my apologies. I forget u can run faster than a car and cry with every single movie u watch
Jungkook: [disliked your message]
Namjoon smiles at the messages before he looks up. He catches Jimin staring at him before he quickly looks away, there’s a hidden smile etched on his face. Namjoon decides to ignore that too, for the sake of his sanity.
“What are you going to watch?” Namjoon asks Taehyung, he goes over to sit on the loveseat beside them.
“It’s Jimin’s turn to choose and he wants to watch some Disney movie,” Taehyung answers, eyes set on the screen. Taehyung busies himself by finding the movie and finally pressing play. Namjoon gets comfortable, figuring he could watch the movie with them before Jungkook arrives.
Eventually, he hears keys jingling at the front door and like some dog being trained to salivate at the sound of a bell, he instantly smiles.
He hears the keys stop and the front door open wide.
“I come bearing eggs,” Jungkook announces to the empty hallway. Namjoon decides to stay put but remains listening to Jungkook rummage through the kitchen and set the bags on the kitchen table before walking into the living room.
“Took you long enough?” Jimin teases, staring once at Jungkook before looking back at the screen.
Taehyung looks at Jungkook and gives him a bunch of finger hearts.
Namjoon watches Jungkook smile at that before he looks down at him.
Namjoon should be used to Jungkook excitedly throwing himself at Namjoon like an overgrown puppy every time he sees him but really, he isn’t.
Namjoon makes a noise of complaint as Jungkook lands on Namjoon without much of a warning.
“Hey, you’re heavy.” Namjoon glares at him but he knows his eyes bleed nothing but softness, he pokes at Jungkook’s side.
“Just yesterday you called me a spaghetti noodle,” Jungkook replies as he fixes himself on Namjoon’s arms and smiles.
“That’s true, a noodle with the weight of a car,” Namjoon says easily, letting the boy make himself comfortable.
“Because that makes perfect sense,” Jungkook says and bursts into giggles, moving around Namjoon’s lap simply to be a brat and to rile Namjoon up.
“How was class?” Jungkook asks as his giggles turn into small chuckles, he watches Namjoon with big eyes like he always does.
“Same old, writing and stats,” Namjoon smiles as he says it, too busy watching the way Jungkook also wears a smile of his own.
Jungkook hums before he asks, “how’s Vernon? You have him for writing, don’t you?”
And with that, Namjoon remembers the odd comment his friend had made in class.
“Yeah, him,” he pauses to think about the incident, “you’ll never believe what happened today,” Namjoon chuckles, about to begin the story of the eventful month he’s been having, “so Vernon thought—”
“Jesus, hyung, you said you’d be watching the movie with us but the only thing you’re doing is making out with Jungkookie,” Jimin whines from the other sofa. He looks like a petulant child throwing a tantrum and it makes Namjon want to laugh.
“Hyung, we were just talking,” Jungkook says first through a cackle and he’s right but Jimin likes being dramatic.
“Would you rather us make out somewhere else?” Namjoon offers, holding Jungkook closer by the waist.
Jimin groans, “yes please, anywhere but here.”
“Rude, Jiminie. After everything I’ve done for you,” Namjoon begins, “ I can’t even say hello to Jungkook.” Namjoon starts peppering Jungkook’s face with kisses now that he’s got a hard grip on him. Jungkook starts laughing as he tries getting out of Namjoon’s embrace.
“Hyung!” Jungkook squeals, finally getting up from his lap. He stands above Namjoon wearing a big dumb smile plastered on his face. Namjoon takes one look at Jungkook and a smile grows on his face.
“Hey, I was looking for that jacket this morning,” Namjoon comments, tugging at the jean jacket from where he’s at.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about, this is mine,” Jungkook jokes as he bats Namjoon’s hand away.
“Are you both finished,” Jimin whines again but there’s a hint of a smile on his face and Namjoon doesn’t know what to think of it.
“We are just getting started,” Namjoon replies, finally getting up from the sofa because of Jungkook’s unabating pulling to get up.
“Gross.” Jimin makes a face as he cuddles closer to Taehyung.
Namjoon sees Jungkook stick his tongue out at Jimin before they make it into Jungkook’s room.
Jungkook throws himself onto the bed and it makes Namjoon smile. It’s like he gets to interact with a large puppy every single day. He watches Jungkook’s hair flop around like big ears and he hopes he doesn’t cut it anytime soon.
“Hyung, I’m tired,” Jungkook groans, looking up at his ceiling fan. There’s a smile on his face but Namjoon doesn’t bring that up.
“Tired of what?” Namjoon asks, moving closer to the bed and sitting down on the edge which is the only place he can be since Jungkook is taking up all the space.
“Tired of being away from you,” Jungkook says easily as he tugs Namjoon by the shoulder, signaling him to lay down beside him on the soft bed. Jungkook’s usually needy after work and it’s always Namjoon’s favorite time.
Namjoon complies because it’s hard being away from Jungkook after being so close to him for so long. Namjoon, even now after all the years, has not gotten used to Jungkook’s big eyes and earnest comments.
And then Jungkook is reaching over, without much of a word, into Namjoon’s pocket to grab the lucky chapstick he always carries around. Namjoon watches with amusement as Jungkook rubs some all over his lips before making some kissy lips at Namjoon. He closes it and places it back into Namjoon’s pocket. Namjoon is used to this though, Jungkook is always doing that without caring if they’re in public or in private.
“That’s mine,” Namjoon chides, not doing anything else, he stares at Jungkook’s glossy lips.
“That’s why I like it.” Jungkook smiles glowingly, bunny teeth appearing for a fraction of a second.
“Get your own.” And there’s a smile on Namjoon’s lips, he can’t help it. His heart deep in his chest goes thump, thump, thump .
“No, it’s like indirect kisses, hyung.”
“You brat,” Namjoon whispers out only for Jungkook to hear. He reaches over to brush the long strands of hairs on Jungkook’s face, pushing them behind his ear which is filled with pretty dangly earrings. Jungkook loves it, he closes his eyes and breathes in slowly as Namjoon wraps a finger around a strand of hair.
Jungkook then reaches over to sniff his neck. It’s a thing he likes to do often. He says he has a sensitive nose but enjoys smelling Namjoon. Namjoon calls him a weird kid but doesn’t go to move.
“How was class?” It’s Namjoon’s turn to ask, he watches the way Jungkook’s face seems to relax even further now as they lie in bed together.
“It was—” Jungkook scoots closer to Namjoon and drapes his hand across his chest, “it was okay, classes are calmer when it isn’t finals week.”
“That’s true,” Namjoon chuckles, letting the boy above him make himself comfortable, “and how was work?”
Jungkook pauses to let out a breath of air, “work was good too, the library wasn’t that full today so there wasn’t much to do,” he finishes and looks up to smile at Namjoon and Namjoon can’t help but return it.
“Why that smile?” Namjoon asks, he gently traces over Jungkook’s bottom lip and then presses at the mole under it with his thumb. He cradles Jungkook’s cheek as if he’s something fragile. He lets himself look, even if it’s just for a couple of seconds.
“Because I’m happy.”
“Happy about what? We’re just in bed whining about school while Jimin and Tae watch some Disney movie,” Namjoon teases and Jungkook doesn’t seem to laugh or giggle.
Instead, Jungkook smiles at him softly and it reaches his eyes, “exactly.” He blinks at Namjoon languidly, sort of like a cat does when they’re feeling at ease and exuding nothing but tranquility.
Namjoon has to look away. He can’t seem to maintain eye contact because it’s too much for him.
“Hyung,” Jungkook begins and Namjoon knows he’s staring at him because he can feel it, always has.
Namjoon looks down at Jungkook and his giant eyes, “yeah?”
“We should go on a date,” he says softly, as if talking too loudly would make this moment disappear.
Namjoon smiles at that idea because it’s cute and because the cute boy asking is breathtaking— even if this moment is small and trifling.
“Okay, we can do that,” Namjoon agrees, “where?”
Jungkook’s smile seems to grow bigger as he thinks about it, “remember that one restaurant with the nice old lady that gave us the free candy when we paid?”
Namjoon laughs at that memory, “that trip was supposed to just be a walk around the block but we ended up there.”
Namjoon remembers it because the restaurant was family-owned and the parents gave them a discount because they thought Jungkook was a sweet boy. He remembers Jungkook’s smile, he remembers Jungkook’s loud laugh, he remembers, he remembers, he remembers.
“I want to go there again. The soup was amazing,” Jungkook says and maybe because he wants to see the nice lady again.
“We can do that,” Namjoon agrees with a grin.
“Tomorrow like around six,” Jungkook begins through a smile, “you can meet me here.”
“And get attacked by Jimin and Tae?” Namjoon pinches Jungkook’s side again just to watch him giggle, “the things I do for you.”
“I wonder why.” Jungkook smiles again.
This is their moment. Just for the both of them.
They smile once more.
“Tomorrow, then?” Jungkook asks as he moves closer towards Namjoon even if Namjoon doesn’t think he can move any closer. Jungkook still finds a way.
“Tomorrow is ours.” He says because Jungkook has been repeating that phrase for a while now, it has kind of stuck to him. Jungkook says it’s their thing even if he’s never explained why. He cuddles this boy until they’re sharing warmth. Namjoon doesn’t think he needs anything else when he has him.
“Today is ours too, hyung.” Jungkook closes his eyes and lets himself be the little spoon. He lets himself be hugged by Namjoon until whatever comes next.
Namjoon feels himself shake and he knows this only happens when he’s nervous or cold.
“It’s almost seventy-five degrees out, Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi states the obvious as he watches Namjoon tremble on the sofa of their apartment.
“I know that,” Namjoon defends himself but doesn’t stop his teeth from constantly chattering.
“Don’t think your body knows that, though,” Yoongi comments as he watches him for a bit more. There’s a slight smile on his lips as he says that, amusement settles on his face.
“What are you nervous about, Joonie?” Seokjin appears from the kitchen to sit beside Namjoon, he throws an arm over him. Namjoon doesn’t want to give Seokjin the time of day because Seokjin only serves to tease.
“Hyung,” Namjoon whines to Yoongi, hoping he understands what that means.
“Jinnie, Namjoon is nervous.” Yoongi says instead.
“It’s just very cold, can’t I be cold?” He grasps his jacket, gripping it tighter.
“You’re only shaky when it's cold out and when you’re nervous.” Seokjin points out like he always does, he watches the way Namjoon tries to stop his body from shaking, “and it’s warm out so...”
“That’s not true.” Is Namjoon’s only defense.
“Plus, you look all dressed up,” Seokjin begins to say as he leans back to eye Namjoon up and down, it makes Namjoon want to hide in a hole, “the bluest jeans,” pulls at them before they yank to his thigh, “nice button-up,” runs his fingers down his chest and Namjoon squirms, “and even your nice looking whistle you usually save for special occasions,” Seokjin finishes, poking at the necklace.
“Yoongi- ah, help me with the math here.” Seokjin signals Yoongi forward and Yoongi obliges, “what does one decent looking man plus a text message from Jimin saying Jungkook needed help choosing a shirt divided by teeth chattering squared with,” he stops to look at his watch, “it’s almost six equal to?” Seokjin lifts a finger and places it on his chin, wanting to look like he’s thinking. He pretends to count on the other hand.
“Help me with this one, babe,” he insists.
“Sounds like a date to me.” Yoongi answers, going along with whatever Seokjin thinks he’s doing. A mating thing probably.
“A gay date,” Seokjin corrects him, “this is a gay date and I know this because my gay calculations are correct and they’re never wrong—“ he stops to point at Namjoon, “this is a fucking gay date.”
“Please stop saying the word gay,” Namjoon whines, the nerves that were once there have vanished and he has no one to thank but Seokjin. Of course, he’ll never say that to his face.
“So it’s true, then?” Seokjin smirks.
“No.” Namjoon is quick to correct Seokjin before he gets any ideas, “Jungkook invited me to dinner and I said yes.”
Seokjin and Yoongi look at each other, look at him, and then look back at each other again.
“That’s—“ Yoongi begins but doesn’t finish it, says “okay,” instead. It looks like he wants to say more but then decided not to. Namjoon doesn’t bother with it, whatever he was going to say was probably going to end up with one of Seokjin’s lectures.
“Have fun on your invitation to dinner with Jeon Jungkook,” Seokjin sings more than anything, lets his pretty voice belt out into the room, Namjoon can’t help but glare at him.
Namjoon knows what he’s doing. He’s always known. Jungkook always plans stuff like this and not once has Seokjin ever given him shit about it.
“Oh and Namjoon,” Seokjin calls out to him before he leaves, Namjoon looks at him, “sex is also a hint towards… you know,” he waves his hand around lazily, “relationships.” He smiles, again that same smile.
Namjoon glares at him some more but he feels his cheeks heating up. He will not be having that conversation with Seokjin, of all people. He doesn’t even know what Seokjin means by it, either.
“Bring a coat, the nights get cold,” Yoongi comments without looking up from his phone. Namjoon wonders where Hoseok is for a second but then recalls him saying he was going to his dance practice.
Namjoon gives him an okay and grabs one from the hanger by the door.
“The night is dark and full of terrors, Namjooni—” Seokjin isn’t able to finish his sentence before Namjoon is slamming the door close. He takes off towards Jungkook’s apartment with Seokjin’s random comment lingering at the back of his mind.
He’s been out with Jungkook plenty of times yet the shivers never stop, they’ve been there since the very beginning. Shivers run up his back and settle in his chest like if they belong.
He remembers the first time they ever went out. When it was just them without the rest of their group.
Namjoon was terrified at first, he always is when it comes to trying new things but Jungkook was different. Different in all the good ways, he thinks back with a small smile.
The first time Namjoon stepped out of his apartment, Jungkook was waiting with flowers and blushed cheeks. When asked how he found time to get flowers, Jungkook simply said he yanked them from a garden because they reminded him of Namjoon. Pink, white, and yellow flowers delicately placed in Namjoon’s hands.
After that, everything seemed calmer. Anytime Namjoon walked anywhere with Jungkook they always held hands. It started with Jungkook, as all things do, they had been out one night when Jungkook intertwined their hands together without even hesitating or even making it awkward. Jungkook was gentle hand-holding, Jungkook was colorful flowers picked from a garden, Jungkook was everything safe.
So yes, Namjoon is having dinner with Jungkook and he is terribly cold.
He gets a message as he reaches Jungkook’s apartment building. He grabs his phone.
Jungkook: its cold out so pls dont forget a jacket
Namjoon: too late, u’ll have to provide warmth by taking off ur shirt and cuddling me like in Eclipse
Jungkook: whats eclipse
Namjoon throws his head back to laugh at the silly boy he gets to interact with every day.
Namjoon: I’m outside your apartment, u uncultured Kid
Namjoon types through a smile as he waits at the front of the door. Not even a thirty seconds pass before Jungkook is opening the door with a beaming smile on his lips.
“I’ve missed you so much.” Is the first thing Jungkook says as he throws himself on Namjoon for a hug. Jungkook grabs his face and tilts him forward to kiss him on the forehead. Namjoon closes his eyes before Jungkook finally pulls back. It lingers like a burn to a hand does.
“You saw me like two days ago,” Namjoon replies but can’t stop the giggle from escaping his lips.
“That’s not true,” Jungkook whispers and says nothing else. He smothers Namjoon some more, Jungkook’s face buried deep in Namjoon’s neck. Jungkook’s chin deep in Namjoon’s collarbone and their chests placed together. He hears Jungkook take a sniff of his shirt and Namjoon chuckles.
“Is this dinner? I’m still very hungry,” Namjoon presses, teasing the younger boy in his arms.
Jungkook is soft and maybe if Namjoon was a vampire he could survive from this warmth forever but he isn’t and this boy is clinging to him like if it’s the last time he’ll ever see him.
“Let’s go then.” Jungkook reluctantly pulls back but Namjoon’s hand doesn’t leave his back.
Jungkook plays with the keys to his car, picks up his pace only to open the door to Namjoon’s side. Namjoon smiles lightly because even if Jungkook has done it a thousand times, it all still feels the same.
Jungkook closes his door and reaches over to his side of the car as Namjoon goes for his seatbelt.
Jungkook gets in, turns on the car, and reaches for his too.
“You know, if it was warmer outside we could’ve had taken our bikes,” Namjoon says as Jungkook concentrates on reversing out into the street.
“How romantic,” Jungkook begins, “would I have sat in your lap while you biked us to the restaurant?”
Namjoon pinches his side at the comment and causes Jungkook to cackle loudly.
“Hey! I don’t know if you know but I’m driving here and I think I’m the only one in this vehicle that knows how to do that.”
Namjoon goes for his side again because it makes Jungkook laugh and Namjoon likes the way it sounds.
The moon has started to appear. It bounces off of Jungkook and it makes his skin appear a warm blue. Like if the moon has made a home inside of him. Namjoon enjoys watching the moon and maybe it’s because they have a lot in common. Both things tend to follow Jungkook anywhere.
Jungkook reaches over to hold one of Namjoon’s hands while the other stays on the steering wheel. It all seems calming. He likes how there’s faint music in the background of this small moment and just how soft Jungkook’s hand feels in his.
“How was your day?” Namjoon begins, watching the way Jungkook drives because he somehow finds that attractive too, among other Jungkook things on his list.
“Boring, mostly. Jiminie- hyung wanted us to watch this movie he found so he sat us all down,” Jungkook talks and there’s a smile on his face and it makes Namjoon smile too.
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Only a little,” Jungkook’s smile grows as he takes a glance over at Namjoon and then looks back.
“How about you?” Jungkook asks.
“I didn't do much,” except sweat over this moment now, “I probably got some grading done and bothered hyungs,” Namjoon finishes and doesn’t want to say anything else.
“You didn’t even say you were excited about this!” Jungkook accuses, he’s whining as he squeezes Namjoon’s hand a bit tighter.
“You didn’t either,” Namjoon defends himself, laughing.
“Well because it’s a bit obvious how I’m always excited when we do anything together,” he talks through pout and it makes Namjoon want to melt right into the floor.
“That’s such a lie, you menace.”
Jungkook looks at him and scoffs dramatically, “I’ll have you know I am the president of the Namjoon- hyung fan club,” he begins to raise his voice but the small chuckles spilling out of his mouth are stopping him from sounding serious, “I dedicate at least seven hours every day to Kim Namjoon.”
Namjoon can’t help but laugh at this, at the moment he gets to live through and the boy he gets to live it with, “and who’s the vice president?”
“That’s an easy one… me,” Jungkook continues as he smiles triumphantly.
“And the treasurer?”
Jungkook thinks about it before answering, “I don’t know, maybe Jimin- hyung or maybe even Hobi- hyung, that is if I don’t fight them for that spot.”
Namjoon and Jungkook laugh all through the car ride to the restaurant. Namjoon laughs until he feels like he’s about to explode and doesn’t let go of Jungkook’s hand once.
“I’m starving, by the way,” Jungkook begins, parking the car and unbuckling his seatbelt. Namjoon does the same. They reach the entrance and Jungkook holds the door open for Namjoon with a big smile. They wait until they’re seated by someone.
“You all are back so soon?” The same nice lady from last time begins, reaching them and smiling widely.
“We’ve missed you,” Jungkook replies honestly and the smile reaches his eyes before it reaches anything else.
“Well, I’m here now so let’s sit you, sweet boys, down,” she says as she guides them to a booth.
Namjoon follows behind Jungkook and sits down where they’re assigned. Jungkook sits on the opposite side and Namjoon feels Jungkook intertwined their legs beneath the table.
She smiles before she steps away to give them time to decide.
“Hyung, I’ve missed you a lot,” Jungkook starts now that they’re settled into the booth, he reaches over to grab Namjoon’s hand. He’s always saying it and it’s cute and it’s good and it makes Namjoon’s chest feel so heavy everything he does.
“I’ve missed you, too,” Namjoon says and he means it. He feels like he’s always thinking of Jungkook, one way or another— wherever he is. He doesn’t mention how they saw each other not too long ago and doesn’t comment on the fact that they still manage to text every single day.
Dinner comes and goes. It’s easy, Namjoon realizes as he watches Jungkook eat his food as if it’s the last meal he’ll ever eat. He can’t help but feel like his heart is drowning in his chest. They laugh, they joke, they talk about their days, they talk about Jungkook and his classes, they talk about Namjoon and his, and they talk about them— together. It’s all so easy and Namjoon likes that a lot. He wishes he could do this forever and maybe, if given the chance, he probably would.
“It’s my turn to pay,” Namjoon states, watching Jungkook finish his meal. Jungkook looks up at him and squints.
“You said that last time, hyung,” Jungkook says, wiping at his mouth.
“You know any normal person wouldn’t fight me on this,” Namjoon starts, “and yet here you are, fighting me every single time.”
“It’s because I’m trying to court you, can you blame me?”
Namjoon’s cheeks redden at that, “Jungkook, I will fight you.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes because he knows it’s a lost battle.
“Next time it’s my turn then,” he says, removing himself from the booth, probably to go to the restroom.
Namjoon nods as he watches him.
“For now, I’ll just run to the restroom while you pay, yeah?”
Namjoon smiles because Jungkook, a known brat, is cooperating.
“Got it,” Namjoon says as he takes one last sip of his drink before getting up as well.
He watches Jungkook walk away towards the restroom, Namjoon smiles. He turns to go pay at the front desk and sees that the nice lady is already waiting for him. There’s a gentle smile on her face as she watches him get closer.
“Did everything go well?” She asks as she rings up their ticket.
“It was perfect,” he smiles and reaches for his wallet in his back pocket.
“I’m so glad you’re back, I've missed you both very much,” she confesses, her soothing voice making Namjoon feel like he’s visiting a nice aunt or something.
He eventually pays and leaves a generous tip.
“I hope you and your boyfriend come again,” she says with a big smile and places a handful of candy in his hand before giving him his receipt.
“I hope so, too,” he smiles and grabs both things. She bids him goodbye and he walks over to wait for Jungkook by the door.
It doesn’t dawn on Namjoon right away but it should have. It’s the third time it happens and he should be able to catch it, yet… he doesn’t.
He finally realizes the mistake in the situation and looks back to her but she’s no longer there.
He feels exactly like he did the first time. He’s frozen in place and can’t even seem to realize when Jungkook makes his way back from the restroom.
“Are we leaving?” Jungkook asks and it snaps him out of his deep thoughts.
He takes one look at Jungkook and he kind of forgets what he was so worked over. And to be fair, no one is to blame but the younger boy in front of him.
Jungkook had dyed his hair back to black after experimenting with other colors. It looks shinier below the light. He looks so young and Namjoon can’t help but feel his heartbeat in his throat. Jungkook’s eyes are bright and maybe it’s from that taste of wine they were offered while they were eating or maybe it’s because he’s always simply looking at Namjoon like that every time they’re together. His eyes revealing everything he’s feeling without caring if he looks vulnerable or not, trusts Namjoon this much.
Jungkook looks beautiful in all the ways it makes Namjoon ache. There’s different levels of pain Namjoon has felt over the course of his life, he can easily categorize them now: scraping a knee, biting the inside of his cheek, stubbing a toe, all accidents, simple silly mistakes. Then there’s Jungkook who likes to wear whatever he’s thinking about on his face, making Namjoon’s heart tremble in his chest every time he stares into his eyes.
Namjoon won’t talk too much about fate, because it’s not his niche, because he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop if he starts, but he can easily say now how being around Jungkook can unravel into a universe of its own. He thinks it’s the truth, likes to think about it more often than not, the thought of the universe spinning and spiraling around them and making the catastrophe of the Big Bang happen all over again.
Namjoon won’t get too much into things like this, he’ll leave that to Jungkook when he’s bored at three in the morning, but he likes to think Jungkook came into his life for a reason.
“Yeah, are you ready?” Namjoon asks because he can and because Jeon Jungkook is the epitome of unseen beauty and he can’t wait to take him home and take him apart in every way he’s able to— in all the ways he has been through the years of discovering the creation of this universe.
Namjoon is a big believer in fate— but he’s also a big believer in them. Atoms touching atoms and Namjoon touching him.
Jungkook nods and purses his lips, giving Namjoon the chance to look at the mole under his bottom lip.
“Do you want to come home with me?” Namjoon asks and Jungkook knows what he means, he takes one look at Namjoon and nods fervently, his eyes growing wider with want.
*rubbing hands together* here we Go
Chapter 2: The One Where Namjoon and Jungkook...You Know
title summarizes it all up!
It’s late and the only way Namjoon knows is by the way the street lights reflect perfectly off of Jungkook, illuminating his nose and a tiny segment of his cheek. If he looks close enough he’d probably see speckles of stars in his eyes too.
“Are we going in?” Jungkook asks as the jacket that Namjoon had given him during their dinner hangs from his shoulders. It looks bigger on him and Namjoon sucks in a breath. Jungkook knows they are but can’t help but ask for confirmation, anything to make time go faster.
He’s looking at Namjoon with a pair of soft doe eyes and it sparks a light in Namjoon’s belly, waking up a monster from its slumber.
“Do you want us to?” Namjoon asks because he likes the way Jungkook blushes and how his eyes shine a bit more when he wants something but doesn’t want to ask for it directly.
Namjoon just wants Jungkook to speak it out in the air, needs Jungkook to explain to Namjoon what he wants before they do it, needs to hear Jungkook say exactly how he likes it because Namjoon is the only one that knows how to go about it.
They went out for dinner, Namjoon paid because he insisted, and now they’re outside of Namjoon’s apartment as fire blooms higher and higher in him— until maybe when he kisses Jungkook, he’ll taste the ash too.
“Joon,” Jungkook says because they’ve done this countless of times. Namjoon can probably recite in perfect detail how it is that Jungkook sounds when he kisses him right below his ear or what shape his mouth transforms into when Namjoon presses at the bruises in his thigh. Namjoon sees his pupils dilate and fuck. They haven’t done anything in a while because of class and work so Namjoon misses him so much, he feels like he’ll die if he doesn’t touch Jungkook soon.
And then it switches just like that, Jungkook is now looking at him as if he’s starved and hasn’t had a meal in years, like if he wants to devour him whole and God Namjoon hopes no one is home. Namjoon usually waits for Jungkook to say what he wants but now as he watches Jungkook look at him as if he’s something big and important, he just wants to take him straight to bed without any interruptions.
So, Namjoon does what he’s been doing for the past three and a half years, he kisses Jungkook against the door of his apartment with purpose. There’s a primal urge to take care of Jungkook in any way he can, this has been living inside Namjoon for a long while now.
If it’s something Namjoon hopes to remember for the rest of his life, it’s how Jungkook’s soft lips feel against his. It’s how Jungkook lets out small whimpers as Namjoon bites his bottom lip and brings him closer towards him. He craves any kind of touch if it’s from Jungkook.
Have to be closer, want to be closer, Namjoon thinks but doesn’t know how. Namjoon needs to be as close as he can, feels like he’ll go crazy if he isn’t.
“Hyung,” Jungkook whines into Namjoon’s mouth, breathing loudly through his nose as he grips tighter on to him. Namjoon hums in response, he kisses him harder because Jungkook needs to know just how much he means to Namjoon.
“Let’s hope no one is home, okay?” Namjoon whispers as he latches his mouth to suck on Jungkook’s ear sucks, kisses, licks, and releases.
Jungkook is panting, hard, in desperation, “I—” he moans again as Namjoon kisses down his neck, leaving kiss after kiss all around, “yeah, okay,” Jungkook squeaks out as he grabs Namjoon’s face with both hands and brings him up to kiss him on the lips. Jungkook can’t even concentrate on what he’s saying.
“We’ll be quiet, yeah?” Namjoon orders, stopping to take a look at Jungkook coming undone right before his eyes.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes,” Jungkook answers, words stumbling out of his mouth like if that’s the only thing in his vocabulary.
Namjoon reluctantly removes his lips from the sweetness the younger boy provides and Jungkook already knows that’s a cue to grab the keys and unlock the door. He waits from behind as Jungkook turns to shakily unlock the front door before he opens it up. He walks forward with Namjoon’s hand in his.
The only thing Namjoon does is follow him— it’s the only thing he’s been doing all this time.
With force, Jungkook slams the bedroom door closed, forgetting that Namjoon’s roommates could be home. He turns back to Namjoon and starts kissing him again, born to do it, born to be here, right here in this room with Namjoon.
Namjoon kisses back and it’s all heat now.
The heat that coiled at Namjoon’s belly is now all over. Feels it in the tips of his fingers, his chest, his lips, his dick.
“Your shirt,” Namjoon mumbles as he tugs at Jungkook’s shirt, it’s Namjoon’s but he doesn’t feel like saying that, likes it better on Jungkook either way.
Jungkook nods once and quickly takes it off, leaving Namjoon to drink up the image of the boy in front of him. Namjoon doesn’t have to mention his pants because Jungkook is already one step ahead.
Namjoon feels his stomach do a flip, heat now rapidly growing like wildfire. And, fuck Jungkook is absolutely gorgeous. He feels himself suck in a breath as he watches Jungkook pant loudly, waiting for Namjoon to do anything.
He’s gorgeous like this: Jungkook is breathing erratically and Namjoon sees his chest compress before he’s inhaling again. His lips are bitten red and they shine every time Jungkook licks over them. His cheeks seem tinted and the scar on his cheeks looks prettier now more than ever. His eyes are large as they stare up at Namjoon and Namjoon wants to cry. Jungkook presents his feelings through his eyes, everything laid out in the open for Namjoon to see and take.
Namjoon has a proclivity for this, the sentiment behind his words are woven and released through every kiss he lays on Jungkook’s body. He’s able to take Jungkook apart piece by piece and then glue him back together through tender touches and silent affirmations. It’s the easiest thing he’s ever had to do.
“Bed,” Namjoon instructs and Jungkook doesn’t need to be told twice before he’s lying on Namjoon’s bed, arms stretched out above him and staring up at Namjoon with glossy eyes and swollen lips— lying there like that’s exactly where he belongs.
Namjoon climbs up the bed and cages him in, doesn’t want him to leave, not now, not ever. Can’t think of a life where they aren’t together. Can’t think about a past that doesn’t include him in it.
Namjoon wants to take his time like he usually does, but it feels different now as Jungkook stares up at him with something else, something Namjoon can’t seem to make out. Namjoon kisses him like he means it. Kisses him like he means every single touch he’s handing to Jungkook every time their lips meet.
Kisses him on the forehead, his temples, his eyelids, his nose, his lips brush Jungkook’s but that’s the most he provides. Namjoon’s lips linger over Jungkook’s like a ghost does in every scary movie. Hopes the hungry touch of his kisses exude what Namjoon is feeling.
“Hyung,” Jungkook whines again and it makes Namjoon’s dick twitch in his pants, he knows Jungkook feels it because he whimpers into the air, he tries reaching his head up for Namjoon’s mouth but Namjoon pulls away before Jungkook tries again.
His whistle still hangs from his neck and softly grazes Jungkook’s smooth chest.
“I’ve got you,” Namjoon whispers as he stares down at Jungkook. He looks beautiful, Namjoon thinks again, he’s so beautiful. Jungkook’s pupils are blown wide and there are faint red marks all over his neck from Namjoon’s gentle sucking and the only thing Namjoon wants to do is weep until there’s nothing but the eminent feeling of adoration inside of him.
He kisses him, Jungkook slightly opens his mouth and Namjoon doesn’t waste time to slide his tongue in. Namjoon kisses him until he can’t handle it any longer, he begins slowly moving down Jungkook’s body.
He starts by kissing his neck, doesn’t want to miss a spot, kisses down his smooth chest, bites lightly at his erect nipples and Namjoon enjoys the way Jungkook lifts off the bed and groans.
“Easy,” Namjoon has to remind him as he stares back up at Jungkook. Jungkook always stares back, he never looks away and Namjoon doesn’t think he’s strong enough to make prolonged eye-contact.
Namjoon kisses down his stomach lightly, wanting to remember this too, and goes to make a hickey on the left side of his waist, somewhere only they can see it, somewhere they’re both able to visit again.
Jungkook lets out a moan, looks like he can’t even concentrate because Namjoon is determined to leave a giant mark on his hip bone.
“Pretty,” Namjoon looks up in time to see Jungkook react to the praise, he’s always loved how Jungkook moans and tries to reach Namjoon.
Jungkook doesn’t need to say he enjoys being praised because Namjoon knows him like the back of his hand, he knows by the way Jungkook blushes when Namjoon praises him for doing well in classes, he knows by the way Jungkook inhales a shaky breath and doesn’t seem to exhale until Namjoon leaves.
“My gorgeous golden boy, pretty all over, pretty,” Namjoon chants like his life depends on it, kisses down his pubic bone and shudders when Jungkook moans loudly.
Jungkook is hard, Namjoon had realized this when he first told him to strip but had been purposely neglecting him since.
“Namjoonie- hyung,” Jungkook mumbles out, anything to make Namjoon touch him.
“Say it,” Namjoon waits, needs to hear it, he palms at Jungkook’s crotch.
Jungkook moans before he does anything else, “please,” he first lets out, “touch me.”
Namjoon knows what he means, he’s been touching him all night but Jungkook wants to be touched in ways only Namjoon knows, in the ways Namjoon has learned through years of mapping out Jungkook’s body.
Namjoon nods, “I’ve got you, I’ll take care of you,” he promises. He leans down and peppers Jungkook’s clothed dick with small kisses. He knows Jungkook isn’t getting enough by the way he’s panting hard.
“Can I take off your underwear?” Namjoon asks and he doesn’t recognize his voice as the words leave his mouth.
Jungkook nods desperately, “please.”
Namjoon abides and takes them off quickly, not wanting to waste another second, doesn’t want to take his hands away from the panting boy below him.
He starts kissing his dick again, all the way to where his balls are and then moves to kiss one thigh while pressing his thumb into the other.
“I’ll take care of you,” Namjoon say through each kiss, talking more to himself than to anyone. Maybe speaking it out and hoping everyone in this giant world listens.
I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life, he wants to say.
He goes to bite at Jungkook’s right thigh, he sucks hard and hopes to leave a bruised mark long enough for Jungkook to shake every time he feels it.
“Pretty,” Namjoon says under his breath, doesn’t stop praising, doesn’t think he can. Moves a bit lower and leaves another mark right under the first one. It looks pretty on Jungkook’s tan skin, like red and purple watercolors blooming on paper— Namjoon has always been one to appreciate art wherever he can find it.
Namjoon moves over to his other inner thigh and begins working there. Jungkook reaches down to grab Namjoon by his hair, holding him in place.
Jungkook looks like he’s about to pass out, breathing in and out with fervor.
Namjoon does with he always does, removes Jungkook’s hands from his hair and holds them instead, he intertwines their hands, hoping to at least let Jungkook know he won’t let go.
He licks over the bite marks and admires his gentle work. He somehow wishes he had a camera to capture the essence that bleeds out of Jungkook every time he’s spread out on the bed with bitten lips and marked skin.
“You okay?” Namjoon always asks, needs reassurance to continue, needs to check if Jungkook is okay.
“Yeah, fuck, continue hyung before I come from just this,” Jungkook murmurs as he goes to grab his dick and easily begins touching himself, using his precum to make it work.
“Where’s the lube, baby?” Namjoon asks because Jungkook was the one to put it away last time they had sex in Namjoon’s room.
“Same place,” Jungkook replies, not breaking eye contact with Namjoon as he gets himself off.
Namjoon can’t handle it, he beelines towards the drawer and opens it to grab the lube and condoms.
He walks back to see Jungkook with closed eyes as he unabashedly lets out pants.
“So beautiful,” Namjoon whispers, watching the way Jungkook grasps his dick with one hand and takes his nipple in the other. Jungkook bites at his bottom lip and can’t seem to concentrate on anything else. His long bangs covering some of his eye and his earrings shining when the faint lights touches them.
He moves closer and sets himself between Jungkook’s thighs, looks at him from above, watches the way Jungkook opens his eyes to look at him, waiting for him to do something.
He sets the lube and the condom on the side, he goes to take off his shirt in one swift motion, Namjoon feels the cold whistle touch his skin and he inhales. Jungkook looks at him, with so much admiration and awe, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over it. He likes the way Jungkook smiles and it’s a hidden one, a small only reserved for moments for him— for them.
He reaches over to caress one of Jungkook’s cheeks, they look blushed and pretty, “gorgeous.” Traces his scar again.
Jungkook looks at him with doe eyes, a look Namjoon can’t decipher again. Jungkook stares at him and nods slowly as if hypnotized by the words coming out of Namjoon’s mouth.
It’s too much, Namjoon leans down to kiss him on the lips, kisses him again and again and again until Jungkook is the only thing he’s breathing in.
“Your pants,” Jungkook says as he tugs at them and it makes Namjoon chuckle. He lifts himself to remove them and takes off his boxers too.
“Last time you said you were going to hulk rip them ,” Namjoon recalls Jungkook’s exact words with a chuckle.
“Hyung,” Jungkook sounds frustrated, “I was very horny then and I’m very horny now, please stop talking about hulk before my boner goes away.”
“Oh, you would you rather me talk about iron man?” Namjoon teases some more because Jungkook looks desperate.
“Hyung, I will literally start crying.”
“You always cry when I fuck you, baby. Nothing new to me.”
Jungkook’s cheeks are blushed as he goes to slap Namjoon on his bicep. It makes both of them laugh.
“On your stomach or like this?” Namjoon asks as he finally touches his dick to relieve some pain after neglecting it for so long. There’s a comical smile on his lips.
“Like this, I want to see you,” Jungkook answers with honesty and it makes Namjoon suck in a breath, forgetting the teasing altogether. He nods and obliges.
Namjoon grabs the lube to slick his fingers, he watches for Jungkook’s reaction like he always does.
Namjoon likes using his fingers, mostly to help Jungkook relax and because Jungkook enjoys doing it before they do anything else and Namjoon likes anything Jungkook likes.
The lube feels cold on his fingers so he hopes it isn’t as cold for Jungkook. He swipes the extra lube on the bed before he holds Jungkook’s waist to pull him closer.
“Ready?” Namjoon asks.
“Yes please, hyung.”
Namjoon knows Jungkook has been ready so he doesn’t waste a second. He leans up to kiss him softly as he inserts a finger into the tight heat slowly. He feels Jungkook tense before relaxing. It makes it easier as Namjoon slides his finger in and out and watches for Jungkook’s response.
Namjoon kisses him because he thinks Jungkook looks beautiful like this. Namjoon finds pleasure in the way Jungkook seems to let himself go as he slides his two fingers in and out of him.
He curls his fingers, watches the way Jungkook closes his eyes and let out a moan, he scissors them, watches the way Jungkook’s mouth turns into an o shape.
“Beautiful,” he feels himself say again and he doesn’t mean to but it just comes out every time Jungkook looks at bliss.
He grabs Jungkook’s dick and begins tugging, anything to make Jungkook feel even better. Jungkook moans like his life depends on it.
Namjoon removes his fingers, “you ready?” Doesn’t waste a second, feels like a man on a mission. He stops to look at for any signs of discomfort and can’t seem to find any.
Namjoon grabs the condom and rips it open, he knows Jungkook is watching him as he slides it on and gets some more lube.
He scoots closer until his blunt head is at Jungkook’s entrance. He feels Jungkook inhale sharply, nervous over something they’ve done countless times.
“I’ve got you,” Namjoon reassures the smaller boy under him, he looks at Jungkook and watches the way he looks determined to take anything Namjoon is willing to give.
He’s then pushing in slowly, watching Jungkook’s face transform into something else, he loves it every single time. He doesn’t think he could ever get tired of it.
Namjoon pauses midway to kiss Jungkook’s big nose, he grips tighter to the bedsheets, stopping himself from pushing all the way in one swift go. He breathes in heavily through his nose and waits for a couple of seconds before he continues the slow process.
“Fuck,” he murmurs to himself because Jungkook, after all this time, still feels the same as the first time— warm and tight and Namjoon could probably go insane if he thought about it too much.
“Please, hyungie,” Jungkook whimpers, wanting any kind of movement, craving it like nothing else.
Namjoon grabs Jungkook’s dick in his hand and tugs as he pushes all the way in, bottoming out.
His heavy breaths are heard through the room and Jungkook’s airy exhales sound so beautiful. He wishes he could capture his moans in a jar and listen to them whenever he pleases.
He doesn’t want to say that out loud, he already feels selfish for wanting someone this much.
He waits for Jungkook to tell him it’s alright to move, he waits with blaring nostrils and tight fist, and if it came down to it, he’d probably wait forever if it meant he could watch Jungkook come apart like this. He feels his heart pounding through his ears.
“Move,” Jungkook whispers as he adjusts himself in the bed, spreading himself more open.
Namjoon pulls out and goes in slowly just so Jungkook can get used to the stretch of his dick. Jungkook whines like he’s meant to take it like that and it makes Namjoon snap his hips forward.
Namjoon groans quietly, getting closer, placing both forearms on the sides of Jungkook’s head to have a better angle.
He lives for this, he lives for the way Jungkook appreciates everything Namjoon gives him, lavishes in it for as long as he can because Namjoon does the same.
He starts a steady pace of thrusts. In, out, in, out, inhaling, exhaling, all for Jungkook. That’s all he feels as his pace gets faster and faster and Jungkook’s moans and whines get louder.
“Hyung, hyung, hyung,” Jungkook chants like a mantra— like a man possessed with something unknown. Namjoon lives for it, only fuels him further.
“I’ve got you,” Namjoon repeats after, “I’ve got you, I’ve got you, I’ll take care of you,” not really watching his words but letting them fall out of his mouth like anything normal does, like things he’s been saying for quite some time now. He lets them out almost as if they’re imprinted to the back of his brain.
“My beautiful golden boy,” Namjoon says as he begins to pound into Jungkook like that. Thrust after thrust. Can’t seem to focus on anything else. Hopes to ruin him forever, hopes Jungkook remembers this whenever it is he decides to leave, hopes and wishes Jungkook won’t ever find someone like him again.
He hears Jungkook whine and asks for more and Namjoon doesn’t know of what. Whether it’s praising he wants more or for Namjoon to go deeper than he already is. Namjoon does both.
He moves quicker, harder, “I’ll take care of you for the rest of our lives,” he says with eyes squeezed shut, running towards the finish line. Doesn’t care for his words.
Jungkook’s moans are the only thing swimming around the room, it’s music to Namjoon’s ears. He wants to keep fucking into him like this if it means he gets to hear Jungkook moan like if it’s the end of the world, like if this is the last time they’ll ever do this.
“Yours, yours, yours,” it’s the only thing coming out of Jungkook’s mouth, he can’t say anything else as Namjoon lifts his lower body off the bed with every thrust he delivers. He’s clinging on to Namjoon.
Hopes Jungkook never finds someone that takes care of him this nicely. It’s a selfish thought and it only crosses his mind for a flash of a second but it’s there. He can’t help it. He wants to be Jungkook’s person forever.
Need to give him everything he’s ever wanted, need to take care of him, want to be good for him, Namjoon thinks, mind going fuzzy.
Jungkook is warm all over, it radiates off of him as Namjoon bends down to kiss him on the lips, almost breaking Jungkook in half in the process. Namjoon is sweating and he’s panting but he needs to take care of the boy below him.
Warmth bleeds through the bedroom walls as he kisses him and fucks into him simultaneously. Namjoon seems to be bad at many things but this? Taking care of Jungkook? It’s the easiest thing he’s ever done.
“Wish you could see how pretty you look like this,” Namjoon stutters out, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he gives and takes, gives and takes, gives and takes.
“Hyung,” Jungkook groans out and his eyes are on Namjoon, he grabs his dick again and starts jerking himself off.
“Say you’re the prettiest boy ever.” Namjoon watches the way Jungkook struggles with his words. Too fucked out to think correctly but still wanting to be good for the man above him.
”’m the prettiest boy ever,” Jungkook repeats, slurring his words the faster Namjoon moves to make him feel good.
They stare at each other and Namjoon can’t handle it, closes his eyes tight and picks up speed.
He opens them again after a few seconds and Jungkook is gripping the sheets above him, his knuckles are almost white as he hangs on for his dear life.
“I’ll take care of you,” Namjoon says again, doesn’t know why he keeps on saying it but it’s spilling out. He’s nodding to himself.
“Please,” Jungkook pants, catching his breath, he lets out a moan and directs his hand to remove the hairs that keep falling onto his face.
Namjoon knows this part, loves it even.
Need to give him everything he’s ever wanted, need to take care of him, want to be good for him, he thinks again, on replay in his mind.
“I’ll buy you the studio you’ve always wanted,” Namjoon starts because he knows what Jungkook wants to hear.
Jungkook moans loudly, loving it, drinking it in the praises Namjoon is handing off with every sharp thrust. Domestic talk getting them off like nothing else.
“Yes,” Jungkook, somehow, throughout all the panting and mess he’s making of himself.
“Just for you.”
Jungkook whimpers at that and tugs at his dick harder.
“All for you,” Namjoon whispers out into the room and Jungkook lets out a loud moan that seems he had been holding in.
Namjoon has always known Jungkook likes getting off to domestic talk, Namjoon loves how Jungkook lets himself go every time they bring up the future.
Ah, ah, ah, sounds come out of Jungkook.
“Hyung, please,” Jungkook slurs as he tugs hastily at his dick, anything to make himself come.
Jungkook moans loudly when Namjoon begins to hit a certain spot in him so he angles that way again and watches Jungkook practically sing.
“Hmm?” Namjoon asks, pounding harder just to make it harder for Jungkook to answer.
“Want it all if it’s with you,” Jungkook slurs, not caring how weird and how unrealistic it sounds because it’s in the heat of the moment, because they’re both horny and they both want to come.
He knows Jungkook is close by the way he starts trembling, his hand speeds up on his dick, and how he can’t stop chanting hyung . Wanting more, needing more.
“You're so good,” Namjoon says and he moans loudly when Jungkook clenches on his dick, “fuck,” he says as he slams in harder, chasing after his orgasm now as it approaches.
“I’m not gonna last, are you close?” Namjoon asks, looks down to the whistle on Jungkook’s chest and it makes him feel good all over, grips Jungkook’s thighs harder.
“So close, please, please, please,” Jungkook pleads with urgency, out of breath, made just for this.
“I’ve got you,” Namjoon keeps repeating— because it’s the truth, because he means it, “the best boy ever, my golden boy,” he says, pounding, slamming, thrusting in. Because it’s the truth, because he means It.
“I promise, I promise, I promise,” he finishes, eyes closed. Doesn't know what he's promising.
Jungkook’s eyes roll back and then he’s coming all over his own hands and on his chest, long streaks of cum paint his stomach and some of it almost reaches the whistle.
It’s just Jungkook tugging at his dick, slowing down after reaching his high. He whimpers lightly at the overstimulation so Namjoon pulls off.
Jungkook doesn’t waste a second before he’s on his knees.
“Can I suck your dick, hyung?” Jungkook asks shamelessly, it’s so obscene but Namjoon doesn’t care because he’s horny. He’s so close to coming and Jungkook is looking at him like that as he waits for Namjoon to give him permission.
Namjoon nods, removing the condom and aiming it towards the trash by the corner.
If Namjoon enjoys watching Jungkook get fucked then he can’t even begin to explain how much he loves watching Jungkook suck dick.
He looks beautiful on the bed with both hands gripping at Namjoon’s waist for support. Jungkook doesn’t even give him a warning before he takes Namjoon in one go, making Namjoon inhale sharply.
“Fuck, Jungkook,” Namjoon says, closing his eyes and letting the heat sink deep in his stomach.
Jungkook presses his thumbs into his waist, signaling him to open his eyes.
Namjoon, somehow, manages to open his eyes and look down at Jungkook take his dick perfectly. Made for it, made for him.
Jungkook’s eyes water but that doesn’t seem to stop him from trying to take more even if there’s nothing else to take. He chokes one Namjoon’s dick and he pulls back to gather some breath before quickly going in again. He sucks and swallows and there’s saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth. He gags and tears brim in his eyes, they start cascading down his soft blushed cheeks. And it’s all too much and Namjoon can’t take it.
Jungkook takes one of Namjoon’s hands and places it on his head, he’s looking up at him.
Namjoon nods, understanding, before he gathers Jungkook’s long hair into a handheld ponytail and begins using this as leverage— guiding the boy below him. Jungkook looks beautiful, it renders Namjoon speechless. He loves his hair and this is one reason of many. He grips tighter because he knows that when this is all over, he’ll be the one to run fingers through the soft black locks until Jungkook falls asleep.
Jungkook presses his tongue at the base of the head with eagerness, he’s determined to make Namjoon come. Namjoon moans and grips Jungkook’s hair tighter in his hands, pulling and pushing. He knows he’s close, feels the gradual buildup of tension in his thighs, like a burn finally catching up to him or if he’s about the finish a five-hour workout.
Jungkook loves doing this. He sucks, kisses, licks, hums, and has Namjoon groaning. He’s so close, he feels it, he’s about to reach the finish line.
Jungkook is looking up at Namjoon with swollen lips and blushed wet cheeks before he quickly pulls off.
“In my mouth, hyungie,” Jungkook pleads, practically begging for it before he sets Namjoon’s dick on his tongue. He’s staring up at Namjoon with big Bambi eyes.
And that is exactly what Namjoon needs, his muscles tense and his toes curl up at the release he had been holding in. He groans loudly. His cum spurts into Jungkook’s mouth and he watches Jungkook swallow it down contently. Holy fuck, this kid.
He lets Jungkook suck for a few moments more and then Namjoon winces, “off,” he says and Jungkook reluctantly pulls away, wiping at his mouth with one hand while clearing his vision with the other.
“Fucking hell,” Namjoon lets out for a second, breathing in and out with sweat all over before gathering himself up and going over to fetch some towels from the bathroom.
Jungkook is breathing in and out loudly after much sucking and choking. His eyes are closed and there’s wetness on his cheeks and around his mouth.
Namjoon walks over towards Jungkook’s side, he begins cleaning his face and then moves down to clean the cum from his stomach before it completely dries up.
“It was my turn to clean us,” Jungkook half slurs out, he sounds tired and on the verge of falling asleep.
Namjoon smiles, “you looked tired out,” he cleans Jungkook’s thighs and admires the hickeys he left there for the both of them to see. He leans down to kiss one and likes the way Jungkook gets goosebumps.
Jungkook nods lazily, “I’ll do it next time, then.”
“Okay, you’ll do it next time,” Namjoon repeats after him as he goes to his side of the bed so they can cuddle like they do every single time after sex. He kisses the back of Jungkook’s neck because he knows Jungkook smiles when he does it.
“At least there are no hickeys on my neck,” Jungkook begins now that they’re both here, at peace.
Namjoon hums, “last time was your fault, by the way,” he defends himself and it makes Jungkook scoff.
“How dare you, I was the one left with giant hickeys and you’re the one playing victim?” Jungkook glares at him and it’s all very cute.
Namjoon laughs, “you were begging for them.”
“Okay, that’s enough of the lies,” Jungkook answers but his cheeks are blushed.
“Oh, so now you’re not defending yourself, huh? ” Namjoon argues, poking at Jungkook's side and watching Jungkook’s reaction.
Jungkook giggles like he always does and Namjoon feels the fleeting rush of butterflies settling in his belly— like he always does.
A perfect moment between them and Namjoon wishes things could stay exactly like they are.
“How was your day?” Jungkook asks, again, scooting closer and waiting for Namjoon to answer. They always do this. Namjoon looks at him and maybe if he wasn’t so in control of his emotions, he’d start crying over how pretty Jungkook looks, even now after being tired out.
“Okay, I guess. I went out to eat with some loser,” Namjoon begins with a shrug, “had to pay.”
Jungkook smacks him on the arm, “you fucker,” he laughs out loud and Namjoon laughs with him, pulling him closer.
“How was your day?” It’s Namjoon’s turn to ask and he does because he means it.
“Good,” Jungkook says but he isn’t finished, “better than good. I took this pretty boy out and we had a blast,” he finishes with a giant smile.
“Oh my god, that reminds me—” Namjoon begins because how could he have forgotten to tell Jungkook about the incident back at the restaurant. Jungkook is looking at him with interest now that Namjoon has his attention.
“Okay, you’re going to crack up and I can’t believe I forgot to tell you,” he laughs and it makes Jungkook laugh because if Namjoon finds it funny then Jungkook must too. He finally has time to tell Jungkook about what has been happening without anyone interrupting him.
“Tell me, hyung,” Jungkook is excited to know now and his smile only grows wider. He’s tugging at Namjoon’s hand.
“A month back, a friend of mine thought I had a boyfriend,” Namjoon starts, “the funniest part is that there was a second time,” Namjoon can’t help but chuckle, not watching for Jungkook’s reaction, too caught up on telling the story to the boy he’s always told everything to, “and earlier today it happened again, the lady thought you were my boyfriend.” Namjoon finishes with his head thrown back into the pillow and a laugh escaping his mouth. It’s the only thing he can do, doesn’t want to make things awkward. Wouldn’t be able to live with himself if things were awkward between him and Jungkook.
He doesn’t realize that the boy, the one that usually giggles at everything Namjoon does and says, is not laughing along with him. Namjoon doesn’t even have to look at Jungkook to know that something isn’t right, he already feels something heavy lodge itself in his chest as soon as the ugly silence settles itself around the room.
“Oh,” Jungkook lets out and his voice sounds so fucking small, like if someone just got after him or when he’s explaining to his hyungs how he just failed a test he studied so hard for. There’s a small frown on his face and his eyebrows are furrowed. A wave of discomfort sits at the tops of Namjoon’s chest the longer Jungkook takes to speak.
Namjoon doesn’t know what to do so he laughs again, a loud booming one, “Yeah, that was pretty weird, right?” Waits for some sort of reaction.
And it’s like he’s saying all the wrong things to further crush Jungkook’s feelings. He can’t help it. He doesn’t know what to do or how to fix it. It’s not supposed to be like this.
Jungkook looks at him and there’s distress written all over his face. His eyes that once sparkled like lights have dimmed into something smaller.
“Yeah, I—” Jungkook pauses, face now blank, removes the bed covers from himself and quickly sits up. He’s not saying anything and Namjoon is afraid of breaking this moment further than it already is.
Namjoon doesn’t know how to make this moment better. It’s happening too rapidly. Namjoon is usually quick on his feet but there’s quick-sand now and it’s too much and it’s all over and Namjoon is stuck. He’s good with his words, can probably write poems and essays and stories, but this is different.
Jungkook had looked at him like he had killed a man and Namjoon didn’t like it. His expression is one Namjoon has never seen so his heart crumbles like sand. There’s an alarm going off in his head now.
“Jungkook,” Namjoon starts, he’s confused. He sits up too, mirroring Jungkook’s actions.
“I— I should go,” Jungkook lifts himself from the bed to rummage through the clothes scattered around the room from earlier. He’s facing away from the bed and Namjoon can’t he can’t see his face from this angle.
They were just fine, Jungkook is supposed to stay over and they’re supposed to cuddle. They always do this, they kiss some more, they cuddle, and they sleep.
“You usually stay, we always cuddle,” Namjoon stammers out, feeling apprehensive now “plus it’s Friday, there are no classes tomorrow and you don’t work on Saturdays and—” Trying every excuse in the book.
Jungkook doesn’t stop, he’s moving around the room and Namjoon feels his veins freeze up. Feels something ugly get stuck in his throat.
“I know but I— I— need to finish something up back at home.” Jungkook’s voice is shaky as he responds, grabbing his shirt and pants to quickly get them on.
Jungkook won’t even look at him in the eye, he’s searching for a sock and then a shoe and then a shirt. Searching for something just so he can remain busy instead of turning around and talking to Namjoon about whatever is bothering him.
This isn’t like him. Whatever Jungkook is feeling, he always likes to let Namjoon know.
“Are you sure? You can’t work on it tomorrow?” And Namjoon knows how desperate he sounds but he needs Jungkook to stay.
“No, I just need to work on it right now, I just remembered it’s due soon,” Jungkook is rambling and stuttering and Namjoon hates how dejected Jungkook sounds. Namjoon hates all of this, doesn’t like it one bit.
“I can come with you so you don’t have to go back alone.” Namjoon wants to say much more than that. He wants to say: please don’t leave, you’re not supposed to. Please stay here with me, it’s cold without you. I don’t know how it is to sleep in my room if you’re not here.
Jungkook doesn’t answer, setting the final shoe on his foot. He stops what he’s doing and he’s looking at the floor. He stays there for a couple of seconds so Namjoon takes the chance to speak up again.
“Here, well let me walk you out—”
“No!” Jungkook yells and it startles both of them, like if he didn’t mean to. He finally looks up at Namjoon. His bottom lip is trembling and it breaks Namjoon’s heart, breaks it in half and stabs at it repeatedly. It’s not supposed to be like this.
“Um, we—” Jungkook is stuttering, he can’t seem to concentrate as he walks backwards towards the door, “I— you should stay right here and I—” he loses his balance as he walks back into Namjoon’s chair, he doesn’t fall but Namjoon immediately reaches over to help him and Jungkook flinches like if Namjoon is fire. It shouldn’t hurt Namjoon but it does. It aches thinking about Jungkook not wanting Namjoon to be anywhere near him.
Namjoon doesn’t know what to do. He wants to help but Jungkook isn’t letting him.
“Jungkook, what’s wrong?” Namjoon worries and Jungkook only quickens his pace towards the door. He feels like his voice is wavering too.
“Nothing, it’s just— I need to go do something, we’re fine,” Jungkook says and even he can’t believe it. Jungkook still won’t meet his eye, he’s looking at the floor and his hair is covering his eyes a bit. Namjoon has to stop this, has to sit him down and ask him what’s wrong.
“Then please, let me walk you out,” Namjoon’s voice cracks a bit as he moves closer and that alone makes Jungkook take two steps back.
“It’s okay, we’re okay,” he keeps saying that and Namjoon doesn’t know what he means by it. Are they okay? This doesn’t feel like it is.
It’s cold and you’re leaving and you’re not telling me why, Namjoon wants to say but the words don’t want to come out.
“Here,” Jungkook sounds despondent as he says it, he takes off the whistle from around his neck, “it’s yours.” He leaves it on the desk, not even sparing a glance. It stings like nothing else.
“Jungkook.” Namjoon starts but he’s interrupted.
“I’ll just see you later, yeah?” Jungkook doesn’t wait for a response before he’s rushing out of Namjoon’s door without even a last turn to look, there’s no promise in his voice, he says it like anyone says something they don’t mean.
Namjoon is planted to the floor of his bedroom, his body seeming heavier than ever. He feels his heart sinking in his chest as he hears Jungkook’s car drive off.
*through tears* namjoon please
Chapter 3: The One with Namjoon’s Boyfriend
yeah.. getting to the end!
The room feels empty with him just in it, it doesn’t feel the same now that he’s alone in here.
Namjoon gets up from the bed to collect his clothing around the floor. He can’t seem to understand what just happened. Things were fine, they were fine. They did what they always did. Nothing had changed. Namjoon was telling Jungkook about his day and then things ended badly.
He grabs his phone from the stand and quietly leaves his bedroom and walks into the kitchen. Needs to be anywhere but there.
He should call.
In theory, he should pick up the phone and apologize for whatever he did so they could go back to normal. In practice, he shouldn’t. He should let it go. Jungkook had said they were okay, he said they were fine.
He grabs a cup from the cabinet and moves to get some water.
“Namjoonie,” Seokjin’s voice startles him a bit, he didn’t expect anyone to be home. Seokjin walks in and he’s wearing some striped pajamas.
“Hyung,” he replies, doesn’t say anything else because he’ll cry if he does, he opens the faucet and pours some water into the cup.
“Where’s Jungkook?” Seokjin asks, he grabs the cup from Namjoon’s hand and drinks the water in one swig. He leaves it on the counter and Namjoon doesn’t move to retrieve it.
“He left,” Namjoon replies, almost doesn’t say it, wants to keep it in forever. He looks down at his feet.
“Left? He never does that.” Seokjin sounds surprised as he moves around the kitchen.
Seokjin is right, he never does that. He’s never left Namjoon’s house unless he had work early the next day or had an exam to study for but it’s a Friday and they had just come back from dinner.
Namjoon pauses, he looks away.
“The lady at the restaurant thought Jungkook was my boyfriend,” Namjoon blurts out because he doesn’t know what else to say. Because it’s the only thing swimming through his head now. Because he feels a bit lost and when he feels lost, he goes straight to his hyungs, hoping they can fix everything he’s not able to. He’s too afraid to say anything else after that comment alone made Jungkook evacuate the building as if it was on fire.
The comment makes Seokjin stop what he’s doing. He turns to look at Namjoon but doesn’t pause to blink, doesn’t pause to really do anything, before he’s laughing loudly— that windshield wiper laugh he reserves for the funniest jokes.
“Breaking news! Lady from restaurant states the truth!” Seokjin says as he holds up his hands, probably picturing it in his head.
Yoongi chooses the perfect time to walk in, his hair is a mess and his blinking his weary eyes open.
“Hyung, I’m not— we’re not—” he feels like he has three heads because of the way they’re looking at him, “Jungkook isn’t my boyfriend.” And it sounds weird leaving his mouth now that he sees how hard Seokjin is laughing.
Yoongi gives him a deadpan look while he reaches for his favorite mug. He doesn’t say anything else. Namjoon doesn’t mention the fact that it’s nighttime and people are usually going to sleep and not waking up from six-hour naps.
Seokjin hasn’t stopped laughing… again. He feels the same way he did the first time he told them about Jackson’s comment.
“Hobi baby, come here for a second.” Seokjin calls for Hoseok from their room.
Namjoon is missing his sock and Jungkook is gone. Nothing is okay right now.
He hears Hoseok’s light footsteps coming from the hall before he sees him come out with Seokjin’s large shirt on him and some rubber ducky boxers.
“Are Jungkook and Namjoon dating?” It’s the first thing Seokjin asks, doesn’t need to say anything else because Hoseok’s eyes light up like they do right when he’s about to perform, or really, do anything.
Namjoon tries speaking, tries to defend himself in any way he can but Hoseok beats him to it.
Hoseok, like a sixth-grader being egged on by his friends, begins moaning loudly and then practically wails, “I’ll take care of you.” He moans some more. Then he’s laughing and Seokjin is laughing and Yoongi is chuckling.
And oh God, those are Namjoon’s words.
“Okay, stop!” Namjoon practically throws himself on Hoseok to cover his mouth with both hands, his cheeks are red, he feels them heating up the further Hoseok groans and pants. Hoseok licks his hands and that is what makes Namjoon pull back.
“That… was private.” And it’s true. He’s just now realizing how funny they must sound to others.
“Oh, Joonie, you poor soul,” Yoongi speaks up first, there’s a small frown on his face and Namjoon wishes it wasn’t there— he wishes he wasn’t here. He feels like Yoongi is talking to a small cat.
“Stop,” Namjoon counters quickly at the top of his head.
“Namjoon-ah, you’ve been taking Jungkook to bed thinking no one is home,” Hoseok corrects him, adding fuel to the fire that is somehow getting bigger, even if the metaphorical house has already exploded to little pieces.
“Plus, he wears your clothes,” Yoongi adds, ashes now everywhere.
“And you all cuddle and hold hands.” Seokjin does too, smoke clinging to the walls like framed pictures.
“We are very good friends,” Namjoon reasons because he can and because he’s being accused of something he had no idea of.
“So, just to be clear then,” Seokjin begins, “you and Jungkook are not dating?” He’s looking at Namjoon as if he had just committed a crime, like if he’s seven and broke his mother’s favorite vase— Namjoon feels horrible about it.
“No— we— I,” the words are stuck in his throat and they’re all looking at him and expecting a well-worded response.
“We are not of relations.” Is what comes out of Namjoon in the end.
“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks, he’s looking at him as if he’s reaching deep into his soul and clawing at his insides.
“Yeah, I was telling Jungkook about it when we came back—” He doesn’t say that it was after they had sex because he doesn’t think he needs to and because he’s sure his hyungs heard him fuck Jungkook.
“Wait,” Yoongi holds up his hand to stop him, “you told Jungkook that someone thought you both were dating?”
“Yes?” Namjoon answers and isn’t sure if that’s the answer they’re looking for.
They all wince. Yoongi shakes his head like a disappointed father, Seokjin looks everywhere but at him, and Hoseok just pouts.
“I just thought—”
“Thought what, Joon? That he would be okay with it?” Yoongi asks, there’s something close to anger in his voice. This only comes out when he’s being the protective hyung when something goes wrong.
“Why are you upset? I don’t know what’s going on?”
“What Yoongi is trying to say.” Hoseok stops an argument from arising, “Joon, maybe all those people making comments about you having someone is because,” he stops again, “well, because we all thought you and Jungkook had something going on.”
Namjoon feels out of the loop, “we are something, we’re… friends.”
“Jesus Christ,” Yoongi murmurs, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“Joonie, you should go talk to Jungkook,” Hoseok offers lightly, not wanting to say the wrong thing to scare Namjoon away.
“Jungkook said we were okay.” He also looked like he was about to cry, “he said things were fine,” he says, and it sounds like he’s wanting to convince himself more than he wants to convince them.
“So then you and Jungkook are just friends?” Seokjin asks again for confirmation, looking at Namjoon like he wants him to change his answer. There’s something in his eyes but Namjoon can’t make it out.
“Yeah,” Namjoon says again, nods tightly because he doesn’t know what else to do.
“Okay, then,” Seokjin says before he retrieves back to his room with his two boyfriends following him and leaving Namjoon dumbfounded over the conversation.
So, it only leaves Namjoon to do what he’s always best at doing— he dwells in it.
Namjoon wants to believe himself— he has all these years of being caught in this tight rope with Jungkook. He’s never thought about it too much, he doesn’t think he’s ever had the chance to. Namjoon doesn't want to think about it any further, doesn’t want the thought lingering in him, doesn’t want it swimming around his chest like something rotten.
Namjoon stands idly still in his own kitchen, he feels out of place, just like he did in his room when Jungkook removed himself from the messy bed and ran the other way.
He brings his phone out again, simply to check if Jungkook had texted or called him but he finds nothing.
Namjoon thinks Jungkook is purposely avoiding him.
Not that he’s checking or anything but something is clearly wrong.
The last time he saw Jungkook was the night he left in a rush, which was three weeks and two days ago. Not, not that Namjoon is counting because he isn’t.
He feels like a wilting plant now, about to die, taking its last breath before it finally gives up for good.
“You’re making that same face again,” Hoseok says, grabbing the pillow from their futon and sitting down.
“I’m just… thinking,” Namjoon mumbles and it’s the truth, he is thinking. It’s the only thing he’s been doing now that he hasn’t had time to see Jungkook. The last time they texted was a few days ago and that’s because Namjoon had been texting him first.
“Thinking about what? It’s almost eight and you’ve had that same face since four”
Namjoon doesn’t need to say it because he feels like they all know. He’s been pouting all this time Jungkook has been away and Yoongi has even brought it up, even saying just go talk to him, and then patting his head like the hyung he is.
Namjoon doesn’t think it’s that simple. Talking means someone did something wrong which means Namjoon probably created something out of nothing and Namjoon can’t seem to figure out what he did. He doesn’t have the strength to face what is really bothering him.
“Just stuff.” Is what he ends up saying, not wanting to make eye contact because his hyungs know him like the back of their hands.
“Yoongi- hyung said you were petting the feral cat outside for thirty minutes yesterday,” Hoseok says, grabbing his phone to unlock it.
“That’s not— I always pet the cats outside,” he defends himself and he’s not really lying about it.
“Yeah, but he said you looked like a sad loser,” Hoseok mumbles, too invested on his phone to even look up at Namjoon or watch over his words.
“This is bullying, Hobi. You’ve been hanging out with Jin- hyung for too long.”
“Well, he is my boyfriend so I don’t know.”
“Speaking of the devil incarnate, where is Jin- hyung?”
“He’s at Jungkook’s apartment.” Hoseok is scrolling through his phone as he says it but it makes Namjoon’s eyes widen and ears perk.
Hoseok stops scrolling to give him a look, “Jungkook’s apartment? Where Jimin and Taehyung also live? Where you practically live, too?”
“No, yeah,” he pauses, tries to look cool about it all but he knows he’s failing miserably, “what is he doing over there?” He clears his throat.
He doesn’t want to sound hurt over Jungkook not texting him or inviting him over. He doesn’t want to dwell on the fact that he’s been trying to get things back to normal but has somehow been doing everything wrong. He needs to relax.
“Don’t know, actually. Yoongi knows, he was more awake than I was when Jin- hyung told us,” Hoseok murmurs, getting back into his phone as he hugs the pillow on his lap.
“Where is Yoongi- hyung?” Namjoon sounds a bit crazed as he searches for answers from someone that usually does not care about most things normal people do— like sports and anime.
“Getting ready, we’re about to get boba, you want to join?”
“What was said about me?” Yoongi chooses the perfect time to appear. He’s wearing a big scarf around his neck, it’s almost covering his whole face which is why maybe Yoongi chose it out in the first place.
“Joonie here wanted to know why Jin-nie went to Jungkook’s,” Hoseok is looking at him as he says it and it’s making Namjoon nervous.
Thump, thump, thump
Yoongi walks across the living room to the mirror in the hallway, “oh, is this about what he told us this morning?” he’s fixing his hair and waits for Hoseok to respond before he finally says, “he’s helping Jungkook prepare for his date, remember?”
Thump, thump, thu-
Namjoon feels his lips go dry a bit and he isn’t staring at anything directly yet feels himself stare holes into the air. Yoongi says it so nonchalantly that Namjoon almost doesn’t catch it. Almost. The perpetual feeling of confusion finds itself back in Namjoon’s lower belly. If he thought the other times people talking to him about having a boyfriend was surprising then he wouldn’t know what to call this. This slimy, icky monster drumming at his chest and making chaos out of simple words. This heavy, slumping feeling making sirens go off in his head for whatever unknown reason.
And he should say something, really, he should. Maybe laugh it off and shout out good luck, even if he doesn’t really know who he’s saying good luck to or for what reason. It’s the best thing he can do, probably.
It’s alarming just how badly it sits with Namjoon. Hearing the words Jungkook and date in the same sentence that doesn’t include him in it makes the butterflies in his stomach turn into a stampede of hurt and discomfort.
“Uh—” he pauses to clear his throat, “what do you mean?” His voice cracks just a bit and he hopes they didn’t hear that. He hopes his face isn’t distorted into whatever he’s feeling inside.
“Yeah, Jin- hyung got him this date with this boy and Jungkook needed help on how to dress for it.” Yoongi is looking at him through the mirror as he says it and yeah, okay, Namjoon feels like the earth is about to swallow him whole.
He feels like he’s drowning, he’s a plant and his owner is pouring too much water at once.
“He’s not supposed to do that,” Namjoon blurts out without preamble. He’s panicking and he can’t stop the words from coming out of his mouth. His hyungs pause what they’re doing to stare at him.
“He’s not— we’re not, I—” is he supposed to be saying something to stop his hyungs from looking at him like that? He can’t seem to form proper sentences, his tongue is stuck in his mouth and everything is happening too quickly. He feels like he’s looking at himself from above as he struggles to find words to explain how he’s feeling.
“Namjoon, you don’t look too hot right now,” Hoseok mentions, he has worry written all over his face so he takes a step forward to leave a hand on Namjoon’s shoulder.
None of it makes sense. Everything is wrong and he feels like he’s about to have a breakdown. Is he allowed to be this dramatic?
“I’m fine, I’m cool, see.” He does finger guns and lifts his left leg, holy shit he’s ruining everything right now. Is he sweating? He feels like he’s sweating through his hands and the soles of his feet, doesn’t even want to think about his face.
There’s this one SpongeBob meme where all the tiny SpongeBobs are running around big SpongeBob's brain in search for an answer, he feels exactly like that but on another level.
“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks, eyeing him suspiciously with his dumb hyung face.
“Yeah!” he screams it out and oh no, he wasn’t supposed to yell, they’re going to notice him having a breakdown over some comment.
“I’m fine,” it squeaks out of him and he sounds like a mouse. That’s not right, that’s not his voice, “I’m fine,” he tries again and his voice sounds too low.
“It’s just that you mentioned Jungkook going on a date.” Here it goes, he’s about to start rambling, “and— and— is it hot in here? It feels like I’m on fire. Can I take off my shirt, hyung? I can take it off and lie on the floor, yeah I’ll do that, it sounds good right now—”
“Namjoon, what are you talking about?” Yoongi’s authoritative voice comes out and Namjoon stands pliant under his gaze. This is also fine? He can work with this. If he stands still enough they will eventually leave.
“It’s just that, Jungkook is going on a date and I just— Seokjin set him up and that’s weird because I—,” what the fuck does he say? “We—” they’re looking at him and he feels like he’s melting right into the pavement of a cracked sidewalk. “He’s not supposed to be on dates with other people,” he finally says and that— that is truly something.
“What do you mean?” He can’t decipher who says it, he can’t even make eye contact with the two boys in front of him, feels like he’ll cry and won’t be able to stop.
And oh God, Namjoon is losing it, isn’t he? Jungkook is on a date with some boy and Namjoon is at home losing his mind over it, becoming a rambling mess in front of his hyungs.
It’s all wrong. Jungkook is supposed to be right here, right next to him. They usually wake up in bed, cuddle before one of them has to get up and make breakfast. Jungkook is not supposed to be going on dates with people Namjoon does not know. This isn’t how it’s meant to be going.
“He’s not—” he stutters a bit, “he shouldn’t be out on other dates when he’s—” he stops again and his feelings want to escape through his throat, claw their way out, one by one, “when he’s dating me,” he Finally says, can’t catch the words as they stumble out of his mouth, a bit like word vomit.
And that’s a surprise. It comes out so easily— like anything that is meant to be said does.
His hyungs are probably staring at him but he’s busy looking at the floor when the realization dawns on him.
Holy fuck, he’s dating Jungkook.
He gulps down a big nothingness. This moment requires him to swallow The giant pill that was dropped on him... by him. He lifts his head to look around the room just to check if this is real life and not some dream he’s living.
Kim Namjoon is dating Jeon Jungkook. Namjoon and Jungkook are Dating. Namjoon and Jungkook are boyfriends. And he gets it now, what people have been saying, he gets it now as the words leave his mouth.
Whatever Namjoon feels for Jungkook is BIG and it’s VISIBLE. They’ve been running around each other for so long and he’s failed to acknowledge the fact that they’ve been holding hands along the way. How is he barely realizing this?
Namjoon can’t believe it’s taken him so long to see this. It took Namjoon almost losing Jungkook to truly understand what he means to him. There’s messiness and there’s awkwardness but then— then there’s Jungkook.
Jungkook, who has been there since the beginning of everything, who has been there for Namjoon through it all— the good and bad.
There’s bad, like Namjoon failing an exam or not getting the scholarship he applied for, but then there’s Jungkook, who once easily offered to sell his piano, something he worked so hard to buy, in order to help Namjoon with rent that one semester. There’s Jungkook who would probably choose him in every single life they’re born into again even if they’re not meant to be together.
He looks around the apartment. He finds the plant (left of the living room by the coat hanger) Jungkook bought him once from a farmer’s market, he looks at the lamp (right near the entrance, by the shoe rack) Jungkook surprised him with when he first moved into this apartment, and he looks at the books scattered around the living room that Jungkook has left around the years.
Jungkook, made of everything kind in this world, has been committed to Namjoon for a while now, the same way Namjoon has been to him.
Like a quick flash of something small, a leaf soaring through the wind during fall, a gentle trace of hands on soft skin. So light, so quietly. There’s only silence when he reaches this level of clarity.
He’s in love with Jungkook.
He is in very big love with Jungkook. There’s not enough room for just liking, he thinks that’s been long gone for a while now.
Jungkook that once made his heartbeat too fast now steadies him when things are too tiring to think about. Jungkook that once made his hands shake from nerves now calms him when work is too hard. Jungkook that was once too much for Namjoon is now exactly what he needs, exactly what he wants.
They’re staring at him and Yoongi’s eyebrows have shot up to his hairline and Hoseok is smiling widely at him.
And this is The biggest Moment in Namjoon’s life, this right here, whatever mess this is. He thinks this is a pivotal point, the one where he realizes something big, all on his own. Sort of like a coming of age movie.
“Holy shit, I am a useless gay,” Namjoon finally says. It’s like something inside him clicks, he’s finally unlocked the final puzzle to a game, it all makes sense. This is big, whatever he’s feeling, it’s there and it’s Big. It’s all-encompassing. He brings his hand up to his mouth.
Namjoon and the giant ball of feelings he’s finally come to understand. The tangled ball of yarn has now unraveled into this.
“What?” Yoongi asks, sleepy eyes and all staring him down.
“Hyung.” his eyes are wide and he feels out of breath even if all he’s been doing is processing feelings, “I’m dating Jungkook,” he confesses like he’s finally able to reveal something he wasn’t allowed to, something buried deep within him.
“Yeah?” Hoseok asks and he’s wearing a soft smile.
“How do I know for sure?” Namjoon asks and he really doesn’t need to check, he already knows. He feels it, he’s just a bit scared of messing it up further. Whatever they have, it’s theirs. Jungkook has known all this time, he’s sure of it and Namjoon has been to dumb to realize it.
“Okay well, there are several ways you can check to see if you’re dating Jungkook,” Yoongi starts and plops down on the sofa next to Hoseok. Namjoon follows, Namjoon sits in front of them. They look like his parents about to give him the birds and bees talk.
“Cuddling is something you usually reserved for those you like,” Yoongi brings his hand to his chin to tap, wanting to look pensive and serious.
Namjoon thinks back to all the times he and Jungkook have cuddled. There’s cuddling every time Jungkook comes over, there’s cuddling after sex and there’s cuddling because they miss each other. There’s so much cuddling.
“Hand-holding is a major thing, as well,” Hoseok smiles as he says that.
Jungkook is always holding his hand whenever they do anything. Jungkook just always wants to be touching him, one way or another. There’s a copious amount of hand-holding.
“Sharing of clothing, big thing,” Hoseok adds as he holds out his fingers as he lists the things that count towards being in a relationship.
Oh my gosh. Even his hyungs have been trying to tell him all this time, too.
“And maybe verbal affection, you know?” Hoseok seems to be having a blast as he counts on his fingers and it’s making Namjoon uncomfortable because there are pet names alright and there’s domestic talk. This has been right in front of him for so long, how is he barely seeing it? Jungkook has brought up their future together, for crying out loud.
And Namjoon thinks this is Mistake number One: thinking that whatever he and Jungkook have was a friend thing. This isn’t a friend thing at all. Friends don’t kiss like they do.
“Hyung, I am so stupid,” Namjoon admits again, he looks at them both in the eye for the first time in a while and yes there may be a bit of a blush in his cheeks but that’s something else.
“I— I need to tell him. He can’t go on dates,” he frets again, “I like going on dates with him, that’s our thing.”
“Then you should really let him know, Joonie.” Hoseok looks at him and there’s that damn smile he wears.
“Before it’s too late and he’s fallen in love with date boy,” Yoongi comments, teasing him.
“But— but I’m date boy, that’s me.”
“Prove it then, Seokjin says they’re just waiting for the other dude to arrive,” Yoongi says as he checks his phone.
And if that doesn’t send a rush of adrenaline through Namjoon then he doesn’t know what does.
“I’m going to run it, where are my shoes?” Namjoon begins, pacing up and down the living room in search of a pair of shoes. Where are his shoes?
“The shoe rack is over there,” Yoongi says, pointing while Hoseok says, “we can drive you, you know.”
“You take too long to drive and Hoseok will want to change his fit for this alone. Plus, this isn’t about how I get there, hyung. ”
“Yes, it kind of is.”
“It’s about how much I want it, I can definitely run it before the dumb boy gets there, right?” Namjoon starts, grabbing a pair of shoes and clumsily putting them on. Jungkook will know, alright. He needs to get there before it’s too late.
“Joonie, are you okay?” Hoseok asks, eyeing him as Namjoon grabs a jacket too.
Mistake number Two: thinking Jungkook was just a friend. Friends are not friends if they’re in love and Namjoon isn't Namjoon if he’s not with Jungkook.
It’s so simple, see, Namjoon can easily describe to you in painful detail how Jungkook makes him feel. He could write ten thousand books and ten million poems about Jungkook and how easily they seem to fit together.
“I need to go,” he grabs his phone from the sofa. He can’t be late, he needs to run or else he won’t get there on time. Before he leaves on a date with a stranger.
He doesn’t give Hoseok and Yoongi the chance to respond before he’s out the front door. The last thing he hears is be safe and have fun from Hoseok.
Kim Namjoon, for the first time in his life, is running like his life depends on it. And really it kind of does. His life depends on it because he needs to tell Jungkook exactly how he feels. Needs to tell him about the big bubbling feeling swelling bigger in his chest the further he thinks about Jungkook and all the intimate moments they’ve shared together.
Mistake number Three: It took two years for Namjoon to realize that the relationship with his closest friend wasn’t as platonic as he thought. Two years for Namjoon to realize that he was in a relationship with Jungkook. Two years of kissing, two years of gentle touches, two years of soft stares.
He’s running and there’s a sting in his eyes from the cold air hitting them and he should stop to take a break but this is important. He needs to talk to Jungkook, needs to confront him about everything before he’s too scared to ever do it again.
He’s running until the freezing wind no longer bothers him and until he’s sure he’s about to pass out. He running until he’s finally outside of Jungkook’s door and pounding on it like if zombies are chasing after him. And god he hopes no one calls the cops on him. What would he even tell the police? Officer, I’ve just had the biggest gay epiphany and everyone needs to know.
It’s Jimin who answers the door. He’s in his pajamas and probably going to bed soon.
“Hyung? What’s wrong?” Jimin sounds worried as he asks but Namjoon can’t dwell on it. He’s fine, he just really needs to talk to Jungkook.
“Can I please come in?” Namjoon asks quickly and Jimin looks at him up and down before moving aside and opening the door wider for Namjoon to step in.
The first person Namjoon finds sitting on the living room sofa is, to no one’s surprise, Seokjin. And he has a lot of nerve setting up Jungkook on dates when he’s known all along too.
“Where is Jungkook?” Namjoon asks and he thinks he might be crying. His eyes are watery and from the run and he feels his limbs shaking, about to fall off.
“Jungkook can’t come to the phone right now. Oh, why? Because—”
“Hyung.” Namjoon interrupts him with a glare.
“Right,” Seokjin stops to roll his eyes and tilts his head back, “Jungkookie, come out here for a minute, yeah?” Seokjin yells to the other room before turning back to smile at Namjoon.
There’s footsteps, “What’s up, hyung?” Jungkook asks as he approaches from his room and oh God has he always looked this perfect? His long hair is sleek on his face, he has his dangly earrings on, but— Namjoon looks down to Jungkook’s clothing, he’s wearing Captain America pajamas. Namjoon’s Captain America pajamas. And that doesn’t look like date clothing but fuck he looks beautiful. He’s real and Namjoon sees the scar on his cheek and He’s so in love, it even makes him angry.
“Jungkook!” Namjoon almost yells, it’s the first thing that leaves his mouth. He didn’t think this part through but he needs to know. Can’t continue until Jungkook answers him. He sounds rather crazy and that’s because he just ran without stopping to drink water.
Jungkook looks surprised, he’s looking at Namjoon like he isn’t real and Namjoon doesn’t like it. Namjoon steps closer.
“Hyung? What… what are you doing here?” Jungkook looks startled and a bit perplexed. He looks at Seokjin and then back at Namjoon.
He has every right to be, Namjoon thinks. Because he bets he looks feral as he stands here in his living room with nothing but big eyes and ragged breaths.
“Jungkookie, I’m so sorry for being an idiot,” He needs to say it, he sounds like he’s about to cry but he feels like he’ll go crazy if he doesn’t.
So then he’s going to have to say it— out loud.
“How long have we been dating," he pauses, "shit, fuck,” There’s a pout on Namjoon’s lips and his nostrils are a slightly flared. Namjoon is a bit angry at himself for not realizing it sooner. He's an idiot.
Namjoon thinks back to all their moments. There’s: Jungkook who likes throwing himself on Namjoon when he saw him, didn’t care where they were, Jungkook holding his hand every time they went out, Jungkook using every single heart emoji every time they text, Jungkook who brings him flowers and stares at him as if he’s the one that created music. Jungkook cuddling him as if they belonged together in another life and simply wants to get back after missing out for so long. It’s all too much.
A small smile breaks out on Jungkook’s face, the one he usually reserves for small moments made for them both and holy shit Namjoon is in love with him and he feels like he’s about to explode from all the good things Jungkook makes him feel.
I thought you knew, you— you would kiss me all the time,” he says gently, not wanting to ruin this moment but Namjoon doesn’t think it can be ruined when this moment belongs to them.
Namjoon is pouting, he knows he is because it isn’t fair, “you never said anything,” he accuses Jungkook, walking closer. He still feels out of breath even if he stopped running a while back.
He sees Jungkook go a bit red, “I didn’t think I needed to. I thought— I thought I was obvious about it all,” Jungkook says.
He thinks back again. There’s: cuddling, kissing, sharing of clothing, pet names, dates, and then there’s Jungkook who looks at Namjoon like he can’t believe he’s real, like if the fear of blinking sits in his mind because he’s afraid Namjoon will disappear and never come back if he does.
And fuck Jungkook was so obvious, it pains Namjoon to think about it now.
“You— you were going on a date and I panicked— Kookie, I’m so sorry I didn’t—”
“I’m not going on any date, hyung said he was coming over to play Mario karts,” Jungkook tilts his head to one side like a confused puppy.
He shouldn’t be surprised at all because Seokjin is Seokjin and Namjoon will never know what he’s up to.
They both look at Seokjin who is currently watching them from the couch while eating a bag of chips.
“Hyung, Yoongi said Jungkook was going on a date and I had the biggest gay epiphany on our sofa so I ran it over here. I thought of fifty-two ways to say I'm sorry to Jungkook for not realizing my feelings sooner because clearly I'm an idiot and no one here is a team player."
“It’s perfect then, you get some cardio in, you get your boyfriend back, and you figure out you're gay for Jungkook. You can’t be mad at me for fixing something you were too dumb to acknowledge.” Seokjin munches loudly and Namjoon can’t help but let his jaw drop just a bit because of his hyung and his tactics.
"Hyung!" Taehyung appears from the other room with red dye in one hand and a bottle of red liquid in the other. His eyes are a bit wide and his hair is in the process of being red. "Did the plan work? Yoongi-hyung said Namjoon ran over here." He's smiling with his big boxy smile.
Jimin is behind him, catching his breath, "hyung, I told him to wait but he didn't listen." He points at Taehyung like a five year old snitching on their sibling.
Holy fuck, Namjoon's going to end them all. He doesn't know where to start so he turns back to Jungkook instead, who also has confusion written all over his face.
“Jungkook,” he begins again, ignoring the rest of the boys, he’ll yell at them (out of love, of course) once this gets settled, “you’re my boyfriend and I'm the biggest fool alive,” he finally acknowledges, needs to say it loud enough for everyone and anyone to hear.
“Yeah,” Jungkook starts smiling again, “I’m glad you’ve caught on.”
“You— you take me on dates—you—” Namjoon pauses, panicking a bit over this, “you call me every single night to talk about fate, you kiss me when you leave for class, you— we—” He leans over to Jungkook with blushed cheeks, “we have sex,” he yells quietly. Namjoon huffs and it makes Jungkook giggle cutely.
“Fuck,” Namjoon says again because he can, because he’s so in love with the younger boy in front of him.
“It’s a very long story,” Jungkook mumbles, rubbing at the back of his neck, using this opportunity to look back at Seokjin. His cheeks are a bit red.
“So?” Namjoon asks again and he feels his heart thumping in his chest. He waits.
“Two years,” Jungkook doesn’t even have to do the math, doesn’t even hesitate, “at least that’s what I have written on my planner,” and he’s smiling so widely with his giant bunny teeth and big eyes.
Namjoon almost yanks all his hair out but settles with breathing in slowly.
“Jungkook, I love you.” It comes out like word vomit but Namjoon needs to say it. “I really love you.” And it’s like a breath of fresh air.
Jungkook looks stunned as the word leave Namjoon’s mouth but Namjoon can’t help it, he needs to catch up for all the time missed.
“Hyung,” Jungkook looks like he’s about to cry and yeah Jungkook always cries but he looks like he’s about to cry with round glossy eyes and Namjoon wants to hug him.
“Wait, let me just say this now. I need to say it because it’s the truth and because I thought about it while running over here,” Namjoon stops to take a deep breath in, “I love you,” he says it again before starting, just because he likes how it sounds when it comes out of his mouth, “And I’m so sorry. You made the awkwardness of intimacy feel so light in my hands.” He brings Jungkook closer to him, finally holding him in his arms, “I finally understood that I like being touched and hugged because it’s by you, because it isn’t weird for me. You made it normal and maybe that’s why I never realized the shift from our friendship to something more. You’ve always made me feel safe, from the very beginning” Namjoon pauses to clear his throat and he thinks he might be crying, “I’ve always had trouble initiating things but you’ve always been so good about it. The touches, the stares, the kisses, they’re all something I got used to because they came from you.” Namjoon sees Jungkook’s eyes watering so he grips his hand tighter, “I never had to think about us or what we were because there’s always been a us before there was anything else. Whatever we have, it’s always been ours.”
And there. It’s out in the open. Whatever he feels for Jungkook, the big things and the small ones, are visible in the light and maybe even in the dark.
Jungkook is looking at him with his big doe eyes and Namjoon feels like he’ll explode from this moment alone.
He’s too caught up in his own thoughts that Jungkook throwing himself on him catches him completely by surprise. Jungkook buries his face deep into Namjoon’s neck and nuzzles into his collarbone. He does that for a while before he finally lifts his head up.
“I’ve missed you, hyung,” Jungkook says first and he looks so honest and open.
Namjoon bites his lip to stop himself from letting out a weird sound, “Yeah?” He wipes at Jungkook’s tears.
“Yes, I always miss you so much but this time I’ve missed you more than usual.”
“I love you so much, Jungkookie,” Namjoon thinks he could say it forever. He's allowing himself to be selfish for a couple of seconds as he holds this boy in his arms.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Jungkook states again, “I love you so much. Do you know how hard it’s been not being able to say that out loud to you every second of every day?”
It makes a laugh escape Namjoon’s mouth, “My poor baby, I’m sorry it took me this long,” Namjoon says for like the tenth time tonight.
Jungkook is looking at him with blushed cheeks, “I love you, hyung.” He looks determined.
Namjoon is looking at him in the eye, can’t look away now, “I really love you too, I’m here now, you have me.”
Namjoon loves him. And just like breathing, it’s the easiest thing he’s ever done, the easiest thing he’ll have to do.
Namjoon doesn’t think he’s lucky. That’s not the right word to use when talking about someone that makes him feel like the multitudes of the universe. Lucky means something apparently happened by chance, that it might’ve not happened but it did. Namjoon isn’t made up of luck, he knows this. Just how he knows that the sky and the earth will always meet in the middle, that the sun touches the ocean before it leaves for the day, and how he knows for a fact he’ll never meet anyone like Jungkook again.
He didn’t meet Jungkook by chance.
Again, Namjoon is a big believer in fate, he’s gone through this already, it’s the truest term he can hold close to his heart. Whatever it is, fate: a feeling, a fleeting moment, a cause, he believes in it— in its singularities and its wholes. He knows this to be true because the principles of life, these predetermined forces, created them both and then brought them together. Because life’s divinity started with them and will one day end with them too. And even if fate is just a silly little word, he still believes he'd meet Jungkook and choose him anyway. A hundred times, a million, a hundred million, a myriad.
It’s written in the stars, Namjoon thinks but will never say since Jungkook likes to cry over the little things.
“Today is ours, right?” Jungkook asks with big hopeful eyes and there’s a smile playing at his lips.
“Tomorrow is ours too.” Namjoon means it, there’s a pause before he continues “and the next day and the next day and the next day and the—”
Jungkook covers his mouth as loud laughter makes its way around the room.
Namjoon kisses him in this tiny living room that now feels a thousand times bigger than before. Kisses him with everything he’s felt before but just now understanding what it means.
they're very good
Chapter 4: The One with The First, First time
Jeon Jungkook feels like he’s about to die... or at least something like that.
Park Jimin stands in front of him with glossy lips, pink earrings and with a look of determination settled deep in his eyes. The glitter on his eyelids becomes more prominent the further he moves around. He stomps his chelsea boot loudly on the wooden floor and it makes Taehyung chuckle from the bathroom.
“It will be fun, Jungkookie. I promise. When does hyung ever break his promises?” And Jimin is giving him his infamous look, the one he usually puts on when he wants something his way. His hair is swept to the side and he’s oozing nothing but confidence.
“All the time.” Jungkook recalls Jimin setting him up for embarrassment in front of others, wanting him to make friends.
“That’s libel and I will not be putting up with more of that.” Jimin glares, “Plus it’s just hyung’s apartment. You know them.” Jimin tries again, anything to make Jungkook go out with them. His tactics getting further into Jungkook’s head. Seokjin had invited them over to his apartment and Jimin was dying to go once he found out alcohol was going to be provided.
Taehyung leans out from the restroom, “Namjoon- hyung will be there, Kookie,” he sings, wiggling his eyebrows in the process before he’s going back into the room to fix his vibrant blue hair. It’s a phase, Jungkook thinks.
Jungkook feels his cheeks go red for two reasons: he’s being teased by his hyungs over something he confessed while drunk and because he, Jeon Jungkook, has the biggest crush on Kim Namjoon. He’s had this swelling in his chest for a long while, doesn’t matter if the only reason why he says he likes Namjoon is because he’s extremely nice and because no one has ever paid attention to him while he’s talking the way Namjoon- hyung has. There’s more to his crush, but that’s a good start.
“That doesn’t matter,” Jungkook stutters out quickly, he stares at his reflection in Jimin’s mirror by his desk. He frowns at what he sees. His big nose seeming infinitely bigger than usual, the scar on his cheek looking weirder than ever, and the mole under his bottom lip seeming to ruin his whole face the more he stares at it. He looks away.
“Of course it matters, sweetheart.” Jimin is now pulling him into his closet to get him dressed up. Jungkook lets him because he doesn’t think he could ever say no to Jimin. Jimin chooses the nicest shirt and the tightest pants.
“He doesn’t even like me,” Jungkook mutters quietly, he looks down at his feet. He can’t say more because he knows he’ll start crying in front of Jimin and then Jimin will want to stay home with him.
“Jungkook, look at me,” Jimin commands and it takes everything in Jungkook not to run off under his covers and hide. He lifts his head so Jimin can continue, “I don’t know if you know this but hyung definitely has a crush on you.”
And Jungkook’s cheeks go even redder as his eyes widen, “hey! You’re not allowed to joke like that.” He’s pouting because he doesn’t think what he feels for Namjoon is a joke. It never has been. His hyungs are always teasing him so he doesn’t know when they’re being serious or not.
Jimin laughs at him, “I’m not joking, why would I joke about this?” He doesn’t let Jungkook answer before he’s calling out to his boyfriend, “Tae, baby, does hyung like Jungkook?”
He hears Taehyung giggle from the restroom, “I thought we weren’t supposed to say anything?” He calls out.
Jimin rolls his eyes as he fixes his hair, “We’ll just say Jin- hyung told him.”
Jungkook is just staring at them as they have this conversation and feels like his heart will jump out of his chest at any given second.
“Yeah, Namjoon- hyung is very slow about things like this but that’s fine!” Jimin makes big hand gestures even if he’s small, “He likes you, Kookie. That man is smart at everything ever but at feelings. There’s a reason he’s not majoring in that field” Jimin picks up a blush brush and pats at his cheeks with the last remaining excess of blush.
Jungkook pouts, unsure about it all because is Namjoon is Namjoon. He’s a junior majoring in environmental studies with a minor in creative writing while Jungkook is a freshman majoring in film production. There’s Namjoon that seems to be apart of every club on campus and then there’s Jungkoook who can barely make friends and has a single job interview for a position at the university library next Tuesday. It’s all so unrealistic and so dumb and Jungkook can’t to think about it further without feeling like he’s about to break in half.
And it’s not like they’ve never talked before because they do but Jungkook likes to go red anytime Namjoon says anything remotely nice to him. Jungkook doesn’t know what to do or how to approach him at all. They’re great together, they’re always talking and laughing but Jungkook is nervous and he’s also a loser with a giant crush on him.
“Hey,” Jimin calls out and sets a small hand on his shoulder, “you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. We just thought it would be fun for you to get out of these dorms for a while.” A gentle smile sets itself gracefully on his lips and it makes Jungkook smile back.
Jungkook trusts Jimin. If one thing is true, it’s that. He met Jimin and Taehyung in one of his art classes during high school. He knew Jimin and wherever Jimin went, Taehyung always followed.
“Okay hyung, I’ll get ready,” Jungkook responds and he touches Jimin’s hand on his shoulder. He hopes he made the right choice by saying yes.
Jimin squeals, another battle won, “this will be so fun! Trust me, Jungkookie. Namjoon will definitely see you tonight.”
Jungkook feels the butterflies in his stomach do somersaults on a mat. He really hopes to see Namjoon tonight.
Namjoon is tipsy when Jungkook first gets there.
They arrive around midnight after Jimin’s fourth change of wardrobe. Jungkook has come to understand that tipsy Namjoon is more vibrant than usual. Jungkook had shyly waved at Namjoon before quickly making his way into the bathroom to wash his face.
He was nervous, the music was too loud, and Namjoon looked stunning with his new hair color. It wasn’t until Seokjin interrupted his mini breakdown that he came back to his senses. Seokjin knocks on the door once before stepping in without caring if Jungkook was occupied or not.
“Don’t know if you know but you can’t have personal parties in the bathroom.”
Jungkook blushes, doesn’t know how to say that he’s nervous to go out and face Namjoon. “Just wanted to wash my face,” Jungkook begins, he can’t make eye contact or he’ll give himself away.
“Jungkook-ah, whatever you’re nervous about, I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal.” Seokjin leans over the sink to fix his hair, he doesn’t seem to care about the fact that they’re in a tiny bathroom together as he stares at himself in the mirror.
“You’re nervous too, hyung.” Jungkook comments as he continues to watch Seokjin fix his hair, stroke after stroke.
Seokjin turns to him, “of course I am, Yoongi and Hoseok are here.” He pats at his glossed lips, “I think they want to fuck,” he says, collectedly, and Jungkook sucks in a breath. Is he the right person Seokjin should be having this conversation with?
“You—” Jungkook pauses to clear his throat, “you like them?”
Seokjin hums, “maybe, yeah, I think I do.” Doesn’t even point out who it is he likes and Jungkook is starting to think it’s both of them.
“Like…. Together… the three of you?”
“Maybe, yeah,” Seokjin says again. He places his hands on the edge of the sink and looks down at them, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous, Kookie-ah,” Seokjin confesses easily and it puts Jungkook at ease— knowing that his hyung is worked up over something that anyone can easily look at and say: the three of you, Yoongi, Seokjin, and Hoseok, are all in love and belong together in every life.
“You should talk to them hyung, it wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
Seokjin looks at him for a couple of seconds before a smile breaks out on his lips, “You know what, Jungkookie? I approve of you.” He pats Jungkook on the shoulder with a heavy hand before he’s opening the door and allowing the booming music to enter.
“Approve of me for what?” There’s a pause and then a stare.
“For Namjoon, you should really follow your own advice.” It’s the last thing Seokjin says before he’s throwing a kiss goodbye in Jungkook’s direction. He’s gone and Jungkook stays frozen in his shoes.
Somehow Seokjin knows about his obvious crush on Namjoon and that clearly makes Jungkook feel some way. Jungkook is used to Seokjin’s overbearing parental figure speeches and his random acts of love but sometimes he doesn’t know what to expect from that hyung.
There’s a knock on the door before it’s opened by a sweaty Jimin.
“Jungkookie,” Jimin chides, looking at him like an angry parent, “you can’t hide in this bathroom forever.”
“No, I know, I just came to breath for a bit.” Jungkook looks away again.
Jimin’s hard eyes turn soft at that, easily understanding what Jungkook means. Jimin knows him like if Jungkook is his son and maybe that’s why they’re best friends.
“Okay,” he pauses to smile for a bit, “c’mon, Namjoon was asking for you.” Jimin holds out his hand out for Jungkook to grasp, he gestures towards the crowded living room where Namjoon, who somehow makes him feel things he’s never felt before, resides.
Jungkook smiles and grabs ahold of Jimin’s hand, he lets the older boy lead him back to the loud music. Let’s the sound of his heartbeat grow in his ears as he sees Namjoon talking to Taehyung and Hoseok.
He goes to sit by Taehyung and slowly counts his breaths. He can do this.
“That his third drink?” Taehyung asks as they watch Namjoon dance around the living room with a cup of something in his hand.
“I think?” Jungkook hesitates as he watches Namjoon spill some of it down his shirt and disappear into the material. It stains it. Jungkook pouts. Clumsy hyung, he thinks.
Namjoon dances to a song that Jungkook doesn’t have the energy to figure out. He’s never heard it so it all makes it difficult.
It’s Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jimin dancing in the middle of the living room without a care in the world. The music is too loud and the drinks are too strong for Jungkook to take in but as he watches Namjoon sway his hips to the song, he feels fully and completely intoxicated. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol but he feels it, the warmth filling up his bones and making him invincible.
He watches Namjoon say some large words in English and open his eyes as wide as they can go. Jungkook plays with the material of the sofa and hears his heartbeat thumping loudly.
“Who gave him that drink?” He asks slowly, watching Namjoon take down another gulp. He feels fuzzy inside the further he watches him.
“Jin- hyung. He named it the J-i-n and tonic,” Taehyung mutters as they watch the show in front of them. They can’t seem to take their eyes off of them.
Jungkook laughs at that, “that’s great,” he huffs because he can’t do anything else. All he knows is that he can’t let Namjoon grab another drink. He has to stop Namjoon somewhere. The only thing stopping Namjoon from falling into drunk oblivion is, well, Jungkook.
Namjoon had originally placed his hand on Jungkook’s knee and had asked why he wasn’t drinking. Jungkook said he was a light weight and usually had more fun while sober. Namjoon called him cute and asked if he could watch over him since he’s not usually a heavy drinker and only agreed to today because Seokjin- hyung is a nightmare disguised as a friend. Namjoon had said the last part with a smile. Jungkook said yes because he can’t imagine saying anything but that.
He watches in amusement, he sees Namjoon lean back to dump the rest of the drink into his mouth. Namjoon furrows his eyebrows when he realizes that his drink is actually not bottomless and does end at some point.
“I think that’s my cue,” Jungkook mumbles to Taehyung before getting up and walking towards Namjoon in the middle of the living room. It feels like his heart quickens the closer he gets.
“Hi hyung,” Jungkook reaches him and places a steady hand on Namjoon’s waist, he gulps.
“Jungkookie! I was just thinking about you,” Namjoon says and he sounds excited. He’s jumping up and down on his heels.
“Yeah?” Jungkook goes red and his eyes go wide, Namjoon’s blunt comment catching him by surprise. He doesn’t think he’s ready for this, doesn’t think he can make it through the night without exploding.
“Yeah, I’m always thinking about you.” Namjoon smiles at him and he goes to quickly poke at Jungkook’s mole on his bottom lip. Jungkook almost forgets why he got up in the first place. He then lets Namjoon run his finger over his scar before he finally snaps out of the trance. He remembers he’s here for something and that doesn’t include getting distracted by cute boys.
“Do you want to go sit down with me?” Jungkook asks as he gestures towards the sofa where Taehyung is currently lounging on.
“Yeah, we can but later,” Namjoon answers with a nod, “right now I have to fill this up.” He shows Jungkook his empty red cup and shakes it a bit. He doesn’t let Jungkook reply before he’s off to find something to drink.
“I can fill it up with water, would you like that, hyung?” Jungkook asks as he follows him towards the kitchen. The kitchen is empty when they get there but they find remaining evidence of Seokjin. He had been making all the drinks before stopping to get shit faced too.
Namjoon makes a face of disgust at the mention of water, “was thinking more of soju mixed with,” he picks up a random white bottle from the kitchen counter and squints his eyes while reading it, “malibu,” he reads in English as he shoves the bottle into Jungkook’s face.
Seokjin had bought some American liquor as well, simply for the taste of it and to get drunker than usual. There wasn’t really a special occasion to celebrate, Seokjin just wanted to get drunk until he saw stars. Everyone agreed because it was Seokjin.
“It’s coconut flavor, isn’t that healthy enough? It’s something like water,” Namjoon offers and then opens the bottle to pour some into his cup.
Jungkook goes to take the bottle away. He knows Namjoon is tipsy and only wants to get even drunker but Namjoon had asked Jungkook to watch over him.
“Water is healthy enough and can sober you up.”
“But my drink already tastes like water so I think that argument is kind of invalid, Kookie,” Namjoon comments and yeah, okay, Namjoon is being stubborn and Jungkook mentally groans at that.
“Please, hyung, for me?” Jungkook says through a pout, he puts on his best puppy eyes. Namjoon stops and stares at him for a moment before quickly closing his eyes.
“No, that’s cheating! I will not fall for that! I always do but not this time!” Namjoon covers his eyes with a hand as he backs up against the counter.
Jungkook can’t help but let out a giggle at that. He feels nervous over this moment alone and he doesn’t know why. Namjoon is sweating a bit from all the dancing he’s done so it’s glistening off of him like glitter.
Holy shit, Jungkook has got it bad and Namjoon has absolutely no idea.
“You told me you didn’t want to get shit faced, what changed?” Jungkook asks as he smiles at him. There’s no anger in his tone, just curiosity. He doesn’t think he could ever get mad at Namjoon for something this small.
Namjoon shrugs, “I know but then I thought about it and I felt like I deserved it after a long week,” Namjoon replies and there’s no anger laced in his voice either. They’re just smiling at each other and it seems like they’re sharing a secret, feels like this is something that belongs to them.
“Plus, if I get too drunk you’ll take care of me, right?” Namjoon asks, he’s looking at him and oh my gosh, Jungkook thinks he might be flirting as Namjoon looks at him with his eyes and gives a smile.
Namjoon is flirting and Jungkook has no idea how to flirt back. He should have paid attention to Jimin all those times he was giving him tips. Jungkook thinks he’s sweating now under Namjoon’s gaze.
Jungkook’s cheeks are flushed again, he looks down because he doesn’t want Namjoon to see how shy he gets. He thinks he’ll always be there to take care of Namjoon at times like this. He’d take care of Namjoon even if he wasn’t drunk. It doesn’t matter if Jungkook tries to stop him and Namjoon doesn’t listen, he thinks he could take care of him forever and that’s what scares Jungkook the most.
“Of course, I will. But you can’t stop me from saying I told you so when you fall on your face.” Jungkook teases, finally getting the courage to look up and reply.
Namjoon cackles, “if anything, you’ll be the one tripping me, brat.” he reaches to pinch his side and Jungkook squeals, moving back.
“Whatever you say, hyung. You’ve been warned,” Jungkook says slowly with squinted eyes, simply for the dramatic effect. He goes to leave before he embarrasses himself further, he has to get out of here, he’s scared he’ll confess all the big feelings he has stored inside him.
“Hey, wait!” Namjoon calls out for him before he’s able to leave.
Jungkook looks back at him and Namjoon is gesturing him back to where they were standing.
“Did I forget something?” Jungkook walks back to where he was.
“Yeah,” Namjoon stops, “I just wanted to tell you that you look really pretty tonight.”
Jungkook, whose cheeks are probably just red forever now, can’t seem to form words as he hears the compliment leave Namjoon’s mouth.
Namjoon is looking at him and his eyes are glossy and heavy lidded after all the drinking and there’s a smile planted on his lips and he looks so beautiful. Jungkook sucks in a breath the more he stares at Namjoon. He wants to reach over and trace the mole under Namjoon’s bottom lip. They both have it in the same place and Jungkook believes in soulmates so this must mean something big.
“Thank you, hyung. You look very pretty, too.” Jungkook really wants to say more. He likes the way Namjoon smiles and his dimples appear, encapsulating attributes of the moon— like how it provides the gentleness of its light over a lake during the night, it’s hard to explain but Jungkook feels the heavy pang in his chest. He likes the way Namjoon’s eyes crease when he’s laughing, likes all the moles on Namjoon’s face and on his neck, likes his mouth and likes his hair and likes his big hands and likes his eyes when he’s excited about something small.
“Kookie, I’m serious.” Namjoon’s smile grows and it looks light on his face, it’s one of Jungkook’s favorite smiles. It makes his stomach flip and he feels like a high school student with a giant crush all over again.
The same beat. Thump, thump, thump. Jungkook thinks back to all the times they’ve hung out and has realized that Namjoon shows he cares through all the ways you wouldn’t usually think about. Namjoon says: here, I bought you this because I saw the way you smiled when I brought it up. Namjoon says: I thought about you while I was out and here’s why. Namjoon goes: please don’t forget to text me when you’re home safe. Namjoon says: Let’s watch this because I know you like it.
He walks back towards the living room and sits right back down where Taehyung had been at.
“You let him keep drinking, didn’t you?” Taehyung asks as he chuckles, not even sparing a glance.
“Absolutely not,” Jungkook says and hopes his flushed cheeks don’t give him away. He feels himself starting to breathe correctly now that he’s out of the kitchen.
He watches Namjoon walk right into the living room with his cup filled all the way up and a big smile on his face. Namjoon walks over to Jimin and Hoseok who are doing just dance on the game console. Jungkook smiles once and he feels it deep in his chest.
Thump, thump, thump. Like something making music out of his own heart.
“It’s going to be another long night,” Taehyung comments as he watches the rest of the boys too. He’s looking at Jimin dance. He sounds happy and Jungkook can’t help but agree.
Seconds turn into minutes and minutes eventually turn into hours. By the time Jungkook realizes it, two hours have gone by. He had been too busy talking with Taehyung and laughing at the jokes being passed around the apartment to check the time on his phone.
He unlocks it once again and checks the time: almost three.
Namjoon had continued drinking. He’s dancing with Hoseok to another song but his body seemed more relaxed. He doesn’t shy away from the music and only sways his hips harder to the beat of the song.
Jungkook watches them dance and he can’t help but let giggles leave his mouth.
Namjoon looks happy, Jungkook knows this because he feels it. It radiates off of Namjoon like beams would on a sunny day. It’s so intoxicating.
When Namjoon throws his head back to laugh at the joke Seokjin says. When Namjoon swirls his hips to the song that Jungkook can’t even pay attention to because of the energy he’s exuding. He feels it completely when Namjoon locks eyes with him from across the room. The Earth stops spinning on its axis for those seconds that their eyes meet. Namjoon smiles at him and Jungkook doesn’t have to look at his lips because he feels it.
When Namjoon smiles, it radiates, everyone feeds off of it. When Namjoon is sad, everyone senses it, through the lyrics he writes in his journal. It’s a funny feeling, afterall, he’s never felt it like this before.
Jungkook can still vividly remember meeting Namjoon for the first time at the club fair in the beginning of the school year. Namjoon had been wearing jean shorts, long rainbow socks, and a shirt that had the Captain America shield in rainbow patterns. He had been passing out flyers for the LGBTQ club on campus like if it was the easiest thing to do, like if Jungkook hadn’t been struggling with figuring himself out.
This was the first time he ever saw him, standing six feet tall in the middle of the sidewalk with nothing but positivity radiating off of him.
It goes something like this: Namjoon goes up to him first. He says “nice pin” as he points at Jungkook’s rainbow pin settled on his backpack. Jungkook doesn’t respond as quickly as he should, he stutters out a “thank you.” Then Jungkook takes one look at Namjoon’s thighs and poof, ashes to ashes right in the middle of this crowded club fair. He didn’t even stand a chance from the very beginning.
Namjoon would look at him and smile, the softness reaching his eyes before it did his lips and Jungkook would hear the bells going off in his head at a rapid loud pace.
“Kookie?” Namjoon says for the fifth time as he waves a hand towards Jungkook. Jungkook quickly snaps himself out of his own thoughts and stares back at Namjoon.
“He wants you to go dance,” Taehyung says from beside him, he’s chuckling as he watches Namjoon stumble around Jimin like a dog playing with a puppy and forgetting he’s twice their size.
“Let’s go dance, then,” Jungkook laughs as he pulls Taehyung along with him towards the circle where time seems to disappear right along with stress.
“I like this song,” Namjoon whispers loudly into his ear, gripping onto his shoulder now that Jungkook is in the middle of the dance floor with him.
Jungkook is too busy staring at Namjoon, too busy taking everything in. It must be a nice song though since Namjoon likes it this much— likes it enough to throw his head back and let out a happy howl.
“Yeah?” Jungkook asks as he places a gentle hand on Namjoon’s waist. He hopes that’s the right step. Namjoon nods through closed eyes.
“Me too,” Jungkook says and at this point, he has no idea what he’s talking about. I like the song, I like this moment, I like you.
“I’m sorry I suck at dancing, Jungkookie,” Namjoon says as they sway together. Jungkook feels his heartbeat quicken the closer Namjoon gets. There’s lights all around them and it’s sort of dizzying but he holds on to Namjoon like if he’s what grounds Jungkook.
“It’s alright, you’re really good.” There’s a bit of blush on his cheeks even if he’s the one to give out a compliment.
“You should teach me someday with all that dancing you’re doing with Hobi- hyung.” Namjoon leans into his ear to whisper and fuck Jungkook feels himself suck in a breath.
And then another song begins to play, Namjoon’s eyes light up like stars. Jungkook’s stomach does a flip once.
“I love this song so much.” Namjoon begins to dance around, swaying his hips even more now.
Jungkook knows this song, he’s heard it multiple times and even has it saved to his phone.
“Fleetwood Mac,” Jungkook says too quickly, there’s a shy smile on his face because he answers too fast in order to impress Namjoon. Namjoon’s eyes are wide and he’s laughing and it’s making Jungkook laugh too.
“Yes! Oh my gosh, you know this song?”
“Yeah, I have this song on my phone.”
I wanna be with you everywhere , the song plays and Jungkook understands it with utmost clarity now that Namjoon is holding on to him, looking at him as if he’s the one that discovered the sun and settled it above them so they could see it every day.
“Do you know what this means?” Namjoon asks, there’s a giant smile on his lips and he hasn’t stopped dancing. He grabs Jungkook’s other hand and places it on his waist.
Jungkook’s mouth feels a bit dry, “what?” He says. Thump, thump, thump.
Jungkook like to think this is the catalyst: Namjoon moves closer to Jungkook, way closer now than before, reaches his ear and then whispers loudly, “we’re going to end up dating.” Namjoon is drunk, yes, but his words sound honest and open. They sound real.
Jungkook begins choking on the air, he has to remove his hands from Namjoon’s waist to cover his mouth. He feels his cheeks heating up as he replays Namjoon’s words in his head.
“What?” Jungkook sounds terrified as he questions Namjoon because the words coming out of his mouth make Jungkook want to explode or perhaps start levitating.
“You know.” Namjoon smiles and pulls away like it’s normal, “like boyfriend and boyfriend,” he says a bit louder, doesn’t even miss a beat. Maybe because he thought Jungkook didn’t hear him. Namjoon says it loud enough for the people around him to hear. Jungkook, a human, can only handle so much before his cheeks stay red forever.
He looks to his left and sees Taehyung doing the shimmy as he stares at them, he’s raising his eyebrows up and down while a smirk sits on his lips. Oh gosh, Taehyung heard and he’s going to tell Jimin and they’ll never let him live peacefully now.
“Unless, you don’t want to?” Namjoon sounds hesitant and Jungkook hates it.
“No!” Jungkook shouts, doesn’t mean to but he’s never been in this position before.
“No— I mean yes I would like to take you out— I mean if you wanted— we could be boyfriend and boyfriend— we could do boyfriends— we could date— we can definitely do…. that.” He wishes to leave the country and never come back.
Namjoon stares at him for a bit longer before he’s smiling again, “you’re cute, Jungkookie.” He grabs Jungkook’s hands again and the closer he steps, the further it sends thrills down Jungkook’s back. Namjoon boops his nose and says “cute” again.
Namjoon is a cute drunk and Jungkook really wants to kiss him here, right in front of everyone in the middle of this living room. Namjoon looks beautiful and Jungkook just to tell him in all the ways he’s able to.
“This is why I really like you,” Namjoon whispers out like if it’s the easiest thing he’s ever said.
Jungkook doesn’t know how to react to that confession so he squeezes Namjoon’s hand, hoping that works for now.
Namjoon’s cheeks are flushed from the alcohol intake and his eyes are glossy. Jungkook doesn’t know what to do now, he’s never been in this position.
“Jungkook-ah!” Seokjin screams from the other side of the room. They both turn to look to see Seokjin standing by the kitchen with two bottles of alcohol.
“C’mere, I need to show you something.”
Jungkook nods before turning back to Namjoon, “I’ll be back, I promise.”
Namjoon is giggling but still manages to nod, “okay, I’ll be here.”
Jungkook turns around and tries his hardest not to sprint off. He slowly reaches the kitchen and has to hold in the squeal wanting to escape his mouth.
“Gosh, Kook-ah, you were so bad out there. You’re lucky Namjoon has a soft spot for cute things.” Seokjin is leaning against the kitchen counter with a red cup in his hands. He’s a bit sweaty after dancing for so long and now as he stands under the light, he looks so beautiful and Jungkook is jealous for a total of three seconds before it vanishes.
“I wasn’t that bad.” Jungkook steps closer, pulling at a chair to sit down. He huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.
“What’s your definition of bad then?”
“Hyung.” Jungkook glares at him and it makes Seokjin laugh. He takes a sip out of his cup and Jungkook hopes it’s water.
“Well, I called you over because I saw you turn completely red at one point and I don’t think my flashing lights go red.”
Jungkook feels his ears heat up.
“Namjoon is just very—” He stops to think about his words carefully.
“Honest? Blunt?” Seokjin offers, setting his cup on the counter and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Jungkook nods slowly without making eye-contact, tries his hardest to stop his cheeks from heating up.
“Yeah, Namjoonie is something else when he’s drunk but don’t let his horrible dancing fool you. Whatever comes out of his mouth is usually something he’s been meaning to say.”
“How do you know?”
“Did he tell you he liked you?”
Jungkook purses his lips and looks away, a bit shy now under Seokjin- hyungs gaze.
“Were you supposed to tell me this?”
Seokjin shrugs, “I’ll just say Jimin told you.”
Jungkook chuckles awkwardly, he still can’t wrap his mind on the fact that Namjoon- hyung has a crush on him.
“I can’t believe this.”
“Aish, Jungkook-ah,” Seokjin begins, walking closer to sit next to him, “you don’t give yourself enough credit.” Seokjin smiles at him, his best hyung smile. The one that makes his cheeks grow extra big and makes Jungkook smile, “you know the first time Namjoon met you he came home talking about a boy with a rainbow pin that almost fell on his face after saying wow thighs,” Seokjin chuckles. Jungkook thinks Seokjin is drunk too but then not at all.
Gosh, Jungkook almost fell on the hot pavement after staring at Namjoon’s thighs in those jean shorts. He thinks back to that moment as he saw the dimple on Namjoon’s cheek and how easily Namjoon’s hand came up to steady him. He remembers apologizing profusely until Namjoon called him cute and offered to buy him something to drink. Once they began talking, it turned out they both knew Hoseok-hyung. That’s how it all started.
Silence fills the room easily until Seokjin speaks up.
“I like Yoongi and Hoseok.” Seokjin easily brings up the same topic from earlier, still sounding a bit terrified. It’s the only time Jungkook has seen him like this so he smiles, appreciating the gesture behind Seokjin’s confession. His hyung only wants him to be comfortable as they have this talk so Seokjin does what he’s always been doing: he throws himself into the pit, saying something he wouldn’t easily reveal to others in order to help Jungkook feel at ease.
There’s loud music going on in the other room and then there’s Seokjin quietly revealing what’s deep inside, laying it out in the open on this kitchen table for Jungkook to understand.
“You and hyungs are good together, I couldn’t imagine you anywhere else,” Jungkook says and he means it. He thinks it’s the right thing to say as the words leave his mouth. He’s not lying. He’s become apart of this little family in a span of seven months and through all of this he’s been able to watch them all grow. Having the honor to watch Yoongi, Hoseok, and Seokjin grow together has been the best thing he could witness. He likes the way they grew together instead of against each other— sometimes like plants do.
In a way maybe, in another life, Yoongi is the plant, full of green and love embodied, Hoseok is the sun with scorching rays made of laughter and crinkly smiles, and somehow along the way Seokjin realized he was something like water the plant needs in order to grow and something the sun needs in order to create something out of nothing.
Jungkook likes that.
Seokjin smiles softly, a hidden moment reserved only for those that think they can survive the rain— the sea when the tides are at their strongest.
“We’ve been dancing around each other for so long, I’ve been too terrified to do anything and they’ve been so patient with me.” Seokjin lets out a laugh then shakes his head, “I think I might love them, Kookie-ah.” Seokjin says it like a promise. It makes Jungkook feel warm all over.
“Have you all… kissed?” Jungkook asks, too curious and because he’s trying anything to help his hyung.
“A couple times yeah.” Seokjin nods and there’s that smile again, ready to drown any sadness or hesitance away.
“I think that’s good then. How do you feel about that?”
“I mean sure you kiss friends at drunken hangouts when the both of you are both past being sober, right?” Seojin raises his perfect eyebrows and Jungkook nods, “but those are feather like things that happen once and don’t linger afterwards.” He explains carefully and quietly to Jungkook, disclosing the side he doesn’t show often.
“The way I kiss hyungs, that’s different, I wouldn’t just do that at a random hangout,” he stops to fully look at Jungkook.
“That’s how I realized I liked them,” Seokjin smiles, “I kiss them like I mean it. I kiss them like I love them.”
Maybe if Jungkook was drunk he would have started crying. It’s nice, knowing his hyungs are happy.
“I think I want to date Namjoon, hyung.” He doesn’t meet Seokjin’s gaze as he says it but his cheeks are flaming up.
“Well you will, eventually.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes because Seokjin says it so easily, like if Jungkook can easily go up to Namjoon and tell him: hey, we’re dating and we’re soulmates.
“How do I know when?”
“Sweet, sweet, innocent child of mine,” Seokjin begins as he walks over to Jungkook, “you’ve come to the right person with that big question,” he pets his hair and brings him into his chest.
“Hyungmp” Jungkook says through a mouth full of sweater, “we should get back soon before they think we left.”
“Then I’ll make this quick.”
Jungkook opens his mouth to talk again.
“Don’t interrupt me,” Seokjin says and Jungkook closes his mouth, “thank you for the question by the way, it’s a great question.” Seokjin admits and Jungkook realizes then that he was baited into asking this question. He pouts.
Seokjin begins listing items at the top of his head that pertain to dating and all the things around a relationship. He stops to say “I basically have two boyfriends now, I would know.” It makes Jungkook cackle.
“So,” Seokjin pauses quickly to stare at Jungkook, “what do you think?”
“What do I think of what?”
“The dating list.”
“Oh, so it has a name now?”
“You’re avoiding the question, Jungkook.”
Jungkook stares at him as Seokjin eyes him like a hawk waiting for its dinner to emerge from a hole.
“Namjoonie- hyung and I don’t do any of that, though? We’re not even dating yet?” Jungkook counters as his eyebrows furrow.
Seokjin rolls his eyes, finally getting up from the chair, “that’s the point Jungkookie, you guys will eventually end up dating. I’m telling you so you can think about. So you can be aware when it happens.”
“Hyung, I don’t think it works like that.”
“Has hyung ever wronged you?”
Jungkook doesn’t hesitate, “yes.”
The first time they met, Seokjin told him he didn’t speak Korean and made Jungkook speak in broken English until Seokjin exploded in laughter in front of his face.
“Jungkookie- ah you wound me.” Seokjin holds his hand on his chest.
Jungkook lifts himself from the chair too.
“You’re weird hyung.”
“Just keep in mind what I said because Namjoonie really likes you.” He pats Jungkook on the head and then ruffles his hair, “and hyung approves of you for my poor Namjoonie.” He throws an arm around Jungkook and leads him back into the loud room, “which is why you have to trust me.”
“Wait, trust you with wha—”
They reach the living room and then Seokjin is yelling, “okay fools, out of my house. Taehyungie is taking Jimin and.” Seokjin stops to think for three seconds, taps at his chin, “Jungkook you can take Namjoon home.” He says quickly and turns to winks at him.
Holy shit, this hyung.
“Hyung, I don’t have a car.”
“Which is why we’re happy uber exist, right?”
Seokjin pulls him closer, “you’ve got this Jungkookie. Talk to him,” he whispers into Jungkook’s ear and Jungkook goes red before he’s nodding. He’s got this, he can talk to Namjoon.
Namjoon is pouting as Yoongi takes away his red cup. He’s sitting on the sofa of Seokjin’s apartment with his hair all over his face and Jungkook’s heart skips a beat. Oh no, he does not have this. He means to turn back to Seokjin but then Namjoon spots him.
“Jungkookie! I thought you left.” Namjoon is pouting again and Jungkook feels like he’s vibrating.
“No, I just went to get some water.” Jungkook stops to look at him now that he’s closer, he smiles.
“Are you ready to go?” Jungkook asks.
“Are you taking me home? I usually stay here at hyungs?”
“Oh, well I mean you can stay here if you want.” Jungkook looks away, shyly but then Namjoon is holding his hand and carefully getting up from the sofa.
“That’s fine, take me home, please,” Namjoon whispers out and Jungkook can’t seem to say anything so he nods. Feels like he’ll stutter out something dumb if he talks.
Jungkook orders the uber as everyone around him gather up to leave or to sleep. He’s got this. He can take Namjoon home, talk to him on the way over and maybe leave with a promise to some coffee date. He can do this.
The uber eventually arrives so Jungkook bids everyone a goodbye before he’s hanging on to a stumbling Namjoon as they walk up to the car. Jungkook gets Namjoon inside safely before he’s getting in too. He doesn’t let go of Namjoon once, he’s careful and keeps an eye out just in case Namjoon isn’t feeling good and wants to throw up.
“Jungkookie,” Namjoon whispers out into the darkness.
There’s only light posts and stop lights outside besides the bright moon. It’s all calming and Jungkook is still able to see the outlines of Namjoon’s face every time they pass a light source.
“Can I lay my head on your lap?” Namjoon asks and Jungkook gulps quietly. There’s nothing scary about it but Namjoon sounds open and vulnerable hidden by the lack of light.
Namjoon moves closer and gently sets his head on Jungkook’s lap, making himself comfortable in Jungkook’s space. Jungkook tries not to move or mess this moment up.
He places his hand on Namjoon’s hair and doesn’t know what he can or can’t do so he settles on playing with Namjoon’s hair.
This moment is so soft and Jungkook can’t help but smile at this alone.
“I like this song,” Namjoon says and Jungkook doesn’t have to see to know he’s smiling.
Jungkook stops to listen to the song on the radio. He recognizes it instantly and goes a bit shy.
Namjoon hums and this feels very intimate. It reminds him of all those movies where the couple are going home in the back of a taxi, and hidden beneath the shy smiles is a promise of a kiss at the end of the night.
“Do you like it?” Namjoon’s asks, he moves around on and Jungkook sees Namjoon lay his head back as stares up at him, using Jungkook like a pillow.
Jungkook nods and there’s a shy smile on his face as he says it.
Namjoon smiles and Jungkook is able to see how his dimples appear as they pass another light post.
“Do you know what this means?” Namjoon asks again, the same question he had asked back at hyung’s apartment. Namjoon knows what he means by it. This time though, Jungkook knows what he means, too. He feels his heart pounding and hopes Namjoon can’t hear it. He’s glad it’s dark enough to hide his face.
“Yes.” He says, doesn’t say anything else because he knows that’s enough.
I just want your extra time and your kiss, the song goes and Jungkook really likes Namjoon. If something is definite, it’s that. He can say it now that they’re in this car in total darkness with nothing but each other’s presence floating around like magic.
“Can I kiss you?” Namjoon asks quietly and Jungkook freezes again, Namjoon catching him by surprise for the second time today.
He really wants to kiss Namjoon but when does he not? He wanted to kiss hyung when he first met him, in the middle of the campus, in front of hundreds without caring what they’d say. He wanted to kiss hyung when he first remembered Jungkook’s coffee order at the shop, even if Jungkook had only told him once. He wanted to kiss hyung when he went on a rant because of the way his eyes would light up like sparklers when there’s fireworks out. He wanted to kiss hyung when he saw how dedicated he was to his studies and to those he loved.
And Jungkook wants to confess all the things building up inside him while this car takes them home after a night out with friends. He just wants him in any way he can, right at this second as Namjoon looks up at him with lucidity. He wants to kiss him in complete darkness, even if Jungkook can’t really see Namjoon but can only imagine how beautiful he looks— until his dreams are filled with nothing but memories of gentle lips.
“How about you ask me tomorrow?” Jungkook offers and he’s smiling down at Namjoon. He hopes Namjoon sees it.
“Why not right now?”
“Because you’re drunk.” Jungkook doesn’t mean to giggle but it comes out.
“I’m not that drunk,” Namjoon says before he lets out a small burp.
Jungkook can’t help but laugh at that.
“Okay, maybe I am a lot but I still want to kiss you.”
“I do too,” Jungkook whispers because he needs to let it out just in case it’s the only time he’ll get to confess it. Even if Namjoon won't remember this tomorrow.
“Okay so we’ll be able to kiss when I’m sober, right?” Namjoon asks and Jungkook can practically see his teasing smile, even through the dark.
“Yes.” Jungkook answers but wants to say more. He wants to say: I like you so much, I can see myself loving you in the near future.
I just want your extra time and your kiss, the chorus plays again at a low volume on the radio and Jungkook feels like he’s experiencing something new altogether. He’s in a car with this boy and he wishes he could kiss him until he’s out of breath, he wants to tell him about all the pretty things living inside him that have flourished into something out of nothing because of him. Jungkook wants to grab Namjoon’s hand in his and never let go.
The song is about to end when Namjoon speaks up again from his lap.
“Jungkookie,” Namjoon says and waits for a response.
“Yes hyung?” Jungkook asks, moving closer so he can hear Namjoon more clearly. He doesn’t stop playing with his hair.
“This song is ours,” Namjoon pauses to think before he continues, “like everything else. It’s ours.” He repeats again, doesn’t make any movement to get up.
Jungkook likes the sound of that. He likes how easily Namjoon is able to use pretty words to express how he feels. He likes how it sounds as it comes out of Namjoon’s mouth.
“Yes, hyung. It’s ours.” Jungkook means it now and will also mean it tomorrow, too. When the sun is out, big and bright, when there’s light and he’s able to read whatever was written through their tender confessions.
This is theirs, even if Jungkook doesn’t know what it means yet. Namjoon wants it with him. This gives him enough bravery to hope for a future with them in it.
“It’s ours.” Namjoon says one last time and Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s talking about at this point. The song, this moment— perhaps all of it.
Jungkook smiles. He carefully takes his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it, and scrolls to his messages with Seokjin- hyung.
Jungkook: hyung i think i am dating Namjoon
Seokjin- hyung: ᄏᄏᄏ
Seokjin- hyung: audience needs some clarity
Jungkook: will not elaborate. Don’t think he knows yet but i’m sure he will, right?! [sent with love]
Seokjin- hyung: disgusting. But yeah, i’m sure he will figure it out
Seokjin- hyung: give him two weeks tops, namjoonie is not that dumb
I like to think Jungkook eventually tells Namjoon about this night (he definitely does)
*jazz hands* ta-da!! that's it!!! they're gay!! pls thank namkook for this because... idk I think they're in love. also comments are nice. just like jk.... i like praises too.