Jensen chuckled as he watched the gif Jared had sent him on their dedicated “you have to see this!” thread. There were so many things that got sent back and forth and important information had been lost more than once among them early on, so the thread had been created to try and keep them out of trouble. The chuckle faded into a fond smile as it brought up a memory.
It wasn’t their first kiss, that had happened when they were both on the far side of tipsy after a long day at the end of a long week of shooting heavy emotional scenes toward the end of season one. Jared said he just couldn’t help it anymore, though he’d looked utterly terrified when they had first broken apart and he realized what he’d done. It was the first time that Jensen had kissed Jared, however. Reserved, and admittedly still a little bit shy, but determined, Jensen had stopped Jared with a hand on his shoulder as he was about to walk out of his trailer to head home one day not long after that first kiss, and pulled him down to press a quick, chaste kiss to his lips.
When Jensen pulled back, Jared was completely still. Jared was never completely still, and if it hadn’t been for the blinding, beaming smile on his face and the emotion (too early, at that point, to name) in his eyes as he looked back at Jensen, he might have been worried. As it was, all he could do was stare in awe at just how bright Jared’s entire being had become. Like everything good and happy and light was pouring out of his skin and showing in his eyes. Jensen had caused that with a simple kiss?
Shaking himself back out of the memory, Jensen headed across the house to find where Jared had ended up after getting back from his run that morning. He found him in the office, as he’d expected, looking through more paperwork for Walker from their latest trip to LA.
“Hey Jack, can you look this over for me? I’ve read over it about a hundred times to make sure everything is in order, but I think I’m not really seeing the words anymmm-!” When Jared had finally turned his head to look at Jensen he’d laid a quick, chaste kiss on his lips, just like that first time. Jensen pulled back to look at Jared, seeing him completely still with the same light shining out of him that had been there so many years ago.
“Still just as bright. Had to check though.” Jensen mumbled to himself.
“Bright? What are you talking about? Are you okay?” Jared asked with a confused smile. “Not that I’m complaining, of course.”
“Nothing important, just…thinking. What were you asking me? Worrying over the details again?” Jensen leaned over the desk, picking up the paper Jared had been looking at and effectively changing the subject.
Later that night, after they were curled in bed together and about to fall asleep, Jared continued like the conversation hadn’t ended hours ago. “Seriously, what brought on that kiss? It felt, I don’t know, not wrong, but…different. And you looked almost like you were somewhere else.” He rubbed Jensen’s arm where it was wrapped around his waist, asking for and giving the reassuring touch he needed to have talks like this.
Jensen squeezed him a little bit tighter, knowing Jared’s insecurities were starting to come up. “It was nothing, Jay, I promise. That dog gif you sent me – yes, gif like gift, not the peanut butter, shut up.” Jensen stretched up from where his chin had been resting on Jared’s shoulder to nip his ear, preventing the argument he knew was coming. “Anyway. I was just…” Jensen chuckled a little self-consciously and added a slight melody to his next few words, not quite singing them into Jared’s ear, “thinkin’ about our younger years… and got stuck in it for a minute. Nothing bad.”
“Hmm, love when you sing to me. The dog… The “first kiss” one? With the golden racing around in circles?”
“Yeah, that one.”
“But our first kiss…”
Jensen tilted his head down and kissed the top of Jared’s shoulder. “Not that first kiss. When I stopped you in your trailer.”
“The first time you kissed me.” Jensen could hear the smile in Jared’s voice as he remembered.
“Mm-hm. When I pulled back you were completely still for the first time since I’d met you, but you were - ”
“Exactly like that dog on the inside. I was so happy that you felt the same, or I hoped you did, and I hadn’t messed everything up by kissing you before. I was just so overwhelmed that I was kind of frozen. Until you finally moved and did it again.” Jared brought Jensen’s hand from around his waist up to his mouth so he could lay soft kisses on each knuckle.
“And you were… I swear you were glowing. I could see light, like everything good thing in the world, coming off of you. Like it was bottled up inside of you waiting to shine out and a perfectly innocent kiss, a kiss from me, of all people, made it happen.” Jensen knew the awe he’d felt that day was plain for Jared to hear in his voice, but it was something he needed to hear. Jared rolled over so he could face Jensen as something he’d said that afternoon clicked.
“Ah, bright! So, I still “glow” just as much now as I did then from your fantastic kisses? Is that what you meant?”
“Exactly as bright. I still don’t understand why it’s me that gets to see it, but I’m grateful every day that I do.” With that he tilted up to catch Jared’s lips with his own again, then settled them back down to sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms and breathing each other’s air, as they had for most of the last 15 years.