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The pain of warrior

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When Tomas said in his letter “You can hate me for doing what I did, be angry with me for as long as you need” he had no idea how far his friend and mentor would take it. When the sleeping drug Tomas used on Marcus wore off at dawn waking up surrounded by his lover Peter, his 15-year-old daughter Talia (the one he only knew existed less than a month ago and who was brought to existence as a way leverage him into getting integrated by stealing his sperm) and her mother Donna (the wealthy, smart and resourceful woman who picked Marcus’s sperm from a sperm bank sixteen years ago and once she knew the truth about her child she stopped at nothing to protect her) the owner of the large secluded safe house they where in right now outside of a small town in California, the first thing the exorcist thought about was grabbing his already packed bag, following his friends to Montana and punching Tomas on the face for what he did, but Donna told him that moving now means reaching the hotel where the final battle is meant to take place alone and late which would draw attention to him and his already recognizable face to the demons and their human acolytes, which made Marcus even more frustrated and angry at Tomas for doing what he did and Mouse for not forcing him to turn back and take Marcus with them the second she knew about it.

At this point Mouse had a long phone call with Donna and Peter and told them that she saw the logic in Tomas’s actions, that Marcus’s reconcilability would be a danger to him and the mission, so they opted to cheer him up, but neither Talia’s big delicious breakfast nor Addie (Peter’s dog) adorableness manage to lift his spirit, he was worried and furious and if he kept at it he might get himself physically ill, “come home with me” was Peter’s suggestion to help and Marcus replied absent mindedly “I am not a good company right now, but thank you for asking anyway”, “I am not always a good company myself, I get angry, frustrated and overwhelmed” Peter said “would you just leave me drown up in those emotions if things get bad? Or would you stick around and try to help?”.

Once again Marcus was awestruck by his lover’s persistence, he didn’t know how to answer that and if he tried to lie and give Peter the answer that would send anyone else away, Peter would see through his bullshit as seams to always be able to, so instead of Montana, Marcus and his already packed back took Donna’s private jet to Seattle after saying goodbye to here and promising Talia to call everyday and “take care of yourself” Talia insisted “you have to promise me that dad”, “I promise love” Marcus answered looking at his daughter’s eyes “I’ll take care of myself for you” then again she hugged him as tightly and gently as she can until it was time for him to leave.

Marcus kept himself busy drawing sketches of Addie throughout the flight, during his three weeks at Donna’s and with encouragement from everyone, but mostly Talia, art became a bigger part of his life, there where many nature drawings that he’d shown to the others and there were the dark and gritty ones he kept to himself. When they landed in Seattle Peter’s car was waiting for them, Marcus’s silence during the flight and the ride first to the ferry then Peter’s home spoke volumes of his mental state and Peter decided to let him be for now, but while Marcus was silent his mind was far from absent he noticed when Peter started to slow the car approaching a homely cottage surrounded be trees with a motorcycle under a tarp parked upfront next the place where Peter is now parking the car, from the driveway through large glass windows he sees in the sunset a cluttered, cozy and dizzyingly normal living room with book shelves and a DVD collection and marathon medals and photos of Peter’s daughter Helen on the walls, Addie was exited to be home and just jumped in the second Peter opened the front door, “even after weeks of being pampered by your own daughter in Donna’s house” Marcus thinks “having this still feels so foreign” a train of thought that made him even angrier and channel this anger to himself.

Marcus was grateful that Peter bought pizza on their way home, he was very preoccupied to eat anything since breakfast and started to feel hungry the second he smelled the food, so once inside and Marcus called Talia to tell her that they arrived safely they sat across from each other on the small dining table to eat, Marcus focusing on the meal and Peter watching him relentlessly, “don’t look at me like that” Marcus said once he finished eating trying to contain he’s emotions, “like what?” replied Peter to which Marcus responded “like I’m a fucking bomb that’s about to go off”, Peter sighed audibly and said “here is the thing babe, I think that you already went off, maybe before we met” he continued looking directly at Marcus’s eyes “and the amazing thing is, you managed to keep feeling everything after that, what worries me is what would happen to you if that happened again”.

Marcus excused himself for a few minutes, went the bathroom and put his head under the running faucet to clear his mind. Peter wasn’t wrong, during weeks between Gabriel’s death and him being dumped in St Aquinas he did go off, drinking and fighting over the most trivial of reasons, he didn’t resist being committed because he saw his father whenever he looked at the mirror and now the shadow of his father is haunting him again and this time the casualty might be his beloved, “I can’t stay here with you Peter” Marcus said as soon as walked back to the living room shaking like a leaf “I’m not safe to be around”.

Peter was unmoved and not surprised by what Marcus just said, he grabbed a bottle of bourbon and pour two glasses, sat down on the couch and tapped on the spot next to him, Marcus wanted to run away or repeat what he just said but louder but he found himself settling next to Peter and taking his glass with a shaking hand looking at it instead of the man next to him, “Marcus, listen to me” Peter finally said “you’ve spent weeks preparing for the greatest battle of your life, your body and mind were preparing for unimaginable dangers, but now your not going to be a part of this battle and all you have is your worry for your friends and all the energy that was building up inside you, your system has nowhere to go”.

Marcus drained his glass in one go, placed it on the coffee table and turned to look at Peter, and he was startled to see that Peter is there in every way possible, just waiting patiently for Marcus with the kindest look in his eyes. Coming back to himself Marcus realized that Peter is right “I don’t know what to do” was all that Marcus said in a low hardly audible voice and all that Peter needed to hear, admitting this is the only way Marcus knows how to ask for help, it was a scream and a sign which was ignored and neglected so many times before.

“all you need to do” Peter said with one of his arms wrapped around Marcus’s shoulder and the other around his waist “is let the people around you help,” he continued pulling Marcus closer for a kiss “just let them love you and look after you” Marcus let himself be pulled deeper into Peter’s embrace he kissed Peter back and opened up to him, hands holding into Peter’s shirt for dear life, again Peter wasn’t surprised or bothered by Marcus’s emotional state and he didn’t stop.

Gently Peter took Marcus by the hand and led him upstairs to the master bedroom apologizing to Addie before locking her outside, she scratches the door for a few minutes then gives up and leaves. Peter slowly undressed them both and pushed Marcus gently to the mattress of his massive bed straddling Marcus’s hips while touching every part of his body and kissing every scar. The handful of times Peter and Marcus were intimate Marcus was too preoccupied with the mission to be self aware about his body, put now he is.

His months doing manual labor on the docks in Seattle made him a little more muscular and his weeks in Donna’s house provided him with enough food and sun exposure during the late winter in early spring of California to improve his health but he was still lean and pale and his scars were still there, a dark reminder of a history of abuse, violence and self harm. Those thoughts were interrupted when Marcus felt Peter’s hands on his nipples, gasping and feeling his cock getting painfully hard. Peter was carnivorously smiling down at him, he knew full well where Marcus’s thoughts were and he was oh so glad to distract him from them.

Peter moved down Marcus’s body and started teasing his cock with his tongue, splaying one of his hands on Marcus’s abdomen and the other on one of his hips pushing Marcus deeper into the mattress, a move that made Marcus even harder. Marcus held the bed sheets with both hands as Peter took him deep into his mouth gasping, moaning and whimpering unable to form a thought or put two words together, he reveled in the sensation, in letting go and trusting someone to catch him if he fell, in the alien safety of it all.

He cried out when he came and Peter was all over him in less than a second, blanketing Marcus’s body with his own, and holding him tight till he was calmer. Once Marcus’s breath slowed down enough t realize that he can move his hands they went right to Peter’s head, feeling the strands of his hair looking at his face, a question formed in Marcus’s eyes. “tell me what you want Marcus” Peter said still trying to help Marcus overcome his physical shyness and just ask for what he needs, “I want you” was all that Marcus managed and for now it was enough for Peter.

He pulled back slowly and left the bed for a few minutes to fetch what they need, Marcus tried in those minutes to calm himself, to control the shake in his body that has only became visible less than an hour ago but has taken over his body since he woke up this morning, surprisingly enough it only stopped when he felt Peters wet cold fingers gently circling his hole. “here you are” Peter said pushing one his fingers inside feeling the tension leaving Marcus’s body and clearly contented with it.

Slowly preparing a place for himself inside Marcus, Peter was quicker to find Marcus’s prostate this time, sending ripples of pleasure up the other man’s spine as his fingers massaged the gland while pushing and stretching the muscles around it, meanwhile Marcus hands couldn’t leave Peter’s head and neck and shoulders alone, the man was beautiful and tanned and muscular and like himself scared the last cohesive thought Marcus had before his brain turned to goo was “this is way you get me so well, you too know the pain of a warrior”.

And then he felt the head of Peter’s cock against his entrance and Peter’s gaze on his face, silently asking permission to go all the way, Marcus nodded inhaling deeply to brace himself, Peter pushed in slowly and went as deep as he could then put both hands the mattress framing Marcus’s face between them, once he settled he started kissing Marcus to the rhythm of his thrusts. The way Marcus felt then was hard to describe in words, he was safe, calm, loved and physical and emotionally engulfed in the presence of another human being who was here for Marcus because he wanted to be, as Peter came inside him he felt more secure with the other man’s full wait on him that he ever did in the Vatican.

Once the euphoria has passed and Marcus’s mind cleared, tears started streaming down his face, he realized as Peter eased them both on their sides and wrapped himself around Marcus with Marcus’s back to his chest that his anger was a facade, a mask to hide his fear for his friends’ lives and his worry for Tomas’s well being, “I will call him tomorrow, and everyday after that till I make sure that he’s fine” Marcus thought he’s not only a friend, he’s a family and I will not abandon him even if I can’t do much”, he kept crying that night, allowing the feeling that his true feeling to show, finally accepting that there are things that he cannot control, he prayed for his friends before he fell asleep in Peter’s arms.



The end