Once upon a time there was a girl named George, George was the princess of a kingdom that was good and pretty.
But George was sad; her parents wouldn’t let her do anything fun.
So one day, she killed her parents and had a party; she invited all her friends and had a lot of fun.
During the party, a dragon that was supposed to be the princess’s friend betrayed her, and ate all her friends, making the princess very very very sad.
And then George ate the dragon and all of her friends erupted from its stomach and George ate them all so a part of them would always be with her forever.
And then George was locked in an insane asylum for obvious reasons.
But George became the Regina George of the asylum and everyone, even the staff bowed down to her.
But then George suffered from intense hallucinations, and was deemed too insane to be in power.
Then, George escaped from the asylum and was taken in by a kind old lady who baked her cookies and loved her very much.
The old lady was a witch though, and one of her visitors, also a which, kidnapped George and planned to use her as a satanic sacrifice.
But at the last minute, George poured water on the wicked witch and they melted into puddles.
However, even though George was alive, Satan was still summoned, and was very angry.
But then God came down and flirted with Satan, distracting him because God and Satan are hopelessly in love with each other, and George escaped.
But because God loves Satan, and Satan was mad at George, God was now George’s worst enemy.
But Jesus, wanting to be rebellious for once in his life defended George, and saved her life many times.
But Jesus was grounded by his father for the next millennia, leaving George scared and alone.
So George went to the one person she could trust (I mean there are more but like), Buddha, who gave her wisdom and guidance on how to defeat God and Satan and unground Jesus.
But then Buddha realized George was not a good person, and through her into a dark pit she could not escape.
But then George met this dude named Sisyphus and helped him by destroying the boulder and carrying up the pebbles to the top of the hill one by one, the two decided to find a way out of the pit
But Sisyphus fell down the hill, breaking his neck and killing him, giving George no way out of the pit.
George ate the pit.
But George was in the pit, so she technically ate herself, killing her and sending her to hell.
But George befriended a demon named Qxyzed and she helped hide her from Satan.
I’m the demon Qxyzed, and I promise this did not happen; I just delivered her to Satan so I didn’t get fired.
And I am George and I can confirm that Satan was too busy cuddling with God to notice me ;)
And I am Satan, and I deny these rumors, and condemn George to eternal torture for telling my secrets.
And I am God and I told my husband to stop being so mean to George, prompting me (also George) to escape hell.
George couldn’t escape.
And then George stole a flaming sword and gained fire powers, and lit the hell on fire.
Hell was already mostly on fire, so like... that’s fine.
George burned Satan so badly he needed aloe, and then laid down in bed and ate grapes.
Satan is magical, and powerful and easily healed his burns, and then tortured George even more for it.
And then George kicked Satan in between the legs giving him excruciating pain. She hides in cerberus’s collar
Cerberus is my (Satan’s) dog, so he bit of George’s head.
But me (George) was already dead so I just existed without a body or a head.
George was now paralyzed in Hell, without a body, for eternity.
But eternity is not eternal so George goes to heaven because I am God and I can do that; George did drugs in heaven
Aaaannndddd because of that previous sentence, both George and God both went back to Hell.
And then God was happy because he was with his husband; George on the other hand met Virgil and got a tour of the place, making Dante jealous cuz he thought George was stealing his mans but like George explained himself so they be all cool. George was happy.
Then Cerberus ate all the happy people.
And then the sad people ate Cerberus (George wasn’t happy but both god and Satan were)
Satan wasn’t happy, he was just normal feeling, so like yeah, and George was already eaten by Cerberus, so...
And then god used his god powers to get out of Cerberus and turn him back into his cute little puppy form “Ugh I knew we should have gotten a cat instead,” he said to Satan, glaring at his husband
But George was still eaten by Cerberus.
George was having a great time in Cerberus’ stomach though .
No she wasn’t.
Yes she was, Satan this is why we divorced in the first place
No she wasn’t.
Yes she was >:(
And then George woke up.
Inside Cerberus’ stomach, as usual.
She ate Cerberus from the inside out
God and Satan were extremely angry at George for eating their beloved pet.
George came back to life and ate cake
The cake was poisonous and George was in a coma and sent to the hospital.