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Love in the Heart

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Midnight wasn’t a common time for Kaminari to be drifting around the common room, but he couldn’t sleep; so he grabbed a glass of water and tried to relax. He was halfway through his glass when Bakugou and Kirishima blew into the common room from outside. They were dressed up in athletic gear and panting while pushing each other around. Kaminari poked his head around the wall to get a better view of the two when Kirishima noticed him there.

“Denki, bro, what are you doing up this late? It’s a school night dude.”

“Just thirsty. What were you guys doing outside?” Kaminari slouched against the wall and watched them both keep struggling to breathe normally.

“Late night runs, bro. They are the best. You should come next time.”

“Trust me Ei, I have enough trouble running in broad daylight. I think I’d trip over my own feet in the dark.”

Bakugou started lightly chuckling and Kaminari couldn’t help but watch his shoulder slowly come towards his ears and his hands come to cover his mouth. Bakugou stopped after a second and seemed to notice Kirishima and Kaminari watching him because he frowned a bit and square his shoulder before mentioning,

“What? I pictured it.”

“What’s funny is you being up past 8 pm.” Denki could not help let a smirk transform his face as he fully stood up and lightly challenged Bakugou.

“Oh shut up Sparky. You are only up because you are too weak to fall asleep.”

“Oh my. What a roast. I’m afraid I’ll never recover.” Kaminari bantered back. He had noticed they had been doing that a lot; just throwing insults back and forth whenever they had the chance. Classes, lounging, working out, anywhere they could talk, they’d be engaged in some form of roasting conversation.

“Whatever asshole.” Bakugou promptly whipped around and flipped him off as he sauntered over to the stairs.

Kaminari watched him walk through the door and let the door close before he turned around to finish his glass of water. As he turned around, he noticed Kirishima was sitting on the countertop drinking out of his glass.

“Bro? I… where… you…” Kaminari tried forming something to express how confused he was that Kirishima was still downstairs and drinking from his glass of water.

“Forgot I was here didn’t you?” One of his shark teeth poked out from the side smile Kirishima gave Denki.

“No… I just…. Don’t like you drinking the rest of my water.” The whole water excuse wasn’t the smoothest Kaminari had ever come up with, but at least he came up with one this time.

Kirishima set down the water glass and patted the countertop next to him, beckoning Denki to sit next to him. Happy to break one of Iida’s kitchen rules, Kaminari jumped up on it.

“Okay so I’m gonna be a bit intrusive here,” Kirishima peered into Denki’s eyes, trying to read his mind and continued, “Are you flirting with Baku-bro?”

Kaminari’s eyes blew wide and eyebrows shot up as he waved his hands all around before sputtering out, “Wha-What? Of course not, I would never. He isn’t, and I’m not….”

Eijirou casually shrugged his shoulders and picked the water glass back up before saying, “Because he like, totally is.”

“That’s… no he’s not.” Denki turned his shoulders away from Kirishima and stared down one of the chairs in the corner.

“Yeah he is. And you were totally using your flirty eyes on him earlier.”

Kaminari whips around to look back at Kirishima before squawking out, “I-I was not!”

“Yo, it's not a bad thing. I just didn’t know you liked him, or at least we never talk about it.”

Denki slowly lowered his head down and pushed a piece of hair behind his ear.

“Don’t you? Cause you’re both single and you’re like a sunshine child. And Baku-bro kinda needs that in his life because he can be such an…”

“I- I don’t know why dude,” Denki interrupts Kirishima light rambling, before the blonde takes a deep breath and starts popping his knuckles. He started muttering again in a light tone, saying, “But some days it does feel like I really like him. And I know that he’s feral and mean and whatever else you were gonna say. But sometimes he makes me my favorite coffee just to tell me it would taste like shit, and we just talk and roast each other and he...he smiles at me, with such, passion and openness. And god, I can’t help but fall for his everything.”

“That’s great that you feel that way dude. Thanks for telling me. Are you gonna tell him that you love him?”

Kamiari throws his head back up and starts to shake his head before saying, “Tell Baku, no way. Everyone knows he likes Ochako.”

“But you love him, don’t you?”

“What does that have to do with it? I tell him and I ruin everything. I out myself to everyone in the class. Bakugou stops being friends with me and I get my heart smashed into itty bitty pieces. Loving him doesn’t change that.”

“Don’t you have a little hope? Or faith? Love breaks barriers and surprises people. Don’t be so cynical about this. Love doesn’t come around all the time.”

Kirishima sounded like he was reading some Hallmark card to Kaminari so he scoffed before replying,

“Which is why I’ll love what I have with him. There is no way in hell I am gonna do anything about. I love him, sure, but I love what we have now.”

“Don’t you want more? To take him on dates and see him smile or whatever?”

Kaminari straightened his posture and blew a sigh from his lips. He wasn’t really planning on telling anyone but Kirishima kinda found out on his own. He glances at the clock on the wall before whispering,

“I’m tired, Ei. Talk to you tomorrow.”

He slowly slide down from the counter and towards the doorway as Kirishima frantically tried putting the water glass in the sink behind him.

“Bro, you can’t pretend you don’t feel anything.”

Kaminari had already past the doorway and walked into the common room by the time Kirishima had jumped down and caught up to him.

“Kaminari, you like totally deserve to be Baku-bro’s boyfriend. You know that your love can overcome anything right?”

“My love can’t do fucking anything.” he lashed back before hurrying over to the stairs. A million thoughts flooding Kaminari’s mind as he became rapidly ascending the staircase to avoid Kirishima.

Love wasn’t anything. It hurt him no matter how much he tried or hoped or had faith. And being in love with Bakugou did not change anything. No one could.

Running up all the stairs to the third floor, he could barely think straight or breathe. He was panting so hard it felt as if a vacuum came and left him without air. His ears were beating with the drum of his heart trying to keep up. His face was bright red and his hands were numb. He was so angry at the thought of love being enough, he missed the sounds of someone descending the stairs.

“Did you run a fucking marathon Sparky?” Bakugou was dressed casually and probably just on his way to get some water too.

But with all his bottled up emotions and with how much Kaminari’s love for him hurt to hold unto,

“Oh go fuck yourself, you self centered blind ASSHOLE!”

Kaminari threw open the hallway door to his hall and sprinted to his door, throwing his door open. The sound of his door slamming shut worried everyone on his floor that he had snapped his door in half.

Hammers were being swung around his head and his body was being anchored to the floor. He threw his body against door, pounding his fist as hard as he could. A low groan ripped itself from him as Denki turned around to pick up some nearby object and throw it across the room. The mug that was closest to him shattered as it slammed against his wall in a large crash.

Before Kaminari could even breathe or scream or think again, someone was knocking on his door in short sharp raptures.

“Kaminari, could you please open the door? It sounds like you are having a problem and I just heard a crash.”

“Iida, mind your own fucking business and go back to studying.” he growled towards the class pres.

“Kaminari, I’m hurt by how you are….”

“I don’t care Iida, just leave me alone!”

Kaminari launched himself into bed covering himself in blankets and shoving a pillow in his face so he could scream without Iida hearing.

Why couldn’t anyone understand how much it pained to be in love?

= = =

7:00 am sharp, Kaminari’s alarm started its tune from inside his pocket. He shuffles his hands out of the blanket to shut off his alarm. As he slowly comes out of his slumber, Kaminari sighs and wills himself to sink into his bed. When his bed doesn’t drown and suffocate him, he realizes he has to see them today. Everyone who just didn’t understand.

As his second alarm starts up again, he fully sits up and slowly removes himself from his blankets. He quickly throws on his uniform and sprints to the bathroom. Iida always brushes his teeth at 7:15 exactly, so Kaminari speed brushes and is back in his room by 7:14. When the door is firmly shut and locked so Iida can’t see him, he sits at his table. He only hopes Kirishima knows to give him some space but Iida and Bakugou are a different story. Kaminari racks his brain for a way to avoid both as his third alarm begins singing some new Pop hit. Hearing the music hit him in the face with an idea and after he turns off the alarm he texts his girls.

Bad Bitches Group Chat
Sparky, AUX Cord, and Alien Queen

Sparky
Hey bitches, can u help? I kinda f’ed up and need 2 avoid people 2day.

Alien Queen
Of course, but what did you do?


Sparky
I’d love to not talked about it.

AUX Cord
Yeah. We can. Want me to come get you?

Sparky
Ily and yes pls

 

He sped through the rest of his morning routine seconds before Jirou’s not so secret knock was beaten against his door. He quickly grabbed his backpack and phone before leaving the room.

“You fucked up, huh?” Jirou blankly stated as she slouched against the wall outside of his room.

“Yeah, now can we just…?” Kaminari said as he gestured down the elevator.

“Sure, Mina’s meeting is outside. We’re taking the stairs. Hurry up or we might decide against being your bodyguards.”

Kaminari tripped over his feet trying to catch up to Jirou as she hurried to where Mina was. Mina smiled at waved when they arrived, but gave Kaminari a look that seemed to read, “What happened?” but Kami lightly shook his head and they walked to class listening to Jirou’s playlist. The girls crowded his desk, talking about what happened in the latest episode of their favorite doctor show until the bell rang and Aizawa slithered in.

Kaminari knew he was being watched all through class by everyone, but he kept his head down and used his hair to block his views of the others. He watched his notes stay blank all class until the lunch bell rang. Before Kirishima could even reach forward to tap Kaminari on the shoulder, Jirou and Mina dragged Denki out of his seat and they found a table in the lunch room by themselves to gossip.

“Why the hell is a first year crushing on a third year? They have no chance.” Kaminari commented between bites of his sandwich at the girls’ story.

“I don’t know, love?” Mina suggested with a calculating look.

“Still stupid.” he replied.

“Ah, so that’s what this is about.” Jirou said calmly as she took another bite from her lunch.

“What’s what about?”

“You are pissed about something with love. What, got rejected again because it’s okay to be a little upset?” Mina stated as she made full eye contact with him.

“No I didn’t get rejected. And it doesn’t matter so drop it.”

“Just because you don’t want love doesn’t mean it won’t find you, you know?” Jirou said as if she was some wise witch with all the answers.

“Then I guess I’m gonna be running myself to death.”

Kaminari knew he was being a bit of an asshole to Jirou and Mina, but everyone seemed to decide for him what he wanted to feel about love. So what if he was a little bitter and didn’t really believe in it? Why couldn’t people just let him be?

They continued to eat their lunch and talk about the gruesome homework that Aizawa gave them. For a little while, Kaminari forgot about all his boy problems and laughed at Mina’s impression of Aizawa.

When the bell rang for them to start making their way back to class, the girls waited a minute or two before walking back, so they walked into the classroom just as Aizawa was waking up from his lunch time nap.

Kaminari could feel daggers from every angle around him, but he sat down and hoped to be consumed by the Earth’s core and melt into nothing. He didn’t get emotional much and he hated how violent he was this time. To him, holding in the feelings and bottling them in is easier than saying them aloud to someone else. His feelings were his own and someone else isn’t going to understand. So melting seemed like a perfect solution.

Classes dragged along and flew by at the same time. So when the bell rang, Kaminari felt like he had sat there for three months and three minutes simultaneously. He looked up and Jirou and Mina were already blocking his desk.

“Denki, you are totally coming with us back to the dorms so we can gossip right?”

Mina yelled so everyone around knew not to try and pry him away. Kaminari was lucky how good his friends were to him.

He slowly got up and put his stuff in his bag and moped behind Jirou and Mina as they lead the way to the dorms. He kept trying to come up with a way to apologize to everyone without actually looking them in the face. Maybe a group text would suffice.

Either way, he was nicely escorted to him room. Iida was watching from his door as the girls shuffled him into his room.

“Ah, you broke my favorite mug!” Mina cried out, pointing to the trash can he had put all the pieces in.

“Mina, it was a mug that said Fuck on it.”

“But it was so beautiful.”

“Well now it is in pieces. And if you would please,” Kaminari put his bag on a chair and showed the girls his door, trying to get them out. “I have to figure out what I didn’t get in my notes.”

“Listen dipshit,” Jirou started as she pointed his jacks at him “we have your back and all but I don’t want to be a bodyguard forever.”

“I’m going to send a text to everybody and hopefully this will all blow over. But I can’t thank you enough for being my trusty knights in shining armor today. Now I will see you guys tomorrow in class.”

“Goodbye and I expect phone charges for this.” Jirou simply put before lightly smiling and walking out. Mina however jumped on him and gave him a breathtaking bear hug.

“Good luck. And maybe try and say sorry to people’s faces, if you can,” Mina backed away and looked at him, “you know it is kinda hard to stay mad at that pretty face.” She smirked as she booped him on the nose.

Kaminari just let out a sigh and said, “I’ll try, now go annoy Sero for me.”

“Oh you know I will. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

And with a sharp bang, Kaminari was all alone in his room. For an hour, he tried to focus on his notes, and he got through some of the gaps he left. But after six little doodles in the margins, he decided for a break. Time to write the apologies. Or at least Iidas.

He decided on being more formal to stick with Iida’s style and texted,

“Hey Iida, I just wanted to apologize for being loud and very rude last night. I understand if I was incredibly mean to you or if you have to file something about the noise, I wasn’t feeling like myself and took it out on you. Sorry.”

Typing in full words and sentences was a whole new world for Kaminari but Iida always sent out texts this way, so he did too. He sent it out and tried to start the text to Kirishima.

“Hey bro. Im sorry abt being a dick the other n8. I was just upset and totally blew a fuse @ u. We’re still bros right?’

Kaminari was sure Kirishima would apologize too, he was just that kind of person. So they’d talk tomorrow about last night and Kaminari could really say sorry.

Then there was Bakugou. After 15 minutes of brainstorming, Kaminari had

“Hey”

He just didn’t know what to say. Was he sorry? Did he mean it? Does he apologize fully or tell him face to face? Does he want an explanation? Does he tell him anything?

Kaminari didn’t know, so he left it blank. As much as Kaminari couldn’t stop his heart from following Bakugou around like a little puppy, he didn’t know how to handle himself around Bakugou. His heart would beat so hard he was afraid it would jump out and his head felt like he short circuited itself because his hands would get numb and Kaminari could never say anything right.

Instead of sit in pity and pining, Kaminari decided to sneak a glass of water. Today was a movie night in the common room, and if he took the back stairs he might be able to get in and out of the kitchen without anybody noticing. Everybody was usually focused on watching the movie since they all vote the movie choice. So he slipped on some slippers and peeked out his door. No one was walking so he quickly walked to the back stairs. He hurried down the floors and slyly slipped into the kitchen. Feeling like a ninja, he grabbed a glass of water and started filling it up. With a confidence boost in stealth, Kaminari made his way back to the door.

“Hey bro. Thirsty?”

Kaminari whipped his head around and found Kirishima standing at the counter with an empty bowl of popcorn.

“Bro… I almost ninja’d the whole way.”

“Sorry dude. But I guess I can say sorry now because I didn’t mean to…”

“No Ei. You shouldn’t really being apologizing to me. I blew up at you and totally hurt your feelings. “

“But I pushed your buttons the other day and I just wanted to say…”

“You…” Kaminari knew one day he’d have to say something but he never really knew what to say. “You didn’t push one of my buttons. I guess you just, um,”

“Hit a heartstring?” Kirishima added as he started looking through the cabinets.

“Hit a heartstring? What was that?”

“You know bro. When you talked about like a sensitive topic and it pulls your heartstrings and stuff?”

“I guess you can call it that.”

“I’m not as dumb as you think, you know.”

Kaminari threw up his arms and said, “You are not dumb bro. It’s like a hundred percent me, I just, I didn’t think you’d like, well, understand.”

Kirishima put the popcorn in the microwave before turning to Kaminari and puffing his chest before saying,

“Try me bro.”

Kaminari looked away from Kirishima bold stare and shuffled over to a counter stool.

“I don’t know how to though. It just hurts.” Kaminari mumbled into his hands.

“What hurts?”

“Like everything. I can’t even think about him without getting a headache and heartburn.”

“Bakugou gives you heartburn?”

“Not like real heartburn. More like my heart feels… empty. Like my chest doesn’t have anything in there and it really wants to be full. And my head it gets all dizzy and, and I can’t think about anything else.”

“But you don’t act any different around him?”

“But I want to Ei. I want to just stare at his, god his ruby red eyes and the way his hair never stays in place. And how he smiles everytime someone gets an answer wrong like he has the right answer. And I just want to melt.”

“Melt?”

“I know this is gonna sound stupid and cheesy or whatever, but I just wanna melt. My body just feels so, so at peace and relaxed and I can’t ever think straight because all I wanna do is hold his hand and pray I don’t get blown up along the way.”

Kirishima took a seat next to Kaminari now that the popcorn was done and offered some to him.

“Why don’t you grab his hand?”

“And ruin everything? If I tell him anything, I ruin my life. I’ll get scowls all day and all he’ll do is hate me. Almost every day this past month, I catch him staring at Uraraka with so much determination and he never looks at me like that. Kirishima, Bakugou is probably completely straight and would be disgusted by me being, being this way. He’ll call me weird and a freak and I don’t know what I’d do if he told me that. I’d probably throw myself off the dorm roof in hopes I’d never have it hear it again. So I can’t, Kirishima, I can’t give myself false hope.” Kaminari’s face was running warm as his eyes started collecting tears in the edges. Talking through his fears were harder than he thought they’d be. He didn’t think he would have cried talking about it.

“You know Baku-bro isn’t like that.”

“I, I want to think I know him to be better.”

“You better fucking think I’m better than that.” Loud words were shouted behind the boys backs in response to Kaminari. Kaminari would know that voice anywhere but he could not look over his shoulder. Bakugou was right behind him and Denki couldn’t move.

“Bakugou, what are you… when did you… why…” Kirishima apparently had the manliness to look and even speak to Bakugou right now.

“Shitty-hair, go somewhere else.” Bakugou ordered and Kaminari could hear his loud steps moving towards the counter.

“Bro, I’m not just gonna leave Denki.”

“Kirishima!” Kaminari guessed the two were having a conversation through their looks because after a second, Kirishima actually started getting up. He gave Kaminari and small side hug, which seemed to say ‘It’ll be okay,’ before waking out, Kirishima stopped and probably did something with Bakugou before Kaminari heard his footsteps leave the kitchen.

Kaminari couldn’t move his eyes from the water glass sitting right in front of him. He felt stiff and immoveable. He was frozen in place, taken hostage by Bakugou who was walking up to the counter. He sat down next to Kaminari and neither really spoke for a second.

“‘Do you really think I’d… bully you for that?”

Kaminari could feel his throat slowly closing up and his mouth slowly opened to have nothing go past his lips.

“Cause I wouldn’t you know. I … I would not bully someone for being honest.”

Just trying to breath, Denki watched a drop of condensation fall down the water glass. He couldn’t move his body and he wished with every fiber of his being that he could have sprinted away or short circuited himself. Because he was about to be rejected and they’d never recover and…

“I’d be stupid to bully you for something I am.”

Kaminari’s fists tensed, jaw clenched, and he stopped breathing. Moving at snail speed, his eyes slowly drifted to the right to finally look at Bakugou. He was tensely eating popcorn just watching Kaminari, like he was trying to find an answer to a difficult math question.

“What? You didn’t know?”

Denki moved his head in short shakes as he gestured no.

“Well now you do. So now I guess you won’t have to kil ... throw yourself from the dorm.”

“I...I” kaminari got a little through his lips before he closed his mouth again.

“Hm?” Bakugou asked through a mouth full of popcorn.

“I… gotta go.” Kaminari started pushing his bar stool away to get up and just leave before he felt a hand wrapped around his bicep.

“Oh no you don’t.” Kaminari finally let him get a good look at Bakugou. He was wearing casual clothes, so he was probably watching the movie. And the grip on Denki’s arm was tight, so he probably had something to say.

“Why not?”

“You don’t get to… drop a bomb like that and leave. You, um we gotta talk.”

Kaminari quirked an eyebrow as he sat back down and the hand let go.

“We?”

For a split second, Kaminari watched Katsuki’s eyes fly all around and he took a huge inhale before simply nodding.

“What about we?”

Bakugou slouched even further into the popcorn bowl before shoving a handful into his mouth, angrily chewing.

“Listen Bakugou, if you don’t wanna friends anymore, you can just tell me and I’ll just leave.”

“Not that.” Bakugou choked out from his full mouth. Kaminari searched Bakugou for more of an answer, so he noticed Bakugou’s hands were shaking, just slightly.

“I don’t want to stop being friends. But I, I also feel that way.”

Kaminari threw a light look at Bakugou, and when he finally looked up from the popcorn, Bakugou could read ‘What way?’ From Denki.

“Like I’m gonna melt. Or explode or something, you know?” Bakugou took a large deep breath before spilling out, “Like sometimes you, ah, you smile at some stupid ass meme and I just forget to breath. Or how you, you pretend to be asleep in the common room so people can just leave their phones on you and don’t feel bad asking you to charge their phones.”

Kaminari’s jaw detached from his skull as his mouth hung open and his muscles went slack.

“You’re not the only one feeling kinda lost.”

“But! But you like Uraraka!” Kaminari threw up his hands and threateningly pointed at Bakugou.

“Cheeks? Yeah no. I wanna kick her ass.”

“But, but you, you stare at her a lot.”

“Because she almost beat me.” Bakugou put down the bowl and leaned forward. “We fight each other a lot, and last time she almost won. So I am trying to figure out how she did that.”

Crossing his arms and blowing a small snort of air from his nose, he smugily said,

“Plus I’m not dumb enough to stare at you all day. I only do it when you fall asleep in class.”

Realization must have hit Bakugou after he said that, because Kaminari watched a rosy pink crawl up Bakugou’s neck and dust his cheeks.

“Really? When I sleep seems kinda stalkerish.” Bantering with Bakugou was something Kaminari always did, but this time felt a little different. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but watching Bakugou stir and try and come up with an excuse made his chest feel full.

“Shut up, Sparky.” Katsuki was obviously holding back a smile from the amount of force he put into a frown.

“Hey Bakugou.” Bakugou steeled his expression and looked Kaminari in the eyes, almost like a challenge.

“I’m really sorry about blowing up at you the other day. I feel really bad about it and I didn’t mean what I said.”

A small glimmer of emotion flashed across Bakugou’s face before he picked up the popcorn bowl and got up from his chair.

“Guess you’ll have to make that up to me. How’s tomorrow night sound?”

The big smug smirk on Bakugou face was hiding the small sliver of doubt Kaminari could read in his eyes.

“Tomorrow night sounds perfect.”

The sliver disappeared and Bakugou stalked out of the kitchen and presumably, into the common room.

Denki just smiled a bit and rested his head on the counter, getting a bit dizzy and losing the feeling of his hands. And for some reason Kaminari couldn’t care much about anything other than the feeling overflowing in his chest.

It felt nice to have love in his heart.