The reflection in the mirror Sehun comes across isn't the one he was aiming to sport tonight.
Though it's an important event, perhaps the most anticipated in the year, to put it mildly, his eyes are a bit too fatigued and dull due to his recent strenuous schedule. As often as not, Sehun receives countless praises for having an alluring gaze, one of his most attractive traits. Either way, sometimes, the glint in them will just fade unhelpfully, especially when he's feeling a little under the weather, which is the exact case that night.
"How's the sexiest idol in Asia doing tonight?" Junmyeon's sterling smile appears by his side, and in the mirror, their expressions level side by side as complete opposites.
The mentioned title has Sehun rolling his eyes instantly. "Not so good. My eyes look a little dead." He remarks, sulking at his sullen reflection.
"Your eyebrows still look on point, though." Chanyeol chimes all the way from the corner of the dressing room. He's sprawled out comfortably on the couch, a guitar laying on his lap as he thrums through the cords lazily.
Unlike Sehun, Chanyeol is never obliged to worry about looking presentable and convincible to attain any sorts of prizes. He's always handsome and full of presence, always warm and friendly, overshadowing the unnecessity to keep up appearances. He should be the one running for that stupid title, but for some reason, Sehun's the one entitled of carrying that burden.
"Your eyes look as fine as ever." Junmyeon counters, standing up straighter to give Sehun's shoulder a tender squeeze. "You're still the most handsome face. And body. That spot will be yours this year again, I'm sure."
For three consecutive years, Sehun has been rewarded with the title, the very first time occurring when he was still just a trainee, hence the sudden attention he had gotten from the media and attracted new fans by the day ever since. Not that he's ever cared, but everyone else around him in the industry seemed to.
"Come on, hyung. You know I really don't care about this rank. It's presumptuous and unfair. I'm more than just a handsome face." He protests, running a hand through his black hair to decide whether he should go with it styled up or down for the night. So far, down seems likely to be done in order to cover his lifeless eyes.
"You're right about all of that. But the audience cares, your fans do even more. And it's good for marketing." Junmyeon is still beaming at Sehun, so the rapper lets his shoulders drop helplessly. For his fans, he thinks, he can endure it.
It's not like being constantly complimented for his looks is an atrocious thing. Though sometimes he wishes people would see him for what he really is, for his real talents. For now, it seems like he'll have to make do with what he's given. As Junmyeon tends to quote, there's always a silver lining to everything life gives you.
"Cheer up. You don't have to do much. You just have to breathe and your 25 million Instagram followers will know what to do." Junmyeon pats his shoulder reassuringly, but his words are far from bringing any consolation.
25 million followers mean nothing, just more people to spam him with hateful comments unreasonably in between supportive ones. His eyes will often catch the degrading ones, and as much as he tries to ignore those, the words still weigh heavily on his mind for days. That number is there more as a mocking reminder than anything else.
"I wouldn't say so," Jongdae pipes up enthusiastically, and when all eyes turn toward him, he shrugs and justifies. "Not this time with Kim Kai as an opponent."
The string of soothing notes coming from Chanyeol's guitar takes pause just as Sehun's fists and heart clench upon hearing the stage name. It is Kim Kai for the rest of the world, but for Sehun it is still Kim Jongin. The name that left most days of Sehun's past stained.
"Is that the center of the SuperM group? Didn't they just debut or something?" Junmyeon inquires curiously, a slight rush of perturbation reaching his features.
"He's been a hot topic even before their debut. The guy is amazing. His movements are mesmerizing and his visuals are out of this world. There's a reason why he's been receiving so much attention."
Jongdae's eyes are gleaming with transparent fascination, whereas by his side, Chanyeol's wide eyes drift back and forth between Sehun and Jongdae, too familiar with the story, yet too foreign to it to interfere. And thankfully, he leaves the matter untouched.
"Wow,hyung, are you stanning?" He jokes then, lightly shouldering his manager.
"I might. Everyone is. Even the seniors." Jongdae says euphorically. "Listen, the guy has already gotten a deal with Gucci. Freaking Gucci. Do you know how huge this is?"
"He's under Capitol Records. Do you think they wouldn't buy him these kinds of opportunities?" Junmyeon is still impartial with the idea of a rival for Sehun, but Jongdae is far from yielding.
"It's not what the Gucci article states. According to them, it was because of his personality. I swear, Kai has such an incredible duality. He's feral on stage, but a total sweetheart off it."
The makeup noonas squeak little incoherencies under their breath. Sehun's ears skillfully catch the words “handsome ” and Kai. But one brief glance at Sehun's hard scowl and they freeze repentantly. Silence suddenly prevails in the dressing room.
Somehow, it's worse than the annoying sound of praises for Jongin. It feels like it's acknowledging that Sehun is bothered by the dancer's achievements, when in fact, he isn't. He has no reason to be.
On one side, he knows better than anyone that those praises are well deserved, but on the other hand, he wishes people wouldn't just view them as a threat to Sehun's own achievements.
"Are you sure all Sehun has to do is breathe in order to win that poll?" Jongdae continues, and this time Junmyeon is the one scowling, thick arms folded over his chest. He glances at Sehun with a stern look, as though weighing the options.
"Anyway, Sehun. My bet is on you regardless. You might want to do that thing, you know, when you're like, sulking and your eyebrows curve like that? Yeah, the girls go crazy about that. You should definitely do that." He gestures with a hand wandering over Sehun's face, and the sound of Chanyeol attempting to muffle his laughter is louder than his actual laugh.
"That won't be so hard to do, actually." Sehun says while sulking, the lines on his forehead already formed faintly. Satisfied, Junmyeon claps his hands, turning to each member of their staff with the warm smile back on his face.
"Alright guys. Let's get ready. Our turn is coming up soon."
"Yeah? I need an energy drink." Sehun denies any further touch up of makeup on his face, deciding that his hair is going to remain down before exiting the dressing room with impatient stomps.
In the corridor, there's a sea of people wandering around hastily, with barely enough room for him to move. Idols and staff and managers speaking over one another, hollering supportive cheers, doing their final stretching and vocal practice.
On the screen hoisted up on the wall, the currently performing girl group is showing, and a handful of drooling boys are clustered in front, forcing Sehun to squeeze through cautiously without bothering them. On his way, several other idols bow courteously at Sehun, who greets them back equally. Others stare at him dumbfounded and unable to even blink. At this point, Sehun just wants to find the goddamn vending machine.
He feels an abrupt weight colliding with his chest, and when he chances a glance down, he meets the familiar handsome face staring up at him with apologetic eyes.
It's been quite some time since the last time he saw Baekhyun, and needless to say, Baekhyun has only turned even prettier. Slowly, his eyes squint into a welcoming gaze, and the singer beams at Sehun.
"Sehunnie? Oh my God, I could have sworn I walked into a wall. You look huge." He chuckles, engulfing Sehun in a tight hug where he purrs against Sehun's chest. His pinkish hair tickles Sehun's cheek, but he finds himself reciprocating the gesture, enveloping himself around Baekhyun's smaller and shorter physique.
"Sorry, I'm kind of in a hurry, so I couldn't see you down there." Sehun says jokingly, and Baekhyun promptly detaches himself from him, feigning a gasp and landing a playful punch on his shoulder.
"Heeey," Baekhyun is grinning though, soft cheeks and even softer eyes on full display.
"You're performing soon, right? Aren't you nervous?" Sehun asks, maintaining a hand on Baekhyun's shoulder just to feel him close. Baekhyun is rocking back and forth on his heels, fingers fumbling around air. He might be a little nervous indeed, so Sehun assumes the gesture can help him unbend.
"A little bit, yeah, but not really. I'm also looking forward to seeing you and Chanyeol."
"Hyung!" An urgent call comes, startling Baekhyun. "Come on, we're waiting for you."
It's Jongin, or in better words, Kim Kai. From head to toe dressed in a tight black stage outfit that suits him graciously, exposing his lean and ripped body proportions. His hair is swept back neatly, his high cheeks and sharp jawline striking the eye. For a few seconds, no one moves. Jongin and Sehunacknowledge each other's presence, staring without expressing any sort of emotion.
"Sehun, hi." Jongin speaks casually, eyes still stuck in a frozen gaze. It's been six years and Jongin still looks the same. The one who was once Sehun's best friend. Even more than just that if he's honest.
Perhaps now he looks just a little grown up, features slightly better molded into that of a man's, and yet Sehun can still recognize the benevolent soul behind the stage persona, hidden past his absorbing brown eyes.
"Hey, Jongin. I mean, Kai."
Six years ago, there was no fame, no money, tours or awards in between them. Now, that's everything standing in their way. Those, and the little pieces of their unresolved past as well. Neither of them are willing to clear those drawn lines, apparently.
Sehun managed to avoid Jongin during promotions all week. That much was quite easy since Sehun had an infinite amount of work to focus on, though they did catch each other's eyes through the crowd at the end of every TV program broadcast when Sehun grabbed his trophy. He felt Jongin's eyes on his back as he gave his speech to the camera, but every time he turned around to greet the other groups, Jongin was nowhere to be seen. Maybe, Sehun wasn't the only one avoiding an encounter.
Baekhyun's awkward throat clearing cuts through their trance and their heavy staring contest finally breaks down.
"Anyway. I should be going. Let's go,Jongin." He drapes an arm around the dancer, dragging him in the direction of their dressing room as he waves goodbye to Sehun.
Waving back, Sehun strains a smile, and unexpectedly, Jongin offers him the same over his shoulder.
"Good luck," Jongin says, eyes briefly directed towards Sehun's.
"Same to you." He responds simply and curtly.
And just like that, they're back to being strangers again.
Back in his dressing room, Sehun doesn't even have the time to let the taste of his drink coat his tongue and cool down his nerves when Chanyeol abruptly pulls him back to his feet before he can plop his ass down on the couch.
"Get your fat ass up, we're up soon."
"No, we're not? We're coming last." Sehun corrects him, taking asip of the energy drink. Some drops of it dribble down his chin, and he promptly wipes it off with the back of his hand.
"Oh no, they've changed the set list. SuperM is performing last." Chanyeol's statement sends the liquid the wrong way down Sehun's throat, so that he chokes in shock.
"There's been a huge demand. So they changed it last minute." Chanyeol is testing his inears completely unaffected. In the grand scheme of things, Sehun shouldn't let himself react to it either, but his impulsive side has decided to react recklessly to it.
"Can they even do that? They're just rookies."
"They aren't the typical rookies. They're called super group for a reason." Chanyeol reasons, now stretching his long limbs to prepare his body to step on stage.
"Supergroup my ass. They're cringy. Avengers of Kpop." Sehun scoffs, receiving his outstretched mic. He gulps the last sip of his energy drink, but it tastes too bitter now, almost impossible to shove it past his throat. Just like the acceptance of handing his turn to the other group. "Let's do this."
Cold fretfulness bubbles at the bottom of his stomach as he approaches the stage through the dark corridors leading them out, that realization that the crowd on the other side is waiting for them, cheering for them. And that he must execute this performance nothing less than perfectly.
As soon as hears the chants and the excitement from his fans, all anxiety clears out, and with Chanyeol by his side, singing along with him, there's nothing holding Sehun back anymore. The cameras are directed at him, and behind those frames, he knows the whole world is watching them.
However, this time, when he sings about his first love followed by first heartbreak, the self-composed lyrics hit home too viciously, cutting deep inside the wound he thought he had stitched together for too long.
In spite of it all, Jongin came exactly to push those stitches open with bare hands, and Sehun allowed him to do that without restraint.
Ushered back inside, Sehun's still strung out from their performance adrenaline. It's usually where everything passes in a blur. People congratulate them, water and tissues and hugs are handed over. And little by little, reality falls back in its place. On his way back to the dressing rooms, Sehun walks past the next group in line. The last performers of the night. The most anticipated ones. The members of SuperM pass by with nervous grins and excited cheers towards one another.
"Hwaiting!" Chanyeol booms towards them with his fists in the air, showing support. Taemin and Baekhyun howl back with grateful smiles. Jongin walks by as well, always so confident in himself, offering just a simple nod, and suddenly Sehun finds himself backpedaling to hang around by the side of the stage, hidden under the curtains and dim lights. Despite being tired, his brain decides to provide him with enough strength to stand and watch as the group take stance.
On stage, Kai is magical, for the lack of a better word. Enthralled, Sehun watches the incredible transition from Jongin to Kai as soon as the first beat drops. Dominating the center, Jongin leaves the audience in awe with his gracious movements, body moving sharply yet smoothly. He unintentionally outshines the others, or maybe it's just Sehun's train of attention that hasn't changed a bit over the course of the years, as it only channels towardsJongin no matter where he stands.
Once upon a time, he was Sehun's favorite partner to dance with, and most tricks he knows, they learned together, aiming to reach their dreams together. Now Sehun is merely watching, but still filled with immense pride as he receives courage to better himself to Jongin's level of efficiency.
The lyrics might not be too acute and the members might still not find the right synchronization on stage, but Jongin's presence compensates for all of their rookie mistakes. Jongin always stands out to his eyes, that much hasn't changed. It's understandable now, why everyone is so moved by him, why he is where he is now. Sehun couldn't expect less fromJongin's charisma and talent anyway.
When their performance ends and the lights go out, Sehun realizes he's gaping, completely baffled. The remaining chant of Kai's name is still loud in the audience when it sinks down to Sehun that he really doesn't stand a chance against Jongin. In any possible way. He's starting to think he's digging his own grave by competing against someone as perfect as Jongin.
"They're good, aren't they?" On his tiptoes, Junmyeon asks near his ear by his side and, mindlessly, Sehun just mumbles.
Calling the night off, Sehun is outside at the back side of the venue, yearning for his ride to just fetch him and drive him home already, so that he can rest and get over whatever insecurity he's dealing with in that moment. He might be satisfied with how his performance turned out, but there's still a nagging feeling of not being nearly good enough compared to the other group. The group that stole their turn as the last group performing.
"I'm starving!" Chanyeol whines, patting his own tummy. "Hyung, pay us some meal."
"I will, of course." Junmyeon responds, his phone against his ear as usual. "Actually, Jongdae is friends with the SuperM managers and he set up a meeting for all of us. They felt bad after switching the order and offered a gathering." He says, quickly returning his attention to the conversation on the line, and Sehun sighs indignantly.
"I've just booked a reservation at the restaurant." Junmyeon tucks the phone back inside the pocket of his jeans after disconnecting the call. He seems overly eager about the sudden gathering. Unlike Sehun.
"Are you kidding me?" It's Sehun who whines this time, staring up at the night sky as though asking God to rescue him from Junmyeon and Jongdae's irrational plans. It likely involves SuperM, so it means it also involves Jongin. And they haven't interacted in a long time for one reason. They do not want to be involved with each other anymore.
"We need to make good ties, and I believe this one can be beneficial for all of us. So get ready to spam your Instagram tonight." Junmyeon instructs happily, and for the millionth time that night, Sehun rolls his eyes as Chanyeol stares worriedly at him. A discreet dismissive gesture towards his hyung indicates that he's going to be fine regardless of what happens for the rest of the night.
It's just one night to tolerate Jongin. He can definitely make it out alive.
"They're ready to go. Did you make the reservation?" Jongdae announces once he shows up with a tiny man in his tow, all smiles and handshakes to greet everyone. His hand is small and delicate to the touch. Like the rest of him. He's adorable.
"Private VIP room and everything." Junmyeon says, accepting the hand and the bow from the friendly little guy.
"Sweet. We've got the van." Says the guest, tucking his warm hands inside the pockets of his oversized jacket since it's a considerably cold night. "I'm Kim Minseok. I believe you already know Kyungsoo as well."
"Yeah. We've met before last week. He's a nice guy. I've been looking forward to bonding with you guys."
"Same goes to you all, I'm sure."
Soon after, the others arrive, all greeting each other enthusiastically. Sehun spots each of them, plus the company of a short young man wearing glasses and a shy smile. Kyungsoo, probably.
Chanyeol loops an arm around Baekhyun as they chat closely. Leave it to him to form bonds with people in record time while Sehun just stands there awkwardly, unsure of himself. He sees Jongin standing next to Taemin, whispering and giggling at each other. Unlike just a few minutes ago, Jongin now looks cuddly and soft, loose clothes making him look small, unstyled wet hair turning him into that Jongin that used to sleep over at Sehun's place after a full day of training.
"Come on, we're ready to go. Hope everyone fits in the van!" Jongdae urges them, entering the van as a starting point for the others to dash for their seats. For God's sake, how could they rent only one van for all of them together, Sehun asks himself before following suit.
Sehun ends up squished into the corner between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who are still chatting loudly and slapping each other as they laugh at nothing particularly funny, using Sehun as their human shield to avoid each other's blows. All the while, he steals glances at Jongin, who's mindlessly laughing with Taemin, a big hand over the latter's thin thigh. Sehun pretends his heart doesn't skip a beat whenever he catches that hand squeezing Taemin's thigh, a gesture of their long-lasting closeness.
He just hopes he can fake it well.
There is noise and laughter ringing around the reserved room, too much of it, if you ask Sehun, who can only stare at the variety of food spread over the surface of their shared table. The unexpected gathering is going surprisingly well for that matter, with each one of them bonding like childhood friends. Still, Sehun feels a little excluded from the group, not that he's even trying in the slightest to fit in. He's just been observing. Mark's consciousness is beyond altered by now, speaking a crazy mixture of slurred Korean and English. The Taeyong kid is quiet and shy, just sitting there, occasionally laughing at Mark's incoherencies.
Across from Sehun, sits Jongin. Which makes it a lot more difficult for him to ignore all the flirting going on between him and Lucas. The younger keeps offering him some shares of his food, and Jongin charmingly accepts all of it, making the other blush pathetically. When Jongin does the same to Lucas, dropping a piece of meat onto his plate and then caressing his head fondly, Sehun has to look away. That was the gesture he used to do to praise Sehun. To let him know that Sehun was a good boy. To let him know that laterJongin would fuck him good as areward.
That was no longer accessible to Sehun. He seems to have found a good replacement now. Tall and charismatic Lucas with a large smile and glowing skin.
"Hmm, look, we're trending." He hears Junmyeon by his side, and thank God he's got some kind of a distraction from that offensive behavior right in front of him.
"Fans spotted us leaving the venue. Apparently, it's caused an uproar. Look." Junmyeon slides his phone towards Sehun, the twitter app displaying the trended hashtags.
There are pictures of them all leaving together from amateurs and even fansites. They look comfortable and well rested as they enter the vehicle one by one, making an amicable conversation. When they were leaving, Sehun didn't even notice any camera flashes nor did he hear any of the noise the fans tend to make when they spot them in public. He was too busy studying Jongin with Taemin being shameless and inconsiderate.
The reactions are all euphoric, to say the least. Scrolling further down, Sehun sees three different hashtags trending together. Even higher than names of their groups.
A picture of them comes attached to every post, where they're glaring at each other. There is a noticeable tension there, in the moment Sehun held the door open for Jongin and all the others to get in respectively. That was the only brief interaction they had throughout the whole drive to the restaurant, and apart from that, they've been doing a great job at ignoring each other.
Although somewhat hesitantly, curiosity gets the best of him. Sehun's finger opts for the first hashtag and clicks on it before overthinking too much. He just wants to take a look and find out the reason for those familiar names to be trending worldwide.
Kai and Sehun look highkey hot together.
I ship this omg.
What is even happening btw these two omg it's lowkey hot when they stand next to each other
I want this 3some
Never thought I needed to see these two together. Imagine if they were part of the same group?? We wouldn't survive so much hotness and talent together.
I need a collab
And a Photoshoot
what is their shipping name?
Let's vote! We need a tag on ao3 asap.
There's a poll with the options for their shipping names surpassing 500k votes. Sehun is stupefied. The name sekai seems to be receiving favoritism, although Korean fans are inclining more towards sejong. Particularly, Sehun thinks sekai fits them much better. Then suddenly, he's shaking his head furiously to get rid of such stupid thoughts.
"Hyung, are you feeling okay?" Ten's cute accent pulls him out of his reverie. Sehun glances down at him, noticing that even when they're all sitting, Ten still manages to look tiny. Sehun studies him intently, how pretty and petite he is. Exactly Sehun's type.
"I'm fine. Just baffled at how people on the internet are so fast." He responds quietly, eyes not leaving Ten's thin lips. "We're trending everywhere."
"That's good, isn't it?" Ten smiles, eyes racketing down Sehun's lips as well. "I think you should get some air, hyung. You look a little pale." He says then, using chopsticks to point at Sehun's untouched plate with an arched brow.
Busted, Sehun obliges and excuses himself to head towards the men's room. It's empty and silent, the opposite of the chaos of hormones outside. Ten was right. Looking at the mirror confirms that Sehun really does look sick and paler than usual. And he thought he was doing great by flirting with Ten, looking like that, on the verge of passing out.
As he leans down to the sink to rinse his face with water from the tap, he wonders why he's even feeling like that, what's affecting him so badly to make him fall ill out of nowhere.
The answer walks through the door before Sehun can even think of denying it. He watches Jongin cross the room with long strides to stand near Sehun in front of the sink. Eyes cast down, Jongin is wordless while he sticks his hands under the automatic tap to wash his hands. Until he speaks. "Are you okay?"
"Just a little tired." Sehun runs a hand through his black hair, wetting it slightly as it falls over his eyes.
Silence takes over the room for a little too long and when Jongin finishes his task, he doesn't move. Once again, they just stare at each other. No words floating between them nor any smiles.
"You did great tonight. On your performance." Jongin tells him eventually, turning towards the mirror to fix his bangs.
"So did you." Sehun gives, and then there's more silence, but neither of them attempts to leave. Jongin isn't doing anything helpful either. He's just looking good in front of the mirror and making Sehun look like an imbecile, unable to keep conversation flowing.
"So I thought you'd never talk to me again." Iswhat Jongin says, catching Sehun off guard entirely.
"What do you mean?"
"You've avoided me all week. At Inkigayo."
"I wasn't avoiding you. I just didn't have a reason to greet you. We're not acquaintances." Sehun huffs, reaching for the tissues to wipe off his face. If he sounded a little harsh, Jongin didn't bother reacting.
"Are we not? Then why are we chatting in a restroom together?" He chuckles, finally turning to face Sehun, hip jutting out to the side to rest against the sink as he crosses his arms.
"Well, managers say it's good for media or whatever. So I guess this dinner has changed a few things."
"I see," Jongin clicks his tongue with a tilt of his head. "My bad. I mean, that you have to breathe the same air as me when you're the one who decided to leave."
The accusation comes abrupt, catching him completely off guard . From head to toe, Sehun freezes. "Are you serious right now? Playing victim?"
"Just stating facts." Jongin returns, uncommitted. After the initial outrage settles in, Sehun boldly takes a few steps closer until he's eye to eye with Jongin. Unfortunately, the other doesn't budge an inch.
"Do you want another fact? I had my reasons."
Jongin takes yet another step forward before retaliating. "Pretty shitty ones, if you ask me."
"I didn't ask anyway." Shoving him off by the chest, Sehun turns and walks away, slamming the bathroom door shut, the sound resonating through the whole restaurant. Thankfully, no one seems to notice the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes as he makes his way back to his seat.
He will not cry. Not anymore. Not for Jongin. He's run out of tears long ago when Jongin took them all for himself. When Jongin broke his heart. Pretty shitty reasons, says the one who made Sehun foolishly believe his lies. What a joke.
"Drink some soju, Sehunhyung. It'll make you loosen up." Ten greets him back with a sweet smile and a small glass filled to the brim with soju, tempting Sehun's desires.
"Do you want me to loosen up?" He teases, accepting the glass and swiftly chugging it down without taking his eyes off Ten. The dancer momentarily blushes, but keeps up the flirting without breaking eye contact. Sehun really likes the way Ten isn't shying away from his approach.
"Yeah. You seem a little…. A little… I forgot the word. Roody?" Ten bites his lip thoughtfully and he looks even cuter when he's confused.
"Moody." Sehun corrects him, smiling.
"Ah yeah. That." Ten giggles, covering his face with both hands and slouching as he leans into Sehun's side. Taking the opportunity, Sehun puts an arm around the back of Ten's seat to accommodate him better in his embrace.
When he looks at Jongin though, he also has an arm around Lucas, whispering in his ear while Lucas is blushing terribly and even trembling visibly. Jongin's gaze meets Sehun across the table and the challenge in them is clear and determined. Sehun tries to convey the same message to him that two can play this game.
"Time for a selca. Everyone, say Kimchi!" Chanyeol proclaims all of a sudden with his camera outstretched in the air, v sign already up for a pose.
They all huddle together for the camera, putting on their best smiles and poses, but the rapper stops and frowns right before flashing the photo. "Wait. There isn't room on the frame. Guys, you have to squeeze together."
Following the instructions, they scurry around each other haphazardly, giggling as they find a good spot so everyone can fit in. It's another perfect chance for Sehun to advance with his tactics.
"Ten, can you just…" It's all he says before pulling Ten onto his lap, causing him to giggle a little more timidly this time as he wiggles around until he's nestled cozily against Sehun's broad chest. He fits just right. Sehun enjoying the feeling of someone smaller and lighter against him. He can't help but imagine fucking Ten really hard against a wall, how he would whine and sob against his shoulder to adjust to Sehun's long cock.
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jongin staring. More like glaring, and for once Sehun feels triumphant. With an equally pretty boy on his lap and not a single care about anything else. Sehun already has everything he aimed for. Success, money and friends. He needs Jongin for nothing.
Upon their departure, as they bid their goodbyes and share hugs and phone numbers with full bellies and content minds, Jongin and Sehun maintain their distance, more from each other than from anyone else. And when Junmyeon hauls a cab, Sehun finally pats himself on the back for successfully surviving the night around Jongin. Or barely, if he's any honest.
"That went well, didn't it? They're really nice." Jongdae says, voice sounding tired for once that night. Resting his head next to the manager, Chanyeol snuggles up to him and agrees.
"I could hang out with them again."
"Seems like the fans liked it as well." Junmyeon comments, still holding his phone. He seems too entertained by whatever he's scrolling through, andSehun can already foresee what his interest is about.
"I want that twink's phone number. With him, I could hang out again." Sehun leans back lazily against his seat, the soothing sound of tires running softly against asphalt almost lulling him to sleep. He can still feel Ten's cologne lingering on his jacket, where his body was snuggled hotly against his own. He can still feel the weight of his small ass wiggling against his crotch.
"Woah, calm down. Let's not rush this." Junmyeon Intervenes, staring up with that scolding gaze of his. Sehun just chuckles, eyes slipping shut.
"I think you should be asking Jongin's number, though. After that staring contest even the fans are noticing the tension." Jongdae chirps jokingly, and Sehun immediately pries his eyes open to search for his phone again.
On Twitter, the hashtags are still on. Sadly, no one is mentioning the fact that Ten is literally sitting on his lap even though the damn picture posted on Chanyeol's Instagram a few minutes ago has received over 2 million likes. All the comments are about Jongin. Him and Jongin, to be precise. They're the only ones not looking at the camera, nor smiling. Instead, they're looking at each other. It's ridiculous. Just too ridiculous that Sehun couldn't do better than that.
The spam of comments is just another proof that Sehun, in fact, has screwed up big time tonight.
Look at this sexual tension. I could write a thousand of fanfics on this.
I wonder if something happened between these two backstage. It feels like there's something there.
Do you think they know each other from pre debut times? Lol. Wouldn't surprise me.
They are literally eye fucking
Lmfao get a room. Couldn't even focus on the selca .
"Actually, Jongin is the last person on this planet I want to be in contact with." He ends up spitting out the words before his brain can process what he's saying. Everyone in the cab grows quiet, staring at him with curiosity rising beyond limits. Chanyeol is the only one concerned about the extent to which Sehun is about to share.
"Why? Do you really have bad blood?" Jongdae questions, curiosity opening room for worry now.
"Yeah. We have history." Sehun doesn't specify. But no one dares to question further. The topic dies down just as much as Sehun's dignity.
It's two days later, Sehun has been locked up in his studio, composing and sharing texts with Gaeko about his notes, occasionally sending Chanyeol recorded audios of him singing, trying not to be too much of a pain in the ass while his friend is away with his girlfriend for the weekend. That's his escape from the outside world and the constant scrutiny he's been receiving lately. Not for his looks this time, neither for his work. Oh, how he wishes his name was plastered on several articles and magazines because of that.
Recently, Sehun's name only comes accompanied by another one. As if one depends on the other to rise. Once again catching himself thinking of Jongin, Sehun shoves his notes aside and dumps his head on the desk, sighing. For once, he wishes his notes wouldn't turn out to be about Jongin either. But that's all his mind seems to be perceiving.
The loud ring from his phone startles him upright, and he only accepts the call because it's from Junmyeon and never in a million years would he decline his favorite hyung.
"What exactly is your story with Kim Kai?" Is how Junmyeon greets him unceremoniously, and Sehun frowns, rethinking about the imposed rule of never declining Junmyeon. Right now, he could just hang up on him.
"Well, hello to you too,hyung. I'm doing fine, and you?" He deadpans brusquely, and on the other side of the line, he hears Junmyeon sighing.
"I'm serious. It reached the fans. They've already dug out a lot of stuff, I don't know how."
"Shit," Sehun curses, dreading how much has been revealed. Just how long he has until he has to terminate his contract. "They're professional detectives or something?"
"We need to know if there was anything possible to cause any scandals. It won't look too good for us if the media finds out you have feud with someone. We need you clean."
Presumably, Sehun's life is still hanging on a thread. He pauses for a second, thinking back to all the things that happened in the past, and how they might ruin his career now, like a curse he can't set himself free from. There's too much he's not ready to reevaluate, but something tells him that soon he'll have to just suck it up and face it.
"Does it really matter? It was a long time ago." He neglects it, not willing to accept the tragic truth. That he must open up about his past with someone one way or another.
"It matters. If you've ever heard about Taeyong's issue, you should know." Junmyeon speaks sternly, and just the need to compare Sehun's current situation with Taeyong's has him flinching in fear.
"You know you can trust us, right? Our images depend on you now."
Of course, it's about their image. Sehun is aware that many people depend on him and what he chooses to share with the public. He's been very meticulous about that, keeping his personal life and his professional life set apart. That is, until Jongin decided to step back into his life.
"Fine, set up the damn meeting then."
"That's already scheduled. You have 30 minutes."
Sehun only has time to let out a whine of protest before dashing past the door.
For the first time, the SM meeting room looks frightening. It was in this room where he first met Junmyeon and Jongdae. It was here where he signed his contract. Where he's received many good reports concerning his achievements. Only this time, Sehun doesn't feel like he'll leave this room with good news or outcomes. In his hand, his phone buzzes again, this time with a text message from an unknown caller, but before even opening the message, Sehun can guess who this is. Thoughtlessly, he saves the number on his contact list, just for the sake of it.
"What will you tell them?"
"How did you get my number?"
"I can get many things these days."
"Then get them to drop whatever the hell they're trying to get from this. From us."
"I will. If you tell me what you're planning to tell them."
"I won't tell them much. We've known each other since forever, attended the same school, then we parted ways."
Sehun stares at the text, knowing damn well it wasn't what really happened. Sehun does acknowledge what he did. He owns up to it. He doesn't regret it. He left. Without a warning. He didn't give what they had another chance whatsoever. Not that he thinks they even needed it. Jongin had made sure to destroy it anyway. The three dots reappear on the screen, indicating that Jongin is not really expecting a response regarding that matter.
"Okay. I'll do just that too. And then we should do as they say."
"If I have to see you again."
Yoona arrives with Junmyeon then. Her heels click against the tiled floor as she struts around the table, holding a tablet and a sheet of paper. As usual, she looks smart and kind hearted, way too pretty to even make someone feel intimidated by her presence. She receives Sehun with her lovely smile before graciously taking a seat beside him while Junmyeon occupies his other side. Sehun is entoiled.
"Good afternoon, Sehun. Let's keep this brief, shall we? We have quite a busy day today. Let's go straight to the point." She begins, typing out on her tablet prudently.
"Some sasaengs leaked some information about you and Kim Jongin. From when you were younger?"
Sehun can't find consistency in his own thoughts, not knowing how much is out, so he sends a helpless glance to Junmyeon, who just shrugs and elbows him under the table, urging him to say something. Anything.
"Ah, yeah. We attended the same school and trained together at the same agency for a while." He thinks he does a good job for a start. Yoona just hums, sliding the tablet towards Sehun.
There are pictures of his younger self with Jongin. They're hugging, happy. Playing video games, pulling weird faces at the camera. Sehun had deleted those photos long ago, and looking at them unannounced like this makes his heart clench and his stomach lurch. They both were too young and innocent and, clearly, in love. They both didn't know what the future held for them. Or didn't, seeing as they didn't have a future together that they dreamed about for so long.
"You look friendly there," Yoona taps her manicured nail softly on the screen with a particular photo. Teenage Sehun has his head against Jongin's shoulder, back when he was the shorter one, closed eyes and fond smiles. Friendly isn't exactly the word to describe it, but Yoona seems to be dancing around the matter just as careful as Sehun is.
"Because we were friends." He justifies, and Yoona squints her eyes at him inquisitively.
"Best friends." He asserts. Sehun doesn't appreciate lies, and so far, he's doing incredibly well by dodging them.
"Not anymore? What happened?"
Sehun keeps mum. He doesn't know how to proceed without lying, nor does he want to expose himself being so vulnerable. Worse yet, he doesn't want to expose Jongin in the process. Upon receiving nothing but Sehun's silence and hesitation, Yoona, reaches out to curl her fragile little hand around Sehun's.
"Sehun, we just want to look out for you and your image. We must know if there's anything, any signs, that you were in trouble before. We won't judge. Young people tend to mess up a lot, but that's not how the media might perceive it if they find out."
Wordless, Sehun accepts the warm touch of his noona's hand. He trusts these two people with his life. The one he doesn't trust here is himself.
"I didn't do anything. It's not like I committed a crime. Jongin and I lost contact once I decided to move agencies. I came here to sign and debut under your agency." He explains, hating the way his voice sounds so small, his words sound too balanced. At least, they seem to be buying it.
"Is that all?"
"Do you count skipping classes to play video games as something problematic? Because that was all." A lie, thrown out there through his teeth. Sehun is feeling anxious about it, but he couldn't really come up with anything better than that.
"Do you know if there's more of those? Lost somewhere on social media?" Yoona points at the tablet again, pulling it back towards her. Sehun racks through his brain, trying to track every social platform he happened to share those pictures and many more. He's lost count, honestly.
"I'm not sure. I can't really remember. Probably."
"We can deal with that later." Yoona decides, putting the tablet aside to fold her hands over the table and cross her legs. "What's your relationship with Kim Jongin now? Are you on good terms?"
Sehun scrubs a hand down his face. This meeting is stretching for too long already, and he's starting to feel a little uncoordinated.
"We hadn't seen each other for a long time, but I don't think there's any grudges." Lies. More lies. Sehun can't stand hearing his own voice uttering them repetitively.
Yoona beams, a wide smile stretching from one ear to the other. "Great! Your interactions with Kim Jongin lately have caused great reactions. Our Melon and Youtube streams have risen up. Your names are the most searched ones on weibo and naver. The poll for the sexiest idol is at such a competitive tie."
That again. The cretinous poll. Sehun doesn't even bother discussing how brainless and toxic this whole concept is.
"We definitely need to keep this up." Yoona continues even more feverishly. "We are aiming for a potential photoshoot."
"No!" Sehun shouts, dropping any pretense of equanimity. When he receives questionable looks, he glances towards Junmyeon and repeats. "No?"
Thankfully, Junmyeon is quick to get the memo, jumping in to help Sehun out of that trap.
"I mean, a photoshoot seems a bit rushed, don't you think? They've only been seen together once."
Yoona seems to ponder about that, scratching at her own chin. She isn't too easy to convince, unless they grant her with a really good reason to change her intractable mind.
"You must do this right, it's the perfect chance for us. We need to make the audience crave for it. We must keep their interest alight and drag it for as long as possible." Junmyeon keeps on, and each one of his words seem to penetrate Yoona's mind and slowly yield to it.
"So no photoshoots for now," She says, consenting.
"No photoshoots for now." Junmyeon repeats, exchanging weird glances with Sehun in the middle, unsure of what exactly he's witnessing there.
"What do you have in mind then, Junmyeon-ah?" Yoona asks, a small smirk tugging at the corners of her thin lips. Junmyeon is smirking too, and at this point Sehun feels like he's an intruder in between them.
"I don't know, maybe make them be seen out and about together a few more times. Spike it up with some instagram posts. We need to work on this friendship a little more."
Sehun, who was just starting to feel relieved for getting away from an awkward photoshoot, stares incredulously at Junmyeon and his incongruous ideas. He needed help, but Junmyeon is just burying him deeper in his grave.
Instantly, Yoona starts typing out hastily on her phone. "You're a genius, Jun." She cheers excitedly. "That's settled. We're calling dispatch."
"Will you even ask my opinion on this? You do realize that the netizens aren't crazy about us just for our "friendship", right?" Sehun tries to meddle in the subject, where he should rightfully have a voice, but at that point, everything else he tries will be in vain.
"I mean, you do look good together. There's this sexy chemistry between the two of you." Yoona coos, making weird gestures with her hands while Junmyeon nods at her in agreement, whatever those squeezing movements mean.
"Sehun-ah, this our best option for now. It's a win win situation. We've never had this kind of exposure before." Junmyeon nudges him with his foot, wiggling his eyebrows at him.
"If you want to back out of it, just say the word. But you should know, this is the easiest way to keep the spotlight and potentially get more alliances and popularity while keeping your pre-debut life as off the radar as possible, regardless of what you've done." Yoona continues, as though finishing Junmeyon's sentence and exact thoughts. Sometimes it’s scary how they both think alike.
"Even Chanyeol might benefit from this. With the focus on you, people will not bother his relationship anymore."
"Okay," Sehun decides, defeated. "Call the damn dispatch." The plan sounds too good for everyone, except for himself, for that matter. Be that as it may, Sehun is ready to sacrifice his own peace of mind for them any time if it means that in the end everyone will be happy.
The meeting finally reaches an end with what they call a successful strategy, but Sehun would just call it failed attempts.
Just when he's about to walk through the door, he receives another text. He can't help but scoff at it as he reads it, cursing at just how unlucky he actually is.
"Sorry, it seems like you'll have to keep seeing me for a while."
D day approaches sooner than expected and after a hectic day full of vocal and dance practices, Sehun is surprised to meet Jongin at the entrance of the SM building, carelessly leaning against a glitzy BMW. The sight of Jongin sporting a fancy long pink coat, Gucci sunglasses and a purse leaves Sehun feeling underdressed and unworthy of the company. He blames the skip of his heartbeat on the fact that he's unmatched, wearing old and tattered sneakers, clad in a simple plain shirt and loose jeans, one leg bundled up to his knee, just because he likes it like that.
Said quirk is the first thing Jongin seems to notice, eyebrow arching over the rim of his glasses at the view of Sehun's unusually exposed shin. He hopes Jongin won't ask for the reason, because Sehun just doesn't have one.
"Hey," Sehun doesn't bother faking welcomings this time until he spots greedy eyes prying around. Already, indiscreet cameras are trained towards them flashing pictures, so Sehun takes the chance to drift closer to Jongin just for show.
"Did you even shower?" Jongin's cute nose scrunches as he grimaces at Sehun, a smirk forming around his plump lips as he throws him an unpleasant once over.
Sehun pulls an offended look back at him. "Yeah, why?"
"I don't want your stinkiness sticking all over my car." Jongin pushes himself off the car to courteously swing the door open for Sehun. He has to remind himself that it’s all just for guises, but deep down he knows from experience how caring and attentive Jongin can be while on dates. Or whenever. It becomes difficult to set apart lies from the truth when they sit so closely.
"Shut up, is this car even yours?" Sehun wheezes, eyeing the vehicle with utter dismay. The top notch and high maintenance model seems a little too flaunting in Sehun's opinion, even in his almost 4 years of career.
"It is, actually. Got it last week."
"Idol life has been doing you good." Sehun whistles, entering the car with calculating movements as to not leave as much as a scratch.
Patiently, he waits for Jongin to circle the vehicle in excited leaps as if he's truly excited about this stunt whereas Sehun just can't comprehend why he would enjoy playing with fire.
The only reason Sehun's in that car is strictly for business.
The drive is quiet, but far from uncomfortable. When What a Life plays on the radio followed by Jopping, both of them have the most gleeful grins imprinted on their faces. It's when Sehun starts to realize that there couldn't be anyone more suitable for that business than the two of them. Using the opportunity to turn their past into a useful outcome. Maybe, if fate is gentle enough, they might even reconcile.
In the big picture, there might not be any fire between them at all.
Reaching their destination, they're still wrapped in comfortable silence, though Sehun finds himself tempted to ask questions, curious about Jongin's past 6 years apart from him. A lot has happened in his life ever since, and he assumes the same must have occurred to Jongin, including the habit to drive and looking extremely gorgeous while executing that particular task.
He pushes the subject for later, when the right excuse to pull the chains arises. Once the car is skillfully parked, Jongin turns and reaches out, gently fiddling with Sehun's earlobe. The gesture has Sehun shivering and undeniably blushing. It's such a sensitive spot to be played with unexpectedly that Sehun has to fight the urge to moan and purr.
"What are you doing?" His eyes fall shut despite his resistance.
"They're looking. They expect us to do something." Jongin is smiling, voice dropping to that tone that is all deep and soothing, like honey running through Sehun's veins.
Sehun prods at Jongin's ribs in return, immediately squirming and giggling as he swats Sehun's hands away. "I can't believe we're here." He blurts out, shaking his head in actual incredulity.
"What do you mean?"
"Where we are." Jongin reasons, and Sehun doesn't need further explanation. He knows exactly what Jongin is implying, what he's feeling. "It seemed like an unreachable dream for so long, and now we're here in our respective groups, back in each other's lives, pulling a stunt."
Where time vanished to is an incognito. It feels like just the other day both of them were taking the subway back home from school, too shy to hold hands for the public eye, but still managing to steal a brief goodbye kiss once they reached Sehun's door. Now, they're here. Close, yet too far. Years in between them is still not enough to ravage the strong bond they both carry. Only now they're getting to live their dreams, but in different circumstances they never thought could be possible.
"I know what you mean. I've worked hard my whole life for this, but I haven't had the time to let it all sink in." Sehun mutters, fiddling with the seat belt strapped snugly around his chest. His lack of realization is a given, considering he hasn't even purchased a new car even though he can easily afford one, like this one.
"Are you happy? With your life now?" He mumbles out the question in an almost inaudible lilt to his voice, still genuinely interested, although a bit hesitant.
"I am. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. It can be tiring sometimes, but I'm thankful I've gotten this far. I just wish things could have been different in the process."
Sehun grows silent after that, the implications in Jongin's wish not too hard to decipher.
"Do you ever regret it? Us?" Jongin questions this time, blinking up at Sehun with the same hesitation Sehun had just a few seconds ago clouding his eyes.
"No, I don't regret a single thing. I would do it all over again if I could." Sehun's response is given adamantly and steadily. Sometimes he would reconsider his feelings when he put an end to their relationship. Until he remembers he wasn't the one who did it. Jongin did. Sehun just decided not to stay and watch his own heart's disgrace anymore.
"Even leaving?" Jongin inquires, eyes turning sad and vulnerable. It could have worked its charm on Sehun if it didn't remind Sehun of the same look Jongin gave him the night of his departure all those years ago. Manipulative more than convincing.
"Even that." He says, unbuckling the belt and thundering off without a glance back.
Between them, there is no fire intrinsically. Instead, there's just ruins of what was once well built, but now it's just impoverished.
He earns a few days away from Jongin after their first staged rendezvous. But as the saying goes, out of sight, but not out of mind.
Obsessively, Sehun clings to his phone day and night, reading over every new article posted that cites his name. There's an impressive number of them surfacing online by the hour. Surmised, Sehun's and Jongin's outing caused an approved concurrence.
Kai's SuperM and Sehun's SC might be tussling for the sexiest idol position, but that's not what the idols have been up to lately.
Are SuperM and SC teaming up or clashing? Kai and Sehun seem to be aiming for both.
Is the world ready for Kai and Sehun's potential partnership more than their heated rivalry?
It's all there. Their meeting in front of the building, their smiles as they listened to their own songs blasting through the radio consecutively. Jongin playing with Sehun's ear seems to be a favorite for the public, and examining it closely, Sehun can't recognize his own face. He hasn't smiled so wide,to the extent where his eyes to turn crescent in a long time.
Look at the way Jongin babies Sehun. Seems like they're really fond of each other.
Lmao Jongin acting as if he ain't just 3 months older. They're two babies.
This is so cute. They're so adorable. Can you believe they're elementary school bffs?
you mean boyfriends 😏😏
I want to have what they have 😭😭
who do you think is the top?
Sehun topping?? Lmao in what world ?
"Sehun, are you okay?"
Sehun lets his phone drop down to his lap clumsily at Rose's calling. Most certainly, she's worried, but Sehun's gracelessness is comical enough to make her giggle with a slight shake of her narrow shoulders.
"I'm good. Please, don't mind me."
"Can you stop reading those comments at least?" Chanyeol isn't too tolerating of Sehun's recent delusion. No one is, as a matter of fact. Much less Sehun himself. He just can't help it.
"I will. Later."
"You said that just a while ago."
Completely ignoring Chanyeol's protests, Sehun fishes his phone out and goes back to stalking his own name on Twitter. The odd thing is that since his name started being linked with Jongin's, he hasn't seen one single degrading comment about him, which sort of feels relieving for once.
"Bro, if this is bugging you so much, then just back out of it, alright? You have a choice." Chanyeol speaks again. Peeking over his phone screen, Sehun scoffs.
"Do I? Really?" Seems likely that he doesn't. "But seriously, I'm fine. The poll is up for another 2 months. I can do this."
Rose tilts her head doubtfully, softly clicking her nails against the mug enveloped in her hands. Her tiny legs are dangling in the air as she's sitting on Chanyeol's lap, a hand curled around her waist.
"Do you think you and Jongin can ever reconcile? Do you think this is making things worse between you?"
Sehun squints at the couple, sinking down against the couch before turning his attention back to the matter. The sekaists. They've named themselves as such, and Sehun approved it as well.
"Between me and him it's just business, nothing else. You don't need to worry about my feelings because there's none left." He says matter-of-factly. These days he's cut down on his honesty a little, and sometimes it feels rewarding in some weird ways Sehun can't quite explain. He's surviving all of this, and that's what matters the most.
"Okay," Chanyeol hums. "Well, we'll enjoy this business while it lasts. Since you two have been the talk of the town, sneaking out of the house with my girl has been a lot easier." He exchanges little giggles with his girlfriend, making Sehun turn his eyes away.
"You're welcome." He guffaws jocularly.
"But seriously man, we just want what's best for you."
Although the concern is heartwarming, they’re also benefiting from this in some ways, playing a huge part in Sehun's reasons for being onboard with this. Sehun's phone buzzes, interrupting any kind of atouché response he had to the couple.
"Zkdlin tagged you on a photo."
His pulse is pounding steadfastly against his throat through the half second it takes for the post to load. It's a picture of Sehun laughing mindlessly inside a car, probably from the last time they were together. Sehun is distracted and clearly happy, the emotions evident even if only his side profile is visible. There is a second picture attached right next to it, and Sehun promptly swipes his shaky fingers to the right to reveal it. It looks the exact same as the first photo, except for the fact that the one smiling in it is younger and smaller. The crescent eyes haven’t changed in the slightest, neither has the affection in them.
'Cutest kid in the world.' The caption reads, and the smile stretching on Sehun's lips is inevitable. Jongin's kept the photo with him all along. There is a purpose to this, Sehun reminds himself yet again, a purpose greater than Jongin's display of endearment for Sehun. There is another resolve behind it all, requesting Sehun to follow along the scheme. So, he clicks the little heart underneath the post and composes a comment.
I didn't notice you taking it, Nini.
There is a storm of likes and responsive comments in a blink of an eye. Sehun's next time robber for the rest of the day. Unless he finds a better distraction. Which comes in the form of a text message popping up right under his fingertip.
The nickname carries a lot of memories, especially ones where Sehun used to moan it and beg to come on Jongin's fingers and tongue, the dancer always askingSehun to repeat it over and over in order to provide him his release. Furthermore, the nickname would always be muttered after a love confession as well. MaybeSehun shouldn't have brought it up altogether. It rolled off his mind too spontaneously to be controlled.
Back on Twitter, it isn't a surprise that the nickname is trending. Several handles have been created using some sort of a mixture of it and Sehun's own name. Sehun's having too much fun with all of that commotion for some reason.
Auayshdbdhsiwie he calls him Nini!! I wonder if it's an exclusive thing
Imagine Sehun's moan for his Nini 😏😏
What's Jongin's nickname for Sehun then???
It's husband I bet lmao 😂
Just say you're married and go sekai 😭😭
However, when Sehun looks up at the tv, all amusement dissipates. The model smiling on the ad looks like she’s mocking him. She's stunning, graceful. It's like her face is everywhere just to remind Sehun why things ended the way they did. Jongin's choice.
Krystal was never the one to blame, but she was still the main reason why everything fell apart between Sehun and Jongin. Her mysterious and seductive gaze playing on TV brings Sehun's bitterness back to his heart with full force.
Right there is the push he needed to finally put his phone away, along with his thoughts.
"Let's do something different today."
Jongin proposes a couple of days later. Nothing much has been put into action ever since they started hanging out, and Jongin is feeling the need for improvement, the game. Luckily, Sehun considers himself to be dressed accordingly.
"Just follow me."
There's no ride this time, thankfully. Instead, they settle on walking, which can be considered risky, as they're shamelessly followed by the locals. They're out in the open, for anyone's eyes to witness as they stride closely side by side. Faces turn, some gawking, some scowling, others neutral. There's a hint of panic growing slowly in his stomach as he walks down the street under the rapt attention from the people and their inseparable cameras. He can already foresee how ecstatic the reactions will be later, but for once, he wishes he could spend some time alone with Jongin again. Then he remembers they don't have the obligation to anymore.
Tactfully, people keep a safe distance from the idols to give them enough room to move, and even the camera flashes are diminished to something tolerable for their vision. Still, there's barely any room for privacy. So they follow their path wordlessly, anticipation taking form in his heart.
The end of the line is at a bubble tea shop, the one Sehun tends to visit late at night when he knows there is no one to tag behind him unwelcomed.
"I assume you still like those." Jongin glances at him amusedly, expectant.
"Yeah, I do."
Inside, the shop's staff demand them space, providing a table away from any intruder's disturbance. The ajumma owner of the shop is an acquaintance of Sehun, receiving them with warmth and serving them heartily as usual. Sitting together far from all the other customers, Sehun orders his favorite flavor Chocolate. While Jongin picks strawberries. It's only when they're face to face across the table that Sehun notices Jongin's state, the bags under his eyes almost forcing them shut out of exhaustion.
"You look like shit, bro."
"Thanks. I just got back from America. Then, I'm flying to Rome tomorrow night." Jongin explains, rolling his shoulder as though easing off an irritability in his muscles. Putting himself in Jongin's shoes, Sehun doesn't think he could ever handle such a hectic schedule.
"Shit, you're really an international guy."
"I've been working nonstop for… seven months, I think. I haven't gotten laid in ages. I might just explode out of frustration." Jongin cranes his neck, rubbing at his nape, the expression on his face not too pleasant either.
"You haven't?" Sehun frowns. That seems unlikely for someone with Jongin's looks. "What about the Lucas kid?"
Jongin stills, his eyes slowly opening to stare at Sehun the only movement he musters.
"What about him?"
"He seems very attached to you. Some people ship it." Sehun clarifies, slurping the drink through the straw. Oh, how he loves the sweet taste of it on his tongue, clawing at his system.
"People ship the two of us too. This isn't a reason for me to hook up with my bandmate, who's barely legal." Jongin's pout makes an appearance, the one that indicates he's irritated, if the constant straw stabbing against the plastic cup is anything to go by.
"I bet he wants to, though." The assumption brings another hard stab from Jongin.
"Doesn't mean I'll do it."
"But you want to. Have you ever done it with him?" Sehun doesn't know what's gotten into him. Maybe the drink is too sweet even for his sweet tooth, maybe it was the comments he read this morning about people shipping what they call 'Lukai'. Not nearly as popular as Sekai, but there are still some deluded ones believing the crumbs. Admittedly, their closeness rubs Sehun the wrong way, with Lucas being obviously infatuated. Always taking the opportunity to touch Jongin and gush about him. Insufferable.
"Have you ever fucked Junmyeon too? You know, there are many rumors that he's your sugar daddy." Jongin barks back, furrowing. Sehun chuckles dryly. That is one of the most ridiculous rumors ever made up.
"Does it matter?"
"I couldn't care less." Jongin groans, pushing the drink aside completely untouched.
"Because I've been too busy making actual music. My options are limited." It's unintentional, unthought of, but the spark is thrown out there, just waiting for Jongin to ignite fire with it. He doesn't really know where the desire to jab at each other came from, but it's there, begging to be gotten out of his system.
"Actual music? What are you implying?"
"What do you think? While you're traveling around for your modeling career, I'm cramped in composing my own songs."
"Like the one you wrote for me?" Jongin arches a brow at him, and it's done. Fire is burning up between them everywhere. Sehun laughs bitterly. He was ready for any possible comeback, except the one exposing his secret, one that only Jongin knew.
"How dare you? None of my songs are about you." He's mastered the art of lying long ago. And if it grosses him out, no one has to know.
"Are you sure? Because I still have all of your love letters. And they look quite similar."
The pictures. The letters. Jongin seems to have kept a lot more than just memories.
"Shut up. Why would you keep those?"
"You gave me those. Every month." And he kept writing those. For years. But Jongin doesn't know that. And hopefully he never will.
"If the songs are not about me, who are they for? Tell me." Jongin demands, leaning over the table to hold Sehun's gaze. The clock ticks by for too long without an answer from Sehun. The only one he can come up with is the one he doesn't want Jongin to hear.
"It's not your business. Go back to showing off your body. Isn't that all you do?"
At that insult, Jongin winces back in his seat with wide, hurt eyes. Immediately, guilt overcomes Sehun's senses. He knows Jongin is much more than his body, there's so much more about Jongin that no one sees. Still, the poisoned words slip out of Sehun's mouth unintentionally. All because he can't admit to himself that he's never stopped loving him.
"No, it isn't. But keep believing that, if it makes you feel less useless as an artist." Jongin finally claps back, and the pout on his lips is now the one that shows he's upset, eyelashes fluttering rapidly as though fighting off tears. "Isn't that why you left?"
"You know damn well why I left." Sehun groans through his teeth. He's never told Jongin why he did it, because it was too damn obvious.
"No, I do not. Why did you, Sehun?" Jongin's voice is cracking, and so is Sehun's heart before responding.
"Because you left me first."
The reality show they attend together is the most decent among the ones they had to choose from. For the most part, they just sit in a line with the other guests as the audience discusses about mental health and such. On several occasions, Sehun feels Jongin staring at him, but all they contribute to the show is pinching in their loud, high pitched laughter in reaction when feasible. Sehun volunteers to help the latest guest when she slides down the set. The audience coos at him for doing so, and Sehun tries hiding his blush as he sits back beside Jongin. Eventually, the host turns towards them, the awaited questions ready to be asked.
"Sehun-ssi, Kai-ssi. No wonder you two have been the talk of the year. You even have similar laughter. You sound like two hysterical hyenas." The host comments and the audience laughs instantly. Jongin drops a hand on Sehun's thigh laughing as well, since they can't really deny that.
"We do spend too much time together, so I guess we've sort of attained each other's habits and quirks." Jongin has always held himself better in interviews, always charming and full of thoughtful words.
"You have an incredible synergy; I can feel it all around you. Would you mind telling us how you two met." The MC requests, and suddenly it seems the whole audience grows intensely quiet as they wait for Jongin's depictions.
"We were trainees together first. Then we learned that we were attending the same school, though I was year ahead ofSehun."
"And how old were you back then?"
"Twelve, I think?"
The audience coos and screeches again while Sehun is busying himself with the plush toy he's been clutching at. It seems better than facing the cameras or the engrossed people from the audience. Jongin gently nudges his thigh then, encouraging him to speak. People seem to want to hear him as well, so Sehun gives in and lifts his head timidly with a calm smile.
"We trained together and grew up together. I managed to learn a lot of things from Jongin by watching him. His talent has always given me strength to get better. I believe he's unique."
"Stop," Jongin urges, blushing and elbowing Sehun. "You're good in your own ways as well. We have different styles that can somehow match well."
"How do you manage your time to sustain this friendship with both of you being in such popular,demanding groups? I can assume it not easy."
The MC is looking at them with such adoration that has Sehun blushing as well, both him and Jongin becoming a total disaster of giggles.
"It's all about commitment, to be honest. If you really treasure someone's company in your life, you'll find time to spend with them. Me and Sehun might have spent a few years apart, but not even for a day I've considered him any less of a friend. We'll always be there for each other, no matter what." Jongin replies, glancing at Sehun, seeking agreement and support. Sehun grants him that with a light squeeze on his bicep.
They hadn't had the chance to meet after their last argument at the bubble tea shop. Ever since then, guilt and regret have been eating Sehun alive, keeping him up at night. They just had to meet up this morning and go on with it, although they could barely look each other in the eye. Sehun has to admit, this is the most challenging acting of his life. Yet, none of his words Sehun's said here feel any less accurate. They hold more truth than the atrocities he uttered to Jongin last time.
"Wow, I wonder how Taemin feels about all of this. We all knew the two of you as the best of friends in kpop before Sehun got into the scene." The MC remarks, and an uuuuhhhh from the audience floods in.
"No, no. Taemin understands our special bond." Jongin says with justifying palms in the air. Taemin was there back then too. He's another close friend Sehun lost when he cut ties with Jongin. Because they're like a package. You choose one and get the other and vice versa.
"But if you had to choose between Taemin and Sehun, who would be your choice?"
"No offense to Taemin, but I'll always choose Sehun." Jongin speaks wholeheartedly, and Sehun's heart does a somersault inside his chest, filling it up with something indescribable.
But when the cameras turn off, the audience disperses and Jongin removes his warm hand from Sehun's thigh, he feels empty again. Realistically speaking, when Jongin actually had to choose, Sehun wasn't his choice.
The phone call reaches Sehun's phone unexpectedly. Ashamed of himself for not making enough efforts to reach him, Sehun accepts the call without dithering no more.
"Sehun-ah. I just saw you on TV. Is Jongin back?" His dad sounds excited on the line, and of course he would ask that. Dad had asked him for years where Jongin was, if he was alright. Sehun never told him. He somehow managed to dodge the subject until his dad gave up on it. Now, it doesn't seem like there will be an escape for him.
"Hmm... yeah. That was Jongin."
"He's grown so much. Why didn't you say anything? I have missed that boy. You should invite him over some time. For the weekend. Like you used to do when you were younger."
Sehun sighs. He's infinitely disappointed in himself. And his dad will be soon as well.
"No, dad. He can't. We're-- He's been busy."
More lies. Again. A lump starts forming around his throat. His dad is the last person he should be lying to. He's the worst person walking this Earth.
"Come on, I'm sure he has some time to spare. Isn't that what he just said live on the show?" His dad insists, voice changing to an apprehensive timbre.
"It's just that… Things are complicated. Between me and him. That's it."
There's a pause on the other side, and Sehun can tell his father is putting the pieces together. He's always had the ability to read Sehun better than anyone, like the palm of his own hand. And hearing Sehun's brief words on the phone must have handed him everything he needed to figure this out.
"Son," He mutters caringly. "You've never told me why you stopped talking. You've never told me the reason why you drifted apart."
"I'm sorry, dad. I wasn't ready to talk about it." He should have told him, he should have shared. If he had done it, maybe these feelings wouldn't be suffocating him anymore. He should have accepted the truth instead of holding onto something that was no longer real.
"It's okay. I've never pushed you. And I won't. But you do know that you can always count on your dad, right?" His dad continues, and the more he speaks, the thicker the lump crawling around his throat gets.
"He's back now and everyone watched how you two care about each other. Sehun, you once promised me you'd always remain true to yourself, no matter what. I hope you can keep that promise."
The one promise Sehun broke when he started lying continuously, when he became this horrific person that is so fake and insensible.
"I just want what's best for you. For Jongin too."
"I know, dad. I will." Sehun has always been close to his dad, the reason why he decided to audition and dream about a successful career. All because he wanted to help him financially and never watch him struggle again. Now he's failing that man miserably.
"I don't want you to succumb to a life full of facades, even if you get to the top. I raised you to be a real person." His dad tells him. Not scolding nor reprimanding. And that just leaves Sehun even more ashamed.
"I know, I'm so sorry."
"Take your time to figure this all out with Jongin, okay?" He suggests, a smile evidently laced in his tone. "In the meantime, tell him I said hi."
"Will do that, dad. Thanks. I love you."
After disconnecting the call and locking the door to his room, the lump finally breaks through and chokes Sehun's throat, taking his breath away. For the first time in years, Sehun allows himself to cry.
As he makes his way through the studio, Sehun treads carefully and watches where he steps, not wanting to trip over any wires on the floor. The set is already built with all the required equipment for lighting, shadows and cameras. Sehun's makeup is also nicely done as well as his outfit for the shoot. The sleek black fabric hangs loosely around his torso, leaving a wide expanse of his chest exposed, contradicting the tight pair of jeans wrapped snugly around his long legs.
What he sees when he arrives at the platform makes the air leaves his lungs. The creature in front of him is mesmerizing, making his mouth water and sparking fire throughout his entire body.
"You look gorgeous." He mumbles stupefied, eyes surveying Jongin. The makeup artist is still dotting up his face, cheeks being smudged powder against his cheeks that thankfully has the right shade to highlight Jongin's skin tone. Jongin is dressed similar to him, though his outfit is all white, which only makes his tan to stand out .
"Thanks. So do you." Jongin says, slipping one eyelid up. "What concept are they going for anyway?" He questions once the noona excuses herself. Jongin appears to be a little shy due to the skin exposure, so he's pouting a little.
"Some type of Greek gods, but with Koreans." Sehun jokes, and triumphantly it gauges a tiny laugh out of Jongin's mouth.
"I'm a little nervous for some reason." Jongin confesses quietly, fiddling with the low cut of his garment.
"You don't have to be. You're with me. We can do this." Sehun assures him, wrapping a hand around Jongin's wrist, lulling him to stop fidgeting. He knows Jongin's done this plenty of times by now.
"I know, it's just that… I don't know. There's too many expectations for this."
"Tell me about it," Sehun agrees, reaching around to grab a glass of what he can only assume is white wine. "Here, drink this."
They always keep the set arranged with all types of pampering for the models to indulge themselves and loosen up for the shoot, but Jongin is eyeing the glass suspiciously, creasing his brow.
"No, I'd rather not drink. Ever."
"Come on. Just one sip. It'll make you loosen up a little." Sehun insists, placing the glass right into Jongin's hands, eyes fixed steadily on him. After struggling two sips past his throat, Jongin sighs. face a little flushed.
"Guys, we're ready. Please, move to the set."
A staff announces, urging the two of them towards the middle of the bright set to stand under the lights and next to a spacious sofa made of nylon and sophisticated decorations along its wooden edges.
"I'm very pleased to meet you guys. As you may know there's a lot of high expectations for this shoot."
Once the photographer and his team take positions around the platform after greeting the models, they turn on the fans and lighting gears.
"You know the deal, right?" The photographer checks as he adjusts the camera lenses. "It's just the two of you and a throne you're supposed to be fighting for."
Following the instructions, Sehun takes the opposite side of Jongin beside the disputed throne. They exchange a glance, and Sehun tries conveying support through his gaze. They had daydreamed about this particular achievement in the past as well, but now that they're finally doing it, posing together for the cameras, it feels like reality became too palpable without giving them time to take it all in.
"Give me competitiveness. Rivalry. I know you can do that." Behind the tripods, the photographer directs, and they oblige as told. Navigating towards each other seems easy and instinctive, eyes never leaving each other under the shuttering of the camera.
Impulsively, Sehun takes a seat on the throne, his current possession, and Jongin doesn't move, keeps standing behind it, leaning down to wrap his strong arms around Sehun's shoulders, tilting his head to mimic the gestures of whispering in Sehun's ear. Pathetically, he waits for Jongin to actually speak secretly to him in his seductive deep voice, but no words come out of his mouth. Instead, Jongin's plump lips ghost over the shell of Sehun's ear, and he responsively spreads his legs around the seat. Someone from the crew gasps loudly, and through his hooded eyes,Sehun spots two or three of them sneaking pictures with their phones.
Sehun’s whole body tingles with telltale heat. He can’t breathe, can’t speak, but luckily for him, the photographer makes it so he doesn’t have to.
“That’s perfect. Now, could you bring Kai more into the shot? Can you keep touching?"
Without missing a beat, Sehun reaches behind to grasp Jongin by the wrist and pulls him onto his lap. Jongin follows fluidly, landing on Sehun's thighs and tangling their legs around each other's.
So they stand like that, chest to back, pressed together as Jongin leans back against Sehun's shoulder to expose his neck. Sehun's eyes can't help but trace the skin, the Adam’s apple pulsing, the veins protruding around.
Jongin’s hands are warm and calloused on Sehun’s arms that are securing Jongin around the waist. At any moment, Sehun feels like he’d be consumed, like this man on top of him will engulf him, perhaps swallow him whole. Sehun realizes he wouldn’t mind that.
When the photographer finishes the take and Jongin pulls away, Sehun feels oddly cold. Like he had been on the brink of something, the edge of something he's more than willing to step over.
Too caught up in admiring the curve of Jongin’s face, the swipe of his hair over his eyes, the concerned purse of his lips as he moves around, Sehun barely registers they're supposed to change positions again.
"You're doing amazing. Keep this up!" The photographer exclaims, aiming the camera up to his view. Then he pauses, frowning.
"No, wait. Jongin-ssi, can you open your shirt a bit? It'll look even hotter if you show your abs. I think your fans don't ever get tired of seeing them."
Jongin freezes at the suggestion, skirmished eyes briefly searching for Sehun. And it's like Sehun's unchivalrous words sting painfully on his tongue. He never meant to say them to Jongin. He was influenced by the heat of the moment, too concerned with giving him the taste of his own medicine.
"I don't think that's necessary." Sehun intervenes before Jongin can reach the hem of his shirt. The photographer stares at him, undignified.
"Of course it is. It's totally necessary."
"He doesn't have to do it if he doesn't want to."
"It's okay,Sehun. I'm used to it." Jongin interferes, complying with the request and shrugging out of his shirt. With his body half naked like that, Sehun should feel distracted and frustrated, but, admittedly, he only feels guilty.
It doesn't take long for Jongin to feel comfortable in his skin again, that little charm of authority taking root in his mind as he commands the next steps and supplies new ideas for it. The throne is put aside when Jongin proposes full body shots to highlight the length of their similarly long legs, so now they're standing nearly chest to chest.
Sehun wonders if Jongin can feel the pounding of his heart resonating through his whole body, strong enough that it feels like it's about to rip him apart. Jongin is looking at him with such enticement, lips slightly parted, that Sehun has to clench his fists to refrain from leaning in.
"I'm so sorry, Jongin." He whispers, staring into Jongin's eyes. "I'm really sorry." He repeats once he realizes Jongin won't respond.
"I think this is the easiest photoshoot I've ever done. You two are natural." The photographer's excitement is nonstop over the raw tension flooding through the room.
"It's okay. I said I'm fine." Jongin mumbles, gnawing at his lower lip. So supple and plush and pink.
"Not just for this," Sehun grazes his fingers over Jongin's abs slowly, barely touching. He feels Jongin shiver under his fingertips. "But for everything else. For too much, actually. I'm sorry. I mean it."
Jongin scowls, casting his eyes down to the floor. "Can we take a break?" He requests suddenly, pushing Sehun away from his personal space.
Head hanging low, Jongin crosses the set with hasty steps, leaving Sehun standing there, alone and confused. Aimless for thoughts.
He was almost 20 when he was first approached by an SM scout. At that time, he had been a trainee under his first talents agency for almost seven years. Too long. As a trainee, time seemed infinite and dreams seemed unreachable and yet just around the corner of a long stretched pathway they had to walk through. The scout had promised the moon and the stars if Sehun chose to sign with them and leave his current company. 10 year contract. Just a few months of practice. Full freedom to compose lyrics and even direct and produce their own albums. They wouldn't debut another boy group, but a duet, which would give him more room to showcase his talents.
But Sehun knew better. He had been part of that coercing world for too long not to know that any sort of their promises were too good to be true. Because in most cases, they weren't. It was just their tactics to convince more and more teenagers to strike deals with them.
What caught his attention was the fact that SM had been interested in investing in young children with both rap and vocal skills. On top of that, the fact that they considered Sehun fit for that occupation left him overjoyed. They stated they had even listened to his amateur mixtape. Sehun had been more inclined to make his own music, compose, produce and sign. But his agency seemed to only see him as a dancer and a visual. Even his vocal lessons had to be chased by himself, because they just weren't bothering to explore his talents besides his dancing skills. Sehun loved dancing with all his heart, but he also loved making his own music, and, unfortunately, he wasn't able to forge that anymore.
Before making any decisions, he needed to convince Jongin first. The plan to debut and tour the world together was still his main goal. And he was pretty sure Jongin would follow him anywhere, judging by the fact that Jongin's talents weren't being used to their full potential either.
However, the day he arrived at the agency, ready to announce his plans, Jongin spoke first, leaving no room for Sehun to even dare ruining his moment.
"I asked Krystal out today. And she said yes." Jongin had said with the largest smile and enthusiastic leaps. Deep down, it hurt. It tugged at his heart with a mixture of jealousy and anger and sadness. He didn't know exactly. He simply congratulated his best friend with a strained smile and let it go. He would tell him later, once Jongin was done drooling about his crush.
Sehun knew Jongin always had a crush on Krystal. Sehun already knew that when he first kissed Jongin. When he first touched Jongin intimately like never before, he knew that the one person Jongin fantasized about was her. When he proposed to mess around, he knew Jongin dreamed about dating her. Not him. Even so, Sehun didn't stop. He didn't stop kissing him. Didn't stop touching him. Didn't stop going further and further. Until it became their little secret. Until it was too late and Sehun was deeply in trouble.
It was Sehun who listened to Jongin gush about Krystal for hours straight whenever she would as much as throw a glance towards him. It was Sehun who watched Jongin shed tears whenever Krystal got too close with another male idol. It was always Sehun. So he decided to be the one to kiss Jongin too when he didn't feel like listening or watching Jongin's misery anymore. From then on, it was too fast and easy to fall in love. He thought he could erase the feelings Jongin had for Krystal. He thought Jongin could like him like Sehun loved him. Sehun knew nothing.
They had never discussed what they were, how they felt, because it all felt right as they were. In Sehun's mind, Jongin was his boyfriend. But in Jongin's mind, Sehun was only a friend.
He had already set up his own trap, but he wasn't expecting it to come so soon.
Krystal was already on the top. She had debuted at a very young age, grown up under the eyes of every citizen of South Korea. She was the country's princess. On the cover of every magazine, promoting every high demanding ad, modelling for the richest brands. She featured on the most broadcasted dramas and toured the world with her girl group as well, with the best-selling numbers all over the world. Every little girl wanted to be Krystal Jung. There was no way she would date a trainee. That would have been too unsafe for her career.
Sehun shouldn't have doubted it, but he did it anyway. It was just two days later, when Sehun was ready to deliver the news once again that Jongin arrived hand in hand with Krystal, looking like the most beautiful and happy couple Sehun had ever seen.
"It's official,Sehun. We're dating."
He really tried to be happy for his friend, but hearing Jongin's words of treason brought tears to his eyes before he could fake a smile. Left with his heart bleeding, he couldn't help questioning.
"What about me? What about us?"
Jongin looked at him pitifully, smile fading slowly.
"You are just my friend. I'm with her now. I love her."
That was the day Sehun made his decision. There was no youthful dream that could mend his broken heart enough for him to pretend he was okay. He packed and left. Signed with SM and met Chanyeol. He couldn't just be friends with Jongin anymore, not when he had gotten a taste of what it was like to be with him. Loved by him, fucked by him. But the truth was that Sehun was never going to be the first choice.
If only Jongin had given him a heads up, if only Jongin had been a little more careful with Sehun's heart. Jongin only wanted a friend with a warm mouth to take care of his needs when necessary, too worried about the end when they didn't even have a start. Ironically, Sehun realized as he left the dorm that they'd never had an ending either to cut all the strings attached.
Jongin's dressing room, as it turns out, is right across Sehun's. He stands outside for a good minute, hand raised in a loose fist to knock. Every time he shifts to actually do it, bile rises and his body quacks, like all the nerves in his body stand on edge. Finally, he turns away and begins pacing up and down the hallway just to pause in front of the door again, shake his head and continue pacing.
The sound of his own footsteps echoing down the hall somehow makes him feel worse. It's shame that beats him and forces him to gather the courage to knock instead of just awkwardly pacing around. He pokes his head in as he requests. "Hey, Jongin, can we talk?"
Jongin's expression hardens upon realizing that it's Sehun at the door. "Right now?" He doesn't seem to be in the mood to tolerate Sehun's existence.
"Yeah, right now." Sehun shuts the door behind him, no time to beat around the bush.
Jongin allows his entrance, facing the mirror in an attempt to avoid looking Sehun in the eyes. The lines on his forehead aren't favorable, but Sehun foregoes hindrances.
"Listen to me, please. Can you?"
"You said you're sorry. Got it." Jongin turns around on his chair to face him. And then he waits, falling in quietude. Heaving a breath, Sehun collects his thoughts before beginning.
"I talked to my father. And ever since, it made me realize just how shitty I’ve been treating you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I left all those years ago without saying anything. I was hurt because you couldn't love me the way I wanted you to and I completely disregarded you as a friend. My best friend. I was selfish."
Sehun doesn't dare looking, and Jongin's aggravatedly silent, immobile. When he finally speaks, he doesn't give the response Sehun was expecting.
"How's your dad, by the way?"
"He's fine. He misses you."
"I miss him too." Jongin says, standing to his full height. "Sehun, look…" Sehun obeys, lifting his gaze to watch as Jongin drifts close. "I was selfish as well. We both were. We both hurt each other."
Sehun feels the hard surface of the door meet his back, uncertain of what to do with Jongin standing so close in front of him. There's that unmistaken look in Jongin's eyes, the one that's full of sincerity and regret that has Sehun's heart stiffening.
"I should’ve been more careful with your feelings when I only cared about mine." Jongin proceeds , a hand lifting to deliberately cup Sehun's cheek slowly like he's afraid Sehun will disappear under his touch. Rather than that, Sehun shivers. From head to toe. A spell only Jongin can preside over.
"It's been so long. Can we just let that go? Please?" Sehun lets all of his walls crumble, closing his eyes and relenting to the touch of Jongin's hand on his skin, a thumb running along his scar.
"I'd like to have you back as my friend again. I'm tired of fighting." Jongin mutters, and when his voice strains this time, it’s due to a chuckle.
In each other's arms, their pending issues that were left untarnished for too long blend themselves together until they burst into nothingness. Jongin feels real in his embrace, tangible and absolute. Like he always should have felt, a definite part of Sehun's life.
"I'll have to thank your dad later. Only he can deal with this stubborn head of yours." Jongin says against Sehun's neck, where he can actually feel the stretch of Jongin's smile against his pulse.
"I'll let him know, he's dying to see you."
They're unable to let go of each other for what feels like an eternity. Jongin's carding his fingers soothingly through Sehun's locks, and his touch is so magnifying that Sehun has to remind himself to breathe evenly, otherwise he'll just become breathless and melt into a puddle of his own feelings.
"Do you still talk to her?" He catches himself asking after a tug of silence, and if he isn't mistaken, he can feel Jongin tensing up against his body.
"Yeah, we're still friends."
Sehun unconsciously tightens his arms around Jongin's waist, pulling him closer. He must have gone through such a tough breakup and Sehun wasn't there to catch him.
"It sucks that you two aren't together anymore. I'm sorry you had to break up with her due to her tight schedule."
The caressing on Sehun's hair stops, but Jongin stays still, cheek pressed gently against Sehun's. "That wasn't the reason why we broke up."
"It wasn't?" Sehun frowns, blood pressure rising in an overdrive.
Without replying, Jongin snuggles tighter around him, his hot breath fanning over Sehun's jugular as he lowers his head to his shoulder. "Do you still like her?" Sehun knows he shouldn't be asking, not now, not ever, but he also knows he must come clean with it.
"Only as a friend. I've never loved her."
Sehun pulls back to study him, eyes piercing through the warming impuissant gaze. "I don't get it."
"It was you, Sehun. I was too naive back then, I didn't understand my feelings well. I know this isn't the time to bring this up. We've literally just reconciled. But I guess I should let it all out at once, right?" He hazards a laugh, lowering his head shyly.
"Why? Why didn't you…" Sehun pauses, thoughts too congested for exertion.
"Say anything?"Jongin takes an obvious guess. "There was a lot we didn't tell each other, I guess. And that miscommunication ruined everything between us."
Undoubtedly, Sehun and Jongin were too naive to grasp where they really stood for each other back then. Now, it’s too late to resent the story they could have had together.
They are given the opportunity to make it right this time and they shouldn't waste it away.
"Every time I looked at her, it reminded me that she wasn't you. Every time I touched her, it didn't feel the same as being with you. She realized that too. So she let me go." Jongin continues, hands sliding down to Sehun's chest, right where he can feel his heart thudding.
"Things could have been so different. If only… If only we had…"
"It's okay," Jongin cuts him off with a hand moving up to his cheek. "It's over now. It's too late. Let's restart. Me and you. As friends."
Eyes fluttering shut, Sehun relishes in the way Jongin's hands are calloused and rough on his smooth skin. The way his arms feel heavy around his frame. He had missed this feeling. He had missed Jongin. "I have a condition."
Spurred on, Jongin nods at him, consenting his deal.
"We won't keep anything from each other anymore. No matter what?"
"Deal." Jongin agrees easily, a smile shrouding his beautiful lips before pulling Sehun back to collide warmly against his.
If this is a mistake, Sehun will just own up to it and live with it. After all, it's better having Jongin as a friend than not having him at all.
Outside, rain falls in crazy chaotic drops, the gusting wind carrying them in wild vortices. Sehun watches the drops running down against the tall window in thin layers, too forceful for an unusual fall of November. The warm cup of tea in his hand is his only company for the night, but it's somewhat fitting with the thundering, humorless weather and the gloominess of his flat.
The brusque knock on his door comes as a startling surprise. Sehun pads across the large living room with suspicious steps. The weekend has been reserved for Sehun and his thoughts alone in an attempt to boost up new ideas for future songs. And under no circumstances is he ready to have his bubble of peace disrupted. The unexpected guest behind the door is soaking wet from head to toe, damp clothes clinging to his skin as his body shivers erratically.
"Jongin, what are you doing here?" Awestruck, Sehun yanks him inside by the wrist, fearing that another second spent out in the cold will provoke a sickness. Jongin isn't too keen on an explanation as he lets himself be dragged inside the flat.
"I have just arrived from France." It's all he says, dripping onto the carpet spread out along the living room. The sudden change of temperature leaves him trembling heftily, so he wraps his arms around his wet and cold frame.
"You're soaking wet, come in. I'll get you a towel."
For the past couple of weeks, they have managed to nourish a strong friendship despite their overlapping hectic schedule. Jongin's more so than Sehun's with his bookings overseas. And it feels as if none of those six years have ever occurred. More often than not, Sehun ends up tripping over his boundaries and he tends to imagine Jongin in ways a friend isn't supposed to.
It takes time, he knows. He's still learning to put his feelings aside from the friendship. And hopefully he'll get there in due time.
"I'm sorry," Jongin follows him further inside the house, unsettling eyes scanning the flat and ignoring the squelching sound of his wet socks. "Are you alone?"
"Yep. Hyung is at his girlfriend's." Sehun answers casually, rummaging through a drawer while Jongin waits for him in the corridor.
"Wow, he has a girlfriend?"
"Of course. The guy is perfect. Every girl's dream." Sehun scoffs, pulling out a long fluffy towel from the confines of his drawer. He doesn't use that one that often, but he thinks Jongin will enjoy its color.
"I'm glad for him." Jongin mutters, back flushed against the wall.
"Here, let me." Gently, Jongin wraps the velvety fabric around Jongin's shoulders. "Why did you come all the way here under the rain? Aren't you tired?" Sehun questions as he scrubs the towel up and down Jongin's arms, intending to dry him off.
Speechless, Jongin just watches him. The sound of raindrops crashing against the rooftop and the periodical distant thunder being the only sound around them.
"Sehun," Jongin mutters under his breath. "I think I fucked up."
Confused, Sehun raises his gaze to meet Jongin's watering eyes, his lower lip trembling and a hue of red creeping up his face.
"What's wrong Jongin? Talk to me."
Tears break through as Jongin shuts his eyes tightly, a miserable sob rolling past his lips. His shoulders start shaking.
"I read them. I read all those comments. They hate me. I've been doing all of this, giving my best, but all of them hate me."
"No, Jongin. Please. Don't say that. Come here." Sehun engulfs him in a tight embrace, knowing from experience how Jongin is feeling. He's been there, done that before, and in a nutshell, it wasn't very pleasing. Neither for his self-esteem nor his mental health.
With Jongin's broken sobs echoing in the room, Sehun guides him back to the living room with a comforting hand at the bottom of his back. Jongin's tears keep falling diligently asSehun pushes him gently down the sofa. He's soaking the furniture, but that's irrelevant when his eyes are soaked too, but with tears. Urgently, Sehun dashes off through the kitchen to serve Jongin a glass of warm water.
"Why would you even do that?" He slumps down next to Jongin, who's struggling to swallow down the water through his faltering throat.
"I don't know. I just did. I got curious, I guess. But now I wish I hadn't."
Sehun takes the empty glass out of Jongin's hands to place it on the top of the coffee table, and then his arms are back to encircling Jongin by the shoulders.
"They're so mean and full of hatred. I had to read through the most horrible slanders I've ever heard in my life. They talked about my dancing, my looks. Even about my skin. I feel like crap right now. They must be right, I'm not good. I should stop. I'm too toxic and promiscuous--".
"Stop. Stop. Don't say things like that, okay?" Sehun cuts him off objectively, lifting his face by the chin. "I know it's hard to keep focus on the positivity when there's so much negativity around, but you learn how to ignore those. Trust me."
"Have you ever… Have they?" Jongin bites his lip, unable to finish his question. But a word to the wise is sufficient.
"Yeah, at first I seemed to be their favorite target. No one likes the expressionless guy with the lisp. They would say I was useless and untalented. They would make fun of me for breathing and degrade my singing. It kept me up for nights. It really left a mark on me. But I have also learned to find those who appreciate my work. And I work for them. I'm grateful for them only."
"I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that."
"Neither do you. Jongin, I mean it when I say no one in this world compares to you. So many people look up to you, so many people follow your steps having you as their inspiration. You matter more to those who love you than to those who despise you. You should know that." Sehun tries speaking with his best convincing tone, holding Jongin's gaze firmly with his own. It seems to work like a charm, as Jongin nods and blinks his tears away. So Sehun carries on with his speech.
"So fuck them. Fuck what they say. They're just jobless and living a sad life, taking their self-loathing out on others. They envy your talent and the amazing person you are."
"Damn, Sehunnie." Jongin chokes out a small laugh, sniffing through his nose. "Thank you. I knew you would make me feel better. Only you."
"I'm so mad. Promise me you'll never do this again." Sehun urges, furrowing his eyebrows at Jongin just to implement some kind of dominance. Jongin chuckles, rubbing at his eyes.
"Okay. I promise."
"Good things will find their way to you on its own, alright?"
"Alright." With recovered spirits, Jongin happily throws his arms around Sehun's neck, and time rolls, with the two of them embraced around each other. There’s a constant feeling of Jongin's fingertips grazing against his scalp, downwards to the back of his neck.
"You should change these. Before you catch a cold." Sehun suggests when the air becomes scant under Jongin's addictive musky scent.
"Not now. Let's stay like this for a bit longer."
"You're making me wet."
"Am I?" There is a suggestive and playful lilt to Jongin's question, making Sehun's body unhelpfully heat up despite the coldness emitting from Jongin. Slow and tentative, Sehun pulls back, searching for Jongin's eyes.
He can't peel his eyes away from Jongin's mouth. Barely there in the dark, he glances up at Jongin's eyes just for a second. An attempt to read his expression.
Jongin's attention leaps up towards Sehun's pinched brow just at the same time. Tension bled out of them in increments. Until it cracks altogether.
Sehun isn't sure what triggered it, but Jongin is shoving him and advancing on him, throwing a leg over his lap to straddle him, pressing their lips together. It's nothing more than just a touch of sealed, aghast lips. Sehun widens his eyes at Jongin's sudden boldness and unpredictability.
And Jongin still tastes the same, his lips still feel just as plump and smooth slouched against his. Sehun thought he had erased that taste from his mind, but it's all back with full force, as though they were stowed away in the depths of his brain, just waiting to be unleashed.
After a moment, Jongin pulls back, licking at his mouth and looking at Sehun's, and then he leans back in. And whatever's lodged in the gears flies loose, splintering into a thousand pieces and ricocheting off into the black, as Jongin's lips part slightly over his and his tongue licks over Sehun's bottom lip.
He feels a sudden lurch of heat in his stomach and his hands are reaching up and clutching at Jongin's biceps, pulling him in, and his mouth opens a little and Jongin's tongue slips past his lips. Just like that. And now it's a real kiss. Tongue and teeth and spit and lips and breath and hands that keep moving. His and Jongin's. His clutching reflexively at Jongin's arms and Jongin's slipping up to cup his face and his own hand sliding over Jongin's shoulders. Jongin's slips around to the back of his neck to pull him even closer, fingers threaded through dark hair, and he tugs just slightly, making Jongin pant against his mouth.
He feels a little drunk, but mostly just from the rush of someone else's body this close, of kissing, of Jongin. Maybe he's a lightweight, but he didn't even indulge himself with beer tonight whatsoever, he's a sober lightweight.
He wrenches his mouth away, panting and trying to resist the urge to just say fuck it and dive back in. Jongin is sort of panting too and he makes a sound like he's upset that they're not kissing, and his mouth slips against Sehun's bottom lip, his top lip, his cheek, and then he's burying his face in Sehun's throat, kissing and licking and biting softly, grazing his teeth. Sehun shudders, squeezing his eyes shut. His fingers twist up into the sleeves of Jongin's short-sleeved shirt, the back of his fingers slipping inside, pressing against Jongin's skin, and it feels strangely intimate, naked. Sehun can feel his cock hardening as they make out. The ache in his groin becomes more insistent with every touch and bruising kiss.
Jongin's mouth is working against Sehun's skin, sending little sparks of lust through his brain, and his hand is rubbing roughly at Sehun's shoulder.
He takes a deep breath when Jongin finds that spot on his neck that always feels so good for some reason, and his eyes roll back, so he just looks up at the ceiling instead of trying to fight it. Their teeth collide, pulling too fast, patience drained right out of them as Jongin tightens his straddle and tilts his head, letting Sehun pull him in too sharply again.
By the time they break apart again, both of them are breathing hard, their mouths wet and red.
He can barely breathe. Barely think. The edges of consciousness blurring, black-edged and tunnel vision, only for Jongin.
Jongin bites down on his lip and he pulls away just barely, mouth stinging and the sensation clawing down the back of his neck. Sehun brings him back down. Eliminating any space that might have existed between them as their teeth clash again. An audible clack that races down his spine and pools in his stomach.
He kisses at Jongin's jawline, his mouth so gentle. Jongin’s hands are still bound between them, but he sets them on Sehun’s chest, in search of balance, maybe. Perhaps grounding, for the livewire his body has become.
This is different. It's different from everything they've ventured before. Sehun used to always bottom back then, but now there's a tremendous need to take control and dominate Jongin, rile him and make him fall apart. Not that he hasn't considered it before, it was just that Jongin was too good and skilled as a top, and consequently,Sehun enjoyed bottoming with him. Now, they seem to work just as well the other way around too. And Sehun is overly eager to experiment with him.
“You’re still soaking,” Sehun exclaims hoarsely, a big hand patting along Jongin's dripping shirt sleeves as if he needed proof beyond the lower half of his jumpsuit instantly bleeding icy water onto the couch and his trousers. “And freezing."
"Not for long," One hand to his chest, Jongin leans in and kisses him chastely. His chapped lips are chilly and a little rubbery and taste like rain, but Sehun is warm and he's had tea. Tea with sugar.
The combination tastes like home.
Sehun boldly dips into that blissful warmth to deepen the kiss, pursuing their tangle of tongues single-mindedly, and smirks a little against Jongin's open mouth when he carefully slides the damp towel off his shoulders.
Within seconds, Jongin is melting on top of him, pulling him closer despite the clammy snag of their clothing until Jongin is crushed against his front, cock to cock, still straddling him. Despite their similar height, both being mostly legs, Sehun appreciates that this is one of the few scenarios where he has to crane up to meet him.
Jongin revels in messily kissing him into the couch, causing Sehun's cock to stiffen readily against him as they push and strain in place. The warm hands stroking down Jongin's bent back are like a repeated request to come down, hold tighter, kiss harder, and it's all he can do to oblige after being apart for so long.
It's just getting to the point where his zipper is stinging from the amount of dumb grinding they're doing, like teenagers on a parent's couch instead of two fully grown men, when Jongin disengages, stepping off the couch and out of Sehun's lap. Sehun makes a protesting sound, but Jongin makes sure his lips are the last bit of silky contact between them before he leaves without a word, squelching off to the bathroom. "I'll be right back. Don't move."
But as soon as Jongin closes the door behind him, Sehun moves into action, shucking his jumpsuit. He bares his teeth as the zipper catches on the chill-scorched, uncomfortably numb skin of his cock, then kicks the heavy, sloppy mess to the floor where it slaps audibly. He peels off his socks and lays back on the cushions, comfortable but still with his heart in his throat, so overwhelmed.
The realization that this is really happening and neither of them are backing away, not even considering how wrong this could be. Because all of it just feels right.
Soon enough, Jongin heads back into the living room, naked and shivering, to find Sehun exactly where he left him, head tipped back against the couch with his eyes closed and one hand absentmindedly skimming the bulging silhouette of his cock in his soaked underwear that was left on for the time being. Maybe just to make things all the way more fun. Slowly, Sehun opens his eyes as he senses Jongin's steps shifting closer, halting to stand tall in front of him.
"I found these," Jongin rasps out, barely any trace of nervousness to his voice. He dumps the necessities that Sehun keeps at an easy spot in the bathroom for reasons. The lube and the condoms sit beside Sehun as indication that there is no turning back from this.
Everything is hazy, barely traced by the inconsistent light from the lightbulb.
Struck by the sight or the odd hour of the morning, Sehun takes a moment to admire the man standing in front of him.
His profile – straight nose, heavy brows – is sharp enough to cut, but unmistakably calm. Tan skin covering hard-earned lean muscles.
Sehun's long legs are still spread wide, inviting. His other hand is poised on the back of the couch, marking a place reserved especially for Jongin.
Then Jongin moves, lets Sehun glance down at him and catch him with his dick in his hand, looking like he’s a bit hesitant, shy even, shadowed gaze touched with concern.
“Come back here.” Sehun says in a hoarse whisper, spreading his legs just a little wider.
Jongin falls into his lap again, straddling him just like before, and Sehun immediately goes to touch the meat of his thigh, groping and kneading. Sehun loves those supple thighs and how they flex under Sehun's touch.
Regaining courage, Jongin lifts Sehun's chin up and pries his mouth open with a press of his thumb, leaning in for another searing kiss. Sehun's hands naturally find his back and ass, and he wriggles closer, making sure the hot line of his cock is wedged against Jongin's ass.
Sehun groans into Jongin's mouth and digs long fingers into the muscles of his naked ass, grinding up against him as best he can while pinned.
Jongin parts from him only long enough to grab for the bottle and dribble some lube on his fingertips under Sehun's stunned gaze, a clear declaration of intent. He gets up on his knees and gets as far as rubbing the slippery stuff between his fingers and reaching down to prep himself, quick and dirty, when Sehun grabs his wrist. The dancer makes a squeezed, raw sound. A sound of want and being denied that want. So when Sehun pushes Jongin's hand away entirely, he lets it happen.
There's a momentary and necessary wrangling of the lubricant, and Jongin takes the moment to lean on the broad shoulders in front of him. With his cheek pressed against a warm temple,Sehun feels some of the tension of the night finally drain from Jongin's aching body. He sighs softly as Sehun's long fingers carefully pull him apart, slippery fingertips circling his ass and sending shivers of anticipation down his spread legs before pressing in.
Even just the rub of his knuckles dipping in and out of the clench of Jongin's ass feels heavenly. Makes him feel like a god , makes him feel powerful, the more he hears Jongin's tiny noises of pleasure.
The skilled, slippery petting and pulling has Jongin panting and pushing against the fingers for more girth in a matter of seconds. Sehun kisses him harder as he adds another prying finger, sucking at Jongin's bottom lip with a whine of breath.
And as he fucks him with his fingers, Sehun leans down to latch his mouth onto Jongin's nipple, tongue laving over the bud and teeth pulling gently. Jongin squirms, arms reaching up again and tightening around Sehun's shoulders to hold him there, pleading for more.
Two slick fingers press firmly inside him while Jongin is still trying to stifle his moans with the artful way Sehun drags his mouth all over his nipples, lighting up every perfect nerve. A distraction or maybe just a reminder of who Jongin belongs to.
With sumptuous care, Sehun's hot mouth works intently, sucking and licking at the dark nipple, tongue circling around it lazily. His mind blanks blissfully of any concerns beyond fucking Jongin unconscious while keeping him on that knife edge of too much, too fast.
Sehun bites Jongin’s bottom lip, holds him tightly with a hand spread across his lower back and the other plunging deep inside Jongin, watching him with dark, shining eyes, silent so he can take in every gasp and every hungry noise Jongin makes.
He strokes up and down Jongin’s spine, letting him arch into the touch as he whispers hotly. “I want you to ride me.”
Sehun runs the tip of one finger up and over Jongin’s cock. His finger gets wet from the head of Jongin’s dick and the tiny puddle it’s left on his skin, and Sehun plants a widespread hand on Jongin’s belly, over the sparse trail of hair Sehun loves to run his nails through. “You’re so pretty.”
Nodding, Jongin reaches down and curtly tugs at the hem of Sehun's underwear. It's all the signal he needs, and then he fumbles with it down to his thighs, hurriedly yanking them down one-handed, pushing up from the couch just enough to get his briefs off his ass and never taking his eyes off the man still straddling him imperiously, mouth parted.
Sehun alms his freed cock against his stomach. And another drizzle of lube gets Sehun's thick shaft shining and effortlessly fucking into Jongin's sticky fist. He takes a moment to rub over the swollen head with his calloused thumb and watch Sehun flinch and bite his lip and arch up from the couch, cheeks helplessly flushed. A mirroring heat bites into Jongin's gut.
Sehun’s hands leave his skin and reach aimlessly on the couch beside them while Jongin distracts himself by mapping out Sehun’s collarbone under his lips.
The unmistakable crinkle of a condom wrapper cuts through the relative silence of the room. Sehun's trembling hands slide the rubberdown his length as Jongin just watches quietly.
Sehun is unwavering as he reaches between them to stroke his own cock, the head occasionally rubbing against Jongin’s skin, but nowhere near where they both want it.
Jongin gets on his knees again and finds Sehun's gaze pinned on him, beautifully hazy. Trusting.
“Yeah?” he says gravelly, and Sehun just nods with a faint moaning noise, kissing his sweaty chest and kneading anxiously at his thighs.
Jongin gives him one last peck of his lips before bending, cheek pressed to Sehun's warm temple and nose in his silky hair. He shivers as he guides the other's cock between his spread legs. Sehun helps only by holding it in place, the head notched right up against Jongin’s hole. Jongin pants like he’s done far more than sit limply in Sehun’s lap like a ragdoll.
When Sehun gives him the word to go, Jongin sits, slides down all the way until he bottoms out. Jongin bares his teeth soundlessly as Sehun's scalding cock pushes into his slick ass, thighs clenching on either side from the sudden girth.
Jongin has to hold onto his sharp shoulders and slowly work his cock deeper, one hand on his own dick if just to feel his heartbeat pounding through it and warming his wet, icy skin. All the while, Sehun's hands rub at his legs while moaning breathlessly into his ear, but never pushing. He never pushes and something about that is turning them both mad.
Jongin's mouth drops open with an uncontrollable moan and he braces himself against Sehun’s shoulders to force his weak, shaking thighs to lift his body up and fall into a slow grind.
Sehun lets him choose the pace for a minute or two, working himself open more and more until the burn of the stretch is gone and there’s nothing but pure pleasure. Then, Sehun demands, “Faster, come on.”
Soon enough, Jongin is hissing and moaning into his neck as he rocks up just enough to push down and shove him a little deeper, tired thighs burning distantly from the effort. Sehun throws his head back and groans in baritone, long legs jerking and trembling. Jongin feels hot and tight and wet around him, and it has his head spinning fuzzily.
Whining, Jongin shoves his face deeper. His mouth meets the crook of Sehun’s neck and shoulder and he opens it to set his teeth there, not biting, but it’s better than clenching his jaw at the stretch and pleasure of Sehun pushing inside him so ruthlessly.
They are almost in a rhythm, with Jongin's hand like a vice on the back of the couch for leverage as he drives Sehun's hard cock into him again and again until skin starts to slap, low growls leaking past their teeth.
Jongin clings to Sehun like he might drown otherwise. He presses closer even though there isn’t a breath of space between them.
The storm of need builds up in Sehun's gut so he slouches their mouths and kissing Jongin harder, teeth on his lip. His breath catches and he groans, the passion of hard-edged want sharpened unbearably by a night of interspersed silence and struggle and endless tension.
Maybe he pushes too hard, goes too fast. Suddenly, Sehun's hands go from grasping at him to holding him down, against his chest and on his cock, keeping Jongin's face buried in his neck.
“Jongin. Nini, don't stop,” Sehun rasps against his prickling skin, deep voice trembling. “You feel so good.”
Jongin brings their foreheads together, breathing in deeply and letting go as his hips work in circling movements around Sehun's cock. It's torturous, the way Jongin sensually moves his hips, even more so when he leans back, placing both hands on Sehun's knees behind him, and starts grinding against him, his dick dangling and leaking between them as he does so.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you fucking me for hours. All night, every part of the night.” Jongin breathes out, face screwing as he picks up his pace. Sehun grabs around his lean waist to gather him close, flush against his chest.
“You’re mine,” Sehun whispers right into Jongin's ear, and he sucks in a shuddering breath.
Sehun is relentless. This isn’t a gentle kind of care anymore. He squeezes Jongin’s ass harshly and mauls the top of his shoulder all in one go, leaving the kind of sucking, biting kiss just below his jaw that he knows has already blossomed into an angry red mark.
Jongin moves, exhaling thickly as he grinds into his lap and forces Sehun's cock that much deeper amid the faint, pathetic pop of his joints and a hoarse whimper that makes him want to devour the man underneath him all over again. It's instinct to take Sehun's arms and pin them to the back of the couch on either side, hands fastened hard around his thin wrists, and Sehun's long fingers curl over his instantly, plaintive. He pleads wordlessly, his breath coming shallow and uneven, his eyes clouded and dim.
His unexpected paramour makes a soft noise, leaning his forehead against his and reaching for a kiss, but they aren't done, because Jongin isn't done confessing.
“I've always wanted to feel you deep inside me, so thick and big. I regretted so much that I didn't before.” Jongin continues, relentless, and Sehun squirms beneath him from the raw honesty. Jongin's hands soften on his wrists and climb up to tangle their fingers irrevocably.
“You can now,” Sehun forces out. "It's all yours now."
Sehun clings to his hands and ducks into his neck, body shaking from the revelation of desire. Jongin presses a quick kiss to his temple and sits back, forcing Sehun's pinkened face up.
“This cock is mine.” Jongin says shortly, relishing to see Sehun's mouth twitch in a smirk. He raises his brows, in shivering waves, around the cock still splitting his ass.
Sehun pulls him close and kisses him frantically, gripping and pulling his hair in a way that makes Jongin melt into a waterfall of shivers, falling harder than the rain behind the glass. Panting into his mouth, Jongin grabs onto his shoulder and uses it as leverage to slap down on Sehun's lap, his other hand now pumping his cock savagely in time. Every impact shakes him more and more until he groans and throws himself forward onto Sehun's shoulder, arms immediately enfolding him, holding him tight and close.
“Help me,” he says, strangled by the urgency. Then, a hoarse laugh. “Fuck, my legs are cramping.”
“I have you,” Sehun whispers against his cheek, voice deep and raw. “I'll always have you, Nini.”
Sehun's huge hands are like brands on Jongin's thighs, lifting him up on his knees to grope his buttcheeks and push them apart to pound upwards into Jongin's spot over and over. Collapsing, Jongin clings to Sehun's shoulders and gasps with every slap of skin, rambling nonsense as his world narrows to the fingertips bruising his skin and the scalding cock fucking every bit of resistance out of him, melting him all over Sehun in a staccato ecstasy.
“Sehun,” Jongin whispers, tears in his eyes. One spills over the edge and Sehun kisses it away.
Sehun sneaks a hand down to feel where he’s driving into Jongin and prods at his rim. “You’re so hungry for me.”
Knowing what's coming, Jongin braces himself, clinging tight to Sehun’s neck and pushing his mouth against his jaw.
“That’s it,” Sehun says, pushing the tip of one finger inside with his cock. Jongin’s tears are real and falling now. “I'm so close.”
Sehun's slower to make Jongin accommodate to this; the interminable, invasive stretch, the knowledge of how much he’s going to feel this later. Now, it feels like nothing crazy, just a tiny plea of Jongin’s body to give a little bit more. After Sehun’s thick cock, one finger sitting snug inside him just up to the knuckle
Back to such a brutal pace, Jongin clenches around him, slapping the back of the couch with his hand and biting into Sehun's shoulder as the blissful wave punches through him, spilling gluts of hot cum down Sehun's tummy. He's whimpering like a slut, spasming against Sehun, until he is pushing up against him, cursing and gasping.
Pushed over the edge by the sounds Jongin is making, it isn’t long before Sehun comes hard, his free hand gripping Jongin’s hip tight enough to bruise and holding him down, all the way down on his cock while his body shudders and he bites at Jongin’s neck. Jongin sobs at every sensation and lightning sparks through him, toes curling at the pleasure of being so thoroughly claimed.
Jongin moves hazily as he comes back down into his body, simply feeling cock still pulsing inside his walls.
“Fuck,” Sehun growls. He practically throws Jongin off his lap, letting him bounce on the couch cushions beside them.
Sehun descends on him with a righteous fury. His tongue licks over Jongin’s well-fucked hole, soothing and teasing in equal parts. Jongin manages to tangle his fingers at the top of Sehun’s hair and hold him down.
“Please make me come again,” Jongin wails. He hooks one ankle over the back of the couch to make more room for Sehun, for his perfect mouth.
He bites at Jongin’s thigh, sucks a bruise there. Jongin doesn't bruise easily, but it takes hardly any pressure to color up his thighs with Sehun’s marks.
He doesn’t stop his mouth from moving, diving deep inside Jongin to lick at the taste of himself buried inside. Jongin sobs and digs a hand into the wet tangle of Sehun's hair, but never pushes him off, doesn’t even know how to conceptualize Sehun stopping.
He cries, he curses loudly, he digs a heel into Sehun’s back. It’s so much, nothing but endless overstimulation, and Jongin doesn’t notice until Sehun wraps a hand back around his dick that he’s half hard again. He strokes him achingly with accordance to the rhythm of his tongue lapping at Jongin'shole until he's fully hard not too long after.
The second orgasm is a slow wave of tingling sensations as Jongin's cock halfheartedly jerks in Sehun’s hold. This time, as soon as it’s over, Jongin can’t stand to be touched anymore. “Stop,” he gasps, “oh, god, Sehun, I can’t—“
“Hush.” Sehun whispers against his skin and backs off. He kisses Jongin’s hip just below his heaving stomach. “I’ve got you, baby.”
Lazily, he crawls up Jongin’s body, careful not to jostle him, and wedges himself into the space between Jongin and the back of the couch. He's warm. Solid. He's there, right in his arms.
Jongin leans into the hand petting down his hair, mumbling earnestly in response to Sehun's fevered breathing as they both come down, Jongin's head against his shoulder.
Sehun holds him and presses kisses into his hair, his hands slowly, lovingly wandering over the expanse of his back and the knots on his muscles from too much training, sticky now from sweat instead of rain. Jongin is profoundly, painfully satisfied, and the two fret around and on top of each other, trying to do such a common thing with such jelly limbs and empty minds.
“Food,” is all Jongin says after he's properly fucked, little more than a grunt, and Sehun laughs as he plants butterfly kisses at Jongin's nape.
“Shower,” he corrects, propping himself up on an elbow to kiss him on the mouth, his darkened eyes glittering warmly as he pulls away. “Let's get us clean first.”
Jongin nods, but neither of them moves from the warmth of each other. Outside it's raining and cold, but Jongin, he's always warm.
It's a grey, slow morning. Within him, there is evident joy that peeks through the windows of his eyes and manifests itself in the stretch of his dumbfounded smile. With sore thighs, a courtesy of Jongin's suggestions of positions throughout the previous night, Sehun silently pads his way toward the kitchen, rumbling stomach craving for some fresh waffles. He considers preparing a tray of a plentiful breakfast to grace Jongin in bed.
Leaving the dancer's side and his warmth wasn't easy, foolishly dreading waking up from a dream to the realization that Jongin wasn't really there, but he proved his fears wrong when he rose with a kiss from Jongin's pouty lips.
He must be wearing the most idiotic grin, given the way Chanyeol glances at him once he wanders into the kitchen.
"Oh, hey,hyung. I didn't know you were back."
"I noticed you were busy." Chanyeol insinuates with a wiggle of his eyebrows.
"I was, a little." Sehun feels himself blushing, his ears becoming so hot he creeds they're fuming.
"Should I even ask who's there with you?"
"You shouldn't. You already know who it is."
"I've heard it too. You moaned his name quite a lot." Chanyeol smirks, pouring way too much sugar into a mug of coffee as Sehun mortifies himself for his embarrassment.
The clicking of the spoon against the porcelain sounds louder than it actually should, but Sehun knows it's just his brain's gears in overuse.
Chanyeol is his best friend. He won't judge. He doesn't even have the right to when the situation has been the other way around multiple times before and Sehun was the one who had to muffle his ears with pillows to unhear the sounds of Chanyeol's dirty activities with his girlfriend.
There is one thing he knows Chanyeol might do when it concerns Sehun's safety, whatsoever. "Are you going to scold me?"
"No. I'm glad for you, that's all." Chanyeol shrugs, too incautious.
Sehun frowns, expecting more than just that from him. "But?"
"But I'm also worried. I saw how it turned out for you in the past. I wouldn't want to see you like that again."
There it is. The brotherly sense of protection he's come to associate with Chanyeol. It's something that doesn't bother him. On the contrary, it makes him feel gratitude for this friendship and the mutual care they share.
"I know. We know. We're being careful this time. Honest."
Chanyeol hums, leaning against the counter as he pushes the specs up along his nose bridge.
"You're a big boy now, and a wise one. I'm sure I don't need to give you any advice here. You know what to do."
"I should talk to noona." Sehun guesses, not amused.
"They won't let us keep this going on if we're in too deep. Being together is too risky."
"Exactly." Chanyeol nods, crossing his arms. "I understand that better than anyone."
Back to their rookie days, Chanyeol fought tooth and nail to be with Rose without their agencies rutting their greedy hands on their relationship. He barely had a voice in any of the matters despite it being literally about his personal life, but he stood up for it incessantly nonetheless.
"If you can do this, then so can I." Sehun mutters more as a motivation to himself.
Being with Jongin has never been bound to be easy, be it distance or someone else, there is always something in between, impeding them. And it's up to the two of them to confront such obstacles.
"I would say take your time, but the sooner is actually the better." Chanyeol advises truthfully, resting a hand on Sehun's shoulder.
An indistinct chattering ensues the kitchen, slowly coming from the depths of the flat. Rose and Jongin both halt their steps and their laughter once they come across the pair already standing there. Rose is swimming inside Chanyeol's oversized hoodie while Jongin opted for wearing Sehun's button down shirt that fits him perfectly.
The rise of Jongin's blush is instantaneous.
"Is everything alright? Did we interrupt something?" Rose asks amusedly.
"We were having a best friends moment, excuse us." Chanyeol jokes, stretching his arms towards her, enveloping his arms around her petite frame as he tucks her into his body. Jongin slowly meanders up to Sehun's side as well, resting his head on his shoulder. The gesture isn't the most comfortable with the two of them standing at nearly the same height, but Jongin slouches enough to make it adequate.
"I'm so happy for them. Don't they look cute?" Rose whispers to Chanyeol, exchanging giggles. Chanyeol nods frantically at her.
"We can hear you." Sehun protests, wrapping an arm around Jongin's waist.
"Nice. Then consider this. We should go out on a double date." Rose's smile is prominent on her face like a mirror to Chanyeol's. She winks at them, scrunching up her nose cutely.
"Are we supposed to say no to that?" Jongin splutters, undignified by the girl's persuasive ways. Rose does a dramatic flip of her long, bright hair, stating.
"Come on,Oppas. Don't disappoint me."
Coincidentally, all their respective groups are having a break precisely 2 months later, so they mark the settled date on their calendars with a pinky promise to not bail out of it.
Most of the occupants’ faces surrounding the table are unfamiliar to Sehun. Regardless, he demanded every and each member of SM's PR team to gather for that unexpected meeting. Among the presenters, there are his managers as well as the president of the whole company that he's ever only met twice, and his dear noona Yoona to complete the team. Anxious eyes stare at Sehun stringently while he remains silent, choosing where to start, distressed fingertips tapping against the surface of the table. He's under the impression he isn't being taken seriously so far.
He made an urgent call to every name he could recall in SM's crew. He wasn't very clear about his intentions either, but they all responded to his demand more critically than Sehun could have thought, making him realize that perhaps he holds more value to this company than what shows.
"Sehun, does this have anything to do with Jongin spending the night at your place?" Yoona speaks up all of a sudden, breaking the taut silence dominating the room. Puzzled with the sudden expertise of Sehun's intentions, Sehun scowls skeptically.
"How do you even know about that?"
"It's easy to know. If your fans see it, then we see it."
Sehun scoffs with a passive shake of his head. "Fans. These aren't fans. They're sasaengs and you know that. Which brings me to my question. Do you even care about my safety?"
He's been living with the knowledge that those sasaengs have been keeping a close eye on him and everything else concerning his personal life for quite some time now. Constantly, he informs the company about their unwanted presence wherever they go, approaching whoever Sehun as much as heaves a breath near. However, their promises of aiding them regarding those types of fans can never be trustworthy enough. It's like they push it aside and watch chaos break out in excitement from afar, because it brings exposure and, hence, profit.
Their justification: the sasaengs never happen to inflict any type of physical harm. And that's not crucial enough to file reports or such. Which is completely reckless of them, if you ask Sehun. They never seem to be willing to step in until it is too late. Running against the clock, Sehun won't permit that it becomes his own fate.
"Of course we do,Sehun. What kind of a question is that?" An old man with a deep voice intervenes, but he's far from convincing.
"Are you sure? Because if you're aware that I have people lurking around my place and you're not doing anything to stop them, it makes it seem like you don't give a single shit"
There is a second of silence expanding in the room, and Sehun is aware that his temper is rising up and spiraling out of control by the second.
"It's not as easy as you think." A woman with red lipstick and solemn eyes chimes sternly. That's the best they can come up with, Sehun analyzes mentally, getting fed up with their taciturn responses.
"What have you even done about all those malicious comments I kept receiving? Did you know that I'm not the only one suffering from this kind of harassment? Do you know the damage it causes?"
"Sehun, I'm pretty sure you didn't demand this meeting just to attack us. You need to calm down." Junmyeon speaks this time, a grounding token that Sehun shouldn't ever test his limits with his bosses. He might be their money maker, but there's still a hierarchy to follow.
"I'm fucking calm." He hisses out not to contradict himself. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm done. I'm out."
The whole room gasps. "What?!"
"From the ridiculous dispatch thing with Jongin, I mean. It's over." He clarifies, which causes half of his spectators to sigh in relief. One of them intercedes, raising a hand to request attention.
"We still have a little longer to keep it up. The poll is still-"
"I don't care about this poll. I never did. You've gotten your little time of fame. That's enough. Give the title to Jongin, for all I care."
"Sehun. You have to think this through."
And he has. Ever since he talked it out with Chanyeol. They've watched many colleagues give up on their relationships or having to keep them inconspicuous to the public, like Chanyeol's case. Sehun doesn’t want to be another former example. He wants to have a choice and he will make sure he gets it.
"I just did. This is about my personal life. You've known from the beginning that Jongin and I aren't just friends. But you only care about what you can gain from this baiting exposure, you don't care about what we really have. What we really feel."
Sehun has always been enlightened with the limitations of an idol life. When he signed his contract, he knew there would be more to it than just the fame and the money. His dream of shining and becoming a star spoke louder, so he took the chance anyway. Years later and he has dealt with a load of said consequences, but that doesn’t mean he won't stand his ground.
"You know how these things are viewed here. You know how the media works. We can't just be open about it, unfortunately." Yoona tries reasoning again with sympathy glinting in her eyes.
"If you can't be open about it, then just leave it. He and I will deal with this because it only concerns the two of us."
"Sehun, I understand your point. It's your personal life. But you have to understand that you do need to be careful about it. There is too much on the table that depends on your behavior and what you choose to share."
"I know that. I can learn from Chanyeol hyung. He seems to be doing just fine."
The debate finally seems to subside, no one affixing any further credible accord to oppose Sehun, instead they stare off spotlessly in dismay. Jongdae and Junmyeon are gawking at him in disbelief as Sehun decidedly pushes his chair back to rise to his feet. He realizes his legs are shaking pathetically.
"Remember that you signed a contract with us." From the head of the table, a woman rebukes bluntly. She looks like someone in charge of a high position and she does not look pleased with Sehun's confrontations.
"I do. And I also remember reading every single word in it. They never said I should sacrifice my relationships for your profit. So stop exploiting it. I don't want that anymore."
"Are you choosing your boyfriend over your career?" She scorns bitterly, her mouth curling downwards in distaste.
"No. I'm choosing to have both. But not under your terms. I'm sorry if the person I really am can't bring money to your bank account."
Yoona squeaks in astonishment, covering her mouth pitifully. "Sehun, you're too valuable for us. You know we can't just let you go."
"And you won't. I'm taking advantage of it. For once." Sehun asserts. "I'll make music using my talents and I'll live my life with the one I love without any of you controlling it in your favor."
No longer able to put up a resistance, the room once again grows noiseless, the woman in command tosses her pen aside, a sign of her surrendering.
"I hope I have I made myself clear." Clear-headed, Sehun nods to bid goodbyes at the door, once again feeling alight to breathe. It's done, it's out there. Sehun's just made his part, now he only wishes they can make theirs as they should.
"Yes. We can accept that. We might just stir up some other scandal in order to divert attention to someone else. But you should be aware that if this blows up, it will harm not only us, but you, especially." The woman finally gives in, albeit her aversion. She doesn't even dare looking in Sehun's direction.
"Yeah, got it. I can take care of myself. I'm sorry if I yelled." Sehun lowers his head and bows, a remorseful feeling flooding his head. He will not feel sorry for what has just been done, for he was never wrong in doing so. "Now if you excuse me."
The path out of the building feels uncharacteristically endless. From the elevator ride to the slide of the front hall doors. Reaching the streets of Seoul and its mingling of urban hums reminds him to finally release his breath he has been holding in all along.
There is only one word to describe the magnificent feeling that consumes him. Freedom.
"Sehun, wait!" Junmyeon calls, barely reaching up to him to tackle him in the most dramatic hug. "I'm so proud of you." He lets out a tiny whimper against Sehun's chest, filling him with such compassion for that hyung that he can't help but reciprocate the gesture.
"I'm so sorry I had to be part of that. You know I love you, right?" Junmyeon glances up at him with his docile eyes, and Sehun sends him a genuine, gratifying smile.
"I get it, hyung. You were just doing your job."
"I had no idea how you felt. You should have told me. I'm immensely glad you stood up for yourself. I'll always support you in any way I can." On his tiptoes, Junmyeon lifts his palm to smack Sehun on the back of his head playfully.
"Will you be okay?" Junmyeon strokes Sehun's scalp as an aftercare in the middle of a crowded street sidewalk, both of them standing and holding around each other absentmindedly. Sehun inhales calmly, just once again savoring the taste of being where he is. With Jongin. So when he gives his answer, it comes with immense honesty, one that he's lost contact with recently.
"I'm with him now. I will be more than okay."
The darkness when Sehun opens his eyes is a little bit disorienting. Had he even closed the heavy curtains before falling asleep? He can't really recall.
Skepticism scratches that thought even before he catches the faintly orange glow of streetlights in the darkness outside through the bare and lightly frosted glass. No, not a surprising display of consideration. Just a soft dipping of the mattress beside him waking him up. Or a dream? He shifts a little. The heavy weight of an arm thrown around him like an anchor pinning him to this reality. Not a dream then, but a reality that still feels unreal.
A little unsure of what to do, Sehun stays still and quiet for a few moments, just reveling in the soft breathing beside him. Jongin's back from Dubai. Any time apart now feels like sand getting stuck in the hourglass, seconds painfully dragging out into minutes and hours and days. Weeks even. One of the downsides of dating a worldwide idol while being one as well, partially, at least. Sehun doesn't have schedules abroad like Jongin, though there's a rumor that his subunit is the most successful in history all over the world.
Still, this isn't his usual morning. It's more usual for him to wake up, hands outstretched towards a Jongin shaped indent hours after the dancer has left. And usually, he isn’t the little spoon since he often crawls into bed much later, burrowing into the side of an already fast-asleep Jongin. He enjoys the current feeling of Jongin curled around him though, even though it makes him afraid to even breathe too deeply in fear of disturbing the other man. Jongin could be a worryingly light sleeper when jetlagged.
On the other hand, Sehun could only stay still for so long. Knowing that he has Kim Jongin draped all over him.
He slides his hand underneath the pillow, giving into the urge to check his phone. The clock glows to light at the touch of the button. It marks 5:43 a.m. Too early to be awake, but never early enough to accept Jongin's embrace.
Sehun presses his face into the pillow, wondering if he can fall back asleep. The smell of fresh laundry, the soft whisper of expensive sheets against his cheek. Today, it all conspires against him, every sensation radiating Jongin’s electric presence, making Sehun’s heart thrum fiercely against his ribs.
Sehun undulates backwards, pressing his spine into Jongin’s chest, rolling gently from hips to shoulders as he maximizes all contact.
Even Sehun’s knees fit perfectly against Jongin's, and Sehun lets out an unintended sigh as Jongin tucks in around him just a little closer, flesh meeting flesh in a long unbroken line from toes to Jongin’s nose pressing into the back of Sehun’s neck.
The arm over his chest tightens. Soft syllables from behind him are being murmured sleepily into his shoulder, and Sehun grins, unsure if it’s just a universal non-language of sleep-deprived humans.
Sehun slowly rocks his hips in a teasing invitation. He pulls one of the hands up from his chest while Jongin's still pliant and unresisting with sleep, kissing the fingers gently, sweetly, lipping lightly at the golden band on Jongin’s finger.
Contented noises are pressed into the back of his neck.
Sehun parts his lips, hyper aware of the feeling of his own breath, hot and damp and warm around Jongin’s hands. He sticks out out his tongue, stroking it through the spaces between Jongin’s fingers, circling the accessories adorning his masculine knuckles. He uses his own hand to help unfurl Jongin’s fingers, rubbing his lips against the relaxed tendons, sweeping his tongue into a swirl around the tip of one and slowly drawing it into his mouth. He tentatively plays with the texture of the skin, letting his eyes drift close as he traces Jongin’s fingerprints, then licking longer paths as he starts to suck gently, pulling the finger deeper into his mouth.
The soft noises against his neck dissolve into rather sinful moans.
He feels Jongin’s finger curl against his tongue, and Sehun’s smile breaks the suction for a moment before he gently pulls back.
“You're back,” he whispers and then uses his tongue to convince two of the fingers back into his mouth. Jongin is definitely using words now, in accented English, and although the rolling, delicious syllables make no sense to Sehun, they definitely stirrup heat inside him, urging him on to be more daring in his playful exploration.
Sucking on Jongin’s fingers in a gentle rhythm, he starts pushing his tongue between them, around them, wanting something else in his mouth.
His hands on Jongin’s forearm hold him there, and Jongin’s other arm snakes underneath his chest, pinning him back in a vice-like grip as hips rock forward, Jongin’s fingers sliding with maddening strength against his ribcage, tracing the edges of muscle and bone, barely letting up the pressure to move. When Jongin’s hand finds his nipple, a moan vibrates through Sehun’s whole body. So Jongin repeats the caress, then lets up on the pressure, becoming feathery light and teasing.
The sudden scrape of Jongin’s nail against the sensitive, smooth skin rockets through Sehun’s chest, sending heat curling lower and lower. The edge of pain is a burning pleasure, exquisite and all-consuming in that moment. Sehun’s hips fling back into Jongin, and he arches his chest into the touch, demanding more.
Sehun’s breath becomes shaky, and he lets go of Jongin’s forearm to reach behind him, stroking an encouraging hand up Jongin’s sculpted side. He moans through Jongin’s fingers, and a part of his brain, quickly fogging up, lustful brain, knows that Jongin loves the sensation of the vibration.
This time there is no exception. The response is immediate and powerful. Jongin’s body is going rigid, trembling, needy, near-frantic. Jongin shifts, half leaning up, throwing one impossibly long, supple leg over both of Sehun’s, wrapping sinuously around them and pulling back tightly, holding Sehun nearly immobile against him.
Jongin keeps circling the nipple, his touch going light again, ghosting across the tip and sending whimpers spilling from Sehun’s mouth around Jongin’s fingers.
Shivers dance across his spine as he feels the silky brush of Jongin’s hair against the junction of his shoulder and neck, moments before hot, wet lips latch onto his skin there and he moans in earnest. “Yes!”
“Sehun…” Teeth are drawn lightly across his shoulder, and he’s sure his blood would be pulled from his thundering, pounding veins to under the fever-hot surface of his skin, drawn up to meet Jongin’s lips as if magnetized.
Sehun’s cock throbs forward, bobbing inside his sweats with the force of his heartbeats, untouched and blindingly hard, leaking as if crying from lack of direct attention.
Jongin’s indrawn breath comes out shuddery as well, and his hands dig into the planes of Sehun’s hips, holding him still as he slicks his cock up and down the cleft of Sehun’s ass.
The gentle caress of it moving past his sensitive entrance is enough to turn the gasped breaths to half-sobs. “Sehun…” and it drives Sehun insane that Jongin sounds so silky-cool, even if the edges of the name are drawn ragged with want. “I want to fuck you like this so badly,” Jongin murmurs into Sehun’s shoulder, hips rocking. The length of his rigid erection slides through the sweat between them. The blankets are too hot. Jongin is too hot.
And it’s not what Sehun imagined, not what he initially planned, but Jongin is a powerful erotic force and a desire for Jongin like this has been burned into Sehun’s brain, etched deeply over the years. His own thoughts are growing scattered.
It felt like so, so long apart. 6 years is indeed too long. Last night wasn’t nearly enough and suddenly all he wants is to be taken.
Jongin’s tongue sweeps gently over the shell of Sehun’s ear. His hum sounds like an agreement, but he doesn’t change his gentle pace. He sucks lightly on the skin underneath Sehun’s ear and his lips feel so hot and perfect and unbearably slow.
“Missed you so much…” Jongin’s voice rings slow and sleepy as well, rolling edges, smoothing the words as though he's tired, but also really aroused.
Sehun moans and buries his head deeper into the pillow. “Let me take care of you. You're tired."
There's a soft laugh and it makes Sehun's stomach flip, dizzy and weightless and cradled in this soft, unreal, dreamy bed, so turned on and so powerless against the weight of that desire.
“Want to fuck you bad, though,” Jongin’s words spark fires under Sehun’s skin. The teasing voice could promise release or hours of exquisite torture.
Sehun pants into the pillow for a moment, the pillows hopefully muffling the noise, his own breath hot and stifling as he tries to breathe, tries to relax, tries to take back some measure of control. He twists his face back up, gulping in the cool apartment air.
Heart still racing, embers still fueling wildfires where Jongin’s supple, strong body touches his own. “Come here.”
Jongin's eyes widen a fraction, pupils blowing wide with realization and a soft grin pulls at the corners of his lips, air puffing out in an intrigued way as he watches Sehun shifting around, changing their positions entirely. He softly haulsJongin to sit with his back against the headboard, andJongineasily complies, amused.
After straddling Jongin's thighs, Sehun sits back on his heels like a heavy weight on the dancer's lap to dig through the nightstand beside the bed. He avoids eye contact as he lifts onto his knees and wiggles his hips, pushing his sweats down to the middle of his thighs.
He can feel pink flush across his cheeks at the way his erection bounces free, head sticky from the mess it made in his underwear. But he isn't looking at Jongin, nor watching the way his eyes narrow with want, and certainly, he doesn't see the way his tongue slips over his lips.
Sehun tries his best to ignore the eyes on him, the hands squeezing just behind his knees. The opening and closing of the lube bottle seem abnormally loud in the quiet room.
He shakes away any anxious thoughts as he massages the sticky liquid over his fingers, feeling it warm up against his flesh. He swallows as he circles the pad of his finger around his entrance, feeling it pulse under his touch.
"How was Dubai?" Sehun blurts, still not making eye contact with Jongin.
"Hot. Tiring. There was an urgent change of plans, so we flew back a day earlier."
"You should’ve told me. I would’ve received you in a sexier way than just this."
Eyes tired, half-closed, watching him, not yet doing more than waiting. "Who said this isn't sexy? Your existence is already sexy."
The response hangs in the air, untapped for a moment. Sehun can feel his flush moving down his neck but does his best to ignore it.
Heat prickles across Sehun's neck. It curls around his ears when Jongin wraps a hand around his thigh.
On his next exhale, Sehun presses a finger inside, choking on the sharp inhale that follows. His body arches and there is resistance as he pushes deep inside himself. Sehun doesn't wait long enough to slide a second finger in and he can’t help but visibly wince at the pain.
“Are you sure about that?” Sehun pants, slowly circling around each other in an attempt to speed up the adjustment.
“Of course,” Jongin has his usual smirk, hand stroking gently up and down the back of Sehun's thigh. “Let me do it.” His hands move to Sehun’s ass, squeezing his cheeks apart and itching to feel inside him.
“No.” Sehun smacks his hand away, eyes staring down at his surprised face, brows raised over his frames.
Their eyes remain locked until it becomes uncomfortable, the sound of Sehun’s moans breathing filling the room as he tries to adjust himself, fingers barely moving, eyes narrowing as Jongin refuses to look away. He turns first.
Jongin's hands are warm against Sehun’s skin as he pulls at his sweats, stretching the elastic band to its limit around his knees.
“Take a deep breath and move your fingers slowly, in and out.” His hands move over Sehun’s thighs, skin soft and muscle firm beneath. They ghost over his hips and back down, eyes never leaving Sehun.
A small gasp comes from Sehun as he does as instructed, slowly thrusting his fingers inside of himself, dragging them against his inner walls. He can feel the heat building up inside his chest, tingling through his limbs as pain ebbs and pleasure pushes its way through him.
"How’s it feel?” Jongin’s brows almost furrow as he studies him, hands brushing over his hips, down his inner thighs, so gentle and grounding.
Sehun swallows hard, saliva suddenly thick on his tongue. He nods, lashes low over his eyes as he watches Jongin. The corner of his lips twitches up, eyes flitting over Sehun’s body, hands pushing under his shirt.
“Good, now start spreading them.”
Sehun's cheeks heat up and a coiling feeling burns in his core. He would never admit how hot it makes him when Jongin commands him like this, hungry eyes on him as though he wants to let Sehunknow how exactly he wants him. Sehun is no beginner at the task of fingering himself, but obeying Jongin's gentle commands like a good boy arouses him immensely.
Jongin’s eyes watch the way precum spills over his head and drips down his shaft.
He closes his eyes, embarrassed, and stretches his fingers wide as he pulls them out, pressing against the resistance and forcing it open. Sehun knows better than anyone that he is greedy and impatient when it comes to sex with Jongin.
“Jongin—” He breathes, spine curving.
A strangled sound pushes throughSehun’s throat, catching on his tongue and stumbling from his lips as warm, slightly calloused fingers wrap around his cock. His eyes crack open, breath wet on his lips as Jongin slowly begins to stroke him. He slicks the precum over Sehun’s dick, thumbing against the rim and pushing over the slit on every upstroke.
“Jongin,” Sehun is panting now, heavy and wet and heated, not caring about being embarrassed as his hips push and pull, fucking into Jongin’s hands before rutting back onto his own fingers.
“Wait, Sehun.” Jongin's smirk returns as he coos to him, and Sehun refuses to acknowledge the way his ass clenches around his fingers.
Jongin pushes himself onto his hand, leaning forward to brush his lips against Sehun’s. He tugs roughly at his bottom lip, teeth scraping the tender flesh. Sehun’s eyes threaten to flutter closed, barely able to focus on any one point with how close they are, breath hot between them, mingling.
“Now, crook your fingers,” His voice rumbles low, dancing against Sehun’s lips as he gives a little squeeze to his cock, thumbing the underside of the head.
Sehun does as told once again, eyes open and wild when heat sparks through him, abdomen pulling in and hips bucking forward at the burst of pleasure, a loud, strangled moan spilling against Jongin’s lips. He doesn’t wait for instruction to do it again, curving his fingers and rutting into the pleasure.
Jongin’s grin widens.
Sehun breathes heavily against Jongin’s lips, tongue flicking out against them, his own lips sucking on Jongin’s top lip.
“Maybe I should just let you finish yourself?” A low chuckle slips past Jongin’s lips as he momentarily noses into Sehun’s hair to inhale his fresh, morning scent.
"No, please.” Sehun’s lips part as Jongin’s tongue slips between them, pressing soft and firm against his own tongue.
Jongin sucks at Sehun’s lip, thumb massaging over the slit as the rest of his fingers are still around Sehun’s cock. “Ready?”
Sehun swallows, dipping down to press his lips against Jongin’s neck before sucking his lobe between his teeth. His breath fans hot against his skin as it dances out into a shaky, “Please.”
“Shit, Sehun.” There's a lilt of amusement in his words, smothered in frustration.
Sehun thinks he sees a flash of impatient disappointment in Jongin’s eyes when he climbs off his lap. It's quickly replaced with heated impatience as Sehun wiggles the rest of the way out of his pants, kicking his underwear off beside them.
Sehun watches as Jongin manages to slip out of his sweats with truly amazing speed. He doesn’t miss the wince when he twists to pick a condom from the same drawer the lube came from, though. Jongin isn't just jetlagged.
He's exhausted and overworked and sleep deprived. Perhaps even injured. It shouldn't anger Sehun to such extent to see him like this, considering his schedule and his back and forth flights abroad. Needless to say, the amount of weight Jongin's lost recently is obvious and concerning. All things considered, Jongin is happy and fulfilled despite the hardship. So the only way Sehun can step in is by taking care of him.
“I said I’d take care of it!” Sehun all but yells, pushing Jongin’s shoulders back onto the bed. Jongin lets out a laugh, quirking an eyebrow up at him. Sehun tries to ignore the look as he tears open the foil and carefully, surprisingly skillfully, unrolls the condom over Jongin’s erection.
Sehun purses his lips in concentration, petulant embarrassment flushing his cheeks as he pours more lube over Jongin’s cock. He relishes the gasp elicited as he slicks it over his shaft.
“Come here.” Jongin’s voice is soft but Sehun still crinkles his nose even as he straddles his hips. Jongin’s lips press close to his ear. “I love you,” he whispers, bringing back the English in an achingly precise way, still so in control, so measured, absolutely the opposite of what Sehun could manage.
The tone of sweet affection and the way Jongin’s tongue rolls over the unfamiliar syllables surge together, competing to see which can undo Sehun further.
“Your accent is so cute.” Sehun rasps, frowning at the execution that doesn't turn out to be as easy as Sehun hoped, awkwardly twisting to try and line himself up. He can just feel Jongin grinning at him.
“Here…” He slides his hands over Sehun’s thighs, reaching to squeeze a firm cheek in each hand, digging his fingers in and pulling an almost-moan from Sehun as he spreads him open.
Sehun suppresses a shiver as he feels the tip of Jongin’s dick press against his entrance. And then he's sinking down onto it, mouth open and breath shuddering against his tongue, a shaking gasp of pleasure and relief.
He stretches around Jongin as he adjusts to the length pushing inside of him. The hand over his cock grows even more gentle, now just the hint of fingertips against him, drawing soft wavering lines over and over before even that is gone, Jongin’s hand moving up to brace against his hip, pinning him motionless against his lap. There's no room for anything except the sensations inside his head.
Jongin’s slow press inwards seems to take forever. Sehun tilts his head back and mewls with pleasure when he feels Jongin’s hips finally press against the curve of his ass.
Jongin doesn’t try to hold back his own moans, low and bidden by teeth in lips as his eyes close against his will and his fingers squeeze, digging deep into Sehun’s cheeks, pulling him open, curling his toes into the sheets as he tries everything not to buck up into Sehun.
There's a breath of relief, Sehun’s chest heaving when Jongin is finally fully buried inside him.
Sehun’s thighs shake as he looks down at Jongin, his fingers still kneading into his ass and his eyes hungry. The corner of Sehun’s mouth twitches into a small pleased smile. There's something unrivaled about making Kim Kai come undone beneath him.
The movement rolls fluid, sudden, as he lifts his hips, feeling the slight curve of Jongin’s cock drag against his insides.
His breath puffs out as he swallows Jongin inside himself. A mewl-gasp spills from Sehun’s tongue as he feels himself stretch around Jongin’s girth, feels a shudder rising from the base of his spine.
Sehun’s hips shake even as they rise and fall, spine shivering and heat tingling in his limbs. His toes are curling into the sheets and if he could silence the heavy panting dripping from his lips, he's pretty sure the only sound he’d hear was the of Jongin’s dick in his ass. Sehun won’t admit he likes hearing it, likes the filthy, wet noises their bodies make, but just thinking about is enough for precum to spill sticky onto Jongin’s stomach below him.
“Fuck—Sehun, here, come here.” Jongin’s hands pull at his narrow waist, brushing against his ribs in an attempt to pull him close.
He wants to resist. To remain in control. He wants to do all the work and watch from his position, perched on Jongin’s dick, until he writhes below and comes inside him. But Jongin’s lips are open and wet, breath hot as it spills over his tongue, and Sehun wants to taste him.
He dips down, capturing Jongin’s lips with his own. The kiss is hungry and hard, bruising. Teeth scraping and nipping and tongues pushing aggressively against one another, laving deep inside mouths that aren’t their own. Sehun moans, Jongin swallowing it up as he jerks his hips, rising to meet Sehun’s rutting.
Jongin’s hands are strong against Sehun’s back, firm, holding his body close. Sehun's careful, keeping his upper body weight off Jongin as much as he can. Not the easiest thing when all he wants to do is collapse onto him and let him roll him over and fuck him into the mattress.
He settles for devouring Jongin’s neck, biting hard into the flesh, tendons between his teeth, and lapping his tongue languidly over the surface as a bruise blossoms. He doesn’t stop, marking his collarbone, his chest, biting into the meat of his shoulder until Jongin gasps as flesh gives and blood beads at the surface.
He’s always said Sehun is the greediest, with his whiskey eyes glowing like an animal and a feral hunger hidden behind his pearly smile. Sehun thinks he's probably right, but not sure if he has always been this way or if it’s something that Jongin brought out of him.
It's not like either of them really cares.
“Good—so,” Sehun’s breath is hot against Jongin’s skin as the tension builds up inside him, fingers curling around the edges of the headboard beside Jongin’s head need roiling at the base of his spine. His shoulders shake as pleasure courses through him, his cock trapped between their bodies and every thrust only serves to rub it between them, stimulation becoming too much with the precum-slicked friction.
“Fuck, Sehun,” Jongin hides his wince behind furrowed brows and an almost snarl of pleasure, head tilted into Sehun’s shoulder, tongue dancing over the shell of his ear. “It feels so good. Amazing. You’re amazing.” He pants, teeth scraping Sehun’s cartilage.
“There—” His hips tremble and his body curls into Jongin, ass clenching around the cock that fills him so good, so deep. Urgently, Sehun lifts his body almost all the way and drops back down onto Jongin's length, his head falling back as he repeats the motion again and again.
He cries out, pushing his heels into the mattress, knees bent and legs crouching, thrusting upwards, laughing breathlessly as Jongin chokes out, biting his own lip.
"Come on," Sehun breathes as he slams up and down, his grip on Jongin's shoulders enabling him to pin him down into every forceful drive. "Come with me."
Jongin nods his head, looking down at Sehun with glazed eyes. The air is warm and thick, the smell of men, sweat and sex heavy around them.
Grunting with exertion as he thrusts up again and again, Jongin's shoulders press back into the headboard. His breath burns in his chest and his legs ache, but he doesn't stop, can't stop thrusting his dick into Sehun's willing body. The slick sounds of their bodies slapping together and Sehun's increasingly loud cries eat away at Jongin's composure, and he thrusts harder and harder.
"Touch yourself—" he gasps, and Sehun obliges, shakingly reaching for his own cock, wrapping his fingers tightly around his shaft and jerking himself at a fevered pace, feeling the telltale stirring at the base of his spine and in his balls as well as the sweat covering his entire body, heart pounding rapidly in his chest.
“Nini, yes.” The nickname drags from deep inside his chest, hitching on his tongue and twisting into a high-pitched series of almost whines, each punctuated by a thrust in his ass and a secondary wave of cum spilling onto Jongin’s stomach.
“That’s—” Jongin’s fingers twist into the soft mass of black hair, thrusting four, five, deep.
“Not fair… fuck. So good—” He fucks fast and hard into Sehun, crashing their lips together and moaning into his mouth, Sehun swallowing the sounds with his tongue as his ass sucks Jongin dry.
There is a moment of nothing. Breaths heavy and tension gone and thighs trembling with relief and satiety. It's moments before he’s even aware that his pounding heart is still inside his body. His senses glow, the world blazing hotter than should be possible in the cool dawn.
Jongin finally pulls out of him, lips pressed softly to Sehun’s as if to ease the discomfort it always seems to cause him.
Sehun’s hands are shaking as he grabs for the Kleenexes, slow in his motions, to wipe their bodies clean of his mess. When he's done with his own body, Jongin has already slipped off the condom and trashed it. Sehun’s movements are slow, almost not his own, as he leans down and gingerly kissesJongin’s lips, quiet apologies that don’t need to be spoken again for Jongin to hear them.
“I’m sorry, Sehun.” Jongin pulls him down to lay down with him, fingers carding through Sehun’s hair and Sehun’s legs tangling around his own, a hand splaying softly over his sore ribs. “I’ll do better next time.”
“Stop. You don't have to. You just have to be careful and take care of yourself.” The words are a slurred mumble, sleep making Sehun’s tongue dumb as he snuggles against Jongin’s chest, lashes dusting over his cheeks and lips relaxing, barely parted.
Sehun smiles, wondering if he is even awake enough to comprehend the words.
“Yeah, I will. Promise.” Jongin hums, muttering something about ‘need you’ before his breathing evens out and his body relaxes heavily against Sehun’s side. Sehun has to ignore what he might’ve been saying, because ‘I need you’ is something he isn’t sure he can handle without attacking him then and there. He opts to pull the blanket up around Jongin’s shoulders instead, shifting just enough to snuggle against him.
Head still spinning, he's drunk on ecstasy, his body boneless and melting into the pillows as his heartbeat slows.
He turns and looks at Jongin. His slightly blurred features are etched with silver light from the low morning sun, honey brown eyes standing out brilliantly. The dawn has broken as paler shades of greys and blues, low winter angles lighting the gigantic, soft expanse of the bed seem lit from the side. Sehun looks down, enchanted by the light across their bodies, and traces the line between shadow and sunlight tattooed over Jongin’s arm. Despite the sheen of sweat that still clings to him, despite the feverishly warm touch of Jongin along his side, Sehun feels a shiver run down his spine.
"Do you remember," he murmurs honestly, pushing his fingers through Jongin's and holding them close to his chest, against his heart. "When we wanted to debut together. In the same group?"
Jongin chuckles breathlessly, brushing Sehun's damp hair out of his face and pushing to get him to move into a more comfortable spot. "Of course. Can you imagine how amazing that would have been?"
"Touring together, practicing together. Having dance duo stages together? Or even a subunit?" Sehun's grin widens as he reminisces the two of them daydreaming together, many many years ago. Still naive and too young to know the unfruitful ways of how life works.
"I guess the world wasn't ready for that."
"We can't always have everything we want anyway." Jongin's voice trickles into a quiet whisper. Barely there. Warm and wrapped up in close proximity. "We're here together, that's what matters." Jongin manages to draw out along with a yawn, and soon, his lashes flutter closed and his breathing soothes out, falling into a peaceful slumber.
"What matters," Sehun repeats quietly to himself, watching the man asleep in his arms.
"It's where we are."
Imagine being on a photoshoot with the love of your life. Only sekai can relate.
Finally the photoshoot we deserve. I swear these two belong to each other.
Blessed and fulfilled that I met sekai in this life. They are my happiness.
No one is doing it like sekai. And you know what's even better? They're soulmates.
94 was a blessing to this world for giving us Sekai .
Sekai are probably fucking wildly rn as we have continuous breakdowns over their perfection.
Now we need a collab. Song collab.
Now I'm just wondering if any of those songs Sehun wrote were about Jongin …. 🤔🤔🤔
Sekai means world in japanese because they are each other's worlds and also my world
How and why haven't we seen these two together or interacting anymore?? They used to be all over the place just a while ago. What the fuck happened
You know what happened. But shhhh let's pretend we don't.
What matters is that they're happy 🙏🏽🙏🏽 and together.
I miss them already. But I can wait. I'll always wait for them. My babies.
This isn't just a ship to me anymore I swear 😭😭 they're so precious.
Sekai's happiness >>>>> anything else in the world
"What's so interesting?" Jongin's voice cuts through Sehun's concentration. He smiles down at his boyfriend laying on the couch with his head resting on his lap.
"Ah, nothing. I just like seeing their reactions to us." He explains, putting his phone aside. Jongin quirks a brow at him, curiously.
"What do they say?"
"A lot, actually. I think you'd be surprised if you knew how smart they are."
Jongin hums, absentmindedly flipping through the pages of the magazine in his hands. Both of them are covering the front, and inside, many pages are endorsing their couple photoshoot.
Sehun cradles his fingers into his colorful hair, now a striking mixture of blue and green that only Jongin can pull off so effortlessly.
"I have a flight tonight." Jongin mutters, eyes closing as he lets the magazine drop on his chest. Sehun's fingers falters on his scalp for a split second, then they're back to stroking.
"Ah shit. I'll miss you." Sehun whines, tilting his head back on the couch. Jongin just got back from a Gucci Fashion Show in Milan.
"I'll miss you too. A lot." He admits, pouting and digging a hand into the wet tangle of Jongin's hair. "You'll be back to me, right?"
"Always." Jongin's eyes are still closed, but he grins softly, enjoying the soothing feeling of the fingertips grazing against his scalp, through his locks. "You'll wait for me, right?"
Sehun traces a fingertip along the lines of Jongin's sharp jaw, then the bridge of his small nose, ghosting over the curve of his plump lips, until it reaches one of his dimples, poking it playfully before finally responding, mirroring Jongin.