Work Header

Mulan vs Hong Kong

Work Text:

Mulan woke up very bad. There was lots of people throwing protests outside of her house in Hong Kong and that made her uterus exceptionally angry because it was pregnant with the fury of China.

"These weareboos wirr pay for inatentive rejection of societies that rasted for thousands of years old!" cried Mulan wrathfully, licking the blood of teenage underage prostitutes she murdered with her katana.

"Yes my beroved daughter the Muran, kirr these Tocharian foors for daring to not accent their sirrabres!" shouted her grandmother, poor woman could not get any sleep since Taiwan rejected the embrace of the Fenghuang.

So Mulan marched outside with her hair ungroomed and dragging her sword on the floor. She opened the door and say lots of people wearing masks with frogs in them.

"Kirr yourserf you communist foor!" said Yan from Love, Death and Robots with a tail anal plug beneath her actual tail that wasn't actually her tail after all but the real tail underneath that one was except it wasn't her tail either or maybe

"Don't you have rittre girrs to give ariens too you dumb fox?" said Mulan to her.

Yan's mouth opened in shock and she walked away angrily. After that Mulan cut everyone's heads off with her katana, then licked the blood with her tongue. Except the blade bisected her tongue, slicing through red muscle like butter through children's arses, cutting the epiglottis and filling her mouth with BLOOD. The blood from the blade contaminated hers, resulting in a series of viral, bacterial and flatworm infections rushing through her oral tissues. Tumours began to grow on the distal margins of the bisected tissue, forming structures akin to coral reefs that gradually expanded and grew whiter (geddit like coral bleaching) except with black veins permeating them and pulsing noxiously like penises of lust. Her central tongue tissues meanwhile collapsed, resulting in the organ becoming dorsoventrally compressed and flattened like a mutant koala cloaca, and blackened as well.

Oogling through sophisticated lenses glasses, Panda grew very aroused. He masturbated his filthy yellow crusted glans and rushed towards Mulan and raped her mouth!

"Oh thank the Jade Emperor I'm not an incer anymore!" he said while giving his brothers the middle finger and taking out a gun to shoot that pillow manga girl I forgot the name off.

But the Jade Emperor took great offense at the simultaneous application of his station to a petty earthly desire and the violation of an empireal agent of chinese oppression. So he walked to his cave and meditated, cultivating his tao to think of an appropriate punishment for the caniform insolence. Finally, he got out and prepared a devil chinese potion made of rhinoceros arses, crane ovaries, sea dragon testicles and the intestines of victims of child sexual abuse. He put it all on a turtle bone and shouted from the heavens:

"Muran my chird, rub these essences on your vurva and recite the erdritch teachings of Chang'e. You must visuarise the pig dragon and its fetar condemnation of materiar wearth for a prosperous Maoist future and feer the extermination of the Tibetan peopre as the fritting embrace of crarity of a post-coroniar rearity where the mistakes of the past are but a guide to the procravities of the future. Onry then wirr you see yourserf rid of the mascurine organ of deceit!"

But when he finished Mulan had suffocated to death on Panda's penis!

"Curse you the Panda!" said the Jade Emperor chinese daddly and he casted a spell that made Panda's balls grow with teratomas of Po's face.

Panda could only stare horrorfied as he enjaculated malformed CGI faces. He figured having another male within his balls - let alone a billion faces of him - would constitute homosexuality, so out of korean american toxic masculinity he took out a gun and shooted his brains, killing himself. Po's heads still kept on emerging, however, and so most of chinese was crushed by the weight of malformed panda skulls and sunk into the Yangtze Basin.

Then Mei began to twerk evilly, spreading her green yeast-infected fluids on the remaining land. Nu Wa did not like this so she cursed her to be a wandering beast, forever lusting but never receiving, a serpent to earth's malnutrition and sordid desires of love.

With all said and done, the Taoist pantheon stared at the void, wanting a simpler time.