Bucky woke with a start, his eyes blinking as he stared up at the ceiling, plain, boring, his brain a foggy mess as he tried to remember what had happened to him. He shifted on the bed, a blanket moved beneath him, but there was nothing covering his body, which he noted was still dressed in his uniform, including his boots, it was like someone had dumped him on the bed and left. At least he wasn't tied down. Moving slowly he sat up, being cautious for any hidden injuries, but finding none as he swung his feet to the floor and took a look at his surroundings.
The room he was in was just as plain and boring as the ceiling. A dresser was shoved against one wall, an empty desk at another. Ignoring them both, Bucky's eyes fell upon the closed door, debating on whether or not he was locked inside the plain and boring room.
"Only one way to find out," Bucky muttered to himself as he stood and crossed the short distance to the door. Lightly he touched the doorknob, worried that it might be some sort of trap, and he had no desire to lose a hand. When nothing happened, he gripped the doorknob tighter, surprise going through him as it easily turned, allowing him to pull the door open to reveal a dark hallway.
At least whoever had taken him didn't seem interested in harming him.
Bucky wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
Good, he supposed. The last time he was a captive there had been a lot of pain and needles jabbed into him. He thought he was going to die until Steve found him on that operating table. But while things currently weren't that bad, he didn't trust Hydra or the Nazis to change their tactics in the games they played. Everything easily could be a way to break him.
But he wouldn't break. He didn't last time and he wouldn't this time either. Even if that wasn't what was currently going on, he still needed to find a way to escape. He couldn't always count on Steve to rescue him.
Slowly, keeping his footsteps light, he made his way down the hall, his hand sliding along the wall to guide him in the darkness. He was in an apartment of some sort, where though he didn't know, his mind still in a haze from whatever had happened to him.
A mission, the word bouncing around in his head. He remembered that much. He had been on a mission with Steve and the other Howling Commandos. Other than that his mind was coming up blank.
The hallway gave away to a living room, not that there wasn't much to see, especially in the dim lighting due to newspapers covering the windows preventing the sunlight from properly entering the room. There was a worn couch and chair, a bookshelf that was empty and a weird looking device on a stand that Bucky didn't recognize. Beyond the living room was an open doorway, leading to the kitchen Bucky imagined, and there was also a closed door to his left; the way out.
Silently he moved across the room to the closed door, touching the handle but quickly finding it wouldn't move under his touch; locked. He scanned the door and the knob as best he could with what light was available, finding no way to unlock it.
As he turned away from the door, he eyed the open doorway, in the kitchen there could be something that he could use to break open the door. He needed to move fast though. Because while currently it seemed like the apartment was empty, Bucky didn't want to stay around long enough for whoever had put him in the apartment to return.
He moved to the open doorway, his back pressed to the wall as he peaked around it. There was no obvious sign of danger that he could see so he ventured further into the room, that's when he spotted the man seated at the kitchen table, half-hidden in the shadows except for his eyes, the blinds on the window opened just enough that sunlight made his eyes visible. They were cold and dangerous, and Bucky knew without a doubt that this was a man who could have killed him if he wanted too, but for some reason he had kept him alive.
For a moment they stared at each other before Bucky finally spoke. "Who are you?"
Nothing; no response from the man.
"Why am I here?" Bucky asked, trying again. He didn't dare get closer, staying at the safety near the doorway, giving him room to maneuver if anything happened.
Instead the eyes silently continued to judge him.
Getting bolder, Bucky took a step closer. He knew how to fight, he had been saving Steve's ass from fights as long as he could remember and that was before he joined the army. If the strange man was underestimating him, he would make him pay. All he needed was a couple of lucky strikes. "Look pal-"
"Why do you have that face?"
The man's voice stopped Bucky in his tracks. It was slightly muffled, like something was covering it, but it was still clear enough that he could understand what the man was saying. Not that he understood the question.
"It's my face, it's always looked this way."
The chair noisily scraped across the floor as the man stood. He moved around the table, quiet movements, and as he stepped closer Bucky saw there was a mask that completely covered the lower half of his face. That at least explained one thing.
Bucky's eyes quickly raked over his body, or at least as much as he could in the dim lighting. Same height but the man had the edge in muscles. His clothing black save for his left sleeve which was grey. It was a uniform that Bucky didn't recognize, either on the Allies side or the enemies, it had to mean he was part of some sort of special unit.
"Why do you have that face?" The man repeated and Bucky rolled his eyes.
"I told you- "
A hand shot out, gripping Bucky by the throat before he even had an opportunity to react. Metal. Metal pressed against his skin and horror ran through him as he grasped at the wrist, trying unsuccessfully to pry it off him. The grey arm wasn't a sleeve, it was a metal arm.
The man dragged him closer, his free hand going to his mask and yanking it off his face and Bucky went quiet, staring at the image before him. The face was his own.
With a shove the man released him and somehow Bucky found the will to stay on his feet as he rubbed his throat, gasping for breath, his eyes not leaving the man's. "Why do you look like me?" he eventually asked, his voice rough but recovering, there was no lasting damage.
"That's what I want to know."
The man moved back to the table, reclaiming his seat from earlier. There was an empty chair across from him, which Bucky took as indication he was supposed to sit down. And while escape was still on his mind, he also wanted to know the man's story and why they shared a face. He didn't think he had a twin, he was positive his parents would have told him if one had 'died' during his birth. He was also convinced they would have told him if he had any brother. A cousin perhaps? Or maybe it was just a coincidence, Bucky had heard of things like that happening.
Except without the mask the man even sounded the same as him.
"My name is Bucky," he said, sitting down across from the man. "James Buchanan Barnes. Does the name mean anything to you?"
There was a far away look in his eyes as he blinked a few times. It was an ideal time to attack, try to get away, but Bucky wanted, he needed to know what was going on. Eventually the man's gaze settled on him. "I don't know."
"Do you have a name?" At least then he could stop thinking of him as 'the man'.
"That's not a name."
He didn't reply at first as he studied Bucky. "I've heard the men call me by another name when they're among themselves."
Great; now they were getting somewhere. "And that is…?"
"The Winter Soldier."
At least it was better than 'Asset'. Bucky was quickly understanding why the man didn't seem right. Someone had done something to him, something bad. A memory went through him, one that he didn't show on his face, he was strapped to a table, a short, ugly man poking and injecting him with things. He thought he was going to die, the others they had taken were never seen again, but then Steve had rescued him.
He had a feeling that there would be no Steve this time. He was on his own.
Although if the man wasn't a relative and if it just wasn't a coincidence, maybe that incident somehow played a part in whatever was going on. Not that it would do them any good. Bucky had been out of it for most of it, the pain had been too great. There was no telling what was done to him.
And while stealing someone's face sounded crazy, he had seen a lot of crazy things already. Not just the things Hydra done, the memory of a face peeling away to reveal a red skull being burned into his memory, his best friend went from a scrawny twig to being Captain America.
The Winter Soldier, because that was the name Bucky had to make do with, silently stared at him, seemingly waiting for him to make the next move. "How did you find me?" he asked. His memory was still fuzzy.
"There was a mission."
Bucky nodded his head. "I was on a mission too." But whatever the mission was, he doubted it involved confronting his double. "Do you remember a man in a blue helmet, with an 'A' on the front of it?"
The answer came quick. "No."
So much for that. Although Bucky knew he had been with Steve before waking up in the apartment. All of their missions involved Steve, fuck, the only reason Bucky was partaking in the missions was for Steve. If not for him who knew what type of trouble Steve would find himself in. Although this time, yet again, he was in trouble. It was a situation that Bucky didn't like, wasn't used too.
"Steve Rogers?" he asked, trying again.
There was pain in the Winter Soldier's eyes and Bucky was growing confident that he wasn't the only one with memory issues. He was missing the last mission he had been on, how much was the Winter Soldier missing? Likely a lot. Despite everything Bucky's heart went out to him, he really couldn't ignore someone who needed his help.
But first things first.
"Then we should find out what happened to us." If he was going to get out of the mess he found himself in, he was going to have to work together with the Winter Soldier whether he liked it or not. "Can you tell me about your mission?"
Bucky sighed, his hand going to his hair as he ran his fingers through it. At least no answer was slightly better than the previous anger. He absentmindedly rubbed at his throat again, remembering how the Winter Soldier had easily gripped him, strangled him. He would have been dead if the man had wanted it.
But he couldn't think about that for the time being. Despite his inability to answer questions, the Winter Soldier seemed like he wanted answers as well. That was why he had taken Bucky, kept him alive. They were in it together, whatever 'it' was.
"I don't remember my mission," he offered, hoping with what he did know they might be able to figure something out. "Hydra was after something… there was an old church, small, in the middle of nowhere, but it had a vast network of tunnels and chambers underground. We split up to cover more ground… and then I woke up here."
"I know the place," the Winter Soldier replied. "It's where I found you."
"Then it's nearby?" Excitement went through Bucky. For the first time since he woke up things were looking up. "Steve's probably still there looking for me. We can find him, go home, you can come with us. We'll help you."
"There was no one else there."
Bucky wanted to argue, tell him that was impossible to know given the size of the place, but he held his tongue, he didn't want to make the Winter Soldier mad again. Not just for his own safety. In a weird way he felt connected to the man, an invisible bond, maybe because neither one of them seemed to know how they ended up there. But whatever the reason he didn't want to upset him.
"Then what do we do?"
That was the big question. Because Bucky had no desire to stay with the Winter Soldier in some rundown apartment for the rest of his life. At some point they needed to figure out what they were going to do.
"I don't know."
So much for help from the Winter Soldier. "Can you get us out of the country?" Bucky tried not to show the frustration in his voice. If they could get back across enemy lines then they could reunite with the Allies, find their way back to Steve from there.
Instead the Winter Soldier cocked his head, like he was listening to something. "Get down."
Bucky mimicked the head cock, hearing nothing. He was about to ask the Winter Soldier what was going on when a person came crashing through the nearby window, taking Bucky by surprised, the chair, and him, falling to the floor.
Commands were barked in a language he didn't recognize, Russian perhaps, and there were more crashing and bashing sounds, hard footsteps against the floor, gunfire, and a body fell next to Bucky, alive or not, he didn't know and he wasn't going to wait around to find out. He scrambled to his feet, the sight before was one that took him by surprise, the Winter Soldier was battling four men with a fighting style that Bucky had never seen before; quick, brutal, with a series of punches and kicks. Bucky was no stranger to fights but this was a skill level far beyond his own. All he could do was stand there, stunned, as the Winter Soldier finished them off.
"Come," the Winter Soldier said to him, grabbing him by his jacket as he began dragging Bucky through the apartment so fast that his legs struggled to keep up.
"Who are they?" They had advanced technology, that much Bucky knew, weapon designs that he was unfamiliar with and combat clothing he had never seen before. "Hydra?" It seemed likely, or at least Bucky hoped there wasn't another evil organization out there with advanced technology.
"They want me."
He offered no explanation beyond that, but Bucky could figure things out for himself. It didn't surprise him that the Winter Soldier had handlers and he had to have gone rogue during his mission because Bucky doubted that his mission involved kidnapping his double.
The front door was busted in, which was where the Winter Soldier was headed, dragging Bucky along with him, stepping over the debris. "I can fight," Bucky said to him, he felt pathetic needing someone to protect him. Now he knew how Steve felt for all those years.
But the Winter Soldier gave him no reply as he headed for the stairs.
There were more men waiting for them. As they raised their weapons, the Winter Soldier released Bucky, bringing his metal arm up to shield them from the bullets, moving closer as he continued to block them, leaving Bucky pressed up against a wall where all he could do was watch as the Winter Soldier threw one man against the wall, while kicking another and snapping the neck of the third, leaving them all in a heap on the floor.
Bucky stared at them. At least one he knew was dead, the others he wasn't sure about. His mind went back to the others left in the apartment, he had no clue if those ones had been killed or not. What he did know, and there was no question about it, the Winter Soldier was a killer. A monster.
He didn't hesitate, stepping over the bodies, reaching the Winter Soldier on the other side who grabbed him again and began dragging him the rest of the way out of the building.
The sunlight hit Bucky's eyes, blinding him, as he stumbled after the Winter Soldier who continued to drag him along. His eyes quickly adjusted, cars were in the street, looking far more advanced than he had ever seen before. It was like he had stepped onto the set of some sort of future land that Howard Stark had designed.
Before he could even question what was going on, he was suddenly released as the Winter Soldier let him go. As he staggered to steady himself he watched as the Winter Soldier stood in front of a car that screeched to a stop, coming within inches of hitting him. Not that the Winter Soldier seemed to care, he didn't even flinch, he just strolled over to the driver's side, opened the door and yanked the driver out of the car, his eyes meeting Bucky's who got the message as he hurried to the other side of the car and got in.
Bucky slumped back into his seat and closed his eyes as the car took off, wondering what he had gotten himself into, more confused than ever. At least back in the apartment it had just been him and the Winter Soldier, everything seemed almost normal then, now it was so much more, he wasn't where he was supposed to be, when he was supposed to be, and all he wanted to do was go home to Steve and tease him about Peggy. But he kept that thought to himself, he didn't need the Winter Soldier thinking he was crazy, that he was in the future.
The car was silent as the Winter Soldier continued to drive. Every so often Bucky would crack open his eyes to see that they were gradually leaving the city behind them. At one point, he glanced over at the Winter Soldier, it was still so weird seeing his face on another person. He smirked, at least it was a nice face.
It was then he noticed the blood dripping down the Winter Soldier's right arm. "You're hurt."
"I don't get hurt."
"But you are."
They turned down another road; narrow and dirt, a wall of trees on both sides of them. Eventually it came out to a small cottage and the Winter Soldier stopped the car, wasting no time in getting out, Bucky hot behind him.
"You can't just hurt people!" The Winter Soldier glanced back at him, his eyes unreadable, but he made no additional move to head towards the cottage, so Bucky tried again. "Just let me talk to whoever is here."
He was good at talking. Used it different times to get himself and Steve out of trouble when they were younger, or to flirt with a pretty girl he fancied.
Bucky didn't know what the man would do, if he would even listen, so he was a bit surprised when the Winter Soldier stepped aside, allowing Bucky to go past him. Silently he celebrated the victory. He wanted to help the Winter Soldier, but things would be a lot harder if the man kept attacking innocent people.
His footsteps were noisy on the stairs leading up to the porch, it was partly on purpose, he didn't want to catch the homeowner off guard by their sudden appearance. Raising his hand he knocked at the door, but was met by silence from the other side.
He tried again, still nothing, and before he could try a third time, the Winter Soldier was by his side, Bucky not even having heard him on the steps, his movements really were quiet, like an assassin. It was knowledge that Bucky decided to ignore for the time being.
"No one's home," he said as the Winter Soldier looked at him with those blue eyes that were so familiar to him. The man didn't reply as he gripped the doorknob with his metal hand and shoved the door open, like it hadn't even been locked, before strolling inside, leaving Bucky with little options except to follow him.
"Sit down," Bucky said, pointing at a chair at the kitchen table. "You need to get that arm looked at."
He didn't wait to see if the Winter Soldier obeyed his command, he simply began looking through the home for the bathroom, and the medical supplies that would hopefully be in it. With luck he found the bathroom after the second door he tried and in the cabinet was a first aid kit, which he grabbed and carried back to the kitchen where he found the Winter Soldier standing at one of the windows, looking out at the woods, as if they would be attacked again at any moment.
It was a very possible thought that Bucky pushed out of his head, there was a more important matter to deal with. "I told you to sit down."
But the Winter Soldier still didn't move.
It was tempting to try and force the Winter Soldier to do what what he wanted, but Bucky had a feeling that wouldn't go over very well. He had seen the man in action, his fighting skills were far beyond his own, and there was that metal arm to deal with. Instead Bucky decided to take a softer approach.
"Hey," he said as he moved closer, slowly, like he was approaching a dangerous animal. Reaching out, he lightly touched the metal shoulder only to have the Winter Soldier jerk away and glare at him with piercing eyes. "I just want to help you." He held up the first aid kit. "See? I'm not going to hurt you."
At first Bucky wasn't sure if it had worked, if he had gotten through to him. But then the Winter Soldier turned his head, looking at the chair that Bucky had pointed out to him earlier and silently began moving that way.
"You'll need to take your jacket off," Bucky said to him as he moved to the kitchen table, sitting the first aid kit down upon it. "Do you need help?"
The Winter Soldier merely glared at him while undoing clasps with his metal hand, the straps across his chest and shoulders falling away and Bucky realized they were holsters for guns, currently empty. The expression on his face however changed as he peeled the jacket off, pain flickering across his face with Bucky pretended not to notice as he busied himself looking through the first aid kit. When he looked again, the jacket was on the ground, leaving him clad in a sleeveless black shirt, and a neutral expression had returned to his face.
"Remember, I'm not going to hurt you," Bucky said as he moved closer. "At least not on purpose, but this might sting."
"It doesn't matter," came the reply, the Winter Soldier speaking for the first time in a while. "I'm used to pain."
Bucky really wasn't surprised with that piece of information. He could tell that what ever happened to the Winter Soldier, it had been a lot. A pang of sadness went through him, it wasn't fair, the Winter Soldier wasn't so bad, he had listened to Bucky earlier, he just needed a Steve in his life to be a moral compass.
"But that still doesn't mean I want to hurt you." Shifting his eyes Bucky looked at the wound. "It looks like the bullet only grazed you."
"I told you, I don't get hurt."
"Everyone gets hurt," Bucky replied, meeting the Winter Soldier's eyes once again. They seemed kinder than they had before. "But it doesn't mean you're not strong. Trust me, I know." He paused as he chuckled. "The strongest person I know was always getting hurt."
Bucky smiled. "Yeah, that's right. Steve."
A far away look appeared in the Winter Soldier's eyes. "I knew a Steve."
"Do you remember anything else?"
But the Winter Soldier lowered his gaze and shook his head before turning away. The message was clear and it was an issue that Bucky wasn't going to push him on. Instead he began cleaning the wound, wiping the blood away and preparing a bandage.
"There," he said as he finished and began tossing the items back in the first aid kit. "See, it wasn't so bad."
He didn't expect a reply, which he had already established was normal when it came to the Winter Soldier, that was why he was surprised when he heard the man speak, his voice soft. "Thank you."
Bucky couldn't help but smile. "You're welcome."
The first aid kit forgotten, Bucky took a moment to travel his eyes over the Winter Soldier's body. Without the jacket, which he made no move to put back on, he was clad in a tight, black shirt that showed off his arms. It was a nice look, one that Bucky couldn't help but admire, because while their faces were the same, the only similarities in their bodies was the fact they were both lean, the Winter Soldier having muscles in places that Bucky did not.
With one hand he reached out to brush back the Winter Soldier's shaggy hair, which was met by confused eyes. "It seems like the people you're with don't take good care of you."
"I follow my orders."
"But not all orders deserved to be followed." He moved his hand to the Winter Soldier's face, touching softly, pleased when the man didn't flinch. "Sometimes rules need to be broken."
It was true, even Steve broke rules.
He should leave, retreat. That was definitely what he should do, and he knew it, but he was already becoming captivated by those eyes which looked so sad. Ignoring sadness was something he was never good at, it was one of the things that drew him to Steve all those years ago.
But Steve didn't need him now.
The Winter Soldier however did.
And he always did think he had a handsome face.
He slid his hand down to the Winter Soldier's neck, cupping the back of it as he drew the man towards him, the kiss light; just a touch of their lips before Bucky was pulling back so that he could look at the Winter Soldier in the eyes again, to judge his reaction, to see if more was wanted. He took it as a good sign that he wasn't sprawled out on the floor after being punched. Bucky knew not all men felt the same way he did, men who liked men was deemed wrong by society, even if it felt so very right.
And currently it felt very right.
It was the Winter Soldier that made the next move, his metal hand grasping the jacket of the uniform that Bucky wore, pulling him forward, their lips meeting for a second time, but this time without hesitation, passion flowing between them as they pressed their mouths harder together, both wanting it like their lives depended on it.
But it still wasn't enough. Wrapping his arms around the Winter Soldier's shoulders, Bucky shifted out of his own chair, settling down on the other man's lap, grinding downward, their mouths not leaving each other lips as the Winter Soldier's arms came up and surrounded Bucky's waist.
It was wrong, the man was an assassin, a killer, but at the same time Bucky found himself not caring. After everything they've both been through, and Bucky suspected that the Winter Soldier had been through a lot, it made perfect sense in his mind for them to seek comfort in each other.
At least that's what Bucky told himself as he slid his hands down the Winter Soldier's chest, the fabric of his shirt being an annoying barricade, as he moved his hands lower to the hem so he could slide them up under the shirt, his fingers dancing across the Winter's Soldier's skin. Bucky's tongue pressed against the Winter Soldier's as he moved his hands to the sides of the man's body and slowly began sliding them upwards, enjoying the way the Winter Soldier trembled under his touch. But then he felt something that caused him to pause.
Tearing his mouth away, Bucky frantically shoved up the Winter Soldier's shirt until he could see the faded scar that he had felt, his words catching in his throat as he tried to speak. "Where did you get that?"
"I don't remember."
Bucky clamped his eyes shut, of course that would be the answer, that was often the answer when it came to the Winter Soldier, so many memories taken from him, and Bucky was beginning to understand why.
As he opened his eyes he moved his hands first to his belt, quickly undoing it, letting it fall to the floor. He then moved to his own jacket, his fingers trying not to tremble as he removed it and rolled up his own shirt to reveal an identical scar, but newer, still not completely healed from the wound that had caused it. "It was shrapnel, from a recent mission with Steve and the others."
Bucky let the shirt drop back down as his eyes met the Winter Soldier's, so confused and scared. "What is your name?" He needed to know, needed to hear it.
"Asset." His voice was barely a whisper.
"The Winter Soldier."
Bucky shook his head. "Your real name."
The Winter Soldier looked away, a glazed over look in his eyes, like he was trying to remember. "James…" He scrunched his face. "No, that's not right…" There was a pause. "Bucky…"
His eyes flashed to Bucky's, shock in them as everything fell into place, a bucket of cold water splashing down upon them both. Quickly Bucky climbed off the Winter Soldier's lap, stepping back a short distance, his hand covering his mouth as the horror of what was right in front of him.
He knew he was in the future, he had figured that much out during their escape from the city, he hadn't minded because he assumed he would find a way back home. His eyes shifted back to the Winter Soldier, and apparently he was right about that, but something else had gone very wrong along the way.
The brutality, the way he fought, the way he had killed those men without a second thought, it all came rushing back to Bucky. He had been watching himself the entire time. A monster. That had been his thought back in the apartment. The Winter Soldier was a monster. He was a monster.
He clenched his eyes shut. It had to be a nightmare. He would open his eyes and waiting for him would be Steve; his smiling face, a bad joke to tease Bucky with, and then everything would go back to normal.
And then like that, a weight had been lifted from the room. He simply sounded so sad; lost. Like the victim that he was. His voice shattering through Bucky, who always did have a weakness for wanting to take care of those who couldn't take care of themselves.
Slowly Bucky opened his eyes, the metal arm drawing his attention. He knew himself, he wouldn't have asked for any of this to happen. Someone had stripped him of his free will, turned him into the man before him. Bucky wanted to tremble, but couldn't, he had to hold it together, because he was needed and taking care of someone was something he was good at.
"It's okay," Bucky said as he moved closer, reaching out to touch him, cradling the Winter Soldier's face between his hands. It was easier that way, not thinking of him as 'Bucky' but rather continuing to think of him as 'the Winter Soldier'. Less confusing in a situation that was already confusing enough. "It's not your fault."
Moving slowly, he placed a light kiss to the Winter Soldier's lips, feeling the other man melt under the touch as a whimper escaped him. He wasn't a monster, just a tortured victim, someone who didn't deserve any of what had happened to him.
His mind made up, Bucky straddled the Winter Soldier's lap once again, deepening the kiss, feeling as arms came up and surrounded his waist. He needed it, they both did, the longing desire for comfort was too overwhelming, but Bucky wasn't sure which one of them needed it more.
It was probably wrong, Bucky decided, his hands going to the Winter Soldier's pants, undoing the belt, sliding down the zipper and pulling out his cock. It felt the same as his own, not that was unsurprising anymore, nor were the small moans the Winter Soldier was making, even if it was a little weird hearing it from someone else's mouth and not his own.
But what was right and wrong no longer mattered. It had ended when Bucky realized that something turned him into the man before him. Screw everything except for the two of them. They needed each other. And that was the only thing he currently cared about.
His hand stroked the cock, sliding around the length, his thumb moving across the head, liking the way the Winter Soldier was jerking under his touch. It would be so easy to make him come that way, Bucky knew how, he had plenty of practice with guys in the army before he ended up following Steve on his crazy missions, plus he definitely knew what he liked best, his hand taking care of things on lonely nights. But this was something they both needed, it wasn't just about the Winter Soldier's pleasure.
He tilted his head to the side, allowing the Winter Soldier to kiss at his neck, as his hands went to his own pants, quickly undoing them and pulling his dick out. He was already hard, it was impossible not to be, it had been a long time since he had been with someone else. Since joining the Howling Commandos there hadn't been a lot of time for personal pleasures, there was always the next mission to prepare for. But he had missed it, missed feeling loved, even if it wasn't 'real' love and just two people caught up in emotions.
And he had a feeling he wasn't the only one currently feeling that way. The Winter Soldier was himself after all; all the pain and heartache, he wanted to take it all away from him.
Releasing his cock, he pressed closer, his hands going to the Winter Soldier's hair, grasping it as he guided their mouths back together. He grinded downward, gasping into the Winter Soldier's mouth as he felt their cocks connect against each other, enjoying the way the other man took advantage of the situation by sliding his tongue inside his mouth. Bucky certainly wasn't going to complain as their tongues pressed together, little sparks of pleasure going through his body.
He grinded downward again, not bothering to worry about removing any more of their clothes, which just seemed like such a waste of time when they both had such desperate needs. Plus the Winter Soldier didn't seem to mind, clinging to Bucky like his life depended upon it. Maybe it did, Bucky wasn't sure anymore, his mind was a haze, all that mattered was the man beneath him and their mutual pleasure.
He felt the Winter Soldier's hands on his back, sliding downwards, cupping his ass and then Bucky found himself moving, dumped backwards off the Winter Soldier's, landing on the floor, the Winter Soldier pressing down on top of him as their mouths continued to frantically move against each other.
Bucky didn't mind the change one bit, his eyes falling closed as he gave himself over to the pleasure. He especially liked it when the Winter Soldier began grinding down, their cocks rubbing against each other. It was exactly what they needed. Bucky smiled as best he could around the kiss, he always did know what he liked the best.
One of his hands slid down the Winter Soldier's back, down to his ass, shoving the black pants further down, exposing his ass. He gave it a squeeze, liking the way the Winter Soldier pressed harder against him, his pace increasing, their hard cocks rubbing together. He knew that neither of them was going to last too long, emotions were riding too high. Sure enough with a final grind, they both came, Bucky's eyes flicking open to watch as the Winter Soldier gasped as the waves of pleasure consumed him. It was a beautiful sight.
When it was all over, Bucky reached for him again, pulling him down into a light kiss, holding him, offering comfort as the man buried his face into Buck's neck. For how long they stayed like that Bucky wasn't sure. He wasn't counting the minutes, he was just enjoying the moment, one hand slowly stroking down the Winter Soldier's back.
Eventually the Winter Soldier rolled off him and they laid next to each other staring up at the ceiling, not moving, not even speaking until the Winter Soldier finally broke the silence. "Thank you."
Bucky grinned. "When did I become so polite?"
From out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Winter Soldier give a small smile before it vanished from his face and the quietness returned to the kitchen. It was not however a long wait before the Winter Soldier began speaking again. "You have to go back."
Yes, he did.
Sitting up, Bucky turned his body so he could look down at the other man. "Come with me." Reaching out he touched the Winter Soldier's hair, enjoying the feeling of it sliding through his fingers. "You don't belong here. Come home with me. We can find a way to prevent whatever happened to you from happening to me."
The Winter Soldier said nothing as he stared up, blue eyes meeting each other, so Bucky tried again. "You know Steve isn't going to mind having two Bucky's around."
That got a small smile from the other man. "I think I remember him." He lifted his arm up. "He was about this tall."
Bucky grinned. "He wasn't quite that short but close enough." He didn't bother asking if he remembered what had happened to Steve, that was something they could work out later, once they were back in their own time period. Plus more of the Winter Soldier's memory might naturally return by that point. He was remembering more all the time, the longer he was away from the people who did this to him, the better.
"I liked Steve."
"I like him too." They were best friends, always would be. "So let's go see him."
The Winter Soldier nodded his head before getting to his feet, grabbing a dish towel to wipe himself clean before tossing it to Bucky and fixing his clothing. Bucky copied his actions, running the dish towel over his body before discarding it, dropping it to the floor as he stood.
When they were ready to go, they headed outside to the stolen car. Once again the Winter Soldier got behind the wheel while Bucky took the passenger seat. "Do you have any idea how we get home?"
"We go to where I found you."
It fortunately was not a long drive, one that didn't involve returning to the city, but instead further into the countryside and Bucky wondered just how long he had been unconscious when he first arrived in the future. He hoped it wasn't the same going back, he had things that needed explaining to Steve. Like how he had been missing for hours and suddenly returned with a double of himself but with a metal arm.
Despite everything a laugh escaped Bucky as they entered a small town. It was an act that didn't go unnoticed by the Winter Soldier who gave him a confused look when stopped at a stop sign.
"In my time this place is mostly abandoned, the only ones left behind had nowhere to go or were too sick or elderly to leave." Now, while the town was still small, it was full of life. "It's nice to see the place has recovered since then."
"I don't remember," the Winter Soldier replied as the car began moving again.
"You will, you just need more time." Bucky paused for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "I was thinking of taking some time off after we got back. I could help you with your memory problem."
"What about Steve?"
A faint smile crossed Bucky's face before disappearing. "That kid from Brooklyn doesn't need my help anymore."
Silence filled the car and Bucky directed his gaze out the window once again. It was the truth, Steve didn't need him anymore, he was the one who always needed saving now, it was something he still hadn't gotten used to. And while he was happy for Steve, finally getting everything he always wanted, Bucky couldn't help but miss the time when he was the only one who had Steve's back. He dragged a hand through his hair, he was jealous, he knew it, jealous that Steve now had other people who loved him, but at the same time he couldn't help it.
Lost in thought, Bucky paid no attention as they finished driving through the small town, heading to the outskirts where the small church was located, the car barely making it between overgrown brush until they finally came to a stop. Unlike the town, the church had seen better days. Left abandoned, for how long Bucky didn't know, it was surrounded by foliage and moss growing up the walls.
"How long ago was it?" Bucky asked as he stepped out of the car and looked at the small church before glancing at the Winter Soldier. The place had been abandoned in his time too, but it hadn't been so rundown. "Since the last time I was here?" At the very least he felt like he should know what year he ended up in.
"I don't know." Bucky couldn't say he was surprised by that reply. "They don't always tell me the year, they just wake me up when they need me, program me for my mission, and then they put me away until next time."
"So you never know the year?"
"Sometimes, not always."
It was just another layer added to the horror that Bucky had already learned. The sooner they got back home, the better so that the man's healing could begin. And Bucky already knew there was going to be a lot of healing to go through. What had happened was completely unheard of, but Bucky had to admit, the world was far crazier than he ever thought it was. He also never thought that his scrawny best friend would be transformed into tall and buff. And then there was the whole time travel thing that also shouldn't be possible but was.
But first they had to get home.
The door to the church was unlocked. Whether it was always like that or the Winter Soldier had left it like that when he was there earlier, Bucky didn't know. He figured it didn't particularly matter though as he followed the man inside, soon they would be done with the future, whatever happened when whoever in charge returned to the church, would be out of his control.
"I remember this part," Bucky said, his eyes roaming around the church. There was a layer of dust everywhere but the place was mostly undisturbed. "The tunnels beneath us were part of a hidden base."
The Winter Soldier nodded his head, and Bucky deduced that the hidden base also had to also be part of his own mission, the one he went rogue on when he had found Bucky, who couldn't help but wonder if subconsciously the Winter Soldier knew that he was a younger version of himself. At the very least he had recognized his own face.
But whether or not they had been after the same thing on their respective missions Bucky knew it was pointless to ask. He doubted the Winter Soldier would tell him, and Bucky's own memories of that mission were foggy. So for the time being he decided to let it slide. Soon it wouldn't matter. They were going home where they would be safe.
Bucky held back a laugh. It was hard to imagine being behind enemy lines during an active war was 'safe' but it certainly sounded better than being in the future with a tormented and tortured version of himself. But everything would be okay, he was sure of it.
The entrance to the underground tunnels was still exposed, the Winter Soldier apparently hadn't bothered to cover it when he had left the place earlier. Or at the very least he didn't seem surprised to see the entrance exposed so Bucky doubted that anyone had come along in the meantime.
But while the Winter Soldier didn't seem surprised, Bucky couldn't help but notice that his shoulders were tensed. "You okay?"
He didn't respond, that was another thing they would have to work on when they got back home. For the time being however it was just another reminder to Bucky of the trauma that the man had gone through; trauma that Bucky would go through if they didn't find a way to stop it.
With the Winter Soldier in the lead, they made their way down to the tunnels. They were the same as Bucky remembered them, unlike the town down underground, nothing had changed since the war, and he wondered if anyone had even been there in the time between his mission and when the Winter Soldier had found him.
"There's still electricity," Bucky marvelled as they reached the bottom of the stairs, a string of light bulbs lighting up overheard leading the way. Given the age of the place, he was surprised, maybe someone else had indeed been there.
"We turned it on." And Bucky very much wanted to ask who 'we' were but he figured it would just be another unanswered question, plus he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. He wanted to help the Winter Soldier, not just because the man was a future version of himself, but because it was the right thing to do.
Very lightly he touched his lips with two fingers. Plus he didn't want the thing that had started between them to end. He had enjoyed it, more than he had with any other person. Even though the Winter Soldier didn't have his memories, his instinct remained to know what he liked, to know what they both liked.
But that was something he couldn't think about for the time being. First he had to focus on getting them home.
Despite the age, the tunnels were in remarkably good shape, which made travelling through them easy. Every so often they would come across a burned out light bulb, temporarily darkening the tunnel, but the next light was never far away.
"This way," the Winter Soldier said when they eventually came to a crossroad with the tunnel splitting into three directions.
Bucky didn't question him, he remembered taking that route, telling Steve he would be fine on his own, that was the last thing he had said to him. Soon though, soon he would see Steve again, he had to focus on that. And he couldn't wait to tell Steve about his adventure to the future, minus the whole sleeping with himself part. There were some things even Steve wouldn't understand.
The tunnel kept going, but it wasn't long before it split again. Bucky remembered that part too, he made the decision to go to his right, investigate it first and if it didn't lead anywhere he would backtrack to the other path. But he had found something, hidden away in a small room.
A chill went through him, one he ignored as they continued to move forward, retracing the steps that he had made so long ago but only felt like a few hours. He wondered if the Winter Soldier could feel it too. Or if his own memories of being on the same mission had started to surface.
"It'll soon be over," Bucky said, but he wasn't sure if he was telling himself that or if he was speaking to the Winter Soldier. He wrapped his arms around himself, grateful for the heavy, warm jacket he was wearing. "I'd feel better if I had a weapon." He remembered being armed, but he wasn't sure what happened to his gun. For all he knew it got left in the past.
The Winter Soldier paused as he began undoing a strap on his thigh. It didn't take him long to get it undone before turning around and handing it to Bucky who saw that it was a large knife encased in its sheath. Grabbing the handle, Bucky easily pulled it free and stared at the sharp blade.
"I'm not really a knife person." Not that he wasn't grateful by the gesture.
"You will be."
Bucky's eyes flashed to the Winter Soldier's, meeting his gaze, finding sad eyes looking at him. Returning the knife to its sheath, he reached forward and pulled the man into a hug. "We'll find a way to stop it."
Because they would.
When they pulled apart, the Winter Soldier still had a sad look his eyes but he gave a small smile as he nodded his head towards the knife that was still in Bucky's hand. "The pointy in goes into the target."
A grin broke out across Bucky's face. "Did you just make a joke?"
The small smile remained on the Winter Soldier's face as he looked away, which told Bucky everything he needed to know. Despite the torture and stolen memories, he was still Bucky, he could still recover, he just needed time.
It was then that the Winter Soldier froze, cocking his head. And Bucky soon heard it as well, voices, commands given out in Russian. Simultaneously Bucky and the Winter Soldier turned their heads looking behind them, the voices drawing closer, along with the heavy footsteps of multiple people hurrying along at a quick pace.
Bucky didn't need to be told twice. He began running down the tunnel after the Winter Soldier as the footsteps and voices behind them grew louder. He didn't dare look back, he just had to keep going. They were almost at their goal, which was when the Winter Soldier came to a stop, allowing Bucky to run pass him.
"Come on," Bucky said as he also came to a stop, turning to look back at the other man. "We're almost there."
"There's no time."
Those were words that Bucky didn't want to hear. "Yes, there is. We just have to hurry."
But the Winter Soldier shook his head. "They're too close. You, go. I'll hold them off. They don't want me dead, I'm too valuable."
"Not without you!"
He remembered saying those same words to Steve once. Steve had listened to him, but he wasn't Steve, so instead the Winter Soldier simply gave one of his small, sad smiles. "As long as you're safe, that's the only thing that matters."
"No." If the Winter Soldier wanted to be stubborn, so could he.
Reaching for the Winter Soldier's face, Bucky pulled him into a hard kiss, putting everything he had into it. All his thoughts, his feelings, needs, all his passion, everything to try and make the man understand that Bucky wasn't going to leave without him. They were in it together.
He felt as the Winter Soldier grasped the front of his jacket, and for a brief moment Bucky thought he was going to be pulled closer, but then he felt the hard shove as he was tossed further down the tunnel, landing on the ground.
"I'm sorry," The Winter Soldier said, looking at him with the sad eyes that Bucky had become so used too. Before Bucky could even reply, he tossed a small device to the ceiling and began running in the opposite direction.
Bucky barely had time to cover his head before the small explosion erupted through the tunnel, debris falling to the ground and blocking the path. And as the dust cleared Bucky let out an angry yell. It wasn't fair, he had promised the Winter Soldier he would help him, but now that promise was taken away from him and he could do nothing about it.
Defeated, Bucky got to his feet and turned as he continued making his way down the hallway once more. He could still hear noises behind him, but there was no longer any rush, the prize the men wanted was on the other side of the debris, they wouldn't be bothered to try and clear it anytime soon.
As the voices grew fainter, Bucky picked up the pace once again, he knew he was almost there. He couldn't think about the Winter Soldier anymore, he had to focus on getting home or else he sacrifice would have been for nothing. Plus home meant that Steve and the rest of the Howling Commandos would be there, help, he could get them and they could cross back over into the future, save the Winter Soldier before they could get far away from the church.
Ahead he could see the room, the doors closed, but he easily pushed his way through them, just as he had the first time he had entered it. A white obelisk stood before him and he reached out to touch it, his mind going black as darkness consumed him.
It was Steve's voice that brought him back to reality and Bucky found himself to be falling until strong arms caught him. "Steve…?"
"Yeah, it's me Buck, I got you."
Bucky found himself moving as Steve threw one of Bucky's arms over his shoulders and began half dragging him out of there. "Yeah, I'm going to get you some help."
No. That wasn't what he wanted. "Steve… help… me…" he said, trying again, the words hard to form. They had to go back, had to rescue the Winter Soldier, had to rescue himself.
But Steve didn't understand and Bucky found his world going black again as unconsciousness overtook him.
When Bucky woke again, he found himself in a hospital room. The fact it was a legitimate hospital room, a private one at that, meant while he was out they had travelled back across enemy lines. Wherever he was, he was safe.
Not that he was happy about it since it also meant he was further away than ever from the tunnels beneath the church that would take him back to the future and the Winter Soldier. He pressed the palms of his hands against his forehead, cradling his head. Even if he could find his way back to the future he had no idea where they would have taken the Winter Soldier. During their time together, the man had given him no clues who his handlers were and where they were located when not on a mission. Russia was the only real clue that Bucky had, but by the time they searched the entire country, a task Bucky was prepared to do, the Winter Soldier would be brainwashed again, his memories of their time together gone.
That thought sent a chill through Bucky. Somewhere in the future, he was being used as a tool, a weapon again. It wasn't right.
Fortunately Bucky didn't have much time to dwell on it alone. There was a light tap at the door and it opened without waiting for a reply to reveal Steve and despite everything Bucky gave a small smile at the sight of him.
"I was hoping for a redhead," he teased. It was on the tip of his tongue to say 'brunet' but he pushed that thought out of his head. He needed to sound normal, act normal, or else Steve would worry and Bucky didn't want that to happen.
Steve smiled as he moved closer, sitting down in a seat next to Bucky's bed. "Well, I was going to ask you how you were feeling, but I apparently already got my answer."
"So you going to tell me when I can get out of here?" He didn't want to stay at the hospital, he wanted to drag himself to the nearest bar and not leave until their next mission.
"I think you're stuck here for a few days." The smile faded from Steve's face. "You had us really worried for a while there, Buck."
"What happened?" He needed to know. "On the mission…"
Steve shrugged. "Cleared out the base, the others except for you reported in so I went to find you. You were about ready to collapse by the time I got there."
"And was there anything weird about the room?"
"Nothing I noticed, why?"
"Just wondering what knocked me out." Steve couldn't know. Not ever.
"We sealed the entrance to the tunnels, what ever happened to you won't happen to anyone else." Bucky wanted to protest, tell Steve that the tunnels would eventually be rediscovered, that they didn't do a good enough job. But he remained quiet, instead waiting for Steve to speak again. "Do you remember anything?"
Bucky held back a bitter laugh and instead he shook his head. "I just remember everything going black."
Fortunately Steve seemed satisfied with that answer.
They talked a bit longer, causal, normal stuff before Steve regretfully said he had to leave, duty called. "I'll see about that redhead," he said as he stood up and headed for the door.
"Thanks pal," Bucky replied, forcing a smile that disappeared from his face as soon as Steve left the room. In truth he wasn't interested in the company of anyone, including any sexy redhead nurses.
No, that wasn't entirely the truth, there was one person he wouldn't mind seeing. A person with shaggy brown hair and sad eyes.
His hand slipped under the thin sheet that was covering him, finding he was clad in a soft pair of pants, which he didn't bother shoving down. He simply slipped his hand under the fabric to grasp hold of his cock and pulled it free, the sheet not giving him much protection if someone walked in, but at the moment he didn't care.
He closed his eyes as he gave it the first stroke, blue eyes forming in his mind, pretending it wasn't his own hand who was touching him. Bucky could still feel it, the taste of their lips pressing together, the kisses that made him light headed and greedy for more. His hand quicken on his cock as he remembered the weight of the Winter Soldier upon him, not heavy, just right, their bodies fitting together as if they were made for each other.
It didn't matter that they had only spent a short amount of time together, they had connected in ways that Bucky never had before with another person. He had been wrong earlier, back at the cottage, thinking that it wasn't real love. It was, he just had been too late to realize it. And now all he had left was a memory, a dark secret that he could tell no one because no one, not even Steve, would understand. The only one who would was a lifetime away.
He came with a gasp, come spilling into his hand as he rode out the waves of pleasure. When it was over, he pulled his hand out from under the sheet and looked at it, anger rushing through his body has he hastily wiped it on top of the sheet. A nurse would recognize the stain when she came in, but he didn't care. He was safe in a hospital bed while who knew what was happening to the Winter Soldier, a man he had promised to save but failed.
Bucky closed his eyes once again. Was it even real? Or maybe he just dreamed up the entire thing. It did seem unreal that he would travel through time to the future and meet himself. Not just himself, but a brainwashed version of himself.
Opening his eyes he decided he needed to know the truth. Throwing off the blanket he stood, the floor cold against his bare feet, which he ignored as he made his way to the small pile on a nearby table, most of it was his uniform, which he shoved aside until he laid his eyes upon the knife sheath that he definitely didn't have earlier.
Gingerly he touched it before picking it up and pulling the knife out of its sheath, staring at the blade. "I'm so sorry," he said before replacing the knife and returning to the bed.
It was a day before Bucky found himself free of the hospital and life quickly went back to normal. Or at least that's the way it appeared to everyone else, but things were far from normal for Bucky.
The only time Bucky dared to look in a mirror was when he shaved and even then he avoided his eyes, staring only at his chin so he didn't nick himself. His free time was spent drinking, not with the rest of the Howling Commandos, but by himself at the bar or small table in the corner where he wouldn't be bothered. Steve wasn't there all the time, busy with plotting the next mission, but when he was, Bucky found the will to fake things long enough, a smile and flirt with a young woman, so that Steve didn't question him.
Part of him wanted to forget what happened, but the other part of him knew that would be a disservice to the man who had saved him. Bucky suspected he was the only person to view the Winter Soldier as the man he was and not a weapon. And that wasn't right, there was a warmth and kindness underneath the cold exterior.
Wherever he was, Bucky hoped the Winter Soldier managed to escape again, this time for good.
But he doubted it. He remembered the cold, hard eyes when they had first met.
He wanted to hug him, but he couldn't, instead settling for hugging himself. But it wasn't the same without the warmth of another body and the coolness of the metal arm.
Time went on and another mission was fast approaching. Bucky was almost looking forward to it, at least it would give him something to do besides be lost in his memories of a time and man who technically was himself.
But first he had to make his peace.
"I'm sorry," Bucky said, looking in the mirror at familiar sad eyes. Currently he was in his quarters at their hidden base. The quarters were small, barely enough room for a bed and a desk, but it came with his own private bath, which was where he currently was, standing in front of the sink, his hands gripping the edge of it as he looked at himself. "I promised I would save you and I lied."
He clenched his eyes shut as he curled his left hand into a fist and hit it against the sink, the pain jolting through him. It wasn't enough. Pain wasn't going to fix things.
He knew what he had to do.
Opening his eyes, Bucky looked at himself again, his eyes no longer sad, instead they were hard, determined. "I will rescue you." He paused. "Even if I have to become you to do it."
Tearing himself away from the mirror, Bucky began gathering up the rest of his equipment, his eyes falling to the knife that the Winter Soldier had given him. It was tempting to bring it along, but it was from the future and he couldn't have something from the future affecting things. Not if things were going to happen the way he wanted them to happen.
There was a knock at his door, followed by the sound of Steve's voice. "Bucky? Are you ready?"
Strolling over to the door, Bucky opened it and flashed Steve a grin. "Always."
After all they had a train to catch.