bro time..... .
Your name is Dirk Strider. Yeah, you saved the world. And you didn't necessarily get the credit. Yeah, you got your head completely separated from your body. Yeah, your "homie"-sexual with Doctor Who, so you tell the audience at home to keep scrolling. The point is, you currently have done nothing for two hours. You are thinking on ways to waste your time better.
==> Turn on TV.
dirk: I'm sick of doing anything worthwhile. I'm going to watch some AVGN, fuck it.
You turn on your hobertelevision, and began turning channels mindlessly.
As, of course, one of them will hopefully lead into something worthwhile.
==> Stop flicking the remote, asshole.
You remind yourself that you've actually found a channel that is worthwhile and is surprisingly not Muppet porn. It is in fact, an episode of the archaic TV show, the Angry Video Game Nerd.
It's the episode on Battletoads, the one where he enviably ends up getting soft locked and moves onto the Sega Genesis port of Action 52 instead. While you know about the Action 52 episode, it's clear that you missed some parts of it.
You're about 1/3 into the episode, and AVGN is freaking out about some egg shitting birds or something.
dirk: Hey, that's pretty funny.
dirk: But it's pretty lonely watching the Nerd flail his arms like Kermit without anyone here.
dirk: Oh yeah. Dave exists. I haven't called him in..
dirk: I'm not exactly that sure. Maybe it's been a week.
==> Check if Dave wants to see some action, some Action 52.
Unsheathing your bro-phone from the earth, or rather, your pocket, you check your contacts and find Dave's, which is labelled exactly as you thought you would. "Joe Strider". He'd probably find it funny. Or something. Who knows, really. You don't necessarily get his type of humor. You then click on it and engage in VOICE MESSAGING.
TG: where the fuck have you been for seven months
TT: It has seriously been that long? You can't be serious, I saw you last week.
TG: you're literally talking to the guy who knows whos aspect is time
TG: some guy punched me through the chest and uh
Doesn't look like Dave will be-
The bro-phone desires VOICE MESSAGING again.
TG: bro did you seriously hang up on me because i cant watch avgn with you
TT: Sorry. But how exactly did you figure out it was AVGN I was watching.
TG: lets see
TG: you only watch avgn, nostalgia critic, sesame street, and obama
TG: like why obama
TG: anyways lucky guess also
TG: you literally forgot about me and just sat there for seven fucking months
TG: pretty cringe
TG: my friends ended up getting possessed and killing
Blip. Way to drive in the message, Dave. You have gotten to the point in which AVGN is in the Action 52 port on the Genesis. Since you've never exactly had an opinion on both versions of Action 52, you've become the herded asshole and are following AVGN's opinion.
dirk: Yeah, I guess Action 52 does suck.
dirk: Knock them dead, Nerd.
Congrats! You have successfully collapsed from sleep deprivation after watching all the episodes of Angry Video Game Nerd, and then some extras, and have collapse from general wear. You have several emails from Dave and his friends, even yours, but you are too unmotivated.
Are you proud of yourself?